am i terrible for making this connection

10 Reasons I should play Isak in the US Skam Remake

1. Isak and I are virtually indistinguishable from one another. Never before have I so closely, intensely related to a fictional character. 

2. I can rock a snapback

3. I wrote, co-directed, and starred in a short film that won the Atlantic Youth Film Festival and went on to be featured at the Toronto International Film Festival High School Festival

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjC3oncA6g8

4. REALLY want a blonde Isak? I’m game

5. I totally felt a Natural Connection™️ with Tarjei AND Henrik when I got to meet them 

6. Trying to be straight™️? ME

7. I can cry. I mean, CRY cry. Ugly cry (but still look good) 

8. Do you see that picture of me and my boy squad in front of a castle? Yeah. #boysquad 

9. I’ve acted in almost a dozen plays, both through school and independently, as well as three short films, so I know what I’m doing, but am definitely an unknown. 

10. Sitting on a bench? Sign me up

BONUS: I would do anything to play Isak Valtersen. Julie and Tarjei were able to expertly craft this phenomenal character that helped me grow as a person more than I ever thought a fictional character could. When I watch Skam, I see so much of myself in Isak. I took the exact same Gay Test as him. I laid awake for hours wondering if boys I liked, liked me back. I awkwardly came out to my friends when they heard it from other people first. I dated girls to prove to myself and people around me that I was straight. My first gay kiss was ripped right from a movie, only I was laying down like Sleeping Beauty and he got down on one knee and kissed me. I understand Isak because I am Isak. I’m the scared, lonely, angry closeted kid who makes other people guess who I like because it’s easier than telling them myself. I know US Skam won’t be able to replicate Julie and Tarjei’s Isak, because it never could. Nothing and nobody ever could. I don’t know if US Skam will be good; some remakes (The Office, Shameless) are amazing, others (Skins) are terrible. I hope US Skam is good, because I hope other people get to have characters they connect with the way I connect with Isak. I want to play Isak (or Isaac?) because I want to do for somewhat else what Tarjei did for me. I will always be grateful to him. I will never be able to thank him and Julie enough for Isak Valtersen. 


If anybody important ever sees this and wants to give me a chance, I’ll be eternally grateful to you as well. :) 

The Storm

Summary: Bucky finds you during a power outage in the Tower.

Warnings: smut, angst (almost nonexistent)

A/N: I wanted to do something more poetic like so I wrote this and my clock is currently reading 4:34 am and for all I know this may just come off as pure gibberish. I hope it’s at least a little bit entertaining to read…


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I had a terrible day filled with very bad news and ended up doodling a whole bunch of power sigils to make me feel better. I figured sharing would be nice, never know who could benefit from them too. Please use them how you wish if you feel connected to their energy. Love to all and blessed be.

  1.  “I am Supported and loved”
  2. “I welcome opportunity”
  3. Growth
  4. “I am strong”
  5. Witch
  6. Teaching
  7. Success
  8. Faith

Taking a couple day hiatus to get back in touch with self, be back by 3/10/17. <3

janevonlipwig  asked:

Hi, I love your blog! Question: what do you think of Edward Ferrars? I feel as if a lot of people on the internet dislike him, but I can't see why. Do you like him as a character?

Thank you so much! :)

I think every Austen ‘hero’ has some flawed element about them which humanizes them. Certainly since we spend less time in their company than the heroines and, socially, none of the men are ever at risk of suffering the decline of genteel poverty if they do not marry, so altogether I’m less inclined to be as sympathetic to them as I am to the ladies they eventually wed. Of course Austen’s heroines are human and flawed, too, but it’s just made a lot easier to generally bash on the dudes because they have fewer excuses for being fuckups, honestly. (Except Emma Woodhouse, like, honeeeey STOP.)

I think the issue encountered with Edward is that he’s not as dashing as other heros, in the Austen canon in general, and in S&S in particular. There’s Willoughby to first compare him to–dashing. as. fuck. Then there’s the Colonel, who, though older and more reserved than Willoughby, has a sensitive and poetic soul, the true courage of an active soldier, and the deep passion of a romantic gentleman. Edward is dreadfully prosaic by comparison! And he was foolish enough to be ensnared by Lucy, at a young age.

It’s very easy to slag off Edward; and, as a lot of more sensitive young readers might more readily identify with Marianne sooner than steady, cool, rational Elinor, the temptation to agree with her judgements of Edward is immediate and powerful. Edward seems to bumble about the plot, inadvertently messing with Elinor’s feelings, and we despise him for putting her in the position she ends up in as a jealous Lucy’s confidante.

BUT, I gotta admit I have a soft spot for ol’ Ferrars. In his defense, he’s kind of perfect for Elinor, and that’s the point. Marianne has finite, naive, and shallow ideas of what True Love ought to look like, and writes off every other possibility as Lesser. Elinor doesn’t want High Drama and all that rot…she wants someone companionable, honourable, and kind. Of course she doesn’t escape being touched by the agony of love, because in a weird twist of ironic fate, she cannot wholly command her heart quite as well as everyone (read: Marianne) seems to think she can and does, and she and Edward experience their share of lovelorn misery thanks to misunderstandings and the constraints of duty.

Point The Second: Edward was very young and naive when he engaged himself to Lucy. He later admits that he very quickly realized how awful an idea this was once he’s gone and lived a grown-up life around literally any other people for even a short period of time; and it’s only because he was a young man, kept idle, in the company of a pretty girl determined to make herself pleasing to him, that he made a foolish promise. His misery has been low-key ongoing before he even appears on the scene in the book. His grim acceptance of his eventual fate as Lucy’s husband prevents him from even letting himself think of Elinor as a possibility–he honestly doesn’t believe himself to be attractive enough a prospect, and figures he is not exerting himself to please as a man might attempt to please a woman to gain her regard, because they just get along in a friendly way and they’re sort of almost family, after all. In this weird grey-area limbo, disaster strikes and they both find themselves caught up in their affections before they realize what’s going on, and before they can stop it. Should Edward have been more guarded? Possibly. But again, Elinor’s coolness of manner and level-headedness is well-known to all her friends and family. In the style of Jane Bennet, Edward might have felt his heart unfortunately involved, but may have doubted Elinor’s returning his feelings in the same fashion.

Ultimately, Edward’s mistake in attaching himself to Lucy is no worse than Marianne’s attaching herself to Willoughby–and better, for Lucy and Edward don’t even really love one another, so there’s zero heartbreak in their eventual split. And Edward’s honour and chivalry go a long way in absolving him for some of the inadvertent crap he pulled. Eyes wide open, he knowingly severs ties with his mother (and his inheritance) to keep a promise made long ago, in error, to a girl he cannot even respect, because he knows how cruel and damaging it would be to her if he were to give up the engagement, once it was made public. Such promises, even held in secret for years, were a huge deal, and to break them could have even meant legal repercussions–though given the Steele’s comparative poverty and the Ferrars family’s money, it’s likely they could have bought their way out of any suit brought against Edward in the courts by Lucy. No, Edward sticks it out for honour. It was wrong to make the engagement, but it would be even more wrong for him to be the one to break it. Lucy is the only one who can release him from it, and, thank fuck, she does.

A common theme in Austen is the danger and misery of marrying without affection–and, in several cases, the worst marriages are the ones where there is not even a shred of respect between spouses. This would have been Edward’s willing fate, and though it breaks our hearts to think of so strictly denying oneself happiness, it’s a sign of how deep his personal convictions are, and how admirable his sense of self-sacrifice, to keep his own terrible, foolish promise. Certainly, in intentions, Edward was more than ready to pay for his mistake for the rest of his life.

If Elinor is willing to forgive Edward, I certainly am, and I think, by the end of it all, Edward has certainly suffered just as much as Elinor, (even, I think, partially believing that Elinor might be likely to go on to marry the Colonel, mistaking their friendship for some deeper connection,) and was prepared to suffer a great deal more, in marrying Lucy, that his quiet bravery and steadfast honour make him a hero worth liking.

ID #93388

Name: Spence
Age: 17
Country: United States

I’m one of those people that loves getting mail, and what better way is there to achieve some connectivity? I am a rock climber, and an avid outdoors enthusiast. I play guitar, and I love reading about philosophy and political science. I would love a pen pal to dialogue with, and make good friends with. Musically I’m pretty open, and I’m super in to photography.

Preferences: 17+ is preference but I’m not picky. I’m heteroflexible and an avid supporter of the LGBTQIA+ community. If you’re racist, sexist, or any of the other terrible ists, don’t contact me.

Kingdom Hearts sentences!
  • There are hearts around us everywhere we look… And it does not take superhuman powers to see them.
  • He has touched countless hearts.
  • He has accepted them, and saved them.
  • What’s his name?
  • His name is…
  • What’s happening?
  • Don’t worry about wonderboy here.
  • You be careful now…
  • You made me so much stronger, thank you.
  • This… Power–
  • Please, help me –
  • Anyone can fly!
  • You’re a fool.
  • You would’ve been wise to do the same…
  • Look at the stars…
  • Every light must fade.
  • Look out!
  • Every heart, return to darkness!
  • Go on, you just keep running – But I will always be there to bring you back!
  • This ends here!
  • Stop!
  • Foolish apprentice of a foolish man… 
  • Will there be such a way to make it so you won’t go away again?
  • But I wonder… How do I say goodbye to myself.
  • I’m out of time…
  • One who knows nothing can understand nothing.
  • You sure things are better this way?
  • This world has been connected… There’s so very much to learn.
  • I’ll come back to you… I promise! 
  • Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red…
  • Don’t worry… You don’t have to go anywhere.
  • Forgive me.
  • I did terrible things…
  • Only now have I truly won.
  • I am … Sorry.
  • Don’t wait – ACT !
  • Well hello there… [Name].
  • Why do I always get stuck with the icky jobs…
  • I’ve decided that I have to go back to where I belong.
  • Everybody thinks their right.
  • They’re gonna destroy you!
  • Please don’t hold back… Promise.
  • What’s your problem!?
  • You both think you can do… Whatever you want. Well i’m sick of it.
  • Why… You gotta cause me so much trouble… ?
  • Where did I think I could go… 
  • What a joke.

anonymous asked:

23, with the Shika Twins (Not romantic, obviously)

We talk in the dark as we fall asleep,
and we are objects in the night sky
outside of time.
(it is the exact opposite of alone.)

(Remember To Sleep)

“It’s been a while,” Shikamaru says, once the table has been cleared, the two of them washing up afterwards just as they always have ever since they were old enough to be given chores.

Everyone else has relocated to the living room with little plates of dessert and cups of tea, Naruto exclaiming flattery over food he can’t really taste.

“Yes,” Shikako responds simply enough, and tries not to break the glass between her soapy hands.

Not that it would be difficult–she’s not the one with the cybernetic arm.

“You don’t have to keep punishing yourself,” he says, “It wasn’t your fault.”

Shikako bites back the denial, the frustrated honesty that wants to sting, wants to make herself miserable even at the cost of her brother’s happiness.

“Okay,” she says instead, still light and terribly brittle.

Shikamaru sighs. It’s resigned more than frustrated–he’s beyond the temper of his teenaged years. “I’m glad you joined us tonight.”

This, at least, is not a controversial statement.

“I am too.”

///

(Dreaming of Sunshine Switch by Lady Hallen and Fragile Dreams)

“We have a little brother,” the woman who both is but also isn’t his sister says, “Kinokawa Nara.”

“After mum’s family,” Shikamaru responds, the connection coming easily: the recent appearance of one family member made researching the rest relevant. How many secrets have been kept from him? How many siblings is he missing?

“Bingo,” Shikako says, smile gentle and warm. He wonders if she’s like that with the other him. Her actual brother. Or if it’s just because of the age difference. “He likes you better,” she says, “though he’s in his terrible twos now, so I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.”

The calculation is easy, but he doesn’t want to get his hopes up without confirmation.

“It’s not time yet,” Shikamaru leads, hesitant but still eager to know, “he hasn’t been born yet.”

Shikako’s expression falters, slightly, perhaps realizing the extent of the desperation in his tone, on his face. “Things are different,” she hedges, “Your parents are different people. Have experienced different things. They may not…”

They may not want to try for a third child, after losing one already.

“… Alternate universe. I certainly don’t remember meeting a time traveling version of my sibling.”

And, of course, Shikamaru is an only child in this one.

~

A/N: OH MY GOD, THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT WHAT YOU WANTED, ANON, I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS ANGST.

ANGST, EVERYWHERE. WHY DO I DO THIS? T_T

Dreaming of Sunshine Switch is by Lady Hallen & Fragile Dreams and is about DoS!Sasuke and Shikako swapping places with canon!Sasuke (and no one because there is no canon!Shikako… OR IS THERE?)

It’s full of deliciously sad Nara family feels and I just recently reread it, so it was very much so on my mind.

Number + Character/Ship + (optional) AU –> my ask box

[If anyone else wants to do a softer world prompt that isn’t on the list, you can just send the page id number for the original comic instead.]

hi hi hi everyone! i just wanted to give a small update about my shoulder. turns out i’ve got torn ligaments and i apparently almost tore off the joints connecting my arm with my shoulder :( so yeah, i’m down for the count. also, i’ve reached over 500 followers and i love each and every one of you. thank you so so much for following me because i am terrible but you guys always seem to make me feel better, so is it alright if we have a sleepover tonight? just talk to me and let me talk to you, because i am super down and i need some people to talk to.

it’s been less than a year since I made this blog and I honestly never thought this would happen let alone have it happen so quickly. I don’t even think me writing out this little post could accurately express how I feel. like guys, 15,000 people..that’s like a mini stadium, a tiny country, the number of calories I eat in a day :’)

no okay but seriously, though I had been following bangtan for a while I never really thought about making a blog about them. but with the pressures of school I really needed an escape from it all and tumblr was this quiet place for me. a place I could come to and just forget about all the pressure and stress while I thirsted after namjoon and yoongi. and with the encouragement of those around me I decided to make this blog. even though I had run two other fandom blogs before this one, I never thought a fandom could be this welcoming. I felt right at home, memeing since day one 

through these past few months I have made some amazing friends I would have never had the chance to meet if it weren’t for this little bangtan blog. I trust and lean on a lot of them to help me through hard times as well as sharing some of the brightest parts of my life. many wouldn’t and could understand that even though we have met online only a few months ago, I feel I have known them for so much longer. meeting people in a shared fandom is honestly an incredibly special thing because you tend to meet people with similar interests, personalities and terrible humour making it so easy to connect with them and bond over things you might not normally be able to with others  

I’d really like to thank all of you who follow me and put up with my thirsty ass always crying, writing long posts about all the boys, having long and interesting discussions with me about all kinds of subjects, sending me lots of love and support if you see I’m going through a hard time, liking and reblogging everything I make no matter how shitty, talking to me and generally being interested in who I am???, coming to me for life advice, tagging me in all namjoon and yoongi posts, sending me random posts you think I’d enjoy, drawing fanart  and most importantly shipping the one true cannon ship #sabjoon 2k17. you guys all mean so much to me and it genuinely hurts to be away from you all whether it be because of school of or those time I travel I always feel like I can rely on you to make me smile no matter the situation

okay this is long enough and bless you if you read it all below you’ll find 99% bangtan 1% multifandom blogs, all a+ would recommend quality

your local sugamon hoe~

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Soulmates

request: Obi-Wan with padawan!reader, soulmate!au were soul mates are not against the Jedi code, where they meet when reader is little and it progress from there and it’s cute and sometimes it’s hard as well but overall just fluff through the years until reader is old enough and love

a/n: I’m very sorry that I didn’t get much done this weekend, I’ve been helping my grandmother with her dog, as he is very old and in very poor health. I will try to write more this week! Thank you all for your patience!

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anonymous asked:

Hey I'm also kin, but lgbt people have pride month, because of a long history of oppression. I feel like having a kin pride month would be insensituve. Maybe instead we should just always be proud to be kin and support each other, you know?

i understand the reluctance because of mogai pride, but speaking as a trans queer individual, i am terribly, deeply sorry that my kin pride month idea has come off as disrespectful of insensitive to mogai. here’s the thing:

mogai and otherkin are separate phenomenon (though there is naturally some overlap) and our experiences aren’t comparable. “pride” is just a word that means “i feel good and confident about who i am”, and its not meant to make a connection between mogai and kin, and no appropriation of the mogai community is intended. kin pride month has nothing to do with mogai pride month.

otherkin are not taken seriously and are given a lot of hate and harrassment on this site. that is not me comparing kin to the mogai experience—i am not saying that otherkin are oppressed/targeted/hated in the manner of mogai people at all. kin hate is simply a fact that in and of itself has nothing to do with homophobia, transphobia, genderphobia, etc.

we deal with lots of negativity on here and i think it’s important for kin to feel safe and loved and confident being who they are without having to worry about being hated on tumblr. this is a tumblr event, not meant to interefere with the world scope of mogai pride at all.

my motivation behind kin pride month and the ideology behind mogai pride month are separate. the purpose of kin pride month is to drown out the hate. to fill the tags with positivity and love so all the antis and their screenshots and their hatred get lost in the flood of support and happiness for being who we are as kin. that’s all. it’s not about comparing our experience to mogai—it’s about standing up to harrassment experienced by kin on this website. one month to generate kin positive content and feel comfortable in our own skin on tumblr. i don’t think that’s so bad.

if there’s anything else you’d like me to explain further, i’d be happy to.

kigozula  asked:

PASS THE HAPPY ALONG! When you get this, reply with five things that make you happy and pass along to ten nice people. <3

Okay, five more things…

  1. I have a lot of really nice friends I connect with on many levels, and I’m definitely happy about that. It’s nice to know people really do care about you.
  2. My mom. I mean, it’s generic, but she’s sitting right there and I thought hey, why not? xD I’m a lucky daughter, I know I am because I’ve heard more than enough stories about terrible mothers as it is… I’m grateful that I have a seriously wonderful mother.
  3. I ordered a Sokkla shirt from @capricornicis and it’s already being sent! I only hope it arrives safe and sound, but I’m seriously ecstatic about it!
  4. Shania Twain’s new single (and new music in general, though there’s only two new songs to listen to, so far). It’s seriously a happy wonderful song I can’t seem to get over.
  5. Coming up with new ideas and projects to create more and more content for my OTP!
sense8

I am still posting and I am still furious. Actual diversity, not just as an afterthought. Or lip service. Main characters. I suppose I am just sick to death of reading bitter rants about how everything is terrible and human beings are inherently terrible and there is no hope, no love, no justice, no future, no safe place that we can create a life in that does not entail having to hide forever. Being angry takes a lot of energy.

Along comes a show that is both breathtakingly beautiful (on so many levels besides the surface) as well as eloquent (it spreads messages of connectivity and hope and not in an affected or maudlin way), something that makes you realize that separation is an illusion, that we should not allow fear to rule our thoughts and actions, that we should all help one another.

And it is canceled.

Meanwhile, there is plenty of aesthetically crafted garbage (how many horror and crime shows do we really need?) out there where women, queer people (yes, I said ‘queer’, a much-maligned hard won inclusive term), and poc are murdered, abused, neglected, given tiny storylines, very little dialogue, or else are marginalized by being portrayed only through the warped lens of someone else. 

And then, you come on here and the self same people who praise the garbage are ranting about social injustice. Really? Are you even listening to yourselves? How about living what you preach and not making excuses for the bigoted crap that you read/watch/buy/support. (I think that those other shows would possibly(!) make me less irate if variety were allowed. But we don’t get variety. We get pessimism and helplessness. Over and over and over again.)

I know we are all supposed to be oh-so-polite and to respect other peoples’ choices, but what you choose to support and gaze at says a lot about the type of person that you are, but more importantly how you feel about your fellow human beings, including yourself. I am through making excuses. The garbage will keep being cranked out if we encourage it and do not demand something better, and support media where actual representation exists without limits. 

Our news, our quality of life, our personal (lack of) freedoms are everywhere controlled. Sometimes all that we have for solace are the plays/books/etc that have allowed humanity to give voice to controversial and important topics concerning the governing bodies (the same ones that have lorded it over most of us for millennia, let’s be real) that seek to dictate our thoughts, feelings, actions in order to keep us afraid and keep us in our place. 

I’ve seen narrow-minded, fearful, scornful people and I’ve seen the sort of person I hope that I am and that I aspire to be. 

Yes, this show was that important to me. It gave me hope.

Yall: *uses in-depth A+ writing skills to analyze every single detail and connects everything to the last era and explains how this is all a foreshadowing and comes to conclusions that no one else thought of but they still make a shit load of sense*

Me: so there was some music and some things happened and taehyung went sploosh sploosh and everyone was laughing but then some other things happened and then jin was like :( so I was like :((((

Immortal YA Characters talking about their Feelings
  • Manon Blackbeak (Throne of Glass): What are these *feelings* I don't understand??? I've been a cold, heartless shell of a witch for the past hundred years. How am I supposed to form attachments to people now???
  • Kahlen (The Siren): You might be better off not making connections to people because you'll grow apart as you don't age and have to watch everyone you love die.
  • Rhysand (A Court of Thorns and Roses): Or you could just screw with everyone XD
  • Rowan Whitethorn (Throne of Glass): Terrible, those are all terrible ideas!

anonymous asked:

A black woman making pillow art would have to work twice as hard (understatement) just to reach the recognition you could achieve. Your angsty feels about the art world are still and always will be privileged in comparison.

I completely acknowledge and understand that I have more privilege and am more likely to find success bc im a white woman and that’s fucked up and terrible, the most talented people should succeed not the whitest or the most connected or the ones with the most money but the system is set up for the most privileged to succeed and I hate it and I don’t know if I can be a part of it and essentially contribute to these inequalities existing tbh

The BBA: Past and Future

Hey everybody!

First off I’d like to say thank you very much for following - you are my very first blog followers, and I am flattered that you are interested in what I might have to post on here.

One of the reasons I never had a blog before (besides being inherently terrible at keeping up with stuff, even basic human tasks like laundry and dishes) is that I was never quite sure what I’d say.

I think the majority of people know my name with its connection to The Blackblood Alliance, so maybe it makes sense for my first post If I explain a little why I discontinued the project in the first place, and now why I think it’s worth picking back up again to run in a new direction with it.

The first book I ever bought for myself was White Fang. I read the shit out of that book. And I always was a fan of sequential art. Calvin and Hobbes was an enormous influence on me (I mean wasn’t it for everyone?) and one day, around 17 years ago I started drawing my own adventure comic. I didn’t have any “real life” friends, but I had internet friends (yeah, i was on the net super young) and so I brought us together on the page. And oh yeah we were dogs. Because dogs.

Notice that this is page 92. Every day I would sit there and just draw whatever came into my head. No planning, no “plot”. I eventually started to bore myself with coming up with “ok who pops out at them after they spend a few panels walking and shooting the shit?” and dropped it to entertain myself with god knows what other weird passion struck me at the moment.

I spent a few years doing “funnies” for small local publications, like the highschool newsletter and the Newsletter of the dogsledding organisation I was involved with.

“Stumpet and Meep” was about an obsessive white pomeranian with a dark imagination who was in love with her owner. “Kaltag” was about friendless, clumsy sleddog who is terrible at his job and collects Last Place trophies because Hey It’s Something.

The vast majority of these were 3 to 4 panel strips and are lost to the ages (probably for the best, I have always been terribly unfunny) but here are a couple that I still have.

In the one above, I found that I quite enjoyed the more “serious” panels of Meep’s world as a wolf. So I thought maybe I should explore that.

I grabbed stack of printer paper and a pencil and sat on the bed and again, no plot or ideas or plan, drew this:

At this point I had a Deviantart account so started posting this up for my (again internet) friends who played Furcadia and were also interested in wolves, and the rest is history.

A while later, a reader did some fanart for me. I liked it so much (especially her beautiful environment painting) that I asked her if she would like to team up with me. Together we redid my old pages to make some prettier stuff. For comparison, here is one of the last pages we produced:

We were definitely producing something that looked pretty good, if I may say so myself. I was never ashamed at how our work looked. But as we went along I became aware of a fatal flaw in the work: I was still writing page-to-page, flying by the seat of my pants. No real plan for anything that was happening. No arcs for any of the characters. Readers waited for sometimes MONTHS for the next page, most patiently, some not, because I was wringing my hands trying to decide what was going to happen on that page.

At this age - I think I was around 17 or 18, I was really impatient with fans and critics alike. I snarked at people who copied my designs too closely and I’d react defensively to criticism. I’d also be outright rude to people I thought were stupid. My public persona stirred up enough dirt that a small pocket of vocal haters cropped up, and then grew. Someone made an Encyclopedia Dramatica page about me, someone went through and altered all the speech bubbles in the comic in a parody, and people were trolling my Deviantart daily, telling me how terrible I was and wishing cancer upon me, etc etc. Amidst all this though, there was always a large number of people who just straight up liked the work and just wanted to see the next page, but somehow I tuned that out and only seemed to notice the hatred.

Offline I was dealing with social anxiety, bad relationships, an eating disorder, and dropped out of college. When my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer I left my job too. The online pressure on top of all that was getting to be just too much - I was avoiding facing the internet - didnt check email or deviantart or my forum that I’d started where hundreds of members roleplayed in my fantasy wolf universe. People were trying to get a hold of me saying the moderators I had in place were doing crazy stuff to eachother, not to mention just tons of member drama I didnt understand, didnt know how to solve, and just didnt want to deal with.

A typical artist, my greatest fear is of failure. Things weren’t looking too good, I hate myself, everyone hates me, my work is headed nowhere, so why try? Failure is embarrassing. Better not to try and no one see your face, no one know your name, no one see your ugly messy attempts than to try and fall short and be shamed.

When my mother passed away, I lost any stability I had in my life and just broke. I was stuck in a deep mire of depression and never touched comic work again.

Blah blah ok enough life story bullshit. Im not writing any of this stuff to be felt sorry for by the way. I think a lot of people experience things like that - it isn’t anything special. I just want you to know why I suddenly stopped a project that a lot of you I presume had some sort of interest in. So there is all is, the honest truth about it.

In short though Ive spent the 5 years getting my shit together. I think I’m finally there, in a good place.

So what does one ideally do when youve found a good place? Do what you love, I think. And I really love making comics.

I considered starting an entirely different universe, in a different time period with different characters that were different animals. And yeah, I still want to make animal comics, not people comics, because I like talking animals and there aren’t enough of them in comics and graphic novels. Superheroes still dominate.

But even if I didn’t like the story details, I always liked the Blackblood Alliance world, and I think thats what other people liked too. Abandoning that forever seemed sad. So I decided that it needed to be what I worked on next.

I can’t just pick up BBA where I left off because I want to make something that lives up to the high standards I hold myself and my work to. I see clearly now that The Blackblood Alliance’s production was flawed, and I can’t unsee that. It needed direction. I’ll spare you the details but I learned a lot about the value of planning, organization and direction from my last job. I think I can apply what I’ve learned to a new approach for The Blackblood Alliance. 

And I’m not gonna lie, the constant outpouring of support from lovers of the BBA is where I draw a lot of my confidence, inspiration and motivation to continue its development.

I am very flattered that after all these years, you are following me and still have interest in seeing what happens next.

On my DA I will be chronicling the visual concepts and storyboards for BBA production. I will put those things on this blog as well, but I will also include more in-depth writing regarding planning and development process. I will always be open to questions, criticism and feedback, so feel free to contact me through DA. 

Thanks again for your continued support. I dont know where’d I’d be without it!

~Kay

What Serves You?

June 4th 2017

4:14pm

I’m very lucky. I was reading about this strong brave girl Kayla Mueller, who died while under captivity of ISIL. Despite the eating disorder, despite suffering, despite the fact I think I’m allergic to soy milk and I had to leave group because of abdominal cramps, I am grateful. I’m not just grateful I’m not in the terrible circumstance Kayla found herself in, I am grateful for all I have. Grateful for the food, my countless opportunities, my friends and the kindness that has been granted to me.

Though I had to leave the group due to insufferable cramps, I still managed to complete the activity.  The circles of emotions we go through.

Here’s what I discovered:

Level 4: I see two people making connections and fostering relationships, or someone says something quite brilliant and amazing, they may or may not get noted on it, and I am jealous.

Level 3: I think: “Why do they have that connection and I don’t? Why is she better than me? Smarter than me? Why can’t I be the best? Why should she succeed?!” I am angry.

Level 2: I wish I was like that, I wish I had that. I feel ashamed of my perceived inadequacies. I feel sad.

Level 1: I must love, appreciate, and look after myself  in order to accomplish my goals, live in the moment, and be my best self. I need unconditional love, support, and care for myself.

I wish they talked about this in school. Today we went around the group and talked about our goals and what we’ve archived. Be it try a fear food, or brush our teeth. It took a long time because afterwards we all went around and said nice things to each other. I tried not to shy away from compliments. Things like I’m a bright light, have lots of energy, a great presence, and a nice balance between humor and getting deep. 

We’re so harsh to ourselves. We suppress frustrations and see feelings of anger, disappointment, heart break, as something that must be “endured”. Especially in high school we tend to accept feelings as fact, or simply act them out through catharsis rather than ask “why?” what’s not being addressed?

“Your angry Tommy? Go throw a ball around.”

“Your angry Tommy? Is it because you feel upset that your grades weren’t what you wanted and you shared them with your parents and now they’re lashing out at you because of three C’s and a B- when all you really want is to play a upright bass in a band and you wish for their acceptance and unconditional love?” 

Is that is Tommy?

I don’t know, we just need to be mindful.

One of the very malnourished girls is maybe leaving tomorrow. Tattoo girl asked us to stop talking eating disorders history while she was doing a puzzle with others. 
Standing up against triggering talk was one of her accomplishments last week and she was congratulated on her kind but firm way of doing it today.

We should really take time to explore ourselves and our emotions. 

I don’t want to be some crazy hippie society where every negative feeling you get warrants a sheet to vent your frustrations…. that could turn into a mind control thing too. “You’re angry the Supreme Regime because they’re taking away your free speech? Fill out this form and maybe try replacing those angry thoughts with rational thoughts like “The Supreme Regime feeds me and houses me. All hail.”  Nothing like that. It’s just good to ask why

Understanding your emotions, and filtering thoughts and actions that don’t serve you and what you want to achieve does nothing but make your stronger.

I understand your anger at the Supreme Regime though, and you know what action would serve you? Revolution.

anonymous asked:

How do you feel about James Potter? Personally I just can't see the appeal.

So I’ve talked about James many times, I hate having to be negative again, but okay, let me just settle this so you all know where I stand, and that will be enough of James talk on my blog.

So yeah, I don’t like James as much as a lot of other people do. I definitely CAN see his appeal, James IS appealing: he’s cool, smart, handsome, rich, genuinely in love, dorky, an extremely good friend, caring and loving, heroically courageous, etc etc.
But, man, his arrogance, his ignorance… he’s just one of those people that taunt another and think that it’s just an innocent joke that could in no way affect anyone. Bullying for his own amusement. I know he only bullied those who, from his perspective, deserved it, who were against what he believed in, but I’m a diplomat, and I find it personally difficult to accept that as an excuse good enough to justify bullying. He’s too full of himself. I don’t approve of a lot of things Snape was and had done, but I can see why he was bitter. I’d be bitter too (and I am!).

Sirius is the same way, and that’s why he’ll never be one of my favorites, but I still find him very appealing because he’s an outcast, he’s different from his family, he’s broken, in a way, and his life was a bloody mess, which makes me feel so sorry for him and appreciative of how, after going through so many terrible things, he still finds a reason to smile. Meanwhile, James is gone, and we didn’t get a chance to learn more about him, and so I can’t find it in myself to connect with him from what we know. I don’t actually dislike him very much, he is a good person, he never meant bad, but I can’t and probably never will be invested in him and genuinely supportive of him. He’s just a kind of person who I would have to but wouldn’t want to be around in real life, in school, and that’s why James doesn’t inspire me.

And I know I probably sound butthurt, but yeah, I think I am. I’ve never really been a bully victim myself, but I’ve seen other people’s identities being ruined by “innocent” jokes like James’ (because they begin believing those jokes), and it offends me personally. Just because a person is more easily manipulated doesn’t mean you have a right to take advantage of that for your fun.

Of course, I’m not comparing James to the more morally ambiguous, more “evil” characters, but I’ve never personally met people who are “evil” in my life, while I have encountered “James'es,” so that probably makes me a tiny bit biased, but I hope you can understand why.