Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say, You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)
Mike and I were invited back to Nickelodeon last week to do a Q&A with an awesome group of interns and former interns now working at the studio (two of whom are former students of mine). They asked lots of thoughtful questions and hopefully we had something useful to impart in our responses.
These inspiring, energetic, and ambitious young people are in good hands with the amazing Amy Wu running the intern program, helping to guide their early career paths with care and passion. I look forward to seeing what they all create/write/produce/innovate in the near future. Good luck!
I’ve always said, Tumblr isn’t perfect, but it brought me wonderful blessings! Amy @amymontico has been my cheerleader from the beginning! She is one of my dearest friends and mentors and I can always count on her for a good chuckle or a hug, when needed. ;) I cannot wait to see what these little things can do and hopefully channel my inner Amy!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU AMY!!! *HUGE HUGS* 💖💖💖💖
Favorite Female Character: Amy Dunne (With character tropes) “I’m the cunt you married. The only time you liked yourself was when you were trying to be someone this cunt might like. I’m not a quitter, I’m that cunt. I killed for you; who else can say that? You think you’d be happy with a nice Midwestern girl? No way, baby! I’m it.”