also sorry if this posts multiple times internet not working properly

Amnesiac

Word Count: 1,898
Reader Gender: Female I guess idk
Warnings: None (i think????)
Love Interest: Bucky
Note: Sorry this took so long to post. Every time I tried to post it my internet would mysteriously cut out and eventually I just got frustrated and gave up haha. But I have returned in hopes that I’ll be able to finally post it ♥

Originally posted by coporolight

I ran down the street, rain hitting my face like bullets. There was a big storm passing through the city, and I was one of the few people brave enough to be in it. Or stupid enough. Either way, I didn’t have an umbrella with me; the storm was so sudden, and it’s normally sunny around here. As I ran across the street, a dark and blurry figure caught my eye. Well, he was only blurry due to the rain. I hesitated before running up to it, not at all sure what it was. As I approached the figure, I noticed it was a human being.

A man, to be more specific. He was in dark jeans, and a darkly coloured thin sweater. I felt his neck for a pulse, relieved to find out that he was alive. I looked at his torso, noticing normal breathing patterns. The only thing signaling that he ended up here at all were the multiple bruises and cuts that littered his body. I shook his shoulder harshly, my expectations of him waking up coming to a sudden halt. After a few more minutes of trying, I gave up on my attempts to be gentle, and gave him a slap instead.

“Ow, what the hell?” He asked, voice laced with sleep.

“I’m sorry, are you alright?” I asked and he looked at me warily.

“Fine.” He said shortly, eyeing me.

“Do you live far from here?” I questioned.

“I don’t know.” He said after a moment, now looking confused.

“Do you remember anything?” I questioned.

“No.” He said shortly again, confusion now replaced with irritation.

“Well,” I paused, “You can come to my place, I’ll patch you up.”

We locked eyes for a long moment, and I could sense his distrust. In the moment of silence we shared, I was able to look at him a bit clearer. His had a bit of scruff, obviously signaling that he hadn’t shaved in a few days. His hair was quite long, but it suited him somehow. He was shivering slightly, and it became evident that he was trying his best to appear completely calm. I stood back up, offering a hand to him.

“Come on, if I was trying to kill you, would I have bothered with waking you up?” I questioned.

He narrowed his eyes at me, silence continuing to fill the air. He finally took my hand, and I helped him stand. He limped a bit as he walked, but I wasn’t about to ask about it. If he really does have amnesia, then me asking him what happened right now is like talking to a brick wall. I shrugged off my jacket, the cold and rainy hair hitting my covered skin. I draped it over his shoulders, and he looked at me curiously.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“You’re cold.” I said simply and he grunted.

“Yeah, but isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?” He asked and I shrugged.

“I’m alright.” I lied coolly.

“Bullshit.” He said.

“Well, I’m not taking it back until we get to my place, so suck it up.” I said stubbornly, and he just shook his head.

That day was a few weeks ago, and in that time he’s managed to remember little things. Like his name, where he was born, and all of that stuff. His wounds have healed, and the smaller cuts have vanished. Unfortunately, during this time I’ve found myself falling for the somewhat mysterious man that resided in my house. He’s taken to calling me ‘Doll’ rather than my actual name and, despite how often I tell him not to, I actually do enjoy it. It makes me blush a little, and I think that’s why he does it.

He also cusses like a sailor, which is fine by me, I’m the same way. He’s yet to remember everything, or how he even ended up on the street in the first place. It’s bound to come soon, and it scares me a little. That’s also partially why I haven’t told him how I feel about him. I’m scared that when he remembers he’ll leave and never look back. Or worse, it turns out he’s married with 8 kids. I heard footsteps enter the living room, and I looked who they came from. Bucky.

“What’s up, Doll?” He asked, sitting beside me.

“The damn television won’t work right.” I grumbled.

“You try turning it on?” He said smartly.

“Oh, ha ha, let’s all make fun of the one time I had a fucking mind blank.” I huffed.

“Just one time?” He asked, laughing a little when I hit his arm.

“You’re an ass.” I huffed.

“I’m a damn delight.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll make sure to remember that.” I said sarcastically.

I cleared my throat as I went to go get what I called the ‘Bucky Kit’. I gave up of calling it First Aid when he was the only one I was using it on. When I got back he was already out of his tank top, the bandages on his chest now exposed. His torso was almost fully healed, but I didn’t want to take any chances. I’d feel awful if anything got infected and he ended up needing surgery. Plus, he has this phobia with hospitals and shit. Me trying to get him inside the hospital might be just as hard as getting the T.V. remote from him.

I took off his bandages, looking for any signs of an infection. When I didn’t find one, I began cleaning the dirt off of his chest. He didn’t have a lot, seeing as how I properly care for his wounds. I felt heat rise to my cheeks, a sea of inappropriate thoughts entering my brain. I cleared my throat, hoping to clear the thoughts along with it. I focused on cleaning him up, and after a long agonizing moment of silence, I was finished.

“Now, if you’d stop running into everything, you’d be healing a lot faster.” I playfully criticized.

“Doll, I gotta tell you something.” Bucky said.

“Ah, so do I.” I confessed with a small smile.

“Same time?“ Bucky offered and I nodded.

“Sure.” I agreed, and we counted to three together.

“I remember everything.“ Bucky stated.

“I think I love you.“ I said at the same time.

My eyes widened as his words sunk into my brain. While I was happy that he finally got his memory back, fear poked into my mind. Was he going to just leave me and forget me now? What if I was right and it turns out that he has 8 kids and 4 ex wives? His eyebrows furrowed together, an undetectable emotion on his face. I should’ve just shut up, I should’ve just kept that to myself.

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” I spoke, my voice faltering.

“Wait, you what?” Bucky questioned.

“I suppose you’ll be wanting to leave, now.“ I continued, my voice faltering even more.

“Y/n, wait a second-“ Bucky tried.

“I have to go spring clean my room,“ I started to back away, “So I’m just going to go.“

I ran off, retreating into the safety and comfort of my room. I slammed the door shut, feeling tears brim my eyes. I felt selfish for feeling so sad about him regaining his memory, but I couldn’t help it. He was probably going to leave me and never talk to me again. He probably doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. As a matter of fact, he’s probably in his room getting ready to leave right now.

I plopped onto the side of my bed, my back facing the door. Why couldn’t I have just thought of him like a friend? I sadly wiped my tears, which only made them flood through. In a matter of seconds I was bawling, my hands covering my face instead. I tried to keep the noise nonexistent, the last thing I needed was for Bucky to hear me cry. He’d probably just laugh. I don’t want to see him when he leaves, I just want him to go without telling me.

“Y/n?” Bucky questioned after knocking on my door.

“Go away!“ I yelled, my voice betraying me.

Instead of hearing footsteps walk away, I heard my door open and then close. Great, he’s come to ridicule me, or come to tell me good bye and to delete his number. Thankfully, my hair hid my face, so it was harder to tell that I had been crying. I heard him slowly walk closer to me before abruptly stopping in his tracks. I scooted a little further away from him, hoping he’d take a hint. Unfortunately, he didn’t.

Instead I heard him walk even closer, moving my hands away from my face. I looked away from him, focusing on the wall that faced my side. He moved my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear. I took a deep breath as he gently moved my head, forcing me to look at him. He was crouched on the floor, looking up at me with concern. Oh great, this is even worse, I get pity. His hand stayed on my cheek, his thumb pushing away tears.

“Hey, why are you crying, doll?” Bucky asked in a quiet tone.

“It’s stupid, you don’t have to worry about me.” I replied in a slightly bitter tone.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me.” He stated, completely serious.

“Well, now that you’ve got your memory back, you’re going to leave and I’ll just be left here with a memory. You’re not going to want to talk to me-“ I began rambling, making me cry a bit harder.

“Is that what this is about?” He questioned, taking my silence as confirmation, “Doll, you didn’t give me a chance to reply.”

“Well, I just assumed-” I began.

“Well, you assumed wrong.” He stated, “If you had given me a chance to talk, you would’ve found out that I feel the same toward you.” He stated, and my heart raced.

“R-Really?” I stuttered out, my crying voice fucking everything up.

“No, I’m fucking with you, of course I do.” He said and I sighed.

“You’re still going to leave and forget me.” I pointed out, and he raised his brows.

“Even if I didn’t love you, how could I ever forget you?” He asked.

“I dunno.” I mumbled, fiddling with my hands.

“Doll, you’re too amazing to forget,” He smiled lightly, “Plus, you can be a real pain in the ass-Ow!” He yelped after I hit his arm.

I glared at him for a second before a smile took over my lips, and I hugged him instead. He instantly hugged me back, standing up and spinning me around for a second. A weight was lifted off of my shoulders and off of my heart, the sadness and fear leaving me. My tears dried, no longer falling from my eyes and staining my cheeks. After he let me go, I pulled away and stared at him for a moment.

“So does this mean that we’re a thing or-” I began, getting cut off with a kiss.

“What do you think?” He questioned after pulling away.

“I think that doesn’t really answer my question.” I stated.

“Yes, we’re a thing, you dork.” He said, rolling his eyes.

On Questions From a "Journalist"

We get a lot of messages from female journalists, who ask inflamatory questions and then expect us to get angry. My personal favorite was the one that threatened to tell 4chan the truth so they’d ask for their money back.

If anyone figures out who sent these questions can you just ignore her instead of engaging. I don’t really care if people ask me questions, that’s what I booked time off work for.

But I do care on how she’s treated. All this project has taught me is that many women (But not all) try to get offended and expect me to change my opinion for their benefit. That’s not something I do for men, that’s not something I’ll do for women. Sorry this is the cost of equality.

Her questions are in bold

As stated when I contacted you earlier, I’m in the process of writing an article on The Fine Young Capitalists and would appreciate public statements from you on a number of matters I’m
still a bit unclear on.

None of the women submitting game design pitches for your contest has their full names listed, and I have been unable to find any evidence, anywhere of a single one of them attempting to promote their individual nominees.

That was by design, they don’t have their full name present, or a picture specifically so they can make the decision if they want to engage with the internet drama after the contest has been decided. Engaging with Internet drama and not winning the contest would seem like a penalty to ones career. And as the FAQ says


“Can the creator of the idea win the contest, but not participate in the crowdfunding stage and then make the game on their own and keep all the profits.


Sigh… Yes.”


The women had the option of engaging as little or as much with the public as they choose and can use the art to pitch the production on their own. If the crowdfunding failed they wouldn’t be responsible for any of the costs. If you believe the current climate in video games is negative to female developers you should respect that.


Firstly, for a project specifically designed with a goal of helping the women involved pursue future careers in game design, why would you omit any information that developers, publishers, and members of the press would need in order to contact them about any future projects they may pursue?

The information has been given to press members that have requested it, none has done any articles on the women. The women can promote themselves and after voting ends are given the option of posting any relevant personal information. Over the past couple weeks, you’ll see why we specifically set up the contest so this was an option to avoid the drama in the online community.

I would personally be quite interested in personally contacting each of them about their involvement with this project to date, and their thoughts on a number of details. Would you be willing to pass that along, ask them to get in touch with me via twitter, or some other method?

You don’t have press credentials and as such will not be receiving information for the same reason I don’t give out the personal information of my friends online. Anyone who contacts us through an established journalist website could get the contact information and have if they asked.

On a somewhat related note, the one thing I have found to suggest any of these women exist is an interview with Danielle, which you yourself conducted, and posted to the official page of your
project. Frankly, it strikes me as rigging the contest to actively promote a single contestant in this fashion, without simultaneously posting interviews with each of the others. Would you care to
address this?

Danielle spoke at her request, she felt that the press we had been receiving was bad and wanted to address that there were actually real women involved. If any of the other women had asked then could speak as well. The project guidelines specifically said they could interact as little or as much with the promotion of the product as they liked.

The current voting page for the project lists no deadline for the end of the voting period, no tally of votes received to date, and seems to have no mechanism in place to prevent a single individual
from voting repeatedly. Why is such an important component of the project being handled in such a sloppy fashion, prone to both abuse by voters, and giving no assurance that votes are being properly counted?

There is a system on the backend that tracks the votes and prevents the same user from voting multiples times. The system does not allow the user a second for the same game but does allow the person to change his or her vote. We have been monitoring the voting since the beginning and the results are consistent with no major irregularities during the entire process. We aren’t posting public result until the end because by the contest rules if the person think that there is too much drama they can step back from the project, or if their idea get’s so many votes they’d like to pursue the project on their own they can step back from it. By not listing the votes, we prevent public matters on this issue which the creator can choose to engage with on their own terms.

We wanted to announce the winner after the crowdfunding ends, we are considering doing it a week before, now no decision has been made..

I would also be interested learning exactly how the contestants were originally selected. Your website being a Tumblr blog makes it difficult to find any relevant posts on the subject, particularly
with the incredibly large volume of personal posts, you have made on unrelated subjects. How exactly were the entrants first selected, and how did they enter to begin with?

The relevant portion is repeated here and is on our website

The Proposals will be judged by a panel, consisting of at least 5 nominees of TFYC, including the Bondsman, and other people previously involved in the game industry or in software design and development, and awarded points out of 80 on the following basis:


The Originality of the idea as related to game play, use of the medium, story and aesthetic, as determined by a group of experts to be chosen by TFYC - 10 Points


The Financial viability of the game as related to audience, expected revenue, and the ability to continual monetize the property over time, as determined by a group of experts to be chosen by TFYC - 10 Points
The level of immersion or fun the user will have by playing the game, related to the interface, gameplay, progression and community involvement as determine by a group of experts to be chosen by TFYC. - 10 Points

The presentation of the game as explain in the proposal related to the aesthetic of the game and any sound assets as determined by a group of experts to be chosen by TFYC - 10 Points


Feasibility: The proposal will be judged on the feasibility of the game to be produced on a budget of $50,000 in a 6 month time frame. Factors including the length, graphics requirements, music and sound requirements, networking, back end server support and programming complexity will be used to determine this score. This score will be determined by an experienced video game programmer chosen by TFYC - 40 Points

The point categories described above are for guidance purposes only for the judges and shall not be necessarily determinative of the panel’s final decision, which shall be in its complete discretion. The panel may vary the weightage given to different characteristics. The panel or TFYC has no obligation to maintain records of its deliberations or to provide any such records to Participant or any third party.


A quick glance the website of Autobotika lists The Fine Young Capitalists as an apparently completed project, where their input was to create the promotional materials for the game pitches included on your website. No mention is made anywhere of plans for them to personally an oversea development of the game, nor does anyone have any apparent experience in game design at any level other than providing concept art. Further, statements from Lola Barreto suggest actual game development will be handled by a third party as yet to be determined. Exactly who, to the best of your ability to state, will actually be developing the winning game?

I assume you are excluding the fact that Lola is listed as the director, Giovanna is listed as the produced and Laura who is to be the head animator for the production. Lola has made no statement that Autobotika will not be doing the production. Current plans are for Autobotika to be involved unless medical matter prevent one or more of the listed individuals from working on the project.

Frankly, you seem to be making a number of promises about the game to eventually be developed which cannot reasonably be kept. You have promised both that the final game will be completely open source. You state that the creator of the chosen pitch will never forfeit ownership. You state that you will license everything related to the game to them. Finally, you state that anyone donating $2000 or more will have a character designed by you, officially owned by them, and if I am not mistaken, you have promised that any such characters will be included in the final game, which does not appear to be a clause in the original contest rules. Even assuming you intended to say all intellectual property would be licensed from the creator of the pitch, not to, it would seem logically impossible to fulfill all of these promises
simultaneously. Care to explain?

Code will be open source, art will be licensed under creative commons. Open source code is owned by the creator but licensed to other users under specific guidelines. We have not negotiated it with the creator, but the art will probably be licensed under Non-Commercial use. The art created for the pitch is not owned by the creator but licensed to creator for their use in promoting their project. On this point, I do agree it has been made unclear but considering the laws differ from country to country there may be different agreement based on the creators location. Everyone will control ownership of their original product, but there will be licensing agreement so the can use them on their own project.

The women will keep her idea, license it under creative common, the art will be licensed under creative commons. People can own thing and license them. A person does not have to place their character in the game, 4chan chose to and we said that was fine, and they chose to make Vivian James public domain so there is no issue with that transaction. The other people purchasing the perk can do whatever he wants with his character, and may place it in the game if he chooses.

You have also stated that any profits from the final game released at the end of this project will be granted to the charity “of the donor’s choice. I have seen a poll posted of charity options for the bulk of your donors, which begs two questions. Were the options found on this poll chosen by you, or an unrelated party? Additionally, are all profits to be donated to a single charity, or have you surveyed each donor individually, with the intention of donating profits to the percentage of the initial funding each contributed?

We have created no poll and will endeavor to work with each backer to make sure their profits are donated to the charity they like. Anyone can suggest a non-profit and we will engage with, not for profits in the tech sector so they can promote their brand to our backers. Otherwise, we will just make a donation, after contact the not for profit to make sure it is accepted. The majority of them accept credit card transaction as donation so it’s not that complicated.

In an earlier, quite spontaneous comment made to me via twitter, you stated, and I quote- “Everyone that is getting paid is a woman… Their listed on our webpage.” However, you have also posted a video with interviews of those involved in the project, which clearly seems to contradict this. What exactly prompted this statement from you, and do you still stand by it?

You’re going to have to say which Video, but so far Samantha Walsh was paid to write the videos, Autobotika was paid to design the web, Autobotika was paid to design the pitches. And Heather was paid to appear in the first video, as was the cameraman, makeup artist and model for promotional content. Nothing currently contradicts the statement everyone has been paid.

The woman who presented the idea gets to keep her concept art which will be licensed to her to promote her game. We consider that profits for submitting her idea.


Somewhat tangentially, you have stated on multiple occasions that Zoë Quinn has both “doxxed” you and made DDoS attacks against your site. You have also made public statements specifically correcting this, and admitting that in your interchangeable use of these terms, what you in fact were referring to was a different individual publicly posting a link to your readily available public facebook page. You have also since deleted this clarification and reverted to your original statement when publicly questioned. What, exactly, is your current stance on the matter?

Zoe Quinn specifically wrote the statement that was posted online. We have information and email threads to show that. There was an implied agreement that she would take some responsibility in the exchange if the statement was published. She did not engage in practices related to the agreement and she refused to contract us for further clarification on adjacent issues. As such we retracted the statement as she wrote it and made it clearer to our specifications. This information will be provided to any journalists with press credentials.

Both statements don’t contradict each other, Zoe Quinn did not post our information, her PR manager which is hired to represent her did. She was one voice in choir of people, but she certainly encouraged them more than anyone else.

It’s also important to mention that Zoe Quinn was contacted on 5 separate times before the crowd funding started and was asked to make any changes. Similar emails were sent to her PR manager and they were contacted on Twitter and responded so they knew they could make any changes to t. We have records of this.

Moreover as her not for profits ORGANIZATION WAS CONTACTED, and was specifically told they could run the project and receive the share of the profits and “declined” before TFYC has a name. We don’t really see what more we could have done to make sure that Zoe was aware of the project.

More broadly, you seem to make a habit of making these sorts of contradictory statements, often within a single conversation or published document. Do you have any explanation for why you seem to do this so routinely?

There is no correct answer to that question and the majority of our statement have only been contradictory to the people who choose to believe something regardless of the evidence presented.

Moving on to the elephant in the room, there is a loosely organized group of semi-anonymous individuals with which you are clearly familiar, whom you, they, and others, have referred to at various points as 4chan, /v/, #gamergate, and The Cathedral of Misogyny. Obviously, all of these terms, with the exception of the last, can also refer to various larger groups than those in question, so for the sake of clarification, note that I am specifically referring to the individuals you have thanked and endorsed publicly in updates to your Indiegogo page, who unquestionably have been waging a campaign over the last month to “fight for journalistic integrity” by spreading lies and private information about a number of women involved either in independent game development (which your project alleges to support), or journalistic coverage of gaming.

In light of the evidence which has surfaced tying the group in question to a number of possibly illegal activites, and an unquestionably immoral campaign of hate which has put many lives at very real risk, so severe that even 4chan.org and similar sites are making efforts to distance themselves, do you stand by the statements of support you have made in their favor, dismissing
those who object to their actions, and thus indirectly denying the damage done to these women’s lives? Such as in the posts made on your tumblr as recently as September 15th or so?

Similarly, if you’d like me to include an official statement from you condemning the actions of those directly responsible for the various threats and compromises of confidential information
directed at these women?

It’s difficult for us to think that any statement we make will have

And would you care to offer up any sort of formal apology for any such incidents which may have been committed by individuals who were acting on information you personally put forth publicly during this period of general high tension, either in the form of the aforementioned misleading statements on your blog, erronious claims about game developers, or private e-mail addresses which may have been seen by unstable individuals after passive aggressive picture-tweeting in the aftermath of unflattering articles?

I will consider giving a formal apology when I receive one from the person that has affected me. The cognitive dissonance that requires me to apologize for actions that were instigated by another party against me are incredible. We have worked with every person to try to make them happy, and they have all asked us to lie on their behalf about their involvement. We won’t lie, and as I told Kotaku I think she didn’t understand what we were doing, I would have been happy if the statement read.

“Zoe didn’t understand the production but now realizes we aren’t transphobic or exploitive, but doesn’t encourage her users to engage,” and we would have posted that to our site.


Finally, is there anything you would like to say to the many people who have made the mistake of believing money contributed to your indiegogo would be donated to feminist charities, or directly
funding a woman’s effort to design her own game?

Please read the website, and Indiegogo campaign where this information is clearly listed. If you are completely in error consider requesting a refund through support@thefineyoungcapitalists.com


I realize there are a number of unflattering implications behind several of these questions, and hope you are not too offended by my asking them. What information is currently available to me paints a very unflattering picture, and I would like to stress that I am seeking clarification and correction so as to be sure nothing I print causes you harm by way of speculating on any of these matters without fairly presenting your take, if any, on these subjects.

Of the interviews I have done that have not been published the majority of them have actually be done by women. Your tone is delibrate, I don’t care. If someone wants to address these points on a Podcast where they can ask direct question I have asked for this at multiple times. We have been very transaparent about everything we have been doing. And the production was set up to create controversy and protect those that would be the most affected by the fallout.

.