HOW ABOUT if you don’t have DID you don’t tell DID systems:
-how they can/can’t act
-what types of alters they can/can’t have
-how many alters they can/can’t have
-how they can/can’t talk about their illness
-how they can/can’t interact with the DID community
-how they can/can’t “romanticize” their illness
-what terms they can/can’t use
-how they can/can’t cope
-literally anything else that you obviously can’t understand 1st hand because you don’t have DID so stop trying to police how we deal with something that you will never understand as well as we do
@pinkcamo74 “how do you get your system to get along? I have been recently diagnosed. Alex is my persecutor he likes to hurt our host and I know he does not mean to do to harm. and we are trying to get him to stop. But it is hard. He thinks he is helping but he is not. How do we get this through to him?? “
I was actually a bit hesitant to answer your question, because I feel like my advice may be viewed as misguided by other systems - I would like to advise you beforehand that what I say may not work for your system, and asking other systems is always beneficial.
In short, our own system does not get along simply because I go “I want all of us to get along.” Respecting / knowing your alters is helpful, but you have to remember that your alters come from trauma - getting your system to get along means you need to understand why these alters are present and how they relate to you. Each alter plays a role in the system, one for survival - they may not be trauma holders, but they may play key roles in your day to day life /’ during trigger moments / stressful environments and scenarios. When you see other systems in “harmony” it’s mostly due to years of work behind the scenes, but even at that, don’t be misguided by how happy systems may seem on tumblr, there’s a lot of pain that goes on in the background that people choose not to share.
As for us, have a very open door policy - this means we let alters and fragments come and go, and that we believe that alters are inherently good.
Demonizing them is not the way we would go about things, as we’ve learned that when you do that, alters are less likely to let you notice them. We don’t pressure them into staying, and encourage them to be themselves when out. This means we need to be both patient, observant, and unbiased during interactions with them.
We tend to view persecutors as misguided protectors - they might be trying to protect you from something you might not necessarily be noticing. Our persecutor comes out when our host attempt to remember something that caused us major trauma, this person comes out and shifts the thoughts towards calling her a slut and a whore, telling her to hurt herself because she is these things. Another comes out when we’re lying to our parents, she says that if our parents EVER catch us lying again in an explosive manner, she’ll kill us.
We tend to see this as a distraction technique - the persecutor shifts the thoughts and body into a completely new kind of environment with their actions, thus preventing the initial thing we were trying to set out to do. It could be unconscious fears / triggers / bad memories / that they’re trying to keep you away from with their extreme measures. Perhaps this is what Alex is trying to do?
We try to be grateful to our persecutor alters - they’re willing to do what they must in order to “help” us. Of course their actions can be devastating, but showing them compassion and and saying “thank you for trying to protect me” can go a long way.
Dealing with Persecutors - This can take a lot of time, persecutors can be very rooted in their ideology. Please don’t think that because you haven’t mended things in a few months you never will, these things take years. We’ve been doing this for years and we’re still working on it, we don’t even know their name(s).
We have found that making recording of ourselves explaining why the persecutors actions are wrong were helpful, we also gave tips to them on how they could be helpful in certain situations. You could even try when they aren’t present and a protector was dealing with something, someone could go, “Hey, Alex, if you were here, would you be able to help me in this situation?” “Hey Alex, what would you do in this situation?” it may grab his attention and help broaden his horizon, if you’re lucky maybe he’ll go co-con with someone who can soften him up in a sense.
Being grateful has also been helpful to us - we thanked them for trying to help us and protect us, but told them that harming the body and others was not the right way to do it. It might sound silly, but telling them thank you for doing what could not be done by others might be the key to getting you guys on better terms. Be genuine when dealing with them, they’ll be able to tell when they’re being tricked (at least, ours have.) It might also help if you leave notes for the persecutor, asking them to write down why they feel like they do what they do, or what is supporting their ideology. Understanding where they come from in your trauma and what they’re protecting you from might be able to get you to understand them without them telling you - either way, trying to establish a line of communication is always a good first step.
Sorry if this wasn’t helpful to you @ . @” I tried my best!
1. Change the sheets - the activity is tactile and requires concentration the sheets are clean so smell good.
2. Dance or sing - you can do this in your bedroom or around the house. It doesn’t have to be in public! Helps you expend energy and calm down is fun and if you use music that means something to you or one of your alters it can be grounding.
3. Bake - a tactile activity that requires concentration. Grounding with delicious results!!
4. A hot shower - my last resort grounding technique as it can be inconvenient !! Strip off and stand under the water hot or cold. Cleanses you. Not that you are dirty. Just cleanses you of stress, bad thoughts and mad thoughts!
5. Walk barefoot - shoes are great but they disconnect you from your world. Walking barefoot on crisp grass is great!
6. Gardening - sounds a bit odd but it’s a great way to see and appreciate the world around you.
7. Take a duvet day - sometimes there is nothing better than to wrap yourself in a soft blanket and say “there there” to yourself!
8. Paint - you don’t have to be artistic!
9. Moisturise - every yummy glob of body cream rubbed in brings you one step closer to being grounded. Carry hand cream in your handbag!
10. This one is for you to choose - not because I’m lazy but different things work for different people and being creative is fun!!!! Let us know your ideas!
Working at the precinct as a detective was probably the best and worst job in the world. The benefits were good, and so were your co-workers, but the workload was enough to make you want to drop.
“(Y/N), got another case for you.” Your boss, Captain Tanaka, called you into his office. “Thomas Vanderbilt, a Meth, might be double-sleeving. I need you to get information on him, so tonight, you’re going to the Bancroft’s party and observing.”
“Mr. Tanaka, with all due respect, this isn’t really my specialty-”
“It is now. The banquet starts at 8, be there or you’re getting demoted.”
“You wouldn’t dare, I am not going back on coffee run duty. Do you know how much you people drink? I’m on a detective’s salary here!”
“Try me, (Y/N).”
✧ ✧ ✧
Annoyed, you put on your most expensive dress, aiming not to stand out, and begrudgingly made your way to the Bancroft home.
As soon as you stepped into the house, eyes looked you over. Ignoring the lustful stares you received, you made your way towards the outer edge of the room, deciding the best approach you could attempt was to observe the way Vanderbilt acted. As your eyes wandered, you failed to notice a body stand beside yours.
“Shouldn’t someone like you be enjoying the party?” You looked to your left, you noticed the presents of someone beside you.
He thinks I’m a Meth?
“Takeshi Kovacs, right?” He nodded, beginning to respond. “Before you ask how I knew, I’ve seen you come around the precinct during my shift, so I asked Ortega about it.”
Brushing off the feeling of recognition, he smirked.
“Sorry, you just look too expensive to be working there… I haven’t even seen you there before, and trust me, I’d’ve remembered seeing such a pretty face.”
“Are you flirting with me? Wow, Kristin was way to generous describing you, from what I’ve seen in the last three minutes, I’m not impressed.” Rolling your eyes, you began to walk away, keeping an eye on your target. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a job to do.”
✧ ✧ ✧
Later, you found yourself standing around a pit, watching the Envoy you had met only hours before being brutally beaten. Scoffing at the pure audacity the Meth’s possessed, you decided to walk away from the scene.
Takeshi Kovacs. You thought, intrigued by his actions throughout the entire night. What’s your deal?
Exiting the home and walking towards your taxi, you heard a voice come from behind you.
“(Y/N).” Turning around, you came face to face with Takeshi.
“Ugh, not you again… What’d you want?”
“You left before I got the chance to ask you on a date.”
“And why would I accept?”
“The same reason I’m asking, you intrigue me. Now call it ‘Envoy Intuition’, but I have a feeling I interest you too.”
“Haha, well, for once, your intuition was wrong. No.” Denial.
“Why do you hate me so much? Come on, I know you want to get to know me… Maybe you can even help me solve this murder I’ve been working on.” The ulterior motive.
“First, I don’t hate you, and second, I’m not gonna go out with you because you want some free detective help. Ask me out because you actually want to go out.”
Hearing silence, you sped up your pace.
“Wait! Ah fuck, (Y/N), you wanna maybe… Get a drink sometime? I’d like to get to know you better, if you’re willing.”
“See, was that so hard? Pick me up tomorrow at 7.” Because the two of you had been walking while you talked the entire time, you pulled the handle and stepped inside the car, closing the door behind you.
Rolling down the window, you quickly exclaimed, “Don’t be late” as the car was flying away towards your home.
“(Y/N)! I don’t even know where you live!”
“You’ll figure it out. Use your ‘Envoy Intuition’!”