am i posting this really late

Update (So I’ve done something extreme)

Hi everyone.

I know it’s a lot of ask for, because you’ve all always been there for me and I’ve always asked for your support. But I’ll have to ask again. My life has and was still going down a path I didn’t want to go down and I’ve let it get so out of hand until I just…I just snapped. Now, I’ve really really got no place to live, no money for food or anything. But I’ve got a direction I know I want to go.

First off, thank you to @curlysword @legitimateluffy @cyriusli @roomshxmbles @firecatkitten @sosolawlu @madame-austere @welcome-to-sanjis-shitty-kitchen @theveryhungrycatahitler @insatiable-curiosity85 @dragon-shade-lamp-posts @demonkidd-asura @malfunctioningkitten @ryuichicentric @auspizien and many more wonderful users for being here for me to talk to off and on. I am so sorry I haven’t been around lately because of my situation. It’s made me very sad to not be able to interact and be online like I used to be.

So I’m still alive, barely. Yesterday I had my work orientation at the hotel my parents were forcing me to work at. And I went through the day, holding it together pretty well. I was shown how the banquet works, how the system is supposed to log me in and out and how everything I do has to be signed for and documented. 

From buying a muffin to drinking coffee I would have to count every single second of every single thing I do at the office. My job was supposed to be Sales for Events. I had to close my triple earring piercing I got (just like Zoro’s), and I would have had to dye my hair black. I would be stuffed into a pencil skirt and look just like everyone else and talks just like everyone else and kiss ass to big-named corporate clients to convince them to have their events at the hotel.

I would have had to wear three inch heels from 7am to 6pm (minimum, sometimes these girls go home at 10 or more), until my toes cried every, damn, day, Monday to SATURDAY. Saturday. Those don’t count as overtime people. I get one day off a week.

I would have gone home, exhausted, stressed, confused and completely and utterly miserable with my life. I knew this. I knew I would hate this. I knew I would hate a corporate outfit. I knew I didn’t want to be stuck in a pencil skirt and made to look and act like some mindless, faceless drone.

And yet my parents wouldn’t listen. I already told them I would hate it. I went in to work, saw what was going to happen to me. Saw how they were dumping all the previous girl’s (she quit because she couldn’t take how they were treating her anymore, I went snooping and saw how she was getting penalties and timecards asking why she was even ONE MINUTE late to signing in to work and having tog ive reasons why she shouldn’t be penalized) stuff on me because nobody else would take it.

I never wanted that kidn of life where I could only think back and dream about how I used to draw, used to hang out with my art friends, used to chat, used to run for advertising deadlines and deal with clients who have no idea what they want and what I’m doing. I’d prefer that.

I’d prefer sleeping on someone else’s couch and wondering where my next meal is going to come than live in 3 inch heels and a pencil skirt, kissing up to people I don’t even know or care about to meet an impossibly high quota.

I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to even try. I know where I wanted to try my luck. I wanted to try advertising, I wanted to try concept art, I wanted to cry over why my designs weren’t good enough yet instead of cry over wondering how the fuck I became a pencil-pusher who was only earning 780 usd for going through this miserable bullshit. I’d rather work at a convenience store and take shifts and ride the bus and have an erratic schedule.

So I snapped. I came home. In the middle of opening my packages to dye my hair black I had a meltdown. I cried. I wailed, even. I didn’t want this and I don’t want this still and I will never want this experience ever in my life.

My dad kept insisting ‘just try it for 2 months and then look for another job?’ 2 months?! Does he really believe that I was going to be able to look for something else while waking up at 6 every morning and going home past ten every night MONDAY TO SATURDAY? This job was a TRAP. This job was so that I didn’t have time to do or work or think about anything else but this damn job. No. I’m not even going to try. This was a trap and I just know it was my mother’s idea. She’d even called the house before to ask people to make sure I wasn’t drawing. (Like wtf, woman?)

This may sound like a coward’s way out, but I know a trap when I see one. I know myself well enough to know that I was going to be miserable there and I was going to be cornered into not being able to leave unless I outright just walked out and quit like the last girl and just become unemployed again. So I might as well stay unemployed.

There were a lot of things that happened that led up to this meltdown but this post is long enough as it is. The gist of it is that I’m so, so, SO DAMN TIRED of my parents guilt-tripping me and calling me ungrateful just to force me to do something I don’t want to do. I have never EVER gotten any moral support or positive reinforcement from them my entire life and I had had ENOUGH.

I didn’t report in to work today. Last night, while I was wailing my head off and scaring the shit out of the neighbors I called my mom and screamed at her that I hated her. I messaged my dad and told him I hated him. Extreme and I was wrong to do that and I will apologize, but I don’t regret it. I’ve been keeping everything I want and everything I wanted to do and be inside me for so long they even managed to wedge me into a corporate outfit that wasn’t even remotely close to what I even studied for. They did it so easilly, because they have money and power and friends in high places…

I just want enough to get by in a small apartment, a bed, food, wifi, water, electricity and time to work on my art. That’s all I want and that’s all I ever wanted.

I’ve been kicked out of the house I forced to move into because that’s where my mom puts all the people and things she doesn’t want to look at and think about anymore. (My two aunts and grandma are either too old to work, have cancer or have strokes and fainting fits every once in awhile and they all say she’s just waiting for them to die.) Right now, my uncle is keeping me at his place where I’m typing this and figuring out what to do next.

I’ve planned to work at a call centre in the meantime to tide myself over while I look for a job at an ad agency or an animation company, no matter how small-time. I just don’t want to be in corporate. I was scared to apply before because I thought I wasn’t good enough. That’s how I ended up in this corporate-bullshit situation. Now, I have no choice.

I’ll still be posting art. I’ve got things done and scheduled until the 17th of May and I’m looking to make an even longer buffer this week while I also get my portfolio together. Thank you all so much for being with me. If you like my work, right now, I’d really, really appreciate it if you’d support me on my patreon. I’ve always got things for you guys to enjoy there, so I hope you don’t feel like you’ll be paying for nothing.

I’ve got to go for now. Battery’s dying and I’m at the house alone so I’ll have to figure out how to get my shit together to get started on moving on.

Wish me luck.

anonymous asked:

am i the only one who is really annoyed by the fact that brienne always calls jaime "ser jaime" like GIRL you have seen each other naked and been through so much shit for fucks sake dont be so formal smh

(hi nonnie and so sorry for replying this über late, I hope you still see this <3)

You might have come to the wrong person with this question (and not only because I suck at replying asks on time!) because I definitely don’t find it annoying. Unnecessary? Yes, kinda. Sad? Yes. Heartbreaking even? Yes! But not annoying.

Now I don’t know if you were thinking showverse or bookverse, but *George R.R. Martin voice* in the books there are several reasons Brienne would address Jaime as Ser Jaime. For one, it’s what etiquette requires. He is a knight, so he is a ser. Similarly, Hyle Hunt is Ser Hyle for example. Brienne is close enough to Jaime that her dropping the “ser” would probably not offend him, but it would be a very intimate way of addressing him, and Brienne is not comfortable with that. Courtesy is a lady’s armour in more than one way.

(Side note: in Brienne’s dreams she calls Jaime just “Jaime” and - unless I misremember - in her narration she switches between “Jaime” and “Ser Jaime” and I’d actually love to analyse why/how. But clearly she thinks of him more intimately than she talks.)

Secondly, it’s also about genuine respect. Brienne calls Jaime “Ser Jaime” because she respects him as a knight, and it is very important for Jaime she does that. Being addressed like any honorable knight, plain and simple, is kind of a big deal for the Kingslayer. Maybe Brienne even recognises this on some level.

I’m sure Brienne will eventually, either accidentally when overcome by emotion or perhaps by Jaime’s insistence, drop the “ser”. But so far it doesn’t disturb me. It’s what she’s comfortable with and what he appreciates. Of course it’s a little heartbreaking Brienne’s walls are as high as Winterfell’s and that she loves him so much yet addresses him so formally, but isn’t it quite bittersweet too?

As for the show - well, I have less to say because I haven’t been paying as much attention and also I feel like the etiquette/culture is not as consistently portrayed, but what I said about Brienne hiding her feelings behind courtesy and calling Jaime “Ser Jaime” out of respect is just as valid in the show canon imo. Only in the show in season 6 you can clearly see that Jaime (how much thanks to Nikolaj the Ship Captain’s acting rather than the script though??) craves for more intimacy and emotional connection with Brienne, but because of the precarious situation (and maybe because of personal insecurities) she struggles to maintain the distance and calling him “Ser Jaime” is one tool of that. Frustrating for a shipper, I understand, but I still wouldn’t call it annoying. Sad, more like. Fingers crossed that we will hear her call him just “Jaime” in season 7!

anonymous asked:

Okay but like i love how often you post amazing fan art?? 💖 Like that must take so much time and willpower! Do you have like any tips on how to like stay motivated to draw, even if it's something you're really passionate about?

Thank you so much! <3

It does take a lot of willpower (especially with depression agh) – I am just now getting back into the swing of things after hardly not drawing at all. Even when I went back to my old job and am able to draw at work, I still could not manage anything due to always being tired. Lately I’ve been taking multivitamins and they appear to be helping!

As for motivation – what works for me is to try drawing a little something every day. It doesn’t have to be a complete picture and it DEFINITELY doesn’t have to be perfect. It can be some concept sketches, a quick doodle, some gesture poses – all of these help me to keep my motivation going. I also look at other art, art references, fashion, etc. to help keep me inspired! 

Also, the most important part for me is to have fun! Don’t stress over little things, just go all out and let your imagination take it’s course~!

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…ask me about my 20s Star Wars AU 

i know i´m a bit late with my #meettheartist. but i was very busy and i normally  don´t like doing things everyone is doing. but in this case i got tons of requests and messages and i thougt, because i don´t post personal stuff very often, it would maybe really interisting for you.  so…, i am not doing this BECAUSE everyone is doing it, i do it EVEN THOUGH everyone is doing it. i hope it gives you an idea of how or who i am.

sometimes I see stupid comments in different places of this fandom about adding lipstick on (mostly male ofc) characters, so it inspires me to draw/sketch this kind of stuff, hehe.. ( @marinette-buginette omg, sorry hahah)

Adrien had so fab (fight me if pink doesnt suit him) lipstick after one photo shoot, so lately he couldnt stop himself to share with his friends.. in his way, pff  idk what am i doing

(no worries, Chloe will get this too lmao) 

3

“Every player feels the same pride about the fact that they’re going to be on the court, no matter whether they’re some genius or just a regular guy.”

Merry Christmas @yuri-o!!! From your Secret Santa (◠︿◠✿)

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I promised and I finally delivered (super sorry for such a late delivery).  Ngl, I was starting to lose interest in MLB but Super Sons sparked inspiration and here I am.  Super Sons did not disappoint btw.

Also, in my head, Jon only knows about Ladybug bc at one point Damian mentioned her and Chat.  Ladybug didn’t really understood him (bc English) but she could guess what was going through his head.

Adrien…well…Adrien is just being Adrien. 

Quick note: Commission is still open.  I’ll be posting about ordering commission and picking up at Anime Expo in LA soon. 

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(#2nd upload) 3 days ago I uploaded this comic but it suddenly disappeared. I was at my grandma’s and don’t have the files so I only have gotten the chance to re-upload now

So I uploaded 3 days later and RE uploaded 3 days later = 6 days late

I guess I really am the last user to ever post birthday gift. It’s not fab to wish someone a happy birthday at their birthday and give present a week later. I learned my lesson

Grandpa has a word for yuri:

*shamefully clicks post and hide myself under the blankets*

Submissions closed

Hey everyone, I’ve been very inactive on here lately, and I’m very sorry. Things have been really rough for me. I have to give both my cats away and am giving Tina, my favorite, away tomorrow. I’m having a really difficult time coping with this and seeing everyone’s cats on here makes me sadder.

I’m closing submissions for a little because I have a ton of posts to queue up, and I’d like to take some time for myself. 

Again, I’m very sorry for not being more active on here. I hope that you all have a wonderful weekend filled with kitties and love. 

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Wednesday and Amelia are spending their weekend house sitting/baby sitting Amelia’s youngest sister Temperance, who is most likely going to be their little flower girl.🌼

The prints I ordered from @dement09 came yesterday and I AM LOVE THEM??? They were packaged really well and they’re all super pretty and I got a Bismuth sticker and a note and omfg -  I love you deni my sweet babu I hope you get your late ass christmas package soon <3 <3 <3

Bonus: pupper for scale, and envelope art

I am really scared about Steven Universe lately??

Not because the show is getting “worse”, those are twisted lies if you see the show from a critical standpoint and ignore things like hiatuses… (ton of the “new” problems have always been there/its based on character flaws) 

It’s because the fandom is mistreating it, casual viewers are mistreating it, the channel is mistreating it, and the media always mistreated it.

People who is interested have no fucking clue of when we are having  new episodes, the main tags are a battlefield, the crew’s posts are filled with rudeness, theres no re-runs, the merchandise in things like plushies looks awful and people is forcing themselves to leave the show/the fandom so they don’t have to deal with any of this anymore… 

And honestly? it scares me to death… I really can’t lose this…