am i just always pathetically late

College Confession #64

It started 6 weeks ago when I had ordered a new electrical fan and he delivered it. I’m a 5'8 19 year old in college and I think he’s somewhere in between 24-27 and he’s really tall, 6'3 I think. It’s difficult to tell since there’s a step at my door.

He’s so cute it’s not even funny, the first time he came I giggled and I was so flustered I was really embarrassed about it but he was really nice and told me where to sign ect. since it was the first time I’d ordered anything. (usually my parents do all that stuff…)

And now… for 6 weeks I have 2 deliveries average every week. Sometimes more. I always order really cheap crap I don’t even need. I have a “see the delivery man” budget that I’ve set aside and it’s so pathetic but I don’t know what to do and I think he’s catching on too, because lately he starts to make smalltalk and I panic and I say something really stupid but it makes him laugh and I just don’t know what to do anymore. My sister is totally on to me and just now, he delivered 2 small packages and my sister was just coming home and she actually said “So he’s the reason you’re always ordering shit” and walked in.

I am mortified. He looked at her, looked at me and fucking smirked. He must think I’m such a freaking loser. Oh my God. Someone kill me now.

- The College of New Jersey


“I don’t want to go out for dinner, can’t we just order takeout?” I whined as I felt the warm air surround me. This was way better than the parking lot here.

“Stop nagging, Sasuke, it is good to be outside the house now and again” Shisui said as he sat down.

“In Sasuke’s defence, he did warn us that he was going to complain the entire way” Izuna said as he took his jacket off. I glared at Izuna from the corner of my eyes before rolling them. It was unfair how Izuna managed to look good every day of the week.

“I heard this place has great pasta” Shisui said as he looked over the menu.

“Like pasta is so hard to make yourself” I muttered.

“Why don’t you go ahead and cook?” Shisui put the menu down.

“Last time I made something edible, Madara threw it in the trash” I reminded him as I finally took my coat off.  

“Hey, is that Naruto?” Izuna bumped my arm with his elbow. I looked up at the bar, seeing Naruto sat there, talking to some guy.

“Yes, that is him” I said.

“Why don’t we go say hello?!” Izuna leaned towards me, “See if he gets us something to drink”

“He is not even allowed to drink” I noted.

“Well, that gin and tonic in his hand says something else” Izuna pointed out before getting up. I guess if he felt obligated to go to the bar, so should I.

“Would you like anything, Shi?” Izuna asked, but Shisui shook his head.

“Hey, cutie!” Izuna shouted across the restaurant and if my eyes had the ability to set people on fire…Izuna would have been in flames by now.

“Hey Zuna! Sasuke!” Naruto waved at us, putting his glass down.

“Owh, right! It has been a while! How have you been?” I would have expected Izuna to just give a handshake like normal people, maybe a small nod, but instead of that he hugged Naruto tightly.

“Aaah, let’s talk about…anything else but my crappy days” Naruto looked at me with a small smile.

“Naru, aren’t you going to introduce us to them?” The guy next to him asked, looking at Izuna while I legit got ignored.

“You are not important enough to introduce” Naruto joked.

“I am sure this beauty is worthy of knowing his name” The guy said.

“Aw, you are flattering me, the name is Izuna” Zuzu said, “And this is my little, cute, moody, brother, Sasuke”  

“Eh, isn’t that like…uhm…the Samurai from the cigarette ad back in the 80’s?” The guy said as he snapped his fingers like he won a game of charades.

“Yes, that the Samurai from the famous stories, he really existed…” It seemed the guy was an uncultured swine, “The famous novels…movies…it must’ve been mentioned in your primary history book…no?…nothing?…really?” I rolled my eyes. He was stupid as fuck.

“Remember that famous book about the guy with the sword on the horse, wandering around the world?” Naruto asked and the guy nodded.

“Oooaah that one!” He exclaimed, nodding too eagerly, “Hey, if you two have nothing to do tonight, maybe you would like to hang out with us?” It seemed ‘two’ turned into ‘one’ since the guy was looking at Izuna as if he was the only person in the entire restaurant.

“Nah, I am already meeting with some friends”

“Maybe I could tag along with you?” The guy offered, but Naruto punched his arm. “What about you?” He asked and suddenly it seemed I existed again.

“No, Sasuke isn’t into that kind of stuff you do”

“Me? Thought we were a team here, Uzumaki” The guy said, punching Naruto’s shoulder.

“Right! He isn’t into the stuff we are in, better?”

“Pfff, acting like you grew up, but you are the same piece of trash as you have always been, Naru” The guy joked, “Are you just gonna let that blond idiot call you a buzzkill?”

“Don’t challenge him, Sasuke, really, this fucker only causes trouble”

“That blondie takes you straight to jail, I swear” The guy suddenly remained quiet as it appeared if he was thinking deeply “Or to bed, it is either jail or bed, there is no inbetween”

“I am not!” Naruto seems slightly embarrassed as he tried punching the guy with some weak ass punch, the guy easily dodged.

“Oh right, there is also the backseat of the car and the toilet stalls” He laughed. I saw Naruto’s cheek turn slightly red, but for all I knew it was the alcohol.

“Well, seems like you two know each other pretty well” Izuna grabbed the drink he ordered from the bartender, handing me the bottle of coke.

“Speak to ya soon” Izuna said as he walked back towards our table.

“Owh, he doesn’t even drink, you are right, Naruto, he ain’t no fun” The guy said, patting Naruto’s shoulder. I opened my mouth to say something, but I decided it wasn’t worth it after all.

“I guess I will see you at school” I stated as I turned around to head back towards our table.

“So what is the deal with that guy? You wanna bang him or what?”

“No! Shut up!” I heard Naruto say with an anxious tone in his voice.

“Why are you even being nice to such a weirdo?”

“Do you have any idea how scary he can be? I saw him take down four adults…not to mention he has one brother that…is worst than my mother”


“Hey, Sasuke” Itachi opened the door to my room, naturally he never knocks when it comes to my room. I stood there in my boxer shorts, holding a tube of lotion.

“What is it?” I asked, putting the lotion down. Don’t get the wrong ideas, I just got out of the shower.

“I am going to bed, don’t stay up too late, alright?” Itachi said as he walked towards me and placed a kiss on my forehead. I gave him a rather pathetic smile.

“Right” I said seeing Itachi leave the door open behind him. Why does he always do this to me? I put my shirt on before grabbing some sweat pants. I headed downstairs to watch a movie before heading to bed. I grabbed a bag of crisps from the kitchen and opened it, almost getting a heart attacking seeing Naruto standing in front of the window, waving while having his usual innocent smile on his face. He pointed at the direction of the door and I rolled my eyes putting the crisps on the table before opening the door.

“It is midnight, why are you even here?” I asked, examining him from top to bottom. He didn’t seem drunk.

“Say do you always leave the curtains of your room open?” He asked. I narrowed my eyes and looked at him confused. His face was red, probably from the cold, I guess I should invite him in. It seemed like the right thing to do.

I opened the door wider.

“Ah, actually I am here to apologise, I realised that what I said didn’t sound so nice”

“It sounded like you find me a buzzkill, but….it is not like it bothers me”  Well, that was a lie. I have been thinking of it every 10 seconds to the minute.

“It’s actually really cool how you aren’t bothered by little things, I admire that, oh, quick side note, the light to your room is on”

“It is?” I took a step outside. It was almost amazing how I could even see the books and lotion on my desk from here.

“You want to…come in?” I asked.

“No, it is fine, I am going…well…yeah…I am going”

“You can’t possibly have come all this way to just talk” I frowned.

“Actually…I got a lot more than talk” He has this stupid grin on his face before rubbing his neck, looking awkwardly away. “Actually, I stopped by on my way to the casino”

“Ah, right” I muttered.

“See, I would’ve invited you to come with me, but…I just don’t think you would like it very much, y’know being an ex-cop and all, dattebayo”

“What has me tagging along with my dad to do with this?”

“Aah…how do I say this? Sometimes we do stupid things and…well, you are not stupid”

“It really depends on the definition of stupid” I said.

“Well…it is not like you would-” Naruto looked around him, “Steal a car, I don’t know” He said pointing at Itachi’s car.

“True…I wouldn’t…” I said and reached for the drawer, “Because I would be borrowing the car” I said, spinning the keys around my fingers. I saw Naruto’s expression turn to an amused one .

“The little princess of the Uchiha family is actually a bad boy” Naruto joked as he looked at the keys. “Who’s car is it anyway?” Naruto asked. He looked very tempted, as if he was holding back.


“Let’s get going then” He said as his eyes suddenly started to sparkle. I quickly put my sneakers on and grabbed my coat.

“Let’s get going then” I threw the keys towards him and he caught it with both hands, almost dropping them, but he managed to hold it. I closed the door behind me. He gave me one last look to be absolutely sure if this wasn’t some trick or test.

“What are you waiting for? You aren’t a buzzkill, are you?” I cocked my head a little, seeing a smirk appear on his face.

“Like hell I am”


“Dude, dude, you have all the space to parallel park here, what the hell are you driving up and down for?” I looked at the mirror to the back.

“It is really more of an art-”

“Art?!” My tone couldn’t be more ironic. Naruto suddenly hit the break and I turned my head towards him.

“Alright, I don’t have my licence, so, if you can do a better job at it then I would be happy to let you take the wheel” He sounded annoyed, but in his defence, I was giving him shit about his parking skills so far.

“Hey, my daddy wasn’t around to teach me”

“Boo fucking ho, my mom taught me-”

“Well…I don’t have a mother either” I interrupted him.

“You are making it sound like an argument, dattebayo” He had another shot, and even though the car stood partly on the pavement. I guess it was the best that could do.

“Don’t I get, like, a kiss for this great achievement?!” Naruto slammed the door behind him. I got out of the car.

“Is it really an achievement?” I asked him.

“It can count as one” Naruto walked towards me, “In my defence, my mother’s car is smaller” He wrapped his arm around me.

“Hey, so what will you do if they ask for identification?” I asked as we approached the door, I could see two guys standing there in black.

“You are gonna use those beautiful, blue eyes” I frowned.

“I don’t have blue-” I stopped talking when I saw Naruto smile.

“They won’t ask you”

“What makes you so sure?” I wasn’t so engaged in the conversation that we were already walking inside.

“Hey, Naruto” Both said and gave him a nod.

“Because I am here” Naruto said and I had to admit…that was pretty cool and yet there were so many questions appearing in my head.

“If it ain’t our fox!” I could see the guy from the restaurant and I wasn’t surprised seeing him with beer.

“You remember Sasuke” Naruto indicated to me and I didn’t say anything. I don’t give two shits about that dude.

“Nice meeting you” The girl said and winked at me.

“Hey, hey~” The guy almost screamed, he was probably tipsy. He grabbed twenty bucks from his wallet and put it on the table before grabbing the empty beer bottle and putting it upside down the twenty bucks, “Whoever managed to get the money from under the bottle, without touching the bottle, gets the keep the money”

“That doesn’t seem that hard” The girl said.

“I tried it, it is impossible”  Naruto added.

“That is what you said when you tried to put together an Ikea desk chair” I said. The girl leaned in pulled the money away, but the bottle fell. “Damn it, it harder than it looks” She commented.

“Let me try” Naruto asked when the girl put the bottle upside down on the money.

“It can’t be done” The guy said, leaning back in the chair.

“Can I try?” I leaned in the table.

“It can’t be done” The guy repeated, “But if you can do it, go ahead, if it works I’ll buy you beer”

“I am more of a scotch guy”

“I ain’t going to buy you any overpriced scotch, you prick” The guy said.

I looked at the bottle and suddenly I had this moment…this…epiphany. I leaned in the tabled and started rolling up the money, making me able to get the twenty from under the bottle without dropping it.

“Somebody is getting me a beer” I said, holding the twenty. There was a moment of silence at the bat table.

“Here, get yourself a snack” I leaned over the table and put the twenty in the guy’s shirt as if he was a stripper.

“I feel…pretty dumb…” The guy groaned and tried to catch the attention of the bar tender.

“New challenge!” The girl said, grabbing the guy’s empty beer bottle and a card from the table, she put the card on one bottle before putting the other upside down on the first one. “Remove the card without making the bottle fall”

I extended my hand, my first instinct was to pull, but I couldn’t reach so I just flicked my fingers and the card flew on the table.

“You owe me a beer” I said, seeing the girl and Naruto both look at the card with their mouths open.

“New challenge!” Naruto grabbing a nickel from his pocket. “Put the card on the glass and balance the coin on it”

“If I do it…I want scotch this time” I said grabbing the beer from the guy taking a sip.

“Two?” The guy asked, as he looked at girl, putting the second beer on the table.

“There is no way you can balance a coin on card…on a glass…” The guy frowned slightly. I wasn’t good in physics, but…I knew that was impossible. I leaned back and looked at the card and coin, taking another sip before looking at the beer. I poured the beer in the glass, filling it up all the way to the top. I put the card on it so half of it was on the liquid. I then put the coin on the other side of the card and I swear I never knew I would ever in my life use school knowledge outside of school…but here I was.

“I am so done, doonneee~” Naruto didn’t believe his eyes, it is like he saw a brand new colour he had never seen before. “Done!” He shouted walking away. I chuckled.

“Fuck me, that is smart!” I heard somebody suddenly shout behind me.

“New challenge!” Some random person walked up to me; and so the evening which was supposed to be spent with my bae was filled with challenges involving mostly beer bottles and every challenge was rewarded with another alcoholic beverage and at a certain point…I wasn’t sure what I was doing anymore, but everything I heard “OOOOOOHHHH” I knew I would get another drink.

“Last challenge!” Some person shouted.

“I think I drank enough” I couldn’t count the bottles in front of me anymore. I was seeing double so I poked my own eyes to see if my lenses were still in my eyes or not.

“I bet you fifty bucks!”

“Fuck yeah!” I was pretty eager trying to get up that I almost fell backwards if it weren’t for Naruto grabbing my arms.

“Dude, I was gone for thirty minutes, dattebayo!” His voice was so loud, it almost appeared to me he was scolding me.

“Who that?” I wasn’t indicating to Naruto, but to the chick standing next to him. So, that is where he went? Was…he banging the chick in the bathroom? Who needs thirty entire minutes for that?! Wait, has it been thirty minutes? No, it has been one and a half hour! Was this some new youth slang I haven’t come across on the internet?

“What the hell?! Did you drink all of that?! You were the same guy that got drunk from two light beers!” Naruto suddenly tightened his grip around my arms, “Stop trying to climb over me” Oh right…I was trying to win another bet.

“I am providing for our kids!” I shouted, pulling myself away from him.

“I am sure they aren’t very happy with you being drunk off your ass, dattebayo!”

“Are we having this fight again!?” I grabbed Naruto’s collar, “Fight me, mate!” His eyes widened in surprise and I smiled leaning my head on his shoulder. “Fucking asshole…” I muttered before kissing his cheek. “Whatever you did in the bathroom, I can do it twice as good”

“What?!” Naruto pulled me away, “Did you guys gave him any drugs?”

“Stop being a buzzkill” I pushed him, so he was forced to take a step back. I needed a few seconds to get my head to stop spinning. I almost tripped forwards, but I regained my balance. I cupped Naruto’s cheek.

“Why don’t you go and wait in the backseat of the car? Be pretty and I will be there to do you in like five minutes, alright? Daddy is slaying these bets right now” I heard some whistling in the back. I was grabbing some cash that I won and put it in his shirt, “Buy yourself something pre-” I yelped and it took longer than I am proud of to realise Naruto threw me over his shoulder.  

“Baby, no! I wanna make more money, we can fuck later! Why are you so eager?! This is making me nauseous, Narutoooo!” I gave up and just hung there while he walked towards the car.

“I am so disappointed in you, dattebayo!” Naruto finally let me go. He opened the car door and I looked at the car door before looking at him.

“So…your place, my place, motel?” I asked.

“Step in!” He hissed. I didn’t realise how hot he could be when he is being all protective. I smirked and looked ahead of me while he sat down. “Seatbelt” he said, but I folded my arms.

“Are we really going to do this?” Naruto asked.

“Make me, hottie” I dared him. He rolled his eyes before reaching for my seatbelt. I protested. I suddenly get why Naruto could be so annoying from time to time…it was fun.

“Sasuke!” He said with a warning voice after a good 3 minutes of trying. I remained still and he leaned over me and reached for my seatbelt. I suddenly grabbed his face between my hand and leaned into whisper in his ear,“I kinda like how you say my name so pissed off”

“Then you are going to love the drive home” Naruto pulled away.

“Buzzkill” I whispered. I allowed him the fasten the seatbelt. I turned my head to him trying to find the keys.

“Naruto” I repeated his name several times, but he only reacted annoyed after 5 good minutes. “Wanna fuck?”

“Not when there is chance of you puking on me” He answered.

“I won’t!” I immediately said, “I am like…a very…very good boy” I pouted and I saw him look at me from the corner of his eye.

“No, you are not” Naruto said, “I took my eyes off you once and you got wasted”

“In that case, I am a very bad boy” I whispered and he laughed. I frowned before taking the seatbelt off.

“Oi!” Naruto sounded frustrated. I crawled to the back seat.

“What? Did I piss you off?” I smirked, “Maybe I need to get punished”

“I knew you were a horny drunk, but…where is the are the kinks coming from?”

“You know I have parent issues” I was struggling taking my pants off.

“Sasuke, what are you doing?” Naruto shook his head, looking at me through the mirror.

“I am getting naked” I stated.


“Because…fuck?” He closed his eyes and shook his head.

“At least during Halloween you were making an effort, trying to make it sexy-” He stopped talking the moment he opened his eyes and turned his head towards me, “So those clothes were off fast, dattebayo!”

“Wanna take my boxer briefs off with your teeth?” I winked.

“Is that even a ques-” He suddenly shook his head and turned his head away from me, “Sasuke, wear your clothes you are going to catch a cold!”

“Heat me up then!” I opened my arms like he was about to come here and hug me anytime.

“…You are really…” Naruto sighed.

“Want me to sit on your lap? Naruto~” I sat up and pouted not getting a response from him.

“You know what, Sasuke? If you can sit still for twenty minutes while I drive, I am sure I will reward you”

“Rewards me?” I scratched my cheek, but gave in.

“Want me to get busy in the back-”

“NO, SIT STILL AND DO NOTHING!” Naruto shouted. There was definitely something wrong with me because I felt more excited now. He grabbed the keys and a silence emerged in the car “That is, like…uhm…an order” He added.

“I am so horny, Naruto” I sat up and crawled back in the front seat.

“If I give you my jacket, will you wear that?” He asked.

“Baby, if you give me that sweater that will be the only thing I am wearing” I whispered, leaning towards him.

“Take it” He took his jacket off and gave it to me. I put it on and while he was driving off I took the liberty of taking my underwear off.


“Dattebayo!” Apparently the sudden flying pair of boxers on the wheel scared him. I laughed. “No, bad Sasuke! Put it on, or put your pants on, put something on-”

“I said I would wear your jacket” I whispered in his ear, biting his earlobe softly.

“Sasuke, I am driving” He swallowed.

“Stop” I said, kissing his jawline, “Let’s do it in the car” I whispered, my hand on his lap, moving towards his crotch. I could hear a loud siren and I frowned.

“Shit!” Naruto hissed and I sat down, sticking my head out of the window to see a police car while Naruto stopped the car.

“Hey, daddy is home!”

“NO!” Naruto pulled me back in my chair. “Just…behave!” He was way too serious, but I guess if he could see the connections I had he will have to fuck me. The officer tapped on his window and Naruto rolled it down, smiling kindly. That bitch was stealing my man!

“Licence and registration please” The cop said.

“Uhm…Of course” Naruto turned his head to me, giving me some sort of look. Maybe he was trying to tell me something…but I didn’t know what he was trying to say?

“Oooh!” I nodded before looking at Naruto, winked at him before looking at the cop.

“Officer…Officer” I said leaned over Naruto’s lap so I got closer to the officer. I slapped his face, causing him to back off and give me a shocked look. I rolled the window back up. “They see me roolliinnggg~ they’re haatttinnnggg~” I sang hearing Naruto sigh loudly.

“Fucking put me in prison already, dattebayo” He whispered.

“Sir, get out of the car, now!” The office shouted, ramming his fist on the door.

“Sasuke…just work with him” Naruto said.

“Oh no, sweetie” I cupped his cheeks, “You stay here and let me handle this” I pushed the door open and it almost hit the officer.

“Owh damn” The officer looked away, “You are not fully dressed”

“Sir, identification” the cop I slapped walked towards his partner.

“Listen…I know like…your bo-” I felt like I had to burp, but it wasn’t air…I had to vomit. I leaned forward and let it out, not able to hold it in. I heard one officer laugh while the other was cursing. I leaned against the car.

“Okay…I might be drunk” I looked up at the cop. “Fuck me…”


“A stolen car, driving without licence and underage drinking!” The officer hissed, closing the door behind us.

“And public urination” The other said.

“What?” Naruto looked at me.

“I really needed to go…” I pulled the jacket slightly down, where was my underwear…Oh right…in the car.

“Can we at least get some water or coffee so he can sober up, dattebayo?” Naruto looked at the officer.

“Sleep is the best way to sober up”

“My brother is a lawyer and he said that you can’t strip us from basic human needs, that included toilets and water-”

“Well, the lawyer ain’t here!”

“I know your boss!” I shouted, wrapping my hand around the bars, “And I will file for 204 civilian complain and you will have like a serious long talk in 2 months!”

“How do you know about civilian complain 204?”

“Yo mama told me-”

“Sasuke, enough!” Naruto pulled me away, “We just sit here until we can use the phone, I will call my cousin, he owes me big time, he will bail us out” He pushed me on the couch.

“My butt is cold” I whispered.

“Nobody told you to take your boxer briefs off, dattebayo!” Naruto slightly pulled his hair.

“Kid, I don’t wanna crush your dreams…but we have to notify the car owner”

“That is my brother!” I looked up at the cop, “Fuck…we are gonna die, Naruto” I added. “One time, Madara and I were hungry and we took his car and we accidently dropped the food like…dude…it was everywhere, anyway…no…that was my dad! That was my dad’s car!” I laughed. “And that wasn’t Madara…that was my mom” I gasped dramatically.

“Sasuke, why don’t you go sleep a bit while I try figuring out…what I’m going to tell Itachi”

“He won’t press charges, no worries”I leaned my head on his shoulder, “I make sure he doesn’t because that means he will press charges against me…it was my idea, you did nothing wrong”

“I shouldn’t have called you a buzzkill, dattebayo” I felt Naruto’s hand pat my cheek, “Try to sober up, alright?”

“How did the gays got in jail? I thought it was legal now or something” A woman suddenly spoke up. That was the moment I realised we were not alone.

“We stole his brother’s car, drove around, he got drunk, I tried to bring him home, police came…he slapped the cop…”

“I slapped him and his mother!” I shouted.

“Sssh…” Naruto pressed his finger against my lips.

“And then I peed…I peed against my brother’s car…it is mine now”

“Sasuke, this is not national geographic, dattebayo” Naruto sighed.

“He is moody because we haven’t fucked in the car yet” I whispered. The woman nodded understanding.

“Car sex is the best” She winked.

“What are you in for?” I asked.

“Possession of heroin” She said.

“What?! No, you are the story of your own life, you are a heroine”

“Wrong heroin…Sasuke, dattebayo” Naruto sighed.

“An anti-heroine?” I looked confused at Naruto who shook his head and set back. He opened his arm and I took it and rested my head on his chest. I could feel his hand pull the jacket slightly down.

“What are you in for?” I asked the man next to the woman.

“I sell crack to teens”

“We are teens” I grabbed Naruto’s shirt.

“I guess I am a total asshole now?” The man said and I shook my head.

“No, no!” I let go of Naruto and pointed my finger at the man like I was scolding him.

“Good people do bad things, that doesn’t make them bad people! Am I a bad person?” I asked the four other people in the jail. They remained quiet.

“Exactly! And I…” I looked at Naruto before leaning in and whispering, “I killed a man” I pushed my finger against my lips so they knew it was a secret. “But it doesn’t make me a bad son of a bitch…because my mom wasn’t a bitch, she was a psychopath, totally different things, she was a good mother! But…she did try to kill me” I sighed and sat back, “But fuck that! You are a good man! You go sell that crack to those teens!”

“Sasuke, no!”

“Sasuke, yes! I will buy some from you even!” I shouted and stood up. “We might be lost in society’s eyes, but fuck them! We are awesome! And not fucking buzzkills!”

“I will never ever insult you in my life again knowing this is the result…” Naruto remained quiet before frowning, “You are very bad at sex” He suddenly spoke up.

“Oh, hold up!” I looked at Naruto, “Hoe, you don’t know the half of the shit I am actually willing to do!” I sat back down and lean in to whisper in his ear, “I have like…A very…very wet mouth”

“I know…I kissed you…remember?” Naruto wrapped his arm around me, trying to keep me seated.

“You know what we should do…we should escape-”

“No!” Naruto immediately protested.

“Then we should party in here and show them jail has nothing on us! It is time for an-” I jumped up, “EPIC RAP BATTLE!”

“Sasuke, stop jumping!” Naruto grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him before lowering the jacket.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry” I grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips, “I won’t lose, I am really good! I can take any of you!” I said and started beatboxing.

“Kid is not bad” The man stood up,”What the hell? I have nothing to do anyway” The man said and started rapping.

“Owh Sasuke, you wanna back out?” Naruto asked.

“Bitch, I have watched 8 Miles twice! Gimme a beat!” I pointed at Naruto who chuckled before starting beatboxing.

“You call that a rap?
Bitch, you sounding like a sap;
It ain’t shocking that you’re so slow,
Cause yours lines got no flow;
Your nasty breath and balding head,
No wonder no one goes in your bed;
Who’d fuck a sad little slob?
No hooker is gonna do that job;
You wanna hear the truth right now?
Ya mama is a big fat cow;
Oh? And how do I know?
Cuz I bend her over and give her a show;
Now imma give you some advice,
Consider this me being nice;
Next time you in Konoha?
Don’t mess with the motherfucking Uchiha” I pretended to hold a mic and drop it.

“Oooohh he got you!” The others shouted.


“There is only one person in the world that called me by my full name” I turned my head to the bars seeing Itachi stand there with Shisui.

“Nailed it, princess!” Shisui said, but Itachi punched his arm causing Shisui to clear his throat, “I am deeply disappointed”

“I knew it, whenever there is trouble, you are involved” Itachi pointed at Naruto.

“I am deeply disappointed” Shisui added. Itachi looked at Shisui.

“You got nothing else?” Itachi asked.

“It is four in the morning…I got nothing…” Shisui sighed.

“Lucky for you two, they paid your bail…and no charges pressed” The officer said. “He slapped me in the face, puked on me shoes and peed on a car” The officer looked at Itachi.

“Uzumaki Naruto, wait till your father hears about this” Shisui said.

“Ohw, that is fine” Naruto said.

“And your mother!” Itachi hissed

“I am going to die” Naruto let his head hang.

“Actually…guys…I am the one who did this” I said, biting my lower lip.

“You reek of alcohol, did he make you drink!?” Itachi quickly wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly.

“Actually…I drank and he is…he is sober” I said.

“Where are your clothes?” Shisui took his coat off, wrapping it around me. I hissed.

“Well…they are in Itachi’s car, I..I got warm” I lied. “But Naruto was the one who like…insisted on going home after finding out I had some drinks, so…it was all me” I admitted.

“This isn’t like you at all” Itachi grip tightened around my arm.

“I didn’t want to be a buzzkill” I sighed, “I just wanted some fun” I looked up, putting up a pouting and innocent face.

“You stole my car, got drunk, got naked, slapped an officer, puked on an officer, peed on my car and went to jail…in one night! You…you wish you had died when I am done with you” Itachi pulled me by the arm. Well, fun was over.

“Come with us, we are going to drive you home” Shisui said, giving Naruto a small push in the right direction.

“Are you really going to tell my mom, dattebayo?” Naruto asked. Shisui didn’t answer and just sighed.

“Hey, I appreciate you took care of him, it must have been really-”

“Hard? Oh, it was terribly hard and it was so hard I swear it would rip out of my pants” Shisui frowned and looked confused. Naruto swallowed, “We…we were talking different kinds of hard…dattebayo…”


*next morning*

“Fucking kill me already!I I can’t…I can’t!” I laid on the rug, hugging my knees and trying to hide my face.

“No…you did this…you have to suffer and learn from the pain” Itachi said, rewinding the video his dashcam recorded last night. I could see myself on the screen again, drunk as I could possible be, trying to seduce Naruto. I looked like a fucking idiot, I am a fucking idiot.

“Don’t you have to go to work or something!” I shouted.

“Nope…we are going to do this all day” he said, crossing his legs.

“Hey, what are you guys doing?” Madara entered the living room.

“Shaming Sasuke” Itachi said it with a smirk spread across his face.

Oxoxox special thanks to @failureoftheyear for editing and for the awesome rap they wrote for this one shot oxoxoxo


Below the cut are a bunch of one-liners pulled from Marina and the Diamonds’ album·“The Family Jewels.”

“Are you satisfied with an average life?”
“Drinking champagne to forget yesterday, ‘cause I remember the way it ended.”
“Better to be hated than loved for what you’re not.”
“It’s easy to be sleazy when you’ve got a filthy mind.”
“Do you think you will be good enough?”
“All you ever think about are sick ideas involving me and you.”
“Hollywood infected your brain.”
“I’m a fucking wild card.”
“You’re just a little bit too much like me.”
“I feel like I’m the worst, so I always act like I’m the best.”
“Well, you don’t know fuck about my family.”
“I feel numb most of the time.”
“I’ve got nowhere to go.”

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HHNF Chapter 1

Written adaptation by One-True-Lloyd 

“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned,”  

- William Cosgrove

“Any sign of it?”

“Nothing yet”the researcher sighed as he rested his eyes for a brief moment, lowering his binoculars as his colleague kept scanning the skies “it should breach any moment now th..” snapping his head to the dark night sky as a distant boom filled the silent night. Their eyes watching the small ball of light hurtle through the sky before impacting a few miles further out of the town.

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Sentence Starters: Dawson's Creek Edition
  • ❝I just don’t think it’s a good idea for me to sleep over anymore, you know?❞
  • ❝I’m not suggesting leather straps and Crisco, just a kiss.❞
  • ❝Actually something a little sexy would be good, I gotta a maybe sorta date this evening.❞
  • ❝Well, I’m a Pisces, I’m into body piercings, and men with tattoos.❞
  • ❝ Uh, excuse me, young man! This woman here thinks you’re very attractive!❞
  • ❝Oh god, she’s perfect.❞
  • ❝Well, if you can stand the shock, I actually came to see you. I need some advice.❞
  • ❝ It’s just that he seemed so disappointed in me, which of course made me angry and now I don’t know where we are.❞
  • ❝First of all, girls are attracted to romance more than anything.❞
  • ❝I want you to look at me and see the person you’ve always known and realize that what we have is so much more incredible than just some passing physical attraction…❞
  • ❝Oh, the first date. This will be interesting. Hey, what’s wrong?❞
  • ❝ Good because I know a good motel.❞
  • ❝Why are you so angry.❞
  • ❝Well, be proud of yourself. Enjoy this moment. A loser like you probably won’t have many more like it.❞
  • ❝Here I am single, sandwiched in-between two women who both dumped me. I am pathetic.❞
  • ❝Why is it that we’re so ridiculously intent on pleasing the people who dislike us the most?❞
  • ❝ It’s not too late to bail, okay? Believe me.❞
  • ❝So you’re a smartass? Guess that’s why they put us together. People think I’m a smartass too.❞
  • ❝True Love isn’t a person, it’s an idea. An unattainable idea.❞
  • ❝You have no problem taking a swing at a guy, but you can’t tell a girl how you feel about her. Man, your pathetic.❞
  • ❝ Am I supposed to feel good knowing that I have the power to change somebody’s life?❞
  • ❝What makes a girl decide to spend the night with a guy she hardly knows?❞


anonymous asked:

what are the best fanfics usuk omegaverse version?


((Excuse my blatant patheticness I am both a fangirl and an IB student and I have no life outside of Tumblr ^^;))

I actually have an omegaverse tag!! All my previously rec’ed omegaverse fics are under that tag~~ I’ll list some of my favourites here too:

Aimez-Moi by avalonroses, snowyfoxpaws:  It all begins with an alpha, an elevator, and the mistaken presumption of a language barrier.

The Hero Master Planner by avalonroses:  Arthur can’t decide if Alfred’s cat, Hero, is actually a hero or just a menace. Either way, he’s responsible for getting Arthur’s cat pregnant and Arthur is not best pleased.

Always Comes Too Late by Liete: “He’d heard tales of the unmateable omega—namely Arthur—who worked at one of the coffee shops on campus, and while Alfred’s initial goal had been to meet and tease Arthur, he’d wound up actually wanting him instead.” In which Alfred and Arthur are both idiots who can’t see what is right in front of them. ((So it’s not actually completed but this can be read as a one shot and I absolutely love this))

Untitled by bluewritesfanfiction: Alfred is an alpha vet when Arthur walks into his office in heat and with his cat.

Come Full Circle by sweetayako15: Sometime the Past catches up to us no matter how many barriers we create.

O is for Omega by Zeplerfer: After twenty-five years waiting for his soul mate, Arthur realized he had a problem as the fateful day drew closer and closer. His watch was set to go off *during* his heat. Those five days he spent completely alone, cocooned in his nest with his favorite toys and a stockpile of food and water, so horny and loaded with pheromones that he’d fuck anyone who came within his grasp. That was when he was going to meet his soul mate… Wonderful.

Safe and Sound by SEMellark: Growing up and falling in love puts everything into perspective.

Coffee Break

A/N: I won’t be a proper Bucky x reader writer if I do not include the Coffeeshop!AU, now will I? I have tons of these drabbles lying around, especially coffee related ones. I’m pathetic, I know. Anyway, I got inspired by the video on instagram about the guy who’s always bringing coffee for his girlfriend at work…. And as usual, I am just writing for fun.

Pairing: Bucky x reader

You rubbed your eyes for the umpteenth time as you walked into Starbucks, sleep still clinging to your eyes. It was particularly early but you were running a bit late. Being a salesperson at Apple gave you no leeway for tardiness. However, to function properly, you needed your daily dose of caffeine. So, there you were, tapping your foot impatiently as you wait for the barista to make your latte.

As you wait, you checked your watch, seeing that you only got 10 minutes left. Anxiety started building and the limited time constraint making you feel claustrophobic. Your breaths were getting uneven when the barista slid two identical looking cups on the bar before you.

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