am i blonde

Reading about Alexander the Great is so much more fun if you add ‘no homo’ to the end of his gayest exploits:

  • “yo, hephaestion, you know who was totally rad? achilles. i’m gonna constantly publicly compare myself to him, so you should totally do the same with his bud patroclus! i mean, some of the greatest minds of our time have written about how they were totally doin’ it, but no homo!”
  • “heey, hephaestion! ya know how we were talking about good ol’ achilles and his boy patroclus? well how 'bout we take a detour to troy to pay tribute at their tombs and then maybe we can oil each other up and run naked down a beach ha ha no homo!”
  • “the dorians? oh yeah, us macedonians are definitely related to the dorians. a lot of greeks credit the dorians with introducing man-on-man sex to greece, it was a behavior that was even expected of their ruling class … no homo.”
  • “hey, bagoas, nice dancing. you know what wouldn’t be gay? if we made out. right here. everyone wants it. come on, bro, no homo.”
  • “what’s that?” “oh nothing, hephaestion. just a letter from that delightful fellow we met living in a barrel, diogenes of sinope. it’s really nothing … here’s something about me 'yielding’ to your thighs … uh, no homo …”
  • “hey, hephaestion, let’s get married together! no homo!”
  • “yo, hephaestion, you know what totally wouldn’t be gay? if you died and i wept over your corpse for a day straight until i had to be dragged away and maybe i wouldn’t eat for a whole two days cause i was too busy sobbing and then i spent anywhere from 10,000 to 12,000 talents, which is like a billion dollars, on funerary shit and i could extinguish that sacred flame that’s only supposed to be extinguished upon the death of the great king but whatever i mean you too are alexander and i could try to get you deified and then maybe the grief caused by your death could contribute to my declining mental and physical health over the next eight months until i also died ha ha NO HOMO!”

I told you I spent an entire day drawing Silmarillion children! Here’s a bunch of dark-haired babies.

I FORGOT THAT DRAWING SMALL FACES IS REALLY HARD

So this is roughly how I like to imagine Laurent throughout the series. The first one he has his circlet on, the second I drew him with the earring on, and the third is him on trial in Ios.

The only problem with this is that having grown my hair out many a time and I’m not entirely sure what the time span the books have but I’m like 90% it’s not long enough for his hair to grow that long but WHO CARES ARTISTIC LICENSE

Plus I was eating a cutie so of course I was like YES. ORANGES. I can be artsy and put the peel in the frame bc Laurent I am A GENIUS.

5

Overgrown Community Pool @ 11:34PM 

D(ANGER): PART I [Next]