also: today is the day we make our own reaction images

anonymous asked:

Harry basically just confirmed haylor was a thing soooo... Idk how to respond

“Conf-”

Oh lord. 

Okay I’ve literally not looked at social media for most of the day because I’m working somewhere where I deal with sensitive information and therefore cannot have my phone at my desk. 

So I have no idea what anyone thinks of that article aside from @vocabularryonthemind , @mellygrant and @nautilarrie who I text on the reg during my breaks to be like, “VASS HAPPENIN SELENE???” But today was an exception because I was trying to Focus™ and thus I really have no concept of anyone’s reaction to this article. 

I read it in my uber to work and almost threw my phone out the window because, being the darkest fucking Larrie possible, I live in Laurel/Larry Canyon and this diner he speaks of is where Choe ( @vocabularryonthemind) and I go to write when we don’t want to upset my housemates with our witch cackling writing sessions. And THE COUNTRY STORE IS WHERE I GO TO GET MY UK NECESSITIES EW HARRY LET ME LIVE. I can literally throw a rock off my balcony and hit the Country Store so I was all kinds of, “WHAT FUCKING SORCERY IS THIS???” when I read that article. I moved to LA and had naht a clue about what was what and just chose this place randomly and honestly after having a job across the street from where Liam lived in London I never thought shit could get weird like that again but here I am. Destined to be forever fuckin reminded of what trash I am for 1D because they’re literally in my goddamn face.  

Actual footage of me trying to leave the 1D fandom:

What the hell were we talking about? Never underestimate my ADHD and ego’s ability to literally make anything about me. 

Oh yeah! Haylno. 

Look mad props to Tay Tay for her successful career and such, but Harry couldn’t have swerved that question harder than if he literally went for a wee and never came back. This was probably him on that super long wee break:

“Uhhhh Jeff what should I say?…Yeah I’m not gonna say that, bye.” *click* … “Lou they’re asking about her…” And Louis was all

Just kidding…this guy was never just going to like flamboyantly jump into the spotlight all

Omg jk again because lol

Harry be like 

I’m sorry, but Harry didn’t get the fuckin bee for you to be a weak Larrie. 

This “confession”…

As Michael McIntyre said, “They are media. Trained. Super stars!”

Harry might be bangin on the closet door but he can hardly just casually mention that the most heavily manufactured and public relationship he’s ever had was fake. I mean, I try to take everything Harry says literally but the man actually dresses up teddy bears to send coded messages and the irony of his cheery, “I’ve been completely honest with you *WINK*!” parting words weren’t lost on me. 

So you’re telling me that for 20 months, when we have actual proof (FROM LOUIS AND HARRY VIA THEIR OWN MOUTHS AND TWITTERS) that Louis and Harry were living together, Harry slept on a mattress on the floor in Ben Winston’s attic? 

I mean they’ve been trying to rewrite that part of history for ages, and who knows why? Not me. 

I don’t doubt he was a regular guest, but I hardly believe that he was this hobo that the Winstons make him out to be. 

Anyway, I’ve been saying it for awhile, but “Style” is about John Mayer, not Harry. (x

Harry continues to be classy about how he approaches this issue, which is WAY more than anyone can say about Taylor Swift. It was almost F I V E  Y E A R S ago and she still allows everyone to speculate that every song she writes was about a one-month bearding stint, whereas Harry has talked about it literally once, and probably as a necessity in toeing the line in this new solo venture. 

What better way to keep his aggressively private life private than by vaguely acknowledging a four week “relationship”…if you’re trying to tell me that an entire album was forged from that then maybe you should be talking to a Taylor Swift blog because I don’t believe that shit for a second. 

Harry did mention that the entire album was for a “she”. He also said…

and

…am I the only one who thought he was talking about Anne?

Anyway, I saw this as a very significant step away from the “lothario” and “womanising” image that was created around him throughout the entirety of the first few years of One Direction. I thought the article was honest and served its purpose. And proved once again that Harry is more of a show than tell kind of guy. 

And that he is one

SHADY

BETCH

Just another Camren Theory

Things to be clear before I begin this theory:

  • All the facts are assumptions. 
  • All the facts are of my own mind (you are not required to agree).
  • I’m definitely not good with specific days/months/years.
  • My native language is not English… so… sorry about some mistakes!

Well…despite not being good with the timeline, let’s start! Let’s do this!
Fasten your seat belts and stay comfortable.

Every-fucking-time I read questions and theories about Camren, everyone has the same impression: They had a relationship for almost ¾ years. We could all see that in all those years, the one who seemed most comfortable in giving us “hints” and talking a little more quietly about Camren, was Camila.

We have all seen that Lauren didn’t deal well with the situation about this relationship in the beginning. She always seemed to be in conflict with herself, with what she felt and what or whom she liked (boys/girls).

Starting from the assumption that Camren had a relationship for almost 4 years, I began to think about these facts that I will present below.

This theory doesn’t have much to do with Camila’s departure from the band, but some facts inevitably intertwine.

At the beginning of 2016, everything looked fine between Camren. The M&G pictures in Brazil showed that everything seemed to be okay. The concerts in Brazil were from 28/June to 05/July of 2016.

I believe they were together and happy at the time, but some conflict had already begun.

Camila already showed signs of tiredness, but not of sadness. Lauren looked very happy and comfortable nearby Camila.

Okay, another point I’d like to say, in that theory I’m not going to involve Lucy, because Laucy as a love relationship isn’t something I believe, so all the trips that Lauren made with Lucy, for me it was like “best friends time”.

Not only in Brazil, but throughout the beginning of the 7/27 Tour they were looking at each other at the concerts and seemed to be okay.

And the M&G things just seemed to be fine too…

At some point, things started to change. The soundcheck began to get increasingly weird, the girls increasingly separated from Camila. Camila was getting more and more depressed, sad and tired.

So what happened? Lauren betrayed Camila? Camila betrayed Lauren? Did they fight? Did they split up? Well… Several times we saw that Lauren was trying to remain happy while Camila had a miserable look of sadness. They were getting farther away in the soundchecks, Lauren disappeared and they said she was stuck in traffic and they did not interact anymore. They did not even sit together anymore.

Of everything I believe about Camren, it’s impossible for me to think about betrayal. At least the way I see this relationship. Pure, crazy, dependent, strong, intense and REAL! No, I don’t think there was betrayal, we know our girls, can you imagine Lauren doing that with her cute bow-girl? Can you imagine Camila doing that with her planet-green-eyes-girl? Well, call me naive or whatever, but I can not!

Camila had a problem with her anxiety and the problems began to be exposed. I think she began to feel the pressure of having to choose and decide about her future and their relationship. 

It seems that things have gotten complicated and they have been moving away. Camila was the farthest.

Ok … here comes what I think happened. Camila expressed her willingness to leave the group, arguing perhaps that she needed more freedom to write, to show her art the way she always dreamed. I believe that all this, in a way, they already wanted her to be a solo artist because they acted to make it happen naturally (they could have double money with this). I also believe that part of the Fifth Harmony team didn’t want that. This includes the parents of the other girls. Of course, everyone knew that the band would be able to continue without Camila, but that would certainly shake a certain structure they already had.

I think Camila wanted and had enough courage to assume Camren, but when the idea of going out as a solo artist came along, I believe it has retreated in her mind. I think this was “offered” to the Camren couple, like “okay, you guys will have more freedom, you can get out of this fucking closet and be freer, but you have to stay in the band”.

I think Lauren accepted this agreement because we saw that along the Tour, she was getting out of the closet gradually and we saw that Camila was running away more and more.

Lauren seemed very happy, after all, had come to the possibility of getting Camren out the closet and finally be TOGETHER.

But she seemed to be always doing all this alone…

I believe there was a conversation where Lauren made it clear that she was going to jump out of the closet, but Camila backed off because somehow she was warned by her “solo team” that if she was really leaving the band, she couldn’t assume her sexuality. On the contrary, they would have to reaffirm and reinforce her sexuality as HETEROSEXUAL!

Lauren kept doing this on her own and obviously gained the support of the other girls. I think what turned the girls away from Camila might have been that. For years dating Lauren, giving hints all over the internet, making love statements and when it comes time to assume…she leaves the band and let Lauren all alone with this ship to pursue her own dreams. 

I remember when Normani’s mom tweeted something about selfishness.

Well… and Clara seemed to be always posting things to defend Lauren and leave doubts in the air.

Camila’s parents no longer helped with the things about Fifth Harmony. Camila’s solo team was more active than ever and she was making it clear throughout the Tour that it would be the last one with the girls. She was making it clear in pictures, social media, reactions and trying to keep her image as straight as possible.

I think at the end of the day, Lauren still hoped that Camila would stay and assume Camren with her, and I even think Camila thought about it, but she has warned again, that if she assumed Camren, Goodbye solo career!

So I guess everyone remembers what happened when a fan asked her (Camila) if she identified herself with the sun or with the moon (Theory of the Sun & Moon) and she said that she identified herself with the MOON, BUT SHE DID NOT KNOW WHY SHE PERSONIFIES THE MOON AS “SHE”.

And I think everyone remembers Lauren’s reaction, right?

For me, Lauren’s reaction on that day was something like: “okay, I’ve already seen that I’m going to do it myself! No Camren for Camila today (or tomorrow)!!”

I really think Camila kept trying to make Camren continue hidden. I guess she didn’t want the relationship to end, but Lauren wanted to assume her sexuality. I think in a way, they initially reached an agreement, after much talk, including and especially between the two 5H X SOLO teams. Like: "she’s going to leave, Lauren can assume, but she can not put Camila on it.” … and for me, that’s how the idea of giving an “up” in Laucy showed up. I think Lucy knew everything and tried to help her best friend. I think Lauren and Camila came to some agreement between them. I think Lauren refused to continue dating and hiding the relationship and that’s what made Camila sad. 

Pursue my dreams or give them up for love ??? 

She was practically between the cross and the sword and she had to choose.

They knew she would leave …

I think that after Lauren realized that Camila was not going to go back, she was not going to stay, she was not going to assume Camren, she started trying to get away for a bit … but I also think that Camila continued trying to make Camren survive inside the closet. 

That’s when Lauren collapsed on stage…

But Lauren seemed strong after that day. She started going out, going to parties, traveling and also fulfilled her “part” in the “agreement” that was to increase Laucy’s popularity as a couple.

For me, it was something like: “Okay, Camila … you want to leave and you will not assume? I’ll make it easier on you! I will not speak about you and I’ll help you kill Camren if that’s what you need/want.”. I think Lauren was really angry and asked Lucy for help.

That’s why I think everyone started giving indirect through social media … especially the Jauregui family. I think they got mad with the feeling that: “then she says she loves my daughter, they live all this craziness and then my daughter gets alone in this whole shit and carry on her back?? As their daughter leaves the band to make her happy solo career??? What the fuck???”.

Call me crazy, or call me delusional, so we’re more accustomed to this term … but I really believe that’s how came from the drama of Clara unfollowing the Cabello family on social networks, Taylor leaving some twitts, Chris deleting his picture with Camila, Lucy unfollowing Camila, Vero no longer supporting Camila (and Camren) … anyway, summing up …

Camila and Lauren fell in love, even with everything a little confused, they started a relationship, they stayed together a long time, Camila wanted to assume, while not thinking about pursuing the solo career, Lauren trying to hide. Finally, Lauren wanted to assume, but Camila was introduced to the idea of having a career the way she had always dreamed, but for that, she would have to deny and kill Camren for good. Lauren tries to assume with Camila, who decides for her solo career. Jauregui family get extremely angry, the other girls upset (For having followed their relationship for all these years), Lauren’s friends gets upset and angry. Camila with just a little of support, always walking with her mom or with Ashlee Juno, who was practically her only “friend” at the end of the 7/27 Tour in 2016.

What do I think about the present time?

I think Camila keep all this time trying to get back with Lauren and trying to talk to try to keep Camren alive, but hidden from the audience. I really think she keeps trying. 

Why?

Because of everything she posts on social media, for all the hints, for the way she’s been directed to talk more about boys, but at the same time, she still leaves roses on the way to certain "you” that we already know who it is!

No, I do not think Camila is the villain and Lauren the angel. Maybe in the heat of the moment, they hurt too much themselves the way this relationship went. For some time we could see Camila very sad and post things like:

Maybe Lauren hurt her before, maybe they ended up fighting because of jealousy … (Because if you believe Lauren betrayed Camila, what reason would her family have to ignore or “attack” the Cabello family? They could not “complain” if their own daughter had done this to Camila. They would not have the moral for it.)

Maybe Lauren is starting to give in, maybe not. Maybe she still thinks that Camila’s departure and the fact that she was “abandoned” with Camren in her arms was some kind of betrayal. Maybe she’s still hurt. Maybe the Laucy kiss was purposely like: “She does not want me to kill Camren? So that’s how I’m going to do it!” … maybe it was a way to hurt Camila how she felt hurt. I can not really tell what happened, but that’s all I believe in. Obviously, it should not be 100% that way, but this is just another theory, like so many others about Camren.

But Camila seems very happy lately … and Lauren is more beautiful and radiant than ever. Camila smiled again like she did before. Camren ship seems to be sailing again … and we stand strong in this (delusional/crazy) sea!

Mute Part 11

Part 10

Genre: Angst
Words: 1,812
Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: Rape mentions (pls don’t read if this will trigger anything & also i’m here to listen if anyone needs to talk)
Summary: Bucky doesn’t know what to do when traumatizing events result in your witty remarks dying down to nothing.


When you woke in the morning, your eyes were heavy with dried tears. Exhaustion wore down on your bones from stress and tequila, and you wanted nothing more than to curl back into the warmth beneath you. That was, at least, until you realized that warmth was Bucky’s hard chest.

You didn’t know when he had gotten there, only vaguely remembering your nightmare with Steve last night, but from the look of dark coloring underneath his eyes, he had been up most of the night, too. It hurt your heart to know that he was in pain because of you, and this was exactly the point you were trying to make just the day before. He obviously didn’t listen.

You loved this stubborn man.

Keep reading

Long Time

Requested by: Anonymous

Summary: When the reader’s best friend moves to the other side of the country, they certainly never expected to bump into him two years later.

Pairing(s): Ethan x Reader

Warnings: None! I was a pure bean for once.

A/N: It took me a looong time to get round to writing this, but here it is. In this the reader is from Maine like Ethan so I apologise to everyone that lives elsewhere (that’s gotta be, like, the majority of y’all, right?). Flashbacks/memories are in italics.

Originally posted by nestorquik

The strong scent of coffee hit you instantly as you stepped into the café. You ordered your usual, popping your headphones into your ears as you received the paper cup and stepped back outside into the street. It was a bright and sunny day, something you were still getting used to since you had only moved from Maine a couple of months ago.

You couldn’t help but feel a little homesick as your mind wandered back to your family and friends that were currently on the opposite side of America. All of your dreams had come true when you were accepted into an elite college in Los Angeles, a place you had always longed to see. You sighed as you thought back to when Ethan Nestor was in your life. You had grown up together, your entire lives you were practically joined at the hip. Everyone would comment on how close you were and that, some day, you would wind up married. He was your rock, your soulmate. Nothing could separate the two of you.


Five years ago

“That’s no fair, you cheated!” Ethan panted as he reached the bench you were sprawled across.

“You said it was a race, you never specified when said race started.” You laughed at him, patting the seat next to you.

“God damn you, Y/N Y/L/N.” He grumbled, collapsing onto the bench and resting an arm over the back of it. You instinctively manoeuvred yourself into his side and he wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

The two of you sat in silence for a while, watching the sun set over the horizon, before Ethan stood up and suggested you start walking back home.

“Stay round mine for the night,” you offered. “You know you’re welcome to.”

“That’s just what we need, more evidence suggesting we’re dating.” He joked, removing his jacket and throwing it around your frame to protect you from the cold.

“Well, can you blame everyone for thinking it?” You teased.

“As if I’d ever date you, you’re gross.”

“I’m gross? At least I don’t have cooties.”

“Real mature, Y/N. The day I date you is the day Hell freezes over.”

“I’d rather shave my head than date you.” You laughed, prodding him in the ribs playfully.

“Tell you what, if we end up dating then we can shave our heads together.”

“Nah,” you said, running your fingers through his thick, brown hair. “I like your hair too much. Why don’t you dye it instead?”

He grinned and nodded in agreement. “What colour should I dye it?”

You shrugged, thinking of his favourite colour. “How about blue?”

“You have yourself a deal,” he said, shaking your hand. “When we start dating I will dye my hair and you’ll shave yours off.”

I think you mean if we start dating, Ethan.”

“Yeah, sure, if.”

Keep reading

Thoughts on Down

This is a long-ass shit, and I’m not forcing you to read. Also, please be reminded that this is just MY opinion. We all have different opinions, and I’m here to simply share my thoughts, and not to convince you to change yours. So please don’t go to my ask pushing your opinion. I already heard yours. I woke up to a bunch of “asks” and I already know that some don’t like it, while some do.

My initial reaction:

• why is this so auto-tuned? Okay, Dinah’s voice sounds like smooth warm caramel on top of a sundae. Why is this so basic? Lauren’s adlibs tho! Why are the lyrics so generic? Oooh WFH melody… It’s gonna be a bop! Wait why is the chorus so blandly repetitive? But it’s not that bad. Why do they sound so alike?

• and picture me with my earphones on listening to the first verse, pre-hook, chorus and shit with a pensive look on my face, and disappointment running through my head like damn I wanted more…

But then Gucci Mane came in, (and I know I’m the minority in this one), but for me, the first authentic reaction the song elicited from me was his part.

Why? Because his part was so off and out of nowhere that it took me out of the rut I was in. Like imagine a flat line where the song was just monotonous, like a car cruising on a smooth freeway (not bad, but also kind of boring) but then you run into a pothole and you get jerked off your stupor…

That’s what gucci’s part was for me. A tiny spike on that flat line. A deviation that held my attention. I’m not saying it’s amazing. I’m saying that the grating sound of the bass and the randomness of it was what made me smile while listening to it. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that I was smiling the whole time I was listening to that weird bass with a tiny bit of goosebumps on my skin because I knew then that I COULD like Down without lying to myself. It was the only thing that caught my attention, aside from Lauren’s adlibs (which, girl, I wish she did more. I live for Lauren going offffff)

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m so done with these collabs with rappers, like I wanted to hear them alone, like they did with Boss (idc if you say that one is trash lmao, Boss is a bop for me. I fucking love that shit 😂), but if they really have to collab with rappers, I wish it wasn’t Gucci. Maybe Chance, or Migos damn…

But if it were up to me, I wish they would have collabed with female rappers. I still am salty that NTKG wasn’t utilized much. A missed opportunity with Missy Elliott like bitch you had to release TMG over NTKG? NTKG was at least more authentic with the sound it’s trying to project. It was old school and it owned it. Like Voicemail was reminiscent of 90’s bops and not lacing it with today’s trendy dancehall or tropical vibe. It has its own sound, and not a mix of everything generic we hear today where we hear a song and we automatically hear the edm producers more than the artist.

But OMG I digress, sorry.

So yeah, DOWN…

So after my initial reaction, I gave it a couple more listen, and then I watched the live performance, then I slept, then I woke up the next day and I listened to the audio a couple more times, watched the live several more, and here’s my conclusion:

• Down is that kind of a summer bop which grows on you. It’s not a bad song. It’s simplistic but also season-friendly. It’s probably what the label insisted on as their first release.

The reason why it probably feels lacking for me, aside from its repetitiveness, is that maybe it lacks another verse. It’s shorter than WI and WFH so it feels incomplete. There must be a reason for it. It could really be just a teaser.

• at this point in my 5h-stanning life, I’m not even expecting anything mind-blowing. All I want is for 5H to slay the charts, because this should be their era. They seem genuinely happy now and my god after everything they’ve been through (label shit and all), ALL FIVE OF THEM deserve our unwavering support.

• Sure, Down isn’t what I expected. Yes, I wanted more. I wanted more lyrics. I wanted a kickass sound. But, idk man, after several repeats, I think it’s a good enough bop.

• with regards to the vocals, I still hate the auto-tuned shit. I get that maybe they’re finally utilizing Lauren’s range, but I prefer that they don’t auto tune much because I could barely hear her rasp (which was still obvious in her live performance, despite the higher tone she’s using).

Maybe they’re doing it on purpose, making them sound the same as a symbol of their new sound’s “cohesiveness”, but I prefer old 5h where their voices are uniquely different.

• and I’m not even complaining that it sounds like WFH. I don’t have a problem with an artist using a tried and tested formula for ONE of their album’s single. It’s meant to hook the audience. It gives them that familiar sound which could make a NON-FAN recognize their older hits and draw them to the new one. Just because they said “NEW ERA” doesn’t mean that they should change their ENTIRE sound. There’s always that one or two singles that are meant to hook the general public. It’s a constant compromise a mainstream artist makes with their label.

(I mean, The Chainsmokers basically generate the same sound over and over and they’re charting as if they created music. And no, I’m not a big fan of the chainsmokers.

Point is, re-using WFH is not something unheard of. It’s a business move.)

You really can’t please everybody. Because when Lady Gaga released an album that felt authentic for her, some people criticized it and kept saying they wanted the old “Bad Romance” Gaga. When Lorde released her new single, Green Light, her hipster fanbase called her a sell-out and didn’t like that she’s deviated from her “sound” to be more mainstream and I was like bitch can’t an artist explore a different side of her artistry?

And on the flip side, can’t an artist use their old sound? My point is, Down was produced by the same people who made WFH for a reason. They are playing safe. They wanted a single that would generate enough attention like their previous ones did. Then maybe, just maybe, their next singles which probably showcase their authentic sound and lyrics will have as much impact since now people are paying attention. Because no matter how much we want them to be authentic, they’re still a girl group under a greedy ass label who needs them to maintain what their idea of a girl group music and image should be..

And while Down is not something I’m particularly excited about, it’s starting to get stuck in my head, and I don’t hate it. It’s a light summery chill song that’s good to play with your friends while sipping on your drinks by the pool. It is what it was supposed to be.

I get it, I was disappointed too. Down is a downer. But I’m not gonna judge the whole album with one single yet. I’m gonna wait.

This is why I wrote this one before Down was released:

https://problematic-camren.tumblr.com/post/161338803713/5h3

Because I knew that I wasn’t expecting much from their music. I sure hope for more, definitely, BUT stanning 5H isn’t always about their music.

And just because I don’t like a few of their songs, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve my support.

I’m supporting 5h because they represent girls who are not a standard definition of what society thinks a girl should look like or how they should act like. They symbolize us. They showed us that one can achieve their dreams through hard work, and while they have been mistreated before (by their label and by fans alike) they still kept their heads up high, with grace and maturity, and kept on spreading love and inspiration, and they kept on smiling even if their hearts were breaking. They kept striving to be the best they could be, and it’s inspiring. And to see genuine warmth from these pop stars, their love and appreciation for their fans, is something that makes me wanna stan them forever. That’s why even if i really don’t like their music, I’d still keep on stanning them, because what they shared to us, the representation they gave us, the beauty and poise they all showed us, man, even if they fucking screeched for an entire album, I’ll be fuucking putting that on loop and still support their asses.

And I know it’s blind support, but I knew what I was getting into when I started supporting 5h. I wasn’t a pop person before this, I knew I won’t love their music so much. I stan them because I like them, plain and simple.

And I know it’s different for everybody. It’s all just a matter of preferences. Some could unstan just coz they don’t like the song, and that’s totally okay. We’re free to stan or unstan whoever we want. But like I said, it’s just one song. Let’s wait for the other singles and the album.

Ideally, I would love for them to show us everything they have as artists. This is their chance to go big. They have so much potential and I would have liked to see it shine while they’re still in the group. I want the brand Fifth Harmony to leave a lasting mark in this industry. I want them to be on the same spot as TLC or SG or DC. I want them to legit deserve their title.

And Down is not it. But guess what? Down is just one single. I’m gonna wait patiently for the rest of their stuff. I ONLY NEED THAT ONE CLASSIC HIT I’VE BEEN CRAVING FOR SINCE I STARTED LISTENING TO THEM. ONE CLASSIC SONG THAT WOULD STILL BE PLAYED GENERATIONS LATER BECAUSE IT’S JUST SO DAMN RELATABLE AND HEARTFELT.

That’s all I want. And I hope I’ll find that in 5H3.

Yes, Down is empty.

But I won’t unstan just because of one song. We can be disappointed (as I sure was), but I think that 5H is worth more than a few musical disappointments.

💁🏻

anonymous asked:

Any advice for someone who's god has left them? (Due to said persons own stupidity and stubbornness)

First, I’m terribly sorry you feel you’ve been left. That’s a really shitty thing to have to feel, whether from a human or otherwise. Second, sometimes, what feels to us like leaving may sometimes be when we’re being given room to work through things on our own terms, rather than having them to refer to.

I don’t know what your situation is, though it sounds like you’re blaming yourself. I could say definitively that it isn’t your fault, but that may be somewhat  disingenuous so, instead, let’s acknowledge the fact that gods aren’t like us, shall we? After all, if they were like us, what would the difference be? We might as well be gods, mightn’t we?

Sure, many stories and sacred texts tell tales of the gods acting in ways we recognize as humans, but that doesn’t change what they are. They’re still gods, are they not? Even if they might once have been human, as is the case in some traditions, now they’re not.

A god is a god, even if you’re not sure what a god is  It’s that difference, that sacredness which trips something in the human mind makes you go Bugger me, that’s a god, that is!

sacred (adj.) late 14c., past participle adjective from obsolete verb sacren “to make holy” (c. 1200), from Old French sacrer “consecrate, anoint, dedicate” (12c.) or directly from Latin sacrare “to make sacred, consecrate; hold sacred; immortalize; set apart, dedicate,” from sacer (genitive sacri) “sacred, dedicated, holy, accursed,” from Old Latin saceres, from PIE root *sak- “to sanctify.” Buck groups it with Oscan sakrim, Umbrian sacra and calls it “a distinctive Italic group, without any clear outside connections.” Related: Sacredness. 

See that the quote above includes accursed?  That which gods do is, to quote a certain German philosopher Beyond good and evil.  Sure, gods can do things which might offend common morality, but that doesn’t make it good or evil in an absolute sense. It just makes it a thing a god does. Hell, I’m an Odinsman and my god baldly introduces himself as Bolverk, which translates as: worker/doer of   harm, injury, ruin, evil, mischief, wickedness.

Does what it says on the tin, right? To human morality, killing nine thralls, tricking people, obtaining things by deception, are not OK. Yet here’s Odin, tipping his hat and giving us the proverbial wink.

Why this crash-course. this reminder of the ambiguous that comes with practical theology?

Because each god has an individual character, because they are persons and not people. You believe your god has left you? I assume you mean that you can’t/haven’t felt their presence? Or maybe they’ve told you goodbye?

I don’t know. I don’t know who you are, either. Shall I tell you what I do know? 

I know you’re not the first to behave stupidly. You’re not the first to behave stubbornly. You’re not the first person to have felt their god have left them. Even Christians have a name for it - The Dark Night of the Soul.

Do you think that, in the course of an immortal being’s existence, you are the first one to fuck things up? Do you think a being who’s lasted generation after generation actually picked just you to walk away from, completely and utterly?

Nah. They’ve done it before, right? They have to have, otherwise, frankly, you’re disturbingly special. Are you, the one who behaved stupidly, and stubbornly, that special? Are you something and someone so special that, in another age, they’d compose a poem, an epic tale - The Saga of Anon the Stubbornly Stupid?

Think about it, seriously.

Because if you’re not that freakishly special, then you either belong to a select group of people from whom your god walked away, and you’re not as alone as you think. Or, the departure isn’t what you think it is.

It’s the old chestnut - when things pass beyond our ability to experience them with our senses, do they still exist? Only idiots and philosophers would question whether a person or a building might pop out of existence when they pass beyond our senses, Now, as a philosopher, I’d refine the question:

Does our felt sense or image of a thing cease to exist when that thing passes beyond our ability to sense them?

Obviously, the answer is yes, right? 

Except, sometimes the obvious is just a surface reading. Because much of we sense uses memory to fill in the gaps. When we are able to sense a thing, think of it as a live update to the memory, recorded for later recall.

(And let’s not even get into the delay between things actually happening and us sensing them, because that’s a whole other story.)

Memory works on triggers - we recognize someone by their face, their posture, their speech, their clothes etc. But there are times when something changes that doesn’t jive with our memory. How many times have we had to say: I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there, or I didn’t recognize you with you new haircut/glasses - you look so different? 

We rely on how things were rather than how they are now. The relationship you had with your god is over, done and dusted. Now, there, is only you and the kosmos, the All-That-Is. Mourn, grieve if you wish, there’s nowt wrong with that. Then dry your eyes, and take a look at the world.

You’ve probably been here before, and, back then, certain things happened which led to a relationship with your god. Now, with the benefit of hindsight, that things like that happen. That gods and spirits abound, and if you want them to be part of your world, you have to think and act in a way that isn’t exactly ordinary. You have to be observant (in all its senses) open to the rich and strange variety of the kosmos.

And you have to realize, deep within, that contact with gods leaves you different. You cannot be near them, or they you, without change:

Being a god is the quality of being able to be yourself to such an extent that your passions correspond with the forces of the universe, so that those who look upon you know this without hearing your name spoken. Some ancient poet said that the world is full of echoes and correspondences. Another wrote a long poem of an inferno, wherein each man suffered a torture which coincided in nature with those forces which had ruled his life.

Being a god is being able to recognize within one’s self these things that are important, and then to strike the single note that brings them into alignment with everything else that exists. Then, beyond morals or logic or esthetics, one is wind or fire, the sea, the mountains, rain, the sun or the stars, the flight of an arrow, the end of a day, the clasp of love. One rules through one’s ruling passions. 

Those who look upon gods then say, without even knowing their names, ‘He is Fire. She is Dance. He is Destruction. She is Love.’ So, to reply to your statement, they do not call themselves gods. Everyone else does, though, everyone who beholds them. - Lord of Light, Roger Zelazny

Even by their supposed absence, the god influences you. Drives you to ask a question of me, makes you ask for advice, because there is a gap, a space-between, a difference between what was and what is.

Now, I’m no oracle, no prophet. Just some bearded frothing madman on the internet. You might read this post, and disagree with everything I’m saying, every secret, subconscious implications that the hidden part of your consciousness picks up without you noticing. Not because I’m a crippled Gandalf, casting spells on those who read my words, but because that’s the way language works.

Because language works, for good or ill. It conceals and reveals, guides the mind - and if it’s worked well, perhaps the soul as well.

So you ask my advice, seek my view. You ask of a man who’s had his own counselling session today, whose counsellor wondered at certain events and how to interpret them. You ask me what I see, what I sense, from your question; where it meets my experience and what it conjures up to type, to post here.

And, if you’ve read this far, I’ll let you into a secret: I stepped aside long ago, and let the conjuring bring these words forth. This is coming from a place that is different to an ordinary consciousness. 

I’m no oracle, no prophet. Just a man with a mission of words, to answer every question I can. So, here’s the deal, laid out on the table, like blackjack. Just how much do want to remain as you are?

How much are you willing to protect the idea you have of the you-that-was? How much do you want safety? Because, let me tell you, it’s gone, Even if you’ve noticed some changes, I wonder how long it’s going to take you to notice the ones you’ve not noticed, until now?

I wonder, how long until you remember that everything is connected? How the difference between a blessing and a curse is merely a point of view? How distance and space are always filled with something - whether that something be something else, or your very own self?

Agree with this, or disagree because I don’t know you or your situation, because I’m just firing words at a page, and because things became richer and stranger than you supposed, maybe?

And also maybe, because it hurts, and you’re not sure what to do, or where to turn. Because what you thought you knew and trusted, is no longer so. Because I’m telling you what you already know - stimulating action and reaction. Each word, in each context, has meaning. Change the context, the meaning changes also. The cues, the triggers, connect to different memories, conjure different things.

I wonder what conjures you? What calls-you-forth in spite of yourself?

Because we can talk about summoning gods and spirits ‘til we’re blue in the face, but humans surely are not the exception. We too are spirits, wights amongst the vast thronging conclave of the Pandaemonic All.

One of Many, and so we might suppose that change is constant, and what we see as singular is in fact complex, multiple and interconnected.

Your situation is subject to multiple influences; your feelings, your reading of my words - how you interpret their flow, directed with a particular purpose by me - your background, your actions, inactions, and your relationship with your god.

As I’ve said, perceived absence exerts an influence, just like the spaces between and within the glyphs we call letters, which represent pieces of language, all put together with a particular aim.

An aim that loops and repeats, that comes again and again, like sea washing against stubborn stones, all roar and hiss and spray on the surface, all dark pulsing current below, infinite benthic patience. An ocean of time, composed of an obscene number of individual droplets, each moving into and out of each other.

Rocks erode, barriers dissolve.

Such are the actions of the gods.

As the Moon pulls the waters, so the salty tides ebb and flow and rise; water kisses skin as we swim, surrounded by the same. The lunar influence directs us, its gravity dictating, moving with the changes in temperature, Sun and Earth bringing conjoined influences to bear.

Are we not mostly water? Is our blood not salty as the sea?

And yet, do we not think ourselves free from such influences, with our lighted streets, our taps and faucets, our climate change and Prime Ministers and Presidents?

But still the gods cross into the sphere of our senses, interface with our bodies and minds, coil themselves in our blood, steal our breath and replace it with their own?

Still, the sheer madness of their existence in the 21st century, passed from tongue to text to television, brought forth from books and bodies. From the voices on the wind, the mounds of earth, the whispering leaves, the roar of traffic, the light-laden threads of fibre-optics, the sewer-swelling. From the cracks and the edges, from ancient statues held in climate controlled prisons-cum-museums.

(And lo, I do not recall typing prisons, but there it is. Statues of lion-headed goddesses, all properly open-mouthed. The falcon’s scream, all cold and seeking soaring thermals, full of cruel, sharp-taloned knowing.)       

You, who feel bereft? Who feel a hole within your heart? Take a breath, and hold it. Bear down upon that random passing divinity, all unspoken, all unknown. Feel it surge, the blood pound in your ears, and then, when you can no longer bear the weight, and then let go.

Take another.

Then another.

Again and again; so you breathe. so you live.

Influenced and influencer, deep behind the skin of your mind, down deep and deeper still, is that which you do not know. That which changes, alters itself on the unseen altars. Believe me or not, all this, going fore and back, is true. 

It is as true as your tongue, your teeth, your nails that grow and hair that pushes from skin and scalp.

By now, we’re lost, you and I, dear reader, in a labyrinth of words, as one without Ariadne. The unseen monster at the centre of the maze is a portal, a passage to divinity. It lives, it breathes, it shits, it drinks, it eats, it pisses.

It lives, just as you do. It has been at the centre of things since just after the Beginning, when Mother wove a cradle from the entrails of Father. Dwells in darkness, so it does, for all things have long since burnt out in competition with its starry shine.

It led Magi to Bethlehem, burning in the hollowed heavens, bringing offerings to a King amongst them, things that the Anointed would use to rise as premier Magus above all.

And there, standing at the crossroads, we find the sacred heart of All, blood flung in all directions - hallowing the world entire.

Signs and wonders, anon, portals and portents, things that happen, are happening. Symbols rise and fall, are seen and unseen, coming together with us when we are in the right time, place, and state of mind to receive these Strangers, these visiting dignitaries and potentates from Behind-and-Within-and-Through. 

 It is not about you.  You have have been touched, changing even now as I write, You are becoming. When the change arranges for you to receive, then and only then does the unknown become known, the familiar become strange.

You wanted advice, and this is it. Serve yourself, and realize that it was never was, what you think it was. And neither are you who you thought you were.

Stop thinking, and allow yourself to become.

Perhaps then, you might see things…

Differently. 

• from the future

nonnie requested: If you watch Supergirl and The Flash, would you mind doing an imagine where the reader is Supergirl and she and The Flash are a crime-fighting duo and are dating and know about each other’s secret identies, S.T.A.R. Labs doesn’t exist and Cisco, Caitlin, and Harrison Wells work with the DEO, and their daughter is a speedster from the future and she accidentally ran back in time while doing a training excerise with her team and the gang has to help her get back to her time?

A/N: I watch both even though I’m a bit behind on Supergirl quite a bit but caught up on The Flash. But Harrison is actually Harrison, Caitlin is nowhere near being Killer Frost and Julian isn’t part of Team Flash in this due to story purposes. Also Cisco doesn’t have his powers from being Vibe. D/N is your Daughter’s Name and she is called Impulse even though I know Bart (Barry’s grandson if you don’t know) is Impulse but I didn’t wanna use Kid Flash as her superhero name. But nevertheless I hope you enjoy this drabble as it was actually pretty fun to write and I apologize as I’m not fluent in the whole science of speed, I can only really do chemistry which deals with none of the speed force or anything. Ships are closed for the time being and requests are open unless stated otherwise by me!

 

Originally posted by theflashdaily

                        Relationship(s): Barry Allen/Supergirl! Reader


You smile as you plop down in your wheeling chair after getting out of your Supergirl costume after another job well done with The Flash or better known as Barry Allen, your boyfriend. Hey, sometimes being a hero can be pretty tiring as Barry came in the D.E.O shortly after you. “Another one for our amazing duo, Miss Supergirl a.k.a Y/N and Mister Flash a.k.a my man, Barry.” Cisco says as he fist bumps the brown haired male as you laugh while Harrison just rolled his eyes. The news played footage of you two saving civilians as Iris, your news reporter friend was telling the story while you went to get up again to get something to drink before feeling a gust of wind.

Thinking it was Barry since he always seemed to like to zoom around to steal a peck when nobody was watching as you turn with your eyes closed. “Barry if you just wanted something to drink or a kiss, you could just have told me.” You smile as you open your eyes before dropping the water bottle and smile fading. There was a girl with brown  undercut hair with goggles on her eyes that was wearing a uniform that was slightly close to Barry’s but with different colors and red lightning shapes across the sides of her uniform. She peels off of red tinted goggles as she had your E/C eyes but actually mostly looked like a mirror image of Bar’s freckles and smile painted on her face.

“Oh my crash! Wait. .mom!?” She cried out with widen eyes that almost looked like saucers with her mouth widen open. “Oh no, I ran into the past when I was training.” She says as her eyes look up behind you which was Barry as you turn over to him having the same reaction. “Dad!? Wait oops spoilers.” The young female clasped her mouth before you two brought the intruder to the other three who looked at the female. The so called intruder began to explain herself and introduce herself as D/N L/N-Allen, the actual daughter of you and Barry and called Impulse. As well as mentioning that she got Bar’s powers as oppose to yours while talking about her team and said that she worked with Cisco’s kid and Caitlin’s son before clasping her mouth shut about the whole spoilers.

While Caitlin and Cisco ran tests to be poisitve that D/N was actually your daughter, Barry pulled you to the side with a worried face. You could tell that the scarlet speedster was getting anxious since he met pushing his brown hair out of his face and rubbing his neck. But before you could speak, Bar spoke ahead of you. “Y/N have um, you really ever thought of having kids? Let alone with me? I mean we aren’t engaged yet and this- is happening. Heh, it feels weird that I’m going to be a dad in the possible future and hopefully still be together with you. .” He remarks as you two looked at each for a brief moment. Bar was not just a good boyfriend but he was also a good friend that stood by your side even risking his own life while you were under the effects of the red kyroptinate. And after that while you were getting treated, he came clean with how much he loved you, his best friend since you transferred in the seventh grade.

“I honestly never really thought of having kids but I did think of getting married one day for sure ever since I was little. But this all big news for me too Bar and honestly you seem like you’d be that kind of dorky dad.” You giggle as he shyly smiled as he pulled you close, “No matter what happens I will be so lucky to have someone like you in my life.” You say and press a small kiss on his lips before being interrupted by Harrison clearing his throat.

“Great apologizes Mr. Allen and Ms. L/N but I believe that the results are in and we have a small situation that requires both of your assistance.” The older man say as he wheels away on his wheelchair while a close look on you both. You look at Barry one more time and soon follow Harrison as Caitlin held the sheet of paper that you’d assume is the DNA test.

“Turns out D/N was not lying, she is in fact yours. From the future but there’s a small problem.” Caitlin says as she points at D/N whom doesn’t look good at the moment. “We need to get her back to where she belongs or else she will be nonexistent here and in the future. Which we have no idea what could cause so we need you two with D/N to create a possible force portal in hopes she can go back into her future.” Caitlin explains as you and Barry look at each other before nodding while going in separate ways to change into your uniforms so your ordinary clothes don’t burn off.

You may not be as fast as Barry like you couldn’t go into the speed force or anything but you could do something to help them out. As you walked over to D/N with your cape fluttering behind you, hugging her one more time while she hugged back. “So that’s what your old suit looks like. Trust me, Uncle Cisco makes you a way better one in the future. Same with dad’s.” She says with a slight giggle from seeing Barry in his scarlet suit as he rolls his eyes.

“Come on, let’s get you home. We and your team are worried about your absence, also no dating anyone.” Barry says while pointing at D/N as you three walk to the vortex to run, “You ready you two?” He asks as you and D/N nod.

Sliding her goggles on with a similar smile of her dad’s as she positioned in the middle so you both could push her into portal when it opened. “If you’re ready to eat my dust dad.” D/N says as her smile turned into a smirk as Cisco did an ‘ooh’ sound before being lightly smacked by Caitlin.

You heard a ‘go’ from Harrison before zipping with the other two, lagging behind a little but nodding to Bar when the portal opened. You took a breath in before you both put your hands behind D/N’s back and pushed her into it while it closed as soon she entered. You began to slow down with Barry and took a breath. “Well today was a very eventful day don’t you think?”

The burnet pulled off his cowl and nods, “Well it’s a story that we are bond to tell our grandkids eh, Y/N? Assuming you know, we get that far in our life.” He says as you nod before snapping your head at Cisco’s happy yelling for another job well done.

“It’s a deal Bartholomew.”


HEART OF THE MATTER

 A statement of intent by P . L . Winfield

“Everything potentially always, all is forgiven” - Petrichor

Something occurred to me today: our name has taken on a new meaning. As a child, I would tape the radio onto cassette, fanatically watch VHS tapes the adults left out, and play both ‘until the ribbon broke,’ cementing a life-long obsession with the marriage of sound and image. Our first record was a genuine attempt to capture the sense of wonder in first discovering that magic. An exercise in atmosphere, texture and nostalgia.

When left in the sun too long - when unpreserved and unattended to - cassette ribbon begins to unravel and warp, often trying to escape the safety of its own plastic housing. And in the months and years following our first release, and to a large extent whilst promoting it, I most certainly unraveled. Spilling, unspooled, my life eventually became unmanageable. The crippling anxiety that I had spent so many years masking had finally succumbed to the influence of its most tyrannical friends: Alcohol and Benzodiazepines.

To some degree, I think a large part of surviving the uncertain and chaotic experience that is the human one, is the ability to lie to oneself; pathologically and convincingly. At any cost. In bright white rooms before we walked onto stage, I would stand, gently trembling, tsunami approaching and whisper gently to myself:

“One. More. Drink. No. More. Fear.”

A drink before one stands, vulnerable, in front of a large room of people is, in isolation, a perfectly reasonable reaction to an understandable level of anxiety. In moderation. Just one. Early night. Early start.

But the difference for someone like me, is fundamental. To an alcoholic these words are impossible theory. A brick by brick instruction manual for the Wall of China. There is no moderation, only the promise of oblivion and for me, the temporary quieting of a loud, pervasive and almost constant voice of anxiety.

“Anxiety, I’m pulling down the blinds” - Black and White

Every day and night I tried to quieten that voice. Pushing it away, trying to starve it, bury it, drown it out. Every day it came back harder, louder, more and more vicious. I poured fuel on that particular fire until I couldn’t fight it anymore. In the end, I no longer knew if I was drinking because I was anxious, or anxious because I was drinking.

I couldn’t leave the house without drinking vodka straight from the bottle and worse, I had accepted it. I had lost the fundamental belief that anything of any worth was on the other side of the door. Congratulations! I had, knowingly, torn down every aspect of my life, spitefully, on purpose.

“No more courage in the bottle, I’ve got people I can’t let down” - Meru

In September of last year, I had reached the end of my rope. I could no longer hide from myself, or those still around me. I will be forever grateful to the two people who sat down with me one fateful afternoon and helped me devise my escape route from madness. The start of a journey that was to define my recovery and the very reason that there is even a body of work to speak of.

“The only way out is through” (Alcoholics Anonymous)

Far from the environment that had enabled my addiction, I began treatment, treatment that would change my life forever and help me to reconnect with another voice. A voice I had long forgotten. For three months, I worked. A daily routine of physical and spiritual practise, shedding old skin, changing old stories, reconnecting the dots. Finding a way back.

There are of course names for what we did, there are words for the practices rooted in various schools of thought and belief. Practices that have existed in both the East and the West for hundreds of years. But I find the language of such things needlessly flowery and over-complicated. In layman’s terms however, which have always sat better with me, I believe that any crisis of the soul is a detachment from your true self, the part of you that patiently sits behind all of the worry, all of the pain and discomfort and waits quietly for your return.

So that was our aim, that’s what we set off to find. Some peace of mind, the same peace of mind we all start life with, in my case, long buried under the old, dead weight of fear, shame, and clear, strong liquor.

“C’mon now kiddo, we’ll be alright” - Count the lightening

I had my daily practice, I had my mentor and I had the ocean. As I started, day by day, to feel better, I could feel a kind of shift creatively. I could feel something start to come into focus. Words, sounds, images. Gradually filling up the spaces in my mind, previously occupied by grey, a light was coming on. I set up a makeshift studio in my cabin and went to work filling the spaces on a record that I had previously thought was finished, with a sense of wonder and love for writing, that I had all but lost. But here it was, words and sounds, in my every grateful, waking thought.

It is worth mentioning at this juncture, that whilst in the midst of madness and my subsequent recovery, Elliot had been patiently waiting, wondering if his oldest friend and band member was ever coming back to some kind of normalcy, let alone to music. Never one to sit on his hands, my best mate, also navigating his own turbulence (his story to tell)  took it upon himself to learn how to produce and engineer, creating a studio of his own at home on the west side of LA, making loops, ideas and creating fundamental additions to a slowly, surely forming, completed album.

Once back together and with an incredible amount of renewed energy in making music and being a band again, we finished the record, creativity and friendship, two hugely underrated aspects of recovery, I think, from anything.

So here we are today. I find myself writing this with trepidation. I can feel that old knot in my gut forming and my heart rate start to quicken a little. Anxiety of course, is incurable. We need it to survive - it is after all only trying to protect us - but it’s not a perfect mechanism. Much like us.

It’s been 8 months, 243 days since I last had a drink. My life is, by design, more simple now. I go to A.A meetings, I cycle along the seafront, and I make things. I paint, I make music, take photographs and edit film. These are now the things that quiet that negative, critical voice in my head. It’s still there of course, chattering away, but crucially I now have distance from it. I know what it is now.

I think sobriety can mean many things to many people. In my mind, you can get sober from anything that is a negative force of energy in your life. It’s not about alcohol; that was just a symptom, a temporary and ultimately flawed solution. The only real way out for me, in the end, was to look long and hard in the mirror and pull it all apart.

Nothing is coincidental if you look hard enough. You just have to allow a little light in, accept a little serendipity. Be open to a power greater than yourself and submit control. These are the lessons I have learnt in the last few years. These are the simple practices that keep me open, honest and vulnerable. There is no solution to the pains of simply being. There is no quick fix, only radical acceptance, compassion and empathy of what really is: of who you really are.

And yes, cassette ribbon can unravel, but it can be saved (if you are old enough to remember) by lodging a pencil into the reel hole and winding the ribbon back. This, I believe, is why this collection of songs in particular - this record - is self-titled. It’s time to give something its name, to take responsibility for it, to hold up a sometimes trembling hand and say, “I’m Pete, I’m an alcoholic and I’m grateful to be alive, thank you for listening to my story, until we meet again, until the ribbon breaks”

huffingtonpost.com
Police Brutality Set Off The L.A. Riots 25 Years Ago. We've Learned Nothing Since.
The directors of "LA92" discuss the legacy of one of the most destructive riots in American history.

Go watch the video of Rodney King being beaten. Really watch it. You’ll see eight brutal minutes of an unarmed black man being kicked, clubbed, and tasered within an inch of his life by LAPD officers ― men sworn to protect and serve.

When the clandestinely shot video of King’s beating came out in 1991, it sent shockwaves throughout the entire country, sparking a conversation about racial bias and police brutality. The four police officers charged in the King beating were acquitted, and the city saw one of the most destructive riots in American history.

April 29th will mark the 25th anniversary of the LA riots, 25 years since a mirror was held up to the face of America and revealed a grotesque reflection. Anniversaries are about looking back. They are about legacy. But what is the legacy of the three days of carnage that ensued back then, sending much of Los Angeles into a deluge of violence, looting, and burning buildings?

In their new National Geographic documentary “LA92,” filmmakers T.J. Martin and Daniel Lindsay go in-depth to explore the legacy of the riots, forgoing the usual talking heads and experts and using only raw, unedited archival footage, leaving it up to the audience to make up their minds about the meaning of the riots.

There’s a moment in the documentary, one day into the deluge, where a Korean shop owner defiantly defends her store from a band of black and Latino looters.

“This is America!” She screams at the crowd. “This is America!”

The moment, is the film, and the riots themselves, in microcosm. In other words ― the riots were complicated, and messy. They weren’t just black-and-white. The underlying tensions weren’t just about the beating, but the racist justice system that allowed the cops to go free and, just a year earlier, Korean shop owner Soon Ja Du to go free in the senseless killing of Latasha Harlins.

I spoke with T.J. Martin and Dan Lindsay about what they learned about the riots in retelling this story on film ― and what America has yet to learn.

HuffPost: The film opens and closes with black-and-white footage from the Watts Riots on 1965, which juxtapose in such a stunning way with the LA Riots which took place decades later. There’s this sense of history repeating itself. Why do you think this keeps happening ― the beatings and killings of unarmed black folk, and the subsequent unrest?

Dan Lindsay: Our country has never reconciled the inherent contradictions of its founding. The people that wrote the document that said all men are created equal owned human beings. That’s just mind-blowing. As a country, we’ve never been able to reconcile that. And as long as we continue to have marginalized communities that don’t have a voice, as long as that happens, you shouldn’t be surprised if uprisings or unrest happen. It’s happened throughout all human history, throughout all of the world, from the same circumstances.

HP: The film is derived entirely from archival footage of news broadcasts, court videos, aerial footage and so on. What was the reasoning behind that, and what was the process like to organize all those hours of footage into a cohesive narrative?

T.J. Martin: We wanted to take a unique approach that would maybe inspire a unique perspective, and ultimately create a new way of thinking about these events. We didn’t want the the filter of an expert telling you what you think. It was less about deconstructing the anatomy of the events. It became much more immersive as an experience.

DL: We wanted to challenge the audience to begin thinking about these things, to have conversations, to ask the question: What do we need to do to make it so this never happens again? Because clearly we tend to have these cycles of things. We deal with it for a little bit, then everybody goes back to their lives.

HP: There are a lot of interesting moments with the media in this film, little vignettes where we see anchors right before going live, adjusting their hair and doing their makeup before launching into somber broadcasts. What do you think the role of the media was, and continues to be, in conversations about police brutality?

DL: That was a really intentional device because we had concerns that, not all of this, but a lot of this, was created by the media. The media was complicit in creating the events that led to this. We wanted to find a way to imply the idea and that was showing the getting ready. It indicates the facade of the media. It’s presentation. It’s business as usual. To us, that’s representative of America. We have this facade, this image we sell, that we don’t necessarily live up to.

HP: It’s been 25 years since the riots, and while we haven’t had anything as destructive as that happen again ― there’s a sense that it’s only a matter of time. What, to you, is the legacy of the riots?

T.J.:  I think what came out of it was for a short moment, an engaged conversation on race and class. But that same short engaged moment of conversation happened after 65 Watts. That same short engaged moment of conversation happened during the race riots in Detroit. These spurts operate as fads. It’s a symptom and also an extension of the problem. I don’t know about legacy. To me I just think of [the L.A. riots] as one chapter of an ongoing story.

HP: What’s stopping us from bringing this story to a close then?

T.J.: We haven’t figured out the tools of how to talk about this thing where it becomes a constructive conversation. The moment you bring up race and class, it becomes a debate. But it’s not about a debate. There are marginalized communities. This is real.

DL: But we’re trying to activate the audience’s own realization of these things, right? Near the end of the film, you see Bill Clinton watching Bush give his address after the riots, and you realize the riots were at least part of what made Clinton president. And then you think of today, when you hear phrases like “law and order,” the [fear-mongering], and then Trump becomes president. It’s our collective society’s reaction to things, these shifts.

HP: There are moments in this film that are difficult to watch ― the looting of businesses, especially Korean-American businesses. The beating of the white truck driver Reginald Denny. When we talk about riots and unrest, there’s always criticism about rioters destroying their own communities, or resorting to violence instead of peace. What would be your reaction to someone who saw this film and felt the black and Latino rioters weren’t justified in their acts?

T.J.: If anyone were to come with that type of argument, they are neglecting the visceral violence that happened to Rodney King. What we try to do, at the very least, is set context. King just happened to have a video. These atrocities, these abuses of power have been happening since the birth of the country. So by isolating members of a community (who were rightfully so angry) and dismissing 400 years of horrible treatment of one specific community…. that alone is an unfair analysis of the situation, period. We are not watching the same movie.

A Year Ago Today

Pic by Roxanne Garcia-Bell

Full disclosure, I kind of hate the Prince related “a year ago today” and “I was there” posts in regard to the events of the past year. I am not a mourner or a “sad about Prince passing” person…and even kind of roll my eyes at the sad face emoji reactions on every post with his face on it. For me I’d much rather celebrate his life and be happy that we got to experience his work.

So I was taken aback by all the emotion I felt on seeing the April 14th concert poster someone posted to Tumblr.

And the emotions I felt driving in to work today while listening to my customary mix of his songs…as I do EVERY morning to get pumped for the workday.

And the emotions I’m feeling now when realizing the annoyance about the mourning is a symptom of my own emotional repression…and how letting some of it through now is a lot…

So I’m writing it out to help defuse…

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Professor X - Part 1

It was my first year at the very new Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, a revolutionary new facility, even fancy and extraordinary for times like these, the swinging sixties.

I wasn´t a youngster anymore, I was already a young woman; but it seemed to me the right place to find people who were different like me and a place to learn to handle what I was able to do and to put it to good use for mankind.

For the first time I didn´t feel, as usual in my former life, like a complete outcast.

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Baekhyun’s EX’ACT Interview, « Lucky One » ver.

- Baekhyun -

Keywords: future, reaction, sunset

Q. If EXO was a film, what genre would it be? What genre of film would your own life be?

B. A documentary. All human emotions can be found by looking at our group. About my own life, I don’t know, I’d say a documentary as well. It holds all kinds of human emotions. To be honest, EXO and I are pretty much the same.

Q. What’s your favorite passage from this album’s lyrics?

B. “Hello angel, pretty as a picture / When I look up at the sky, all I see is you”. The melody and lyrics go so well together. It sounds like someone is really saying it, you know. I like it because it feels like actual speech.

Q. When is your favorite time of day, and what is your favorite place?

B. I like my own room the best, and I like the time between 11pm and 12am. That’s when I rest. I rest the best in my own room, and I don’t really like going outside.

Q. Which do you prefer, the familiar or the unfamiliar?

B. The familiar. What’s familiar can be reapplied and changed just the way I want it, because I’ve done it before. I can also feel comfortable and enjoy it. What’s unfamiliar isn’t something I can handle so freely. I think I can show more of what I have inside through what’s familiar.

Q. Can you tell us one thing you love because it’s been with you for a long time, and one thing you love because it’s new?

B. The members are something I love because we’ve been together for a long time. I can see how far I should go just by looking into their eyes. As for things that are better because they’re new, I like new choreography and new songs. It’s a lot of fun to learn new dance moves. I also love singing new songs. I like it when we get to prepare a new album.

Q. Something that brings back old memories for you?

B. Singers, definitely. Buzz, SG Wannabe, V.O.S, Monday Kiz. When I listen to songs by singers like them who’ve gone before me, I’m reminded of the past.

Q. What do you consider the most important, the past, the present, or the future?

B. The future. I always live with an image of the future in my mind. I need to have an image of the future in order to plan out the present to match it. If I think, I’ll be doing this or that at this or that age, then I make good on it. Life doesn’t always go as planned, but I have to do my best to make it work. If possible, I hope that all the goals I’ve set for myself can be achieved.

Q. Have you had an experience that widened your view of the world? If so, when was it?

B. My worldview is still quite narrow. I feel like it’s grown even narrower after debuting. It’s hard to move around freely outside, and I don’t know that much about the world. I learn things about this job that I’m in, but I don’t know anything except what’s in the life of a singer, a celebrity. When I meet fans from overseas, around the world, I go “wow, all these fans, who all look so different and who speak different languages, have all come to see us”. And that’s when my worldview grows a little wider.

Q. What do you consider the most valuable thing among the things you can see?

B. My family, the members, the fans who give so much love to me and EXO, and all the folks surrounding me.

Q. What do you consider to be the most remarkable man-made invention?

B. The telephone. Because we can share news immediately, even from far away. If we didn’t have phones, we wouldn’t have the Internet, either. I remember when we used to connect to the Internet through modems over the telephone line. I don’t think today’ s Internet could exist without cell phones, these machines that send and receive messages through electromagnetic waves. And without that, human civilization couldn’t have come this far.

Q. Is there something others consider insignificant, but is important to you?

B. Tact. If you have tact, you can be more witty, and things like that can make life a little bit easier.

Q. Are there any moments in life in which you feel perfect?

B. No. I always feel like I’m not perfect in one aspect or another. I often think, can I really pull this off? I’ve never lived with a day’s full plan in mind. I’m more spontaneous, and I do something on the spur of the moment if I want to do it. So I’ve never felt myself to be perfect.

Q. What one moment would you like to have in your life?

B. I’d love to be tall for once. 186cm. I think that’s the best height for a guy. It’s the best height for looking dependable. 186cm with good proportions! (Laughs.) If I ever get tall, I want to try taking out stuff from high shelves. And I want to look dependable. If you’re tall, you have bigger feet and bigger hands, right? I’d like to see that. To see how big my feet get.

Q. If you had a twin or a doppelgänger, what kind of person would you want it to be?

B. I’d want it to be just like me. I want to watch it. You know, I can only see myself in a mirror. So I’m really curious. I want to observe it all day. Then I’d be able to look back on myself, and also see what I need to fix.

Q. What constantly draws your curiosity?

B. Human vocal cords. I’ve always been interested in vocalization. It’s a really fascinating area. Just today, I felt that my vocalization was really not good. So I want to analyze it, but I don’t think it’s something that changes just by studying. It’s work that takes time and effort, so it always keeps my curiosity up.

Q. What do you think is worth waiting for?

B. For now, vacation. I’m waiting for some time to rest, and after that I’m waiting for our new album to come out. I’m looking forward very much to the fans’ reactions, the public’s reactions when it first comes out. And I have hopes that people will say it’s new and refreshing. I also have expectations that we will do better and better.

Q. When do you feel that a day is too short?

B. When I’m having fun. When I’m playing with friends, when I’m playing with the fans. A birthday party, a fanmeet, a concert, whichever it is, it’s all an occasion to have fun with fans.

Q. At what time of day do you think the sky is most beautiful?

B. In the summer, 7pm to 8pm. In the winter, 5pm to 6pm. When the sun is setting. I like the feeling that the moon and the sun are poised against each other. It sometimes looks like they’re fighting for territory. It gets dark high up in the sky, but it’s bright where the sun is still going down. I like the colors that appear then. It makes me feel at ease and helps me relax.

Q. Have you ever felt that you’re a bigger part of someone’s life than you’d realized? Or the other way around?

B. Our fans, and the general public who watch us. Without them, I don’t exist. It works the other way around as well.

Cost of Freedom (25/52)

Summary: In which Heiji has been found out, Kaito and Shinichi grab the files and Aoko and Ran return to the police station. Prison!AU

[Beginning]     [Previous Chapter]     [Next Chapter]

“What th’ hell is goin’ on?”

Heiji takes a step back, drops the hand carrying his phone to his side and lets out a strangled gasp, breath constricting as he glances over at the girl he has been in love with since he was a child. It feels almost like his heart is attempting to squeeze through the gaps of his ribcage, the valves constricting in a way that brings him nothing but pain.

“Kazuha,” he breathes, pressing his thumb against the touch screen of his phone, ending the call without glancing down at the screen.

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[ENG] Sechskies atstar1 Interview

You guys came back from Japan after the MV shooting. Did you get that ‘high quality’ that you all wanted?

JW: We’ll have to wait to see if it’s high quality, but the budget was definitely high (laughs). We monitored in between, and we all looked good. 

SH: We wanted a background with snow because of the song’s concept. We had almost no hope when we left because there was no forecast that said there’ll be snow. But when we started shooting, it started snowing a lot. We were lucky. 

JD: We stayed for 3 nights, but we worked so hard that we couldn’t even have a party afterwards. We had to hurry back and forth and film before the sunset.

You were selected as ‘Person of the Year’ for 2016 by <Atstar1>. This year must have been the most dramatic one in your lives. 

JW: We had the grateful opportunity of getting together through <Infinite Challenge>, and it has already been a year since then. 

JD: And it’s exactly today! The first time we discussed the reunion with the <Infinite Challenge> staffs at the Chinese restaurant was today’s date (11/2) a year ago. 

SH: It really was a lucky year. I feel like we’ve done a lot of activities, but thinking back, we really haven’t. Our physical strength is different from before for sure. Jaeduck-hyung became more haggard day by day during the MV shooting. 

JJ: I had dark circles before I got my makeup done today (laughs).

How is it to be with the members after 16 years? 

JW: I think personality wise, we’ve changed. I have become more talkative, and Jaejin (Jaijin) has become brighter. But the way we mess around each other is still the same. It’s still fun to mess around Jaeduck and Suwon. 

SW: I also have that ‘one-shot’ that I can attack Jiwon-hyung with. 

SH: I’ve become less talkative than before. When I was younger, I talked a lot partly because the company wanted me too, but now that I’m old I don’t really like talking. Now the fans tell me “Please talk”.

JD: I think I was the most energetic one back then. 

JW: Our team’s image was damaged because Jaeduck talked too much using satoori. 

SW: That’s why we couldn’t get as big as H.O.T. (laughs).

It’s your comeback in 16 years but all of you have those “frozen man” faces. 

JW: When we look at ourselves, we think we look pretty much the same as before, even though we do look less youthful. But I’m surprised that the public feels the same way. I think Suwon and Jaeduck look even better now. The J-walk days were just unbearable. 

JD: Sure, what’s important is that we get better over time (laughs). 

SH: I think now, we take care of ourselves more because we’re more considerate. We’re a group, and a member of a group shouldn’t be viewed as the odd one out. 

The song <Three Words> became a hit, as shown by its 1st place in Gaon’s October monthly chart.

JW: It’s still hard to grasp because we’re part of the CD/Album generation. I feel like if a song wins 1st place, you should be able to hear it everywhere in the streets. I couldn’t hear <Three Words> anywhere (laughs). To be honest, I worried a lot about not getting any attention. I worried that people would think we’re forgotten because <Infinite Challenge> is just a temporary bubble. If that happened, it would’ve been an automatic end, so it’s a relief that we had good results. 

SH: I was driving and got caught in traffic, and there was <Three Words> coming out of the car that was next to mine. It was a young man listening to it, and it made me really happy. I wanted to say thank you. 

SW: You shoudl’ve sung along if you had your window open (laughs).

JD: It made our next step even more important. I wish this kind of reaction will carry on. 

How would you spoil the new song coming out soon, using only three words? 

JD: Winter.

JW: YG style.

JJ: Oh this is hard. I’ll give it more thought and answer later. 

You are holding additional concerts in Daegu and Busan. 

JW: It wasn’t part of our initial plan, but we’re doing them because the Seoul concert turned out good. 

SW: I want there to be slightly different ways for this concert. When the audience can guess “The first song will definitely be <Com’ Back>”, it’s not fun. Oh, and Jaeduck-hyung is going to dress as a girl. 

JD: No! But I am thinking about what would make our fans happier. 

JW: We want to take individual opinions into consideration and put unexpected songs. You know, for those individual stages that you can perform only at the concert. Those that you can’t perform on a broadcast show, but can only perform in front of fans who like you. 

JJ: I’m going to sing a ballad song. i already have a song chosen in mind. 

How much chance do you have of working together with Sechskies’s ‘last dragon ball’, Ko Jiyong?

SH: We always have our doors open, but it’s a little hard considering Jiyong’s job.

JJ: Wouldn’t he be able to appear as a surprise guest for our 20th anniversary? To be honest, we can’t ask him directly, but we subtly hint at it through our fans. 

SW: But I think if we have him on stage once, I’ll miss him even more after that. I really like us being on stage all together, so much that I would be even more disappointed if he doesn’t come back. 

JW: I can’t ask Jiyong a favor anymore. If we were in the same place, I could’ve asked him, but he’s a kid with different things to lose. That means the best I can say is ‘I know your situation, but please just come’, but I’m afraid we’ll destroy everything that Jiyong has worked so hard to achieve for the past 16 years. We need to respect Jiyong’s life. 

Next year is Sechskies’s 20th Anniversary. Do you have a bucket list of things that you want to do with the members?

JW: To sell 200 thousand albums.

JD: What if we have to buy all those albums with our own money (laughs)?

JJ: To release the new album in 20 different versions.

JD: No, the design team would suffer too much.

SH: I think it’ll be fun to travel abroad together, apart from work. 

JJ: What do you mean travel! We gotta work hard for the  20th anniversary. Give me more work to do. 

SH: Then I think it’ll be cool for Jaejin-hyung to work on artwork that celebrates our 20th anniversary. 

JJ: I like it. If I can do something in terms of artwork, I’ll do it anytime!

I think you guys might have a plan for individual activities as well, for next year. 

SH: Not at all. Team comes first.

SW: We have to release Sechskies 5th album next year. And 6th album. 

JD: Personally, I’m thinking that we need to plan our 20th anniversary concert well. 

JJ: Shouldn’t we sing more of our old songs than we did at our last concert, since it’s the 20th anniversary? I think it shouldn’t end in just two hours (laughs). I’m preparing an art exhibition.

JW: I have some thoughts of international promotions. We disbanded shortly after debuting in Taiwan with the name ‘ 水晶男孩’ and planning on Japan promotions. If we have the opportunity, I want to meet more international fans before it’s too late. 

Let’s go around and give advice, since 2016 is ending soon.

JW: Jaeduck, gain some weight. I’m worried about him because his stomach problems won’t allow him to eat much so he is losing weight. 

JD: I’m trying. Don’t worry, I’ve gained 3kg already. I’ll give one to Sunghoon. I’m worried about your toe. Cheer up! It hurts my heart to see him feeling sorry to us when he himself is probably disappointed too. 

SH: I am really worried, so I’m trying not to move as much as possible before the concert. I’ll say this to all the members: Right now seems to be perfect, so let’s take care of ourselves a little more! We never know, anything can happen at any time. 

JJ: I’ll do one for the fans! While 2016 was focused more on talking about the past 16 years, next year will be the year that we will get to write our new story. We’ll work hard to exceed your expectations, so let’s have fun and spend a good year together. 

SW: Jiwon-hyung’s knee cartilage is in a really bad condition right now. If it gets worse, we won’t be able to do team activities, so I would like for him to not use his foot to “caress” us- use your hand instead (laughs).

JD: Now that I think about it, Jaejin’s wrist is also bad. I think we really are at that age where we have to care about our health.

SW: As our bucket list next year, let’s all get a health check-up. 

Ok, it’s time to give us the last hint about the new song. 

JW: (Ponders for a while) Five. 

Translated by: sechskies0415

GOT7 reaction to wearing their sweatshirt

Anon request: Is it ok if I request GOT7’s reaction to you wearing their sweatshirt and it being like a dress on you?

*Kinda got a bit suggestive… I’m sorry*

You certainly can! I hope this is okay for you! -Admin S

Mark

When Mark was trying to find something to wear for work he’d be confused on why there were more of his sweatshirts on your side of the bedroom than on his. Turning around to ask you, he’d see you slipping on one of said sweatshirts and would be rendered speechless because of how small and tiny you looked in his green oversized sweater. He’d feel the instant need to wrap you up in your duvet and protect you from the world because you just look too precious to face the world, but as this is Mark, he would end up sending a little loving teasing your way instead as he needed that sweatshirt today.

“As much as I love you looking like my own personal little leprechaun y/n, I need that sweatshirt.”

Originally posted by markjin

Jaebum

When Jaebum walked into your shared apartment after a long day at work, all he wanted was to cuddle with his girl on the couch. So seeing you curled up, wearing his sweatshirt pulled over your knees to keep your legs warm, melted his heart. He’d move closer and sit down beside you before gently lifting you to sit on his lap, before burying his face into your neck and whispering about how much he loved you gently into your skin. When he pulled away he would have his sweetest smile and heart eyes to the max.

“jagiya you are just too adorable, you’re making my cool and chic image break down”

Originally posted by defsouljb

Jackson

Seeing you walk out the shower in nothing but his sweatshirt would be very… delightful for Jackson. He’d be scrolling through his instagram replying to his fans comments when you opened the door and came out. He’d look over, and then do a double take to take in what you were wearing. Now we know Jackson was is hella possessive so seeing you wearing his sweatshirt and nobody else’s would make him feel very manly but he would also not be able to contain his little classic squeal because you just look too darn cute with your sweater paws and your wet hair. Then once he’d realised you were only wearing that sweatshirt, he’d pull his seductive face once more and get ready to repeat the night again

“You look adorable and sexy in my sweatshirt jagiya, but I think I preferred you as you were before you went in the shower”

Originally posted by b2utygot7

Jinyoung

When Jinyoung was away overseas on tour, you would wear his sweatshirts to bed because they made you feel comforted and they smelled just like him. So when he got home early from the tour, at 3am, he would silently enter the house and walk straight to the bedroom. He’d open the door and see you curled up on his side of the bed, in his biggest jumper and he would have to cover his mouth to stop from laughing at how cute you looked. He’d quickly undress, walk around to your side of the bed and lay down, being careful to not wake you as he wrapped his arms around your waist to bring you closer into his body.

“It’s okay jagiya, now I’m here you can cuddle me instead”

Originally posted by igot7-love

Youngjae

When you arrived home with takeout you quickly ran to your room to get changed into something more comfortable. Cursing your laziness, you grabbed the only thing that was clean - Youngjae’s most comfy sweater. Feeling slightly self conscious, you walked back into the living room where he’d already dished out the dinner and had the next episode of your drama ready to go. He glanced up at you and his smile shone as bright as the sunshine he is. He instantly reached up to grab your hand to tug you down beside him. Seeing you in his clothes made him feel a overwhelmingly sense of pride that you were his girlfriend because to him, you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen especially when you were in his clothes.

“You should wear my clothes more often y/n, but first give me a kiss”

Originally posted by markjin

Bambam

This pervy little boys mind would go straight to the gutter as soon as he saw you cooking dinner in his sweater and underwear. He’d sneak up behind you while you were stirring the kimchi jjigae, his hands teasing at the bottom of the shirt while he whispered in your ear. But when you were in your cooking mood, you didn’t want any interruptions so his little hints and suggestions were quickly swatted away along with bambam. He would then proceed to sit down at the table pouting but enjoying the view from where he was sitting instead

“Jagiya you look good in that sweatshirt, how about we see what you look like without it?”

Originally posted by je-taime-iloveu

Yugyeom

This overgrown baby would melt as soon as he saw you. When you walked into the practice room in his sweatshirt and a pair of shorts, he’d jump up and down at how adorable you looked (causing Jinyoung to once again judge him). He’d quickly run over to you, and wrap his arms around you pulling you into a tight hug before releasing you and turning around to see the boys staring at you two. Looking down he realised he’d pulled his (now yours) sweatshirt and he gently tucked it down, while pointing to it.

“Hey hyungs, you see this? This means she’s my girlfriend!”

Originally posted by got7virtues

*None of the gifs are our own, credit to original owners*

Any requests can be sent through the ask box and read the rules for guidelines  

A. Peter Bailey's response to the Assassination of Malcolm X, 1965

“The following is exactly what I wrote 48 years ago in response to the assassination of Brother Malcolm:

Bro. Malcolm X has been assassinated. Once again, as has happened many times in U.S. history, a black man who was considered a threat to the white racist system has been murdered by other black men. Nat Turner, Denmark Vesey, Marcus Garvey and countless other black leaders were all destroyed by blacks working in alliance with the white power structure. We have to assume it was an alliance because the FBI and local police force and the press have constantly bragged that they have infiltrated the Black Muslim movement, thus they know every move the Black Muslims make. It this be true, and they are the ones who made the claims, then they are either lying about the infiltration or they knew that Bro. Malcolm’s life was in danger and made no attempt to stop the plotters. It is the same situation with the Ku Klux Klan. The FBI constantly brag that they have infiltrated the Klan, yet the Klan has been able to continue its campaign of brutality, harassment and lynching against black people. Again the question is if the Klan is infiltrated how are they able to operate so successfully? The FBI and the police force have almost completely immobilized the Communist Party and successful infiltration; only recently they and the NYC police force were able to infiltrate a small group of black men and accuse them of plotting the bombing of certain monuments. Yet now they and the press want us to believe that an organization, which claimed had been infiltrated by agents, plotted a crime of gigantic magnitude without the infiltrator finding out about it. It is no doubt that if the Black Muslims had planned to bomb or assassinate Wagner or some other comparable figures, they would have been halted before any such plan could succeed. The press is having a field day. It’s all so simple, a feud between the Black Muslims and Bro. Malcolm. Everything is in a tight little package. There are many of us who believe that there are others who desired the death of Bro. Malcolm. For instance those people who had him banned from France, those same people who worried about the effects of his trips abroad, those same people who dreaded the consequences of his trips South. He had spoken in Alabama and was due to speak in Mississippi. These people also would benefit from the removal of Malcolm X. He didn’t fir their pattern. He didn’t waste time criticizing Wallace, Barnett, Clark, Bull Conner and other individual villains speaking for white supremacy. He recognized that these men were products of an evil system, a system which has, for over 350 years, treated non-white people as sub-humans. He recognized that the above individuals were able to operate so freely because the system allowed them to do so. He realized that the power of the racists in Washington is so strong that they can block enforcement of any Civil Rights law. They might not be able to block the law from passing, but they could lock enforcement and laws without the desire and determination for enforcement are meaningless. He knew that powerful racists in the federal government had veto power over the selection of judges and that as long as they held this power, laws are totally meaningless. You let me select the judges and I don’t care what kind of laws you pass. The current situation in Selma is a perfect example of this lack of enforcement.

The Civil Rights law passed in July 1964 was hailed by the press and others as The Supreme accomplishment. Now no more laws would be needed. Voting rights were guaranteed. Bro. Malcolm attacked this belief. He called the laws a fraud. Selma has proven him right. Hundreds of black people are being beaten and jailed for attempting, not to vote, but to register to vote. What is the response of the federal government? Strict enforcement of the recently passed law. No! The arresting of brutal local law officers. No! It’s the same tired call for more laws. 

Bro. Malcolm saw those things occurring and recognizing that the federal government was either unable or unwilling to protect the lives and property of black people, he called for a new approach. Domestically, he told black people to unite and adopt a program of self-defense: internationally, he called for black people to look elsewhere for allies in the struggle for human rights. He said that our struggle is only a part of the worldwide struggle where formerly oppressed people were throwing off oppression and asserting themselves. He told us to make use of the U.N., especially the Commission on Human Rights, as other minority groups have done, most notable the Russian Jews. He traveled throughout Africa, the Middle East and Europe telling any group who would listen that black people in the U.S. needed their help in their struggle for human rights. He felt that Afro-Americans have a psychological complex about being a minority and that if they tied their struggle to the struggles of oppressed people throughout the world, it would help them, psychologically, in their own struggle. 

These two approaches by Bro. Malcolm, the call for self-defense and the internationalizing of the racial struggle, profoundly disturbed the power structure and their allies. They first tried to brand him as a wild man advocating violence. I heard him speak publicly and privately many times and I never heard him tell black people to roam the streets indiscriminately shooting whites. He only called for self-defense, which is a basic element in all human society. His specific words were: “In those areas where the federal government is either unable or unwilling to protect the lives and property of black people, then black people should prepare to defend themselves.” Hardly a statement advocating violence. I would called it a reasonable statement. The Human Rights Struggle is already a violent movement; the violence all being committed by the white supremacists.

When Bro. Malcolm traveled abroad, they had their people watch him. They feared his eloquent and well-documented speeches to friendly audiences. Newspapers cooperated by completely blacking out reports of his travels abroad; newspaper columnists dropped hints about taking away his passport and by attempting to brand him a communist. They finally had him banned from speaking at a rally in France. He wasn’t even allowed by the French bureaucrats to contact the American embassy in Paris. He told us when he commented on the official that he didn’t know that France has become a satellite of the U.S., the man blushed and implied that the American embassy was involved in the ban. Incidentally, Bro. Malcolm said that the French Communist Party had refused to allow the rally to be held in their hall and had put pressure on other owners to deny their halls. All of these things make us feel that there are others who desire and would benefit from the removal of Bro. Malcolm.

Bro. Malcolm was a considerate man, the most considerate man I had ever known. The press gleefully took his words out of context and tried to paint him as a monster when reporting his death. They claimed credit for there even being a Malcolm X. They scoffed at him by saying that he had a handful of followers, and, as one said, he had built up a myth. They were practically dancing over his body. The New York Times and the New York Herald Tribune, those pious, hypocritical prostitutes of the daily press, gave Zeus-like editorials about what a terrible man he was, the Herald Tribune saying that he was no loss to the Civil Rights movement. It must be said that the press devoted a fantastic amount of space and time to the death of such an “Insignificant” man. Their very press coverage of his death and the reaction of the people and others leaders showed that the Human Rights Movement suffered a considerable loss with the assassination of this articulate, forceful black man. He even presented an image that white America is not used to seeing in black men. They resented and feared not only what he was doing, but even more so the potential of what he could do in the future. Bro. Malcolm pointed this out very clearly when he told an antagonist on a radio program that if people like him would spend more time helping and protecting Rev. Martin Luther King and his followers and less time searching for material with which to attack him and other nationalists, the U.S. would be a better place to live.

Bro. Malcolm was a considerate man, a man who was always courteous to the people who worked with him. On the day that he was assassinated I spoke with him. He called me to the room where he was waiting for the rally to begin. this man who the press tries to paint as a monster called me backstage because he wanted to apologize for having spoken sharply to me the previous Saturday. He really hadn’t but he thought that he had called me backstage to apologize. He said that he had just been slightly upset. This is only one example of many such considerate acts that he did for people who worked for him. We talked of several other things in that room. I was one of the last five people that he spoke to before being assassinated. He was not feeling well and he mentioned to me that “The way I feel today I shouldn’t even be speaking publicly.” The press has combined with the police to tell so many lies about that day. One paper said that whites were banned from the rally; a lie only the press was banned; another said that an ambulance came to get him; another lie, we had to send two brothers over to the hospital to get a stretcher, which they brought back to the ballroom and placed Bro. Malcolm upon it and rolled him through the streets to the hospital. The brothers also reported that doctors refused to come to the ballroom; Bro. Malcolm laid on that ballroom stage for over 20 minutes. They say the police rushed right into the hall; another lie. I was sitting in the rear of the hall watching the entrance for the speaker who was expected. After hearing four shots I ran into the main hall, looked up front, saw nothing but confusion. The place sounded like a battlefield. I then ducked back out with groups of people running towards me and ducked into the bathroom, as the side area to avoid the shots. Then immediately after the last shots I ran out of the bathroom and down the center of the totally wrecked hall to the stage. Jumping onto the stage I saw Bro. Malcolm lying on the stage floor with bullet holes all over his chest. I leaned over him and saw that his skin was already getting that deathly look. There were several people administering to him when I got to the stage. I went into the room where others were holding his wife. I told her that someone had gone for the doctor, not knowing whether this was true or not. I then jumped from the stage and started to the rear of the hall to see if a doctor was on the way. It was then, almost ¾ of the way down the hall that I saw the first two cops and those two were just walking through the hall as though they were on a Sunday stroll. This, despite the fact that people were still screaming, crying and the place looked like a battlefield. I can categorically say that the police did not immediately react to the assassination in a professional way. The press lied about that too. And now members of the press have asked the police how a place so thoroughly guarded as the Mosque could be burned down so effectively. The press reporting after Bro. Malcolm’s assassination had been so blatantly an attempt to encourage blood-letting and suspicion among militant black groups that very few people in the black community have been fooled.”

Taken from “Witnessing Brother Malcolm X: The Master Teacher: A Memoir” By A. Peter Bailey. (pgs 110-119)

The Girlfriend Ch. 1

Part 2 of “The Nanny” Series

Fandom: BIGBANG/ Choi Seung Hyun

Synopsis: 100 Days & a Surprise Trip

Warnings: The last 1/3 of this chapter is rated M (to be safe). I will separate it with a line of asterisk. So, if you do not want to read the rated content, stop at that line! It is not explicit, but it is still hot and heavy. You have been warned!

Author’s Note: Part two! *squee* Enjoy the fluff while it lasts, people… because the angst train will be pulling into the station very soon.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. This story contains fictional representations of real people. None of the events are true. This is from an American standpoint, so some of the situations may not happen the same way they might in Korea. I make no money from the writing of this fictional work. Any images used do not belong to me.

Series Masterlist


A mere three days after you had become an official couple, Seung Hyun was gone again. But he was able to make it home on Valentine’s Day to enjoy the chocolate truffles that you made him. And he was also there on White Day, gifting you with a rather large box of intricately crafted candies. You’d ended up sharing them with Yeon Jun just so you wouldn’t get a stomachache from eating them all.

Unfortunately for the both of you, the story was not the same for your 100 day anniversary. After having spent most of March with you, he’d had to leave once more just before April came around. You made sure that he packed his gift from you after gaining his promise that he wouldn’t open it until the video chat that the two of you had planned for the actual day.

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#151: He Realizes His Feelings For You

Luke:

Your heels clicked loudly along with yours and Luke’s giggles filling the whole street, the two of you fooling around with your arms hooked around each other. Your makeup was on point, he was wearing a nice new black dress shirt, you even wore heels for this event! But for nothing. “I can’t fucking believe that both our blind dates cancelled on us.” You giggled and held onto the brown plastic bag tightly in your arm, the whole bag filled to the top with candy from the small candy store down the street. Luke nodded his head agreeing and ran a hand through his well quiffed hair – for once in weeks he had decided to actually do something decent about his hair. “It’s because we don’t do dates. It’s because the world has decided that we don’t have any soulmates and will end on a farm with 20 cats and Michael sleeping on the couch in the garage.” Luke clapped his hands together in amusement by your words, totally imagining the image you created. It was because of Michael and Calum the two of you when on blind dates, something that was supposed to be a double date to save you from being with some creep and saving Luke from the awkwardness of being alone with a stranger. But the second the both of you arrived after using a huge amount of time making yourself ready, you sat by the table alone. You gave it at least 15 minutes until you guys had drank your free served water and ate the garlic bread from the basket. You looked at each other awkwardly but ended up in fists of giggles and it only continued from that, all the way to the candy store to buy at least 1 kilogram candy for a movie night instead. Luke was the one deciding to drink one red bull, and with you taking sips from it the two of you were buzzed on energy, hype on sugar and on your way home to his apartment. “What did you imagine your blind date look like?” You asked casually and looked up at the dark sky, the stars beautifully creating small patterns that you couldn’t point out what was what besides the little dipper. “I don’t know. About your height, same length as you and the memorizing eye color of yours.” He looked down at you with a teasing smile playing on his lips. You rolled your eyes in response and smacked the bag of candy against his arm harshly. “No you didn’t imagine that.” You argued in a mumble and looked up at him with a smile. Luke had always been the flirting person, always making you crack up laughing by his lame offensive way of trying to hit on you. When you came to his apartment you walked up the few stairs to his porch and he searched around for his keys. “Imagine if we hadn’t been bailed on and we would eventually split up, I would go to his house and you would go to your own. How would you finish this date?” Luke smirked down at you by your question and waited with opening the door. “I wouldn’t invite her in because I’m not that sort of guy. But I would walk closer to her, place my hand on her cheek and look deeply into his eyes. “ He did as he explained, moved forward until you guys were centimeters away from each other. “And then I would gently kiss her on the cheek, telling her that I was having a really great time and we should meet up again.” He smiled gently by the reaction you got from his words, “And then the second I would walk into my apartment I would smile all over my face and hurry to text her the second I would close my door.” You grinned up at him by his words and winked your eyes rather impressed by his imagination. “I don’t think any girl could reject that.” You giggled and fished his keys out of his hands, opening the door and wanting to get out of these killer heels. “You coming?” You asked confused and looked over your shoulder to see him standing frozen in his spot. He nodded his head but didn’t move, only made a shyly smile appear on his lips while he looked at you. This wasn’t anything he had planned doing with anyone before. It was spontaneously coming out of his mouth as he stood in front of you, and his stomach erupted with butterflies, something he hadn’t experienced before. He looked down at his feet and up at you again, and he couldn’t prevent the huge smile appearing on his lips by the sight of you. He was both happy but also scared of the fact that he had fallen in love with his best friend.

Calum:

Calum pulled the hoodie of his black sweatshirt over his hair, taking a last look in the mirror before he rushed to the front door and opened it the second his hand touched the handle. Even in the darkest nights of the burning Sydney lights from the views behind, it couldn’t compare to the bright smile you served the second your eyes locked with his. “Are the other boys sleeping?” You whispered and looked behind him to see all lights being off, and in reply he lifted his finger in front of his lips and silenced you. You nodded your head understanding and grinned, your eyes showing clear overtiredness but you were buzzing on energy. Recently the last couple of days you and Calum had started this new trend. With him having to suffer with jetlag all the time and you suffering with insomnia it was difficult for the both of you to sleep at night. You remembered clearly the first night you called him, the clock striking three am and he was online on twitter. You didn’t hesitate to ask him out for a comfy night walk and since that day the two of you would do it, occasionally when you were so tired of staring up at your dark black ceiling. “Are you wearing our old merch?” Calum asked almost confused as he took in your attire, the small hint of an old tally printed on your chest and you looked down at it almost like you had forgotten. “Yeah it’s an old one I found.” You giggled quietly and watched as he walked out and remembered to lock the door. “It’s from one of your old Koko shows in London. I was cleaning out my closet today out of boredom and found it deep inside.” You placed your hands in your pockets and backed towards the stairs, grinning when Calum widened his eyes by the memory. “I barely remember that. So many years ago.” He mumbled the last part and placed his keys in his own hoodie before following you down the porch and into the darkness. There wasn’t any direction to where you guys were going. It was all about enjoying each other’s company while talking nonsense. You guys could talk about everything and anything without a limit. You never knew where you guys would end because of the intense talkings. They could be serious, but also something so fucked up the two of you would crack up laughing by your ridiculousness. You hadn’t even noticed when you guys came to the beach, the waves crashing ashore by the strong wind by the ocean. At least the wind wasn’t cold but you still wore your hoodies over your heads to prevent your ears from getting cold from the nightly weather. The moon was reflecting in the water and the second you took off your shoes a sigh of bliss escaped your lips. “We don’t visit the beach enough.” You commented when you came down to the water and took in the horizon and silence. It was lovely. “Yeah I totally agree. It’s hard finding time with my schedule though.” Calum mumbled from beside you and checked his phone to see the time striking past 3am. “At least you always somehow find time for me in the early mornings of weekly days.” You looked up at him with a smirk and he cracked a smile by your words and nodded his head agreeing. “A bit depressing though, right?” He grinned and wrapped an arm around your shoulder. “I can only find time to hang out with my best friend when I don’t have anything important to do with lack of sleep.” “I like it.” You replied back and stopped to look out at the ocean, enjoying the sounds of the waves. He carefully removed his arm from your shoulder to look as well but as he did, he accidently glided it down to your hand, and a small boots ran through his veins and his stomach filled with butterflies. He quickly removed his hand and looked at you with wide eyes, but you didn’t seem to mind, you barely looked like someone who noticed. He hurried to place his hand in his pocket and he felt an odd feeling going through his veins. He hadn’t been feeling like this before but the touch of your hand was enough for him to sudden realize the satiation he was in. You looked up at him with a smile after some silence and he weakly smiled back before biting his lip and took your whole form in. No, that couldn’t be it. He had always feared this thing would happen but that wasn’t just a simple touch to him. Did he finally realize that he did have feelings for you and now had to deal with this whole other perspective every time he was looking at you.

Michael:

It was a girly scream that made Michael’s eyes open wide, the blackness of the room overwhelming him and he sat up confused. A blanket was draped over his body and he took a second to realize what was going on, where he was and how the hell the day had turned from daytime to night. His mouth formed the letter ‘o’ when he realized the fact that he had been taking a nap earlier, feeling ill and wanted to block it out by sleeping. You must have been the one to wrap him in a blanket while sleeping and on purpose decided not to wake up him up to make sure he would get enough sleep to feel better. And it worked, Michael was feeling amazingly fine now, just a bit off from the nap, his voice a bit raspy and he took a look at the time on his phone. It was past midnight now, and he expected everyone to be asleep now but his mind changed when the he heard the cause of his sudden awaken. Another high pitched came from behind the door, and he removed himself from the bed and walked out of the hallway confused. The faint sound of a bass drum was clear from the living room along with giggles and whines, and he furrowed his eyebrows confused and headed towards the noises. When he walked into the living room he was met by the large TV being replaced with a huge wide screen and a projector, meanwhile you sat with the boys at the couches. It took Michael a second to recognize the game on the screen, and his eyes widened as he saw you sit with the mouse, almost crying out in your pillow and not even looking at the screen while Luke was controlling the keyboard. “No, no, no no no, why the hell are you guys forcing her to play this?!” Michael screeched and hurried towards the couch to take a seat, moving you away from the mouse and pressed you into his chest. “Last time I played this with her she was having nightmares for a whole week!” The boys laughed in reaction to Michael’s sudden exclaim arrival, and Calum grabbed the mouse from the coffee table to control the vision on the screen. “She said she wanted too!” Ashton laughed from the couch and clapped his hands together in amusement. “No I didn’t you guys said we were gonna play a fun game!” You mumbled from Michael’s chest, occasionally looking at the screen but regretting by the fear of getting jump scared. You had no idea how they had convinced you, you had been totally naïve until slender was plastered on the screen and there was no backing down. So far you had been playing for five minutes and the at least ten jump scares had made you jump up from the chair, the boys laughing their asses off in amusement. They knew you hated this but took it for granted. “How many pages do you have?” Michael asked interested and furrowed his eyebrows while looking at the screen. “Only two, we could have collected much more if Y/N wasn’t such a chicken and didn’t want to go through the tunnel.” Luke responded and bit his lip while concentrating on the screen. You scoffed into Michael’s chest by Luke’s words, even though he was totally right about his sayings. Hell no you didn’t dare to go into that tunnel, you didn’t want to go anywhere in that game. You moved your face away to look at the screen but regretted it the second Calum moved the mouse around, slender man literally standing meters away from the narrator. A jolt ran through your body by the dramatic jump scare and music, and you wrapped your arms tighter around Michael and buried your face into his chest. “How can you not be scared of this?” You murmured and looked up at him shortly, watching as he remained his focus on the TV screen, his jaw hanging. “I Am Y/N. So scared.” He whispered back and leaned his face against yours. But not scared of the slender game in front of the two of you. He was scared, scared of the fact that having you this close to him made him feel so amazingly happy. Scared that you were so attached to him, but not in the way he saw you. It was like a small moment of reality hit him, by the fact that he wanted this to be more. He wanted to be your boyfriend, holding you close when you were scared and promise to do everything in his power to always keep you safe. But it wasn’t until this exact moment that all these scenarios flashed before his eyes while he held onto you for dear life, waiting for the game to be over.

Ashton:

”Okay Y/N, where are they?” Ashton asked into his microphone, his eyes scanning the area. He grabbed the microphone from its stand and stood up from his drum kit, took a look around the arena and furrowed his eyebrows. This was gonna be a hard task for him. ”I know that you’re hiding somewhere in here Y/N, and I’ve already outsmarted you. I can see the top of your hair from the chair over there.” Even though Ashton had no certain idea of where the hell you were at the arena, he wanted to trick you, see if you jumped onto his words and would peek your head up from one of the chairs – but you didn’t. A silent chuckle came from your lips and you leaned your body further against one of the many many chairs that were in the arena, a teasing smirk playing on your lips. You were holding his drum sticks close to your chest, your heart pounding in nervousness of being caught. You wanted to tease Ash, and the first thought was to steal his drums. Earlier you had begged him to entertain you, do something funny while waiting for him to do soundcheck. But now, after at least thirty rejections from him there was only one solution to make, and that was to steal the most important thing he would have to use during soundcheck. Ashton jumped down from the stage and started to walk against the steps, looked up towards the balconies and terraces with furrowed eyebrows. This was gonna be a hard to investigate. “At least make a sound or something?” He giggled and silenced himself to observe every sign of noise in the arena. If you wanted to play hide and seek in an empty arena, he was up for it. You pressed tour hands together around your mouth and did your best to make the most silent noise of an owl as possible, your voice echoing in the arena and you sneaked your eyes over the chair to watch his reaction. His back was facing you, but by the sudden sound he turned around 180 degrees with a smirk playing on his face. Your eyes widened of the realization of Ashton noticing you, and you rushed up from hiding in behind seats and ran down past the rows. Ashton sprinted towards tour direction, jumped between seats and your giggles filling up in the while arena. You wouldn’t dare to look back, knowing that if you did it would slow you down and Ashton would catch you easily. ”This is what you get for ignoring me all day.” You yelled between giggles, trying to catch your breath and not slow down on the running. But you needed to just get a glimpse of how close he was, and it was enough for you to let out a squeal as Ashton reached his arms forward and stopped you from running. He was laughing just as heavily as you, spun you around in the air and you both calmed down your heavy breaths. “That hide and seek didn’t last for that long, huh?” He grinned and let go of you when you elbowed him lightly in the stomach and took a few steps away from him. You hid the drumsticks behind your back and giggled even louder when Ashton reached his hand forward, moved his fingers inviting for you to give back the sticks but you shook your head. “Come on, Y/N. I promise we will spend time after the soundcheck. You’ll decide what we do.” Hea promised and you bit your lip and your eyes finally giving in. After placing the drumsticks in his hand you swung your hair over your shoulder and sprinted down between the rows. Ashton cracked a smile by your immature but yet amusing personality, watching as you disappeared into the backstage area. Butterflies erupted in his stomach when he took a look down at the drumsticks. His eyebrows furrowed and he bit his lip and looked back at the dressing rooms. This was something he had been feeling for a while, smiling much more when he was near you and being happy. But it wasn’t until now that he realized that there was much more to it than he expected and he was somehow scared of what was going to happen. Having you with him on tour seemed to increase what he never predicted to feel in his life, and even if he tried to avoid it, he now realized what he was feeling from you just by your small teasing act. Seeing you were like coming home to a place he didn’t realize he had been missing.

BIGBANG’s Interview with July

          Early morning, there was a long line of traffic leaving Seoul. It was May 1st, a Friday before the long weekend. It was also the release day of Big Bang’s new single. Their comeback took as many as 1,157 days. The reaction was enthusiastic. ‘LOSER’ and ‘BAE BAE’ made it to the trending search words and the first place on music charts within seconds. The world was uproarious with stories of Big Bang. At that time, Big Bang was having a free but busy morning in the middle of a barley field in Ansung, Gyeonggido. A tractor-carriage carrying tourists passed by every 15 minutes, but no one had ever imagined Big Bang being here. Colourful clothes were hanging on the hanger leaning against a tree, and staff members and the cars that the members were riding in formed some kind of a fort. The sky was blue as ever. In an old storage building that used to be a drama film set, models that got their makeup done since 7 in the morning were rubbing their sleepy eyes and looking in the mirror. From the speakers, Big Bang’s new songs were playing repeatedly. The five members of Big Bang were stretching.


          “Which song was good?” The first one to bring a chair over and ask the question was Taeyang. It’s been a year since I have seen him after his solo album activities. He was tanner and more muscular than before. “Yesterday I stayed at the office until midnight editing the music video. Then I emptied by mind and watched for people’s reactions.” Since they hadn’t been on broadcasts or doing any kind of interview yet, Taeyang was curious as to how the new songs appealed to the public. It wasn’t an anxiety about how the market would evaluate their songs, it was 100% curiosity. To be honest, the two songs were shockingly good. If the era of Big Bang could be divided into two, pre-‘Lies’ and post-‘Lies’ periods, I felt like the new album would also become another turning point for Big Bang. This was Big Bang’s music… It’s not easy to find musicians that can create the type of music only they can make, and it’s even harder to gain popularity with such music. Other than Big Bang, who would ever be able to talk about sticky rice cakes and martial compatibility in such a classy way?


          “Isn’t it fun? The lyrics are enjoyable too. The lyrics weren’t ‘sticky rice cake’ at first, it was ‘call the police’. At first we just had the flow and we were discussing what the lyrics should be, and suddenly ‘sticky rice cake’ came up, and I really like it. We were going to use sticky rice cakes and buckwheat jelly together…but we thought that would be too much.” The background stories of how the music came to be is always interesting. But what I wanted to find out about the most was Taeyang’s long hair in ‘BAE BAE’ music video! Seeing shirtless Taeyang with long straight hair riding a horse was very shocking. “That was my idea. I wanted to be sexual but funny at the same time rather than being cool. So I overdid it, and even the staff in our office had clear likes and dislikes to the scene. So yeah, it turned out like that.” I was thinking, what would it be like if today’s photoshoot included a scene of Taeyang riding a horse? Let’s say if he learned how to horse-ride. “Not at all. Once I climbed on a horse without practice and I was almost crushed to death. Although it was fine because it was a well-trained horse.”


          In the music video, TOP with a cat-eye contact lense on one eye, appears with Kohei Nawa’s crystal deer. Just like how he appeared with Kim Hwan Ki’s ‘deer’ in his previous solo track <Doom Dada>, he again brought forth a modern artwork to the image of Big Bang. TOP is not only a quite well-known furniture collector but also a known art lover. “Kohei Nawa and I are friends. I appear in the MV without one eye, and in the lyrics I say ‘pretty eyes like a deer’, which is an old expression. Since it’s like falling in love when I meet a girl that has something that I don’t have, I naturally came up with this. Also, I rap about natural beauties, and the artwork is a ‘natural’ taxidermied deer.” How they can put a lot of effort into each music video? That’s because their release is a special long-term project. CEO Yang Hyun Suk had said that instead of releasing a formal album right away, Big Bang will be releasing 4 single albums (M, A, D, E) with 2 songs each on the first day of every month from May to August. In September, the word ‘Made’ will be completed and the full album will be released.


          The songs have been already made. But the list hasn’t been confirmed yet. If they make a better song in between, the list may be added or changed. It’s still a secret whether there will be more songs in the final album.  “I can’t tell you. We need to look cool too, right?” The only thing they can add to what’s already been said is that they can’t restrict the genre of their music, and also that all songs have been made recently. Of course GD started preparing the new album ever since the actives of <Still Alive> have ended, but it was early this year when Big Bang got together and good songs were starting to be made. Things just worked out naturally when they were laughing and having fun. They dumped the old songs with no regrets. “That was when we had the most fun. Around March and April when we were done recording, we decided to listen to all the songs one day. We had wine and cheese in the studio and we danced and had fun with the music. It was a lot of fun.” I can imagine that it would have been like the music video of ‘We Like 2 Party’.


          The photoshoot was no different. Taeyang said that Daesung in his beret looks like a bus guide lady and shouted “Ohri~”. Daesung started shaking his body and danced in response. It has been a while since Daesung, who usually doesn’t leave his house unless he’s working, has been out to the field like this. At their concert at the Olympics Stadium before the release of the album, Seungri even commented about Daesung “He doesn’t do anything other than playing the drums at home. Please come out of the house”. “It’s somewhat true. I don’t enjoy going out. I wanted to learn how to play the drums ever since I was young, so I started learning it after my first solo album tour in Japan. It’s been around 2 years. It’s a lot of fun.” And the reaction of the members after watching him play? “Do you know the movie <Whiplash>? It’s like that.” This crazy and comical drummer basically doesn’t give a damn about anything. For the filming of music video of ‘LOSER’, Daesung changed his hairstyle to create an image of loneliness. “When I covered my eyes and changed my image, I became cautious and quiet. To be honest, I can’t see very well.” Daesung learned how to communicate without his eyes. “So I’m studying how to act with my lower face”


          Daesung has been busy with his solo activities in Japan for a while. The hyungs commented on Daesung’s popularity: “In Japan, Daesung is the most popular after the emperor.* Whenever we’re on stage for a Japan tour, we lose our nerves because of the cheers for Daesung.” They jokingly bragged about Daesung’s popularity. Daesung didn’t know how to react to their compliments. “Ayoo, what are you talking about. The reason why I can do my solo activities is because of Big Bang, and that tells us how Big Bang’s popularity got bigger in Japan.” The last day of the concert in April was Daesung’s birthday. Under Seungri’s lead, a cake was brought up to the stage and hundreds of fans and the members congratulated his birthday. After the concert, they was an after-party. “I had a lot of fun. Some people were worried that I was working on my birthday, but it was the most special birthday I’ve ever had. If I didn’t have that, I would have just stayed home and order a lot of delivery food, and that would have been it.” I was curious as to what he got for his birthday from the members. “Nothing. We just decided one day not to exchange gifts. Just like that.” The reason is pretty great. As Big Bang’s popularity grew, their income grew along with that, and if they start choosing suitable gifts for each other, one day they’ll have to buy houses for each other. So this is what a life of a superstar is like.

          The members think that the biggest superstar amongst Big Bang is Seungri, of course. “He’s like a celebrity the most amongst us. I envy him.” Even when travelling, this young elegant gentleman has a different way of doing things. Because he has world-wide personal connections, private planes are involved. He even has a friend that owns a club/team. “My friend has an elevator in his house!” Seungri, chewing on a cheap kimbab, proudly added. Members tease but adore this innocent maknae. Honestly speaking, Seungri had a lot of thoughts while preparing for this album. He was dispirited from different incidents too. “I felt like I was losing my judgment. So rather than taking up my opinions, I listened to what the members or other producers said. In the end, I’m happy that the album is out.” Seungri was assigned the most important parts of the shoot. For example, he roughly drove a vintage pickup truck at 30km/h. He also put his arms around a model and acted out a romantic scene. Seungri, who had a guitar on him, strum the strings and started singing Lee Jang Hee’s song from the 60’s. “I have something to tell you~. Tonight I suddenly have something to tell you.” Then he asked model Lee Ho Jung, whom he first met today, in a gentle voice. “Do you by any chance know how to play a C minor?”


          The photoshoot continued until sunset. With the clear moon, a helicam was flying in the sky. Members, who have never seen a helicam this close, were amused by it like little kids. “We have a lot of fun just by being together. We’ve known each other since our trainee days, when we were in our 10’s. We know everything about each other. When I go out, I don’t have any friends. That’s because I don’t have a lot of common experiences to talk about with others. But when the five of us get together, we chat and we laugh. That’s what powers me up the most.” Taeyang said. Next year, it will be Big Bang’s 10th anniversary. The finale of ‘Made World Tour’ that will continue to 2016 will probably be their 10th-year commemorative concert. Big Bang has already overcome the limits of an idol group from YG Entertainment. Boys in their 10’s who used to sing ‘Dirty Cash’ without even understanding the meaning have surpassed a stage of creating their own, classy songs and became an icon of an era. Of course the process was not always as good as playing with water in the summer. We can see that just by looking at the lyrics of the song ‘LOSER’. GD said this: “Everyone has their own problems. We do too, because we’re humans. Seeing us from TV, people may think that after performing at a concert in front of a lot of people, we go out to parties, drink and hang out with girls, but that’s not true. When we’re done our work, we go home, watch a movie, sleep, and that’s it. There’s a sense of emptiness that we get from this.” What kept them going was each other.


          Whenever Big Bang released a new album, it was always beyond our expectations. What would it be like after 10 years? “If there’s no excitement, there’s no reason for us to continue.” TOP was determined. GD added that other members agree with TOP. “From a third-person point of view, if our appearance on stage is not good, then we don’t do it. If we’re not cool and not confident, what can we show you? Trying too hard to look cool, I hate that so much.” So this means when Big Bang is no longer like Big Bang anymore. “But right now, this is really fun. I felt it again with our activities with the current album. As time passes, we start to find out more about ourselves, what we can do to become better, that’s how it’s been for us until now. I want to keep it this way for 10, 20 years from now,” Taeyang said. Just like the name ‘Made’, Big Bang is still in the process of making themselves with the completion of the new songs. Even when it got dark outside, members sat down in a deserted house and continued to talk about their music and their future. After their manager nagged them a couple times, they finally got up. Before getting in the car, I told them “You guys are cool”. Instead of a goodbye, they said, “We think we’re cool too! We still have that ‘hungry spirit’ inside us.”

*emperor: seems like they were referring to the four famous Korean actors in Japan.