so y'know that post about aliens trying to take over earth only to cower in fear over our flora and fauna you reblogged? i was wondering about your take on them discovering condors, parrots or that satanic paraguayan frog which can hold onto people for hours with their fangs, 'cuz like south american fauna still seems a little underrepresented in the post ;)
friend all frogs are satanic
But let’s imagine:
Everything from fauna to flora to whatever else could freak them out at this point– They’re probably beyond paranoid after their trip to Australia, plus have decided to rely on and “accept” human “cooperation”.
Alien 1: What is this creature
Alien 2: Sir I believe it is some kind of… rodent?
Paraguayan Human Guide: Well yeah, actuall–
Alien 1: Impossible– it is enormous!
Alien 2: Shall we approach them?
Alien 1: NO. It is far too dangerous.
Paraguayan Human Guide: They’re pretty chill actually. We don’t have to mean any threat to them.
Alien 1: Threat to them? US?
Alien 1: Human, we’ve hunted a creature- we came to ask if it’s safe for comsumption.
Argentine Human Guide: Che, I told you already- if it’s too colorful it’s either angry or venomous and it will kill you
Alien 1: … Well, it does look intimidating
*Alien 2 appears screaming, the beast as taken their whole hand into their enormous mouth*
Alien 1: wHAT IN THE NAME OF URANA IS THIS
Alien 2: IT WANTS MY FLESH
Alien 1: HUMAN DO SOMETHING
Argentine Human Guide, turning pale: Shit man I ain’t going near that I am nOT GOING NEAR THAT WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE COLORS
Alien 1: Human, what is this
Peruvian Human guide: That’s a potato, it is harmless.
Alien 2: And what about this? What is this?
Peruvian Human Guide: That’s also a potato.
Alien 3: And what about this thing?
Peruvian Human Guide: … another potato.
Alien 4: What about this one?
Peruvian Human Guide: …. A potato.
Alien 5: And this–
Peruvian Human Guide: Potato.
Alien 1: But–
Peruvian Human Guide: Potatoes. All of them.
Alien 1: WHAT IS THIS– THIS DISGUSTING LOOKING, VILE THING??
Uruguayan Human Guide: ….. Uh
Alien 2: WHAT HAVE YOU BROUGHT TO OUR QUARTERS
Uruguayan Human Guide: I–
Alien 1: TRAITOR! DO YOU WISH TO KILL US
Uruguayan Human Guide: But-
Alien 1: ANSWER US, WHAT IS THIS
Uruguayan Human Guide: Milanesa.
Alien 2: A WA– A what
Uruguayan Human Guide: Guys it’s my lunch.
Alien 1, obviously disturbed: Human, what… what are those.
Brazilian Human Guide: It is Our God.
Alien 2, visibly nervous: T-this is a lie… You think we are to believe in mythology now?
Brazilian Human Guide: It is watching us. If we sin, all its eyes are to witness. His fury is upon us.