alternature universe

a few bertl headcanons, to lighten the mood...

1. Bert is an avid music fan, and enjoys singing loudly in the car when he drives

2. This is irritating to Reiner, especially considering Bert’s favorite car-aoke tune is No Doubt’s ‘Underneath it All’

3. Bert has a speech impediment, which has lessened to a slight lisp due to years of speech therapy

4. Bertolt is a huge Kate Nash fan, and owns her entire discography. His favorite song of hers is Merry/Happy.

5. Bert’s favorite food is Grilled Cheese Sandwiches

6. Bert is a wonderful cook, and his dream career would be as a sous chef in a fine-dining restaurant.

7. He loves the food network, and watches it almost everyday.

8. Bert is a nice Jewish Boy. He cried at his Bar Mitzvah.

9. He wears his yamaka on Jewish holidays.

10. Bertolt can often be caught saying yiddish phrases, especially when he’s talking to himself– all his friends are used to hearing him mumble things like “bubbeleh,” “chutzpah,” and of course “kibitz” under his breath

11. Bert gets very anxious using the ATM. He almost always puts his card in the wrong way and he hates getting beeped at. He’s extremely nervous he’ll forget his pin number, because one time he forgot it and the machine ate his card. (thanks @titansatemysoul)

12. Bert makes long lists before he goes to the grocery store and checks them religiously. If he forgets anything on the list, he has to go straight back and get it.

13. Bertolt is an avid knitter, and loves knitting patterns.

14. One Christmas when he was broke, he made everyone blankets, hats, and scarves. He knew everyone’s favorite colors without asking.

15. Bertolt remembers everyone’s birthday, right off the top of his head.

16. He keeps his spaces very clean. Not necessarily because he hates messes, but because he panics when he loses things. 

17. When Bertolt knows he isn’t very good at something, he will dedicate his time and consistently work hard to get better at it.

18. This was the case with shuffling playing cards, which he used to be miserable at. Now he can do a perfect bridge shuffle.

19. Bertolt loves Lox on his bagels. Reiner used to tell him that was disgusting until Bert made him try some, home made from scratch.

20. When Bert is stressed out his first coping mechanism is to go for a run. He loves to run. Like Forrest Gump.

21. He also loves push-ups. He can do these with one hand, but he doesn’t brag about it or anything.

22. Bertolt has a pair of reading glasses he wears whenever he needs to see up close. He has a second pair just for reading things on his computer.

23. Bertolt is a very chill person, until he’s not. His temper is hair-trigger, and its often a point of embarrassment for him when he loses his cool. 

24. He loves his French Press. 

25. Bertolt is a mama’s boy. He loves hanging out with his mom, and has a set day every week that he goes out with her on mom dates.

26. He owns 6 versions of the same sweater in different colors. This goes for pants, tee-shirts, underwear, and socks, as well.

27. Bertolt loves patterned socks. He collects special patterned socks to wear on special occasions. 

28. Bertolt wakes up early everyday to make Reiner lunch. He puts in a note with every single one.

29. He enjoys the simple things in life. Cupcake Wars, Progressive Juicing, Self-Striping Yarn, and Brisket, to name a few.

30. Bertolt’s favorite book is Naked Lunch. 

31. Bert collects novelty mugs. He has hundreds, and he notices everytime Reiner tries to give one away. 

32. His favorite band is The Arcade Fire.

33. Bertolt was raised on post punk as a teen. He still has all his band shirts from his favorite shows. 

34. He loves showtunes. He is not embarrassed about loving showtunes. 

35. He subscribes to a variety of DIY zines and web message boards. 

dedicated to sweet angels @partydanchou @didanwhisperer @dyke-jonze and @titansatemysoul, who love bertl as much as me in these hard times *sobs*

[Red vs Blue] Fic - White Noise

Title: White Noise

Fandom: Red vs Blue

Characters: Maine, Wash, Carolina

Pairing: Maine/Wash

Spoilers: Vague spoilers for S10

Summary: Wash rarely wears his helmet anymore. It makes it easier for Maine to tell if it’s Wash he’s talking to, or The Meta.

Alternate Universe I’m playing with.

Other Parts:


Short Straw

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