am i starting to like myself is that what this is

Is this Relationship Working for You?

Not every friendship is helpful and worthwhile … and sometime we need to ask ourselves the following:

1. What am I getting from the relationship? Is this person there for me when I need them most? Do they build me up, and bring out the best in me?

2. Is this friendship draining, or is it mainly negative? Do I feel I’m just being used? Are things always about them?

3. Can I be genuine and real – and just myself - with this person? Or are they likely to react if I share my honest thoughts?

4. Do they care about my feelings, my views and my opinions? Or do they treat me like an object, whose feelings never count?

5. Am I putting up with things because it’s started to feel normal? Am I scared that no-one else would really want to be my friend?

At the moment I am thinking so much about the right color choice when I draw and… maybe I just made it too difficult for me. I want my pictures to have an overal feeling. I want it to portray emotions. So maybe next time, instead of just a sketch of a character I will start with colors that just portray how I feel or I want this painting to feel and then add forms that do that too and I think of the composition and place the colors more directly and then start with the sketch.

Like I still have an idea what I wanna draw, a camel or what, but with setting all of this before I am more secured when it really is about drawing.

I dunno, I am just rambling for myself and write it on here so I won’t forget. 

Thinking about color harmony and what they express and what forms mean and stuff like that. Which way your eye should go… I want to draw real illustrations and not just characters that are placed on a one colored background… 

2

i wanna talk abt weight loss! the first photo is from a bit over a year ago and the other is from a week ago.

2 things r happening here: i am significantly smaller and also i figured out how to dress and make myself not look terrible. (i also learned how to do my makeup to not look like that i don’t know what’s going on there)

i have been working out 5 times a week since February now, as well as (mostly) clean eating. it initially started bc i was supposed to be in a wedding but that’s not happening anymore and now i am doing it bc i feel so much better physically and mentally.

i struggle with depression, ADD, anxiety disorder and OCD (all clinically diagnosed) and i medicate for 0 of them. they are high functioning which means i am able to manage them decently well off meda, but going to the gym helps my mental state significantly ESPECIALLY with depression and ADD.

also just look @ me. i look gr8.

Im alive

I just wanted to let you all know that i am okay. Im opening up my ask box but anons will be off.

Ive spent a lot of tine reading books and doing yoga and trying to better myself. Working on saving up for a scooter to ride to work. Been meditating and writing.

Thank you all those that messaged me privately. If i didnt respond, i am sorry. Id gotten a lot of them.

A couple of things with my social media:

  • YouTube is going to change. Hopefully I can post at least every Monday. I got a couple of funny skit ideas and I’m working out the kinks for what is going to be a fanmade SPN short film.
  • I started a new blog on here. Yesterday I reblogged my review for one of my favorite manga series, Vampire Knight. @books-and-manga-galore​ is the url for my blog. Suggest any books that you think I might like there or even books that you think I should read. Hoping I can post a reading list that I’ve made up there soon.

  • Instagram? Not a lot has changed. Still hardly post on there except to tell people I’m alive XD


That’s about it. I hope you guys are all having a wonderful day. Later today, there should be a post in honor of Pride Month. Over the next few days, there will be some Pride related posts. Mostly FTM! Reader or Male Reader posts.

Laters.

anonymous asked:

I wanted to say that there's a bit of negativity going around about jaebum and got7 and it's a few blogs that don't really look like they actually liked got7 in the first place and that you shouldn't worry about them. It's clearly some of them are going to all the blogs and trying to bait some kind of fight to start an uproar in the fandom because got7 seem to be easy to attack. Also jaebum still wants you out of the house because he doesn't want you going into the other boys houses and drooling

Hello my love💗 I’ve seen and am aware of what happened and what’s going and thank you for sending good vibes in the midst of it all!

Side Note: Excuse me my love I just wanna take this chance to let everyone know that I will not be publicly addressing this issue on my blog and I will be keeping my opinion and thoughts on the matter to myself. I hope you all can understand and I’m truly honestly sorry if you were hoping to discuss it with me or hear what I have to say about it.

As I’ve mentioned many a time stuff like this stresses me out and I have the worst anxiety in situation like this. I’m still pretty shaken at how ppl came at me and the whole jackson situation and we’ve been down this very road before so I’m just tired and don’t wanna plug myself back into the place I was before I went on hiatus. I went on hiatus and am feeling better in general but I’m still a bit turned off to the idea of opening a discussion on my blog and giving my thoughts on such a sensitive matter in fear of the ugliness that sometimes follows and can come my way and def don’t want a repeat of last time that pushed me over the edge and caused me to have to go on hiatus from stress and anxiety and just feeling shitty.
Im always down to hear what you guys have to say and lend my voice when needed and most of you all are very mature about these things it’s just id like to avoid dealing with those who are not. cause no matter what ones thoughts are on something ppl will disagree and Ive come to find in stan culture a lot of ppl don’t know how to do so maturely nor do they know how to approach things like this with reason and maturity.

Please don’t misunderstand my silence on the matter as brushing it off, or ignoring it or because it’s Jaebum and he’s my bias or me pretending like nothing happened etc etc. Y'all know I’m not like that. I do have my own thoughts and feelings on the matter I’m just choosing not to share them openly. you all know I usually address things like this no matter who it is it just again right at this moment I’m not in a place mentally to deal with a whole debate and argue with ppl and deal with ugliness and hate right now at least not publicly through a hail storm of asks so like I just don’t wanna talk about it to avoid stress that I don’t need right now I’m sorry. I hope I’m
Making sense and that you all can understand where I’m coming from when I say I don’t wanna talk about it because some ppl don’t know how to act civilized and mature … And No matter what My thoughts are and whether or not I wanna speak on things I Love you all and I Love my Boys and my King💚


My love sorry for turning this into a dissertation and I hope all is well with you and I send you the best of vibes!!! and look if jaebum wants me out the house and I refuse to be put on the porch whomsts house does he think I’m gonna stay at… . *Cough* mark has a king size bed *cough*… . So the choice is really up him what I do🙇🏽‍♀️👀😏

anonymous asked:

Hi, I am starting to question my gender again. It has been like that before, I just never thought it would bother me if I don't keep finding an answer for my gender. I mean I grew up having gender identity issues. I'm a girl, but feel like a guy inside btw. What ways can I experiment with myself to see if I'm trans? My question is how do I know if I'm trans? Do I just go shopping for men? Do I buy a binder? What else do I need to experiment with? Sorry, I'm just new to this.

Hi anon!

There’s no one way to go about experimenting with your gender expression, but you can try some of the following to see if you would be comfortable identifying as male:

testing out a new name or different pronouns in real life, online, or just in your head, depending on what’s most comfortable for you

buying “masculine” clothing

getting a haircut

binding

packing

There’s probably some other ways to experiment that I haven’t listed, so followers feel free to add on to the list :)

Take your time figuring yourself out and don’t worry if you don’t come to a conclusion right away.

~ Nam

commalot  asked:

When you started out as an artist, were there times you got very frustrated with either your art or how slow progress was? If so, what did you do to conter that frustration?

I always say, I wasn’t frustrated with my art or the slow progress, but with myself. I have weeks and even months in which I feel like I just create bullshit. No lie. It’s not about the slow progress but how it looks in general. I have a picture in my head of how I want my style to look like and sometimes my skill says no and then I am mad. 

For me it helps to just talk about it with my friends. Or just suffer for the time and someday it’ll get better. I am not the best example for well treatment of that issue. I am just grumpy when it happens. But still, I love to draw so I draw anyways. No matter how it looks. Sometimes we just have to remind ourselves, that it’s not always about how it looks like but what the intention is. Like what do you want to portray? Is there something you want to portray? Maybe right now is not the right time to draw it perfectly but to just get out your feelings in the most simple way possible. Draw easy things. Like seriously. Draw cute simplyfied sheeps. Just stuff that makes you happy and forget about the goal you set for yourself. 

I remember how I drew in kindergarten just for fun. just patches of colour and a big mess on the paper and it made me happy because I created it. I dunno. I sometimes want this feeling back because it was so without frustration. It was just me being me without any demands. 

We don’t have to create perfect things. “perfection” will come over time, as you spend time doing the thing you love the most. Because even tho you don’t think about it, your hands and your eyes learn. Just try to let go of the stress if you can. 

I don’t know if that makes sense, but I feel that way at the moment. 

I always feel so lazy for only working 25h a week. Like, that’s only 3 long shifts, that’s not a whole lot. But whenever I work more I am reminded that apparently I am not capable to doing more, I worked one more shift last week and it absolutely fucked me up? So I’m glad I’m getting an inofficial break by pretending to be sick to see Radiohead in Poland lmao but also I should proooobably try to get some sort of diagnosis on what exactly is wrong with my body, because not only am I judging myself but I feel like other people are judging me too. I just don’t know where to start, every time so far I went to a doctor and explained how I feel that there’s something wrong and I don’t have as much energy as other people and stuff they always ran blood test, found nothing, and we’re like “we don’t know either but maybe do more sports” and like….that doesn’t work for me. And maybe it’s just the depression and ptsd eating my energy but idk it feels like there’s something else.

I’ve decided that pics are really worth more than a thousand words and instead of randomly and over-posting about aches and pains, woes of life, joys and celebrations… I’m going to start posting as if I’m on Instagram. More of a blog-style. I’m really tired of going back and reading my posts only to realize I sound like an ‘idiot’. I really do. Same goes for 'on this day’, oh boy, am I a nut sometimes or what? Lots of deleting these days. I can’t explain myself anymore and I get really frustrated. In my head I’m so smart, but speaking (sometimes) and most definitely writing brings out what I would consider to be depicting myself as allover the place & a 'failure’ in social media which these days is our number one way to grade society.
Of course I’m none of these things (just me, beating myself up) but I have to re-train myself to develop the skills to communicate with wit and intelligence I used to be so effortless at doing since I seem to be lost in space these days.

There are so many rules these days, I can’t express myself freely without someone (friend, family member, stranger) commenting about how I use my profile. 'I post too much’ .. 'I post too much about food’ 'I can’t do this or can’t do that’ all judgements, all for me.
I know people care, I do have great friends, but I let myself down a lot and if I can’t trust myself with my words then I can’t trust anyone else to be honest with their interpretations … what’s really intriguing is how many people assume I’m talking about them when I make a post and even more radically frustrating … those 'friends’ that have me as 'see first’ in their settings not to see what I’m doing but what my loved ones might be doing. You know who you are, I get lectured from time to time if I accidentally post that I’m somewhere with a person of interest. I should be allowed to freely say what I want or check in where I want without having some kind of consequence or repercussion. I can’t even post I’m at dinner (me, myself) without someone hounding my boyfriend about where he had dinner the night before. I mean, can’t I eat alone or with my family? Seriously, we are a tight-knit group of people & I see my family almost every day. Mind your own business.

Let this be a creative writing experience that flows into my personal pool of life. I find a pic then post about what comes to mind when I see it or I have something on my mind and then decide on a pic after.

bobthegreat3  asked:

I quite like your page :3 I don't think you should delete it

If i delete it, ill make a post about it to kinda “inform” you guys, but for now im not planning on doing anything. It just feels… Wrong… I feel the need to start again. I also wanna make another account because i want to start posting my art on my main blog, and reblog stuff on a side blog. I have over 250 followers on my main blog (this one) which mostly contains reblogs of memes and fandoms im in, and its really disappointing knowing that people dont even care about my art that i spend hours on, and instead all they want is entertainment, funny posts to make them laugh for a while and move on to other blogs. This is not what i want. I want people to appreciate me for who i am, and more than anything i want to stay true to myself. Deleting all my posts on this blog and starting to only post my art here is an option, but i have over 20k posts here, and its a bit heartbreaking deleting all those “memories”. And also i only have 50 followers on my art blog so it wont really matter if I delete that blog, its not like anyone cared enough to even take a look at my art. So yeh, thats kinda the situation. I first wanted to hear your opinion before deleting it, but as i see nobody cares enough to even read my text posts, not even near no actually replying with something or giving an idea to whats the best thing i should do in this moment. So thats kinda it…. Hope u understand

And you don’t make me feel impossible. You don’t make me feel like I’m impossible to love and I cannot thank you enough for that. You could of loved anyone on this planet and you picked me and I cannot say how grateful I am for that. That you picked me. Me. Me. You picked me to love and I think that is the most magical thing ever. You picked to love my laugh and my obsession with animals. You picked me and you picked to love my love for books and all things nature. You picked to love my four year old boy laugh and my harshness when the world get’s to hard. You picked to love me and my pills that I take every day to battle clouds that seem to always follow me. You picked to love my scarred skin from night’s when everything got to much and you picked to love my stubbornness on what I want to eat for dinner. You picked to love my small hands and my small personality which you make me feel like it’s big and beautiful. You picked to love my 4 pm I love you’s and my 2 am I don’t want to be here’s. You picked to love my love for animals and homeless people and my uncontrollable laugh when you make a stupid joke. You picked to love my long brown hair and my dull brown eyes. You picked to love my love hate relationships with my mother and my sad life story. You picked to love me and you not only have made me feel loved, you have made me feel like I was beautiful when all I have ever felt my entire life was unworthy. You showed me that I did not need to live in a world of black and white and you opened my heart to color again and I cannot thank you enough for that but I’d like to start with our little “forever”. I hope you do too.
—  Thank you for loving me when I do not love myself. // Deeply Feeling Series 

Does mod g have a crush? who the hell knows

Inexorable (2)

Plot: How does is feel to be arranged to be married to a cocky, arrogant Mafia leader? Once you look at his face, you think you’re lucky, but then he opens his mouth.

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, (eventual) smut, Mafia au!

Notes: Welp, since so many of you asked for it, here is a part two!! There are two other stories which need a continuation as well, so I might keep requests closed for a while.. Sorry about that. I hope you don’t mind. Feel free to ask me questions, though! Ya’ll are so nice to me! 2,053 Words

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (FINAL)

The ride to the vacation home wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Your husband actually gave you the space you needed. There were brief glares exchanged between the two of you, a whole lot of drinking, and forced slumber – it was a 3 hour ride, after all. 

When the both of you had finally reached, the luggage was taken out by the bodyguards who had come along, and brought to your huge master bedroom. It was twice the size of your father’s office – if not, bigger – the bed was king-sized, and adorned with silk sheets. The walk-in wardrobe was already stacked with clothes for both sexes, making you wonder why you had even brought luggage in the first place.

“Too small, honestly,” Jungkook commented, plopping down on the couch by the fireplace. “My room is bigger than this.”

There he was, ruining the moment again. It was a good thing you were too exhausted to fight with him; but that didn’t mask over the fact that you still wanted to knock him out.

“Brat..” 

Keep reading

oh my father; who came before me, and his father, who died early, and his father, who liked whiskey, and his father, who ran drugs through countries, and his father, who ate too much and shouted plenty, and his father - was this the one that started the cycle? who first raised fist like man raises torch with fire? who first called down thunder onto cowering heads, who brought storms into houses? was it his father before him? where does the blame rest? on whose shoulders do i shrug it? do i pass it off and make my father a better man? cut out the pieces of him that make him a catastrophe? without rage do his hands become carpenter hard but soft and loving, do i no longer flinch when he moves them towards me. without anger do his words become lighter, balloon up and trail on our ceiling and float around without us fearing they will catch on fire. will i see the father of better mornings, when he is at his best, when he is smiling over pancakes and being the man my mother fell in love with. will i no longer guess which father i get today, which switch is flicked, which creature comes out of him. and oh my father, and his father, and so on to the first who raised sons to be a rifle - when i meet him, will he finally be the one to tell me i am loved? that i’m a good enough daughter? when i meet him - god, what if i meet him and the only thing i know how to do is beat him? what if i start the cycle myself, the way that it threatens to keep breathing in me when i raise children. what if. what if.

i see his hands, and carpenter scars and a laugh that shakes a building.

happy father’s day, i write him. oh my father. there will be no more raised hands after me. it doesn’t matter who started it, he’d say to me, i’m ending it. and i’m ending it. after all of this i forgive you, or i’m learning to, or at least i’m learning how not to let it ruin me.

oh my father. i am sorry. and i am free.

If Attack on Titan was in the style of “The Office”

Eren: *gets to work two hours before everyone else*

“HAHA those cowards. If they were real soldiers then they would be here early like me!” 

*falls asleep*

*wakes up as everyone is going home and realizes he slept through the entire work day* 

“DAMMIT!” 

*explains to Mikasa and Armin that it was the fault of the titans” 

Mikasa: *glares angrily at Eren flirting with Levi*

“There’s no one here that I hate. However, if a certain individual in the survey corps were to suddenly catch fire and I was the only one who had a bucket of water…I’d drink the water.” 

*smiles evilly at Levi* 

Armin: *chaos erupting behind him*

“In my opinion, do I think I am smarter than everyone else?”

 *turns around to see everyone being dumb and building on fire*

“I would say it’s more of a fact.”

Jean: *staring at Marco* 

“Who do I think is the hottest in the trainee corps?”

 *shot of Marco doing something so unbelievably adorable and Jean blushing* 

“Yeah…I’d have to say me.” 

Marco: *smiling into the camera looking all cute*

“I know I said I’d wait till marriage but Jean told me that God can’t see in the dark.”

 *blushes*

Reiner: *looking at Connie doing something stupid*

“Connie is the Survey Corps idiot. No one really knows how he is still alive.”

Bert: *looks anxiously into the camera*

“So umm….do you guys like….always record us…..even when we are having private conversations?” 

*shot of Bert and Reiner and Annie talking about being Titans* 

“Because ummm…..if you do…..that’s not cool bro.” 

Annie: *rolling her eyes*

“Look I’m here for two reasons and two reasons only. One, to get me a piece of that blonde booty over there 

*shot of Armin holding back Eren from punching Jean* 

and two, to murder everyone in their sleep.”

Sasha: *looking blankly into the camera and smiling*

“Every once in a while they make me murder a giant naked person. At first I was opposed to it but then I started noticing that every time I kill one they feed me. So here I am.”

Connie: *wearing a pink toupee* 

“Reiner said pink really brings out my eyes” 

*Reiner laughing his ass off in the back* 

“I think he’s right cause everyone in the trainee corps won’t stop staring at me.”

*everyone in the back rolling on the floor crying of laughter* 

Erwin: *on the topic of Levi*

“I’m not really sure what Levi does around here. He kind of just showed up and started killing Titans. I remember that day very clearly because my eyebrows were the fleekiest they have ever been. Did I say that right? Fleekiest? Fleeky? Fleek? I’m not sure, I heard a child say it once so I thought I’d sprinkle it into my vocabulary to make me sound hipper.” 

Levi: *sleeping in a chair* *talking in his sleep*

“Yeah……oh yeah….you’re so dirty. You’re a dirty little cabinet aren’t you?” 

*wakes up and sees camera* 

“Do you really have to record me while I sleep? Don’t you guys ever have to take a shit?” 

Hanji: *takes off her glasses* 

“Oh these things? They’re fake. I wear them to make myself look smarter. They actually impair my vision quite severely. But you have to pick and choose your battles, am I right?” 

*points finger guns at camera and winks* 

Moblit: *Hanji causes a science experiment to explode causing Moblit to lose his eyebrows*

“Honestly, at this point, I’m not even mad at her. I’m just mad at myself.”

Squad Levi: *Gunther, Eld, and Oluo wrapping each other in scotch tape* *Petra shaking her head in disapproval*

Petra- “I used to partake in their shenanigans until one day I realized I wasn’t 6 years old.” 


(I wish I could draw these but I cannot draw) *cries* 

Soulmates (AU) Part 2

Pairing: Harry and Y/N

Word Count: 2677

Prompt (AU) : Harry took his anger out in sex-and you weren’t supposed to do that. He would go to the bar and find others just as terrible and lonely as him, drink, and then sink his sorrows into anything with breast and a hole were to put it. Niall always rolled his eyes the next morning and say to Harry “you’re a proper dick, yeh know that right?”, to which Harry would lift his middle finger up and respond with, “if soulmates are real she would love me anyhow.”

“Harry when you meet her your life will change,” Anne says, handing him a cup of tea.

Harry rolls his eyes, “I don’t care to meet her. It’s all bullshit,” Harry grumbles.

Part One


There were very few things that bugged Y/N in life. Y/N hated when people didn’t use their turn signals when driving, or when people walked too slow in front of her, or when people rolled their eyes or stared at her, but she absolutely loathed when people wouldn’t respect her choice and try and force her to talk. It was clear, crystal clear, that she wasn’t much of a talker, and yes or no questions where the good route to go, but when people edged her on she got upset.

For example, Harry just couldn’t wrap his mind around how his other half would not utter a single word to him. Y/N had written down on a whiteboard that she was ‘mute’ and would really prefer if Harry stayed away from the label. She explained that even though he was her soulmate (and she would love to be open with him) talking just didn’t seem like something she was ready for.

She watched as Harry rolled his eyes, crossing his arms, and frowned. She could feel his annoyance (literally) and she wanted to stub her toe on the table just to tick him off, but she felt like it was rude and she didn’t want to put herself through the pain as well.

“So like what? I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with someone who won’t talk to me?” Harry asked, his eyes on her as she walks down the hallway of her apartment complex.

Y/N shrugs, ‘learn asl,’ she signs.

“The fuck does that mean?” Harry spat.

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Stupid

This was stupid

This whole thing, it was so stupid, and it made Annabeth feel stupid, and she wasn’t stupid, she was smart, gods damn it, so why couldn’t she do this? She should have been able to do this.

She only realised she was crying when a tear splashed on to the page of her textbook, blurring the black letters printed on the white page. That tear falling felt like conceding defeat, and soon enough she was crying in earnest, sobbing hard enough that the words became even less intelligible than they’d already been.

She put her head down on the book and let herself cry, feeling terribly stupid and sorry and frustrated. Her whole face felt hot, flushed with anger and annoyance - at this essay, at herself, at the fact that she was a daughter of the goddess of wisdom and she couldn’t seem to write a simple fucking essay.

When the door to her room opened she instinctively straightened, grabbing her dagger and spinning in her seat to face the intruder. When she saw who it was she immediately collapsed back onto the desk, face first, letting her dagger fall to the floor. 

She heard Percy shut the door behind himself. There were a few soft footsteps, and then a gentle hand on her shaking shoulder and a quiet question. “Annabeth, hey, what’s up?”

Keep reading

Guide to Borderline: #2
  • ((Before I start, I want to point out that there are other types of bpd, not everyone fits in this "guides" but if you agree feel free to like/rb the post.))
  • x
  • What BPD People Think When You Tell Them;
  • x
  • Let's go out sometime!: When? Everyday is a possible "sometime" so you gotta be specific. Also, should I call you/text you first? Because I will totally wait for you to do it.
  • x
  • Get ready! I am coming to get you! : No. Just no. When I have to go outside I have to prepare myself for days you ain't getting nothing friend.
  • x
  • Why didn't you tell me? : I probably hinted it and you probably missed it because it was a way too small hint so I still secretly blame you for not asking more so I have reasons but they gonna sound stupid.
  • x
  • What is wrong: If you don't want me to keep repeating my "I wanna die because" list then you should stop asking stupid questions.
  • x
  • You are overreacting: Ok I am not, but I can't explain that I am not overreacting because you would see that overreacting too but my settings are just higher then yours so my normal is overreact for you.
  • x
  • Do you miss them?: Honey I miss everything. I miss my fucking self what the hell do you think?
  • x
  • Calm down: Omg what is next? Get yourself together?? Go get your life and hopes and ambitions back?? Which universe you live in pal that ain't happening.
  • x
  • Wanna tell me? : I want to tell my whole life story to people that is passing by the street rn of course I want to tell you. The real question is, you wanna hear a real sad and fucked up story that is my life?
  • x
  • I love you: For now.
Stranded (Part 1)

where Y/N is sorry and Harry is angry.

Harry turned around as soon as he heard the bathroom door open. He could feel his eyes widening at the sight of you. With your blue floor length dress and hair up in a loose bun, you looked unquestionably breathtaking. You were heading for the celebration dinner of Harry’s movie, but Harry felt like he would be nothing there compared to the goddess standing in front of him. He couldn’t help it, he walked towards you with long strides, smashing his lips with yours and whispering,

“Baby, you look absolutely gorgeous.”

Your cheeks glowed with color as heat rushed up your neck. You smiled in gratitude before remarking,

“I think I should be the one saying that.”

Harry jokingly flipped his hair before replying,

“Yeah, I know, I’m very pretty.”

You two let out a laugh before your lips collided once more.

“How ‘bout we ditch the dinner an’ put on some of our own entertainment t’night?” he smirked, proud of his word play.

“Wish we could darling, but everyone’s gonna be there for you, yeah? Can’t leave them hanging.” You replied.

He hummed in response, well aware that he couldn’t ditch the party being thrown for him. You two headed out for the car parked outside. Your hands were tightly intertwined with Harry’s, and the two of you couldn’t have been more content at the moment.

Once you arrived at the destined place, the screams of the crowd and paparazzi increased in volume. The two of you were scurried out of the car by Harry’s event organizer. Harry wrapped an arm around your waist as the two of you headed towards the fancy restaurant.

Strutting towards the door, you two looked, and felt, like the ideal couple. However, your little bubble of happiness was soon burst apart as Harry started getting questioned by an interviewer. He seemed nice, and the pair of you didn’t mind.

Yet, soon the questions started getting directed towards you as well. Caught up in the blissful heaven of the situation, you barely noticed as you accidentally spilled out information about Harry working on his solo album.

Harry had previously decided to keep his solo music career a secret for the time being. Lots of conspiracies came along with the rumors, none of which Harry wanted to face. He had instructed you not to inform anyone about it either, and he knew that he could definitely trust you. You had gone to extremes to keep it a secret, there had been several times when it was so close to being revealed but you did one thing or other to safeguard your beloved boyfriend’s clandestine.

But this once, caught up in the happiness of the situation, and the feeling of being in Harry’s arms, you hadn’t even noticed the words tumbling out of your mouth. As soon as the words escaped you, the two of you immediately halted to a stop. Harry’s arm tightened around your waist warningly, to the point where it almost hurt. The interviewer was as shocked as could be, and continued on trying to dig out more details from either of you.

You tried to make it better, you really did, but the damage had been done.

Harry hurriedly excused you two from the press and continued walking towards the main hall. You knew he was mad, the tense way his shoulders were situated, was an obvious sign of that.

Once reality settled in, you felt like you could cry. You had revealed his secret, broken his trust. He had confided in you and trusted you to not tell a soul about something that he didn’t yet want to share.

However, before you could let out a word, Harry was whisked away by his manager, and you had been left alone to fend for yourself. Usually, Harry would be the one to hold your hand tightly and pull you along with him, but you knew that after this, the last thing he wanted was to be anywhere near you.

You were soon given company by Gigi, Eleanor and Cheryl. All of the boys were there to support Harry, and you felt horrible that you had messed up the night for him. You felt your heart ache when you saw that Harry had opted to take the seat farthest away from you at the dinner table. The night passed on with you barely touching your food and trying your best to be as social as you could in the given circumstances.

Harry was nowhere to be seen, probably he had gone somewhere with his friends, and Eleanor and Cheryl had went off to mingle with their own boyfriends, while Gigi had stayed with you. She claimed that she wanted your advice on some show that she was preparing for, but you knew that she felt bad for you. She knew what had happened, and didn’t want for you to be alone.

While you were grateful for the company that she provided, you hadn’t failed to notice Harry’s absence throughout the night. You knew that he was upset with you, but you didn’t think that he would actually ignore you the whole night through. As it was nearing midnight and Gigi was going on about her upcoming Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, a text message from Harry interrupted the both of you. Hope sprang through you as you looked down at your phone, but it was quick to die down as soon as you read the cold words that had been sent to you.

“We’re leaving.”

As you looked up, you saw Harry’s manager waving to you to come to the front door. You informed Gigi, who stood up with you.

“We’ll be leaving soon too. Just need to say goodbye to some people before we’re on our way.”

“Okay, thank you so much for today. I’ll see you soon.”

“Anytime, babe. I’m sure Harry will cool off soon. Just give him some time and space, yeah? Call me if you need anything.” She said, rubbing your arm comfortingly.

“Yeah, thank you, Gigi. I love you.”

The both of you hugged goodbye before you hurried off to where Harry’s manager was standing. She informed you that Harry was already in the car. Your heart sank a little, realizing that he was still mad. You hadn’t expected him to just forget about the whole thing, but you were hoping that his mood would be uplifted after spending some time with his friends.

Nonetheless, you knew that you had made a mistake and that you would have to pay the consequences now.

As you walked outside, you noticed the drizzle going on. It wasn’t much, but the dark clouds in the night sky made it obvious that it wasn’t long before it would start raining heavily. You opened the car door, and skid into the passenger seat. Harry already had the car started, and before you had time to buckle up your seat belt, he scurried off without a word. The tires of the car produced a sharp screech due to the force of the sudden turn.

You didn’t say anything, only adjusting yourself in your seat.

Harry continued driving towards the house that the both of you shared. But you couldn’t help but notice the death grip he had on the steering wheel. After a while, the awkward tension became too much and you felt like you were going to choke. You decided to face the consequences of your mistake as soon as possible, since procrastinating was clearly going to get you nowhere.

“Harry, I really am sorry about what happened-” You started, before he cut you off.

“Don’t Y/N, just don’t.”

He sounded so angry, unlike you had ever heard before. You had heard from a lot of people that Harry was the worst when angry. Though you had yet to encounter a seriously mad Harry, since he always made sure to control his temper around you.

It had started to rain harder outside, with heavy raindrops falling down on the wind screen. His knuckles had begun to turn whiter due to his extremely tight grip on the steering wheel. His face was set in a mad frown that was deadly to even look at.

“Harry, I promise that this wasn’t my intension. I was only answering their question and it just slipped out. I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry won’t cut it. I trusted you with my secret and you totally ruined it. I’m never telling you anything again. Now shut your mouth before I decide to kick you out of the car right now.”

This was so unlike him, the Harry that you knew would never, ever speak to you like how he just did.

Harry was known to be one of the most respectful people out there, and he had proved himself to you as a gentleman several times. Always treating you with intense care, feeding you chocolates during your period, opening the doors for you anywhere you went; he did everything to make sure that you were happy with him.

“Harry, please try to under-” Your sentence was left unfinished as the car halted to a stop.

“Get out.” He commanded.

“What?” Your voice was timid, compared to his. You had absolutely no idea about what Harry could do in his rage of anger, and you weren’t sure if you were ready to find out.

“Get out of the fucking car, Y/N. Or so help me I’ll do it myself.”

“Harry, it’s almost midnight and it’s raining so hard outside. Please don’t do this. I said I’m sorry.” You practically begged.

He wasn’t having any of it, though. In the blink of an eye, he unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car. He threw open your side of the door and grabbed your wrists. You tried to resist his grip, and he almost threw you to the ground. Your ankle twisted due to the heels you were wearing, and a painful yelp came out of your mouth. You were lying there in pain, with a ruined dress, spoiled make-up and sore wrists.

You tried to refrain him one last time.

“Harry, please stop.”

He shrugged off your hold on his wrist and went over to the driver’s side. He proceeded to sit in and drive away, leaving you a crying and broken mess in the middle of the road with darkness surrounding you and rain water pouring down on you heavily.

To some outsider, it may have looked like a scene freshly out of some movie. To you though, it was like your world had been torn apart. Yes, you had made a mistake, a horrible one at that. Harry had trusted you with one of his most sacred secrets and as his significant other, it was your duty to protect it at all costs. However, you had gotten caught up in the blissful moment and gone ahead and done the exact opposite.

In spite of that, you didn’t think that you deserved to be thrown out so harshly; in the middle of the night with strangers lurking around and rain falling hard on you.

Yes, you had broken his trust and knew that it wasn’t going to be easy to gain it back, but he had done the exact same thing, maybe worse. Your boyfriend, the very guy who was supposed to keep you safe and protect you from all the harm in the world, was himself the guy who had thrown you out in the streets, with absolutely no concern of what could happen to you.

And as you sat broken in the right middle of the street, with black tears staining your face and wet hair matted to your forehead, dress ripped and ankle twisted, you couldn’t help but wonder if things would ever be alright between you two again.