although your faces are just the worst

It creeps on you quietly
Gets you to the point of insanity
And you start losing things
Starting from your sanity
All along to humanity
Then you don’t even live
You’re just a puppet
And it holds the strings
Yet no one believes
That you have no strength
To carry onwards
Overwhelming as it seems
Understanding is all you need
But no one ever gets it
Your friends think you’re a lair
Teachers think you’re just tired
Your mom thinks it’s only a phase
Your dad tried to diagnose the pain
But all doors seem locked
Right into your face
And it hurts
Yet you can fake a smile
Pretend that it’s all fine
Although you know
That you’ll pay the fine
When you stay away
You’re in your own shell
But it feels like a prison cell
Because the worst part of it all
Is that you blame yourself
You were the weight on their shoulders
And you got more irritating
While you got older
You were too much to handle
That’s why they blew the candle
And left you alone
You pushed them away
From your comfort zone
With all the things you have shown
Over the years
This is all your fault
Why you’re breaking in tears
Why being alone is all you fear
And it’s obvious
It’s crystal clear
That no one wants you near
Because it’s all in your head
So stay away in bed
Keep blaming yourself
Until you finally heal
For you already lost sight
Of what’s a fantasy and what’s real.

“Depression is not being sad, it’s feeling guilty for living. Because down deep you know, That it’s all your fault”

—  My own fault

Manorian fanfic: The Beloved One [Part 1 of 2] 

This started as me wanting Chaol Westfall to face his fears about periods, and who better to help him than the beautiful and terrifying Manon Blackbeak. But then it just turned into something I did not see coming. And although I’m NOT sorry for what I did, you should prepare your hearts. (Side note: this takes place in the same universe/timeline as my Elorcan fanfic, so if you’ve read that, then you’ll understand some of the references.)

Summary: Chaol Westfall fears what he does not understand: periods, witches, and magic. But he loves his king and country, and he would do anything to protect both. While on a routine supply run, Chaol is forced to face his fears, his prejudices and worst of all, disappointing his king.  

Manon Blackbeak could give a shit what Westfall thinks of her relationship with Dorian. She just wants him to shut up and stay alive. When a supply run does not go as planned, Manon finds herself relying on the last person she ever thought she would as she and Dorian face one of the darkest moments of their lives.

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