Truth time, and I’m also heavily addled by meds so forgive me if I’m sloppy tonight. 

Sometimes I get so discouraged about what I’m writing. Praise and accolades aside, I sit and stare at my work with empty eye and a sad heart. How many tales of BatB are there in existence? How many retellings; how many twists and turns. I know that no plot is original anymore. It’s all been done by better people than myself, but there are moments like the one I’m having right now where I second guess everything I’m doing. This is natural. I know this. All authors do it, but it doesn’t make it any less disheartening.

I see remake after remake of my story popping up. I see better adaptations. I see better story. I’m not arrogant enough to ever believe that there aren’t bigger and better writers than myself out there, but is Stag really that special in the grand scheme of things? Is it worthy?

Some will say yes and others no. I’m honestly not looking for opinion here because this is a perfect opportunity for someone to strike while my guard is down. Isn’t that funny? I always walk around with my guard up anticipating that singular moment when I’ll have to block an attack from a foe waiting in the wings to sucker punch me. Fuck, it’s happened before. But that’s beside the point.

Really, there is no point to this. I’m just rambling and baring the teeth of my paranoia. Will Stag eventually go somewhere? I’m going to push my fucking hardest to get it published and stocked on bookstore shelves. I’m going to follow my dream even if I’m laughed at the entire way there. Just one foot in front of the other. One breath at a time. 

IMPORTANT things that happened today during the greenwich village pride rally.

  • I got anxiety, had two smokes to calm myself but burned myself with the second one.
  • I saw my beautiful beautiful gay brothers & sisters & wanted to kiss all my brothers
  • The streets smelled like smoke & gay sex. My home ♡♡♡

anonymous asked:

Hi LadyKay, so I would love some advice from you. My professor, he's 36, asked me out. At the time I told him I was too busy. He is the best friend of my dissertation adviser and works in the same department (which I might start working at after med school) Also, I thought he was engaged at the time but turns out, his fiancée left him. He's on leave for the next 3 months, but after that he'll be back. I'm really attracted to him (something about smart guys), so I'm wondering if I should do this?

I will NEVER tell someone who they can and cannot date, who they can and cannot love. Because it’s none of my business. 

I believe in two and only two criteria for relationships.

1) Consenting 

2) Adults. 

First, number 1) Do both parties consent to the relationship? Are both parties willing? Not being manipulated by a power dynamic? Do both parties WANT the relationship? Are both parties getting what they want out of the relationship?We’ll come back to this. 

2) Adults. This is pretty explanatory. Children can have relationships with other children (Come on, everyone and their high school significant others were pretty dang cute–lots of hand holding and promising to be together forever… didn’t exactly work out). But adults should only have relationships with other adults. Seriously. 

Why?? Because this goes back to number 1: if one person in a relationship is an adult and the other person is a child there’s a serious power dynamic nullifying the ability to consent!  

Now, I have no idea what your relationship is to this man. 

If you are currently a student of this professor I think it’s probably inappropriate to date. Why? See #1. There’s a power dynamic involved. He controls your grades, he is in a position of authority over you. If you’re not on equal footing you can’t have the needed consent for a relationship without manipulation. 

If he’s just an adult human being who works in a department you happen to be a part of, but has not been and will not be in charge of your grading, it might be something you can pursue. 

Obviously, different rules exist in different institutions about relationships between members of those institutions (check before pursuing). 

But I can’t tell you if this (or any) relationship is right for you. 

But if you ever feel manipulated in a relationship, ever feel you don’t have the ability to say no, or ever feel as though someone else has power over you–that’s a relationship without real consent and a relationship you NEED to get out of. 

I believe adults can date someone who is older or younger than they are as long as criteria 1 and 2 are met. Sweetheart is older than I am by a couple of years, but we’re in the same place right now in our lives. We’re working toward the same goals. We’re both consenting to the relationship (and are pretty freaking happy). We’re both adults. 

But there is no consent where there is manipulation and there is no consent where a power dynamic exists (don’t believe me? Read the guidelines for informed consent for research–if you can’t consent to something as simple as a research study when a power dynamic or manipulation exists how could you possibly consent to something as complex as a relationship!). 

So if you feel there is a power dynamic or manipulation that exists in this relationship–OPT OUT. 


Meet the Mercs of Dirty Bomb - Sparks

Sparks is a qualified doctor, and has the papers to prove it. But then she also has the papers to prove she’s at least five other people, including a pilot, an attorney-at-law, and a California Highway Patrol officer named Jeff. The point is, she has friends in high and low places, which helps her get her hands on cutting-edge medical tech like the REVIVR. Killing and reviving people under gunfire is by no means the worst job she’s had. Just ask Jeff.

Sparks uses her prototype REVIVR rifle to both heal AND harm: Reviving teammates from distance, and doing deadly shock damage to enemies. Using the REVIVR to revive a teammate from behind cover is easy. Hitting an enemy at distance with it… that’s a little tougher. Sparks can also drop Med Packs by hand, although they’re weaker than those of other healers.


I was taking so many deep breaths the whole time I’m pretty sure the tests administrators thought I was going to collapse or something.

Also everything sucks and my parents are probably going to ask how it went.

It went BAD. Are you happy?!

Hopefully it didn’t go as bad as my practice runs though.

I don’t feel very relaxed at all right now. I feel even more anxious than before fuck everything

anonymous asked:

If you don't mind me asking what's wrong with your uterus/ovary?

everything nonny. just…everything.

under the cut: pina talks about uterus….es?

Keep reading

i was on a medication that was not an emotional medication – it was for hyperactivity and impuslivity – but i stopped and i feel it fucking with me massively. the past few days i’ve very closely almost gotten into multiple car accidents cuz i’m just driving fast and making stupid decisions. i can’t wait for shit anymore and nothing is stimulating enough to make my feeling of urgency go away. last night i felt myself exhibiting annoying adhd behaviors which led to experiencing the worst anxiety ~thing~ i’ve had in months. tonight i feel generally put-off emotionally by little things but there’s a general feeling of uncomfortability. and suddenly i can no longer handle having work and social obligations, like i work and when i’m not working i need to be home and there’s too many things to do and i’m panicking because i can’t handle them all (i was doing this fine last week????) and i just had a little mood swing about feeling guilty and overwhelmed by that.

the mood things are not new things….but i also hadn’t experienced them in a couple of months. so….this is weird….but it’s not an emotional medication….but i feel like the absence of it is making my emotions very different (and fucked up)