am i allowed to cry now






For NTs: Manic Impulse Explained

It’s not what it looks like. It’s not wilful self destruction. It’s not a cry for help.

Imagine the most important moment of your life, the pivotal decision, the fork in the road that changes everything 

- accelerated.

So I want to instantly (this very hour) do a thing… this very, VERY important thing.

This is the thing that I have only realised RIGHT NOW is so incredibly imperative. I know it’s impulsive but it’s utterly, utterly brilliant. This is what I need to do. It’s such a great idea. Besides I’m young, this is supposed to be my time, I am allowed to be spontaneous! I can’t believe I’ve only just realised how much I really, really need to do This thing. This is absolutely what I was supposed to be doing all along!! I’m going to do it right now, no point waiting, I’m more sure of This than any decision I’ve ever made before! I have absolute freedom, I am without restriction, I will accelerate to euphoria and success.

Possibilities for ‘This’:

◻️ Drop out of college to pursue something I’ve never even heard of before.

◼️ Resign from a good job I actually enjoy.

◻️ Classic ‘Sex, Drugs and Psychosis’ brand of mania.

◼️ Viciously abandon every friend I have because ‘they’re holding me back’.

◻️ Literally run away to live with someone I’ve only just met.

◼️ Buy business supplies in bulk, for an idea I’m bound to have later.

◻️ Dump my boyfriend/girlfriend on a complete and utter whim, to revel in the turmoil.

◼️ Abandon life, buy a one way ticket to a country I have nothing to do with, have nowhere to stay, no way to get back and no money or safety when I get there.

◻️ Tattoo of something so profound I can’t even articulate why I want it.

◼️ Drink all the spirits in the house alone for literary ‘inspiration’.

◻️ Play with knives to feel the power of taunting mortality.

◼️ Seduce this romantically committed person, chronic boredom likes challenges.

◻️ Buy 14 pairs of these same shoes: it’s an investment.

◼️ Stop taking my meds because they’re stealing my potential. Manic me is the true me, they’ll take her away . After all, what if the Doctor’s are wrong? Maybe I function in a higher plane, all great innovators do, and there must be a misunderstanding.

◻️ Open water swimming, alone, at night, in a very angry sea.

◼️ Start collecting reptiles… I think I’ll start with five… I’ll be going to the shop now.

At the time these decisions don’t appear reckless, ridiculous, risky or wrong. They seem like the most sensible and obvious thing in the world. We are not attention seeking. We don’t have a death wish. Our ability to judge risk is just monumentally impaired and the urgency of these actions becomes overpowering. This is why unintentional death is so notably high in rapid cycling bipolars.

We are brave and inspired and running on double time to the people around us. We are the glorious and the invincible… and sometimes we are running into traffic for the joy of the adrenaline hit.

We’re hitting the ground running… hard… and usually in the face.

If you’re able to help us, please do, but know what you’re looking it. Stare the ugliness of mania in the face but know, with doubtless certainty, that for us, it is most beauteous thing, the most precious place we’ll ever be.

And it’s going to be heartbreaking to leave.

mrriggerworld  asked:

We all give Kara grief for being so obvious with her identity, but Alex is definitely worse, at least at the DEO, because you know she's got a clamshell picture frame on her desk, Kara dressed up for her first day at CatCo on one side, early Supergirl victory pose on the other, and whenever J'onn tries to say something, Alex just gives him a look like "Am I not allowed to be proud of my sister now?" and he walks away, because he keeps pictures of the both of them in his wallet.

because he keeps pictures of both of them in his wallet.

Okay I wasn’t going to say anything because I had already posted a gifset but I’m crying yet again so here we go

Before I started watching you, I had no idea who I was. I don’t think I even cared enough to find out. But after watching your videos, interacting with the community…That changed. I’m starting to know who I truly am. I’m starting to accept who I am.

I’m really excited to see where you go and to see what you do next, because I know it’s going to be absolutely wonderful.

Thank you for everything.

courtneyafrica: Doing what we have done best for over a decade. Story telling and laughing. Happy Birthday my friend. I may be one of your besties but I am also one of your biggest fans. What a ride we have been on. We never fail to laugh, cry, motivate, mentor, guide and support one another on every level. From the small stuff to the big stuff. From love to life. You are my ears and my ever so sane voice. The world now sees your strength and beauty that is from the inside out that I have seen since that very first meeting all those years ago. You are the only friend I will allow to call me Knoxy. (Inside joke) I love you and here is to many more. Happy Happy Rubes. @rubyrose 🎂💙🙌🏻

anonymous asked:

What do you do when the person who meant absolutely everything to you just leaves your life and acts like you never meant anything to them.. Someone you never ever thought you'd ever live a life without. Someone that you've been through so much with. I'm hurting and I don't know what to do. She was everything to me and I would've done anything for her..

I am so sorry, my friend. I know it’s hard but you will get through this. It doesn’t seem like it now, but it will happen. You have to allow yourself to heal. Cry, feel the emotions, but don’t let them consume you. Focus on you for a while and take it day by day. Do things to stay busy and things that make you happy. Time is your best friend and there’s no deadline of when you need to be over this. Day by day.

okay so percy’s messages to EVERYONE were gorgeous and wonderful and made me tear up but the pike one just made me really especially happy because, as is my wont, i am always most emo about pike & percy

Pike, it is good to have you home. You bring everyone closer to their best selves, and I can only imagine what a burden that must be. Allow yourself some vice and failure. We’ll still love you just the same.”

anonymous asked:

By light sticks, I'm pretty sure venues mean the kind of glowsticks that are filled with liquid and you have to break for them to work! ARMY Bombs and similar things should be allowed!

yeah that’s what i am thinking as well!

Anonymous said:So I can’t even wear glow sticks:( or bring my own light stick:( the army bomb is so expensive now I’m sad:(

Anonymous said:I feel like crying I don’t even have an army bomb and now honda center is not letting me bring my own light stick…:(

dont be sad… it’s is only for the honda center and it’s not confirmed other than the generic copy/paste they put into the description. i will try to message powerhouse as well to see 

anonymous asked:

My beautiful flower, I am so sorry. I wish I could be there to hold and comfort you. It hurts me to know you are in pain. I am on my way to you. I promise to get there as quickly as I can. Hold tight to the knowledge that he loved and believed in you very much, as do I. You are an amazing woman and I feel so very honored that you allow me even the privilege to look upon you. If I could, I would move the stars if it would make you smile. I promise you will smile again someday, my heart. - Gadreel

And now I’m crying again, thank you so much, this is so lovely <3

im so pissed like other than going to some movies with my PARENTS (who i am forced to hang out with if i want to get out of the house bc im not allowed to have friends or go out by myself) and being stuck in a car with them for like 4 shitty hours on a “road trip” i didn’t do anything this whole spring break and now i want do something nice like go to the museum and my dad wastes a bunch of time and now we can’t go because there’s no time to go now because it’s almost time to pick my mom up from work. like i want to cry im so frustrated like i can’t handle this mess

To all my boys who are getting their periods

☆ U are super hella manly and nothing will change that without ur say-so.
☆ It’s ok to take pain meds or a day off, or whatever u need to feel ok again.
☆ U are allowed to feel/express pain and emotion just like cis men are.
☆ It doesn’t make u any less manly to complain about ur period.
☆ I know it can be hard, but keep urself clean. Infections are easy to get and hard af to get rid of, and they are NOT fun.
☆ Take care of urself. Whether that means laying in bed or eating chocolate or running a mile or just having a good cry.
☆ There is nothing unmanly about bleeding for 2-7 days a month. That’s hardcore af.
☆ I am ur big brother now, and it’s ok to reach out to me or anyone else for help when u need it.
☆ Again, u ARE manly. Nothing about ur body changes that. Even the things u hate or the things that suck. U. Are. Hella. Manly.
☆ If anyone is mean to u, or tries to tell u that ur not a man, eat them.

I may be shutting down this blog in the near future

I made this blog very much as a statement, a rallying cry to allow trans men to present how they wished without being told that they were ‘transtrenders’ or being subjected to gatekeeping within our own community. Only a handful of such blogs existed at the time. Now, the message I was trying to spread has really taken off, and while I have some mixed feelings regarding parts of it, I am glad that, at least on tumblr, it has become more widely understood that trans men do not all conform to a single ideal. 

I realized a while ago that my voice on this matter is really no longer needed, and since then I’ve been struggling to find a new path for this blog. It became very me-centric, and started to turn into just another personal blog, which I felt was unnecessary, considering my main is my personal. 

I have not posted much here lately, and when I do feel the urge to post, a lot of it is more LGBT discourse-y, which I feel isn’t really appropriate. 

I feel that the time may be coming in which I say goodbye and delete this blog. If there were any posts that you wanted to hold on to for future reference, you may want to reblog them or save them in your drafts. If you would like to follow my personal blog, feel free to ask for it, though please understand that I am not comfortable with minors following it. 

Thank you for following me!

  • Brent: What are the Pascal rules?
  • Me: People will let you down, what matters is if they pick you back up or not
  • Me: If you're made too insecure to be open about your feelings, take the loss, don't play/fake the game
  • Me: If you have to go to outside people to figure out something that isn't being resolved between the involved parties, it is already over.
  • Brent: Ok now the Adam rules
  • Me: Condoms condoms condoms
  • Me: If he needs to spit on it you are wasting your time
  • Me: If he can't handle your discharge stains he is not allowed to see your panties at all
  • Brent: Ok now Jeremy rules
  • Me: All girls are pretty, there is no reason to think I am not
  • Me: Don't cry in his car, or anyone's car, car crying is the worst trap
  • Me: Just because I am not good at something doesn't mean I can't like it
  • Me: Say what you think and feel, always, immediately, cuz "I can't fucking read your mind Ksauce you need to speak the fuck up life is so easy and reliable when you speak"
  • Brent: Now my rules.
  • Me: Never love anyone or anything because life is meaningless and everyone leaves
  • Me: No happy voice before 10am
  • Me: Keep only people who might not like or want my bouncy ass nonsense but still protect my joys
  • Brent: Now, save these somewhere, and any time you need to talk to me about your feelings, check this list first, because I am awful busy and will not be sweet to you about your dumbass non problems.
  • Me: Thanks
  • Brent: Been 40 years of this. I am finally getting decent at it.

okay, but am I allowed to laugh bitterly at the fact that Sleepy Hollow used to be known as a cool/smart/progressive show, and now its only reputation is that it’s absolute shit and probably isn’t even worth watching at all?? 


I want to laugh, but I also lowkey wanna cry


And then guess what? They let us in.

We were some of the last people in line. I think maybe five people were behind us? Fifteen minutes before closing, the line was still unbelievably long. There was no way I was gonna get to see him.

Fifteen minutes passed and the convention had closed but they allowed the people who were in line to stay over so they could meet them.

That was when I started to cry because I knew then that it was really gonna happen.

I got up there, my hands drawing to my mouth as I sobbed lightly. 

And he said, in that extremely familiar tone, “Well hey there!”

And he opened his arms and pulled me into him.

And guys. I’m no exaggerating.

Being hugged by Markiplier is literally one of the greatest feelings in the world.

It is a happiness that lingers with you.

When he pulled away, he looked at me and said, “See? Now that you’ve met me, I’m really not all that special, am I?”

And I looked right back at him, making eye contact, and even though I was crying and sobbing like a doof, I was able to clearly say, “No, no. You are.” 

He gave me a second to (somewhat) compose myself, offering sweet words the whole time, and he took these pictures on my phone. I couldn’t stop making that stupid crying face until I saw the faces he was making.

I know he had to have seen at least 600 other people yesterday. Hell, he’s probably gonna see over twice that many today. And I know he had to have said that thing about not being special at least a dozen times. 

But that moment was still mine. And it was special. Just like him.

Just like me.

Just like all of you. 

i had this idea for a fanfic or a comic for billdip, where bill kinda spills out how he watched his world burn and is now the only survivor and whiles he’s yelling he starts to cry and is like “OH NO WHY AM I LEAKING?? NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT.”
then dipper explains what crying is like, then hugs him and Bill allows himself to cry while into the arms of his first friend in a long time.