am i the only one who thinks she looks incredibly perfect in this video

How each Overwatch character texts

Genji- laughs aloud at your response but leaves you on read if he has nothing to add. Doesn’t see an issue with this.

McCree- “I’m ur huckleberry 😘🤠 lol. Sent from my iPhone”

Pharah- Promptly and with perfect grammar. When she is sarcastic, people worry she is being serious and that they’ve angered her.

Reaper- if you had plans at 6:00 and you’re one minute late, instead of waiting a few minutes or texting you “ETA?” he just sends an angry selfie with the place you’re supposed to meet in the background and the Snapchat overlay reading “6:01” over it

Soldier: 76- still somehow has a phone plan where texts cost 15 cents apiece. Left you a voicemail that you definitely didn’t listen to. Gets mad when nobody listens to his voicemails. When someone suggests he get a phone plan with unlimited texting, he goes on a rant about how he doesn’t need it and people should just check their voicemails more often

Sombra: screenshots every conversation just in case. Half of her messages are screenshots of other messages. Nobody can reach her unless she wants to be reached because all of her messages always come from a different number.

Tracer- often sends one-word texts that require the recipient to call her for clarification. For example: “Beatles?? 😰”

Bastion- texts exclusively in emoji

Hanzo- similar to Genji but he just sends back “lol” as an acknowledgement that he has received and read the text, regardless of the appropriate tone.

Junkrat- phone is broken, has no one to text. If someone needs to contact him they do it through Roadhog.

Widowmaker- lurks in the Talon group text. Responds only when she has something to say. If she’s got a problem with you she’ll send you a vague but menacing “we need to talk” message and then switch off her phone for 14 hours so that by the time she follows up you’ve had several panic attacks and are willing to do whatever she says to avoid being in trouble. Do not be friends with Widowmaker.

Mei- double texts but is anxious about double texting. If you send her something that made you think of her she’ll respond along the lines of “awh!! cute!! 😊 thank you so much for sharing this!!”

Torbjörn- his last 30 texts are a back and forth with his wife. “On my way home. Do we need anything from the store?” “Nope.”

D.Va- sometimes gets distracted and forgets to text people back, but when she is texting, she hits “send” about 14 times before she finishes a complete thought. A series of texts from D.Va might start out “Okay” “So” “I’ve got to tell you” “did I mention what my dad said today?”

Orisa- you know that one person in the group chat who’s younger than everyone else? That’s Orisa

Reinhardt- all caps all the time. He will send you a meme followed by “HAHAHAHAHA” and then sign it “REINHARDT WILHELM”

Roadhog- sends menacing and unclear texts like “meet me in front of target in 30 minutes. we will leave without you.” which doesn’t really tell you whether he’s threatening to leave without you if you’re late or informing you that he will not be giving you a ride home from target and you should arrange your own transportation.

Winston- sends you links to 9-minute videos on YouTube

Zarya- sends context-free nonsense like “hey everyone settle a debate which finger would you choose to lose if you had to choose one finger?” and if people ask her “what the hell” she responds “))))”

Ana- sends Fareeha a cartoon where the little cartoon lady is rolling her eyes and saying “don’t even LOOK at me until I’ve had my morning coffee!!” and captions it “made me think of you!! xxx your mother Ana Amari”

Lucio- this is who D.Va was texting with earlier, and he’s very responsive to everyone’s stories. He also owns that Jackbox party game and regularly invites everyone to play. It’s always fun. A group chat with Lucio is always very active.

Mercy- incredibly passive aggressive. Refuses to engage in a text conversation unless the other person initiated it and therefore never really texts.

Symmetra- prefers texting to talking. Never makes a typo. Will respond to a text with “K.” and doesn’t always realize this comes across as “I am upset with you,” which was not her intent.

Zenyatta- this is the guy you text for advice or to vent. He’s 100% in your corner, he never takes the stranger’s side, and if you start out “ugh you’re not gonna believe what happened,” he’ll respond “👀”

anonymous asked:

Holy shit I love your analysis' of Jimin and Namjoon!! Would you mind doing one for Jungkook as well? I know a lot of people were confused as to why Namjoon put him in Ravenclaw over Gryffindor/Slytherin.

Hello~

It’s really weird for me that you guys actually care about and value my opinions  on this whole business so thank you so much for giving my ramblings the time of day omg

for those who are wondering about my thoughts on gryffindor!namjoon and slytherin!jimin here’s the links to those:

Namjoon as a Gryffindor || Jimin as a Slytherin


So like, I really. really. really. love the idea of Ravenclaw Jeon. (But listen… I used to be a hardcore Slytherin!Jeon person okay, so I understand your feels on this. I do.) 

 here goes nothing

Ravenclaw Jungkook confused a lot of people. And I really get it because Ravenclaw was so fucking shafted in the books. 

We had so many Gryffindors and Slytherins to relate to, and we had a fair share of badass Hufflepuffs (TONKS) to base our opinions off of. But there were only a few Ravenclaws that were given the time of day in the books, and only one of those was a major character. We had Luna, Trelawney, Lockehart, and Cho. Cho’s amazing character was wasted by JK – she was written with the personality of a dish rag and didn’t really get the spotlight she deserved. Trelawney was presented as a crazy old lady who sometimes ?? served a purpose. Lockehart was an idiot. All we really had was Luna.

But it wasn’t just the characters. Ravenclaw has a really weird reputation. Before I wrote this, I asked a bunch of my casual and hardcore HP fan friends to tell me the characteristics they associated with each house. And I got pretty much what I expected:

  • Gryffindor: Leaders, brave, courageous, brash, strong
  • Slytherin: Cunning, resourceful, calculating, perfectionists
  • Hufflepuff: Loyal, kind, hard-working, determination, cheerful
  • Ravenclaw: Smart…?? they are… smart people?? They do things…….smartly……

Like for real. Whenever I asked people what traits they associated with Ravenclaw, all anyone was ever able to tell me was that Ravenclaws were supposedly smart. And that’s got a lot to do with the fact that when the sorting hat sings off about all the houses, it lists all these great traits for the other houses, but when it comes to Ravenclaw it says this:

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,
If you’ve a ready mind,
Where those of wit and learning,
Will always find their kind.

And then the books go on to say that Ravenclaws are,

characterised by their wit, intelligence, and wisdom.

So maybe you’re like me, and I am REALLY guilty of this, but when I first read this in the books I kinda just thought these all meant the same thing. So maybe that’s where we got this idea that all Ravenclaws are good for are being smart.

But it wasn’t until I looked up the actual definition of each word that I realized these were all saying really different things:

Intelligence - the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.
Wit - a natural aptitude for using words and ideas in a quick and inventive way to create humor.
Wisdom - the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.

^^^^this is just webster dictionary definitions here. The bolded words are the ones I want to focus on.

Skill. See – Ravenclaws are supposedly smart. But this doesn’t always have to mean BOOKSMART, and I think that’s where we had a lot of trouble with Jeon. No one is saying he is dumb or anything, but he’s no Namjoon.

Notable examples of this trait include Lockehart, who was pretty shitty at a lot of things, but had the street smarts enough to pass off his big whole scam for years and years, and was especially gifted in certain charms.

Then there’s Luna, who while shown to be really good at solving riddles, was also portrayed as really physically skilled. In Dumbledore’s Army, while being taught how to conjure a Patronus by Harry, Luna was the first to get it right. She was fourteen at the time, and was such a skilled witch that she was able to perform an incredibly difficult charm - that even adults had trouble with - after like…….mere minutes of teaching.

Does this sound like someone you know?? I’ll give you an example: Observe this VERY determined Hufflepuff not give up on his dreams and finally have all his hard work pay off… only for someone to come in and get it right almost instantly.

Or maybe… “Hey guys, this dance move you made up looks pretty cool – mind if I watch you do it like once and a half and then nail it instantly?”

And if you’re ever in doubt about just how skilled Jungkook is… remember that he turned down seven other agencies to join BigHit. That’s how many people were after him and recognized his talent. (This also ties in to my thoughts on the part about good judgement – Jungkook obviously saw a lot of potential in Namjoon and BigHit in general, so much so that he turned down tons of other companies to be there. He saw something a lot of other people did not… and it ended up being the best decision he ever made.)

But I think another really telling aspect of Jungkook’s Ravenclaw personality is that he isn’t always perfect at everything. He’s not always good at something right away – but that won’t stop him working really hard to get good

In Rookie King he was shown to be at the most pretty average at bowling. He wasn’t terrible, but he was about as good as you and I would be after playing a few rounds with a little luck. Well, Golden Maknae Jungkook could not stand to not be the best at something, so he mentions sometime later (13:10) that he’s hired a coach to teach him how to bowl…. and then just a few months later uploads a video of himself getting a strike like it’s no god damn big deal at all. And he looks pretty proud of himself too.

But all the major Ravenclaws were also shown time and time and time again as being a little…. scatterbrained. Luna, Lockehart, and Trelawney especially, and to an extent even Cho. And Jungkook is no exception. He’s… pretty gullible. And DEFINITELY scatterbrained.

But wit, intelligence, and wisdom are not the only three traits associated with Ravenclaw. There are a lot of other traits you may not really know about, because again – Ravenclaws were woefully under-represented in the series. There’s quite a few others listed for this house:

  • Creative
  • Individuality
  • Eccentric
  • Quirky
  • Jealousy/Envy
  • Competitive

So imma just go down the list because I’m really tired and I can’t made good word things rn

Creative

it’s no secret that Jungkook is a pretty talented artist. He’s a pretty damn good photographer too. (This will always be one of my favorite photos ever of Jimin – and Jungkook took it.) And he’s a talented lyricist as well. He’s an extremely good dancer and has a beautiful voice too – but you guys know this already.

Individuality

Take a look at how he expresses his individuality through his song covers.

Eccentric & Quirky

You guys thought the fact that Lockehart, Trelawney, and even heckin Luna were all in the same house was a coincidence? Ravenclaws are NOTORIOUS for being Extra™ . I’m not kidding! This is literally a personality trait of Ravenclaws that we overlook so often from these weirdos. And Jeon fuckin Jungkook invented the word eccentric:


you’d be here forever if i kept going so… you get the point. eccentric is jungkook’s middle name.

Jealousy/Envy

Jeonlous exists in this god forsaken fandom, and I ain’t gonna link it and open THAT can of worms, but if you’re feeling so inclined and care to enter the seventh circle of hell, feel free to look it up… but tread carefully.

Competitive

When I got the first ask about Ravenclaw Kook I had woken up at 3am and sleepily looked at my emails. I saw the ask and immediately had to jot down my ideas to keep for the next day, and all I managed to write in my sleep stupor was this

and then i promptly fell back asleep.

I was referring to this, and if you don’t feel bad for poor Jin in this situation I don’t know what to tell you. Jungkook is intensely competitive, even over small things like board games. He was so intent on winning that game that he literally assaulted someone five years his senior to sabotage them.

And then this is him trying to win a dance-off… doing the most, as usual.

And also?? He was literally banned from the gym because he was getting too buff. And look at him take out that guy in wrestling… and then demolish poor Jimin, the smallest member of BTS in arm wrestling when he could have… you know… let him win or something……

It’s a pretty well known meme within the fandom that Jungkook is competitive and always trying to outdo the others.



But when it comes down to it, Ravenclaws are still known for being smart, right? We can take all these other traits and apply them to Jeon but what about his brain?

He’s actually kinda smart. He is able to cover a song in perfect English even though he doesn’t speak the language all that well (but well enough to constantly correct others’ English and he’s good enough to tell you he’s really not all that interested in participating in English Time anyways)

And I mean…. he can outsmart the other members pretty well…………..


But I think one of the most important things to note about Jungkook being in Ravenclaw is to look at who sorted him, Namjoon: Namjoon himself gave Jungkook the nickname “Golden Maknae”. He is constantly saying that Jungkook can do anything, or watch this Jungkook can do this, or wow look at him go, or he’s so talented this and that. Is it really any surprise that Namjoon would put Jungkook in to a house known for being highly skilled when he believes no less of the kid?

Jungkook has some pretty Slytherin-like qualities – but tons of canon HP characters and the BTS members themselves have traits that are shared by all four houses. It’s just a matter of where he fits best.

I mean TL;DR, Jeon says it best himself:

gif credit: bwiskook

on the may 15th fansign, mental health, darkness, and hope

on May 15, 2015, during 화양연화 Pt. 1 I went to BTS’ fansign at Sinchon and had a conversation with Namjoon that I, at the time, chose not to reveal for personal reasons. at that time, because of that decision, there were a lot of people who criticized me—people accused me of saying something mean to him, accused me of hiding some secret relationship between us, called me a slut, etc. I didn’t say anything about it at the time because it seemed pointless, but now that 화양연화 has come to an end for real, and following the release of YOU NEVER WALK ALONE—plus, the upcoming 2 year anniversary of this extremely fateful conversation (lol)—I have decided to write about it, if only to explain a little of why I feel such a connection to the concept and so people will understand why I kept it private for so long.

I just want to go ahead and give people some warning: it’s not only a post about BTS. it’s a post about my life, and it contains a lot of sensitive material, like self-harm, suicidal ideation, and drug use. please bear that in mind if you decide to read it, I don’t want anyone to be upset by that content.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

WAIT WHAT YOUTUBE AU I AM SO ON BOARD WITH A YOUTUBE AU

ok ok ok so i dug through my ask box i’m sorry i’ll answer stuff eventually to find this because!!!!! 

since i was thinking no powers for this au i haven’t figured out everything but i have figured out adrien’s music channel in great detail. faaaaaar too much detail

this got like so so so long so under the cut we go!!!!

  • ok so when he’s like eleven he finds an old video camera lying around his house
  • he kind of wants to test it out but feels super awkward talking in front of the camera (getting photographed is one thing, vlogging is another) so instead he records himself practicing a piano piece
  • but since he doesn’t have a tripod, he just sets the camera on the side of the piano and records his hands
  • he records a few of these and then decides he should put them somewhere so he can track his progress
    • aka look back and cringe
  • he uploads them to youtube with nothing but the piece name in the description
  • the channel name is probably some super cheesy music pun
  • anyway he does this for a while and he gains some traction, mostly because a lot of the pieces he practices are pretty famous
  • by thirteen (when he’s actually allowed to have a youtube) he’s got a small but decent following but doesn’t think much of it
  • when he’s fourteen, he posts his first original piece
    • he doesn’t think it’s very good, but if this is a channel tracking his progress it needs to be up
    • people love it and it catches him a bit off guard 
  • not long later, he posts a piano cover of a popular song
    • he doesn’t think he’s much of a singer, especially not when it comes to english, but he does his best
    • this is the video that really blows up 
      • he still doesn’t understand why
  • now that he’s got a steadily growing audience, people start to want to see his face

Keep reading

Temporary Home

by asteroidphil | No warnings other than fluff and feels | Dan/Phil | 2.2k | complete

Summary: It’s time for Dan and Phil to move on from their current flat, but finding a new home is easier said than done, especially when they know that it’s not going to be their forever home.

AN: It’s 03:30 there are probably some errors, i’ll read over it again and correct them (ill remove this once i have) 

Also on AO3

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

archaeology au???? i'm currently writing a shallura fantasy au in which shiro meets allura because he's an arch nerd so I'm listening

oh boy oh boy oK LISTEN

(ok sorry i’m adding a readmore. this got long. beware y’all this is ENTIRELY self-indulgent, like, 100%, and i don’t expect anyone else to enjoy it.)

Keep reading

From the other side

Originally posted by jimiyoong

Request: Can I get a namjoon scenario where you’re an American music artist on a show kind of like jimmy fallon, and the host asks you who your celebrity crush is and you say it’s namjoon. The people are like “who dat” and then the reader explains (maybe gets asked to dance to a song and they do so?). Then somehow the boys see it and show it to nams ^~^ sorry if this was too much

Word count: 2.2k

A/N: I had a great help from @sunwasrising when adding the last bit, hope it’s okay! I didn’t know if you wanted a fake text, or a short story. So, I did this lol, and if you had a stage name? I have NOT edited or corrected the story, because I am a little busy and I’m hoping, there aren’t too many errors.

Y/S/N = Your stage name

Rock-records = Music company (I maybe, have watched big time rush)


“Welcome to Y/S/N!!” A female confidential voice, were searching your name. As the big blue boarders revealed your dressed-up frame, giving the audience your latest song. The crowd cheering and clapping at your entrance, as the speakers boomed with your angelic voice. After a few minutes of performing, a short-haired blonde approached you with open arms as her smile were pulling your lip muscles.

“Welcome to the Ellen show! Thank you for coming!” She spoke, guiding you to the white chair. Her contagious smile, made your cheeks hurt.

Keep reading

Acting with Feelings.

Here we go! I got a request sent in and I thought I’d give it a go!!! WOOOO here’s for my first imagine EVER!

Request (by anon):I want to request a Harrison fic! One where the reader is like an actor too and they’re on the same tv show and just fluff on set?! (I took a little creative liberty and did what I did haha it’s open for a part 2 or a continuation if people want it.) 

Warnings: none.

Word count:1346

You sighed as you sat in your dressing room, your makeup artist and hair stylist having just left. Today you began filming season 4 of your latest TV series, it loomed upon you that this was the last season and your character was finally going to meet her soulmate before she died and apparently you were meeting your counterpart, Harrison Osterfield, in a few minutes when you got called on set. 

Keep reading

Jumin - Valentine’s Day Special

  After you chose the rich and serious member, as if affected by a spell, you felt tired. Your body was heavy and your eyelids were closing instinctively. Just as if you hadn’t slept for days. You gave up quickly, without reading the messages.

 Some hours later, you woke up feeling a lot better. Unlikely before, your body seemed extremely light. However, you weren’t expecting that. You woke up in an incredible room, the bed was extremely comfortable and everything seemed perfect.

  You were worried, but that was a nice place. There were a letter and a note near the bed, you took them and looked for your phone. Most of your contacts and photos were lost, but you had a new message from… Jumin?!

I left a note for you near the bed. Don’t forget to see it.”

  That was strange. How could the game know about the note? Since you were a little scared, you decided to read the letter first.

Keep reading

Proposal

Lin Manuel Miranda x Reader
Words: 1040
Request:
anon: Can I have a fc where the reader and lin are high school sweethearts and she’s a cast member and he proposes to her after a show? Preferably the reader plays Angelica but if you want to make it gender neutral that’s okay too! where Lin
anon: Fic where Lin and Reader are high school sweethearts and the Reader stars in hamilton as angelica/Laurens and after a performance Lin proposes to them? Thanks!!

GUESS WHO’S BACK! If you didn’t guess me i’d be slightly concerned.

all i have to say is that i love Mandy Gonzalez, Anthony Ramos and requests are open as usual! 

i thought i’d post this because it’s Lin’s birthday so this is my gift to you all. I’d hope he didn’t see this because that’d be slightly weird for him but that’s okay.

anyway, much love to all of you! xx

Masterlist


~

You and Lin had been together for a long time, and by now you could almost always figure out what he was feeling just from a single glance. Today, you could tell he was feeling nervous and you couldn’t figure it out.

“You feeling alright honey?” You asked as the two of you walked into the Richard Rodgers.

“Y-Yeah, of course! Why wouldn’t I be feeling alright?” Lin replied, glancing down at the floor.

“You just seem nervous, that’s all. Is someone important coming and you forgot to mention it? You need to stop doing that, you know,” You stated, sighing.

“No, I promised last time that I would never do that again and so far I have kept my promise! Just, trust me. I’m perfectly fine. Go get changed,” Lin said, pushing you towards your dressing room. You pouted, sticking your head out the door and watching him disappear down the hallway.

Pippa ran into your room with Daveed behind her, shutting the door quickly. “Are you excited?” Pippa asked, smiling.

“Excited for the show? Of course. I am every night,” You replied, sitting down at the table and looking at the door. “Have you guys seen hair and makeup?”

“We sent them to Jasmine. We wanted to talk to you in private,” Daveed replied, sitting down next to you. “Tonight’s going to be extra exciting, let me tell you that.”

“Okay seriously, did Lin invite someone and forget to tell us again? What am I missing here?” You asked, groaning and turning away from the mirror to look at your two friends.

“Lin’s proposing,” Pippa blurted out. Your eyes widened.

“W-What? No way!” You exclaimed, a smile spreading over your face. Daveed slapped Pippa gently.

“We weren’t supposed to tell her! Now you’ve ruined the surprise… damn. I don’t know what we can do now. Promise you’ll still look surprised at bows?” Daveed asked, taking your hands.

You nodded quickly. “You have my word. Now, you two should be off getting ready,” You stated.

“That’s true. See you onstage, (Y/N)!” Pippa said, dragging Daveed out of your dressing room.

For the rest of the show, you were restless. You felt yourself getting more and more anxious. You had been with Lin for such a long time… did you really want to spend the rest of your life with him? He made you happy, that was for sure.

Once the show finished, you all stepped onto the stage and took your final bow. As the applause died down, Lin turned to you and took both of your hands. “Promise you won’t laugh at what I’m about to do… okay?” He whispered, looking down at your hands shyly. You lifted his chin, smiling and kissing him gently.

“I promise,” You replied quietly.

Lin took a deep breath, lowering himself down on one knee. Pippa let out an involuntary squeal, blushing when everyone turned to look at her. She giggled, covering her mouth.

You turned your attention back to Lin, the incredible man who was kneeling in front of you with your hands in his. You could feel the shakiness of his hands in yours, so you squeezed them. It was just enough, and the shakiness decreased.

Lin hesitated as he took another deep breath, finally his mouth opened and he let sweet poetry flow from his soft lips.

“(Y/N), I have known you since I was a tiny teen that was making videos for the internet. Before I had any of this, there was you. And it has always been you, let me promise that. From the moment I saw you in home room, my eyes never left the back of your head. I was always fascinated with the way you learnt. You would become so interested in whatever we were taught, your focus never left the teacher. It was incredible to watch, honestly…”

“I remember it took me exactly three months to gain the courage to ask you out. And in those three months, I tried twelve times before I could finally let the words slip out of my mouth. And even when I could finally talk to you without stuttering, I still ended up screwing it up. I’m not sure why you’re still with me honestly. I mean, I spend the majority of my time writing, and whenever I’m not writing I’m sleeping… but I digress.”

“I’ve already spent so much of my life with you, and I want to continue that. I want to grow old with you. I want to look into your eyes when we both have grey hair as we watch our grandchildren play. I want to hold your hand as we look out at the generation we helped create, at the family we built, and tell you how much I love you. Because I love you, and only you. I should probably wrap it up now because I’m sure these lovely people have other events to attend so I’ll finish this with one simple question: will you marry me?”

You took your hand from Lin’s, wiping the tears from your eyes as he felt through his costume awkwardly. He facepalmed. “I seem to have left your ring in one of my other costumes… so of course you don’t have to give me an answer no-“

You knelt down and kissed Lin passionately, smiling wide. Applause came from the audience and your fellow cast members. Once you pulled away, you helped him to his feet and took his hand again.

“Yes. A thousand times yes.”

Once again, the audience erupted in applause.

“Everyone give it up for the future Mirandas!” Anthony yelled, flashing a cheesy grin in your direction. You all waved to the audience, heading off stage where you once again kissed Lin.

“I-I’m so sorry about the ring situation… I had everything planned, it was supposed to be perfect. I hope it hasn’t made you think too poorly of me.” You scoffed.

“Poorly? Lin, the whole speech was incredible. I think half of the theatre was in tears, not including me. Even Diggs shed a tear. I couldn’t have chosen a better person to spend my life with.”

A large smile spread over Lin’s face. “I feel the same.”

Eddie is going to be a GREAT dad! I know!

By Maria, age 8

Take it from me, Eddie is going to be a GREAT father to Iris Mary! I think I am one of his youngest fans (until Fantastic Beasts comes out anyway) and I have spent time with him twice! So let me tell you about how sweet and kind and funny he is.

I fell in love with Eddie’s freckles and his singing in Les Mis and my grandma helped me learn about him. I learned how smart he was and a good student, how he was an artist even though he is color blind, and I watched videos that showed how funny he is and very serious about his work. I saw his Marilyn movie and loved that. When we found out he was going to play Stephen Hawking I learned everything I could about Prof Hawking too and he became my biggest hero.

My grandma saved up so we could go to New York and see Theory of Everything early and Eddie and Felicity were going to be there. In case I met  them I did a drawing of him and Felicity as Stephen and Jane that I could give him because I am interested in art like him. My grandma said not to count on it but maybe we would find someone who could give it to Eddie, and I was very lucky because I was going to hear him speak in person!!Then she found out he was going to be at an Apple store in New York so she saved us a place. Our plane was late and we got there late, but I walked in the store and could hear his voice!! We went upstairs to where he was speaking and it was full but people were nice and let me get a better look. At the end he was answering questions and I started raising my hand even though I was very nervous. The adults around me were pointing at me so I would get picked which was very nice and I was the last person to ask a question. My voice was wobbly but I asked if I could give him something and he was surprised and said yes so I went up and gave him my picture. 

He got down to look at it and put his arm around me and said nice things including that it was ‘’genius art.’’ I couldn’t believe that!!!

I also wrote him a note on the back and told him that when I was leaving and he made a joke that everyone laughed at.

Right after that he rushed away and I couldn’t get a selfie that I wanted but everyone was very nice and wanted to know about my picture and note so I stayed around to talk.

Good thing I waited! One of the people from the Apple store came and got my grandmother and said Eddie wanted to meet the little girl who did the picture so he took us into a room where Eddie was. My grandma stood near but let me talk to him by myself. He asked my name and where I was from and couldn’t believe I came all the way from Texas and that I knew so much about him like him being color blind and going to Eton and Cambridge and being an artist himself and all the music from Les Mis. He wanted to know all about my picture and kept teasing me and laughing and he picked me up and whirled me around. I felt like Cosette in Les Mis!! He came to talk to Grammy about my picture and me and was surprised that I lived with her and thought she was nice to bring me. He asked if she wanted to take a picture of him and me but she said what Maria always really wanted was a selfie with you and gave him her iPhone. 

He took EIGHT selfies!!! He made silly faces and pointed at me. People kept telling him he had to leave and finally he did but he hugged me again and said thank you for your present and coming so far to see me. I felt like I had been in a dream! The next night we saw the movie and heard Felicity, who is very beautiful and funny, and him which was very special but nothing like my meeting. I couldn’t imagine I would be seeing him again!!!

I also never imagined I would get to meet Stephen Hawking who I call the smartest of the intelligent life in the universe. But Wired Magazine in England had a contest to ask him a question and my grandma said I should enter. The prize was to get to see Theory of Everything at a theater in London and Stephen was going to be there with Eddie to answer questions. Grammy and I had been reading the George books he writes for kids with Lucy his daughter. So I sent a question asking if he would like to see his books made into movies like Harry Potter and I also included a question asking Eddie if he would like to star as the genius father Eric. Well they picked my question!!! My Grammy and Grandpa and Dad all gave money to make sure Grammy and I could go to London.

The theater was in Piccadilly and we got there very early on a very very cold night so we wouldn’t miss anything. Only the people from the movie studio and Wired were there and they were very nice and we waited by ourselves. Pretty soon my grandma was looking and she said she saw some skinny legs and big feet coming down the stairs. I think Eddie’s coming she said. He was SO surprised to see me again and remembered me and asked what I was doing in London and I told him and he couldn’t believe it!!! I had brought a picture of him and me from New York and he signed it. 

I asked if he still had my art and he said I have it in my house. And the note too. He had to go talk to people and guess what? I talked to the editor of Wired and he said he would let me ask my own question if I asked it exactly the way it was written down because Prof Hawking had already put the answer in his voice machine. And then they took us to meet Prof Hawking and Lucy!!! 

She gave me a whole set of their books and she had autographed them and so did her dad! They put his thumb on a pad of ink and put his thumbprint down for his autograph. 

We got to hear his voice saying, Testing, testing, testing, and he looked at a picture of him and Lucy and I had drawn and we got pictures taken with them. Another time I felt like I was dreaming!! Before we left I stopped being nervous and hugged Prof Hawking and told him he inspires me. He makes me think anything is possible and I am good at math and science because of him.

We went into the theater and there were 300 people there, scientists and film people from Bafta. Finally I got to go up and ask my question in front of all of them and Prof Hawking and Eddie!!! I wasn’t even nervous. They both gave cool answers.

Then it was time to show the movie and they left. Bye Stephen and Lucy and Eddie. But then I looked up and Eddie came back and gave me a big hug and told me what a good job I did and how proud he was of me and how he hoped I had fun in his city of London. My grammy said good luck on your wedding because we knew he was getting married in a few days and he smiled.

So that is my Eddie stories. I know he is going to be a great dad. He is like a big silly kid full of fun. He also made me feel very proud of myself which is important. He makes me want to learn about people like Stephen Hawking and Lili Elbe and to be good in school and believe in myself. He is very special and thoughtful because he didn’t need to be so nice. I know you want to know that he is also WAY more handsome in person, can you imagine? He smells really good and looks perfect and his voice is like music!!!!! He is also very tall and not just because I am short. He is way taller than my uncle who is almost six feet tall.

Because of Eddie I am studying acting and singing and dancing and my teachers think I am good. He is my friend and maybe some day I will act with him! My dream is to be in one of the Fantastic Beasts movies because I have read it and also 3 of the Harry Potter books.

I love to see Eddie’s movies but I hope he doesn’t work too hard and that he is a good dad to Iris Mary. She is very lucky to have such a cool dad!!! And I will be available for baby sitting in not too long!!!

From “Grammy” 

I’ve shared with some of you that my granddaughter, Maria, and I were blessed twice to spend time with Eddie – and once with Stephen Hawking, through that connection. I’ve posted a couple photos and a bit of information in the past but was hesitant to put out too much on what were very tender, lovely, personal experiences. Lately, though, Maria has wanted to tell her story – especially because she wants people to know how kind Eddie was to her, a child, as he welcomes his first-born.

This blog (and accounts on Twitter and Instagram) were a direct result of her devotion to him, and they have grown because of the warmth and kindness I saw in him. (She takes an active role in helping select photos and giving ideas for postings.)  He reacted so sweetly to her gift to him in New York and gave her such personal attention. The people at the Apple store told me it was the most genuine moment they had ever seen with any of the dozens of celebrities they had hosted. (You can watch the video here – Maria is in the last few minutes. Later we found out that he was going directly to a screening hosted by Hugh Jackman and another event after that, yet he still took time with Maria.)

London was no different. He was patient, silly, a bit stern when Maria asked about her art and note from NY (suggesting he didn’t remember them – horrors!). Both times, he was incredibly generous to me, as well, and sincerely grateful that I had enabled Maria to meet him and Dr. Hawking, which was extraordinary.

Pictures don’t lie. A freelance photographer and a videographer captured Eddie’s heartfelt reactions to Maria in New York, and when Wired sent me the photos they had taken of Maria asking her question to Dr. Hawking and Eddie, everyone commented how he looked like her proud father. (The event was not recorded.)

So I’ve given in to let Maria write her first blog entry. I don’t think any of us have doubted that Eddie will be a lovely father, but Maria has that intuition and innocence of a child’s perspective.

I hope you enjoy her account. And yes – he’s even better looking in person and smells wonderful. He shook my hand both times we met, and he has the most delicate hands I’ve ever felt on a man – like his bones weigh nothing. All the better to cradle a newborn tenderly.

youtube

So let me tell you something about this tutorial.

This stuff is fucking gold. Her instructions are so perfect and so easy, it’s wonderful.

This tutorial is in two parts, so allow me to elaborate on some things she touches on, and a few things she looks over:

Note 1: You do not need 5 skeins of yarn to make the fluffs. Allow me to show you Exhibit A:

This tail is maybe a foot and a half long, and maybe 6 inches around when I flatten the fur?

And Exhibit B:

In both of these pictures, the blue yarn is from only one skein.

My base, which the part 2 video shows you how to make, was about half a skein of gray. I purposefully made my tail base thinner because I wanted it to look more feline and less canine, but I think I butchered that just a bit.

Note 2: You do not need to use a straightener on the fluffs.

Keep in mind that I’m only saying it’s not necessary. I’m not saying you shouldn’t use one, because on the contrary, it would probably make your tail look ten times better than mine. What I am saying is that if you, like me, are not in possession of a straightener and can’t borrow one, then you will be totally fine without it.

I sewed my fluffs at about this distance for every ring of fluffs (because I did rings going up the tail).

This is what mine looked like once I had only finished the tip. So yes, it’s supposed to look mostly like a truffula tree. A floppy truffula tree, but a truffula tree nonetheless.

Note 3: You are not restricted to elastic as an option for attachment mechanisms. I used a chain, as seen here:

I think the chain works really well. Because my tail is supposed to be seen as an accesory to the character, I’m not making any attempt to hide the base - actually, I want it to show. I thought a chain would be a good fit, in that case. That’s a bracelet. After a few minutes of wrestling with tightly-wound yarn and a few near-death experiences (slight exaggeration) I managed to get it through. And it works great!

Note 4: You can give your tail character!

Is your character a sort of rough-and-tumble kind of character?

Turn the tail upside-down and shake it, then just don’t brush it out and you get something like this.

Or maybe your character is a lot more clean and groomed?

Brush it out thoroughly. Ta-da!

All in all, though, this is a beautiful idea and a wonderful tutorial. If you are looking to make a fur tail, this is the tutorial for you. These things legitimately look so real if you do them right, and they are soft as fuck.

The only downside is that, like she says, it does take 35-40 hours to finish, but it’s so worth it. Trust me.

Thank you for your time. *steps off soapbox*

EDIT:

Heyyyyy so guess what needs to be updated? That’s right, this post!

Long story short, everyone keeps bringing this back for who knows what reason and so I’m hoping this update will spread as much as the initial post did, because I have some ~helpful info~!

Allow me to present Exhibit C, the finished tail that went with me to Katsucon 2014 and survived Friday’s adventures:

Ta-daaaaa.

In this one, I have officially used all the fluffs (all of them).

Now I stand at about 5'2", just so you know my arms aren’t incredibly long. The tail is maybe 2 feet? I think it’s just a little under that.

I’m going to address right now the things I’ve seen in response to this post (because yes, believe it or not, I read every single tag you guys put on this. XKit does amazing things. It’s good for exactly this purpose.)

1. I would seriously not advise using this for anything other than cosplay. Or if you just want to casually wear a tail, because that’s pretty kickass too.

The reason I say this is because when I went to Katsucon, I was sitting by the fountain with my chaperone and no sooner did we sit down then said fountain started up. This thing will hold water really well. Which sucks, because it makes the tail look so much thinner in all the places water gets on. And also, getting anything other than water on it is absolute hell to get out, so if you want a multi-use tail, just be careful okay?

2. About the base, from the previous poster.

As you may have guessed, there is a reason I reblogged my own post from this particular person rather than from myself. They actually make some really good commentary, and if you’re going to make one of these, I highly recommend checking out what they said.

But, I am going to disagree and amend a few points they make, and sorry about that in advance to the poster.

Yes, my tail in this new photo is actually the one I had from the start. And the reason it’s longer is because I did unspeakable things (read: I made a really improvised extension that miraculously worked, but one I would not ever recommend trying at home). I noticed that it was not at the ideal length I wanted for my Streetstuck Nepeta, and so I fixed it, and here we are. I will say right now, I wish I had the foresight to make my base thinner when I started. (Past me is such an idiot.) I had thought the base I had made was, in fact, thinner than what was in the video - and maybe it was, but it was definitely not enough. My extension, on the other hand, is the perfect width.

I don’t know how well you can see that, but I tried to show despite the fluff the difference in thickness.

My extension was about ¼th, I think, of the original width they give you in the video. I know it was half the thickness of my first base. I think I must have ended up with only 4 or 5 strands in every strand of the braid - and I did do a 4-strand braid for my extension too, it worked really well that time.

The more yarn you put in your base, the thicker it will be, naturally, and it will also be stiffer. However, the longer your tail is, the more flexible it will be. So it really depends on what you’re going for.

3. Stylistic aspects of the yarn.

I seriously do not recommend making your job any harder when you’re making the yarn fluffs.

Just don’t do it.

Trust me.

It’s not worth it.

Following the instructions in the video ought to give you the least time-consuming yarn-fluffing process. I’m saying this because, as a person who has a huge tendency to start projects and never finish them, I was this close to just giving up. It’s very tedious, and I think about 10 hours in I had to start taking breaks whenever “fuck it” would cross my mind. Definitely, having something to watch while you do your work helps. Put on a movie or something. I’ll give anyone recommendations if they ask, but be aware that I am a huge animated movies fan. :)

This was my tail when I put it on for my last cosplay test before Katsucon. Just so you can see how it looks on a person.

The second poster offers that purrhaps cutting the fluffs in half will make your tail look thinner. I’m going to disagree with that and say that I actually think that would make your tail look a lot fatter, because I’ve noticed that with mine, while I was worried about the fluffiness factor, once I got my base under control, the fluffs smoothed each other out. (The Fluff Factor. Sounds like a competitive knitting/needlefelting show.)

4. About the shaping of the tail.

I’m going to go ahead and make the disclaimer that I did neither of these things. I don’t know if they work, but I know I haven’t done them with this type of tail and I know the second poster said that they haven’t made this type of tail yet.

I would not advise using wire in your tail.

I really don’t advise it at all. My reasons are as follows:

1, I worked with wire for jewelry making. If you’re up close and personal with it and trying to do precision work it will stab you every goddamn chance it gets and then it makes your fingers raw. Not fun. So if you’re going to do it, at least be careful.

2, This is not the greatest idea for making your tail do that up-and-out thing that I’ve seen some cosplay tails do. The reason is that the wire-curved part of the tail will actually just make the tail curl around your leg or fall off to the side. It’s really not the greatest idea if for that reason alone.

3, Braiding wire into yarn is a pain.

So if for the sake of convenience only, it may not be the best idea.

Now, the fishing line idea, that is actually pretty cool. I’ve used fishing line before and it’s pretty good for this stuff. Just make sure you don’t cut off your circulation and make sure there’s little to no way you would cut off your circulation throughout whatever event you’re taking your tail to. Always keep track of your string. You never know if it’s gonna get caught on something or get picked up by an unsuspecting pet, or small child, or get tangled in a tree and choke someone - you get the picture, right? Make sure you have a way to get it off. Fishing line is tough. Be sure that you are careful when you use it because there is little to no way to break it with your bare hands. Carry scissors or something, and for the love of whatever you esteem to be holy be safe okay?

I think that covers a lot of the main stuff.

Remember that I am not the amazing person who made this video. I can’t answer all your questions. I can’t provide detailed step-by-step instructions. I just know what worked for me and how I differed from these instructions.

Girlfriend Tag

“Hello everyone, and welcome back!” Joe smiles at the camera, pushing his hair out of his face. “Now, I know a lot of you are wondering, Joe, you don’t have a girlfriend, how are you doing the girlfriend tag? Because I’m assuming that’s what I’ve titled this video.” He leans forward, speaking a little lower, “Note to future Joe, label this video as the girlfriend tag or something like that.” Nodding to himself, he straightens up and smiles again. “Well, to answer your question: I do have a girlfriend!”

He looked to his right, gesturing to the person out of the frame to come into shot, and Y/N sat beside him, offering a small wave to the camera.

“Hello everyone!”

“I know, surprising, isn’t it?” Joe chuckles. “Although a few of you did figure it out.”

“Which is weird, because we were so careful.”

“The fans, they’re crazy.”

“Don’t call your viewers crazy.”

“It’s a good crazy, though!”

“Just, ask the questions, Joe.” Y/N rolls her eyes, shaking her head a little.

“Right. So for those of you that don’t know what the girlfriend tag is, it’s pretty simple. I ask some questions, she answers them, you guys get to know a little bit about us.” Joe explains, lifting his phone as he mentions questions.

“And surprise! I’m asking Joe some questions too!”

“You are?”

“Yup.”

“We didn’t plan this.”

“That’s what makes it fun.”


“Alright, first question!” Joe glances down at this phone. “Easy: where did we meet?”

Y/N smiles at him, before turning to the camera. “This one came into the shop I was working at, incredibly flustered and freaking out, because he had yet to get his sister a birthday present. I also happened to be closing in five minutes, which only added to his nerves.”

“I’m such a shit brother.” He laughs.

“But you got Zoe a wonderful gift.”

“And your number.” He winks at her before looking at his phone again. “When did you meet my parents?”

“Oh gods,” She groans, her head falling into her hands. “That was so embarrassing.”

“You have to tell them, love.”

Sighing, Y/N lifts her head to look into the camera.

“Okay, Joe and I had been dating like, two weeks, that’s it. And we were,” Her cheeks flush red at the memory. “We were making out on his couch.”

“I’m a very good kisser.” Joe smirks.

Anyways, we were making out, and his dad walked in. Apparently Graham had decided to surprise his son with a visit into London.”

“Dad said she made quite the first impression.” Joe laughs, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“I couldn’t look at him for an hour.”

“It was great!”

“Oh be quiet and ask your next question.”

“Alright, where was our first date?” Joe asks.

“You just want everyone to know how much of a romantic you are, don’t you?” Y/N teases.

“I’m incredibly proud of this moment.”

“Joe, sweetheart that he is, took me on a wine tasting date. Very classy. Very romantic.”

“Never topped that first date. Set the bar too high.” He shakes his head, “Who knows if I ever will.”

“I’m sure you will, babe.” She pats his leg reassuringly. “My turn to ask a question!”

“What? No! I’m not done!”

“Too bad. I’m asking one. Because you know people are wondering this. Who said I love you first?”

“And that’s it for the video!” Joe claps his hands together, but Y/N smacks him lightly in the arm.

“No, it’s not. Answer the question.”

“She did.” He grumbles.

“To be fair, I kind of surprised him.” She lets out a small laugh, “It was out of nowhere.”

“I was explaining a new video idea—“

“But he was so into it, and his eyes just lit up—“

“It was a stupid idea.”

“I just realized, that I loved him. So I blurted it out. And then he continued telling me his idea, completely oblivious to what I had said.”

“I was on a roll. And wanted to run the idea by you.”

“When he realized what I had said, he shut up real fast.”

“I think I blacked out and went into shock. But eventually said it back.” Joe finishes, smiling softly over at Y/N.

“It was precious.” She comments, “Now you can ask another question.”

“Thank you. What am I good at?”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“This is a horrible question.”

“Because I’m not good at anything?”

“No!” Y/N stares at him with wide eyes, “Because you are good at so many things. Like his memory is amazing. And this boy can cook. Also, his videos. You’ve seen them right? Plus he has a book, sorry, two books, and two films. Joe is multi-talented. He’s good at so many things. I can’t choose one.” She glances over at him, noticing the redness in his cheeks. “And on top of all that, he’s modest.” She leans over, pecking him on the cheek.

“Thanks, love.”

“You are most welcome. Now, I have one more question for you.”

“Perfect, it’ll be the last one.” Joe nods at her, tossing his phone over his shoulder.

“What is one thing you wish I didn’t do?” Y/N asks, watching his face for his reaction.

“Okay, now that is a horrible question.”

“Why?”

“Because if I say the wrong thing, I actually won’t have a girlfriend.”

“Answer the question.”

“Uhm,” He looks up at the ceiling, contemplating his answer. “Alright. First thing that comes to my mind: I wish you didn’t come to bed with cold feed.”

Y/N lets out a laugh at his answer.

“That’s your answer?”

“Yup. And I’m sticking with it.”

“You dork.” She tells him, still giggling.

“Anyways, that’s it for this video. If you liked it, and seeing Y/N, give the video a thumbs up. Remember to subscribe, because it’s free. And I will see you next Sunday with another Sugg Sunday Special!”

“Bye!”


They both wave before Joe reaches over to stop the recording.

“Well, you’re officially introduced to the world.”

“Cold feet, really?”

“You’re stuck on that?”

“My feet are not cold!”

“Yes, they are.” Joe grins, reaching over to tickle her sides. “So start wearing socks to bed!”

“No!” Y/N squeals, falling backwards onto the bed, trying to escape Joe, but he only follows her, laughing along with her.

John Laurens  x Reader: Modern!AU

Words: 1538

Warning: John is a nervous wreck and I love it

Request: nah

Prompt: nope

A/N:  there’s lots of page breaks and stuff, it’s kind of like a montage — also it consists of movie refrences (that I haven’t watched) so you can look them up if you want to

=====

“Peggy, what am I gonna do?” You whined, “Prom is in a few days and I don’t have a date!”

“Come on, I’m sure someone is gonna ask you. Lafayette asked me, Alexander asked Eliza, Thomas asked Angelica, and–”

“Stop bragging,” you deadpanned.

“You can hang out with us, it’ll be fun, I promise.”

“Oh, no. I’m not being the third wheel.”

Last time, at prom, you were the third wheel. Not technically, John didn’t have a date either, but he kept flirting with girls. You didn’t even want to be there, you wanted to be at the Prom football game.

“John might ask you!” Peggy said, excitedly.

“Oh,” you scoffed, “There’s no way that’s happening. He doesn’t like me.”



“I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” John groaned, “Every girl I’ve been interested in either has a boyfriend, or has been asked already.”

“Come on, mon amie, we know you weren’t actually interested in those girls,” Lafayette said.

“You should ask y/n,” Alexander suggested.

“James Madison is asking her,” John whined.

“Do you really know that?” Hercules asked, looking up from his phone.

“No… but she wouldn’t say yes anyways! I barely even talk to her…” John frowned as he pulled his phone out.

“Laurens, you’ve liked her for the longest time,” Alex took Johns phone from his hands, “And your wallpaper is a picture you and her together!”

John snatched his phone back, “That doesn’t mean anything…” he muttered.



“Oh, Aaron is so cute! I can’t believe he asked me!” Theodosia gushed. You guys were in her house, and she, and every other girl who had a date, were talking about their plans for Prom.

You walked over to Angelica, who stayed quiet, “So, what about Thomas?”

“I turned him down,” Angelica said, nonchalantly. Your eyes widened, “What? Peggy said he asked you!”

“He did… and I turned him down.”

You sighed, “At least I’m not the only one going alone. But, hey, we could go alone together.”

Angelica took a sip of her drink, frowning, “I thought John was asking you? You two would be so cute together! You’ve liked him since the beginning of time!”

“No, he won’t ask me. Only in my dreams would the happen.”

“Anybody would be lucky to have you,” she said, bumping your hip with hers.

“Ah, I don’t need your pity points. I think I’ll be good by myself.”



“Even if I were to ask her to to Prom, how would I do it? Everyone has these magnificent, beautiful ways to ask their dates–”

Alex cut John off, “Well, not Jefferson. I’m pretty sure he just stuck a stickynote inside Angelicas locker or something.”

“– And I can’t do something like that! It’s out of my hands.”

“It doesn’t matter how you ask her, mon amie,” Lafayette said, “If she really likes you, she’ll say yes anyways.”

“I hope your right,” John mumbled leaning back in his chair, pen scratching against his temple.



“Should I do something cheesy, or…?” You asked your friends, your pencil was resting on the poster board as you though of possible lines to use on John to get him to go to prom with you.

“Aw, yes! That’d be so cute! Everyone will love it!” Eliza said, her hands supporting her head while her elbows rested on her knees.

You were asking John to prom. You didn’t care if it wasn’t the way things normally went with a girl asking a guy, but you didn’t care. You were prepared to make a fool out of yourself in front of a crowd, just for John.

You scribbled something on the poster, making sure it looked at least a little good so you could trace it later with marker. You thinking of possibly backing out, but you weren’t sure if you could now, you already told almost all of your friends!



“Does she like puns? I don’t think she likes puns,” John said, scratching his temple.

“Are you kidding? Girls love cheesy stuff, mostly pick up lines! Just write it down!” Alexander said, exasperated.

John glared at him momentarily, before starting to think, “Okay, what if I…”



“How am I going to do this? When am I going to do this? I mean– I only have one class with him!” You exclaimed, rubbing your temples.

“You’ve had movie nights with him!” Eliza defended.

“But it wasn’t just us! You and the guys were there, too! This is horrible.”

“Girl, calm down, we can text Alexand-” Maria started, but she got cut off by the ringtone on your phone, someone was calling you.

Coincidentally, it was Alexander.

You picked it up, “Hello?”

“Y/n! Hi! The boys, Lafayette, Hercules, Laurens and I, are at the mall! Do you want to come with us and bring the girls, too?”

Perfect. You could ask him when you got there!

“Uh, yeah, sure. Is there a certain place we’re meeting?” You asked, looking behind you towards the girls with you, they looked eager to know what was being conversed about.

“Yeah, uh, the food court. There’s a lot of people there, but I’m sure you’ll find us fine.” You couldn’t detect it, but he was smirking. Mostly because John was standing next to him, nervous as ever.

“Okay, sure. We’ll be there soon.”

Alexander bid a goodbye and you ended the call, turning around towards Maria, Angelica, Eliza, and Peggy,

“Okay, so, here’s the plan…”



You had your poster board wrapped up and tied by a rubber band, you didn’t really want anyone to see. You were on a floor above them, so you could see exactly where they were.  Lafayette, Hercules, and Alexander sat on a bench while John was standing up, there was something white under the bench but you couldn’t tell what it was.

There were a lot of people around them, they seemed to be waiting for something, and you noticed most of them for school. You weren’t sure if that was good or bad.

If John said yes, everyone would know immediately, and there would be lots of cheers and everyone would be happy.

If he said no, everyone would know immediately, It’d definetly be awkward, and people might laugh at you. Including John.

You did your best to push those thoughts out of your head, covering it with a smile. You turned towards the girls, “Okay, should we go?”

Maria squealed and did her best not to push you down the escalator in anticipation, you couldn’t tell who was happiest out of the group. They all had their phones out, ready to record.

You approached the crowd slowly, taking the rubber band off of your poster, but you continued to walk forward.

People seemed to be making a small pathway for you, some had their phones out and started recording. You felt incredibly nervous, now if he said no, there’ll be videos of it everywhere!

Once you reached the end of the crowd, approaching John, you felt your face grow red. You resisted the urge to run, and you pushed past the final group of people.

You made a final glance down at your poster, before looking up at the scene before you.

You were shocked at first, very surprised, and very happy. Alexander and his friends stood off to the side, Lafayette recording while Hercules and Alexander shook their legs in anticipation.

But, their eyes traveled down to what was in your hands, and they looked surprised as well. Your eyes traveled from them to the man in front of you, John, who was as red as a tomato.

Your one of your hands flew up from your poster, the other one still holding it steady, and you covered up the smile quickly taking over your features.

People around you started laughing –not at you, with you– and you burst into laughs as well.


“So, y/n,” John looked down at his poster, before looking up at you again, “Will you be the Cher to my Josh at prom?”

You removed your hand and showed your smiled, “Only you’ll be the Jesse to my Nova.”

John smiled widely, grinning from ear to ear, and in a split second– everyone was cheering and screaming all around you.

John walked up to you and kissed you on the forehead, before pulling you into a hug, his arms wrapped around your torso and his chin resting on your head.

Everyone was so giddy, and you couldn’t be happier. Something was finally going right, and you loved it. John looked very happy himself, also.

Soon enough, your friends pulled you both apart. Johns friends patted him on the back and were shouting incoherent words– while your friends were squealing and smiling, also saying incoherent words.

Everything was a blur, it was kind of overwhelming, all you knew is that you were very excited and happy and that with what you knew so far– this was the best day of your life.

Okay, so, I was looking at the character pages for Overwatch cuz someone was talking about them and there are just some things that were on my mind that I wanted to mention.

Let’s start with Symmetra.

I borrowed @bikiniarmorbattledamage​‘s Female Armor Bingo card here (and in other spots for this post). Now, technically she’s not wearing armor in the first place, but honestly that’s part of the problem for me. They’re going into battle and she doesn’t even get pants??? Also, I know this is a nitpick but I’m get so tired of seeing thigh-highs that stay up completely by themselves. You need sock glue or garters for that shit, I’m so tired of seeing that. She’s also wearing high heels.

But like, why doesn’t she get real armor at all? Or pants???

And when I looked at her story, it said her real name is Satya Vaswani. I’m kind of side-eyeing the name choice slightly because, when I worked with kids for a while, we had a huge variety of customers and a lot of our Indian customers had what I thought were longer, cool, beautiful names. Names that a lot of Americans would think were hard to say. But other characters got longer and more complicated-sounding names, so why do I have a bad feeling that they picked Symmetra’s name to be easier for Americans to say? Idk. It bugs me. 


Next up is Mercy.

Whooooo also isn’t allowed to have pants.* :/ And no, those are clearly semi-opaque tights of some kind, not pants. They’re not even leggings. They basically have an almost fishnet look to them. So again, no pants. Boobplate, of course. And the entire skirt thing and her boots are going to chafe and poke her horribly and it’s just not comfortable-looking at all. 

But what really bothers me about her design is how fucking Aryan she is. Do angel-type characters always have to be pale white, blonde, and blue-eyed? Combine that with the fact that her name is Angela Ziegler, which is a German last name, and the whole thing just becomes incredibly off-putting to me. Sure, technically her character is Swiss, but to give her a German last name on top of her looking so Aryan is just gross, frankly.


Next up is Zarya.

Her torso armor is still kind of skintight for her torso and I am not counting that jersey-like fabric she’s wearing underneath it as padding in any way, shape, or form, but holy shit she gets PANTS! And doesn’t even have to wear heels!!

She still has a pretty prominently boobplated breast size, but still probably one of their better designs.

One thing that makes me uncomfortable is that the one tank-like woman we get is Russian??? Why??? I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but when I learned she was Russian, I wasn’t even slightly surprised. It feels like it’s playing into some weird tropes that I’m not as familiar with but it just doesn’t feel right on some level.


Next up is D.va.

(Apologies for weird image, couldn’t find anything great for it.)

Her shoes have a big enough heel that they’d be uncomfortable to walk in, so I’m counting it. Those things on her breasts are almost on top of her nipples so I’m counting it. Also, it’s technically not a boobplate, but they gave her boobsocks, so I’m counting it.

Everything about this character just makes me like. :/ Really?

Honestly, her name “D.va” wouldn’t bother me as much if it weren’t for the way she was written. She’s a 19-year-old Korean woman who’s job was as a pro-gamer before the plot. Like. Really? Just. Sigh. Do I even need to explain why this is icky-feeling? Ugh. And no, playing video games should not automatically make her good at using mechs, which is kind of what it read as in her profile to me. -_-


Next up is Widowmaker.

Bingo, bingo, bingo! I really don’t like her outfit at all. There’s no way her top would ever stay in place unless it was basically stapled into her skin and it isn’t. So. No. Also, it looks really uncomfortably tight, especially in the crotch region, which is just gonna make it more likely that she’ll get vaginal infections. These are things people need to think about, I’m serious.

Okay, for one thing, yes, I realize she’s supposed to be some sort of femme fatale character. Except. Her backstory doesn’t match how she looks at all. She’s supposed to be this perfect assassin who was brainwashed to be a killing machine, blah blah blah. As tired as I find that story to be in general, it would be alright enough if this wasn’t her appearance. What kind elite goddamn assassin dresses like that?!

Also, her backstory says, “her physiology was altered, drastically slowing her heart, which turned her skin cold and blue and numbed her ability to experience human emotion.” That is not how that works. At all. Her skin is more purple imo than blue, but I’d be willing to ignore that if it weren’t for the “somehow it also made her emotionless!” No. No no no no no. That’s now how that works. At all. Ever. That’s just shitty writing. Even if they were trying to be dramatically metaphorical, it read like they meant it literally and it’s just really awful. Just no.

Also her being French because French is ~sexy~ just fucking delete this character, ffs.


Next up is Mei.

This outfit is actually A+, I really like it.

Ignoring the bullshit of cryotechnology because sure why not whatever, her backstory is also good. I think her pants might not actually be warm enough cuz they look like tights and if she’s fighting in any not cold area, I feel like she’d be sweating like crazy, but whatever.

The only thing I’m kinda :/ about is that I often see her held up as a fat or curvy female character, but I feel like she’s honestly designed as just wearing really thick clothing? But in general, no big complaints for her.


Next is Tracer.

Overall her outfit is pretty fun. That butt cleavage, tho. :/ Why the hell is her butt so vacuum-sealed into those pants? That’s an incredibly uncomfortable wedgie. Ick.

She’s alright for the most part, but is anyone else mildly annoyed that the sort of mascot character for the game is a white British woman? Meh. Not much else to talk about that hasn’t already been said.


Finally, we have Pharah.

She’s also got one of the better outfits, actually. She’s the only woman who has real head protection (which isn’t a high priority for me tbh but it’s great to see). Her armor around her waist especially is super tight, so I’m counting it.

I felt like her backstory was really, really bland. She’s wearing really awesome armor! Kick it up a notch!! I also kind of wish her armor was even more bulky but it’s pretty good.

One thing I feel weird about is that curlique-type thing under her eye. I don’t know enough about Egyptian culture to speak to it much, but it feels a little bit like, “hey this is Egyptian, right? Now you can tell she’s Egyptian!” Idk.


So overall, some of the outfits are really good. The body diversity could have really been a lot better.

Symmetra deserved PANTS FER FUCKS SAKE, Mercy is way, way too Aryan, Widowmaker has a backstory that contradicts her entire outfit, and D.va as a character just makes me facepalm because she feels so extremely fanservicey. 

But more people especially need to talk about grossly Aryan Mercy is, it’s really pissing me off the most.

Otherwise, Symmetra, Mei, Zarya, and Pharah are best character imo.


*EDIT: Someone pointed out that it’s a little weird for me to count Tracer’s leg-coverings as pants but not Mercy’s leg-coverings as pants. Texture-wise, I still think Mercy’s are semi-opaque tights and Tracer’s are thick leggings, but this one can definitely be up to interpretation, I think.

the best part about being a monster is not caring what happens to myself

Summary: In which Phil has synesthesia - an ability to “see” sounds and “smell” colours. However Dan has a secret, which is an eating disorder.
Genre: fluff & angst
Word count: 6.7k
TWs: swearing, vomiting, eating disorder
A/N: Huge shout out to @ohmygoyouguys​ !!! This fic wouldn’t exist if it was’t for her!

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The Force Awakens

Advent Prompt #14: Jealousy. (Or what happens when Chris and Darren realize that only one of them can go to the Star Wars premiere). 2K [AO3 Read Previous Advent fics on: AO3 | Tumblr

Darren’s stuck in Los Angeles traffic when he gets the phone call. “Hey you,” he answers. “I’m headed your way now but the freeway is pretty backed up. It’ll probably be another twenty minutes or so.”

Chris sighs. “Okay…”

“Sorry,” Darren apologizes. “Everything alright?”

“Not exactly. When you get here, we need to talk,” Chris manages, sounding uneasy.

“Um… okay? Are you breaking up with me?” Darren asks, laughing nervously.

“What? No, no, definitely not. Although who knows, you might want to break up with me by the end of the night.”

Darren’s really not liking where this conversation is headed. He’s never been one for vagueness or beating around the bush. “Chris, just tell me now, please? Don’t torture me for the next half hour until I get to your place.”

“I thought you said twenty minutes before?”

“And that was my optimistic view of the traffic. But given that I’ve barely moved five feet since then…” he trails off.

“Yeah, fair enough. So, I got a ticket in the mail today,” Chris admits.

“Dude, seriously, is that all? You got another parking fine? Who fucking cares,” Darren scoffs, shaking his head fondly.

“No, not that kind of– I got a ticket to the premiere,” Chris explains.

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Here it goes...

I’ve tried to write this newsletter for weeks… but up until today I just couldn’t find the words.

There is so much I wish to say, more than any email could fill… I guess that’s the point of the book, but even so I’ll try and keep this brief, for the people who heard what I was trying to say.

I’ll start here.

I grew up being a teen idle. I was social media famous at 15. At 12 I saw myself as this huge, solid, too tall, nerdy, awkward majorly unpopular girl. I thought to be social media famous would be the best job ever and if all these people ‘liked’ me I would be happy. At 15 I got what I wished for, I was first Facebook famous - tall, slim, blonde, smiling, straight A student… Then I moved onto Instagram and tumblr, then shortly after - at the request of others - YouTube.

When I broke up with my boyfriend at 18, quit university to peruse social media (I had over 500,000 instagram followers), I became signed with one of Australia’s biggest modelling agencies in a matter of weeks. I instantly started dating another guy and through social media made several online vegan friends that asked all about my break up, how I was doing, what my plans were, if they could do anything to help – I was thrilled. These people were there for me and invited me into their homes. Breaking up with him, quitting uni and moving out of my apartment - I was extremely unstable and unsure of everything.

I had a friend that had been there for me since I was 16, and actually helped me go vegan… she wasn’t as well known on social media as the other people coming into my life… and when the decision presented itself I chose modelling and these new friends over her.

I pushed away all my old friends and anyone who knew me for me (goofy, nerdy Essena – not the teen idle). I talked ill of my old friends and only hung out with social media people… I made that choice.  

Social media was my full time job and took up majority of my life. I would spend eight hours a day photographing, styling, editing, filming, scrolling… Finding people with similar passions was incredible – eating out for free, every little moment could be a perfect candid snap or silly vlog, we’d talk about my nonstop boy problems, and bitch about other youtuber’s/instgaramers that I knew personally. That was my life. Constant shoots, photos, editing and an artificial smile. I am not one bit proud of my actions, if that’s not already clear.

I was able to fund travels to Thailand and LA off Youtube payments and paid posts… Of which I deceived and acted like I bought the products of free will.

I made a video saying I was going to travel to these places and thousands of people offered their homes to me. The girl I mentioned above that was less known (of which I pushed asides, spoke ill of and was a completely horrible person to) was travelling to LA at the same time. She was talking to all the same people but she didn’t get any invites, even when some that were originally promised.

I guess I felt entitled with how everything was just handed to me… I had followers and people wanted to be my friend.

Being as caught up and superficial as I was, I chose only the people that were in the same industry as I to stay with – vegan and social media famous. I house hopped for three months. I am firstly extremely grateful for all the hospitality, but the girl they knew was not someone I am proud of, let alone someone I even liked.

During this time I became so caught up in pleasing people, getting more success in my career, becoming thinner (fitter was my excuse), dating countless guys at the same time, meeting with lots of different agencies and having proposals for major modelling and YouTube deals. All I talked about was my social media, getting a new fancy car, getting a fancy flat in LA, new cute clothes, my growing followers, brand deals…. This was everything I did and talked about each day.

I did shoots most days with everyone I stayed with, giving them all my social media tips, bikini photos, brand deals, cute selifes, perfectly arranged smoothie bowls. I gave lighting, caption and editing tips. It was my life and what I did for fun, not to mention my entire career.

This 2D perfect world was my life  – it felt like it was my true worth, I somehow convinced myself ‘this is what I owe them for their hospitality… they didn’t host a small instagramer… this is why they want me…’ I know that may sound ridiculous, because it so is.

Is that just how it works?

I couldn’t help wondering, if I had 500 followers not 500,000+ would I be staying here? If I was a size 16 not a size 6, would they still like me as their friend? If I wasn’t this famous, slim blonde – would I be at this party? At this place? With these people?

Would I still walk into a shop and the owner say ‘take everything you want, let’s just do a little shoot out the back for insta yeah?’

I don’t blame anyone for my actions or how much I was absorbed by social media, my appearance and this 2D world. It was me, I was being deceitful, I was lost, I was sick and I needed serious help. But of course I didn’t know that at the time. At the time I thought more money, more of these friends, being thinner.. that would solve this internal misery.

What’s ironic, during all of this struggle I was getting more and more followers, thinner and thinner, better and more visually appealing pictures… online it looked like I had the perfect life… yet I was so completely lonely and miserable inside. I hid it from everyone. I smiled and laughed in pictures and vlogs. No one knew I had what now is described as social anxiety disorder, depression, body dimorphic… whenever I met someone I instantly thought ‘they hate me’ or ‘they make fun of my videos’ ‘they think I’m stupid’… I felt exhausted trying to keep up this bubbly, funny, happy façade.

So at the height of several major proposals with modelling and getting close to signing new agencies in LA I started freaking out – why am I so unhappy? Why do I feel so lonely surrounded by so many people? Why do I hate myself so much? Why do I feel this lost and upset with myself? What is wrong with me?

What I saw in LA, especially at social events and how much I changed to please people… shocked my core. The celebrities I met at events – how they use social media and marketing seriously stunned me. The things I saw and heard and was even apart of – hardly many people know. I believe these things should be made public – hence the book.

So I started seeing myself in others, hearing horrible things and realising that’s what I say… do… I had a kind of epiphany that may be obvious to many, but at the time this freaked someone who had ‘everything’ out- I realised I didn’t know myself without my looks or social media fame… the young aspiring 14 year old writer was dead to me… I hated who I was. I hated everything about myself.

Whilst I was still dating several guys, had heaps of these social media friends and was so fortunate to stay with some generous people who had an amazing guesthouse, I made a video titled ‘I feel so alone.’ This would have been four months ago now. It received 100,000 views at the time. This was the start of everything I guess. I made several more posts and videos about how I never enjoyed modelling or how I was addicted to a 2D version of myself. I made a video saying ‘I’m not who you think I am’ which basically said just that… I’m not this perfect happy, lovely earthy girl… I’ve got serious problems. I’ve lost myself to these superficial ideas of happiness.

People made fun of that, said I was just trying to get views…but it was okay. It was my old friend from primary school who messaged that touched me saying ‘this is the Essena I remember’.

I then made one with a face full of acne explaining ‘I am grateful for my acne’ basically saying how I felt I needed a break for superficial beauty because who I am is someone that needs a lot of time to heal and grow.

Since that video I stopped wearing makeup and using my phone for about 3 days straight. This was insane and huge for me, especially in LA where my entire job was videos and photos… it changed my life.

I realised how I am never present, I don’t really talk to people… but more so how my days had morphed into constant shoots, constant planning to do things to make my life look good on a screen.

I do not respect the person I was in LA, Thailand, or even towards the end of my first semester in uni… I was lost, with serious problems so beautifully hidden… if anything my social media addiction, perfectionist personality and low self esteem made my career. Over-sexualisation, perfect food photos, perfect travel vlogs – it is textbook how I got famous. Sex sells, people listen to pretty blondes, I just happened to talk about veganism a trending thing on YouTube.

I used people, and time after time let people use me.

When I got back from LA I felt ashamed of everything I’d become. I told my family, ‘I can’t do this. I don’t want to model. I don’t want to even be on social media, it’s just not for me anymore.’

Of course they thought I was going crazy. Why give up a preposed $50,000 Youtube deal? Five or six shoots already waiting for me in Sydney?

If you knew what I knew or felt what I felt… I think you might understand.

Placing value on your external appearance and social status will never make you happy, if anything I’d argue it makes you extremely lonely, shallow, lost and anxious… because both those things are determined by others… how you look and appear to others.

For about three weeks when I got back, stayed with my parents, hardly using social media, makeup, my phone… I realised how much of who I am was suppressed… how much my life I ignored and how screwed up I really was in this tiny sparkly 2D world. It was then seeing my younger sister and her friends – how they use social media… how so many go places just to take photos, sit there scrolling for hours, refreshing likes desperately hoping they’ll get more…

Again, could elaborate. This is me trying to be brief aha.

So I told my family and a few close to me that I was going to quit it all – modelling and social media. That instead I would do some ad free videos and posts on a website for the people who followed me and wanted to know more (I thought my experience would maybe help a few see things a little differently). I had seen a lot of musicians and content creators rely on donations for free content, the ‘pay what you think’ method.

I was originally just going to delete all 2000 of my photos on Instagram and leave the bio with a simple link to my site. However when I got to the last few photos I thought ‘hey maybe it will be funny if I edit these with kinda truthful captions’. So I did. I remember that day was a Monday. The people who originally followed me thought it was hilarious. On the Tuesday I released my site, with a couple of posts, heaps of documentaries, music, recipes and basically the place I’d make content part time whilst I wrote. That was the plan.

There even was a forum, that so many used to talk to each other about vegan meet ups, overcoming certain problems and diversities… it was such an amazing positive place.

Then Wednesday afternoon I filmed a very raw, arguably desperate video. I didn’t even watch it through. It was the most unfiltered I could have ever spoken. I was scared. I was throwing away such a big part of my life and I guess realised how much I needed to hear what I knew now at 12… when it was all starting… when I felt like I was nothing.

I made that video for the people that idolised me, I felt I owed them just that. That was all it was meant to be.

The next morning was Thursday, my 19

th

birthday. I logged into the forum on the site and saw so many posts about my story being on the news, so I went to the video I uploaded last night and blinked rapidly at the 1,000,000+ views in less than 12 hours. I looked at my Instagram and saw 800,000+ followers when only a few hours ago I had 500,000.

This day was immensely positive. I couldn’t believe so many resonated with the message…  so many youtubers and Instagrammers saying this shit happens all too often and we should be aware… basically every single news channel and talk show imaginable was emailing, calling my friends, ex’s, school, local library even.

It was insane. A major talk show in Australia said they believed in the message wholeheartedly, I spoke with the producer on the phone for an hour. She said ‘this the story of the year, I can relate so much, thank you for finally saying it’.

I went on her show the next morning, and as she wished, made sure it was the first thing I did. I couldn’t believe the irrelevant questions asked and how different the feel was from the phone conversation with the producer. I felt humiliated and made fun of… as if me crying was a catchy headline for them… they didn’t want to talk about the deeper stuff – deceptive paid posts, doing things just for social approval, or even just growing up a teen idle and realising hey maybe this isn’t the key to happiness?? Maybe fame, a cute bikini selfie and a modelling contract doesn’t equal happiness?

That’s all my message was.

During the next 24 hours I was just shocked and honestly just confused… the way it all turned so negative just numbed me…

As if I was making it all up? For what? Money? Fame? I had that before so that makes sense?

That I was a genius manipulator and knew this would make world news?

I was a hypocrite because I used social media to explain my story to the half a million people that once idolised me?

That I was a fraud, a hoax, a brilliant actor just because I was smiling in the pictures and said those smiles weren’t real?

Seeing people I knew making videos as if my personal life, tears and obvious vulnerability… as if it was some kind of joke to them? I couldn’t believe people couldn’t just call me first, but wanted to make such a public spectrum… it worked, they got views…

But most of all, I couldn’t believe how many people in the industry took my words so personally… YES I WAS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM, I WAS THE ONE USING SOCIAL MEDIA BADLY – that was my entire point? I cried about how messed up I was. I was down, bleeding and scared. I made that obvious the world.

I let those superficial things motive my life… that was what the video was about – I had the problem…

The one exaggeration I made was saying ‘everyone in LA was miserable’ – it’s so ironic because at the time I only meant the celebrities I had met and the people at certain events. I meant the people I had met that were ‘superficially successful’ not anyone I stayed with. I never ever intended to hurt anyone personally. I only meant to talk about the culture of a certain society I was apart of – never any one person.

The culture of Instagram fame, sexism in media, the sexual objectification of women, the deception in paid posts, the idea that skinny starving girls get ahead, that if you’re born into the body I have – you get a career out of it, you get an invite into all the parties, everyone wants to take you to lunch, everyone says they love you… I lived that life and felt so alone, shallow and lost… BECAUSE I WAS.

That’s the culture that I believe needs to be talked about. I suffered from it at 12 and at 18.

How the media and arguably a lot of social media works is off sex, scandals, gossip and trending topics.

I guess I became a trending topic. The girl crying saying she thought her whole life wasn’t real – became a laughing stock.

What happened with people I thought were friends hurt me more than any words can say… Hearing what some people thought of me based off one video or headline made me feel things I’d never felt before.

Apparently I was pregnant, apparently I was doing all of this because I broke up with someone (of which I was seeing other people and broke up with guys nonstop for the last 6 months, something that I think explains how much drama fuelled my life). People I didn’t even know and never even met pretending to be ‘one of my close friends’…

I became the trend to talk about, make fun of and put in headlines.

When it was all unfolding I was too overwhelmed with the positive and all the people that supported me and so very generously donated to my creation of more content and more posts of the relevant issues.

I numbed myself to the entire negative and buried myself in the site. I woke up at 5am, worked out, ate breakfast and worked from 7am to 7pm Mon-Friday.

It was fuelled by a mix of ‘holy shit this site had 5 million unique visitors they deserve more content’ and ‘I want to help anyone I can.’

Burying your pain and feelings will never ever work long term. A month ago it all caught up from me. I had refrained from reading much or even watching much with my name when it all happened… but a month ago I started viewing…

I couldn’t explain the feeling of complete loss of control. Of seeing your vulnerable moments plastered on memes, of even hearing so called friends try and defend themselves while wanting to hurt me…

For views? For AdSense money? So they appear relevant?

I couldn’t believe how the message of perfectionism online, deceptive paid posts and living out of screen were buried under my personal life and so called ‘scandal’.

I guess it proved my point about how a lot of mass media and social media work – get views, get likes, don’t worry about the value in what you’re saying let alone the person you are ripping apart through your key board.

I had to say goodbye to a few people I was close to because I simply couldn’t condone what they were saying to their viewers… how they were denying paid posts and how they were twisting truths. It was really hard. I said I love you to them all and explained I just can’t support it, I support you though and only hope you’re happy…

I never in a million years thought these people would turn around and publicly ‘hate’ me.

Having people you shared so much with do that… well it left me crying myself to sleep. It left me sitting in my room never wanting to leave.

I felt like dying.

There I said it.

I know that’s fucking dark and not fun to even talk about but I got to that point. I felt like screaming, ‘DO YOU ALL JUST WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF? TO DIE? AM I THAT HORRIBLE? WHAT HAVE I DONE REALLY DONE TO YOU?’

I received so many death threats, ‘Kill yourself you attention seeking whore that only cares about herself and cuts out all your friends, you deserve to die, so please just do it now and save the world some more embarrassment.’

I had a family member say how much of an embarrassment I was and how I was lying because I was smiling in past pictures… as if one can’t fake a smile.

As if being perfect, smiling and happy online was okay, even if you’re hiding real pain and torment inside – the world loves that girl, celebrates and adores her.  But the second you say something out of line, you’re a hoax.

What kind of message is that to anyone wanting to speak out about his or her own struggles? What have we come to where it’s completely okay to make fun of a vulnerable girl who admits she has an addiction and ridicule her for it?

Just reading some things so far from the truth, having absolutely no control… I just felt so much pain and I didn’t know how to stop it. I didn’t know what to do.

First it was confusion for what was happening, then it was pure hate, then it was a lot of fear and just hurt.

I don’t regret what I said, sure I could have worded things differently, but I didn’t think twice or even edit that viral video. Those edited captions were a bit of a joke, I never ever thought it would get global news attention.

I told my truth and how I felt and the problem I had. Having it backfire like it did, so positive then so immediately negative… burying those feelings then letting myself feel all at once… I just felt like staying in my bed for the rest of my life.

Growing up famous on social media you learn to deal with hate comments and build up a type of shield to them. But I guess I was never so open before so when I was down, crying, saying how messed up I was… and having people throw that in my face (people I knew as well) just made me feel like everything I did was a mistake. I was a mistake. The world doesn’t want real underling problems; the world wants to mock someone who said ‘this superficial life isn’t real’.

I took down the site three weeks ago simply because I just couldn’t be on the Internet. It felt toxic. It got to the point where I just wanted to write, the satire/memoir that I’m currently working on but more so fiction. Sci-fi novels have been my dream since I was 12.

Two weeks ago I donated all the funds raised to three different charities that resonated with me the most. I’m scared even sharing this will make me seem attention seeking all over again (I guess you can never win).

  1. Animal Foundation of Florida. It was their ‘101 reasons to be vegan’ that changed my life forever, opened my eyes to so many logical concepts and truly impacted beyond words.

2.Megan Meier Foundation. I’m not going to get into it too full on here, but having people on the Internet say things that they wouldn’t dare to in real life… well it hurts more than I ever could have imagined. Being called every name under the sun… lair, slut, whore, fake, manipulator, attention seeking, psycho… that I should kill myself and will forever be a ‘flaky bitch’ … it got to me. It really really got to me. There were some really dark days. And I just can’t imagine what it’s like to not have a family like mine during these times of severe struggle. They got me through this as well as professional therapy… but the millions of young people who deal with cyber bullying everyday and feel they have no one…  what about them? What if they too believe the words and think they are underserving of forgiveness or even living?

If that’s you, oh god I just want to beg you to hold on, you’re not alone and no matter what they say about you or even who you think you are, you are worthy of change and acceptance… time and professional help will heal this. The world is a nasty place but believe me there are people out there who understand and will help you get through this.

To anyone: before you send in a hateful anonymous message, a YouTube comment or even make an entire video ripping into someone publicly naming and shaming them… please oh please consider the real pain of your words. Please realise it is a real human you a talking about. Ask yourself… is this person hurt? Do they have feelings? Do I even truly know them? Have I known them for years enough to form a valid opinion of their actions? Most likely you don’t. If you did you would know publicly shaming and ridiculing them is the most destructive thing you could ever do, especially if the person is already vulnerable and exposed.

Cyberbulling is not okay. I am so grateful for organisations like this one, I cried reading Megan’s story. It felt like I could relate wholeheartedly especially having grown adults to similar things to me. The feeling of utter grief, loss of control… I know it now all too well. It’s never okay. And there are people who devote their lives to stoping this pain.

3. The Fred Hollows Foundation. As little as $25 can restore eyesight. That’s fucking incredible.

Again, I never anticipated the response that happened. I was so overwhelmed with everyone’s belief in the site, I can’t begin to thank you and let you know what I’m working on I really really believe in.

So with everyone’s generosity, it only feels right to give to these three organisations that seriously save and change lives.

So as for me? I’m getting a job at a local bar and pursuing writing full time.

That was my childhood dream… and I can’t help but think maybe I might have pursued that if I believed in myself enough beyond what people told me I should do…

I don’t expect people to understand that decision right now, but I personally don’t want to model or use any part of my everyday life to define my career. I had a horrible relationship with social media, how I used it and what I became through it, is something I just simply can’t imagine ever going back on.

I don’t want my body or perfect lifestyle shots to be what I do on earth. Ironically it’s not because I look down on these careers… it’s more so that I simply don’t enjoy them. If someone honestly does, then rock on! You do you! Maybe be transparent about your self-timer and how you make money, but other than that do what you love! I just personally didn’t ever enjoy modelling or constantly editing my ‘perfect online life’. Again, just to be clear – it’s how I used social media, not how everyone else uses it. It’s how I felt online, I have no idea how anyone else feels.

I just want to enjoy my life. That’s all I could ever want… to be content and surrounded by people who get that.

So I’m going to work at a bar and work my ass off at this first book… whilst also planning fantasy novels (extremely nervous, excited and just passionate about that!).

To anyone who personally felt hurt by what I did, I am sorry. For anyone who felt I lied or manipulated people, I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I wish I could sit down with you and explain what I know and why I felt and said the things I did about the career I had… but I can’t, hence the book.

It was never ever my intention to talk about any one individual rather the culture of the celebrity status, specifically the social famous and how widely idolised they are. The people that identified themselves as part of that exaggerated ‘everyone’ I said in the viral video, they were not who those words were even intended for.

I wish they came to me personally.

But as a health professional helped me realise, ‘hurt people hurt people.’ And I can’t help but think how dangerous it is if you’re career is based largely on views, headlines, and scandals…

My name was of worth to them, obviously not my wellbeing.

I think what happened to me happens to countless others every single day.

To those who took pleasure in creating videos or articles mocking who you think I am or my intentions, you have every right to have your own opinion. But maybe consider that actively shaming someone online can result in dark things that I know no one would ever want for someone else. I had a strong family and I had a lot of help. Most people aren’t as lucky as I. If I could walk over to a balcony and gaze down… closing my eyes and thinking how easy it would be to just stop all of this pain… imagine all the people who actually do take that next step… all because of what someone foolishly typed on a keyboard.

When I was feeling low I found these stats from cyberbullyinghotline.com

·       42% of teenagers with tech access report being cyberbullied over the past year

·       Of the 69% of teens that own their own computer or smart phone, 80% are active on social media

·       7.5 million Facebook users are under 13 years old

·       81% of teens say bullying online is easier to get away with

·       3 million kids per month are absent from school due to bullying

·       20% of kids cyberbullied think about suicide, and 1 in 10 attempt it.

I just want to let you know I’ve struggled a lot the past month. I know no one wants to hear that. It’s not fun, pretty or stylish. It’s not even headline worthy. But it’s real life. And I know I am certainly not alone.

I am thankful for this experience. We all feel this struggle, it just manifests in different situations. I learnt so much about myself and through all the pain and self-exposure, it really did get me to the place I am now and making decisions about who I want to be, regardless of social approval.

To everyone who felt I treated them poorly, I apologise with all my heart. I never ever intended for that to happen. I am so so sorry for anything I’ve done to make someone feel hurt.

So to wrap up, here is the truth – I had a serious problem. I was part of a large culture that celebrates perfectionism and edited life ideals. I did things on social media (paid posts, constant perfectionism, planned shoots most days) that made my life look effortless, when for it’s entirety it was a business.

I had the problem. I was suffering. I shared that. It went viral. I had no control. I became a trend and a way to guarantee views.

For me the internet right now does not feel healthy.

I’m getting a job at a local bar.

I’m writing each day.

I’m seeing a therapist. I’m not ashamed of that and I encourage anyone if they feel down or are stuck in a negative mindset to seek professional help. People used to come to me for life advice… why? Because I was famous online? Slim? Pretty and adored? Spent my days frolicking on a beach or talking about yummy vegan food? If you have a real problem, seek real advice.

I’m rebuilding relationships with my family.

I’m making new friends and trying to reconnect with past others.

I’m trying my best to forgive, move on, make amends and to live a normal life.

I know normal isn’t even a thing, no one life is normal, but growing up social media famous, having everything just handed to me and relying so heavily on my exterior to get me through life… it never made me feel content.

I just want to enjoy my life.

So thank you for reading this, but please if I could say one last thing don’t idolise me. Don’t idolise anyone, especially personalities you view online.

I have got to the point where I’ve realised all I can control is my future actions and who I am in the present moment. I can’t change anyone’s opinion of me (good or bad) or what has happened in the past.

I can choose however how I learn from this.

I can choose to move forward.

I can choose to take responsibility for anything I’ve done to hurt someone. If it’s not clear enough, I am so deeply sorry if I caused you pain. That was never ever my intention. Whether you stalked my photos for three years, bought the clothes I was paid to sell you and felt depressed over my perfectly edited life, I felt so much shame over that façade, that’s why I made the dear 12 year old video… I became the very thing that deceived me as a young teen.

I am so deeply sorry if you invited me into your world and because I was so caught up in my own pain and self obsessed nature that I hurt you through that…

I am sorry to anyone that felt hurt by my changing morals. I don’t condone deceptive advertisement and outright lying about it. I never wanted those morals to make someone believe I had personally thought less of them or who they are, it was just about the action itself.

I am sorry to anyone who felt betrayed when I took down the site. I hit an extremely low point, the past caught up to me and I needed to process how I was feeling. It got really dark. I thought about donating the money as soon as it all went viral, as I never imagined it would turn into such a huge thing… I was scared to share those thoughts. One part of me was ‘use this money to make videos, build the website, to write the book’ and the other part of me said ‘this has turned into something bigger than you ever expected, you don’t want this pressure, you don’t even want to create content you want to write.’

I chose my wellbeing over what other’s wanted from me. It was the first time in my life I did that. It’s scary doing that. You feel selfish… weak even. But I think looking after yourself emotionally is so overlooked. I guess I had to experience the absolute lows to fully understand the importance of understanding and working through human emotion.

I believe that money is now in the hands of those who are going to make real positive change in our society.

Who I was in the past is not the person I wish to be now. We all make mistakes. We all feel lost, hurt, scared and confused. I was extremely open about that. What got me through all of this was thinking about all of the other people who want to speak up about something they believe in but know the backlash is a guarantee…

Once you put themselves out there, especially on the internet, everyone is freely able to poke, pull and stab as they choose. It’s not fun and no one can ever be fully immune.

I see it like this though. If you are given the opportunity to speak about an experience you know would have helped your past self, or your children or even the people you love… do you stand up and speak, regardless of what you think others might say? Or do you sit in the crowd as the viewer, poke fun, taunt and have an awful opinion on those brave enough to stand up?

I stood up. And I fell crashing down. I stayed there cold and curled up on the floor. It felt like I was chained there, defenceless while others watched from above, mocked, laughed, taunted and enjoyed seeing me so exposed.

Through all the time I was down on the ground, I am grateful. It was that pain that allowed me to start to stand up again.

The next time I speak, the next time you hear from me, I’ll be standing stronger than I could have ever stood before.

So thank you.

I only hope you’re okay, and if you’re not that’s okay too. Speak to people, confide in people you trust. Time heals and you are deserving of forgiveness and acceptance.

One Wild Ride

The much anticipated band au (seriously, you guys are the best) that I’m still not sure if I intended for it to be serious or a crackfic. Five chapters in total but that’s just the tentative layout for it that I’ve got working so it might be more or less but let’s just go with 5 for now. Special thanks to Rhiannon for reading it through and listening to me go on and on about this universe for the past few weeks (months? idek)

Also, I’m trying my hand at a new style of writing- sort of like an article/ journalism vibe- so I hope it’s not too bad

Chapter 1

Breaking News: Lily Evans and James Potter are not so secretly snogging. The internet is losing its shit.

Welcome ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary folk to what is the first of a five part exposé on the two biggest names in all of music right now: The Marauders and Lily Evans. One is boy band group that’s achieved One Direction like fame in the past few years, and the other is an immensely talented singer/songwriter who’s poised to take over the world one day. But now, on the eve of their respective world tours (the Marauders kick it off in Paris in one week, while Evans starts off in New York a few days later), we here at TIME feel it’s time to remind you all just how it all started and where they came from. From the nitty gritty beginnings- the broken friendships, nasty rumours and tears of all kinds- to the happy endings, I’m here to dig in deep. So buckle up kids, this is going to be one wild ride.

But first I guess I have to rewind a little to say, oh, about almost eight years ago.

Keep reading

Hello guys, I want to say is that it happens somewhere before Luna finished her work. It’s kind of AU-ish, but I was terribly desperate and never enough lutteo fanfics so

Here I am

Have fun, don’t hate. 

3 TIMES MATTEO DISTRACTED LUNA UNINTENTIONALLY
AND ONE TIME WHEN HE DID IT ON PURPOSE.

When Luna Valente thinks about it she finds it weird. Really weird, strange and suspicious that he is always there, somewhere in the background, when she is taking to someone. Or maybe she just started noticing it now, just like she is focusing her mind on his person. Not that he follows her, she doesn’t believe it, yet she catches him with her eyes everywhere. Weird, right? You know, why would she do that?


1/

Ambar is talking some really rude things, something about Luna watching her own business and staying away from Ambar and Matteo. It isn’t anything new, so Luna is just standing there. She feels the eyes of Ambar and Jazmin on her body and she decides to look everywhere, but not on the girls. Then she sees him.

He is leaning against the wall with a book in his hand with long legs crossed, dressed in his almost tight school uniform. She sees white, buttoned up shirt, tie in Blake South Collage’s color, his second hand is in the pocket of well-fitted dark jacket.

Luna almost sighs at the sight. Perfect student. He looks so concentrated with a little frown on his face. What is in that book? What a cute frown.

What the hell, Luna?

“Lunita, are you even listening?” Ambar speaks too loud for Luna’s opinion.

“Uh, yeah?” Brunette wakes up. Cool, you made yourself sound denser than you actually are, great job. 

“You weren’t, were you?” Jazmin asks her, making the blonde even angrier. But before Luna can open her mouth, Ambar attacks. 

“I will not forget about it, we will finish this conversation later, Lunita. You should be careful.” She flips her hair turning away and going to class.

Great.

2/

Luna and Nina are in the Jam&Roller and they are doing physics homework. It is nice, hot day, the place is quiet, only a few people around them, so the girls can focus on work. Nina is explaining some strange gravity thing and Luna keeps her eyes and ears on her, listening really cautiously until she hears a laugh. Very warm laugh. So she looks there, because come on, why wouldn’t she?

And there he is, talking to Gastón. It must be a really funny joke. He looks so joyful, so himself, with that charming smile and shining eyes. Matteo seems really relaxed and she relaxes too. Seeing him this happy makes her happy, but she doesn’t know why, like, he is just her friend, right?

She looks at him and wonders, why can’t he be like this with her? Why does he always tease her?

Suddenly she can’t see him. White paper blocks the view.

“Luna, are you there?” Nina asks looking very concerned. 

“Yes, yes, I’m here. Sorry, girl, could you repeat?” They share a smile. 

“Actually, I think it’s time for a short break.”

3/

She is on the rink with Simón. They are talking about new Rollerband’s song, about the lyrics and maybe they will make a video. She is so happy that he is fulfilling his dream, that he is full of passion and life. Luna looks at him and smiles.

It is her working time, so she checks the rink and oh he’s there.

Matteo and Ramiro are showing themselves new steps in the farthest corner. The second one accidently slips, but when she thinks he is going to fall, he steadies himself with the sigh of relief. Matteo laughs at him, telling something.

Damn.

He looks just like king of the rink should look.

In nice, lavender shirt with rolled sleeves and first three buttons undone and black skinny jeans. With untidy, disheveled hair, maybe after his amazing jumps or tricks.

Matteo suddenly looks at her and the world stops when he smiles. So she smiles back. He rises one eyebrow, but then he winks and oh god he is so…

“Luna, do you like this idea?” Her friend asks. 

“Yes, he is perfect.” She says almost dreamy. 

“What? Who?”

“No, no… I’m perfect… I mean… I’m okay.” Luna stutters. 

“Yeah, right, I have to go. We have meeting with some producer. Wish me luck!” Simón says and leaves her.

Luna covers her face with her hands.

She will die soon.


+1/

The situation is at least impossible and Luna Valente have never thought this could happen. She and Matteo, yeah, Matteo Balsano are working about her project in her room. On. Her. Bed. Surrounded by books. Her parents let them study there, but the door must be slightly opened just in case.

Yeah, like something would ever happen.

Matteo is explaining her the difference between planet and planetoid. It amazes her how smart he is, so she is drinking every word she hears, not that she would ever admit it to him. After research she already knows that planetoid is just an asteroid, yet she wants to listen him a little more.

He is focused on the topic, so his voice is calm, quiet and a bit rough and he isn’t making any fun of her. It is so rare to talk to him like that, she finds this moment incredibly intense, when no one is going to interrupt them anything could happen.

“What’s in your mind, chica delivery? He suddenly asks. 

“It’s nothing” She blushes. Oh God, he’s going to know it immediately.

“Oh, come on, I know I am.”

“You are so full of yourself, Matteíto.” Her laugh isn’t that loud. She thinks it would destroy the moment.

“Your head is full of me.” He smiles. “Focus, Luna, it is really important. Nina told me today you weren’t listening her, so let’s just do it now, okay?” It was your fault, stop telling me to focus on you, because it will end badly. 

“Okay.” She only pouted.

“So, come here, you need to see this in book.”

And he starts talking again. Luna hears a few words but then the picture in the book is so nice, and colors are really screaming for attention. No, focus.

It is so hard to study with Matteo. Why she agreed to do this? She is aware of everything. She feels how their knees are touching, because he sits with one leg on the bed and the second on the floor, and she chose cross-legged sitting. His voice isn’t steady anymore, there is something heavy in the room now. His arm meets her arm and she can’t do it anymore.

Luna moves her eyes from the book in front of them to Matteo’s face and she feels like she sees him for the first time. Why she wasn’t paying attention to him earlier?

His face is close. Very close. Too close.

All shades of brown mixing together in his irises, these long eyelashes, these three little freckles on his nose. He seems engaged to the text in the book, however spark in his eyes tells otherwise. Maybe he is saying something important, yet Luna can’t hear anything. She is looking at his lips now, his pale lips, moving with every word.

Luna knows they are as soft as it looks, but she wants to check again. Like, maybe it will be different?

He bites his lower lip. She is done now. She is sure he’s doing it purposely.

He must know about her staring, because he turns to her and smiles. With a bad, arrogant smile.

She closes her eyes. Wake up, Luna. Wake up now.

But it is too late now. She feels fingers on her waist and strong, warm lips over her mouth. She places her hand on his neck to move him closer and kisses back. He growls slightly at that move, making her smile.

This is the moment when Luna wonders if Matteo can wake her up from her thoughts like this every time.