always funky

My epic list of casual curses

A few months ago, someone broke my heart by dumping me for another girl.  In my sadness, I unleashed an outpour of 86 casual curses on my facebook wall as a way of venting my feelings.

Here is that list.

May you bite into a big chunk of garlic so your mouth feels funny for the next few days.

May a condom commercial come on tv while you’re in the room with your girlfriends dad.

May you stub your toe on every piece of furniture in your apartment.

May you over-salt every meal you try to cook.

May all of your pillows smell of feet.

May your toast always burn, and may no amount of scraping remove the black parts.

May your pen leak all over a drawing that was coming along really well.

May your teeth become very cold-sensitive.

May your mailbox be clogged with advertisements.

May you clog the toilet the first time you go to a new friends house.

May you always have an unsettling feeling of bugs crawling all over you when you’re trying to fall asleep.

May you always step in a funky-colored liquid after putting on socks.

May your ice cream always be frost burnt.

May every vending machine eat or reject your dollar.

May that “silent” fart come out surprisingly loudly.

May you develop erectile dysfunction.

May you step on a d4

May every toilet seat you sit on be either uncomfortably cold or uncomfortably warm.

May the elastic on all of your underwear give out.

May you always have a zit right on the inside of your nostril.

May you always have to pee while a cat is sitting on your lap.

May your next-door neighbor buy a set of bagpipes and practice every night until 4 in the morning.

May your favorite sweater shrink in the dryer.

May you get busted for illegally downloading something.

May you always have that feeling of having to sneeze.

May you fart in the middle of making out with someone.

May all of your favorite shows and movies be removed from Netflix.

May you get an un-hideable hickey right before you go visit your grandmother.

May there always be a pebble in your shoe.

May you spill your drink in your lap so it looks like you peed yourself. May this happen right before a date.

May your significant other forget your birthday.

May you run out of toilet paper, paper towels, and kleenex, and then get food poisoning.

May you always lose your chapstick.

May a flock of noisy geese start hanging out right outside of your bedroom window.

May the delivery guy always forget your drink.

May you take a giant drink of milk right out of the carton, only to discover its gone bad.

May your cup runneth over… with hot coffee.

May Autocorrect punish you.

May you always overdraft your bank account by like a dollar and have to pay a stupidly large fee.

May you find something really gross in the bottom of your cup of coffee after you’ve already finished it.

May you be the one to discover that there is a hole in the oven mitt.

May you step on this ungodly hybrid. (picture of a lego with a thumbtack stuck through it).

May you have an unforgivable Freudian slip.

May your roommate get addicted to a really irritating song and play it constantly.

May your most embarrassing tumblr post go viral.

May you be cursed with ingrown hairs that look like herpes.

May you suddenly become uncomfortably aware of your tongue.

May you get the hiccups during a phone interview for a job you really want.

May every surface you touch be sticky.

May your acne never go away.

May you always die in a video game just before you reach a checkpoint.

May your life develop a laugh track.

May your laundry always come out of a dryer a little bit damp.

May your favorite book be adapted into a terrible movie.

May you get a blister on the side of your pinkie toe.

May the spoon fall into the bowl every time you eat soup.

May you have to close every open tab because you can’t figure out where the music is coming from.

May you slice your finger while cutting up a lemon.

May you hit every red light.

May that unreachable spot on your back always itch.

May someone set the child censorship thingy on your netflix account.

May the YMCA song get stuck in your head for the next six months.

May all of your exes suddenly get really really hot.

May you develop a persistent itch on the inside of your nose.

May netflix cut out on you every few minutes for the rest of your life.

May you always get called in to work on your day off.

May you never find a job in your chosen field.

May your name become synonymous with the word “asshole” in someones circle of friends.

May all the cheese and toppings fall off of your pizza.

May you suddenly become lactose intolerant.

And gluten intolerant.

May you always think of epic comebacks two hours after an argument.

May your water heater suddenly crap out in the middle of winter.

May every table or chair you sit on/at have uneven legs.

May you never find a comfortable sleeping position again.

May you accidentally send a sexy text message to your mom.

May you always wake up two minutes before your alarm goes off.

May your roommate suddenly develop a habit of chewing way too loudly.

May every book or TV series you ever watch get spoiled.

May every selfie you post for the rest of your life get zero likes.

May the barista always give you decaf by accident.

May you always burn your tongue on your hot chocolate so you can’t even taste it.

May a bee fly into your mouth while you’re biking.

May someone always flick a cigarette butt into your can of soda. Even if nobody’s in the room with you.

May all of your favorite videos on youtube get deleted.

May you always end up in the line for the slowest cashier.

I hope that from here to eternity, every time you try to download something, your computer crashes when its at 99%

The moral is, never cheat on me.  And feel free to use any of these in your everyday life.

random [class 1a] hcs #5
  • Aoyama Yuuga just recently broke his personal record at the gym. He can now bench press 9 lbs.
  • Ashido Mina’s least favorite word is musty. It reminds her of a girl from her middle school whose foundation/concealer always looked funky and stale. 
  • Asui Tsuyu believes robots are a danger to humanity.
  • Iida Tenya was once dared by Kaminari Denki to discreetly look through Mineta’s cellphone search history. He expected to be disgusted by what he saw, but was left feeling genuinely intrigued. He kept what he saw to himself.
  • Uraraka Ochako once fell asleep with a face mask on and woke up with her face looking more red and patchy than a ginger with a beard. School the next day was not enjoyable.
  • Ojiro Mashirao will leave empty containers in the dorm pantry and fridge because he is a savage.
  • Kaminari Denki ranked his female classmates based on their face and personalities. The paper fell out of his bag accidentally as he was leaving the classroom at the end of the day. Needless to say, this caused a huge debacle when Ashido Mina was the first to see it. Eventually, the girls ganged up on Kaminari to question him, but he managed to weasel his way out by saying that Mineta was the one who wrote it.
  • Kirishima Eijiro thinks The Onion is a real, legitimate news source.
  • Kouda Kouji has a club penguin account. 
  • Satou Rikidou plans on being a certified Zumba instructor - in addition to being a pro hero when he graduates from U.A..
  • Shouji Mezou is into extreme couponing. He will not spend a dime on something he does not need.
  • Jirou Kyouka knew Kaminari was the one who wrote the list, but kept quiet about it because he ranked her as #1. 
  • Sero Hanta once got so drunk he drove a lawn mower through the city to get some air.
  • Tokoyami Fumikage lowkey looks down on people who own selfie sticks and use them in public.
  • Todoroki Shouto gets emails every morning from Urban Dictionary’s Word of the Day. Todoroki felt a familiar buzz in his pocket as he left for class. He flipped his phone open and read the screen. “Unload the Groceries: a deceptive way of saying you are taking a shit,” he read silently. He hummed, his face expressionless as he did so. “Clever,” he murmured, and continued on his way.
  • Hagakure Tooru secretly enjoys the smell of sharpies.
  • Bakugou Katsuki is tired of his classmates eating the food he makes. So now, whenever he has leftovers, he puts a note on the container, writing something like “Don’t you fucking dare!” or “I’ll rip your fucking face off if you eat my shit!”
  • Midoriya Izuku is a strong believer of pineapple on pizza, and will fight for it as needed.
  • Mineta Minoru once pissed in public and was almost charged with public indecency. He got let off with a slap on the wrist because the police thought he was a child.
  • Yaoyorozu Momo has all seven seasons of True Blood in HD, and has re-watched the show four times.


“Unload the groceries” is a real thing on urban dictionary. Check it out.

JT

“JT! Long time no see, babe!”

You cringed at the name and turned to see your old college friend Lauren scurrying across the bar towards you.

Your boyfriend and colleague Spencer Reid raised his eyebrows, catching the nickname she’d thrown your way.

“Hey Loz, how have you been?” You ran into each other from time to time, both of you choosing to remain in the same city you’d gone to school in.

“I’m good hun. Benji finally proposed, can you believe it?!” she stuck her finger in front of your face, showing off her huge ring. You made the right noises, admiring the rock.

“JT, where are you living now? I want you at my wedding, you’re one of the only school friends I still see!”

Lauren rummaged in her purse for her cell, pulling it out and opening up a memo, titling it JT’s address. You rattled it off, not missing Spencer’s curious eyes.

“I’m sorry… But, JT?” he couldn’t hide his curiosity any longer.

You saw Loz go to open her mouth and you glared at her, shaking your head. She grinned wildly and nodded.

“Secret’s safe with me, Y/N. What happens in college, stays in college. Except the nickname of course.”

She chatted for a while longer before leaving, and you and Reid stayed for another two drinks before walking the few blocks back to your apartment building.

“JT?”

“No…”

“But… ”

“Drop it Spencer, it’s just a nickname from school.”

He changed the subject until you were sitting on your couch, swigging from two beers.

“Please? It really bothers me that there’s something you’re not telling me. I won’t make fun if it’s embarrassing. I just… I want to know and learn everything there is about you. Because I love you.”

Damn him and his sweetness!

“Fine… But you won’t like it,” you turned to face him on the couch. He shrugged.

“JT stands for Jizz Tits.”

He spluttered. “Pardon!?”

“You heard….”

“Jizz Tits?”

You nodded. “In college…. I erm, well… Guys like my boobs, right? You like them too.”

“I like everything about you. But yes, you do have a very nice… erm, chest.”

You smirked as he blushed slightly.

“Well… Lauren was my roommate and she may have come home early to a scene that she didn’t want to see. Which was one of my ex boyfriends finishing on my boobs. He had a thing about them and I, well… It was better than swallowing it, his spunk always had a funky taste to it. She started calling me Jizz Tits and the name JT kinda stuck.”

Spencer was very quiet for a few noments before suddenly blurting out, “You’ve never let me do that!”

“That’s the only thing you’ve got to say about this conversation?”

“Pretty much, JT…. ”

“If you’d ever like to see them again, I suggest you don’t start using that nickname.”

He laughed and snuggled closer to you on the couch.

“But still. You’ve never let me do that.”

“You’ve never asked…”

“I didn’t realise it was an option until now.”

“Reid, you’d be surprised the options available to you if you use your imagination.”

His eyes widened somewhat as his brain started to tick over.

“Really?”

You nodded. You were fairly open and up to trying new things. And you doubted Spencer could shock you and ask for anything too weird.

“Huh. Well… Right now, I kinda wanna do that,” he gestured to your breasts and you laughed.

“Fine… Let’s go to bed.”

…forty minutes later….

“Spencer, it’s in my fucking hair!!”

“I’m sorry!” he was sat on the side of the bed, his pants down and a pillow covering his junk.

“And I swear you got some on the head board….”

You peered closely at the wood as you tried to clean your hair with a baby wipe. It had gone pretty much everywhere but on your boobs.

“You’re an FBI Agent. You have to aim and fire guns. The target was big enough, how the fuck did you miss?!?”

He just shook his head, trying to bite back laughter.

“I guess I should be thankful you missed my eye. That shit stings, trust me…. ”

I must be the under-the-carpet, dirty little secret (58 minutes)

A Macdennis playlist of songs they would listen to, and some they might not.

Best Friend - Modern Baseball // Higher Love - Steve Winwood // Let’s Hear It For The Boy - Deniece Willaiams // Run - Jr. Jr. // The Beers - The Front Bottoms // Borderline - Madonna // All Night Long (All Night) - Lional Richie // The Longest Time - Billy Joel // Show Some Emotion - Hoodoo Gurus // Drunk - Ed Sheeran // Can’t Fight This Feeling - REO Speedwagon // Tears Over Beers - Modern Baseball // Your Love Is My Drug - Ke$ha // Fooled Around and Fell In Love - Elvin Bishop // Sleeping with a Friend - Neon Trees // PILLOWTALK - ZAYN 

(listen)

I loved Gwen’s look for The Voice’s team rehearsals on the latest episode. Very 70s vibe. What I thought was super interesting is that the look reminded me of Jamie Nelson. She is a fashion and beauty photographer who has worked with Gwen a few times over the past year, including Gwen’s album cover for “This is What the Truth Feels Like”. She is amazing and always rocks a funky 70s chic look. So I wonder if Gwen and her style team were inspired by Jamie. Hmmmmm. I think so!! ❤️❤️❤️

Instagram Jeongguk (7/7)

Snapchat Jin | Tumblr Yoongi | Periscope Namjoon | Viner Hoseok | Twitter Jimin | Youtuber Taehyung | Instagram Jeongguk 

  • Art Hoe to the max like he has kånken and carries a journal around with his favourite copic markers and always has funky socks on and messy hair and is carrying coffee
  • HE OWNS SO MANY PLANTS HIS APARTMENT IS FULL OF PLANTS AND ART
  • His feed is IMMACULATE
  • Like honestly it’s so pretty and flawless and every single person who sees it loves it
  • Has a few tiny tattoos which he designed himself
  • Does cute little doodles and posts them but they’re honestly sooo cute
  • Wasn’t really into posting selfies for ages because he was more about the art side of things but was peer pressured into it by Tumblr User!Yoongi who was salty bc Jimin made him post a selfie on tumblr
  • Everyone died bc !?!?!!! HOLY FUCK HE’S HOT!?!?!?
  • After that positive reaction he began to post more selfies or candid shots
  • Always carrying a camera around ??? like always??
  • Loves taking candid shots of his friends and posting them
  • Half the time he’s behind the camera filming Jin’s snapchat stories or helping to film Tae’s video or direct it because he’s such an artistic person things always turn out well
  • He has a YouTube channel which he hardly uses, sometimes does videos with Taehyung or a sped up art tutorial or a lookbook or some shit 
  • Theres also his Twitter which he basically uses just to tweet out his periscope links but he has quite a following on both of those as well 
  • Always gets in mini social media wars with twitter!Jimin 
  • One time he featured in Namjoon’s periscope and it was just them talking to people as Namjoon remixed some song and Jeongguk drew a quick sketchy cover art so he could post it to soundcloud or whatever and everyone was like !!!! show us more of this Jeon kid!!!!
  • So he made his own periscope (called JeonArt) and just posts videos of him doing art related things like sketching or painting a picture 
  • Sometimes he takes requests and like draws people just because he can
  • HE WAS SUCH A PURE ANGEL AND DOING IT FOR FREE UNTIL PEOPLE F O R C E D HIM TO OPEN A FUCKING STORE AND MAKE SOME DAMN MONEY OFF HIS SKILLS
  • He sometimes posts those paint mixing videos everyone was obsessed with on instagram
  • Like definitely one of the most followed instagrams he’s verified and everything 
  • One time jimin and yoongi hacked his account and posted a meme and ruined his feed and he didn’t talk to them for wEEKS like they had to apologise to him so many times 
  • He tries to reply to everyone’s questions in the comments and so after posting he sits there for like 15 minutes just replying to people he’s such a sweetheart ok
  • He loves organizing people’s accounts and setting up themes for people and recommending editing apps 
  • One time he featured on hoseoks Snapchat and was dancing like hella well and everyone was like ???? Dude is there anything you cANT do ?! 
  • Actually gets along rly well with all the other boys like everyone loves him
  • Once on Snapchat seokjin referred to him as his “literal offspring. I gave birth to Jeon Jeongguk. NAMJOON IS the father. Taehyungs our pet and Yoongi is the bitter old grandad who needs to hurry up and die.” 
  • Kim Seokjin I swear to-” 
  • Yoongi! Let go of my mother!
  • In conclusion instagram!jeongguk is very artistic, meticuluate and loves doing things for his friends and helping them out whenever he can with his various skills
Jillian Holtzmann Headcanons

-Not neurotypical!!! Personally I headcanon her as ADHD

-her hair is so messy because she doesn’t really want to brush it because she likes how her hair curls and waves naturally, but the second she runs a brush through it, it disappears.

-loves loves loves knee high socks and always wears funky patterns

-most of the time her socks are mismatched because she either didn’t want to waste time matching up her socks after doing laundry and on the rare occasion she actually matches them, she just undoes it later because she can’t decide whether to wear the polka dots or the rainbow stripes that day
(It totally bothers the crap out of Erin that they’re mismatched, so she started sneak matching them after Holtzmann falls asleep)

-forgets to do a lot of basic things because she’s so involved in whatever she’s tinkering with
(Erin started doing her laundry after a particularly long stretch of time where Holtzmann was wearing the same shirt. Secretly she loves it because it means she can steal Jillian’s clothes to wear, and ooooooh boyyy the first time Holtzmann saw Erin in one of her overalls?? That was a wild night)
(Patty likes to make sure she’s had at least 2 meals every day because she gets so distracted easily “lunch time yes!!” *sees Abby looking at new toy* “Abby no!” *sees Abby is wearing eyeliner different* “you have to show me how” and basically continues on like that until it’s 3 or 4 and realizes she missed it)

-has a hard time sleeping because she’s constantly thinking of new things to build or a conversation she had that day

-to help her calm her mind, she builds a giant Rube Goldberg machine and adds on a little each night until she’s sleepy

-sometimes she doesn’t sleep at all and then it’s Holtzmann on steroids. She spends the whole day jumping around bursting with energy as if she drank a bunch of caffeine, but she hasn’t had a drop.

-Inevitably crashes hard around 6pm and is just draped somewhere sleeping
(Abby always gently wakes her up, wraps her in a blanket, and helps her to her bed)

-is actually really artistic and can draw real life extremely well because of her grasp on figure relations and the math portion of size and angles and curves

-doesn’t let anyone but Erin see her drawings because they’re very personal and she won’t admit it but when Erin said they’re amazing, she definitely cried.

-is now TERRIFIED of heights after the window incident but puts on a brave face around everyone else

-whenever they have to go up somewhere high to fight a ghost, she either races ahead of everyone, so they can’t see her tears, or lags behind and hopes they’ll catch it before she gets there

-LOVES driving and insists on it every time they need to go somewhere

-on the off chance she isn’t driving, she likes to stick her hand out the window and do the wave thing like her arm is flying

-before she met Abby, she was super reckless with radioactive isotopes because she was sort of hoping it would poison her or that the nuclear material would explode while she was working with it. Then it sort of became a habit where she would build super unstable things just because she didn’t care if it hurt her

-after she met Abby she was a lot more conscious of whether her projects would harm Abby if they harmed her and actively worked to correct that part of her that was so careless

-while the nature of their job means unstable material and that pretty much guarantees unstable finished product, she’s upped the safety factor by a million since she started building dangerous things

-at first it was just because she didn’t want anything to happen to them if something happened to her, but then she realized she didn’t want anything to happen to her either because she finally found her place

Part 2