am i wry no

daffodil

The problem is that Eren is ridiculously handsome these days.

Sure, Levi had always acknowledged that the kid was kinda cute, especially after he’d started growing his hair out and learned to control his temper better. That had been it, though, and since back then Levi had still been his Captain, he’d never really even allowed himself to dwell on such things. But now when he’s retired - and growing soft with age, as Eren himself had claimed once with a twinkle in his eyes - he’s become painfully aware of just how attractive he finds Eren.

He’s sitting amongst tall grass and wildflowers, more focused on admiring the line of Eren’s broad shoulders than paying attention to what he’s doing with his squad. Since he can’t deny a single thing from Eren, he’d naturally agreed to come along and watch them train. It would be really helpful, Eren had said, worrying on his bottom lip with his teeth in a way that had been horribly distracting to Levi, because even though he’d now officially been promoted to Squad Leader, he could use some feedback on his training methods.

They’ve been at it for what must be hours now, and Levi’s quite impressed. Maybe he really is old and soft, because he’d have allowed at least one break somewhere in between. Eren’s more strict than he would’ve imagined, even tense at times, and Levi’s not at all envious of his squad members.

It’s quite nice, in a way, sitting in the sun and merely allowing time to pass. That’s a luxury in and of itself, he thinks, being able to stop and smell the flowers, both figuratively and literally. He’s plucked a freshly blooming daffodil from the ground and is twirling it in his fingers when Eren seems to have decided it’s finally time for a break.

Without hesitation, Eren comes to him, leaving his squad to cool off amongst themselves. He plops down on the ground next to Levi, a little out of breath but still no less gorgeous. There’s a small frown resting over his features and Levi wants to kiss it away, to press his lips against the crease in his brow and the downturned corners of his mouth.

“Hi,” Eren says and manages a wry grin. “How am I doing so far?”

Levi tears his gaze away from the shining green of Eren’s eyes and instead turns to watch his squad members, most of whom are also on the ground, trying to catch their breath. “Well,” he starts off and intends to go on, but apparently that’s already enough for Eren.

“Really? I don’t know,” he sighs, taking a hand through his unruly hair. He’s discarded his jacket long ago and rolled up his sleeves, and Levi finds himself hopelessly transfixed by the firm muscles in his arms. Not to mention his hands, dear God, those broad palms and long skilled fingers that Levi’s imagined touching him all over so many times that he’s lost count by now.

To top it off, Eren towers over him by now, having grown several inches over the years. That’s completely unacceptable to Levi. This is Eren, his Eren who’d he’d vowed to protect, the perpetually angry and squeaky-voiced kid who’d looked at him like he’d hung the damn moon. His Eren is not allowed to be this attractive, because Levi honestly cannot handle it.

Eren is in the middle of rambling about something when Levi realizes he hasn’t been listening at all. He’s fidgeting in place, that much Levi registers, hands clenched into fists and his stare darting back and forth from Levi’s face to his own feet as he talks. There’s something trapped in the green of Eren’s eyes that reminds him of a panicked animal, and Levi wants nothing more than to soothe him and tame him.

“Hey,” he interrupts, making Eren stop abruptly. “It’s okay. Breathe. Relax.”

It’s a horribly clumsy attempt at comforting him, but Eren’s shoulders do drop a little. “Yeah. Okay,” he repeats with a long exhale. “Sorry. It’s, uh, you being here just makes me a little nervous.” It’s all said in one hasty breath, almost fearfully.

Levi blinks. “It’s okay,” he repeats, and having ran out of things to say, reaches out and hands his daffodil to Eren. “Here. Take this.”

It’s silent for a while, but Eren does extend his hand and pluck the flower from his hand, his face questioning but also a little hopeful. “What?” he asks, as if he hadn’t quite heard right.

“It reminded me of you,” Levi says and opens his mouth to explain further, but when nothing comes to mind, he closes it again. “Make sure you don’t crush it, though. Maybe train your squad a little less intensely.” He’s not sure if Eren can manage that for even a fraction of a second, being less intense than he usually is, but for the sake of his overworked squad members, Levi sure hopes so.

“Thank you.” Eren’s lips are curving into a tiny smile, and it’s the most beautiful thing Levi’s ever seen. “I’ll try to take good care of it.”

“I know you will,” he says, more to himself than to Eren since the kid is already up and ready to continue,  newfound enthusiasm in his voice.

One of the members of his squad outright whimpers when told to get up and resume training, another one actually has the gall to talk back at Eren, but none of them even mention the delicate daffodil now tucked behind his ear.

Work It Out

In which Eric Bittle officially comes out to his Mama. 

Read on Ao3

It was only hours into Christmas vacation and the Bittle Family’s quaint, sunshine yellow kitchen was already overflowing with every kind of pie-like confection imaginable. Apple. Cherry. Rhubarb. You name it, and it was probably perched on one of the many crowded windowsills.

This increased state of pie productivity was due in part to the fact that the elder Bittle had missed her son/best friend/partner in sugary crime something fierce while he was away at college, but it was mostly just because Eric himself was more nervous than he’d ever been in his whole life.

Today was the day. Today was the day he would tell her about Jack.

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most ardently- chapter five

Clarke Griffin has been forced to abandon her name and her family. She is desperately hiding in her new role as lady’s maid to Lady Lexa, fumbling through her duties and hoping to become invisible, when she realises that her heiress mistress is caught firmly under the thumb of her overbearing uncle. As Lexa suffocates under the expectations of her remaining family, she and Clarke slowly realise that they may be each other’s safe haven.

or: Clarke is hiding a secret while struggling to seem like an experienced lady’s maid for Lexa, who is painfully glad for a friend.

5/6, 8k words

Read on ao3

“You’re very accomplished, Clarke.” The voice startles her so much that the brush falls from her fingers and lands on her apron, leaving a wide green smudge behind it.

She tuts under her breath, collecting the brush and depositing it safely on the table before twisting in her seat to look up at the lady stood behind her. Lexa is soft in the morning light, smiling slightly, the dark blue skirt of her dress brushing against Clarke’s arm, and Clarke momentarily feels her heart shudder at the sight.

“You could have spoilt my painting,” she scolds, grinning, and Lexa bends down to get a closer look at it, peering over her shoulder.

“My sincerest apologies,” she doesn’t sound repentant in the slightest and Clarke rolls her eyes, “it is a beautiful picture.”

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kiss me on the mouth (and set me free)

Pairing: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson (ft. side Zayn Malik/Liam Payne)
Rating: Mature
Word Count: 47254
Summary:
Harry, being his endlessly patient self, asks with a wry smile, “And who am I going to spontaneously marry for financial aid?”

He clearly intends for it to be a rhetorical question, for it to shoot down Louis’ ridiculous marriage idea. But Louis answers easily, “Me. You’ll marry me.“

aka the not-so fake marriage au in which Harry and Louis get married to keep Harry from dropping out of uni (and if they discover that they’re in love along the way, well, that’s neither here nor there).

Time After Time (Part 7 of 10)

Summary: AU. When the reader’s parents divorce, her mother moves her to a new town, right next door to Bucky Barnes. This is their love story.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 2,202

Warnings: language, drinking, angst, mentions of cheating

A/N: I love angst.

Part 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6a - 6b - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

Age 21

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pining fic rec (21 fics)

here is a quick little fic rec of some of my favorite fics with pining!! i hope y’all like them, and as always drop by my ask with requests!  💖

❉ - means you need an ao3 account to read!

Searching For The Cure (We Found Us) by itsprobablylarry (30k)

“So you woke up as a frog,” Louis considers out loud. “What if you’re like that princess that turns into a swan during the day but is a human between sunset and sunrise?”

Harry just blinks at him, clearly unimpressed.


(Basically: Louis doesn’t quite know how to handle the fact that his best friend/roommate wakes up as a frog.)

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Pompeii 24

Sakura’s arms ached as she lifted the ragged book between her hands, brushing fingers over the stained cover. She hadn’t a chance to read any of it in all of the excitement, but she knew this was the book Hiruzen specifically chose for her.

Sakura flipped it open, expectant.

There was nothing at all on the first page.

Sakura frowned slightly, rifling through the pages.

All were blank.

Sakura blinked down at the pristine pages, fresh and crisp in comparison to its exterior.

Was this a joke?

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hiiii, here are a bunch of fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of november. I recommend that you read these great fics in december, if you haven’t already!! there’s GREAT fics in here… some really seasonal stuff and even MY OWN FIC! please check them out!!

(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)


1. Loving with a Little Twist (29k)**

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know Niall! I just promised my mother I’m bringing my boyfriend - a boyfriend I don’t have - to Thanksgiving dinner. What should I do? I can’t call back and be like, ‘Oh yeah mom, that boyfriend I said that I have, I don’t actually have. Sorry to disappoint you.’ My life is ruined.” Harry returns to suffocating himself with the pillow.

Niall laughs and Harry growls at his best friend’s unwarranted happiness in this life-ending situation. Harry is fucked. Fuck. He needs a boyfriend. Fuck.

(a thanksgiving fake/pretend relationship au, written by me!!)

2. When the Stars Come Out (30k)*

Louis was about to reassure Harry further when Gemma bounded back over to him, slipping a hand around Louis’ waist. Harry’s eyes followed the movement. And then that lip gnaw again. Christ. How was he supposed to survive this weekend?

He turned his attention to Gemma as her palm came to rest right above his heart. Laying it on a bit thick, dear. Or at least that’s what he hoped he’d conveyed with the simple tilt of an eyebrow.

In response, she went up on tiptoes and laid a noisy kiss on the hollow beneath his cheekbone. Louis didn’t take his eyes off Harry, who watched the scene play out with a blank expression. Once Gemma dropped back to the ground, Harry shifted away from them, his gaze dropping to his feet.

[Or the one where Louis pretends to be Gemma’s boyfriend for her horrid cousin’s wedding but fate is a nasty jerk and throws Harry in his way.]

3. Both Showing Hearts (113k)**

Louis Tomlinson is, in fact, not straight.

Harry Styles isn’t sure what he is.

Together, they figure it out, and maybe fall in love along the way.

Or, the Uni AU where Louis helps Harry figure out his sexuality, Niall crashes a bachelorette party, Liam works in a printing centre, and Zayn happens to need lots of printing done.

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FIC REC’s of 2016 part 12 (november/december)

(Won’t You) Stay To The A.M. by lululawrence (15k) ONE SHOT

Harry tucked a few loose strands back up into the bun on top of his head and headed to the front of the building. He really would rather no one saw him behind the gym where he worked if possible so they wouldn’t have a chance to catch on that the address he gave for work was actually his friend Ed’s and the number belonged to his buddy Niall. Harry didn’t like the term homeless, because he was making at least some money now and he was actively looking for a better gig so he could actually afford at least a bed in this massive city, but that’s basically what he was. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, he knew that, sometimes shit just happened and this was how it turned out, but he also didn’t want to broadcast his situation if he didn’t have to either. Especially if Louis Tomlinson, Britain’s most talented young actor, was going to be frequenting Harry’s place of employment on a regular basis. HOMELESS/ACTOR HARRY - ACTOR LOUIS

Say You Want Me by orphan_account (37k) CHAPTERED

Louist95: @HarryStyles, I’m personally offended that you haven’t invited me to your concert in Leeds next week. Proper fan I am and all.

HarryStyles: @Louist95 Proper fan? I’m personally offended on behalf of all our fans everywhere that you’ve lumped yourself with them.

A Famous/Not-Famous AU featuring Liam, Zayn, and Harry as the members of Sonic Boom, an English band that unexpectedly sky rocketed to international fame, Niall as their biggest fan, and Louis as the exact opposite. Harry’s a closeted pop star and Louis is the uni student he keeps fighting with on Twitter. It’s all silly banter until it turns into something else. FAMOUS HARRY - UNI STUDENT LOUIS

MARRIED FOR A WEEK?! by gravitycentered (20k) ONE SHOT

Hi guys :) You might recognize Harry from one or two of my old videos .. I was tagged in the Married for a week challenge so I asked him to be my husband ! We had to live together for a week and take each other out on a couple romantic dates and that, check out the video to see how it went :) Give it a like if you enjoyed and maybe subscribe if you haven’t already. Love you all

- Louis x FAKE/PRETEND RELATIONSHIP, YOUTUBE AU

Show Me Wealth, I’ll Show Your Heart by harrystylesandstuff (30k) CHAPTERED

Harry knows the value of money. He knows how to negotiate numbers, knows its worth in engines, and knows the amount he needs to secure for his business. What he didn’t know was that, if spent wisely, money is the one thing he really doesn’t need.

Or AU where Harry has more money than he can handle, Louis can’t handle not having any, and they both find out the greatest wealth isn’t countable. RICH HARRY - HOMELESS LOUIS

Always Expanding by loutwix (38k) ONE SHOT 

Harry’s speechless. Apollo’s just revealed he has a thing for mortals, himself specifically, and it’s the most connected to his Greek mythology class that he’s ever felt. How does one react when gods reveal such a thing? Do they bow? Do they flirt back? Do they just drop to their knees in awe? He’s not sure, but he can only do his best with what he’s given, which is currently a wet, blushing, naked boy gripping his towel with all his might while poetically side-eyeing Harry’s next move.
or
(Gemma brings Louis home for Thanksgiving, and Hot Harry is the last thing he expected.) YOGA INSTRUCTOR HARRY - UNI STUDENT LOUIS

Burn To Ash by bethaboo (116k) CHAPTERED 

Harry is sitting there, so fucking casual, and Louis realizes in a split second he was not ready. When Harry walked out in Detroit and never looked back, he was a boy verging on a man, still only twenty years old, but there’s a man in his place now. Hard and resolute, yes, but still, for the first time in a long time, Louis can kind of see the old Harry in him. The soft, directness of his gaze, the hesitant smile he gives to Lou, the way he wrings his ridiculously large hands in his lap.

He’s a little bit the eager sixteen year old puppy dog again, his innocence and sweetness resurrected miraculously, and Louis freezes in place. He was prepared to face the asshole Harry. He was prepared to meet a whole new Harry.

Louis is not prepared to meet one of the old incarnations of Harry, and it absolutely tears him up.

Or the fic where Harry spirals out of control, the band breaks up, and then he shows back up, five years later. CANON COMPLIANT 

The Impossible Now by stylinsoncity (49k) CHAPTERED 

A wish on Christmas Eve sends Louis to an alternate dimension where Harry is a member of One Direction. DIMENSION TRAVEL 

Kiss Me On The Mouth (And Set Me Free) by tempolarriefics (47k) ONE SHOT

Harry, being his endlessly patient self, asks with a wry smile, “And who am I going to spontaneously marry for financial aid?”

He clearly intends for it to be a rhetorical question, for it to shoot down Louis’ ridiculous marriage idea. But Louis answers easily, “Me. You’ll marry me.“

aka the not-so fake marriage AU in which Harry and Louis get married to keep Harry from dropping out of uni (and if they discover that they’re in love along the way, well, that’s neither here nor there). FAKE/PRETEND RELATIONSHIP

anonymous asked:

For the pride month questionare, 16?

16. “any tips on coming out?”

Well, the main one is being comfortable with it. There is nothing rushing anyone to come out before they are ready. Coming out shouldn’t be an issue bit the reality is it is to some people. I don’t want to sugar coat it, because coming out is liberating and freeing but its more than just being ok with yourself, its also being ok with the way the world perceives you. 
I come from a background where my culture and the way I look, I grew up being very wry of who I am and how I am seen. So coming out to me took a bit longer because I wanted to be certain I was going to be ready to take on all the negativity that may or may not come my way. It was beyond understanding my sexuality and my identity, it was realizing that this is so important to me I have to be ok with whatever comes next. 

Once you get passed that point, coming out is just a matter who want to tell first, you are you most comfortable with. It’s going to be a little nerve wrecking, I’d start with anyone close who is already LGBT+ if possible and baby step it, or if you’re ready to just bust out, just say it. I do recommend, saying it over dinner or something where the person is fairly focused on the conversation and start with the most important people. 

More often than not the most important people are the ones who are going to understand first. 

Most important tip, no matter how it goes you never did anything wrong. Coming out should never feel like a nervous thing unfortunately its more than just nerves for some people and unfortunately not everyone has a great experience. My best tip for coming out is chin up and be proud, where you may lose people who gain an entire community who will love you. 

Ask me about Pride

Wrys the meme who made it into heroes
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So FE1 had Wrys(Riff in Japan), an elderly bald Curate(priest) who was recruited from a village in the first map.

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Wrys introduction was “I am Wrys, a humble priest. I cannot fight, but this staff I carry can heal your wounded. Take me with you, and you’ll be very glad you did.”  or something like ”I’m Riff, I cannot fight, but I heal wounded with my staff" in Japan.

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Wrys introduction quote become a meme in the Japanese fanbase. Other points of memorability was also enemy priests used the same sprite as him, cueing jokes of Wry’s evil clones.

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Also like all Priests/Clerics in the first game, Wrys didn’t gain any exp from using staves, instead only gaining Experience from getting or dodging hits, more then regular units. This was annoying but also very exploitable to gain levels quick. 

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However like all Priets/Clerics in the game, Wrys growth were also bad. Just like the others, he had a 0% chance to grow attack(magic here), skill or defense, only a 20% chance to gain speed or HP.

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In Mystery of the Emblem’s remake portion of the first game, male Priests(but not Bishops) are cut. The village in the remake portion of Mystery, that originally gave Wrys, instead only gave a vulnenary, leading to the fandom joke that it replaced him as well as mourning of the character!

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Wrys was restored in the DS remakes. The announcement of the reclasss for Shadow Dragon’s remake featured Wrys as an example only increasing his meme status about an elderly robed man like Wrys becoming a Myrmidon.

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Though his meme status also came out a price. Unlike the other priests/clerics and most other returning characters, Wrys was the only one to keep his horrible stat growths from the NES version.

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Wrys was further used for humor in the DS remake of Mystery of the Emblem which added him where a character was disappointed about getting an old male healer instead of a cute female one. He also gave the option to the Avatar(exclusive to the Mystery remake) to shave their head like him. He also got a staff named after him.

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Wrys little characterization pointed to him as a friendly, if  slightly flightly, old man who dislikes violence and has a large soft spot for the innocent and vulnerable, such as children, opening a monastery for orphans in his ending. It was clear the fandom valued the character more then the developers.

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Wrys got several cards in the TCG. One of the rarer cards being Berserker Wrys, a class he can get in the second remake once the male class sets are merged, again spoofing the recalls. His quote says “I can’t heal, but I can bury my enemies with my axe.” Wrys illustration also has him angrily crushing a vulnerary in his hands, indicating being replace by it in FE3 drove him over the edge.

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A Codename Steam, Marth has a healing ability named Wry’s catchphrase which uses A NES screenshot of Wrys recruitment and portrait as a background.

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Wrys appeared in Heroes due to his fandom meme status and many votes in the event more then any plot importance. Its clear the developers never thought of him as memorable until recently. Unlike past appearances, Wrys in Heroes is a a consistently useful unit with staying power. He’s an interesting example of how meme status can both  negatively and positively affect a character!

—————————————————————————————————-

Huh, this is really interesting! I never knew that Wrys was a meme before Heroes. I just thought he became a meme for Heroes. I think of all the memes mentioned, my favorites was the idea of Wrys becoming a Myrmidon (samurai grandpa) and the Berserker Wrys card. I’m glad that the fandom pulled through for him and give him some time in the sun in Heroes were he finally gets a bit of a buff and better stats. I also have a personal connection with Wrys that makes me like the character even though I’ve never planned the game. When Heroes first came out, my friend really wanted Niles but she kept drawing Wrys. However, she didn’t know how to merge units so she just had all these bald old men running around her castle lol.

archiveofourown.org
kiss me on the mouth (and set me free) - tempolarriefics - One Direction (Band) [Archive of Our Own]
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

found this fic via my internet friend. ITS SO GOOD OMFGGGG THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME and then when i made my sister read it, she rained on my parade by telling me it was too perfect and a cliche. which it kind of is,, but is nevertheless beautiful, read if you need that larry wedding feels.

oneshot, 47524 words, mostly fluff but mild angst, blink-and-you-miss-it smut,  fake/pretend relationships, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, slight zigi

Summary:

“Harry, being his endlessly patient self, asks with a wry smile, “And who am I going to spontaneously marry for financial aid?”

He clearly intends for it to be a rhetorical question, for it to shoot down Louis’ ridiculous marriage idea. But Louis answers easily, “Me. You’ll marry me.“

aka the not-so fake marriage AU in which Harry and Louis get married to keep Harry from dropping out of uni (and if they discover that they’re in love along the way, well, that’s neither here nor there).”

Without you - Katakura Kojuro (Angst)

Tagging: @saesha, @susucakes, @prfxn, @kitty-kat-ty

A/N: Since I’ve been making Yakov suffer so much, I wrote this for a change. I mean, I have a ton of things about Yakov, so it was time for writing another character. I will apologize now because I know you will hate me. Just like I hate myself for writing this. I’m sorry. I’m a masochist. Let’s all suffer together lol.

Yet, Kojuro never let her go, clinging to her desperately, to bring her back somehow. But they all knew it was impossible, as Lord Masamune and Shigezane only looked at their friend clinging to her death body, whispering sweet things in a useless attempt to keep her presence with them.


Without you

“Lord Kojuro, I’ve brought your dinner”

She stepped inside, a loving smile on her lips as she put down the tray in her hands. Then, she saw the state of the room and she felt her blood boiling in her veins. Kojuro didn’t dare to look up, knowing the scold that would surely come, and so he decided it was better to play innocent this time. Books scattered everywhere, bottles of ink completely empty, and papers used to try new brushes were only a small part of the mess that his room had become this time.

“Didn’t we clean this place just last week?”, she asked, putting her hands on her hips as a frown appeared on her face.

“Uhm… Well, yes”, he smiled boyishly, laughing off the matter. She raised her eyebrow.

Giving him one last scolding look, she started picking up stuff to throw it out. Sometimes, when she heard the maids talking about how efficient, diligent, and mature he was, she wished she could show them the state of his room. But no, at the same time, she was glad she was the only one he let see that side of himself. That meant he had nothing to hide from her, and he loved that.

Noticing that the apparent rage had already vanished from her, Kojuro stood up and got closer, wrapping his arms around her waist, pressing her tiny body against him in a tight embrace. She gasped, not expecting him to be so close, but she relaxed immediately. He laughed, delighted with her reaction, as he nuzzled against her neck.

“Don’t even try it”, she threatened. “You’ll help me clean this place again, so don’t get distracted”

“Oh, so I’m distracting you?”, he smirked, pressing her more against him.

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Spoilt For Choice: Oswald x Reader x Victor, Part 1

Requested by @gothams-darkest-desires like ages ago. Sorry it took so long! The reader works for Oswald and has a crush on Victor, but things become a little more complicated than that. This will have another part soon!

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for phandom big bang 2015

Title: they’re teaching me to kill, who’s teaching me to love?
Artist: doodlesinwonderland
Beta: blossomphan
Word count: 23,726
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: homophobia, war, death mentions
Summary: In the midst of the Second World War, Dan is heading an operation that records and transcribes conversations between high-ranking German POWs residing in a country house bugged with listening devices. Phil comes in as an army general that the other generals shun and Dan’s curious as to why. Forming a substantial relationship, however, is difficult when you’re lying about your identity, you’re the enemy and your sexuality is illegal.  
Author’s Notes: this is the longest oneshot i’ve ever written (aside from a very bad fic i wrote aged twelve yikes) and it’s slightly terrifying but mostly very exhilarating to be able to share it with you all now. i could not have done any of this without my immeasurably wonderful beta and the creator of the beautiful banner aqua who put up with so much and was honestly the best beta i could ever have asked for and has ended up becoming one of my closest friends so really pbb has been good for many reasons thanks aqua i love u loads

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anonymous asked:

Izaya's s/o trying to convince him to take rehabilitation counseling after being put in a wheelchair.

First of all, how dare you!? Secondly, why would you do this to Kao-san…?!?!

….Kao-san needs a moment, hold on.

AaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…..!

Okay, Kao is ready to write now.


It was weird, seeing him like this. Though he still maintained a very arrogant and confident air to him, they could see the hairline cracks on his mask slowly breaking away until they could see what he was really feeling.

It was weird to finally catch a glimpse of Izaya’s true emotions. Though many people claim that he deserved it, that in the grand scheme of things this was a just punishment for him, they couldn’t help but feel an ache clawing at their heart each time Izaya gave them a reassuring smile as if trying to convince them that he was perfectly fine despite what other’s may think.

There were time that his s/o felt like those smiles were meant to reassure himself rather anyone else, the faint reminder of how high and powerful he used to be until it all came crumbling down underneath him.

He’s still as stubborn as a mule though and though it got frustrating at times his s/o was thankful for that. He’d try to weasel his way out of any serious conversation regarding his condition, even resorted to his usual convoluted ways of twisting words, twisting and twisting and twisting until it became a chore to talk to him about it, until his s/o gave up for the day like he knew they would.

“You really need it,” his s/o said bluntly, not taking in his bullshit anymore. He needed to walk again, he needed to be strong.

They needed him to be that cocky asshole with an ego bigger than the face of the earth, needed him to be strong once more because it was getting harder and harder for them to be strong for his sake. They couldn’t bare seeing him like this, not when they knew he had so much potential to be who he used to be and more.

“I’m fully capable as I am,” Izaya muttered softly, a wry but somewhat melancholic smile splayed across his face. “This is nothing more than a minor setback. Hey, I could even use this to my advantage, ne?”

The pity card; he’s always used that card before to earn the trust of too naive girls with hearts made of gold that they couldn’t help but throw themselves at him to make him feel better, needed, competent. But he’s always used that card as Nakura, as Kanra, as all the other personas he’s made for himself.

But never as Orihara Izaya.

“Izaya….”

“Circles!” He cheers out happily, but there was an underlying tone of disdain and resentment. “Aren’t you tired of this? The same conversation over and over and over! Will you give up yet or not? Your tenacity is admirable as always.”

They averted their gaze, frustration building up within them again, mixing with all the bitter emotions of anger and disappointment and regret into some gross cocktail of negativity. And without a word they walk out of the room, stomping all the while in a child-like temper tantrum.

Izaya is left in silence and his head is filled with thoughts of what-if’s and what-could-have-been’s.

He sighs.

Sometimes he wishes his thoughts could just shut the fuck up.







((Kao-san has a headcanon that Izaya is already probably taking physical therapy all on his own without telling anyone as a trump card. It’s good for alibis too, probably.

Also, Kao hopes you meant physical therapy instead of… Well, psychological therapy…………

P.S. Don’t tell Kao-san any spoilers about the Izaya centric novel! He wants to read it all in one go and be surprised all the while)).