am i the first to realize this

anonymous asked:

I am not sure if you will even answer this question because it's so weird. I don't even know how to ask it. I have re-written it multiple times. I think I have met the perfect guy. He loves Jesus and treats me like a princess. My fear is that I will be bored with him. Sexually. We are both virgins. But I have been exposed to porn and I am so afraid that our sex life will bore me. He is so nice and kind and romantic. But I sometimes have some wild fantasies. I'm sacred. I wish I wasn't like this

This is a VALID question. Please know that. Here is what I have had to realize: you cannot go into a marriage expecting him to know what to do sexually or expecting this amazing sex your first time around. Who knows? It may not even be enjoyable for the first few times. I have no idea! However, what I am sure of is that if my husband and I love each other and love God, then sex will be beautiful. Messy, yes. Confusing, yes. Painful, yes. But there will be a beauty in discovering it. There will be beauty in us finding a rhythm and trying to understand each other. How beautiful that we will be able to experience that together you know? If God is in it, how can it not be good? 

A relationship, especially marriage, is not based on physical. That is more like a gift that God gave us inside of marriage. Marriage is about laying yourself down for another person, and sometimes that means physically laying down your pleasure for the pleasure of someone else. It also means having tough conversations and learning each other. So, if when you are married, you recognize that your husband is not satisfying you, you will have to talk to him about why. And work through things together. You cannot expect him to know exactly what to do if you are both virgins. 

Ultimately, I would say that is the least thing to worry about when it comes to marriage. Pray for the Lord to renew your mind on this subject and discern whether you truly love this man and can marry him with all of the other difficult things you will face in marriage. Can you lay your lives down for each other? Can you love each other unconditionally? Do you strengthen each other spiritually? Does the other person bring you closer to Jesus? Do you have fun together? Are you both pursuing Jesus in your personal lives? If all of these things come together, and God is your foundation, sex will be good. Let go of your expectations for it and trust God to be in your marriage. 

General Note:

I know I’ve got some messages piling up in my inbox. Sorry. Know that I’m not simply ignoring you - but I am generally trying to use tumblr less until I’ve finished my first run of ME:A (which at this rate, could be a while, cause Jesus this game is long). I’ve had well-meaning followers accidentally send spoilers to my inbox before, not realizing that I hadn’t already played the part they’re referring to, so I’m hesitant to check my asks with any frequency atm. For a little bit, I’ll mostly be making occasional posts, but not interacting quite as much until I’m done.

First Timer of Yuri on Ice

So I finally am able to see Yuri on Ice (thank you after @gloster told me I should…Multiple times 😊 I’m like five episodes in and seriously? These boys are so freaking gay for each other…Do they even realize it? And Viktor has no concept of personal space when it comes to Yuri and the innuendos! Omg lol and Yuri, the way he describes how he feels around Viktor, does he realize he’s describing falling in love?….These two *sighs*

everyday I’m growing and I know I’m not perfect by any means at all whatsoever but man I am realizing I am good and I am love and I love myself. I think that’s by far my greatest achievement in life and the only thing is I don’t know why I started off not loving myself in the first place? there is love in my life everyday and with every interaction I have and I am so blessed and thankful. each day I want to make a conscious effort to be better and do good and to love more. I’m happy. I’m happy being me and loving me and being by myself rn. for the first time in a while I’m not really getting kisses or anything but I have never felt so much genuine love in my life than this period that I’m living in.

I am slowly learning that some people are not good for me, no matter how much I love them. I deserve someone who is gentle and kind, because my soul is getting tired. Realizing that I deserve something good is one of the first steps.
—  Michelle K., Why I Need to Say Goodbye To You 

My favorite part about this episode was that each gem and Greg all approached the situation with their own perspective.

Greg tried to relate Steven’s behavior to human things.

Garnet thought Steven was a fusion.

Amethyst thought Steven was just Rose shapeshifting.

Pearl thought Rose was trapped in Steven, and just wanted Rose back at first.

I am very glad that Pearl loved and cared about Steven by the end of the episode, squashing the theory that Pearl disliked and resented baby Steven.

They all tried to understand Steven through their own experiences and by the end they realized Steven is just Steven, no other explanation needed.


Book II: The Sea of Monsters, Ch. 12 / pg. 183

A year since the beginning of the end. I’ve learned a lot in that year. I’ll never let anyone manipulate me the way that you did, and I haven’t yet. I learned that sometimes losing who you could’ve loved hurts more than losing someone you have loved. I’ve learned that sometimes you’ll lose parts of yourself that are not retractable but that is okay because you’ll find pieces of yourself that you never knew were there. Life is messy, really messy. If you’re reading this you probably think this all sounds so generic but I promise in due time you’ll understand. People always say that the first person you should love is yourself. I always that I loved myself but I didn’t, and it took you leaving me to realize that. A year later and I finally understand what it means to truly love yourself. I understand that I am in no means perfect, but I am comfortable with who I am in every area of my life. I don’t need another person to fill the emptiness I used to have. I fill those spaces with things that I love and things that makes me happy and I suggest you do the same. It took me a year to realize that it’s not about relying on another person and that love is far more independent than we paint it to be. So believe me while healing is undoubtedly an uncomfortable process in due time you’ll become unaffected. It may have taken me nearly a year to realize that but by focusing on yourself and loving yourself you can mend your own soul, and you don’t need another to do so. You decide what thoughts you allow your brain to process, choose the healthy ones my dear.
—  pen-to-paper-bm, March 21

When you realize that the first genuine connection Yuuri and Victor had was during that dance on the night of the banquette and think of everything that came next and you see how perfect they were from the very beginning and you’re just sort of sitting there tearing up and clenching your chest.


You said I reminded you of the golden leaves from the tree next to your house.
At first I was happy about you saying that to me but then I realized that autumn isn’t your favourite season and so am I. 🍂🍁

To be brief, over a year ago I made a tone deaf post about the old testament and practices in it, joking that they were “barbaric” and “fucked up”, after watching a Malcolm Gladwell TED Talk about the story of David and Goliath, under the assumption that having been raised in a christian family and having a background with the stories gave me the authority to joke about them, and decide what was/wasn’t offensive to joke about in regards to them.

This wasn’t the case, and I’m sorry. I was then and I am now.
People made it clear they were upset about the post, and while at first I didn’t realize what made people upset, I realized shortly after, so I deleted the posts the same night they were made. At the time I didn’t have a lot of followers and I had never been in a situation where I would have had to apologize for posting something, so I just went about with my business assuming that I had corrected the issue and everything was okay.

Since then I’ve got messages every now and then from mutuals and other people asking about the post, and I apologize and tell them I understand why the post sucks, and why I thought it was even okay to post to begin with.

The post wasn’t made with any malicious intent, but without realizing I made key mistakes that made the joke seem antisemitic (Using the term “Abrahamic Faiths” as an umbrella term for Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and everything else derived from the Old Testament, along with focusing on practices that are associated with Judaism). I recognize this now and I’ve learned from it.

I’m not an antisemite, my politics lie on the complete opposite end of the spectrum from that. I understand why the post gives people that impression about me.

My preconception of being called out for something serious was that I’d lose a bunch of followers and my friends would be upset with me, but I’ve realized that just because that isn’t happening doesn’t mean people aren’t upset, and that they don’t deserve an apology. I would have written this much sooner if I had.

I hadn’t realized that people had been upset about it for as long as they have, I’m simply not very good at keeping my ear to the ground and staying on top of these things unless they’re happening right in the moment (I rarely check my activity and almost never check my tag), and for that I’m also sorry. To reiterate, I would have written this much sooner if I had.

My attitude towards being a “Big Tumblr Funnyman” has always been tempered with a bit of resentment, because I come here to make jokes with my friends and share stuff I find funny/cool, along with the things I’m working on and what I’m up too. I consider the blog a personal one, and I don’t like to consider myself a “public figure” in any sense. but the reality is I am, even if it is on a crappy blogging site, and because of that, even if I don’t know 99% of you, I owe it to you to explain myself and apologize when I’ve messed up.

To summarize, I’m sorry for making the post, I’m sorry for my lack of awareness, It was never my intention to offend anyone.


“I was able to realize that something like love exists all around me. Victor is the first person I ever wanted to hold on to. I don’t really have a name for that emotion, but I have decided to call it “love.” Now that I know what love is and am stronger for it, I’ll prove it to myself with a Grand Prix Final gold medal!” - Yuri!!! on Ice → Victuri moments [ep 1-5]



The only video you ever need if someone says to you, “Sherlock and John are just friends, there is no reason to believe otherwise”. These are just clips of the show. I honestly don’t blame people who haven’t noticed these things – I didn’t notice them the first time I watched the series and I am gay. It’s because I didn’t expect to see it, so I unknowingly put my blinders up and consumed the media without a second thought. I saw but I did not observe. However, the moment I realized it on my own, I felt the metaphorical glass shatter and I was overcome with shock. How did I, a gay person, miss this? How?? But now that I’ve seen it, feel it with every fiber of my being, I cannot “un-see” it. It’s like looking at the moon every night and then one day noticing it looks like there’s a face in it. You will see the man in the moon every time you look because you can never go back to that moment when you didn’t know it was there. That’s what BBC Sherlock is to a lot of people when it comes to queer readings. You either see it or you don’t. You’re either open to the idea or you’re not. But once you see it, you will never go back. So regardless of what the BBC, the writers, or strangers online say, this queer reading of Sherlock is felt by viewers around the world and that experience will never be taken from them.

Day Fifty-Five

-Thirty minutes into my shift, I had only been visited by one guest. This was comforting at first, but then I realized this was simply the calm before the storm. I am going to savor every minute of this Black Friday Eve Ever as much as I can.

-I found an elderly woman spending her morning toying with me. Each time I would attempt to step away from my register to take care of something, she would begin to approach me, only to walk away again once I returned. She spent a solid five minutes playing at this game, pretending to peruse the endcap displays, leaving me looking like a chump time and time again. 

-A woman stopped mid-payment to stare at the sky and remark, “I don’t know if it’s just me or if it’s everyone my age, but sometimes I just have to stand here and shout out my phone number.” She did not shout out her phone number at any point, leaving me somehow with more questions than if she had. 

-I befriended the single #1 most adorable baby in the history of the world. She emitted a very excited squeak as I handed her a sticker, eagerly repeated the word “dog,” clutched it to her face, and immediately fell asleep on it.

-An older woman sprinted into my lane in slow-motion, throwing her arms in the air as if praising a miracle and announcing to me that my wait has ended. I was waiting for something to change my life forever, and she was right. 

-I went to retrieve an abandoned cart left at the end of my lane, but just as I was about to start pushing it, the elderly woman who had been taunting me earlier in my shift jumped up from the ground to claim it, having been entirely unseen. Clearly, my store has a poltergeist who is far too committed to tormenting me and my too-tired-for-an-opening-shift self.

-A man became upset as he found that he had to use the chip reader. He adamantly refused to do so, telling me that “the Internet says chips are dangerous.” I attempted to reason with him, telling him that the Internet also says that the Holocaust never happened, but rather than seeing my point, he stared at me and told me that he already knew that. 

-From an adjacent lane, I heard a man tell the cashier that “Y’all here will never be Cracker Barrel.” He is not wrong by any means, as retail and dining are entirely different industries and it would be definitively wrong if our establishments were the same. Having said that, we would undoubtedly crush them in any competition.

I am slowly learning that some people are not good for me, no matter how much I love them. I deserve someone who is gentle and kind because my soul is getting tired. Realizing that I deserve something good is one of the first steps.
—  Michelle K., Why I Need to Say Goodbye To You
Day Seventy-Eight

-“I got… I got…. I got…”  a girl began, building up to something surely astronomical. “I got… TROLLS!” the girl finally announced, an enormous grin overtaking her entire face. I am glad that it lived up to all of the hype.

-A man walked towards me as I was stocking candy, not speaking a word, merely approaching me with his hands outstretched, handing me several boxes of Legos. Upon realizing this was not an offering, I questioned why he did not wait at the register where the light was on and the average person would have gone first.

-I believe that the world-renowned fashion leader Kenneth Bone has gone incognito and is shopping at my store, certainly preparing to present himself as our hero only to prove himself a villain once more.

-I rang up a man with a forehead larger than my future and eyes so deep they could have been a Jaden Smith tweet.

-I passed a copy of the National Enquirer with the headline, “George Michael: The Last Potato”. Later I realized that the headline was actually regarding the last photo of the man, not the last potato. This makes much more sense, but I stand by not questioning it after I noted what magazine it was.

-A woman slammed down her items and shouted, “Now you hold on just one minute, I want to check something.” I complied, expecting questions on sales or prices. Instead, she spent the next thirty seconds examining and digging around inside the waistband of her grandson’s pants. I hope that she found what she was looking for.

-I was asked the ominous question, “Do y'all participate in the chip yet?” I am becoming more convinced as time goes on that The Chip is a technocratic cult sweeping the nation, and that if we have not already capitulated, we will.

-In a magnificent illustration of things not to do at the checkout line, woman in her mid-fifties put me on Facetime with her husband. I was willing to give her a chance, but after confirming that she was not, in fact, married to Ryan Reynolds, I wish nothing more than to forget this encounter.

-The amount of people with thinning hair pining over my thick fluff is growing concerning. It is only a matter of time until one of them attempts to make it their own. I must start preparing now.