altern84m

Watch Repair by Mad Hatter


STEP ONE:
 First and most importantly; thoroughly clean the watch by dipping it in a teapot. This will keep the teapot from boiling over since a watched pot never boils.
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STEP TWO:
 Place the watch on a flat surface. If you swing it hard enough it should open up, if it doesn’t then perhaps you don’t look like you can be trusted.
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STEP THREE:
 Observe the springy bits closely to determine what kind of watch it is. A good watch will tell you the day and the month, but nothing unnecessary like what o'clock it is.
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STEP FOUR:
 Remove all excess parts like wheels, springs and gears or anything moving. There likely would have never been a problem if the watch hadn’t these wheels in the first place.
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STEP FIVE:
 Add butter generously. Use only the best butter, and a proper bread-knife to keep crumbs from getting in the works.
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STEP SIX:
 Give the watch a second coating of tea, unless the watch has somewhere to be, it’s rude to hold up your guests when tea-time is over.
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STEP NINE:
 Insert two spoons of sugar, or just forget the sugar and insert 2 spoons. If you can’t find two spoons it is best to substitute with 3 spoons.
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STEP TEN:
 Apply jam to the entire watch, because a gear can’t very well become jammed if it already got jam.
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STEP ELEVEN:
 Finally, squeeze in a touch of lemon to compliment all that tea you poured in earlier. Lemon is agreeable with most black teas so there won’t be much arguing.
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STEP TWELVE:
 Close the watchback and remove excess food from the outside. You could remove food from the inside as well but you’ve already closed the watch.
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STEP THIRTEEN:
 Test the watch upon completing repairs. So long as it doesn’t give you the wrong time, then it must be doing something right.
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FINAL TOUCH:
 The watch will likely have gone mad by this point, so gently eradicate the watch with an enormous mallet.
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REMEMBER:
 Observe your work. Or don’t, it doesn’t truly matter because you were just doing this to kill Time anyway.
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ALL FINISHED:
Return the watch to it’s rightful owner. If you are the owner then you will not be able to return it and you have flubbed this entire final step.
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FOOTNOTE:
 It is a common misconception that mustard is good for a watch that runs slow, if you believe this then perhaps you should not be repairing watches in the first place.
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by Altern84m


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