am i a now or

Long Way Down // Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: A little bit of everything really

The end had finally come and despite the amount of time you spent preparing for it, it still felt like a punch in your stomach. The knot in your throat was painful and your lungs still struggled for air to breathe. Tears clouded your eyes and turned your vision blurry until his face was unrecognizable.

“You’re a coward,” you cried. “A fucking coward!”

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tinkdw  asked:

I headcanon Ketch is all over 'alternative substances' ....

You know what, I think you’re right. But I don’t think his idea of a good time on drugs and DEAN’S idea of a good time on drugs is the same.

Dean is the “let’s split this joint and watch movies under some warm blankets and eat nachos” kind of dude

Ketch is the “let’s do cocaine off a stripper’s ass in the casino VIP lounge on a Tuesday afternoon” kind of dude

(Ketch is a thrill-seeking adrenaline junkie - motorcycle, tattoos, reckless awol missions/problem with authority, indiscriminate killing. Dean is not. Often they are poised as the same in canon, but their reasons for doing similar things are different, which I think would translate here as well.)

It’s really fucking weird that I’m basically convinced that my abuser somehow has access to all my thoughts and all the things I say and he can tune his radio to different stations to ear the different parts of my brain HOWEVER when my therapist asks me ‘are you afraid that he’s also watching you on social media?’ I’m like,??? No???? Why would I be scared of that… that’s dumb. Like??? THATS the part that’s dumb? Me @ me: bitch what the Actual Fuckity Heck


It’s just that you’re about to do something out of the ordinary. And after you do something like that, the everyday look of things might seem to change a little. Things may look different to you than they did before. But don’t let appearances fool you.

                                                                                 There’s always only one reality.

Empire is Complicated

Call me dysfunctional, but I still ship Cookie and Lucious? It’s so hard to explain.

Like, the layers of this show and their relationships are incredible. Like, on one hand Lucious is so wrong all the time. On the other hand and at the same time, no doubt in my mind that he would throw down for his family. He would kill for his family. The things Lucious Lyon would do for his family, honestly. I have no doubt.

Cookie has sacrificed so much. So, so much and she’s so underappreciated a lot of the times. Especially by Lucious. Yet, it’s Lucious who seems to remember that she went to prison for 17 years. Remembers and forgets. Forgets and remembers. If it makes sense. He’s the only one who doesn’t use it (if I remember correctly) against her as an insult (i.e. Anika called her a jailbird once for instance). If anything, he never disrespects that (even if he and Cookie throw disrespect at each other, much deserved on Lucious part).

Cookie and Lucious, though, when the time comes, come together when it’s time to remind people who runs the Empire. And, most especially, when their kids are in danger. Because for all his wrong Lucious is right along Cookie as his kids #1 backup when shit gets dire. Too, I think Lucious understands his kids in certain ways Cookie doesn’t and same for Cookie in ways Lucious doesn’t. So they fit like two puzzle pieces.

And damn if they don’t love each other. Everything they do, every shot they take is because of how much they love and care for each other. Every gesture. I think I ship it because it’s intense. And if it were anybody but Taraji and Terrence I don’t know if it could have worked. The chemistry is like magic in the sky on the 4th of July.

It’s grandeur. It’s dysfunctionality. It’s functionality. It’s straight up gangster because Cookie and Lucious are just that. Everything about them is intense.

It makes you feel so wrong though sometimes because some of the shit is straight up abusive, especially on Lucious part. The Lyons are dysfunctional, but that’s part of how they work, honestly. Hell, it’s part of how they function.

And the glue that holds it all together is that they’re all so damn loyal to each other. At the end of the day, nothing is going to make them just not be there for each other when shit hits the fan in a do or die kind of way. They’re all ride or die for each other when it truly counts. Note the feds storyline.

The Lyons, especially Cookie and Lucious, are complicated. And that’s how I think the viewers are supposed to feel about their relationship with the show too.

Also it’s worth mentioning that I’m not falling to pieces, surprisingly. I’m the best I’ve been in a really long time and I’m surprisingly confident in myself and getting everything done. So the stress is less like fuck me I don’t want to exist stress and a little more like this is an awful lot and I’m having a hell of a time hiking up this mountain stress. The point is– I’m doing really good, I’m just learning how to juggle/balance a lot of things.