me 0.2 seconds later: considering sigurd’s so mobile and valflame is essentially the equivalent of a hecking cinderblock being chained to your ankle I give him all of thirty seconds before he tries throwing it into a lake out of sheer hatred for how ridiculously heavy it is
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Iulary, any tips about the whole adulthood thing? I'm just starting out and I'm scared and you seem to have a pretty good handle on the whole thing, so... -_____-?
Ack my last ask sent before I could fix the typo. HILARY I mean!
Haha it’s okay. I figured it out. :D
First, I’m flattered that I have given off this impression in any way, shape or form, as whenever I reflect back on myself, I tend to be like, “wow, I was really dumb.” I probably still am, but whatever.
Anyway, your ask is nicely timed, because I have been thinking about this recently and have had a few other people ask me questions in this vein. The first thing I will say is that you shouldn’t be scared of it. It’s a big change and things will not go the way you are used to and you will have to learn how to do things that you didn’t know even existed, and yes, at some point you will feel like a total failure. Probably more than once. This is to be expected and does not reflect on you personally. I promise.
But in my opinion, being a grownup is fun. Perpetual adolescence is overrated (I mean, just look at Twilight). Just for a start, you can do what you want and be responsible for yourself. I always find that a very empowering feeling. And you don’t have to give up the things you love. That’s according to a very narrow and circumscribed definition of what it means to be a grownup, so let’s just ignore that right now. If people are going to give you grief for pursuing your hobbies and interests, they are miserable little gits who you don’t need in your life. You can quote me on that, ahem. (This fits in with my advice to an earlier anon that trying to study something you think is practical, but which you don’t like at all, in hopes of getting The Good Job, is not a good plan. The Good Job, simply due to the way the postmillennial economy works, does not exist anymore. Do not sacrifice your dreams and passions and ambitions for the outdated baby-boomer framework. Do not. The world needs more thinking, creative, passionate, engaged people. You can also quote me on this).
Dress well. You don’t have to put on a skirt or a suit or whatever every time you leave the house, but a little bit of care for your appearance works wonders both inside and out. I like jewelry and makeup; not everyone does, but I do. I like looking as if I took the time to make myself presentable and confident in public. Yes, being an adult means you can wear sweatpants all day if you want to, but it also means being cognizant that you have the ability to shape how you are perceived and the impression you create. Basic stuff like washing your hair and showering and wearing deodorant every day. Some people honestly just don’t know to do this. In that vein, keeping your space neat also helps. Again, you don’t have to be Super Maid, but picking up stuff on the floor, doing the dishes, and giving the bathroom a scrub semi-regularly is advised.
You can set most of your bills to auto-pay and/or have your checks direct deposited. This way, they get taken care of even if you forget.
A basic amount of human decency and common sense, and a dose of perspective, will get you a long way. That’s why I often get fed up with tumblr, because it’s such a deeply adolescent environment (in mentality at least). It’s the “nah nah nah I’m right and everyone who disagrees are stinky horrible people” all-or-nothing approach. Tumblr has some great features and great safety nets, and serves an important role as a transition space, but it’s not the real world. People you meet in real life cannot be argued into the ground or yelled at or ignored the way you can do here. You will have to compromise and listen and face things you are uncomfortable with. You will meet people who disagree with you. Surprise! They are actually people too. You will have to learn how to set boundaries and negotiate healthy interactions. Do not let yourself be taken advantage of or attached to negative draining people, but don’t discard somebody out of hand just because they don’t think like you.
Being an adult means you will sometimes want to hide in a blanket all day and ignore everything and everyone. That is fine and you should totally do that when you need mental health breaks, but that is also not a way to live. Eventually, whether by yourself or with help if you need it, you will need to get out of that blanket, take a shower, clean up the house, and walk out the front door.
You are not the most important person in the world and it does not revolve around your tastes and preferences. Some things are worth standing up for and arguing about. Some things are not. Not everything everywhere is a battle.
That said, however, you ARE the most important person in your own life. Try to make peace with yourself and the things you dislike about yourself (which is something I am still struggling with and everyone does). Don’t automatically devalue or doubt yourself or assume you’re the worst person alive. You’re not. You have some things to learn, yes, but you have a lot to offer. If you’re stuck or don’t know, ask. Nobody expects everyone to know everything. Most people will be glad to help.
You will learn how to think critically. Some of it you will learn in college or at work, and some you will just learn by yourself. It’s fun to be able to read something and think, well I agree with A, but not with B, and I’m ambivalent about C. The world gets a lot more interesting and complicated when you take it out of black and white.
Literally everyone in their late teens and early twenties feels like an idiot and impostor. Everyone I know in grad school, myself included, is just waiting for the day when everyone finds out that we don’t know a thing about anything. Older people have this feeling too. It’s totally normal and human. It does not reflect on you personally. It means you are self aware and self critical enough to wonder who you are and what you mean. People who never have this feeling are oblivious arrogant jerks (usually) and never stop to wonder if they’re wrong.
It is okay to spend money on yourself and to feel happy. It is okay to do spur of the moment things.
The voice in your head screaming abuse at you and making you doubt everything about what you want and who you are is not who you really are.
If someone wants you to change your entire personality and interests and everything about you, or tries to control you in any way, run. Don’t walk, run. Don’t stay in a relationship, whether romantic, familial, friendly, professional, etc that’s destroying you just because you think you’ll never find anything better and this is what you deserve anyway. This goes back to the boundary setting above. Respect yourself.
Don’t be a dick to people, especially service workers. Do not be the soccer mom with the Kate Gosselin haircut and the mini van yelling at people making $7.25 an hour. Don’t be a dick in general. Be assertive and respect yourself and your beliefs, but don’t go around yelling them in people’s faces every chance you get.
Take an interest in your world and your environment. Do what you can, or what you’re comfortable with, to make it a better place. Go world traveling on Wikipedia, read articles about places and things you’re interested in. Read books. Be informed.