I am sooooo tired of this. Like honestly, this has happened like 4 times in the past month, and I don’t understand why people think it’s okay. In general, I’d say I’m a really chill, laid back person who can take jokes made at or about me and once in a while, I’ll make a couple of jokes at myself. But recently, it seems like people take advantage of this or try to push my limits to points that I’m about to punch someone. I’ve learned how to bite my tongue, keep quiet, and walk away, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not angry or hurt by what they’re saying. And to make things worse, even when they DO realize i’m angry or sometimes i even tell them straight up to stop, they STILL CONTINUE to tease me. I mean I’ve realized it always happens when they’re with their friends or something, so I guess they’re kinda fueled by the laughs and encouraged by one another to continue the insulting. Like, I’m just TIRED of having to listen to all these excuses after like “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to” or “i didn’t know it would hurt you this much” or promises that you won’t do it again, when we both know you will. Please just be nice to me. Let’s just have a nice conversation where you’re not ganging up on me.
On top of that, I’m done with you. I thought you were different but boy, did you prove me wrong. Because you’re not. You’re just like the typical boy who has no clue what he wants. I didn’t think so before, but as people told me things and you actually started saying things I’ve never thought you would say, I’ve realized you would not be good for me. So thank you for helping me see this.
Posting a pic cause I’m so stoked Ash & I beat the first seed in doubles today (: They were such assholes LOL one of them like threw her racket at me after she missed a shot. LOL dude, keep it together.
Honestly, it ain’t that bad. I know I complain about third wheeling and being so alone, but it’s actually fine. Okay, I’ll admit. Third wheeling is pretty crappy. HAHA but only because I feel like I’m watching something that I shouldn’t be, or hearing things that should be private (Okay I’m very aware it sounds like my friends are doing dirty, nasty stuff… But I’m referring to the innocent, cute, playful things that go on between two people. OKAY). Being single with all these friends that are in a relationship, isn’t so bad. I know I seem all salty (sorry), but I’m actually incredibly happy that my friends are happy. For instance, one of my friends just got a boyfriend. She’s not the type to talk about boys all day, and she usually keeps to herself about her feelings. But she’s been gushing to me about her boyfriend. It makes me smile to see how she’s so happy and that’s all I want for my friends. So honestly, being single while being surrounded by taken friends isn’t that bad because all that matters is that they’re happy.
So I was playing a tennis match and I was really disgusted with how I was playing so I was talking to myself quietly and said “Alyssa, do you even know how to play tennis or what? Hit the damn ball in the court. You’re such an idiot, I don’t even wanna talk to you right now”… Then, realizing what I said, I looked around hoping that nobody heard what I said because I said I didn’t wanna talk to myself anymore.. LOL wutdafuq.