america!king

THINGS MORE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LAFAYETTE

-wrote in all caps in his letters when he was excited

-slept under a tree with Washington after the battle of Monmouth, both enveloped in Washington’s cape

-basically saved the life of the Queen by kissing her hand

-re-gifted a fucking aligator to President John Quincy Adams cause he didn’t know what the fuck to do with it

-wanted to go kill the Beast of Gévaudan (some big scary people-eating wolf that scared the shit out of the french at the time) by himself at like 6 years old

-called both Jefferson and Washington on their bullshit, telling them to free all their slaves… neither listened

-actually bought an entire island full of slaves with his wife Adrienne and freed them all, gave them money for the work they did, gave them education

-last letter he wrote before his death was about freeing slaves and how sad he was that France was taking so long to give people of colour the same rights than white people

-died holding a picture of his dead-wife to his heart

-cried with Jefferson when they met for the first time in years after both American and French revolutions

-continued to fight and got back on his horse when he was shot in the leg during his first battle

-called his only son “George Washington de Lafayette”

-was socially awkward af, especially when he was young

-a ginger

-left France to go fight for America when the King, his step family, and basically the whole court told him “no”

-had to sneak out of France

-sources differ, but probably left disguised as a woman so no one would recognised him

-gave the biggest symbol of French Revolution  (the key of the just-destroyed Bastille, a prison where the enemies of the King and Kingdom were imprisoned) to Washington

-orphan

-told Washington he was his lost father

-tripped when dancing with the Queen of France and never heard the end of it

-had “sleepovers” on the grass with John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton where they talked about politic

-threw himself in front of a loaded cannon ready to shoot to try to stop an event of the french Revolution to become too bloody

-at some point, pretty much everyone in France wanted him dead

-slept through two of the biggest events of the french Revolution lol

-gave money and helped a lot of poor farmers in need

-fought for other religions than his and the King’s own to be respected and have the same rights (specifically fought for Protestant and Jewish people)

-fought against death penalties

-brought back some dirt from America and told his son to put it on top of his grave when he dies

-redecorated his whole house in France just like American’s homes

-actually told people he was American

-altogether had a slight obsessing problem with America

-had his own room at Washington’s home

-had a ring with Washington’s hair in it

-was one of the richest man in France at the age of 12 because his whole family had basically died at that point

-changed back his family motto to “Why not?”

-was only 19 when he left for America

-was detained in horrible conditions in prison for 5 years (2 of which with his wife and daughters)

-refused the hell out of several powerful positions in politic and in the army because he didn’t found these to be close enough to his ideals of freedom and shit

"pizza is like sex"

lafayette: even when it’s bad, it’s good!

mulligan: it never gets old!

laurens: it’s good in the morning!

hamilton: it’s best with the boys!

lafayette:

mulligan:

laurens:

washington:

phillip:

eaker:

southern motherfucking democratic republicans:

king george:

america:

the world:

AMERICAN GODS SENTENCE STARTERS

episode one - the bone orchard. ( contains violence and nsfw themes )

  • ❝ no expertise can surmount a sea that does not wish you to reach shore. ❞
  • ❝ wind can be reasoned with. ❞
  • ❝ celebration was cut short. ❞
  • ❝ only good thing about being in prison is the relief. ❞
  • ❝ tomorrow can’t do anything today hasn’t already managed. ❞
  • ❝ this country went to hell when they stopped hanging folks. ❞
  • ❝ no gallows dirt, no gallows deals. ❞
  • ❝ you know, i’m not superstitious. ❞
  • ❝ i don’t believe in anything i can’t see. ❞
  • ❝ i feel like there’s a fuckin’ axe hanging over my head. i can’t see it, but i believe it. ❞
  • ❝ i can see it fine. ❞
  • ❝ prison has a way of trying to keep you in prison. ❞
  • ❝ i smell snow. ❞
  • ❝ i love you. something feels weird. ❞
  • ❝ i love you too. what feels weird? ❞
  • ❝ the air feels constipated, like if it’d just push out a storm, it’d be okay. ❞
  • ❝ a hundred twenty hours till you’re home. ❞
  • ❝ waiting for the sky to fall is gonna cause more bother than the sky actually falling. which it isn’t. ❞
  • ❝ do not piss off those bitches in airports. ❞
  • ❝ i guess this must be your lucky day, huh ?
  • ❝ you nervous ?
  • ❝ just sit back and be a bird. ❞
  • ❝ i offer you the worm from my beak and you look at me like i fucked your mom
  • ❝ you’re just the first person i’ve met who isn’t an asshole. ❞
  • ❝ give me time. ❞
  • ❝ what would you have done, my boy
  • ❝ seems like a firm decision made for good reasons, i can respect that. ❞
  • ❝ you lost something vital in there, and not just time. ❞
  • ❝ what might i call you, if i were so inclined
  • ❝ always good to meet a fellow traveler. ❞
  • ❝ i usually end up getting what i want. on average, over time. ❞
  • ❝ it’s all about getting people to believe in you. it’s not their cash, it’s their faith. ❞
  • ❝ now, what’s keeping us aloft ? faith ? or newton ?
  • ❝ don’t rush into this, take your time. ❞
  • ❝ there’s always work for a big guy who’s smart enough to know he’s better off letting people think he’s dumb. ❞
  • ❝ by the end of your tenure, you could be the next king of america. ❞
  • ❝ a man gets out of prison, he should be focused above all on not going back. ❞
  • ❝ believe. ❞
  • ❝ i don’t think i have the talent for it. ❞
  • ❝ you … like me
  • ❝ i’m not what i once was. ❞
  • ❝ you’re perfect. ❞
  • ❝ i don’t know what i’m doing. ❞
  • ❝ what man does ?
  • ❝ do something for me. worship me. ❞
  • ❝ worship me. pray to me like i’m your god. your goddess. ❞
  • ❝ you feel so good. i could keep fucking you forever. ❞
  • ❝ say my name. ❞
  • ❝ beloved, i worship your breasts and your eyes and your cunt. and i worship your thighs and your eyes and your cherry red lips. ❞
  • ❝ i am yours, my beloved. ❞
  • ❝ go on, let go ! give me everything !
  • ❝ i love you. ❞
  • ❝ not that rushing into things can’t be a good thing … ❞
  • ❝ sex rushed into tends to work out best for all involved. ❞
  • ❝ okay, i’ve said ‘fuck off’ politely as many ways as i’m gonna. now i’m fixing to be direct. ❞
  • ❝ what the fuck do you know about [ ] ?
  • ❝ more than you, it seems. ❞
  • ❝ i’m not gonna work for anyone who’s got worse luck than me. ❞
  • ❝ call it. ❞
  • ❝ rigged games are the easiest to beat. ❞
  • ❝ you’re a little creepy, and you’re forward, and familiar, and i don’t like it. i don’t like you. ❞
  • ❝ who’re you ?
  • ❝ i’m a leprechaun. ❞
  • ❝ we don’t come from moscow, russia. or moscow, idaho, for that matter. ❞
  • ❝ no details. ❞
  • ❝ devil’s in the details. ❞
  • ❝ do you know who he is ? who he really is
  • ❝ he’s hustling you. he’s a hustler. ❞
  • ❝ damn right. i’m a hustler, swindler, cheater, and liar. it’s why i need assistance. ❞
  • ❝ name your price. ❞
  • ❝ how’d you do it ?
  • ❝ with panache. ❞
  • ❝ simplest trick in the world. ❞
  • ❝ i’ll fight you for it. ❞
  • ❝ win or lose, and you will lose, it’s yours if you fight me. ❞
  • ❝ can you feel the joy rising in your veins like the sap in the springtime ?
  • ❝ i wanted to be a part of your history. ❞
  • ❝ it’s just anger ––– makes you feel like you can change the outcome. ❞
  • [] had the nerve to ask me what i wanted him to do with it. i told him leave it where it found it. ❞
  • ❝ target would be more interesting than here. ❞
  • ❝ if there isn’t some kinda life after death, i’m gonna be so fuckin’ pissed. ❞
  • ❝ there is no closure from the dead. ❞
  • ❝ i’m sorry for your loss, [] , i really am. anyone tell you that yet ? anyone even hug you ?
  • ❝ hear me out, this is a good one. lex talionis. an eye for an eye. a blowjob for a blowjob. ❞
  • ❝ jesus, who knew i could be so angry ?! 
  • ❝ i am trying to get my dignity back here
  • ❝ don’t fuck with me, [
  • ❝ what’s he doing here ? what’s the plan ? what’s the game plan, man ? ❞
  • ❝ how auspicious, you must be special. ❞
  • [ ] is history. forgotten and … old. ❞
  • ❝ we have reprogrammed reality. language is a virus. religion, an operating system, and prayers are just so much fucking spam. ❞
  • ❝ the dominant fucking paradigm, [] , that is the only important thing. ❞
  • ❝ by the way, i was sorry to hear about your wife/husband. tough break. ❞
  • ❝ so, i will ask again: what is it [ ] is up to ? ❞
  • ❝ you saying you don’t know ? … would you tell me even if you did ?
10 Books Recommended by President Barack Obama

Last year President Barack Obama shared with WIRED magazine a list of 10 books he highly recommends. These are the books. (Click the links for descriptions.) 

- The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln
- Parting the Waters: America in the King Years 1954-63 by Taylor Branch
- The Power Broker: Robert Moses and the Fall of New York by Robert A. Caro
- The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin
- Andy Grove: The Life and Times of an American by Richard S. Tedlow
- Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari
- Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
- In Dubious Battle by John Steinbeck
- Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity by Katherine Boo
- The Sixth Extinction: An Unnatural History by Elizabeth Kolbert

Have your read any of these? What are you thoughts on this list? 

J E S U S C H R I S T

3

That’s a coin you’d give to the King of America himself. Not some pissant bastard like your piece of shit husband. Just give me my fucking coin back!

the puppy bowl is the greatest invention of the 21st century. hair dryers included.