always got some ink on me

4

I can finally get all these brush settings out of the way so i can STOP getting asked the same quesTION OVER AND OVER :’^)

SO i put them all in one post-

with dumb doodles of me. hot dog!

“WHAT if i don’t have Sidewalk.bltmp?” - You can always use Noise or Fuzystatic to substitute for the brush i use, and Set the texture to Paper.

“Where can i find Brush / Texture Brushes at?” Can always look on Deviantart, they’ve got some there. An old ex friend of mine gave me SAI so idk where she got them, lmao.

Also here’s where i find them coolio brushes!

@ptsbrushes

hope ya’ll like em, now go away.

But it’s not fair,
you’ve got “I love you’’s
in your mouth, not in your heart,
while my whole body sings of you,


But it’s not fair,
you smoke cigarettes,
because you enjoy it, while
I smoke them just to make you like me,


But it’s not fair,
you give me attention
only when you’ve got some free time,
while I free my time just to spend hours with you,


But it’s not fair,
one day you say you love me,
you say you want me in your life,
but when I need you, you disappear,


But it’s not fair,
that someone always loves more,
that someone always tries a little harder,
that someone always ends up hurting,
even when they gave everything they could.

— 

http://writies.tumblr.com/

love me, don’t break me

Some drawing, I made in between jobs. Simply as an exercise in digital ink…. As always with me things got a bit out of hand.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson having a relaxed evening with chatting away and whiskey in between some cases. Or after a successfully solved case.

3

Loot!  Very thematic loot.  Adorably eyebat-pursuing Ford hangs above my computer now.  (He’s really huge, too!)  Excellent products as always, sovo!

I’m still cracking up about the “sniff the ink” note. I’m having a hard time putting into words what his expression says to me, but it’s so very Ford.  (I totally sniffed the ink.) (It doesn’t really smell like much?)  Thank you!  Excellent product design, as always.

Separately, I got some of the Adagio tea blends that @sovonight created. I would be absolutely lying if I said I did not get them in large part for the reusable Ford tins.  (However, I *am* a tea-drinker, and by coincidence or not, the two Ford blends were the ones closest to what I actually like. I’m a big fan of lapsang souchong.)

Chapter 3 Spells Out Why There Are Two Ink Machines

So ever since Chapter 2, we’ve noticed that the Ink Machine blueprint says that it’s the Ink Machine “CK2“.

And what do you know, in Chapter 3 we do indeed find a second Ink Machine down below floor 11.

But… why are there two of them, exactly?

First, notice how the blueprints say that this is the “-abel build repurpose“ in the upper right hand corner. Looking through a list of words that end in “able,“ the only thing that seems to fit is… the word stable.

Pay attention to what Alice says about herself:

“The first time“. The first time she was created, she was formless. But the second time?

The second time… well… It made me an angel!

She was properly formed. She was stable.

The Ink Machine CK1 had something wrong with it - it could turn people to ink, but they were formless. So Joey moved that old useless machine down to floor 11, got a new one with stability improvements, and sent some of the failures through again, with slightly better even if not perfect results.

But hey, always room for improvement, right?

TL;DR: The Ink Machine CK1 was used on Alice the first time, but lacked stability. The current machine is the CK2 version with stability that “made her an angel“.

So, because we’ve gotten a few asks recently and it’s Mod Monday, I figured I may as well make a post about my latest tattoo: the Yuri!!! on Ice inspired “Born to make history”.

People have asked me a couple times why I decided to get it and if I was being serious when I jokingly said if my blog got 15k, I’d get a yoi tattoo. I personally wouldn’t get something permanently on my body over a follower count. It was more of a way to treat myself because I planned on getting the tattoo anyway. I like having freedom over my body. I haven’t always had a lot of control and a tattoo is something that can’t be taken away. So yeah, I wouldn’t let Tumblr dictate whether I got ink or not. Lol

So why then? There are actually a lot of reasons I got this and some of them are kinda personal so I’m not going to really get too in depth here. Mostly, it was out of love for the show.

Obviously, the show itself spoke to me. A main character with anxiety and low self esteem? I relate so much, it’s unreal. History Maker, as I’m sure you know, isn’t just a song they threw in at the beginning. (Remember the time they put a song about sex in Black Butler? Yeah, not this anime.) The full song includes lyrics like “I’ve got a feeling it’s never too late” and the whole thing is just really inspiring to me. History Maker beautifully represents the struggle that Yuuri faces. Throughout the show, he learns to love himself. It’s beautiful. How many times am I allowed to say the words “inspiring” and “beautiful” in one paragraph before my blog gets deleted? Eh, one more for good measure: this entire show is beautiful and inspiring… These words are literally how I explain the show to everyone who hasn’t seen it.

Anyway, I went with the line “Born to make history” because it’s a pretty clear nod to the show (among fans) and OP while also being able to stand on its own without context.

I may not like myself now but I’m working on it and having these words on my arm reminds me that it isn’t too late. They give me a reason to keep fighting, just like Yuuri did. I’m so glad that I’m able to wake up and see this tattoo every day and I’m super thankful for all of the nice comments from people. You guys are awesome!

Lots of love and yummy katsudon,
Mod Star

3

I had this idea regarding one of the Bendy rejects, deciding to give him a name and back story cuz why not. I chose this one out of the four cuz I think he’s cute af. I’ve had a few head canons for him such as….

•He’s a mute character, speaks in sign language or with literal signs. Seeing as how he never got ‘reanimated’ or a voice actor he’s pretty limited to his sounds, however he’s an excellent lip singer.

•He hates pretty much any and all things Bendy related. Being tossed aside like garbage and replaced by that ink demon didn’t exactly lift his spirits. However there is one particular Bendy(ie) he’s got a little sympathy for. @animal-guardian and @always-x3’s little Bendie and Meek. He knows what it feels like to be called defective and it hurts.

•Created without a purpose or heart; a mere accident at that, Buster will stop at nothing to get the spot light back (or at least some recognition). Some would call him a violent toon seeing as how he has no regards for human life really; getting real furious when people mistake him for Bendy.

@the-vampire-inside-me and @thelostmoongazer have really been a huge inspiration for me in this world building. Just wanna say thank you :)

•Also Meek (as drawn above) belongs to @animal-guardian ❤ thanks for letting me draw him~

muffinpuddlepuff4  asked:

Hey Jakie! how do you feel about the things comyet is saying about the canon Ink? we know you are trying to use the canon characters from the AU authors but your interpretation of your Ink is quiet different

Well, of course I know I’m not using the whole canon information about Ink, because Mye is still develop her character, and I really love that because she is creating an amazing story for him. The Ink I’m using for Underverse is my fan interpretation  when we barely knew some facts about Ink, anyway I always try to not showing weird things that could bring misunderstandings about him from people that just got into this story and the whole Undertale AU fandom. This is the only thing I’m afraid of.

Anyway I don’t feel bad or anything like I was feeling long time ago (at first i felt i was disappointing all the creators), besides, Mye always help me when I have some doubts about Ink when I want to show something specific in Underverse (This also happens with characters like Error, Fresh, Dream and Nightmare - And it will happen too with the future characters I’m goig to use from another artists), and she said many times that my version of Ink, even if is not following the canon story, is quite interesting the way I’m making Ink interact with the other characters. 

All these characters and their stories belong to their own owners and they can change them if they want. After all, they know their own creations more than anyone.

Couldn’t Do It Then. Won’t Do It Now

Zhang Yixing (Lay) x Reader

Summary: He can’t kill you because he spared you. You can’t kill him because he saved you.

Genre: Mafia AU, angst??

Word Count: 2,334

Originally posted by jngn-km

You opened your compact mirror, pretending to check your makeup, while actually slightly moving it to the side to check out the man across the room. It’s definitely him. You have no idea what you were expecting. Of course he will know where you are, he follows your every move after all.  You shut your mirror in annoyance. No point in staying here any longer. You’re not planning on getting caught tonight but since you dressed up and came all this way, you will be damned if you don’t get at least one drink.

Keep reading

Haunted House- A BATIM Fic

I saw a post about this on @doodledrawsthings feed and I couldn’t help myself. My favorite ink demon and my favorite holiday? Together? It was too good to pass up! That being said apologies in advance to all the lovely people named Mick out there, it just sounded like the douchiest name I could think of while I was writing, but it is not a reflection on you. Once again this takes place in Doodles’ Hell’s Studio AU. Some mild swearing, but that’s about it. Enjoy!

Keep reading

Happy B-Day, Ink!

@comyet if you’re reading this…thank you very much for creating this awesome character. Some time ago I had total creative-blog, couldn’t bring myself to even put a pen to the paper. But looking at this character always inspired me, and it still does. The concept of your OC is still so amazing and I simply told me back in the days “c’mon, at least a sketch of the personification of creativity” and I don’t know, it worked! So many of my school papers got that little man on them :’) My mom even asked who that baldhead on all my sheets was xD.

So yeah, here you go! A quick sketch for your amazing OC :D <3 ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY INK

My Lovely Assistant - Chapter 1 (Junkenstein Meihem)

“Be careful with that, you oaf! FRAGILE! Can’t you read?!…Oh wait, guess y’can’t. Still, be careful with it!” Dr. Junkenstein scrambled after the hulking form of his Monster, who was carrying an enormous crate in both bulky arms. The crate had arrived on a ragged looking delivery wagon late that night, and Junkenstein had become so excited that he had dragged the thing up two sets of stairs all by himself, before realizing his more muscular creation could carry it up the other nineteen.

Still babbling to himself, he swerved ahead of the hulking Monster and thrust a booted foot forward to kick open the door. The crate was finally delivered into its proper place in his upper spire labs, and was already drawing attention. Monster had stepped back and was eying it rather distrustfully, the zomnic prototypes scattered around the room all turned their heads, and even Scarecrow- one of his earliest and most useless tests at false life- had appeared to peek in another door, its glowing lenses whirring softly.

Junkenstein turned to face the massive crate proudly, hands on his hips. “Can’t believe it’s finally here! This here’s a game-changer, boys! Turns out it’s not just the Witch who’s taken a stroll on the other side and come back, ooooh no. There’s others out there who have defeated death itself. This one…This one is going to be invaluable to my studies. Not like you lot, or you…or especially YOU!” He pointed in a very accusatory way at Scarecrow, who covered its face with its spindly straw hands and started uttering weepy noises. Junkenstein summarily ignored it, waving a hand at Monster, who had reappeared next to his side with a crowbar. “Well, what are you waiting for?! Get it open! Get it open right now!”

The crowbar was jammed into the crate’s wood, pulling nails and sending splinters flying as the top was wrenched away. It clattered onto the ground nearby, and Junkenstein nearly dove into it, reaching his top half into the container as he began pulling away clumps of straw and cloth and soft cushions. With a shrieking “Ah-haaa!” he finally emerged a moment later, helping to prop up the form of…a woman? Though it was not a sort of woman that had ever been seen in a place like Eichenwalde before. She was a tiny thing, dressed in a strange purple foreign costume, her skin deathly pale save for the circles of rouge on her cheeks to give the illusion of lifelike rosiness. A domed hat with a feather lay perched atop her elaborate hair, and a scroll with strange markings lay across her face, almost obscuring her glasses. A pair of tiny fangs jutted over her pale lower lip. And she seemed to be quite…dead.

Keep reading

Restless

I’m always a little bit restless nowadays. That’s a problem. Some days I spend hours pacing circles into the carpet, some days I knock rhythms into desks, some days I can’t think calmly unless I’m running full tilt, tears from cold air drying on my face.
I think I bargained away my stillness at some point but my mind is whirling, spinning, jumping from idea to idea, thought to thought to thought, whiplashing from memory to prophecy so fast I can’t tell what’s real. Can’t remember what I got in exchange.
Doesn’t matter.
People call me Blue. They call me Ink. I write with the speed of a plague and it’s fury but I don’t think that’s new. I can’t remember a time I didn’t fall asleep without words spinning into creation under my tongue. Can’t stay still enough to remember much at all, really.
There’s an old black cat on campus with one blind eye bit two others that work well enough. He likes fish, and chicken as long as it’s raw. He sniffs at my iron chain around my neck disdainfully every time I talk to him. I can’t find it’s clasp anymore. I don’t think there ever was one.
Doesn’t matter.
What does matter are all the poems tacked up on my dorm walls. What matters is the level of cream in the mug outside and the amount of blue pens I still have. What matters is salt on the windowsill and doorway threshold. What matters is that even through the endless momentum I experience, I can still remember my true name. What matters is that They can’t seem to touch my writing at all.

(X)

symbio-ratio  asked:

(Whoo! Late reply.) Hopefully, when the game gets deeper and more intense, we'll get more creepy Bendy >:P I want to see people expand upon what Bendy really is. Same issue came with FNaF; those animatronics were clearly evil. Lets just hope when the fandom grows, it'll mature as well. Tired of seeing people wanting to kiss/fuck/baby the demon. He's not gonna show up in your house, and if he does...I pray for you (lol) He's a summoned demon. Pentagram and all. Ink poisoning exists :/ Just stop.

I know right?

I glad what someone agrees with me. So, here is a lil’ bonus for ya. I was about to delete it, but you kinda inspired me, so i finished it.

And here goes my another hc, what Bendy is kinda in charge here as he supposed to be the main character and all the others are just his minions or something. Also, all of them have some defects. Bendy, for example, melting when he is under strong/hard feelings, so that’s why he needs to drink ink (and it’s the only thing he uses as food), also he has some kind of inkinesis (like telekinesis, but with ink xD).

To talk about Boris. His difect is inability to talk. He is shy, but attentive and obedient, that’s why he is main Brendy’s minion. Sometimes Boris can be a bit sloppy or witted and this always drives our demon crazy.

I wanted to ask, wanted to clear things. I wanted to remove all these thoughts inside my head. I wanted to know what’s the truth. Because I have this feeling that something isn’t right, things aren’t adding up. And I don’t know if you’ll tell the truth or if you’re just going to shush me off, like my thoughts are just out of paranoia. I wanted to ask but what good would it do anyway? Will I be able to accept the truth? Will I get hurt, again? I’m tired of getting hurt, of picking up my heart everytime someone else picks and drops it, of rebuilding myself, of telling myself I deserve better but only settling for what people give to me. I’m tired of listening to people when they say how much they love me but some of their actions prove less. I’m tired of always putting my heart out in hopes that maybe, this time I won’t get left behind, that maybe this time, I will be enough for someone. I’m tired and I just want someone to prove to me that I can also be a priority, I’m tired of always telling people that no matter what they do, I will understand them, will forgive them but only takes that for granted. For once I just want someone to tell me “you got me” and proves it everyday.
—  9:07//Confusions and Questions

thegreatyin  asked:

So..how does the DS crew react to the newest episode of Underverse?

Dream: that child.

Dream: that child.

Dream: THOSE TYPES ARE THE EXCEPTIONS OF THE HELP THE CHILDREN RULE

Nightmare: dude can you shut up

Cross: Hey, have any of you seen Blueberry?

Nightmare: Huh? That’s weird.

Nightmare: He disappeared…

Error: (bitterly) He always disappears.

Cross: But this episode’s about him.

Nightmare: Maybe he was uncomfortable.

Ink: Woot. That’s a first, thank the things above.

(minutes later, when the scene where Dream is shooting arrows is happening)

Nightmare: OKAY

Nightmare: OKAY

(Nightmare grabs the remote, pauses it, and stands next to the screen.)

Nightmare: THIS ISN’T PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE

Nightmare: PEOPLE CAN’T ACTUALLY SHOOT ARROWS THAT FAST

Nightmare: LIKE DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO DRAW BACK A BOW

Dream: yes Nightmare we know that it’s impossible and that the media always portrays it incorrectly but we’re in the middle of watching this

Nightmare: DON’T YOU GIVE ME THAT ANGEL BOY WE’RE BOTH VERY OPINIONATED ABOUT THIS AND YOU JUST DON’T CARE BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU LOOK COOL

Dream: well I certainly won’t deny that

Cross: can you unpause it?

(Nightmare begrudgingly unpauses the episode.)

(after witnessing Papyrus staying behind for seemingly no reason)

Nightmare: ARE YOU STUPID

Dream: WHAT??

Cross: WHAT’S THE POINT OF THIS

Error: (confused noises)

Ink: I don’t know how to contribute to this moment of freaking out

Cross: (yelling at Dream) LOOK YOU’RE JUST STANDING THERE AND NOT MAKING HIM COME WITH YOU YOU’RE JUST LIKE BYE

Cross: SOME BELIEVER IN SAVING PEOPLE YOU ARE

Cross: YOU KNOW SOMETHING DON’T YOU

Dream: Why are you yelling at me?!

Cross: I ALWAYS LOOK FOR AN EXCUSE TO YELL AT YOU

(I dunno, that’s all I got. XD)

Good For You (Evan Hansen x reader)

Date written:6/6/2017
Genre: Angst/Songfic
Written by: Alexander K.
Type: x reader
Note/s: The internet got cut, I was bored. So I made this angsty piece of shit. Enjoy. Ps. I’m not good at writing so sorry in advance.

Tags: @mlpnightfall @dropthe-nicities @endotox @k8lex @littlemissnightmares @yangeliio3o @stakticc @tsurushokubutsu @that-gay-fangirl

Evan and [Name] had this thing going on, where if they did something once, they’d always do it repetitively. When they shared their first kiss, Evan would always find a chance to just sneak quick pecks to his girlfriend. When they first held hands, they would always walk around holding each other’s hands when possible.

And then they had their first fight.

Every single night, they would argue. Ranging from something so small like who would wash the dishes when Mrs. Hansen wasn’t home yet, to what they were arguing about right now.

“Why are you always talking about Zoe?! Zoe this, Zoe that! It’s always about her ever since we went to the jazz concert!” [Name] screamed, on the brink of tears. “Well it’s not like you actually care! Zoe told me everything! She told me how you were just faking to love me because you pitied me since I don’t have that many friends!” Evan screamed back, she was speechless.

“YOU are the ONLY person I’ve ever loved this much! To the point where I would be the one to apologize in EVERY SINGLE ARGUMENT. EVEN IF it wasn’t my fault! I was the one who would always try to salvage our relationship! And what do I get in return? The fact that you would choose to believe THE GIRL WHO BULLIED AND HATED ME since sophomore year, that YOUR OWN FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!” [Name] was crying, she could believe how Zoe would do this to her.

“WELL IT ISN’T MY FAULT YOU’RE SO WHINY” Evan quickly retorted back, not thinking much. “FUCK YOU EVAN!” she screamed after a few moments of silence, getting her bag and speed walking towards the door. But before she could open the door, a tired Heidi Hansen opened the door to see her son’s girlfriend crying.

“ Honey, what’s wrong?” she quickly asked, holding her shoulders. “Tell your son to see if what Zoe said was true.” She harshly said before leaving, slamming the door behind her. Heidi turned to her son and her eyes became emotionless. She just found out that every time that Evan wasn’t out with [Name], he was at the Murphy’s. They told her how Evan and Zoe said they were dating, they told her how they thought of Evan as their own son. It was enough that Evan almost had another family, but the fact that he lied to them about how Zoe and him are dating instead of him and his ACTUAL girlfriend, he had crossed the line. She knew Zoe was a bad person, she knows that she had bullied [Nickname] since sophomore year. She was furious.

She walked up to Evan’s room and barged in. “Mom, what are you doing here?” Evan asked, as if he did nothing wrong.

“So you found a place where the grass is greener, and you jumped the fence to the other side. Is it good? Are they giving you a world I could never provide?” Heidi asked, slowly walking over to her son, face full of disappointment. “Well I hope you’re proud of your big decision. Yeah, I hope it’s all that you want and more. Now you’re free from the agonizing life you were living before! And you say what you need to say, so that you get to walk away. It would kill you to have to stay trapped when you’ve got something new.” Evan stood up from his bed and asked, scared 

“Mom, what are you talking about?” “well I’m sorry you had it ‘rough’ and I’m sorry I’m not enough, thank God they rescued you!” she yelled “so you got what you always wanted, so you did what you had to do. Good for you! Good for you! You! You! Got a taste of a life so perfect. Now you say that you’re someone new! Good for you! GOOD FOR YOU!” she said before leaving his room, slamming the door behind her. Evan’s eyes widened, now realizing what she was talking about.


The next day, Evan woke up and did his morning routine. He walked downstairs, expecting his mom downstairs, waiting for him so she could say goodbye. But all he saw was an empty downstairs, with a few dollars on the table for dinner. He shrugged and took the money, leaving for school. While Evan was off with Zoe, Jared and [Name] shared a look before hugging each other, then leaving their separate ways.

On her way to biology, she bumped into Conner Murphy. Before he could say anything, she had quickly dragged him to the side of the hallway. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”  Connor asked. “Be quiet Murphy. And do me a favor and tell your sister she had crossed the line. And tell Evan to fuck off for me and Jared. Thanks” She said before turning around and leaving. Connor stared at her retreating figure before smirking and mumbling to himself “what the fuck did you do Zoe?” before trailing after her to go to Biology. Meanwhile, with Jared, he went to History he had with Evan. Once there, he sat down farthest from where Evan would sit, not even caring to who wanted to sit there.

A few hours past, lunch came. Evan had went after to look for [Name] and Jared, who he knew are best friends. Conner had already told him to leave Jared and [Name] alone, but he doesn’t care. He wanted to talk to the two. He had found them in each other’s arms outside, eating lunch together. “JARED WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOIN WITH MY GIRLFRIEND?!” He yelled, both of them turned and glared at him, he took a step back. They walked to him, Jared standing on his left side and [Name] on his right. “Does it cross your mind to be slightly sorry?” Evan turned to look at his, now ex, girlfriend. “Do you even care that you might be wrong?” She asked, face devoid of emotions. “Was it fun? Well I hope you had a blast while you dragged me along!” He turned to run back in when Jared showed up in front of him. “And you say what you need to say, and you play who you need to play! And if somebody’s in your way, crush them and leave them behind!” “Well I guess if I’m not of use, go ahead you can cut me loose.” They stood in front of him with fake smiles on their faces, “ Go ahead now, I wont mind!”

He stood up but Alex took him by his shirt, “I’ll shut my mouth and I’ll let you go, is that for you? Will that be good for you? You? You?” she threw him down on the grass, and Jared joined in in saying “ I’ll just sit back while you run the show? Is that good for you? Will that be good for you? You? You?” “All I need I some time to think! But the boat is about to sink! Can’t erase what I wrote in ink! Tell me how could I change the story?” Evan asked, looking up at the emotionless best friends. “All the words that I can’t take back! Like a train coming off the track, cause the rails in my bones all crack. I’ve gotta find a way to stop it. STOP IT! JUST LET ME OFF!” Evan screamed, head in his hands.

“So you got what you always wanted” Jared said, “So you got your dream come true! Good for you!” [Name] continued “Good for you! You! You! Got a taste of a life so perfect, now you say that you’re someone new! Good for you!” They said together, making Evan remember what his mom had said, burying his head in his face even more. “Good for you!” [Name] screamed. “Good for you!” Jared screamed as well. “GOOD FOR YOU!” They screamed in sync. “So you got what you always wanted!” They said, before getting their bags and leaving Evan on the ground.

“This is all Zoe’s fault” Evan mumbled under his breath. “No, it’s not. This is all my fault. I knew Zoe hated [Name] , why did I even believe her in the first place?!” Evan asked himself. “I need to find a way to apologize for everyone” He thought before standing up and going back inside for the next class .

this is another apology. i’m sorry about your skin and all of the cuts, i wish that i could kiss them all away. i’m sorry about your voice and how they belong to someone else. i’m sorry about not listening, i’m sorry for always making you apologize for the stupidest things. i’m sorry about your hair and how you always fixed it up, but to me it was just another day. i should’ve told you that you were beautiful. i should’ve told you that you were my one and only. i’m sorry about your smile and how it’s a bit broken, you have all of your teeth, but not all of your happy, baby, please tell me that you’re no longer mad with me. i’m sorry about love and how badly it changed us, if i could go back, i would make every single mistake all over again. i deserve to be here, to learn. you deserve your current happiness. you’re wonderful. i’m sorry that i wasn’t able to make you laugh more often, i guess my broken home leaked into your tears, baby, do you have fears too? are you insecure too? kurt cobain once said that people aren’t true, i’m sorry that we both fucked each other over. some secrets best left to the worst parts of us, i’m sorry about all of the things i never got to tell you, i’m sorry for making you feel like i didn’t love you. i’m sorry about the way you wore that dress and all i wanted was for you to take it off. mama raised me right, but all I ever did was write my truths down wrong, i guess i’m just another sad song that doesn’t like people to sing along. papa wasn’t around is not an excuse, kind hearted feathers grow from my roots, i’m sorry that i was such an asshole to you. i’m sorry for fucking you instead of making love to you. i’m sorry about being high half of the time when i kissed you. i’m sorry about your story and how i was both an amazing part and a tragedy, do you believe in karma? in some ways, i am the skin around your heart. some days, i can’t get you out of my head. it’ll be a few years pretty soon, but i still have your phone number memorized. you may change up your personality and smile differently. work your dream job and have someone new, but when i run into you and we’re just strangers, i think i’ll always be a little sorry even if you forgive me. i’m sorry, i’m sorry– this is my letter of post skies trying to look pretty, this is my apology of a love that tried to feel gorgeous, this is my sincerity because if i forget to look both ways while i cross the street some day and a man is drunk and high while texting his baby mama and he forgot to get his brakes checked last week because he’s always procrastinating like how i was back in high school when all i wanted to do was write you love letters and he never quite got it figured out, so on his way home from work as he took two more tabs to numb the pain and he looks up and it’s just me, baby, it’s just me– maybe karma has a plan for me.

I wonder what happened. What made you change ways, what caused you to act this way. Was it my fault again? Was it too much? Too little? You - you have made me believe I was enough, you made me cling on the words you’ve said, have they got no meaning to you now? Some days I have this game that I play inside my head. If I should stay or should I go. And the funny thing is that I always have this little thoughts saying “just one more day” because maybe it’ll go back to where we used to, maybe it’ll change, maybe it’ll get better, maybe it’s just a phase. And the longer I make myself believe it is just that, the longer you prove to me that it won’t, apparently, you do these things that subtly say: it’s not enough.