am i stupid for realizing this only now

To Be Afraid

|To Fall| |To Find| |To Be In| |To Rediscover| |To Yearn|

Member: Jungkook

Genre: Angst/Fluff 

Word Count: 5086

Summary: Love. It’s a strange thing. It can either make you the happiest person in the world or the most miserable. You don’t know when it comes or when it goes. Sometimes it’s not returned and sometimes it is. We don’t know how to deal with it, but we still yearn for it.

A/N: so 5000+ words happened. I started writing it and it seemed alright, but then I feel like it just go dragged on. I don’t know… Lately I feel like I’ve been lacking a lot in my writing so please let me know what you think about this. 

(also sorry for not being so active with updates. school is starting to get hectic again TT) 

Originally posted by donewithjeon

They say that three time’s a charm, but is it really?

The first was in high school.

You were a part of a tightly knit group. The four of you spent all of your time together; going out on weekends, working together in group projects, hell, you even grew up together. Like all cliche movies, the group consisted of two boys and two girls. Almost naturally the four of your grew attractions for each other. This group of best friends soon became a living, breathing, double date. Of the two couples, you and Jimin were the first to get together. He was your everything. He was your first. Nothing could ever replace the emotions that that relationship brought to you.

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Angsty Bojack Horseman Sentence Starters
  • “The most important thing is, you got to give the people what they want, even if it kills you.”
  • “You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me.”

  • “Life is a series of closing doors, isn’t it?”

  • “Am I a good person?”

  • “That’s the problem with life, either you know what you want and you don’t get what you want, or you get what you want and then you don’t know what you want.“ 

  • “There’s nothing for you behind you. All that exists is what’s ahead." 

  • "Family is a sinkhole, and you were right to get out when you had the chance." 

  • “I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.” 

  • “You didn’t know me and then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.” 

  • “Closure is a made up thing by Steven Spielberg to sell movie tickets”.

  • “We’re just two lonely people trying to hate ourselves a little less.” 

  • “I don’t think I believe in ‘deep down’. I think that all you are is just the things that you do.”

  • “You were born broken, that’s your birthright.”

  • “You know what your problem is? You want to think of yourself as the good guy.”

  • “you’re a selfish goddamn coward who just takes whatever he wants and doesn’t give a shit about who he hurts. That’s you.”

  • “You know, it’s funny… when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

  • “I’m sorry, alright? I screwed up, I- I know I screwed up.”

  • “You can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay! You need to be better!”

  • “You are all the things that are wrong with you.”

  • “Fuck, man. What else is there to say?”

  • “We’re not doomed. In the great, grand scheme of things, we’re just tiny specks that will one day be forgotten.”

  • “The only thing that matters is right now, this moment, this one spectacular moment we are sharing together.”

  • “I don’t understand how people… live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.”

  • “He’s so stupid he doesn’t realize how miserable he should be. I envy that.”

  • “It’s not about being happy, that is the thing. I’m just trying to get through each day.”

  • “I can’t keep asking myself ‘Am I happy?’ It just makes me more miserable.”

  • “It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are and even longer to see it doesn’t have to be that way.”

  • “When you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you. It’s not you, you tell yourself. It’s that bad thing you did.”

  • “It’s so cruel to let people love you. All you’re doing is promising you’ll one day break their hearts.”

  • “One day, you’re gonna look around and you’re going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.”

  • “There are some people you can’t save. Cause those people will thrash and struggle, and try to take you down with them.”
  • “ Hey, I wanted to talk to you about… you know. I feel bad about what happened.”
  • “I don’t forgive you.”
  • “No. I’m not gonna give you closure. You don’t get that. You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it’s never, ever going to be okay!”
  • “You have to believe me. I did everything I could.”
  • “I had a good life, but what I needed then was a friend! And you abandoned me. And I will never forgive you for that.”
  • “Now get the fuck out of my house!”
  • “ Look, I’m sorry about all the stuff I said about you earlier.”
  • “Do you… do you think it’s too late for me? I mean, am, am, am I just doomed to be the person that I am? “
  • “I, I, I need you to tell me that I’m a good person.”
  • “I just wanted to tell you that I know. I know you want to be happy, but you won’t be… and I’m sorry.”
  • “ What more do you want? What else could the universe possibly owe you? “
  • “I want to feel good about myself. The way you do. And I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can.”
  • “If you ever try to contact me or my family again, I will fucking kill you.”
  • “ You can’t just disappear. You really hurt a lot of people.”
  • “In this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make.”
  • “It’s so sad that when you see someone as they really are, it ruins them.”
  • “You like being there to rescue me. Because it makes you feel good about yourself.”
  • “ You know that I don’t do the whole love thing. Either you end up hurting someone or they hurt you. So what’s the point?”
  • “ Uh…. Oh, god, I’m drowning. I feel like I’m drowning.”
  • “Hey, we have all done shitty stuff before. Most of us aren’t as proud of it as you seem to be.”
  • “It doesn’t get better and it doesn’t get easier.”
  • “I can’t keep lying to myself thinking I’m gonna change, I’m poison.”
  • “I come from poison and I have poison inside me and I destroy everything I touch. That’s my legacy.”
  • “I have nothing to show for the life I have lived. And I have nobody in my life who’s better off for having known me.”
  • “You’re gonna wanna kill yourself, and there’s going to be no one left to stop you.” 
Disposable pt3

Being friends with benefits with Min Yoongi can be complicated (at best) by itself. But when you accidentally tell your family (and his boss) that the two of you are dating, things get messy.

Part 1, , 4

You made a series of excuses to get off the phone with Namjoon before curling up under your covers and wishing you hadn’t gone out the previous night. Namjoon insisted that he meet your boyfriend, and you agreed to have lunch with him out of desperation to make him stop talking (it didn’t help that you ran out of reasons not to go). You had lots of friends who were men, surely you could ask one of them to pretend for a day. 

You wracked your brain trying to remember what had happened, but all it was doing was making your headache worse. You weren’t thinking straight and you knew it. You needed coffee and a cold shower.

Your phone was still buzzing every few seconds, and you finally looked at the other messages. 

“Since when are you in a relationship??” 

“Wow he’s cute!! How have u never introduced me!?”

“Never knew you were the secretive type! How long have u been seeing him?”

“You’ve been seeing a hot guy and u never thought to tell me?”

You groaned. All of the messages were from different people, various friends and coworkers. There were more texts that you didn’t even open, you suspected they all said about the same thing. You opened Hani’s message again, sending a quick “What did I apparently tell the whole world last night?”

She sent a picture in response. It took you a second to register what it was in your hungover state. It was a screenshot of a snap, captioned with “Cutest boyfriend ever!!”

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Cheating x Soonyoung

Genre: Angst
KPOP Series Game // Seventeen Series Game // Mobile Masterlist

Originally posted by visual-17

8:34 pm

“I’m gonna be a little late tonight, boss gave me her paperwork to do, I’m sorry oppa.”

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Good Boy! (a Credence Barebone Imagine, NSFW)

Originally posted by glamboyl

this was requested a lot and to be honest Credence deserves a sweet boyfriend and nothing else! 

plot: you watch credence handing his flyers out every day, destiny brings you closer

warnings: smut, kind of a dom!reader, sub!credence 

Enjoy my angels!  🌹 🌹 🌹

‘Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! I want to play with you! Mum got me a new teddy! Wake up! Wake up! Mum and I are going to visit uncle Berny! Come with us, please!’, your little sister Rose shouted directly into your ear.
‘Go away, Rose! Please! I don’t want to visit uncle Berny!’, you mumbled back and put your pillow over your head, trying to dim the noises she made. You felt the curly haired girl climbing on your back.
‘OUT! NOW! Or I’m going to set your teddy on fire’, you shouted at her and she disappeared from your room in a matter of seconds. You loved the little ball of sunshine dearly but she could be a real pain in the ass for her brother.
You dared to open your eyes, the cold white light shining through your window. A quick glance at the alarm clock told you that it was 6:30! What an unholy time to be awake on a Saturday, you thought to yourself but got up nevertheless. Not because you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again, you loved sleeping and you can sleep literally everywhere, you once even fell asleep at the Christmas dinner while your posh aunt started to talk about her new poodle. The reason why you sacrificed your sleep was something, or better said someone very special. You stretched your whole body, letting out a deep moan and turned your face to the window. No surprise that he already stood there, handing out his flyers. You went over to your cupboard and got your grey bathrobe, which you threw over your body lazily. Reluctantly you stared at your mirror. You looked horrible, the circle under your eyes darker than the night, your hair looked like a nest. You were glad the boy couldn’t see you like this and you could spy on him from the safe distance of your room.
In tired manner you made your way over to your desk, the wooden planks under your body squeaking. You sat down and got your drawing stuff, which consisted of some papers and a pencil because the money was short and you didn’t want to bother your mother about drawing utensils. You took in a deep breath and looked out of the window. There he stood, his dark hair and pail face hidden under a hat. In his usual clothes, his hands gripping on the leaflets. Only a few people passed him, at this time there wasn’t much traffic on a Saturday morning. And those people who did, weren’t interested in his flyers and all they did was shooting him dirty looks. It was heart breaking but you didn’t know how you should help him. You couldn’t even apologize to him when your sister once ran into him while you were playfully chasing her.
All you could do was staring into his dark and lost eyes, while you helped him picking up his papers. You remember the incident all too well, it was the closest you have ever been to him and he looked even better than from your window. You remember your cheeks flushing when one of his hands slightly brushed over yours. Your sister, who knows people way too well, immediately got a hang on what was going on in your mind and ran into the house. You chasing her, letting the boy alone because you knew what would follow. The small beast, how you lovingly called her, shouted through the whole home: ‘Mummy, Mummy, (y/n) has a crush on the Barebone boy! He loves him! His cheeks are all red! Mummy, Mummy, (y/n) wants to marry him!’
‘Stop!’, you remember shouting in desperation and you couldn’t help the hot tears running down your cheeks. Your mum found you standing in the entrance, your face buried in your hands. Rose still announcing her message.
‘Shut it, Rose!’, your mother said calmly and pressed your head to her chest.
‘It’s okay, (y/n), it’s okay’, she stroked your hair, ‘I couldn’t care less who you have a crush on and let’s be honest; Credence really is a good looking boy.’
You couldn’t help but smile at your mother. As a single mum she didn’t have a lot for you and your sister. She didn’t have a lot of money but she did have a huge amount of love and she made sure that you knew, how much she loved you. She was welcoming your sexuality and the topic hasn’t been discussed since then.
While you were thinking about the first real encounter with Credence your hand glid over the paper with your pencil. It wasn’t even a challenge anymore for you. You drew him so often, it felt like you knew every inch of his body, a sad excuse for your desire of touching him but you just couldn’t wrap your head around how you, a gay atheist could ever win a boys’ heart, whose mum is the most religious person in this whole damn city.
All this musing had you hot and you opened the small, slightly dirty window in front of you. Unfortunately, you underestimated the wind and before you could even process what was going on the drawing flew out of the window down the road. Much to your disliking exactly in front of your model.
‘Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!’, you repeatedly cursed running towards the door. You basically jumped down the stairs, grabbed the door and ran towards the boy, not bothering leaving the door open and not bothering only having a bathrobe on and being naked underneath. The fresh morning air hit you but you didn’t feel a thing. The heat of embarrassment storming through your body kept you warm. It seemed like everything stood still when the Barebone boy picked up the paper in front of him and turned it around. His eyes widened and he looked around roaming for the source of this drawing until he met your desperate look. You stopped running and let your shoulders fall. You couldn’t have imagined a situation worse than this.
‘I- I am sorry, I know I’m a freak. I didn’t want it to show it to you, you know I opened the window and then-. Uhm, I really wish but I can’t argue that that is you on the p- paper but ah-.’, you stuttered, your voice getting more quiet with every word you spoke.
The boy in front of you took a hell lot of time staring at the paper and not saying a word. He literally observed every detail, his finger brushing over the graphite. He finally opened his mouth, you had already shut your eyes close, thinking of all the names Credence was going to call you. However, he didn’t. He didn’t say one bad word. All he asked you, still staring at the paper: ‘Can I keep it?’ It was almost inaudible but he, the most beautiful guy you’ve ever had laid your eyes on, wanted to keep your drawing. The adrenaline filled your head with stupid ideas and you were stupid enough to turn them into actions.
You strutted over to the boy, forcibly grabbed his face and kissed him, kissed him hard. He jumped under your touch and you immediately pulled away from him.
‘God, I am so sorry! I didn’t want to-. Aaaah, please just forget what just happened’, you asked him to do and already made your way towards your house.
A tiny ‘wait’ made you stop and turn around.
‘I think I liked it’, Credence declared whispering, his dark eyes literally begging you for more touch. His submissive behaviour making you bite your lip. Only now you realized that people were watching you and you pulled the confused boy into the entrance of your home and shut the door behind you. You were unbelievable glad, that your mum and sister weren’t here now. Your heart was beating so fast, it threatened to jump out of your chest. Nevertheless, you decided to go easy on Credence. You noticed his flinching when you kissed him before. It was weird, it wasn’t like he was taken by surprise, more as if he was shocked that someone actually touched him.
Maybe he just hasn’t been with a guy before, you thought to yourself. Remembering your own first time. You were going out a lot and for a young and pretty boy like you it didn’t take long finding someone who was willing to sleep with you. You had countless partners in that time, always wishing it was the boy in front of your window who you were touching. And now he stood in front of you, impatient and scared at the same time, waiting for what will happen next.
As you decided to take it easy on him, you brought your hand to his cheek. This gesture alone made him gasp and letting his flyers and the drawing fall to the floor. You caressed his jaw with the palm of your hand, Credence leaning into your touch. You approached him and he closed his eyes softly. His long eyelashes fluttering. You ghosted your lips over his. Credences face distorted in pain, as he wished for more contact. You put your other hand to his neck and kissed him softly. The boy already melting under such delicate action. You couldn’t imagine his reaction when it would go down to the real business. Just the thought of it made you rock hard.
You put your forehead to his and stared into his eyes looking for something like lust. There was a lot of confusion and affection in them but you could feel how bad he wanted to too when he shifted even closer to you.
‘I need you to be a good boy for me now, Credence. Do you understand? I’ve wanted you for so long, I can’t promise you to be gentle on you when we are upstairs. Do you think you can take that?’, you questioned him and felt your inner dominant side showing through. The boy opened his eyes. He was clearly frightened but was willing to give it a try as he whimpered a quiet ‘yes, I can, Mister’. The fact that he called you Mister made you go crazy and you forcibly pulled him up the stairs and into your room. You took both of his wrists in one hand and brought them over his head, while you pushed him against the cupboard. Your lips were all over his face and covering his neck in hickeys. Credences eyes shut tight and he threatened to stain his pants already. When you recognized that, you couldn’t undress him and yourself faster. You pulled his tie from his neck and basically ripped his vest and shirt open, throwing them both across the room. You could see his pale chest raising uncontrollably. Not being able to properly realize what was going on you nuzzled your head into the quiet boys’ neck.
‘You are so pretty, I can’t even explain it to you. No day passes where I don’t sit at my window and stare at you. I can’t tell you how happy I am right now that you are here with me’, you smiled and Credences eyes got watery and his sweet hands started shaking. He had never experienced so much love in his life. He could make someone happy and he didn’t even had to do a thing. You placed soft pecks to the hickeys you’ve left early and the soft pecks turned into hot, wet kisses down his chest and stomach until you were squatting in front of him and your hands were already undoing his pants.
‘We aren’t allowed to do that! My m- mother told me this is a sin’, the boy told you and his big and surprised eyes looked down at you.
‘Nothing that feels so good could ever be a sin and now stay still’, you assured him and pulled both his pants and boxers down. To your surprise he was a well hung guy and you were impatient to finally please him. Your tongue found its way to his thigh and you started to work your way upwards. Credence was a mess under your touch and threw his head against the cupboard, you could feel his whole body shaking. You got up and pressed a sweet kiss to his forehead, your hands rested on his chest.
‘Relax baby! Let the tension go and just enjoy it, okay?’, your eyes found his and he gulped but soon his body calmed down a bit and you started where you left off. You slowly took him into your hand and pressed your lips to his tip. The bittersweet taste of the precum entering your mouth. You haven’t even started and Credences hands were already pulling at your hair in desperation. Slowly you wrapped your from the kissing swollen lips around his member and took him all in and let him adjust to the warm feeling of your tongue. It wouldn’t take long for him to come from now on so you quickly started working on yourself. Your hand found your own dripping member and wrapped your fingers around. You hand mimicking the motion of your head and you were so turned on that it wouldn’t take long for you to cum either. As Credence noticed what you were doing to yourself he gasped out loud, trying not to think of his mother as she caught him doing the same one time. The beating he got for it was worse than any he had gotten before but the memory vanished as he observed you. It was too much, all these feelings confused him to a point where he couldn’t hold the tears back. His orgasm building itself up in his body, desperately trying to get out
‘M- Mister, can I, can I please..’, he begged and you nodded at him urgently. As his warm liquid filled your mouth you felt your dick twitching in your hand and you released too. The boy leaning between you and your cupboard was moaning and crying at the same time. A bittersweet moment. You licked Credences rest, that you didn’t catch, off of him and got up. You had to hold him tightly to your body so he wouldn’t collapse on the floor. You brought his head to your chest and rested your chin on his head. Petting his head you whispered sweet nothings into the room as you listened to the boys soft sobs. You felt Credences tears running down your chest.
‘Why are you so nice to me? I- I didn’t do anything for you. I wanted to be your good boy and I couldn’t manage it. Why are you-?’, he desperately muffled into your chest, his arms around your chest so tightly as if you were about to push him away.
‘But you are already my good boy. You’ve been so, so good to me, darling! I mean’, you started laughing, ‘it doesn’t take more than you standing in front of my window to make my days better. Right now I am the luckiest person on earth, Credence.’
The boy in your arms couldn’t help but smile and shake his head in disbelieve.
‘Let’s get you clean, alright? After that we’re going to take a nice, long nap. You deserve it’, you ruffled his hair and brought him to your bathroom.

When your mum came home from Uncle Berny, where she left your sister because she wanted to go to the park with him, she was surprised to see hundreds of anti-witch flyers and on top a drawing of a boy, being spread out in the entrance. She quietly sneaked up the narrow stairs and through the gap of rooms door she could see her son and his crush cuddling in her sons bed, dozing peacefully and she smiled to herself and put the watercolours and brushes, she had bought for you, in front of the door.  

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Cody (asklevivoice), Michaela Laws


Let me explain: I was REALLY REALLY bored and my friends were talking about listener audio stuff so I decided to write some listener scripts. Suddenly, the word YANDERE came up and I could not help myself.

BIG GIGANTIC HUUUUUUUUUUUGE Thank you to Cody ( for voicing my Yandere!Levi script! Gunna be honest: He is my headcanon voice for Levi so when he agreed to do this for me, I went bonkers fangirl style. GO GIVE HIM SOME WELL-DESERVED LOVE.

Corporal Levi - Cody (asklevivoice)
Script/Mix by Michaela Laws


Enjoy~~~ (Follow along with the audio with YOUR script~)


YOUR SITUATION: You and Corporal Levi are romantically together! YAY! HOWEVER, Levi has called you to his office to talk about your interaction with Eren at dinner. Things get heated with his obsession over you.

(You knock on Levi’s office door.)

State your name and business. (You state your name and say that he called you to his office. You hear him walk to the door and see him open it for you.) Enter. (You walk in, but after a few steps, you hear Levi close the door… and LOCK it.) Sit down. (You try to ask what’s going on, but Levi interrupts you.) I said. Sit down. Cadet. I merely locked the door so no one disturbs us.

(You do as you’re told and hear him walk up around you to stand in front of you to question you.)

Do you have any idea what you were doing, cadet? (You look up at him, confused at what he meant.) Don’t play dumb with me. What do you think you were doing with the brat? (You ask if he was referring to Eren.) Yes. The Brat, Eren. What were you doing with him? (You still don’t understand and you say so, causing him to give you a little.. chuckle.)

You don’t understand?.. Heh, then let me help you remember. In the mess hall, today, you sat with your squad as usual, instead of with me, which I clearly gave you orders to do now that we’re together. I was going to let that go, but then you had to go and do something stupid.

Tell me, who did you sit next to? (It… was… Eren.)

(Suddenly Levi leans in to whisper in your ear.) So, not only did you insult me by not sitting with me, you had the gall to sit by the brat and have a good ol’ time talking to him, huh?

(Levi suddenly tackles you to the floor, hovering above you.) You do realize that I am your commanding officer, right cadet? (You say “Yessir” like the good cadet you are.) Then, as your commanding officer, I command you to never interact with Eren Jaeger again. This goes for all the boys in your trainee squadron as well. I don’t want ANY of them remotely near you and if I find any hint that tells me otherwise… (Levi leans in and whispers in your ear once more.) I will not hesitate to lock you in this room and punish you.

(You question why.) Why? Because I care for you and want you to be safe. Those boys are just a pack of wolves, just waiting for you to be vulnerable and weak enough to strike. I’ve seen you at practice. Every time you pair up with any of them, they always manage to overpower you. I am making sure they don’t, since you’re mine. I won’t allow them to dirty you with their filthy hands.. I love you and will not let you be touched by ANYONE, even if that means locking you away in here where only I can interact with you.

Do you understand, cadet?

You sat in the hallway outside of your new apartment waiting for the neighbor you were yet to meet to return home. You were hoping it was a guy who was willing to kill or at least get rid of the giant tarantula sitting on your kitchen bench. How it got there- you didn’t know, all you did know was that because of it you’d drop a box of your favorite plates and was now sitting outside on the cold wooden floor of your brand new apartment unable to settle in.

You glanced at your watch. It’d been about two and a half hours since you first spotted it and you were starting to wonder if your neighbor was even coming home. You thought about going downstairs for help but you figured she was about as useful as you when it came to giant spiders as the memory of running into her in the elevator floated back into your mind. She had a pair of six inch Louboutin heels, a fresh French manicure, and a Chanel purse hanging off her arm for crying out loud. You could’ve always asked someone else in the building but you didn’t want to make an embarrassing reputation for yourself quite just yet.

The clock ticked by, just about to reach the third hour when you heard the elevator doors ding open. You looked up and a bearded and very well-built man in a black sweater walked out. You couldn’t see his face because he hid it behind a navy blue cap and a pair of clear plastic Ray Bans sunglasses. Your head tilted slightly as you wondered why those sunglasses looked so familiar. You’d seen those exact pair on someone before, but you couldn’t remember who for the life of you.

The mystery man started to walk towards the door opposite yours. You watched him move, wondering if you knew him from somewhere; there was something about him that reminded you of someone. He was so busy texting he didn’t even notice you sitting on the floor until he tripped over your feet before you could move them out of his way. His head turned your way as you scrambled to your feet, you were about to apologize when he beat you to it.

“Sorry about that,” he winced. “I’ve been told I shouldn’t text and walk.”

Why does even his voice sound so familiar?

“It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have been obstructing the hallway.” You smiled and he mirrored it; you noticed how perfect his teeth was and how heart-fluttering his smile was. “Um- Are you living in that apartment?” You pointed to the door he was standing in front of, only realizing how stupid that question was after you said.

“Yes I am,” he nodded. “Are you the new neighbor?” He asked and you nodded. “I heard someone was moving in across the hall, I didn’t think it’d be a pretty girl.” He joked and you chuckled softly. “I suppose we’re going to be living out a cliché rom-con plot now that I’ve fallen for you.”

“What?” Your eyes narrowed in confusion.

“Oh my God,” he laughed and grabbed his left breast. “That was a really bad joke. Uh- I don’t- I was referring to the tripping and-” he rambled then pressed his lips together to stop himself. “You know what, don’t worry about it because that didn’t make sense at all.”

He’s cute when he’s nervous.

“So what uh- what are you doing obstructing the hallway?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you behind his sunglasses. “Are you locked out of your apartment? You know you can just go down to the lobby and ask for assistance, right? They’re very efficient here, pays to live in a high end apartment complex.”

“Um- actually uh- I was waiting for you,” you admitted then winced when you noticed him tense up.

“Look-” He suddenly didn’t seem as friendly as before. “I enjoy my privacy so if you want a photo and an autograph, I’ll give it to you as long as you promise not to tell people you’re my neighbor. I don’t need people swarming my front door.”

“No!” You held up your hands, trying to calm his nerves even though you didn’t really know what he was going on about. “I was waiting for you to help me kill a spider.” You said and his entire demeanor softened. “I didn’t even know if you were a boy or girl before I decided to wait out here so- whoever you are, you’re safe. I won’t tell anyone I’m your neighbor though I wasn’t planning to considering I don’t know who you are.”

“Oh,” was all he said.

“I can’t even see your face, man,” you chuckled.

“Right,” he pursed his lips. “Well- um- forget I said all that.”

“I would if I could,” you told him and he chuckled softly. “Now I’m curious as to who you are. From what you said I’m guessing you’re an actor. You do look kind of familiar but- it’s hard to tell in real life where I’ve seen you on the big screen. You all look crazy different in person.”

“Have you met many actors?”

“Enough,” you nodded and he waited for an explanation. “Don’t freak out when I say this but- I’m a journalist.” You saw him tense up again. “Oh my God,” you chuckled in disbelief. “I’m a journalist, not paparazzi. I’m more interested in writing about real things so you can calm down.”

“See I don’t know if I should be grateful or offended,” he commented and you laughed. “Well, since you have zero interest in me I might as well introduce myself.” He took his sunglasses off and revealed his face; your jaw dropped almost immediately. “I’m Chris Evans.”

Captain America.

You’re neighbors with Captain America.

Captain America is standing in front of you.

“I take that back,” he smirked at your stunned expression. “Perhaps you do have an interest in me after all.” You couldn’t find the words to respond, Captain America was your new neighbor. “So what’s the headline going to be?”

“If you think I’m going to share you, you’re insane.” You joked and he actually laughed. “Once again, Mr. Evans.” He made a face at that and you took it as a signal to use his first name instead. “I am a proper journalist, Chris. I don’t bother with celebrity gossip, at least not professionally.”

“But when I asked if you’ve met many actors, you said yes.”

“Yeah,” you giggled at his paranoia. “As a fan and not as a journalist, you dumb dork.”

“You’re calling me a dumb dork?” He scoffed and chuckled at the same time. “That’s rich coming from the girl sitting outside her apartment just to avoid a spider.”

“Oh,” you scoffed. “You want to go there? I am a fan of yours, Chris. I know you have a fear of spiders too and if you were me, you’d move houses instead of just sitting outside waiting for someone to get rid of it.”

“Okay, you got me there.” He said then laughed when you did. “But seriously though, have you ever pulled off your covers and seen one in your bed? ‘Cause I have and it was traumatizing.” You giggled. “I don’t know why you’re waiting on me ‘cause there ain’t no way I’m going in there. As pretty as you are, you’re not worth dying for.”

“Ouch,” you chuckled. “Can’t you just get your shield and help a girl out?”

“Hey, when beard’s out-” he pointed to his beard and you chuckled, “Captain America is off duty. I can call a guy for you though, get the place exterminated and cleansed so you’re good to move in without worrying about seeing one hanging out.”

“That means I’m going to have to haul all this stuff to a hotel,” you whined and he chuckled softly. “God, this is not a great start to a new beginning. I was so excited to get unpacked and have a nice hot bath in my new bathtub,” you told him and almost moaned just thinking about it.

“You’re more than welcomed to stay at my place until your apartment is ready,” he offered. “If I call the guy now- he can be here in like twenty minutes and be done by tomorrow. I’ve got a spare bedroom you can use, um-” he stopped talking when he saw how awkward you looked. “I’m being weird, aren’t I? I mean- we just met and I’m offering you a room in my apartment.”

“No,” you chuckled softly. “You’re being as sweet as I imagined you’d be,” you confessed and he smiled. “I just don’t want to imposed considering you like your privacy and have a serious fear of journalists. What will you do when I have to write? You might hover over my shoulder and make sure I’m not writing about you,” you teased him.

“Ha-ha,” he bit sarcastically. “Do you want a place to stay or not? It’ll be more convenient and a lot cheaper than a hotel.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s it cost?” You asked, completely aware you were using a line from The Winter Soldier. From the look on his face, you knew he could tell what he had to say next.

“A cup of coffee?”

“How about dinner instead?” You suggested with a smile.

He nodded then said, “see.” His smile grew wider as he continued, “I told you we were going to live out a cliche rom-com plot.” You stifled your laughter. “You know what, I changed my mind. I think I do like spiders after all 'cause they’re one hell of a wing man.”

Dumb dork.

Jealous and Greedy (Void!Stiles x reader)

WARNING slight non con, but not actual non con

”Stiles!” You snapped when you tried to get his concentration back to you. He had been waiting with you, in the hospital for a doctor to call you to a check up. He had kept quiet, almost as if he was moping, his head low, not looking at you the whole time you waited there. Scott was there too. And that was why Stiles was so pissed. You didn’t know why the two had become so distant, they fought a lot and they didn’t get along well anymore, at all.

It infuriated Stiles that you had called Scott to be your company at the check up. He wanted, no, he was supposed to be the one there with you. You two were dating! But since Stiles had become so aggressive, Scott had told you it wouldn’t be safe for him to company you if you would get bad news of your health.

You gazed at Stiles, who didn’t look back at you, then slipping your right hand on top of his, which he took a firm hold of. He squeezed your hand. You smiled slightly, a little bit relieved that he wasn’t that angry at you. But the harmony was broken too soon. You heard your last name being called, sensing Stiles’s body to tense and his hold on your hand tightening.

”Come on, (Y/n).” Scott said quietly. You got up, Stiles too, your hand still in his. You started walking, but didn’t get far. You tugged your arm, asking Stiles to let go, you needed to go. He gave you a sad look, he didn’t want to get separated from you.

”I’ll be back in no time.” You said, then kissed his cheek, feeling your hand getting free from his grip and you turned to leave with Scott. You reached the side of Scott, who was facing Stiles, his own expression weary and suspecting. You turned to look at your boyfriend once again, then noticing what bothered Scott so much. It was only now that it hit you.

Stiles’s dark glare and a wicked grin gave it away. He hadn’t used that hoodie in ages. Not after the nogitsune controlling him. That grey hoody, with lighter grey stripes with orange. And the sleeves rolled up over his elbows. He looked so much like Void. You could barely even see any of your boyfriend left in him when he looked like that. But the vision was soon over and his face softened. Then he gave you a silly smile, saying; ”I’ll wait you at the car.” Then he turned and left.

You turned too, to go to the doctor’s room, not even bothering to look at Scott, who probably wanted to discuss about what had just happened. You of course thought Scott was being overprotective and didn’t want to talk to him about anything. He was here only because you didn’t want to go alone, but instead of Stiles it was him that was with you. It was now bothering you more than before.

When you got to the car, Scott had left on his own, you were almost surprised Stiles was still there, in his car, waiting. His eyes were closed, you wondered had he fallen asleep while you were gone, even if you weren’t that long gone.

When you opened the door, then banging it close, Stiles jumped and woke up.

”What did the doctor say?” He muttered fast, he just woke up and was still covering from sleep.

You smiled at him calmly, then said ”It’s okay. It’s just migraine. Though I have no idea how it was so hard for them to figure out.” You said and fastened your seatbelt. ”Did you really fall asleep?” You smirked.

”Let’s just get away from here.” His voice had become harsh and angry. You wondered had he seen a bad dream or was he pissed you bothered his sleep. You felt bad now, and couldn’t wait to get home. You didn’t want to fight Stiles, but he became so easily frustrated and pissed by no reason at all that it tired you. Now you only wanted to get some rest.

”Why did you drive here?” You asked when he pulled the car to the spot where he always parked it. You were at Stiles home. His house didn’t have any lights on, it was dark and unwelcoming under the starlight. It had become very dark while you were at the hospital.

”I thought you’d like to stay over the night.” Stiles turned to look at you. You felt like it wasn’t all of the truth.

”I thought you were tired?” You said and took your seatbelt off.

”Tired of Scott protecting you from me…” He mumbled, but you were able to hear it. You rolled your eyes. It was ridiculous how jealous he was. It drove you crazy. Scott was his oldest friend and he knew very well he had no feelings for you.

”Your dad’s not home?” You suspected. Stiles smirked and nodded. ”Stiles?” You stressed not liking where this was heading.

”Did I tell you how much I hated Scott’s protectiveness over you?” He repeated, but this time a little more threateningly.

You sighed. ”Yes, you did.” You said but still not liking the idea. You were not in the mood of doing it tonight. ”But, Stiles, this is stupid! You know he was just, I don’t know, trying to make sure you wouldn’t lose it and that’s a good thing!” You tried to explain everything to him. ”You have to admit that you have been a little… How should I say it..? Angry and frustrated lately. You have hit yourself, and broke things, you even attacked Scott the other day!”

You turned to look at Stiles, he had been quiet and listening to you, but when you turned to face him you couldn’t help but wince at the expression he was making. You had never seen him look so dangerous. His eyes were dark, his stare cold.

”I didn’t give you a choice, now did I?” His voice was raspy, dark and slow. He looked at you, waiting, seeking for a reply for you.

”Stiles, this getting ridiculous.” You said and turned to leave the car, but Stiles took a hold of the back of your jacket, keeping you there.

”It is as much yours and Scott’s fault it wasn’t me in there with you. You let him take my place, and still, even though he has treated me bad, you are still on his side.” He growled. You turned to face him once again, but you didn’t feel scared. You were annoyed.

”I’m not on his side, Stiles.” You announced him. ”I am as angry at him as you are, and you know I believe you with that Theo theory you have! I’ve never suspected you with it! And I only let Scott come with me because I thought he would be nice, but I guess he still hasn’t forgiven to you. But you do realize that the way you act is not making it any better.” You glanced at his hand that was still holding you by your jacket.

”It’s his fault I am like this!” Stiles snapped. He pulled you closer to him. ”And with his stupid act of protecting you is only making it worse!” He then let go of your jacket. ”Now get out of the car and get in the house!”

”No.” You said and opened the door, got out of the car and started walking away from the house, heading home. You heard Stiles grunt, closing the car doors and locking them, then reaching to you, taking a hold of your arms and pulling you back.

”Where the hell are you going?” He snapped at you and glared you. You gave him a cold shoulder, trying to keep going but he pulled you closer to himself. ”I told you to get in the house.” He growled.

”And I said no.” You told him. Stiles glared at you with hatred and disgust, a look only void could make towards you, and you knew even then it was because of love and lust. You were in big trouble now.

Stiles took a hold of the sides of your face, bringing you to face him and then kissing you deeply. The kiss was rough, he forced his tongue inside your mouth, fighting for dominance and getting it. He had pulled you closer the house the whole time you kissed, then you felt your back hitting the closed front door. Stiles pulled away, grinding his lower section against yours and rubbing himself against you.

”Don’t-” You started but were stopped when he only pushed closer, roughly while smirking.

”Don’t what?” He smirked. His hands were around your waist, keeping you there, trapping you to his embrace while he grins at you. Then he pushed against you again, making you gasp. You tried to even your breathing then glared at your evil boyfriend again, trying to warn him you said: ”Don’t do that.”

Stiles only smiled evilly at you, he leaned his head close to you exposed neck, he had managed to rip your jacket to expose your right shoulder and now planted kisses and bites over the naked skin. He ran his tongue over your neck, getting higher and closer to your neck line.

”I will stop and take you inside when you beg me.” Stiles said but kept kissing your skin. ”But you need to beg me.” He had you trapped. You couldn’t possibly even think about going home after he had you turned you on and now going through his plan it was only the matter of time when you were too far gone to stop him. You knew you would lose to him and you hated it. You didn’t want to be the prey, you didn’t like it when he had you all figured out. You wanted to toy with him!

When he was busy with licking your neck, you sneaked your hand over Stiles’s thigh, getting closer to his groin, about to torture him a little in turn. Your hand was soon caught in a crushing grip, then it hit the door behind you, now pinned down, bot of your hands trapped by his strong hands and you could hear an evil chuckle leave his lips. He was now right at your right ear, a smirk spreading over his lips.

”This is my game, (Y/n).” He taunted. ”You won’t have any turns on this one.” He licked your ear, then pushing himself closer to you again, but you couldn’t hold it in anymore.

”Stiles…” You groaned. ”Please…” You gasped. You tried to free your hands, not even realizing how much it mattered were your hands free or held down. You needed to touch him, you wanted to busy your fingers in his hair but you couldn’t. He wouldn’t let go even if you tried or begged him. It wasn’t part of the plan, and you knew it would only get worse if you gave in, but at the moment you didn’t care, you just needed your hands, even for a minute.

”Stiles, I’m begging you-” You gasped again. You could feel his smirk on his face against you skin. He knew you would be giving in any time soon. And you did. ”Please, lets get inside.”

Right after those words leaving your mouth you felt Stiles getting off from your body, pushing the door wide open and pushing you inside. He took your jacket off, throwing it on the floor and then attacking your shirt. You kicked your shoes off, then let him take care of your jeans, kissing in between the stripping and walking closer to his room.

When you were there, Stiles pushed you on the bed, only taking his shirt off and then landing on top of you. You put you arms around Stiles’s neck, then trying to get into a sitting position, so you could get on top, but only to be crushed down under Stiles’s body.

”Stiles-?” You tried but he kissed you before you could finish. Then he started to go down your neck and you were able to speak again, only being interrupted by your own gasps and moans. ”What are you-” you moaned. ”I need to-”

”I’m on top tonight, babe.” He purred against your cleavage. ”And in the future too.”

”What is that supposed to-” You moaned louder than ever that evening, Stiles had pushed his finger inside of you, his thumb massaging your clit.

”I think you need to be reminded that you’re with me, (Y/n).” Stiles chuckled at your flustered look. ”We are a team now, there is no more Scott, no more pack. It’s just you and me. And you will stay on my side.”

You tried to catch your breath, you felt like there was some kind of misunderstanding. Of course you were on his side! You could never go against him.

”Stiles, I’m always on your side!” You gasped. He pushed in with more force. ”Could you stop for a second!” You snapped angrily, hating how he didn’t let you talk, making it impossible to you to defend yourself.

”This is your punishment, babe, you’re supposed to be quiet.” Stiles smirked, then pushing in again, making you moan. You swear under your breath, but weren’t able to say anything from that on. You could only listen to him. And take in all the pleasure he gave you.

”I’m not trying to control you, (Y/n)” Stiles said. ”I’m only twisting things a bit, to make this more enjoyable.” You didn’t quite catch the idea, but knowing how much the Void side affected him these days, you knew there was no need for reasons or a real sane pattern for his actions.

”But you know if you try to get close to Scott again,” He said threateningly. ”I will not stop there. I will make sure no one gets close to you again. You will forever be mine and only mine. Do you hear me?” You nodded but it wasn’t enough, he gave more power to his strokes and you moaned loudly, then crying: ”Yes, of course! Do what you want!” You yelled from the pleasure. Stiles smiled at you, then whispered to your ear, wickedly: ”Oh I will.”

I’m Not Dying Tonight

I saw this prompt and just had to write it! Plus I felt the need to write some platonic Tyler and Evan (the minicat & vanoo was just a bonus ^.^)

“I don’t really care that you’re cleaning your drug money in the laundromat, its 4am let me wash my fucking boxers.”

Warnings: Reference to drugs, guns & swearing.

The moment he stepped into the virtually empty laundromat and came face to face with an angry face glaring back at him, Evan knew his shitty day was only going to get worse.

This was the last place he wanted to be at four am, especially since he would much prefer to be at home- curled up on the couch with his boyfriend. It didn’t help that they’d had a fight this afternoon and Evan was just itching to smooth things over with Brock.

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I Can Wear What I Want

Originally posted by daenso

Request:  Hi I loved your producer scenario it was amazing xxx please do a scenario where you and Chanyeol are about to go somewhere and you’re wearing something quite “revealing” so he gets angry and you get angry because he gets angry? Thanks, sorry if this is too long, plus I don’t feel Chan is the type to slut shame…

Word Count: 2489


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The signs as things my friends have said at two a.m.

Aries: Am I the only one concerned with how much alcohol this dog has imbibed? 

Taurus: Why is the past tense of “grab” “grabbed?” Shouldn’t it be something more fun, like…I dunno, “gribben?” 

Gemini: I hope you realize that I’m not even a little bit interested. 


Leo: Okay, but…what if…what if we just…ordered like six pizzas…right now…

Virgo: Do anime characters know they’re animated??

Libra: God, your stupidity amazes me! It’s like a whole new level of stupid I didn’t even know existed!

Scorpio: Quitters don’t fucking quit. 

Sagittarius: *loud sobbing* 

Capricorn: Pineapples are so weird. I don’t trust them. 

Aquarius: See you next water time, you fucking assholes



Daniel Fenton and Samantha Manson is a ship adored by many. The ship that has been so often shoved down our throats by writers and cartoonists continues to fuel happiness throughout the hearts of Danny Phantom fans and nostalgic teenagers everywhere. However, there are a fair share of reasons why one might come to, dare I say, despise this ship.

From the first episode, we see that Danny, Sam, and Tucker are incredibly good friends. This is my first problem with the ship. Being a trio, Danny and Sam happen to leave out Tucker in numerous situations and events. Quite frankly, I believe that Tucker is an important character, both as comedic relief and as a main asset to the show. It saddens me to see Tucker left on his own as the writers continuously try to get everyone on the Danny and Sam train to Loveville. Tucker deserves more than a role as the classic third wheel.

In the second episode, Sam says to Paulina, “Danny is not my boyfriend. He’s my best friend. Maybe that’s why I was so hard on you.” She sounds completely genuine here, like she’s only concerned with her platonic relationship with Danny and nothing else. For me, this was the best scene for Sam. She goes downhill from here. People constantly pestering Danny and Sam to get together is no romantic relationship at all. Before Danny’s ghost powers and the first few months that he had them, Sam wasn’t interested in Danny at all. Only after he starts to keep his powers in check and is becoming more powerful does Sam show any interest, hinting that Sam is biased to Danny’s hero half rather than Danny himself.

In Prisoners of Love, when Tucker suggests that they go inside and help Danny, Sam’s response is immediately, “What, are you nuts?” This really bothered me. It suggested that Sam would rather keep herself safe than save one of her friends.

Now, I’m not saying that I was entirely against the two during the first two seasons. Though I wrinkled my nose a bit during Fanning the Flames and rolled my eyes at those extremely awkward blush scenes, Sam was a strong female lead and I could accept her with my small ghost child.

It was the third season that crushed any hopes of me being happy with them together.

During this season, Sam goes through no character development. She loses that previous rebellious streak that I could get behind and rather settles on the mother figure, constantly pestering Danny about the stupid things he does and urging against anything potentially dangerous or rebellious. She becomes his boss, telling Danny when and where to use his powers. Granted, she did this before the third season, but it really shined through in the last one. What happened to the old Sam? She acts completely different and seems much more annoyed at Danny and Tucker throughout the entirety of the third season, and I, personally, blame that on the fact that Butch Hartman only worked on one episode in the entire season. If this personality change for the worse didn’t put someone off, the writers shoving the relationship down our throats more forcefully than before might. Kind of a, “Accept this ship because we’re putting them together at the end and we refuse to have anymore romance diversity. Only Sam.”

Okay, so let’s say I did brush that off my shoulders. Let’s talk about Phantom Planet, then.

First off, I’d like to state that the last episode was a complete train wreck. Next, I’d like to point out that Sam is absolutely terrible to Danny. Though it was a stupid decision (and, quite frankly, something that didn’t make any sense, but that’s besides the point), Danny was happy without his ghost half. He wanted to hang out with his friends and keep them safe. Someone else was protecting the town so he did something that made him happy, and Sam was completely rude to him as soon as his ghost powers were gone. This also hints that she only liked Danny for his supernatural abilities.

“Do you realize what this means?” He asked after losing his ghost powers, completely ecstatic.
“Yeah. That you’re just an average, everyday, “not special” human again.”

Yes, granted it was a stupid decision, but really? Did she have to be so cruel about it? At least Tucker offered a, “I’m happy for you, man.” before walking away.

Now let’s look at the next conversation between Sam and Danny.

Sam: You’re not you anymore! You’re just a … normal kid, and a selfish one at that.”
Danny: How am I selfish? Because I don’t want to endanger the people I care about the most?
Sam: Danny, don’t you get it? Your powers gave you a chance to change things. A chance that
no one else had, and I was thrilled to be helping you, but now you’re just one of the
crowd again.
Danny: What’s wrong with that?
Sam: Everything! You got to fight ghosts after school while other kids fought acne, and you
don’t really seem to care about what you gave up.
Danny: I care, it’s just … I care about you and my family more.
Sam: When you had your powers, I knew this town was protected from evil. But know … who
knows where we’re headed. I’ll always be your friend, Danny, and I’ll always be there
for you, but I can’t live life just sitting on the sidelines. I’m surprised you think you can.”

If anything, Sam was the one being selfish. Yelling at Danny for doing something that made him happy? Absolute nonsense, especially since in Memory Blank she could’ve turned herself half-ghost instead of pressuring Danny into the role.
Sam suggests that now that Danny is full human, there’s no chance for something bigger between them.
Sam has no regard for what happened in The Ultimate Enemy, where Danny almost lost everything and everyone he cared about, which also influenced his decision to become human once more.
Sam might’ve had a good point here in saying that it was a stupid decision, but she doesn’t seem to care about Danny’s opinion on the matter.
She said that Danny isn’t Danny without his ghost powers. What was Danny before his ghost powers? A potato?

And here’s the part that really gets me.

Sam: *in regard to Danny being a halfa again* Danny, it’s you! Well, it was always you.”

??? So all’s forgiven now that he has his powers again? You’re just going to pretend like that never happened and go back to being romantic towards him? Okay. Also, again, she suggests that Danny wasn’t Danny without his ghost powers.

Danny and Sam’s relationship just wasn’t well-developed. Their relationship was handled in a terrible way and seemed so forced. It was unrealistic and ridiculous.

Many might consider the scene where Danny is flying with Sam in his arms is where Sam realized that she might actually like Danny. It was so out of place and awkward, and, might I add the little detail I mentioned earlier, he was in his ghost form. To further discuss this, the only moments Danny and Sam seemed to share were when Danny was in his ghost form. Sam is in love with Phantom, not Fenton.

There’s so much more I could pick at. Sam doesn’t seem like that good of a friend, much less a girlfriend. Needless to say, I do not despise people that ship them. It’s the most popular ship in the fandom and there’s not much I can do about that matter. I just feel like a lot of people push away the facts in exchange for an unrealistic relationship. I prefer Valerie and Danny, but that’s an essay for another day. She just has so much more character development and makes the point of caring for her friends and liking Fenton for who he is as a human. Sure, she didn’t know about Danny’s ghost half, but then again, Sam didn’t start liking Danny until he got his ghost half.

I hope this opened your eyes a little on the subject. Don’t yell at me.

                                                     The Medic

Request: “Hello dear! Could you possibly do Kylo starting to fall in love with a medic that patched him up after one of his trantums (aka severe lightsaber burns) and he is kinda cruel and intimidanting to her because he doesnt understand his own feelings and why he can’t pass a day without seeing her and why does he desires so much to protect her from everything. So the reader is fed up of his behavior and denies giving him medical attention and he realizes he has fucked up if he wants her to be his. ✨”

A/N: Thank you for the request, anon! This one was pretty fun to write, tho it sounds a bit cliché at the end…hope you all enjoy! Remember, requests are open! [GIF NOT MINE]

Warning: A few cuss words…

Word Count: 3.3K+


The sound of scattered footsteps and low buzzing snapped you out of your studies–well, reading–checking over a few reports that were due in a few hours. Today was like any other day: check up on a few stormtroopers who were in the ICU, batch up a few wounds from another set of stormtroopers, read files and reports, enter data to your logs and yadda yadda…it was quite easy in your eyes, you lived for working in the medical wing. But what you did not live for were burn wounds–preferably those caused by a lightsaber.

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Me: *enters the Murdoc tag*

Some smartass who thinks they’re the next Einstein or something even though this is the 500th time someone has pointed this out: Uh guys ACTUALLYYYY Murdoc’s cross ISNT EVEN SATANIC!!! he’s not even a PROPER SATANIST AND HERE’S WHY!!! LIKE Why is Murdoc wearing an inverted cross like he kNOWS THATS NOT EVEN SATANIC RIIIIGHT? xD here is a pic of the REAL satanic cross! lol I am so smart for knowing this thing that everyone already knew and pretending like upside down crosses arent strongly associated with satanism in pop culture. Am I the ONLY one who realized this? xDD? ?111!!one??1!!eleven1 Murdoc is so stupid.



      “What was he now? Only Bran the broken boy, Brandon of House Stark, prince of a lost kingdom, lord of a burned castle, heir to ruins. He had thought the three-eyed crow would be a sorcerer, a wise old wizard who could fix his legs, but that was some stupid child’s dream, he realized now. I am too old for such fancies, he told himself. A thousand eyes, a hundred skins, wisdom deep as the roots of ancient trees. That was as good as being a knight. Almost as good, anyway.”

So I did some thinking...

… about my recent obsession with Jillian Holtzmann. Yes, it is because I just saw Ghostbusters, but simply watching something never makes me fall in love with a character. What makes me fall in love is who the character is.

Jillian Holtzmann is an awkward, highly intelligent, nerdy, gay chick who loves to dance. She invents these crazy things like it’s nothing. She’s sassy, quirky, and funny. She sits how she wants, says what she wants, and does what she wants. She is completely comfortable being who she is.

Then you realize that she doesn’t fit in the box society has for women. She’s a nerd, but not in the “I’m a nerd but I’m hot and lovable” sense like most mainstream movies play women out to be. No. She’s a “I just invented this thing, let’s go out and fuck shit up” nerd. She’s gay, but not sexualized or made to be some guy’s token gay friend or to be in a relationship. Nope. She just is, and they do nothing with that information. No jokes, no gay based story lines. Just a gay person existing. She’s super intelligent, and the movie treats it likes it’s just another normal thing. A woman being highly intelligent with no need to flaunt it or use that information for any other purpose than to invent things to catch ghosts. She’s weird; she’s an outcast; and she just plain doesn’t fit in. But the movie treats her like she’s just so normal. That’s because she is. There are so many girls out there just like her, and I was one of them.

Holtzmann is just like me. Gay, total nerd, super smart, does what she wants, and is just out to have a good time. The only difference is that Holtz is completely comfortable with who she is, and I’m not. I am more now than I used to be, but still not entirely. I spent a lot of my childhood trying to conform to society’s box (to no avail). I realized, even now, that I try to do that. Holtz teaches me that I don’t need to. Even small things I do that I didn’t realize was me conforming to society’s expectations - like downplaying my intelligence or sitting “like a lady” or something stupid like that - I need to stop doing.

I don’t need to fit into a box. I need to be me. And I saw me in Jillian Holtzmann. Imagine where I’d be now if I had grown up with a role model like Jillian Holtzmann.

Do not tell me representation isn’t important.