american parents

So I just wanted to tell my story about going to see HTTYD2 for the umpteenth time and finding out I picked “daycare day” at the movies.

Okay so seeing HTTYD2 with a bunch of kids was actually really incredible. 

So the theater is completely packed, and I end up at the end of a row of daycare kids, right?

So we’re watching the movie, and I realize it’s enjoyable because these fresh faces are all laughing and experiencing the antics of dragon racing and seeing all these cool things for the first time, and it’s kind of fun to see a joke aimed for kids hit home with the kids - you’d hear the kids explode with laughter while the adults would just kind of chuckle inwardly. I don’t know, it was fun to experience it as a a child secondhand. 

But I’ve seen HTTYD2 before, so I know what’s coming. 

When the Bewilderbeast was killed, there was a little boy in my row who kind of whisper-asked if he was “really dead”.

And the little boy right next to me said, “Probably not”.

Probably not.”

Now that stuck out to me because, on screen, it’s so obvious that the Bewilderbeast is dead, and you see all the characters react to it. 

But this little 5-6 year old is viewing movies in a completely different way than I am. And it takes me a moment to realize that almost every movie this kid has probably ever been exposed to has been made “for kids” - which means that if there’s ever a “good” character that “dies”, they almost always come back through some miracle. Hence “Probably not.”

This little kid was recognizing the trope used in films directed for his age group, and as a result, he wasn’t affected by the Bewilderbeast’s death. 

Until the Bewilderbeast didn’t get up. 

It was weird, you could actually feel it in the room when the kids began to realize that the Good Bewilderbeast not only didn’t win, but died. 

And so, a few minutes later, you could hear a pin drop in the theater when Stoick was hit. 

One little girl in my row laughed really hard at the sight - I guess the blue-green ice piled on Stoick seemed comical?

But the minute Hiccup ran over and started pulling the ice off him, desperate and scared, the audience fell back into silence.

Valka rushed over to him, and put her ear to his chest and-

“Is he dead?”

The same kid from before, but this time he sounded scared. 

And the little boy next to me was far less certain when he said, “Probably not?”

And so, we go to the funeral scene. Gobber begins his eulogy, and I hear kids begin to cry. We see the boat, and the draped body, and the helmet, and a kid asks “Is he sick?”

And then the funeral pyre is lit, and the boat sails away, and I look around me and the kid next to me has tears streaming down his face, and the little girl who laughed is crying behind her hands. 

Of course, moments after Hiccup’s monologue, we see them flying on the baby dragons, and the kids are quick to laugh and move on from the heaviness of what they just saw.

And I realize that this is probably the first time that the majority of these kids have had to face death like this. In an animated movie with dragons and vikings, they expected a fairytale, and they got something much closer to reality. 

And for ten minutes, a theater full of children faced reality with Fun-Dip and popcorn. And they cried. 

Now I’ve read the article that claims HTTYD2 didn’t do as well in American theaters because parents warned other parents it “wasn’t for kids”, but I would argue that it was. Of course, I love the movie, so it’s for adults, too, but the target audience wasn’t me. 

Parents argued that the Death theme was too much for a young audience (and I respect parents choosing to shield their kids from death for as long as possible), but I saw with my own eyes kids realize that death was a thing that happened to everyone, not just bad guys. And they mourned when a good character died. And I think that lesson is important for kids to have. 

There were of course fantastic elements to HTTYD2, but those elements were part of a fantastic world that has always been anchored in reality. In the first film, Hiccup lost his leg because filmmakers decided it wasn’t believable that he went through that epic fight and came out unscathed. And so it was in HTTYD2.

Good people went to war, and good people died. 

And I think its a valuable lesson for children to have, especially delivered in animated form, when they can experience it with a kind of silver screen barrier between Death and themselves. 

When your six year old comes home from first grade talking about the Thanksgiving play her class is doing, and says she was given the part of a native American, and says that they’re making feathered headbands and vests to wear for the play, but she isn’t going to wear any of that because “it’s not really real Native American stuff, and even if it was it’s not supposed to be a costume and I don’t want to be rude to the real life Native Americans” (her exact words), I’ll count that as a parenting win of the day.

When your parents leave you home alone

Before they leave: *sitting on the couch like you’re the most normal person in the world*

And after: *reenacting every musical known to mankind while eating everything that’s edible*

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Mother and daughter goals 👩‍👧👸🏾

you know how if you ask someone where they are from, they’ll tell you their country of origin like “Norway” or “India” or whatever but Americans are all “my parents are originally from ohio but i’ve lived in utah forever until i moved to houston- NY not TX haha” 

okay ashleigh you could’ve just said usa, but no you expect the whole world to know every state in your country when your 23 year old ass can’t point to china on a map. so now i’m on urban dictionary bc i thought SoCal is an artificial sweetener

PRIDE MONTH 2017 READING LIST

Looking for some YA books with queer main characters to read during pride month? Here’s a list of titles I’ve read and/or heard great things about. Most of these were published within the past year or so. Feel free to add on!

You Know Me Well by David Levithian and Nina LaCour

Two classmates, one gay and the other lesbian, meet during pride month in San Francisco and help each other through relationship problems.

 Tell me Again How a Crush Should Feel by Sara Farizan

Finally! A cute F/F novel where no lesbians die in the end! The main character is an Iranian American with traditional parents.

 Last Seen Leaving by Caleb Roehrig

Mystery/thriller about a closeted gay boy who’s girlfriend goes missing, and he becomes the focus of her disappearance. I can usually figure out what happened in mystery novels early on but this one had me guessing until the very last page.

The Abyss Surrounds Us and The Edge of the Abyss by Emily Skrutskie

Lesbian pirates and sea monsters. Need I say more?

When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore

This one’s like reading a modern day fairy tell starring a trans boy named Sam, who’s family immigrated from Pakistan, and a Latina girl named Miel who grows flowers out of her wrists. And there’s a glass coffin. It’s super creepy.

Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde

Y’all, this is set at SupaCon (like Comic Con!). There are two narrators. Charlie, an Asian movie star who is bisexual, and Taylor, a blogger who has ASP.

Radical by E.M. Kokie

This one’s a little darker. It’s about a butch lesbian doomsday prepper who accidently gets involved in a dangerous plot that could get her and her family into some serious trouble. I liked this book because Bex’s views about guns are completely different than mine. But that’s why we read, right? To learn about people who are different from you.

 Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst

This book was pitched to me as a fantasy book about a princess betrothed to a prince but she falls in love with his sister. It’s pretty good.

PS: Dear Mrs. Coulthurst, thank you for Chapter 34

 10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac

A f/f story set in Vancouver about a girl with anxiety who goes to live with her dad and falls in love with a musician.

 How to Make a Wish by Ashley Herring Blake

Like Sarah Dessen? You’ll love How to Make a Wish! It’s about a girl, who’s bisexual, who falls in love with a biracial dancer. It’s part love story, part mother-daughter story and super amazing and emotional!

 History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

Keep your tissues close. You’ll need them. Griffin’s ex-boyfriend, Theo, drowns and he’s left devastated. He grows close to Theo’s boyfriend, Jackson, who is one of the few people who knows what he’s going through.

We Are Okay by Nina LaCour

Speaking of tissues, you’ll also need them for Nina LaCour’s latest YA/NA crossover. Marin is staying at school alone for Christmas holidays and her best friend Mabel comes to visit. It’s a tear jerker but also amazing and beautifully written.

The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

I’m gonna cheat with this one because the main character isn’t queer. BUT she has two moms, they’re a biracial couple, her twin sister is a lesbian, and the sister’s girlfriend is pansexual. And her moms’ wedding is a big part of the plot. Great book to read during pride month!

Dreadnought by April Daniels

Superhero novel with a main character who’s transgender and a lesbian. I’ve read this and heard mixed reviews but for the most part, it’s a good book if you like superheroes.

The Better to Kiss You With by Michelle Osgood

This is a f/f story that I’m not entirely sure how to categorize. It’s part paranormal romance, part mystery/thriller, but could also be NA. The love interest is a butch lesbian who’s a werewolf!

Girl Mans Up by M-E Girard

Main character is a butch lesbian who comes from a traditional Portuguese family.

The Cursed Queen by Sarah Fine

If you’re a Clexa shipper, you’ll love The Cursed Queen. A fantasy novel with a bisexual main character who falls in love with her chieftain’s daughter. You can’t help but fall in love with Ansa and Thrya. And the best part? No dead queer girls!

Writemarvelousthings MasterList

- (S) Is for Smut, you have been warned. 

Originally posted by wakandaentertainment

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My Dad Reacting To Hamilton (Act 1)

Hamilton: “They literally just said his entire life story- for the first song!”


Aaron Burr, Sir: “Wow, he’s even worse at making friends then you are. And what did that guy just say about horses? Isn’t that a Disney character name?”


My Shot: “Oh, never mind, he’s much better at making friends then you are, he just made three friends during one song." 


The Story of Tonight: "Wait, I though you said he had an affair with a woman?”

Me, confused: “Yeah…”

“Then who’s this guy?” *talking about John*

Me: “Oh! That’s John. Alex might have had an affair with him too, but historians aren’t sure and it wouldn’t be an affair anyway as he wasn’t married yet.”

“Okay…”

The Schuyler Sisters: “Why do they keep saying Manhattan is the greatest city in the world?”

Me: “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

“Oh, Burr is kind of creepy.”

Farmer Refuted: “Why does Hamilton keep fighting everyone?”


You’ll Be Back: "Oh… okay.”


Right Hand Man: "Oh, it’s Washington! Wait, is this why Burr turned evil?”


A Winter’s Ball: “But is it actually true?”

Me: “What?”

”Did Martha Washington actually name her feral tomcat after him?”

Me: “I think so?” *looks it up* “Yeah, it’s true.”


Helpless: “You’re never like around boys.”

Me: *sweats nervously cause I’m gay*


Satisfied: “Wait he had an affair with her sister?! That’s terrible!”

Me: “What?”

”He had an affair with the woman singing right now, right?”

Me: *sigh* “How about I just tell you when the affair happens?”

”Okay. This guy must be really good looking if so many people want to get together with him!”


The Story of Tonight: "Don’t do that at your wedding.“


Wait For It: "Why did he have an affair too?! Why is everyone having affairs??”


Stay Alive: “Oh that’s sad because he didn’t stay alive.”


Ten Duel Commandments: “Wait there are more duels in this? I thought there were only two!”


Meet Me Inside: “I thought they got along well though!”


That Would Be Enough: “Oh… ohhhhh. Well he doesn’t seem like the type to be a very responsible parent.”


Guns and Ships: “Wait is this about Hamilton? He already broke his promise and went back to the war?! Wait… what is happening?”

History Has Its Eyes on You: “You just told him to go home!”


Battle of Yorktown: “Oh it’s the Disney horses guy!”

Me: “He deserves more respect then that, he was a spy-”

”On the inside! I know, they just said so!”


What Comes Next: “Well joke’s on him cause America is still standing today.”


Dear Theodosia: “Awww. But why is Hamilton so aggressive even when singing a lullaby?”

Laurens Interlude: “The guy he had an affair with before he got married died?! Wait his wife is reading the letter, does that mean she knew?”

Non-Stop: “Hamilton is kind of a jerk to his wife sometimes.”

Me: “Yeah, but he really cared about her…”

“And why didn’t Washington decide whether Hamilton should be treasurer or secretary of state before meeting him? And why are so many people singing at the same time now?”

My Dad Reacts to Hamilton (Act 2)

What’d I miss?: “He literally just told you what you missed!”

Cabinet Battle #1: “I bet he’d wished he had stayed in France, he’s only been back home one day and he’s already fighting with Hamilton. And what did Madison ever do to Hamilton?!”

Take A Break: “Wait so you get mad at me for traveling abroad too much but you still like Hamilton?! He literally said no to his wife and the woman he might have had an affair with like twelve times!””

Say No To This: “Ooh yay, the affair, finally! Oh wait that’s bad.”

The Room Where It Happened: “Why is Burr like that sad kid that stares longingly at the cool’s kid table?” *nudges me* “Hey, like you!”

Schuyler Defeated: “Ooh, that was rude Burr. Then again, Hamilton did get the job from Washington that Burr wanted, so…”

Cabinet Battle #2: “Oh lord, another one of these.”

Me: “Don’t you like them?”

“Of course, but it’s really weird imagining dead guys with ridiculous wigs rap battling each other.”

Washington On Your Side: “Ha, I love how Madison only started singing to make sure everyone knew he was the one to write The Bill of Rights!”

Me: “Well actually, Madison gave a lot of credit to other people and protested when people referred to him as the “father of the Constitution” or any other grand title-”

“You’re ruining it for me!”

One Last Time: “Hey remember when we went to Mount Vernon and you forced me to listen to this as we saw his tombstone while crying?”

Me: “I was honoring a great man dad!”

I Know Him: “I know him too! It’s Hamilton right?”

“Why do so many songs start out making it seem as though they’re going to be about Hamilton and then not actually being about him? It’s both disappointing and reliving.”

Me: “Reliving?”

“Yeah, because I know he hasn’t done anything even more stupid yet.”

The Adams Administration: “See, this is what I’m talking about! Why did you do it Hamilton, you just destroyed your career!”

We Know: “Goddamit Hamilton, you idiot.”

Hurricane: “Wait… what is Hamilton planning on doing?”

The Reynolds Pamphlet: “Are you kidding me?!”

Burn: “No… Eliza…”

Blow Us All Away: “Why is this so happy?!”

Stay Alive (reprise): “Ha, ‘most disputes die and no one shoots,’ yeah, sure. There are three duels in this and all of them end in a death!”

Me: “Actually, Lee never died in the duel. He was just injured.”

“Why couldn’t that have happened to Philip?!”

It’s Quiet Uptown: “Hey, we visited their house uptown! Now I finally know why you were humming this song and looked like you were about to cry…”

Me, fighting back tears because that song makes me emotional every time: “I wasn’t going to cry!”

The Election of 1800: “And I thought the election this year was dramatic…”

Your Obedient Servant: “Why does Burr keep saying he wants to be in the room where it happens? It’s getting a bit sad now.”

Best of Wives and Women: “Oh, so this is why you always say Eliza deserved better.”

The World Was Wide Enough: “No! Wait, why has the music stopped? Did Hamilton not die?”

“No!”

Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: “Wait so Eliza outlived her eldest son and husband by half a century?”

Me: “Yeah, and her sister, son, husband, and parent all died within the span of four years.”

“Oh, wow. See, this is why we should learn about the founding fathers’ wives as well! Didn’t you say Dolley Madison had a parrot that could swear in French?’”

Me: “Yeah, and it would bite people.”

“See! More people need to know this.”


My dad reacting to Act 1: [x]

•Even with three parents Philip always managed to get lost everywhere as a toddler, none of those six eyes are paying attention to him

•John and Alex somehow bring home the wrong child from the park every week

•Eliza is a busy mother with 7 kids and 2 husbands give her a break

•Alex and Eliza once thought something was wrong with baby Philip because he wasn’t laughing they were so worried they took him to the ER, and John still laughs at them about it to this day

•One time 3-year-old Philip got into Alex’s office and destroyed everything, John and Eliza only had ten minutes to fix it before Alex came home, but it was still a mess

•Philip blamed those two and Alex believed him

•Philip can talk crap about anyone to Alex and he’ll believe it

•Unless it involves John and Eliza cheating on him

•John once got angry and told Philip Santa isn’t real

•Eliza tried to comfort him saying Santa is real and Alex is just like “Stop lying to him,” making Philip cry harder

•All three of them are trying their best but parenting is hard

Female Chinese Adoptee in the US

Hi, I’m a female Chinese adoptee who spent more time with a foster mother than in the orphanage. I was adopted before I was half a year old by a white American single mother, and later raised by two white American parents once she married. I have a younger sister who is also adopted from China, but we aren’t blood related at all (yes people do ask me if we are). I grew up in a largely white portion of the south and went to religious schools with largely white populations (My mom did not adopt me from some misguided Christian white supremacist stance of saving me). I’m currently getting a degree in theater and film, so well thought out representation and minority stories are very important to me. Every adoption story is different, and as far as I can find, you only have the one POC profile on Chinese adoption and I wanted to give my point of view for variation.

I want to preface this by saying that my adoption has had a big impact on my life, but it is not my identity, and the impact it’s had isn’t something that I was consciously thinking about as it happened. It’s mainly as I’ve gotten older and looked back that I’ve realized how it has impacted certain aspects of my life. Growing up, my adoption isn’t something that was always on my mind, and it’s only through trying to better understand myself and who I identify as that I’ve come to analyze it more. Also sorry this is super long, I just wanted to be thorough.

Beauty Standards

Again, not something I consciously thought about when I was younger. Contrary to the popular stereotypes and fixations about Asian eyes, the shape of my eyes wasn’t something I thought about. What I was self-conscious about when I was a kid was how “flat” my face was, especially my nose. I felt like I didn’t have any definition, and because I didn’t grow up seeing many other Asian people or POC for that matter, I didn’t understand that different races had different facial structures. I just internally accepted that the caucasian facial structure was how people were supposed to look. I’ve since accepted the way I look, and while I don’t think I’m the hottest chick out there, I like the way I look.

Culture

When I was young, my mother enrolled me in Mandarin Classes and Chinese Culture classes/camps designed for Chinese adoptees to help me connect to my native culture and to surround me with other people like me. At one point I was even enrolled in a Chinese Fan Dance class if I remember correctly. I’m sure I had fun with some of them, just as I’m sure my attention span was short when I was a kid and that I got bored quickly. I didn’t have a problem with them at the time, but looking back I do remember feeling mildly annoyed with going to the events specifically for adopted kids because if felt like people just assumed we’d be friends because off of us shared the adoptee experience. I get that same feeling of annoyance when people to this day tell me “Oh, so and so is adopted from China too! You’d like her,” because I personally resent the idea that people assume my adoption is my identity and that alone is enough for me to connect with someone.

Identify Issues

I have always identified as a Chinese-American. My parents were always very honest with me about my adoption for as long as I can remember, so I was always somewhat aware that I was different. That being said, growing up surrounded by white people meant that the people I identified with where white, and there was a time in middle school where a teacher mentioned something about me being different in regards to my race (we were talking about casting for the school play). For a good 5 minutes I was confused about what she meant until I remembered that I was Chinese and not white like everyone else. That’s a moment that’s stuck with me throughout my life and I’ve always been a little ashamed of forgetting myself.

Recently I was asked if I identify as an immigrant, and I didn’t know how to answer. Technically I am one. At one point I had a green card and my mother had to fill out paperwork to make me a US citizen, so I don’t feel like I wasn’t an immigrant, but I also don’t identify with the typical image of immigrants. My story of finding my place in America isn’t the typical story of POC immigrants so I don’t necessarily feel solidarity with them. 

Within Asian Americans’, there’s been a stereotype about them being too Asian, but not Asian enough which is something I’ve also struggled with on both sides. In high school when I mispronounced pho, I was accused of being a “bad Asian” by a white friend, but when I was talking diversity politics with a teacher, my point of view was dismissed because she knew I was adopted so I was “basically white anyway.” While I do try to defer to the point of view of Asian immigrants and descendants of immigrants when it comes to certain topics and experiences, I also think it’s important for people to understand that when I interact with the majority of people, I am treated as an Asian woman. I live life as an Asian woman, not a white woman. Alternatively, because I grew up in such a white area, I admit that I grew up with a lot of internalized racism and have found myself judging mixed race Asians for the same thing from time to time though I am actively trying to unlearn that habit.

Honestly, as I get older and try to understand who I am more, the more confused I get over my identity. It’s still something I’m working to understand.

Language

Outside of the Mandarin classes I went to briefly as a kid, I also took 3 semesters of Mandarin in college to fulfill my language requirement. I did actively choose to take Mandarin because I thought it was important for me to learn, not because of my culture, but because as an aspiring Chinese American actress, many breakdowns for roles require a knowledge of fluent Mandarin. I am not fluent. I fulfilled my requirement and haven’t pursued it any further as of yet. I might try again in the future.

Daily Struggles

Since turning roughly 18, whenever I go places with my parents, we’re typically asked if we want to split the check, but if my younger sister is with us, no one asks. I don’t know if it qualifies as a struggle, but it’s something I’ve noticed that biological parents and children don’t go through as much. I’ve also come to explain that I’m adopted when I’m talking about my childhood or my past. I do it partially to give context to whatever story I’m about to tell or for whatever I’m explaining. Ex: I’ve had to explain my background during a workshop when I wrote a paper on representation in media for Asian Americans because the people reading the paper didn’t know I was Asian American simply from the context of the personal experiences I presented in the paper and were guessing my race off of my white sounding name. I’ve also had to explain my background when another Asian American commented repeatedly that I “sound so white.” I’m also very open about the fact that I’m adopted if people ask because it’s not something I’m ashamed of, and I want to normalize the idea of adoption.

When I was only a couple years old there was a girl who made fun of me for being adopted. It’s one of my mom’s favorite stories, because rather than letting the girl get to me, I said something snarky in return, but I’m assuming that’s why I try to normalize the idea of adoption, because being adopted doesn’t make me any less of a person than someone who is still with their biological parents.

I also witnessed a lot of the Asian eye jokes, but curiously enough they were never directed at me. I guess that says something about the kind of environment I lived in, because when I said something to a boy drawing an “Asian smiley face” he looked stunned and was surprised that I was Asian. I guess this instance doesn’t have as much to do with adoption but is more of a comment on the stereotype about how Asians are supposed to look distorting the fact that we actually look like regular human beings and not caricatures.

Dating and Relationships and Home/Family Life/Friendships

I’m putting these two in the same category because my abandonment issues have had a similar impact on them. As a kid, I always hated leaving when we were visiting my out of state grandmother or whenever my mom would go on a work trip. I would cry and fuss, and even as an adult, I hate saying goodbye for a long period of time. Intellectually, I know I’ll see these people again, but emotionally I worry about what if? I also get really scared and start tearing up if my parents are late coming to pick me up from the airport when I come to visit. I worry about being left alone. And I want to emphasize that this isn’t a conscious, “Oh, I’m adopted, I’m worried I’m going to be abandoned again” type thing. So much of these feelings are internalized and subconscious. It’s just that fear of never seeing someone you care about again, and even though I’m a logical person who knows that they’re just late, I can’t override that fear.

I have never had a romantic relationship and I have a few close friends, but I’m not the life of the party. I’ve always been careful about forming connections with people and have even actively resisted it when I was younger and was going to camps or doing something where I’d only see these people for a small amount of time. I had the mentality of “It’s not worth it because I’ll never see them again,” and that’s another thing I’m trying to overcome, because I still don’t like making connections if I know they’re not going to last. For similar reasons, I’m also very bad at vocalizing my affections and feelings towards people. I’ve never liked letting people close, and there was a time when I was a teen where I even distanced myself from my family, and that’s a bridge I’m still trying to repair to this day.

My family has always been understanding of the fact that I’m dealing with a lot when it comes to understanding my adoption and my identity, but there are also some things that they don’t understand and it can be hard to talk to them about things like my cultural identity and growing up around tons of micro-aggressions that they’ve never had to deal with. 

Misconceptions

The idea of who my real parents are. The idea of one set of parents being more valid than the other just seems fucked up to me, especially when it’s been posed to me as “So if they tell you to do something, do you ever just say, ‘No, you’re not my real parents, you can’t tell me what to do.’” My adopted parents are still my parents. I also think of my biological parents as my parents. I have never hated or resented my biological parents for giving me up nor have I ever used my adoptee status as an excuse to act out towards my adopted parents. While I do know about the One Child Policy, I don’t know the specific circumstances surrounding why I was given up for adoption. I don’t see the point in being angry about it without knowing the whole story, and I’ve come to terms with the fact that I may never know the whole story.

I also don’t feel particularly grateful towards my adopted parents or like I owe them anything for adopting me. Don’t get me wrong, I still love them, but I’m not actively trying to repay them for adopting me. I don’t owe them my life, they’re just my family.

Self-Esteem

I had a lot of self-esteem issues growing up, and they still persist today. They aren’t something I linked back to my abandonment issues until I sat down and talked to a therapist. I’ve always been a perfectionist to the point where I was never happy with anything I did, unless it was perfect. I literally never felt good enough. Part of the reason I distanced myself from my family is because I didn’t want to be a bother. Intellectually I knew I wasn’t going to be abandoned again, but I still felt like I had to be as good as I could possibly be to make sure. This is another one of those things that was never consciously thought about, it’s just how things were. I didn’t feel like I or whatever issues I was having was worth the trouble of bothering people, especially my parents, so I just didn’t, and had a habit of keeping a lot of things bottled up inside without telling anyone*. It’s another thing I’m also currently working to better my perception of myself.

*Just because I was trying to be a good kid and didn’t vocalize affection much does not act as an excuse for writing a submissive, emotionally stunted stereotype of a Chinese Adoptee. I am also snarky and sarcastic and opinionated and outgoing with my friends.

Things I’d like to see less of

Stop using adoptees in the abortion argument in general, especially if you don’t understand the adoption process or the issues adoptees face. Stop asking me to choose who my real parents are. It also bothers me the way people romanticize adoption, even if it’s people in various fandoms goofing around. People who adopt are not saints. Fandoms who make light of adoption and squee about wanting to adopt a character or wanting one character to adopt another makes light of a whole situation. Adoption is a great thing. It’s great for kids without families to get a family, but it’s also a painful thing for the kid, because a kid needing to be adopted means that they’ve also lost a family at a young age. Please be sensitive of that. Don’t romanticize adoption. People trying to empathize with those internalized feelings of abandonment and mistrust when they don’t have the same or similar experiences. Other people are allowed to feel those things, but please understand that the degree of what we feel is immense. From a personal perspective, when people try to do that, it feels like they’re making light of what I feel.

Things I’d like to see more of

Just normalizing the idea of adoption and understanding the good and the bad. Adoption stories in media that don’t hinge on the angsty, rebellious adoptee being angry at their adoptive parents. Stories that give adoptees identities outside of their being adopted. Understand that all adoptees are not the same. We all have different experiences based on race, religion, the region we’ve been adopted into, the kind of parents we have. There are so many variables that make up who we are.