If Ulquiorra and Batman were locked in a room...
As requested by trunkai. :)
In this crossover edition of my locked in a room series, we are going to imagine what would happen if Ulquiorra found himself locked in a room…with Batman.
Ulquiorra: Who are you?
Ulquiorra: Why are you talking in that voice?
Batman: What voice?
Ulquiorra: That artificially gravelly voice.
Batman: …this is my voice. It’s not artificial.
Ulquiorra: Are you attempting to hide your identity?
Ulquiorra: You do not need to do that with me.
Ulquiorra: I don’t care. And also I am dead.
Batman: I’m not hiding my identity.
Batman: I am…Batman.
Ulquiorra: Well I can certainly see why we were paired.
Batman: Is it because you look like one of my villains?
Batman: With that weird helmet thing, that ridiculous teardrop makeup, and your artificially porcelain-white skin?
Batman: To say nothing of your sword.
Batman: Who other than comic book villains fight with swords these days?
Ulquiorra: No, I meant because I am also a Bat-Man.
Batman: I’m Batman.
Ulquiorra: I realize that I do not look much like a bat now.
Ulquiorra: But in my release, I have leathery bat wings and fuzzy bat legs and a long tail.
Ulquiorra: …although the tail is probably not something you associate with bats.
Ulquiorra: I just now realized that the tail is weird.
Batman: Wait. If I am following you correctly, this means that you have the ability to turn into a giant bat?
Ulquiorra: Hence - bat but also man. Batman.
Batman: I hate bats.
Ulquiorra: You named yourself after something you hate?
Batman: I conquered my fear and made it my own.
Batman: Now I dress and fight in the manner of bats.
Ulquiorra: You do not look much like a bat.
Ulquiorra: In my experience, bats do not wear body armor.
Ulquiorra: Nor do they have horns.
Ulquiorra: Or belts.
Batman: My costume is bat-inspired. It is not supposed to look like an actual bat.
Batman: Anyway, you literally look nothing like a bat right now, so I don’t know why you’re criticizing me.
Ulquiorra: At least we have that in common.
Ulquiorra: Perhaps we have other things in common as well.
Ulquiorra: Are you emo?
Batman: I have been known to be melancholic.
Ulquiorra: Do you live in a giant palace?
Batman: A mansion, yes.
Ulquiorra: Do you have bad luck with women?
Batman: Batman does, sure.
Ulquiorra: You see. We have much in common.
Batman: Do you fight using complicated and cool gadgets?
Ulquiorra: No I mostly use my hand.
Batman: Any old faithful man servants?
Batman: Dead parents?
Ulquiorra: I do not have any parents to be dead
Batman: Not so similar after all.
Batman: Now I must go.
Batman: I am the night.
Batman: Gotham needs me.
Batman: And my throat is realllly killing me.
Ulquiorra: You are a strange human.