always the same song. but i like every single word

anonymous asked:

I'm legit not coming for you but, you call yourself a feminist, So how could you like someone like Taylor swift? Genuine question tho lol. She is the literal meaning of white "feminist".

Well, I started liking Taylor Swift years ago, when I was 19 or 20. Speak Now had just come out when I was breaking up with this guy who treated me pretty badly and had cheated on me. Her album quite literally “spoke to me” (pardon the pun) and was helping me get over him, when I met this new guy.

He and I started dating. We ended up being together for 4 years. But when Taylor went on tour that year, he bought me two tickets to her show as a Christmas present and went with me. He knew that those songs reminded me of my ex, but he also knew that I had gotten past that time in my life THANKS to that album, and wanted to celebrate that. So we went together, and he sat there and watched me dance the night away, surrounded by teen/tween girls screaming in his ear. And he had fun. Because I had fun. He even bought me a Taylor Swift blanket and surprised me with it at the end of the show. That’s when I knew I had a good guy. 

The next Christmas, he and I got engaged. But he was an alcoholic, and eventually it became too toxic for me and I had to leave him. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But he wasn’t getting any better and needed a catalyst for change so I left. Right around that time, Taylor’s next album, Red, came out. I also met one of my best friends around that time, who happened to also love Taylor. She was the only other person in my life that I knew who also loved her. She, along with the Red album, are quite possibly the reason I was able to stay strong through the break up of my engagement. This friend literally took me into her mothers house (along with my dog), went on road trips around the country with me, played Red over and over again until the record scratched. This went on for months and months and she never tired. 

Then I moved down to Florida and I met my most recent ex. The person I fell more in love with than anyone I have ever met. Like that overwhelming, can’t think straight, I’m a gonner, you are everything, kind of in love. I remember the song “State of Grace” playing over and over in my car when I first started dating him, so excited that I had found a new path for myself, a new life, a new love, and it was a clean slate after having to break off one of the most important relationships of my life, with one of the best people I had ever known. 

But, of course, that love didn’t last and lucky me, this guy ended up being the worst person I had ever been with. He abused me in every sense of word and after 2 years of dating left me broken in pieces on the floor (quite literally). This was when 1989 was first leaking, and also when I fell into such a pit of despair, I tried to commit suicide. To make matters worse, he kept coming around, slithering his way back into my life, just to crush me again. It was a toxic and never ending downward spiral. It was also around this time (as luck may have it, history repeats itself) I met another of my now best friends, who was also going through a break up, and I shared 1989 with her. Through the fallout of these horrific relationships we had to deal with, we held on to each other, and we held on to 1989- hard. I remember one night driving to the middle of nowhere and putting the song “Clean” on repeat so we could cry our eyes out for what must have been hours. We literally sat in silence, listening to the track, sobbing in One another’s arms. 

Eventually I won that battle and when I was healthy and happy again, my ex fiance came back into my life. We began talking every few days and I discovered he was healthy, sober, happy and doing really well(as was I). We recounted a ton of old memories and so many of them were filled with Taylor Swift songs - the concert, the fact that “Mine” officially became our song after we got engaged, the first time we danced on his porch and it was to “Fearless”. So much of our relationship began and ended with Taylor Swift’s music and I found myself listening to her old tracks, jumping back into those good times with him. 

Then he died. Suddenly. Brutally. Just gone in the blink of an eye. One day he was there, texting me, calling me, planning a trip to come visit and the next day he was just…dead. Do you know how hard it is to face every single person that your ex fiance ever knew, at his own funeral no less, and listen to them tell you that YOU were the true love of his life? That if he was still alive, you two would have ended up together? How no one after you even compared to you and that you were the reason he was able to get his life together and be BETTER? Do you know how that feels? I hope not. Because I can’t even put it into words. 

There are very few things I have left from that relationship. But what I always kept, which is still on my bed to this day is that Taylor Swift Speak Now blanket. And I don’t care how ratty or old or frayed it gets- I will never let go of it, or the songs that went with our time we shared. 

So you see Anon, I am a feminist. I don’t just call myself one, I am one. But I have been through hell and back in both my relationships and my life, and Taylor Swift’s music has always, somehow, had this magical connection to my history. It has brought me joy, it has given me moments I will never forget, it has introduced me to some of my absolute best friends, it has even quite literally saved my life in my darkest of hours. 

So maybe I don’t always agree with what Taylor Swift does or how she acts when it comes to her whole “girl squad” mentality, etc etc. But what connection I have to her transcends socially constructed political jargon and resonates on a deeper and more spiritual level than I can really even accurately put into words. Every SINGLE song she has ever written, could have been written by me, about someone in my life. Every. Single. One. It’s like her high points and low points, new loves and breakups, friendships and self discoveries all seem to both flourish and crash at the same times and in the same ways mine do.  Put on a song of hers, and I’ll tell you a personal story about that song. Her eras are my eras and I do not have that kind of uncanny connection to anyone else’s music. Not with anyone else in the world. 

And those moments, those memories that she has given me? They are worth a lifetime more than the risk of someone calling me a white feminist just because I like her music, or because it means something to me. 10 lifetimes worth, even. 


(and I could have written this out a lot more eloquently but I figured it was long enough to start)