So yesterday i got a package in the mail addressed to Amanda Gutierrez from Joshua Gutierrez! :D

haha yeah well that freaked my mom out when she saw the package. haha No, we’re not engaged, lol but i guess its a promise ring? haha “…. the next ring i get you would be for when I ask for your hand in marriage so we could be together finally.”

the ring: “i love you” is engraved all around the outside and on the inside he had my initials engraved. i love it! but its a liiiitle too big -____-; but i don’t care!

ahh i love my boyfriend. <3


So three days ago, guess who surprised me?!


his family invited me over for his moms bday. I walk in, say hi to everyone then his dad starts showing me pictures on his camera & he flips through pictures of josh holding his baby nephew (he hasnt met him yet, well until now obviously lol) then im like “wait what?” and his dad was like “yeah! thats nathan and joshua. haha” and i was like “ well i know that! haha where is he???" 

then right after i say that, he pops out of nowhere with a big bouquet of flowers and runs up to me and gives me the biggest hug ever!  and then a kiss. lol. ahh best feeling ever! ive missed him so much

best surprise ever. && im mos def taking advantage of these 20 days(:

finally! after over two and a half years together, we finally get to spend our first christmas and new years together!!



it has been one year and three months since i’ve seen him. HOLY CRAP! 7 more days <3

its finally official…. FUCKING FINALLY! holy crap you have no idea how happy i am right now. FUCK YES! i get to see him!!!! eeeeeep!


I’m back home & I already miss him, his kisses, and acting silly with him. Those 6 days with him we’re the best. It was exactly what I needed with him after the hard 15 months apart. The only thing I wish was different was the weather, right when i got there, a storm came, it was pouring rain, windy and gloomy almost the entire time. Then the day I left, the sun came out -_____- like really?! WTF! But I’ll take that as a blessing in disguise. I had him all to myself, just him & I the entire time for once. He showed me around to places he usually goes to off and on base. & on the last night we went to this place called Flex for dinner, yeah it was a cute little place. he knew all i asked for was to go to the beach but we couldnt go cause of the weather. Once we were done with dinner, it stopped raining so we walked over to the beach. There was no one but us by the beach, just stood there holding each other that night looking out for about 5 minutes. Then out of nowhere, it started raining HARD on us. we ran back to the street, i tripped of course, and tried to hail down honchos till one stopped to pick us up. Now its time to get back down to reality and get back to my routine with a few new things added. I’ll probably be busy as heck this year with school, work, and pledging for Kappa Psi Epsilon. I have a feeling that pledging is going to take up all my free time. If things go as planned, i’ll see him again in December (:

way beyond excited right now (:

ahhhhhhhh! i get to see him!! after over a year apart, i get to kiss him, hug him, snuggle with him, hold his hand, lay in bed with him, be in his arms, play fight with him, do him ;) explore with him, act silly with him, do nothing but sit there with him…. oh man the list goes on. eeeeeeeeeeep!!!!! 

& im trying to fit everything in a carry on at the moment, if you knew me, im trying to do the impossible. I tend to over pack. haha

I couldn’t sleep last night so he entertained me with his weirdness.

IDK why but i decided to take a shower at 1 in the morning. after my shower i was WIIIIDE awake so i went on fb and decided to talk to him. he kept hinting to me that i should be sleeping bacause i have school in the morning. but i explained to him why i cant sleep so he skyped me in attempt to get me tired & fall asleep. We talked about how we met, how we were when we were just friends in high school, how he used to tease me for my “inappropriate” attire, the classes we had together, how it all started, the first time we had sex, the first time i said i love you, the first time he said i love you, and all the thoughts and feelings that ran through our heads during these times that we really havent talked about seriously before. it really was a good talk. and to know that he still get nervous (in a good way) around me after almost TWO years, its just amazing. it took him awhile for him to tell me that he loved me because he tried not to get too attatched because he was leaving for bootcamp, which i understand. i kinda did the same thing. he said he faught soo hard not to fall for me. haha how’d that work out for him? haha not so good. we both cant wait to spent the rest of our lives together. a lot more was said in this conversation but eh, ill write about it later.

Because I don't know where else to put this...

Earlier today my 16 year old brother got a call from his friend. Just seconds before the phone call we were just cracking jokes at each other and wrestling. because you know, I like to bug my siblings when im bored. But then he goes into his room to talk to his friend and all I hear is “ are you serious” “please tell me your joking” “well, how is everyone doing? how did this happen?” I can see his eyes get red and watery and his face was full of worry and sadness. I leave him alone to finish his call while I finish putting some clothes away. I run out of hangers so I go back to my brothers room to ask for some. his door was locked shut. I knocked and he opened the door, his eyes full of tears. I dont think ive ever seen him this upset/ sad. well besides the passing of our grandma. I ask him whats wrong and he tells me that one of his best friends had committed suicide last night. I remember her, i gave her a ride home from school a couple times when I would pick up my brother. She was always very smiley.

I really can’t imagine how hurt my brother is feeling right now. I tried to comfort him, but i really didnt know how. i’ve never lost a friend in that way, i’ve never even known someone who has taken their own life. 

on the night of july 10, 2012 she decided to take her own precious life away. for reasons i dont know. yeah life is shit sometimes but, please please PLEASE never ever think about taking your own life away. your life is worth a whole fucking lot more than any shitty situation. If you need to talk to someone about your problems, PLEASE DO. don’t hold it in till you feel like the only option you have is to take your own life. because in reality, no situation is worth that fatal consequence. think about youre future, what you want to accomplish, and really, if youre going through a rough time, please remember that there are bright days ahead. HOLD ON TO THAT.

YESYESYESYES!.... wooomp

YAY! Josh is coming home on the 14th!! 8 muhhfuhhkin days!! but… ill be at retreat with my kappa sisters that weekend. waaaaah ): so im not sure what day ill be able to go see him because he would have to report to base right away. right? or can he come home for a little? or maybe since ill be in palm springs & he’ll be at 29 palms, maybe i can swing by for a night? sorry, im thinking out loud as i type. haha. waaaaah i dont know how were going to do this -__-