am channel


Just back from the best week that’s ever happened

This has been so wonderful, I can’t even put it into words. I am channeling some serious 2009!Dan feels right now because my person is far away and I just spent a week with them and now I am home again and this all feels completely wrong. But these photos map out some of the best times we’ve ever had

The first row are all cute things we saw or bought. The cactus lamps instantly made us think of Phil, they’d fit right into Dan and Phil’s flat wouldn’t they xD (plus Charlotte nearly bought them and is probably going to go back to them at some point if her expression was anything to go by). The bonsai trees were just randomly in a market and then we had a selection of Japanese treats to try and it was sticky and questionable but also super fun

The second row is places we went outside to and had fun in nature (and saw a Dan and Phil bird pair - literally, the monochrome one is Dan and the yellow one is Phil and the Dan bird wouldn’t lift its head out of Phil bird’s side, very in character) walking around outside with my person holding hands was the nicest and I didn’t even care about being in public, I was with my person and that was all that mattered

The third row is our matchy matchiness. We made the pumpkin spice pumpkin cookies and decorated them in QPR colours with our initials, Charlotte bought me stickers (AGAIN WHY IS SHE LIKE THIS) and she has a Dan on her laptop and I have a Phil on my tablet, and then we gave our Dan and Phil plushies a QPR flag cookie too because QPR verse Dan and Phil is part of what brought us together

Best week ever. This is why I have been fairly inactive in terms of fic and answering messages. I have been with my person and it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me <3

today in “youtube’s recommendation algorithm completely misunderstands what i’m interested in”: i am recommended a channel consisting entirely of livestreams of a creepy dude sitting in a corner and just staring at the camera for 4 hours, 3 times a week

listen to me. listen. jensen ackles is so hot. the only singular thought in my head when he’s on screen is “hot.” I’ve been staring at his fucking face for the past four years of my life and still it’s just. hot. you’d think I’d get used to it? get over it? grow weary of it? my tired eyes cannot take this much longer. he’s so hot. why am I like this. hot.


promise me a place

in your house of memories

Of Dazai and the Old Boss – An Analysis Report

Wordcount: 1.374.

So ever since I started reading the manga, there was always one character I always wondered about; the Old Boss, or the boss that came before Mori. Sure he seemed like an unimportant side character in the way he’s presented, but I have reasons to believe he’s more than that.

First, let’s compile what we know about him.

1.     He was ruthless even when he’s not bedridden and paranoid, as was said by Kouyou whose lover was killed because she tried to escape the Mafia with him.

And again when Tanizaki tried to kill Mori but was stopped by Kouyou, saying that if Mori died, the Mafia would return to its ‘wretched ways’. We can say with complete confidence that Mori’s way is so much ‘kinder’ than the old boss.

2.       He was bedridden with illness that also made him paranoid of attacks. This is not the case before the illness strike because Hirotsu mentioned he become like that after the illness. If Mori hadn’t stopped him by slicing his throat, he would have burnt Yokohama down.

4.       Wait that’s it? Yep. All we knew about him was in that episode and that chapter. But what we know about him was profound.

First let’s look at this scene:

Notice how Hirotsu mentioned Dazai specifically? Here’s the original panel for that scene:

In this, we can confidently say that Hirotsu singled out Dazai about how was the one who should’ve been most not alright with the development. The words used for it ‘Dazai –kun mo rikai suru tokoro de attarou‘  implies this. It hints that Dazai should’ve been resentful to Mori because he killed the Old Boss. But against all odds, he understood why Mori did what he did.

Then there’s this scene.

It really bothered me and when I looked deeper this is what cemented my conclusion of Dazai and the Old Boss’ connection. So as we could see in this scene, Mori killed the Old Boss and had Dazai become the sole witness. Now this premise has many problems.

1. Other than Mori, who was a doctor so obviously he was to take care of the sick, notice that Dazai was the only one in the room. Now this is strange. He was the only one who was by the Old Boss’ side, all alone in the room with the vulnerable, sick man when there’s no doctor to hover on the bedside. This in and of itself is a proof of their bond. If they weren’t well-known to have it, then all the Mafia would be suspicious to the fact that he’s accompanying the boss when he’s the most vulnerable.

On top of that he was entrusted with the Boss’ security as he was in the room with Mori who might or might not harm him (spoiler, he harmed the boss.) so he was supposed to be the one to care the most about the Old Boss’ wellbeing.

2.       As we know from the light novel, Odasaku mentioned that Dazai was considered to become an Executive at 16. In this scene he was only 14 and at that point of time, he had enough sway in the Organization that he can be the sole witness to the boss’ will and everyone just—nods and go along with it, making Mori the new boss despite them should be having Five Executive that would have fought for the seat. Why?

3.       In this case, Dazai cannot be adopted and raised by Mori as the fandom believed. If he was Mori’s and he became the sole witness everyone would call bull on it because he’d be perceived as Mori’s accomplice in taking out the Old Boss. They’d be executed and one of the upper echelon would take the throne themselves.

This would only work if the Port Mafia to believe that he couldn’t harm the boss and wouldn’t let harm come to him.

But what about this picture, you ask? Well, Mori did have a connection with Dazai too seing how Dazai got the coat he wore from before he was 14 to 18 from him. That’s a good 4 years wearing the same thing. I think this was actually the same case with Chuuya not appearing in the Dark Era; the plot has yet to be told to the readers and kept secret.

And then there’s the possibility that they knew each other because of Dazai’s wounds. If the Old Boss is as ruthless as Kouyou made him out to be, it won’t be far-fetched to say he’s the one resposible for Dazai’s numerous injuries and was frequently sent to Mori, the doctor, to get treatment.

Summary:  the Organization needs to know Dazai well and for some reason connect him with not only being close enough to the Old Boss for it not be strange for him to be all alone in the room with him and having enough credibility that he can’t possibly lie about the Old Boss’ last will. On top of that, he needs some reason to be the one ‘most not alright with it’ in a personal sense.

So what would make this credible? What could make this work? It would be if by doing so he was giving up his rights to the throne.

Here cometh my conclusion: Dazai was the Old Boss’ son and the rightful heir to the Port Mafia. If he was one, it won’t be strange for him to have credibility as 14-year old kid claiming to be the sole witness to a boss of The Mafia’s biggest bad that made a city doctor its next Boss.  More than that, it would be natural for him to spend time alone in the Boss’ bedside when he was sick and vulnerable.

No, I won’t be dropping Darth Vader’s ‘I am your father’ bomb here, despite it being extremely tempting. How many father and child bound by blood have you seen in BSD? That’s right, none. No reason to break the pattern now.

But what is prevalent? Adopting orphans. Hell, it was dropped by Odasaku in his last moment as one of Dazai’s driving force. In fact, most of the main cast are either adopted orphans or have adopted an orphan. (Fukuzawa & Ranpo, Kunikida & Rokuzo, Akutagawa/Atsushi and Dazai, need I go on?)

Here’s my verdict: Dazai was the heir to the Port Mafia because he was the Old Boss’ adopted. When the Old Boss died, everyone in the Mafia who knew about it, thought that he couldn’t possibly lie because by doing so he’d be defacing the Old Boss and giving away his rights to the throne. This gave him the ultimate credibility and thus allowing Mori to become the next King.

Most of all, this also solve the mystery of Mori’s behavior. Why drive Dazai away when he’s 18, when Mori could’ve killed him or make him go away before? He made the preparation to drive Dazai away two years beforehand when Dazai was 16, a good two years after becoming boss. The answer was because this will reveal his play to his subordinate. In the light novel Odasaku mentioned about Mori’s fearsome reputation for being ruthless and clever as hell. And this is the key; reputation.

If Mori killed Dazai before he got a secure standing in the Mafia, he would be accused to be killing the Old Boss and taking down his heir. Everyone would be on the scent of blood like sharks, especially in a place as cruel as the Mafia. So he got himself a reputation, backed by people loyal to him (Chuuya, Kouyou and, in an extent, Ace who was loyal only to money) and when he was sure that he has shown what he could and would do to the whole Mafia and the world, he cut off Dazai because he was no longer needed and now poses only threat.

By exiling the Prince, he would be able to hog the throne for himself since the older members would not be rallying behind Dazai to retake his rights. Truly a long-running plan befitting of him.

But hey, that’s just a theory. A BSD theory. Aaaand cut.


PopCrave: “’Restricted mode’ does not show videos with anything LGBT+ related in its title and blocks out openly gay YouTubers…”

Thomas: “I sincerely hope this is fixed soon. So upsetting. The LGBTQ+ community should not be ‘restricted’.

As someone who strives very hard to make my videos accessible for all ages, it is so bizarre & unreal to be deemed a restricted channel.

It is all I and many other creators do to simply normalize the existence and inclusion of the LGBTQ+ community, and that’s now deemed inappropriate?”

I can only hope [YouTube] will amend this. In the meantime I’m gonna keep doing what I can do to provide a platform promoting representation.

[YouTube Creators] I strive to make my channel accessible for all ages, so I hope you will indeed look into this & why I am a restricted channel.”

Dodie Clark: “[YouTube Creators] you’re blocking everything with a hint of LGBTQ+! Vids of me swearing aren’t restricted but transwomen makeup tutorials are” 


Johny Kwony offered to give Mark the mic, but Mark encouraged him to go on first since he picked it before him! 
He also offered to advertise himself on their full performance video
He is just too cute! Protect these kids!

Rebuilding process

I’m gonna be serious here, we all know that even though I often focused on making my own content people still only saw me as ‘’Brad’s girlfriend’’. After the breakup was spat out a lot of hate hit my asks and people figuring out that Brad would no longer be part of my videos and vice versa really hit my viewer base hard.

I am not very shocked nor surprised that this happened. Which is why I am currently in a ‘rebuilding process’ of my channel. I am not sure if it will end up being successful or not or if I actually am turning into a ‘dead channel’ or ‘dead twitch streamer’ because the numbers have been dropping heavily. I will continue what I’m doing no matter what happens.

I want to thank everyone who still sticks with me or with my content and I can still make happy throughout all of this, I want to apologize if I ever failed to do so. 

Thank you. 

attention americans!!!

please watch Humans on AMC on Mondays 10/9c, it has lesbians and robots and carrie-ann moss and women dominate the show what else could you ask for, really

What she says: im fine.

What she means: I just don’t understand why Disney didn’t take the opportunity to make Stella Yamada from the hit 2011 Disney Channel Original a lesbian. They had so much subtext to work with. She talks about how she doesn’t ‘fit in’ and how she feels like an outsider with her family and friends. She has the whole badass punk rock guitar playing chick thing going on which is just lesbian bait. She’s the only one in the main cast who doesn’t have a storyline based on love and relationships, like all the others do. She’s played by Hayley Kiyoko, a well known queer woman. I just don’t understand. They completely missed this opportunity. Did they do it on purpose? To reel the gays in? Probably. We’ll never know. Stella Yamada was a victim of the ‘Hide Your Gays’ trope.