Amber Weaver: On a scale of 1 - 10, what do you think I am? I feel like a 7 or an 8, but I really want to be a 9 you know? Reggie, do you think I’m pretty? Not pretty on the inside, I mean like pretty pretty.
Reggie Jackson: I think you’re …
Amber Weaver: Give me a number, Reggie. I want a number. . . .
Reggie Jackson: Pi. You’re like Pi. Pi is 3.14159 and it goes on and on, you know?
Amber Weaver: So you’re saying I’m a 3?
Reggie Jackson: No, I’m saying you’re Infinite, Amber.
When the Stars Come Out- Remadora? For the made up fic, if you're still doing them:)
@ginniewheezie i will always be doing these. i could drabble write all day; just the prompts vary. also love your blog and have def stalked it :) i consider you a silent mutual (unless you want to be true muties)
Title: When the Stars Come Out Pairing: Remus Lupin & Nymphadora Tonks Summary: Young and whole men do not always remain so.
c. 1996 - warning, angst ahead
“Thanks, Dora,” Remus said it absently, staring at the sheafs of notes in his hand at the grimy basement kitchen table of Grimmauld Place. There was thunderous silence in the kitchen, and he looked up, open-mouthed. “I’m sorry,” he said at once. “Tonks, I’m sorry. An old habit because it’s-”
“What Sirius used to call me,” said Tonks, with a ghost of a smile. “I know. I remember.”
“Yes, well,” and Remus was uncomfortable, not looking at her. He knew Tonks liked him, but her affection was misplaced.
“No, you don’t understand,” said Tonks again, forcing him to look up at her. “I remember.” And it wasn’t Tonks standing there. It was Sirius. But not as Sirius as Remus had so recently lost him, gaunt with half a beard and dark sunken eyes. He was Sirius, the way Remus loved him best. The way he remembered him best. He was wearing his leather jacket, his combat boots, his face only shadowed with the hint of stubble he might be able to grow. He was sixteen years old. Remus knew it without asking, and his own eyes filled with the memories and the longing as he looked at him. He looked, and looked, and filled his memories and heart and eyes and still it wasn’t enough.
“I remember him like this,” said Tonks-Sirius, but her voice was her own, and he snapped out of it, jerking back from the image of Sirius. Some of her features melded into his, and for the first time Remus saw their similarities in their noses, their sparkling dark brown eyes. The heavy smile lines. Her face kept shifting, and Remus was taken aback. It looked like Sirius, but it wasn’t Sirius. The hair was heavier. Lanker. The nose more crooked. Heavy lips. Darker eyes. Slighter. Shorter.
“I remember him too,” said Tonks in her own voice.
“I didn’t know you knew Reggie,” said Remus quietly, but kicking himself. Of course she did. She knew them both.
“He was my favorite cousin,” said Tonks, her hair bleaching out brown and mousy, her eyes lightening to their own shade of brown shot with amber. “I liked Reggie even better than Sirius.”
Tonks gave this the due thought it was accorded. “I don’t know,” she said finally. “He was younger. I was born…what was it, your first year?”
Remus nodded, feeling old and guilty. “Sirius showed me your baby pictures at breakfast,” he recalled.
Tonks only laughed. “When they came to visit…Sirius seemed…like an adult. And he loved Mum so much. He wanted to spend all his time with her, especially when she was sick.”
“And Reg…well I called him Blackie,” unconsciously her own hair darkened, ink spilling across the roots and down her back. “Because I wanted to look like him. And he was younger. He didn’t…Sirius was old. But Reggie was mine. He was like me. He would play with me and eat my imaginary cakes and clean me up and…” Tonks trailed off.
“You remember,” echoed Remus.
Tonks nodded. She swallowed. “You loved him.” She said it as a fact. She didn’t need any evidence to contradict it. She had seen Remus reach for the image of him. The image of their relationship at its start.
Remus closed his eyes, his hands under the table. He glanced down at his pale fingernails in the shadows before he nodded. He felt the first hot tear at seeing Sirius drip down onto a thumb.
“I loved him too,” said Tonks, sitting down beside him at the table. A silent spell locked the kitchen from any Order intruders, despite it being past midnight. “I wish I had gotten to know him before…I think we would have been great friends. He was in the unique position of being friends with Mum and with me…right between us in ages.”
“Dora,” and Remus said it again, unconsciously again, not even catching the slip. “Don’t.”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say!” she fired up at once.
“I do,” said Remus wearily, shuffling the papers and avoiding her gaze. “And it’s not real. It’s infatuation. You have your pick of-”
Remus closed his eyes again. “You really don’t,” he said quietly. He opened his eyes and looked at her, his eyes blazing with something inside him. “You want to be with someone who can’t get work? Who’s registered, like an animal, with the local government? That registration that keeps him from finding steady employment? Who will always be working odd jobs and always poor and always tired?”
“That doesn’t matter-”
“Doesn’t matter now,” said Remus harshly. “You’re what? Twenty-four?”
“Twenty-five,” said Tonks stubbornly.
“I’m thirty-seven,” said Remus flatly. “I’m too old for you. You are in the prime of your - “
“Shut UP!” Tonks exploded. “God, just shut up! Do you hear yourself? Do you even see what I see? A man who is kind and smart and -”
“You don’t know what I am,” said Remus darkly. “Life hasn’t been kind to me Dora,” and this time he said it purposefully, with edge. “I’ve lost all that I’ve ever had, and that kind of darkness never leaves. I used to think-” and he ran his fingers through his greying brown hair with a hand, half-hysterically, “I used to think that being the monster was the worst part of me!”
“But it’s not!” he continued loudly. “It’s not! The worst part of me is the man! Is the man who is bitter and lonely and broken. The scars? The scars you can see? If you could see what I really looked like - you wouldn’t even want to come near me-”
“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND!” bellowed Remus, surprising even himself. He took several calming breaths. Only one other person in his life could provoke him to this rage, and that had been incessant, teasing James.
“Tonks,” he said it quietly, returning to her familiar surname. “My father abstained from a Beast versus Being debate when I was five years old. I was playing outside when I was bitten by Fenrir Greyback. I was almost mauled to death.”
Tonks didn’t speak, only stared at him, promising mutely to stay quiet.
“My mother miscarried my sister my fourth year. Sirius… Sirius and I…” but Remus couldn’t continue. He plowed forward. “Sirius called me the year after Hogwarts to here. To this kitchen fireplace,” and he gestured behind him. “Completely frantic. Out of his head. Kept telling me he didn’t know how to clean up a mess.”
Tonks swallowed. She had heard stories.
“His father was hanging from the balcony. Reggie had gone missing three days before. His mother was upstairs; she knew of the body for all three days. It was bloated and rancid by the time Sirius found it, only approached by Kreacher.”
“I was just a kid,” and Remus’ grey eyes were swimming as he looked at her bitterly. “I didn’t know what to do. We called my dad. James’ father….he had passed…passed in sixth year. Or we would have called him.”
Remus swallowed, but forced himself to continue. “The year Harry was born, I was visiting my parent’s cottage in Wales. I was going to dinner. I couldn’t find work, but I was going to lie to them. I arrived with a bottle of Mum’s favorite wine…and the Dark Mark was set above the house.”
Tonks closed her hand over Remus’ but he didn’t feel it, his eyes unblinking into space.
“I apparated for James. He was closest. He and Lily and Sirius came right away. Lily held my hand outside while James and Sirius went in. They…they wouldn’t let me in. James told me….told me Greyback had come back and…” his voice was a whisper. “There was too much blood for me to…to see my parents like that,” he finished.
Tonks could feel him trembling, and she scooted her chair closer, moving her arm around his shoulders, leaning her face into his shoulder, trying to be as close as she could get without interrupting.
“And then…” Remus’ voice was a high, thready whine. “Dumbledore asked me to spy in the werewolf community for him. To try to get some to our side. Those days…the seventies and eighties for werewolves were not kind. Most were homeless. Living rough. Often strung out on drugs they could find, roving in packs. I had to be accepted among them…I had to…I did…”
But Remus didn’t finish, only closed his eyes and shivered. Tonks’ other hand came to his free one in his lap, gripping it, anchoring him.
“When…when I was lucid…it was November. It was…all over. No one had been able to find me…to tell me…I woke to find…James and Lily,” his voice broke at last, and the tears fell, as he shook his head hard.
“And…Sirius?” his voice was high and questioning. “Sirius had? But…how could he have? I couldn’t…” he cleared his throat. “I was trying to find him. To ask him…and he…he killed Peter, Dora. He killed him.” His face was far away, small, scared.
“He didn’t,” Tonks told him quietly. “You know he didn’t.”
“But I thought…” Remus shook his head. “There was no trial…he was allowed no visitors. Dumbledore said…” he stopped, swallowing hard. “There was…nothing left for me but Harry. I went to see his Aunt. I asked her to let me take him. I wasn’t his godfather but Sirius and I…we…”
He began to cry weakly, shivering so hard he was rattling Tonks’ jaw against his shoulder. She felt helpless. Confused. She only gripped him more tightly until her knuckles ached.
“After…after I helped her with the funeral…dual part, you know. Muggle and wizard…Dumbledore put up the statue for them. Over their graves. They were buried next to James’ parents…because his mum…thank god his mum died before…”
“I know,” murmured Tonks, but she didn’t. Not really. Both of her parents loved her. Both were alive.
“I went abroad,” said Remus wildly. “I was trying to escape the registry. I had to smuggle across borders to keep from pinging border patrol of my status. I lived for a while in Eastern Europe. Estonia. Latvia. Belarus.”
“I didn’t know you spoke other languages,” Tonks said quietly, trying to direct him away from the spiraling manic heart-murder of his life.
“I took Languages as an elective,” he said absently. “Discontinued after O.W.L.s because I didn’t think I’d need Magical Languages. I wanted to be a healer…and I didn’t need Mermish or Gobbledegook for that.”
“You’re so smart,” sighed Tonks. “I took muggle studies to keep up with my television shows from home to write to Dad about.”
Remus actually laughed, a strained, painful sound. He glanced up at her, his eyes wet, and gratified to find hers as well.
“You don’t want me,” he whispered. “You shouldn’t. I’m not coming out of this life happy, Dora. I’m not…I’m not good for anyone.”
“I didn’t have any siblings,” said Tonks matter-of-factly. “After Mum got sick…the potions they gave her made sure she couldn’t have any more. So I was it.”
Remus nodded. He didn’t have siblings either.
“So to me…Sirius and Reggie were…were like my brothers. My cool older brothers that came at Christmas and Easter. Who came during summers to drink lemonade and help Mum redo her chairs. Who lived on a transfigured sofa overnight and ate Indian takeaway from down the street. I…” she paused. “I know it’s not what you had with him. But I lost him too. A little. In a little way. And maybe that’s all I have-” she said defensively. “And this is the only loss I know. And I’m sorry it’s not like yours, and it’s not big and dramatic, and broken but it…it hurts,” she said quietly. “And I don’t know how to live like I did. I can’t even keep my hair a color for half an hour. Everything drains out of me, like having a cracked cup.”
Remus realized they were still twined together, and he gently extricated himself from her, but still held the hand in his lap. “It will get better,” he said, without hope for himself.
“Please,” said Tonks, her own amber eyes sparking with unexpected tears. She rarely cried. “Please Remus…help me.” She stared straight at him. “I’m not trying to help you, or to save you, or to love you,” she said brokenly. “Help me. Save me. I can’t do this by myself. And I don’t have anyone else.”
Remus stared at her quietly, before he leaned in quietly, and ever so gently, kissed her forehead with cold lips. As if it was permission, Tonks broke, and he pulled her from her own kitchen chair into his, across his lap like a child and gathered her up.
She twined her arms around his neck and sobbed into his collarbone. After a long while, she felt his own tears against her shoulder. They held each other together, while outside everything fell apart and the stars came out.
Send me a made up AO3 title and i’ll write you a drabble based off of it!
Sasha has always tried to play it safe, to keep her life as simple and risk-free as possible. Things change, however, when she garners the interest of a handsome, charming, younger man from a completely different world than hers. As she starts to question her own rules, is she ready to take the biggest chance of them all? Will she let herself take that dive? Roman Reigns/OC.
As Andrea became a distant memory, a very special week was dawning. Sasha was celebrating her birthday, and in five days, she and Joe would be completing their first year as a couple. Sasha received a lot of birthday love and gifts from friends, which was heartwarming. Last year’s birthday was a quieter affair with her kids, taking them out for a nice family dinner. She was very pleased that she could afford to take them somewhere fancier this year. Joe sent a whopping thirty-six bouquets of roses, one for each year of her birth and in different colors. They covered the porch and the doorstep, a nice surprise for Sasha as she returned home with Mia after picking her up from school. Mia had a lot of fun arranging the bouquets around the big house. Sasha adored the flowers, but it only her miss her man more, as he was once again thousands of miles away at work.
Just in time for the holiday! Watch this clip from last week’s Comedy Bang! Bang! to find out how you can enjoy all of your favorite Thanksgiving carols, and then check out some of our favorite turkey day hits!