aluminum bike

Trump Survival Tip No. 10: Thermite

Ever wanted to stop an armored vehicle stupid-easily, with something that’s legal, very safe to store and use, easy to acquire, and burns like Satan’s asshole? Molotov cocktails might look very impressive, but there’s an incendiary that does all those things and that we’ve all been overlooking: thermite.

Thermite, for the uninitiated–which, let’s be real, it’s the Internet, you’ve all heard of thermite–is a non-explosive incendiary powder made from aluminum filings and iron oxide. It is completely safe to store, since it’s basically just metal dust. Like an 80% lower (more on that right here), it’s pretty much untraceable, as both rust and aluminum filings can be manufactured at home or bought at a hardware store with zero paperwork. And when ignited, it burns at around 2500 Fahrenheit (1400 C), also known as half the temperature of the goddamn sun.

Rust can be manufactured at home pretty easily. Take steel wool, put it in a jar filled with water. Weigh the wool down with a magnet so it doesn’t float. Add 5tbs of bleach and 5tbs of vinegar. Let it sit for a day or two, then filter the resultant brown paste with a coffee filter. Alternatively, you can go to a paint store, where they sell it pretty cheap for pigment mixing, or eBay, where you can straight-up buy it.

Aluminum is also pretty easy to get. Take a grinder to something made of aluminum (cans, bike parts, whatever) and collect the sparks, and bam, aluminum filings. Machine shops will probably give you plenty in exchange for sweeping. Or, like rust, paint shops and eBay are viable options as well.

Mix your two powders at a ratio of 8 parts rust to 3 parts aluminum, by weight. Aluminum is pretty light so it’ll look about fifty-fifty. Mix evenly. Optionally, you can mix four parts thermite with one part modeling clay to get moldable thermite. You can’t light thermite with a normal match; get a magnesium sparkler or bit of magnesium ribbon and light that, and you’re good to go. Now you can melt through the engine block of an armored car like the Alien’s blood through the Nostromo.

Remember: when we fight, we win, so know how to fight!

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Don’t be a Wuss (Ride a Puss) by Alex Wichman
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