Shades of Wine, Shades of Gray

Yeah, GREAT, she’s writing again…
Apologies ahead of time.

There’s an echo in your walls;
an imprint of color, a vast display of wear and tear.
At first glance it seems it’s structure holds,
but you’re flimsy at best.

You’ll soon enough throw on a new layer
of that wine-tinted acrylic paint;
put up your proudest images,
neatly aligned in symmetrical frames.
But I’ll still see the damage, masking remorse,
despite your best front.

I walk your halls, slowly.
Taking in every detail. Pinning it to memory.
A maze of tarnished, bitter keepsakes
sing to me to keep them safe,
to bring about a day of cleanse and repair.
But I don’t have the will, or wish, to do so.

If anything I’m slowly gaining the will
to shake off the presence of understanding,
to locate the back door to this man-made Hell,
and burn it to the ground.

Alyssa Ledesma(9-29-10)

Merely a Dedication to the Desperate

I’ve got your dull heat melting away at my brain.

And the knot in my stomach, vaguely resembling courage,

pushes past the first glance and onto the mental Polaroid.

My mind fills in the blanks, the technicolor crossword,

the subtle details my eyes couldn’t quite capture with necessary speed.

You resemble the metaphor I lost in the ocean.

I held it close to my heart,

but the waves of chance and tomorrow pulled it from my grip.

I can’t quite decide if the static of your smile

is a reminiscence, or two-toned deja vu’.

And it’s unclear if your delicate halo

is constructed from paper or plastic,

but either way it’s surely too cheap to be from Heaven.

It feels like the distant voice of irony.

I’m simply your tool for self-destruction.

Your use for abuse

and flattery.

So, now I’ll smear your name from my memory,

before you take on an infinite form

and exist as more then a trick of light.

It’s possible that I’m but a pun in a faded comic,

yesterday’s news,

but you’re just a theory.

Alyssa Ledesma(2010)