alvitres

ELFNAPPING IS A BAD IDEA

VOLUNDR IS THE KING OF THE NORSE ELVES, AND HE’S FUCKING MISERABLE. HERVOR-ALVITR, HIS VALKYRIE WIFE, HAS JUST LEFT HIM, SO HE’S SITTING ON A TREE STUMP CRYING LIKE A WHINY LITTLE BITCH. MOTHERFUCKING ELVES.

WHILE VOLUNDR IS MOPING ABOUT, NIÐUÐR, THE KING OF SWEDEN, THROWS A BAG OVER HIS HEAD AND WHISKS HIM OFF BACK TO SWEDEN. WHAT A DICK.

VOLUNDR WAKES UP IN THE MORNING TO FIND THAT NIÐUÐR HAS CUT HIS LEGS OFF AND PUT HIM NEXT TO A FORGE. HE SPENDS A WEEK MAKING JEWELLERY FOR NIÐUÐR BEFORE HE GETS BORED AND DECIDES HE’S HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT.

THEN HE MURDERS NIÐUÐR AND BOTH HIS SONS, FUCKS HIS DAUGHTER AND FLIES OFF INTO THE SUNSET LAUGHING LIKE A FUCKING MANIAC BECAUSE WHO NEEDS LEGS ANYWAY.

É de bom alvitre sempre recordar, no âmbito das ciências naturais, que estamos nos havendo com um problema insolúvel. Mostremo-nos sempre sérios e honestos acorrendo a qualquer coisa que, de qualquer modo, vai chegando até nós, especialmente quando não se encaixa em nossas ideias já prontas. apenas aí perceberemos o problema. Que jaz na natureza mas, muito mais ainda, em nós mesmos.
—  Goethe.