also my face is in pain

A confession.

I actually planned on pretending to be all shy about showing my face; but honestly, if there’s one thing I like about myself it’s my face?

I have horrible skin that relies on makeup and skin filters. I have uneven eyelids and my teeth are all crooked. I also have a dent in my nose from when I broke it when I was younger. But I got my face from my parents and I’ve honestly never felt ashamed of it even when I went through that awkward puberty stage.

If you’re going to take the time to read this, please let me start by saying that you are beautiful.

So many of the blogs I follow are of younger girls who’ve begun using social media much earlier than I have, and it pains me to see them being shy or conscious of their appearance as they do their ‘face reveals’ online because they believe that they aren’t good-looking.

You are more than what’s on the surface. A pretty face may help us get far in today’s society; but youth fades and only wisdom and kindness remain in old age.

As cliche as it all sounds, beauty comes from within - and while there are many posts out there teaching us how to take care of ourselves ‘from within’ (light a candle, run a warm bath, drink plenty of water) - I wish someone would tell you that you can also show love and care for your outwards appearance without it being labelled as vain.

You don’t have to start taking selfies everyday to show appreciation for your physical self.

Sometimes, it’s in the little things like simply playing with your hair when you find yourself not focusing in class, and comparing what features you share with those you love (your family/your friends/your idols), you can even start by looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you are beautiful.

5

Stanuary week two: Protect
He might not always be able to be there to protect his brother from bullies, but at least he can keep him from taking their words to heart.


You can see all of my Stanuary entries here.

I looked at him with so much admiration, I swear you could see the love pouring out of my eyes like waterfalls.
I could also swear to you that he looked at me like all of the other girls, just another body, just another face. I could swear to you that when he kissed me so hungrily like I was his last meal, I could swear to you I was not what he was craving.
I could swear to you that he means so much more to me than I will ever mean to him; and I could swear to you there is no substance in the entire world to numb that pain.
—  v.m // I could swear
— off limits | 01 (m)

pairing— kim seokjin x reader
genre/warnings— smut, dirty talk, dom! Jin, just dirty, dirty sex that my heart can’t take
words— 11,158

:: summary— you’ve been lusting after your brother’s best friend for a while now, ever since you met him at a house party, flirting it up a storm as you failed to realise who the other was. That was months ago now and things are still awkward, but you can’t ignore the sexual tension that’s simmers between the two of you…and it keeps getting worse…

 » 01 :: 02 :: 03 :: 04 :: 05 :: 06 :: 07 ::

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My Beloved is Mine and I am His: 13x02 and Song of Solomon

One of the first things I wrote when I was brand new to the fandom was a short fic with Castiel reading and re-enacting sections from the Song of Songs to Dean. At the time, I thought it was too cheesy and trite to fit within the realm of Supernatural, and I deleted it in a bout of frustration. I am regretting that today like you wouldn’t believe.

I’m a bit of a bible nerd. I took a lot of theology and religion classes in my undergrad. That was nearly a decade ago though, so my current knowledge is a bit shaky. Here’s what I can recall about Song of Solomon that may or may not inform your reading of 13x02 and SPN in general.

A disclaimer: I am sick and drug addled, so please forgive any incoherent rambling. There is a lot of irrelevant gibberish, so I’ve tried to highlight the bits relevant to SPN.

To begin!

Solomon is the heir of King David (whom you may recall had a passionate same-sex relationship with Jonathan.) Solomon’s reign is idealized, much like David’s was, and it was under Solomon that the First Temple was built. Solomon is famous for his wisdom and his large concubine of women. Notably, he settled a dispute between two women who were fighting over a child. He offered to cut it in half, revealing the true mother who could not bring herself to see the child hurt. This bears resemblance to Jack’s situation right now, torn between two fathers.

Song of Solomon (also known as Song of Songs, or the Canticles) is often attributed to Solomon because he is mentioned. However, the text is dated much later, and certain Persian words and influences in the text suggest a post-exilic era as the earliest possible date. Some scholars date it even later.

Song of Solomon is part of the collection in the Hebrew Bible known as The Writings (or the Kethuvim). It’s the third major division in the Hebrew Bible, and one of the last to be adopted into canon. It’s a bit of a catch all category that contains vastly diverse content including poetic works (Psalms, Song of Songs), and wisdom literature (Proverbs, Job, Ecclesiastes), to name a few.

Most of these writings (including Song of Songs) date to the post-exilic era. That is, after the Babylonian conquest, and during Persian rule. The nation of Judah perished in the fires that were set to Solomon’s temple. Post-exile, Judea was experiencing a theological crisis in the face of the apparent absence of Yahweh, or God. David’s dynasty has collapsed, and we see theological despair reflected in writings like Job and Ecclesiastes that ponder the problem of evil, the absence of God, and undeserved suffering. Song of Solomon, and other writings like it, were written at a time when things felt hopeless and there were fears that God has abandoned his people. It is oddly fitting then, that Jack should open to this particular part of the bible. 

The Kethuvim mark a shift in religious thought. Previous writings centred on an independent kingdom involved in international politics. After the fall of the temple, we see an exiled, diasporic religion now led by priests instead of divinely appointed kings. Religious leaders and writers had to adjust and re-envision their scriptural teachings. Gone was the simplistic thesis that equated prosperity with religious obedience and misery with sin. The authors of the books known as The Writings were questioning conventional scripture of the time and creatively refocusing their theology.

Persian rule also introduced new religious ideas, namely Zoroastrianism, which came to influence later Judeo-Christian ideas. Zoroastrianism viewed the world as dualistic, ruled by two opposing powers of good (light) and evil (dark) and had hierarchies of angels and demons. Until this time, most biblical literature did not give name or ranks to angels, nor did they depict satan as an actual autonomous figure. We have Zoroastrianism to thank for that, and its influence on biblical writings can start to be felt around the post-exile period (i.e. the time during which Song of Solomon was written). The book of Daniel, for example, names the angel Gabriel, and the Book of Tobit names the demon Asmodeus. (In Tobit, Asmodeus is a jealous demon who kills each successive husband of Sarah on her wedding night and is later exorcised. He is someone who keeps lovers apart and keeps them from consummating their love.)

Songs of Songs is essentially a collection of erotic love poems. The book defies any easy interpretation or classification, and it stands out in stark contrast to the rest of biblical canon. It’s a completely unabashed, uninhibited celebration of sex, with little evidence to suggest that the lovers are married. They do not live together, and yearn intensely for one another when apart. It’s the subject of numerous feminist readings, as it’s one of few books of the bible to give a voice to women’s thoughts and feelings. Here, those are romantic and erotic feelings.

Don’t believe me? Read this:

My beloved thrust his hand into the opening,
and my inmost being yearned for him.
I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
upon the handles of the bolt.
(Song of Solomon 5: 4-5)

This is some raunchy stuff for the bible! And all of this is sharply contrasted with the sexual ethos elsewhere in the bible which imposes harsh penalties for sexual misconduct, and places great emphasis on the institution of marriage. Deuteronomy (a book of the bible about sexual and social control) calls for the death penalty in many cases

There was understandably some debate as to whether this particular bit of writing warranted inclusion in the biblical canon of scripture. Rabbi Akiba was a key figure in the development of the Hebrew canon. While he argued strongly against the inclusion of certain books of the Apocrypha, he advocated for the Song of Songs, calling it the Holy of Holies. Its sanctity was preserved by interpreting it as an allegory for the love between Yahweh and Israel, and later by Christians as the love between Christ and the Church. Interestingly, God is not mentioned once in the entire book. (The only other book of the Bible where God is not mentioned even once is Esther.)

And yet, this book was called the Holiest of Holies. Love is championed here above all else.

I really don’t think we’ve seen the last of Chuck. Someone (I’m sorry, I can’t remember who!) pointed out the rainbow glare that happened in 13x01 when Dean was praying as a sign of God’s promise. (Edit: I’m an idiot. I reblogged the damn thing and it was just a couple posts down. It was @gneisscastiel who made the beautiful post about lens flares and pointed out the rainbow as God’s promise.)  The inclusion of Song of Solomon in 13x02, besides being a blatant callout to Dean and Cas, suggests this is also about God and his people. I’d also like to suggest that Song of Solomon is a book that asks us to think broadly about canon. What constitutes canon? How is it formed? And I do mean canon here in the sense not just of biblical canon, but of fandom canon. Who decides what canon is? Is there room in canon for outliers like the Song of Solomon? The answer, as the show has just demonstrated, should be a resounding yes.

Onto the destiel side of things, which I’m sure has been discussed already. Song of Solomon contains some of the most beautiful poetry in the Bible. It is full of similes and references to nature (and arguably Eden/Paradise). It is deeply rural and pastoral, with an appreciation of agriculture, nature, and animal life. The multiple reference to sheep in 13x02 were no coincidence, I’m sure. Castiel has long been associated with natural, rural things: flowers, bees, goats, fish, etc. (If the Void is depicted as a garden and Cas has been spending his time under apple trees, I’m going to lose my freaking mind.) Is he being associated with sheep now? As someone who has been led by God, other angels, duty, Dean, Jack… perhaps this is time for Cas to choose a direction for himself. Sheep and lambs in the bible are also frequently marked for sacrifice. They represent symbolic innocence, and in the New Testament, Christ is called the “Lamb of God.” I definitely think Cas is being set up as a Christ-like figure with his death and anticipated resurrection. If 13x02 made anything clear, it’s that Cas is the answer the whatever problem faces Dean, Sam, and Jack alike.  

Lamentations might have been a more appropriate choice for the episode. It’s also a book of poetry, but one that evokes pain and loss. But they chose instead to give us the book that celebrates love and hope amidst despair. That’s a choice that feel very deliberate, and makes me cautiously optimistic for Dean and Cas.

 In closing, here are some passages from Song of Solomon, and the ones I feel are most closely tied to a destiel narrative.


“You have ravished my heart with a glance of your eyes.”
(Song of Solomon 4:9)

“Set me a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm…”  
(Song of Solomon 8:6)

“… For love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame.”
(Song of Solomon 8:6)


“I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not.” (Song of Solomon 3:2)

“My beloved is mine and I am his.” 
(Song of Solomon 2:16)

the story of the underwear cockles op

y’all wanna hear the story of how @amazinmango and i got this photo op at phxcon this weekend?

PART ONE: BEFORE THE OP

so here’s the thing: n o n e of this was planned. it was amazing, hilarious, ridiculous kismet. 

mango’s had his birthday recently, and so i brought his birthday present with me to phxcon. part of the present was a pair of jensen’s underbears (i think the text i sent mango right after jib was, “we’re close enough that it’s not weird if i buy u underwear right????”) bc i thought that was hilarious from jib and mango is a huge jensen fan and dean!boy. so the original joke was just that mango could have the bear underwear. i also got him a second pair in orange, bc orange is his fav colour. this was as far as i thought this would go. 

so i get into phoenix thursday night and give mango his present. we didn’t know there were cockles photo ops until friday afternoon when we saw hard tickets for sale. i distinctly remember being bummed that my hometown con had cockles photo ops for sale online but phxcon, the one i was actually going to, did not. but obviously once i saw they were available, like. THERE WAS ONLY ONE CHOICE. so after deciding it was completely financially irresponsible when we have no money, i bought the op. 

i can’t remember when it occurred to us that we had both the underbears and a pair of lucky orange underwear for misha in our hotel room. we wanted to do something fun and funny for the op, and cracked ourselves up at the idea. but we were also aware that it could be, you know, kind of sort of maybe intensely uncomfortable to be like (a) i know what underwear u were wearing and (b) here i brought pairs of them for you to further laugh over. i have a T E R R I B L E akdslkjkas embarrassment squick, so we didn’t want to do anything that made us uncomfortable, and we definitely didn’t want to do anything that would make misha or jensen uncomfortable. we wanted them to have fun with us and play around with us. 

we ran our idea passed our roomie, who has some good con experience, to see if she thought it would fly or not. we agreed on judging our plan based on their mood on the day and asking them if they felt comfortable enough to do it was the best course of action, with a back-up plan ready to go immediately just in case, so j+m knew we were serious that they could totally pass on it if it was weird. CONSENT AND SAFE SPACE. we were hella concerned about this. 

Keep reading

Spirits Can Eat You

& Other Ways that They Can Harm You in the Physical Realm

Mostly my UPG but I have heard similar information from others’ experiences

*Always make sure to look into medical and mundane reasons for any harm that may have occurred before ascribing the cause to spirits. *


A human walks along a craggy coast in the middle of the night. The waves violently churn and sputter beneath their feet as they hop from rock to rock. Under the surf something waits, carefully watching the human’s movements. The being has soft, gray skin and a beautiful cerulean tail whose scales reflect the moonlight, but the human lacks the ability to see this. They also don’t see when the creature darts out of the water, sinking her nails into their etheric body and pulling it into the depths. The human stops, gut wrenching, heart pounding, such weird symptoms seemingly brought on with no reason. But then they collect themselves and continue down the beach, feeling oddly different from before.


Most of the time, when a spirit “physically” harms you the damage will be applied to your etheric body. However, sometimes that damage can be translated over into your physical body in some form. For example, a god of cadavers once touched my arm causing a necrosis in the cells of my etheric body that expanded until my skin was a deathly black and the bone was exposed. My physical body was unharmed and showed no signs of the damage that was done to my etheric body however, I did find that the spot was less sensitive until my etheric body was healed. Even now the spot that he touched occasionally feels “off”.   

Eating

Just like humans, many entities need to eat to survive. They can eat the etheric copies of organisms and objects in the physical world as well as eating other spirits. Unlike entities, most ghosts don’t need to feed but they can if they want to. When a spirit eats it can be described as them absorbing the energy of their food and assimilating it into their energy. However, there are many different biologies and ways of feeding that might follow a different process.

Humans, physical and ghosts, are often prey for predatory species. Don’t think that just because you have the “energy of a dragon” or whatever that no one will attempt to eat you because of that. There’s always someone bigger.

When an entity eats a human they can either take out chunks of your energy or the whole damn thing. This can leave you feeling strange, empty, not fully “there”, and it can definitely affect the strength your magical workings. If you ever do get eaten, fear not! Energy with ties to the physical world (aka your meat body) will eventually reform over time although this can take up to years and can lead to long-lasting damage if a large amount of your energy was taken. So maybe fear a little.

Some entities are parasites that will hide in your etheric body and drain your energy from the inside. Parasites can also be large, regular looking entities that subtly drain you when they’re in your presence.

Entities can also feed on the ambient energies that you give off. For example, a despair demon might feed on the ambient energies of someone who is going through a depressive episode. A feeding like this isn’t directly harming you and can actually be helpful if you have a trusted entity feed on energies that you don’t want lingering around. However, it can be the opposite where an entity will try to milk these energies out of you by, for example, instigating depressive episodes and making you feel shitty.

Attacks and Abuse

Just like physical humans, spirits can punch you, kick you, sexually abuse you, etc. This harm usually takes a form similar to my example with the cadaver god. Depending on the extent of the damage sometimes this can manifest physically. Examples being feeling pain in your face after being slapped by a spirit or having scratches appear where they clawed you. They can also emotionally and psychologically abuse you.

*Always make sure to look into medical and mundane reasons for any harm that may have occurred before ascribing the cause to spirits.*

Possessions

Not as rare as everyone makes them out to be but still not as common as the others. In my experience this can come in three different forms: possession of the body, possession of the mind, and both combined. When a spirit possesses the body of a human, it can control their movements but the human’s mind is still conscious. When a spirit possesses the mind of a human, it can do things such as hack into their third eye, steal personal information from memories and the like, or even rewire their brain. Possession of the mind is usually a more gradual and subtle process than possession of the body. While this is a post about ways that spirits can harm people I figured that it might pay to mention how possessions aren’t always dangerous and can be done with the consent of the human (I loosely use the term “channeling” to describe consensual possessions).  

Influencing Auras

I mentioned earlier that humans can give off ambient energies that attract spirits, well spirits can also give off their own ambient energies. A spirit’s ambient energy is often an extension of its true energy. This energy often blankets wide areas of space, usually around where the spirit resides, and can influence the events or behaviors of organisms and other spirits that enter it. One example would be a species of spirit that I met called lunar soldiers. When they gathered together, they created an ambient energy of lunacy where those who entered it would behave erratically and often violently. Other examples could be the ambient energy of a murderer’s ghost that influences physical humans around them to commit murder and assault or the ambient energy of a forest causing people to be forgetful and get lost easier. Of course, not all entities have negative ambient energies or even ambient energies at all.

The Myths Don’t Lie

My final point is about how the myths and legends of spirits are often correct in describing the harm that spirits can do. Gorgons can turn your body to stone, vampires can feed on your blood, mermaids can drown you (or have ambient energies that make people around them more likely to drown ;D ), etc. It’s just that, most of the time, these things will happen to your etheric body and not your physical one.  

*Always make sure to look into medical and mundane reasons for any harm that may have occurred before ascribing the cause to spirits.*

13x01 - Episode Review Part 1

In which Dean just about held it together… and I did not. 

This review will be in several parts. I have separated it into several sections that I wish to talk about because hot damn. What an episode! This Part 1 focuses on Dean’s grief and Destiel and saying goodbye to Castiel. 

Firstly, an introduction

As I sit here, surrounded by three friends who I met on tumblr, BECAUSE of this show, I am amazed at how far I have come. I did not think that when I joined this fandom I would ever get to this moment, but my gosh what an amazing feeling this is. To all of you out there – reach out to people, you really won’t regret what you find. 

I adored this episode. I screamed, I even shed a single man tear whilst holding on to @amwritingmeta quite tightly… sorry Annelie if I hurt you at all. @tinkdw, @margarittet and @amwritingmeta you guys are wonderful and I am so glad that I have been able to flail and scream along to this awesome episode with you. Thank you for sharing this crazy obsession with me.

Part 1 - Love, Grief and Saying Goodbye

THEY USED METALLICA’S NOTHING ELSE MATTERS AS THE OPENING SONG! We were two seconds in and @margarittet had to pause because we all collectively SCREAMED that they chose to use this as the open song AS WELL! @tinkdw said that she wanted to try and guess what the opening song was this season but I don’t think ANY OF US considered that they would reuse “Nothing Else Matters” because its just so on the nose isn’t it? Nothing else matters? Nothing else matters than what exactly?

Well once again the “Then” sequence ends on Dean kneeling over Cas’s body.

The answer is Castiel. Nothing else matters than CASTIEL. This is repeated CONSTANTLY throughout the episode. You are not allowed to forget about him for a SINGLE SECOND and this opening song drums that home. Seriously if there are any Cas fans out there still bitter about Cas I dunno what show you are watching because it certainly ISN’T the show I watched yesterday.

It hurts to think about. What even was this episode? From the opening song “Nothing Else Matters” to the “Goodbye Cas” at the funeral pyre, this episode was chocablock full of moments that prove unequivocally that for Dean, Cas truly is his guiding light, his hope. Even if you don’t see their relationship as romantic you cannot possibly deny after 13x01 that Dean and Cas have an extraordinary connection and a deep and profound love that has now transferred to an even deeper excruciating grief in Dean.

Choosing to use this song as the season opener though? The season opener always reflects the tones of the season, the main themes. To have THIS song as the season opening? Wow. Just wow. This is a song that comes up first if you google “Metallica Love Song” by the way. In case you were wondering if it was indeed a love song. Because it is. James Hetfield confirmed it was written for a girlfriend. Interestingly though it has been debated over the years as the lyrics themselves are not conventionally romantic lyrics. Nevertheless, this is now fact: Supernatural used a Love Song called “Nothing Else Matters” to set the tone and theme of season 13, lingering over shots of Dean looking down at Castiel’s dead body. This isn’t even arguable. This is where we are.

(and what a wonderful place to be my friends)

Dean’s grief was beautifully portrayed by the superb acting skills of Jensen Ackles. In my season 13 wishlist I said this:

“It probably goes without saying but MAN PAIN OVER CAS – I mean, I reckon we are gonna get a good helping of this. Maybe not immediate tears but its gonna be pretty damn angsty – if the promo’s are anything to go by. I basically want it to be UNDENIABLE in canon that CAS is the reason that Dean is so broken up and that BOTH brothers are seriously struggling with his death. It has to be OBVIOUS how important Cas was to them and how his death has affected them

I think we can tick this one off. :)

Continues under the cut.

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Sangwoo in Chapter 31 (Analysis)

So, there was a lot going on this chapter, wasn’t there? Between the non-stabbing, the consequential continuation of the fight, Sangwoo being arrested, Bum being dragged along with him, and Sangwoo putting Seungbae on the spot, it was a rollercoaster of a chapter. 

We all know (I hope) that Sangwoo is very intelligent. We also know that (to some extent) he cares for Bum. Which makes me hesitant to say exactly whether Sangwoo is using his heart or his brain this chapter (ignore the cliche).

After Sangwoo has been ‘brought down’ by Seungbae, we get to see this jewel.  Now I’d argue that he’s genuinely thinking of Bum here with no ulterior motive. He looks so defeated. He’s just woken up from being tased. He’s thinking about what’s most important in that moment- Bum. Exactly what he’s thinking is more obscure. Is he disappointed in Bum, sad, angry, confused? We have one word and with it a million possibilities. 

Here’s my take on it. Not to sound too, well, romantic, but Sangwoo’s face here looks so broken. I look at him here, and I see a man who thinks he’s lost everything (or is about to) and is desperately clinging to one thing above all else. His eyebrows are raised towards his nose, slanting down towards his ears. This could just be due to the angle we’re looking at him from, but it could also be indicative of pain. Of course, he was just tased so that could have something to do with it, but I think the pain he’s feeling the most at this moment is emotional. He looks so done. 

Cut to the station:

This is the intelligent ‘can think his way out of anything’ Sangwoo at work here. Look at him. He’s watching. Gathering information, and assessing the situation. If he ever needed his smarts, it’s now. And this is where things get complicated, in my opinion. Sangwoo is trying to find a way out of an impossible situation. And then Bum arrives. 

And Sangwoo freaks out. 

He gets angry. He starts yelling. He moves with speed. He reacts in such a way that everyone literally freezes.

Look carefully at Seungbae’s face here because I’ll come back to it in a second. But first, Sangwoo doesn’t stop just because everyone else does. He uses Bum to his advantage. This is where I start to find things interesting. Sangwoo is too smart to not know what he is doing here. By showing he cares for his ‘victim’ he is blowing huge holes in Seungbae’s theory. And Sangwoo knows this. I mean look:

‘What happened to your face, Bum?’ As if he doesn’t already know. Sangwoo is looking at Bum and seeing an opportunity to get off scot-free. It is obvious that that is what he is doing. (Quick side-note because Bum’s face kills me here). But is that the ONLY reason he’s doing it? Is this Sangwoo freaking out, but intelligently? Is he showing genuine concern for Bum here, or just using him? Is he trying to save himself, or save them both? What is he feeling for Bum at this moment, considering everything that’s happened beforehand? The answers to these questions are a huge indication of Sangwoo’s motives, but sadly, I don’t know what they are. 

I mean, on the one hand, he’s making Seungbae’s theory look more and more ridiculous with every passing moment (and doesn’t Seungbae just know it):

Look at his face here. He is so out of his depth. Sangwoo has completely outsmarted him, and his mind is reeling. Why? Because Sangwoo has used emotions to his advantage. In Seungbae’s mind, Sangwoo is this psycho, emotionless, ‘evil’ man. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Bum is his victim and nothing else. Yet, here is a man who seems to care about Bum to the point of desperation. It’s a clever ploy, one that even shocks Seungbae. He looks so surprised to see that Sangwoo might care about someone. That he might actually have emotions. He’s stunned into silence, and every second he stays that way is a second more that Sangwoo can use to his advantage. Seungbae seems to have made a rookie mistake. Prior to this point, I’m pretty sure he’s only thought so far as getting Sangwoo to the station, and figured if he could do that he’d ‘win’. He doesn’t seem to realize that the fight between them didn’t end with Sangwoo’s arrest. And, boy that’s not going to end well for him.

On the other hand, we get this Sangwoo:

Look at his face in the second panel. I know that ‘reading Sangwoo’ is an art-form that no one’s mastered, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this is genuine emotion in his face. So, is Sangwoo using his brain, his heart or some unholy alliance of the two? I would argue for the latter. He’s emotional, but he’s not stupid. He’s using his genuine feelings and concern for Bum, amping them up, and using them to fool everyone. As far as I can remember, Sangwoo hasn’t done that before. He’s been either cold and calculating, or emotional to an unhealthy degree. We know he’s good at faking earnestness, which is what makes me uncertain about this whole outburst.

I mean, once Bum is next to him, he reverts back to calculating Sangwoo:

Look at that scheming face

And then he goes for the final blow:

Oh, KO, Suengbae! You are outta here! This is seriously the most brilliant plan Sangwoo could have come up with. Not only has he completely discredited Seungbae’s theory, but he’s distracted the rest of the police from it, too. In fact, he’s put his own involvement in the CEO’s daughter’s murder (that’s a mouthful) so far out of everyone’s mind, he doesn’t even register. He cares, he’s polite, he apologises, he bows. No way he can be a murderer, right? Ignore the fact that he came at ‘Bum’s ex’ with a knife. Everyone does that when confronted with their SO’s ex, right?

I’ve included this panel because I have a sneaky suspicion that Sangwoo’s face is showing some evidence of this victory on it. I mean, he knows he’s all but ‘proved’ himself innocent, and condemned Seungbae. Now Bum isn’t smart enough to figure all this out, which probably explains how confused he looks. But I think Sangwoo may be hiding a smile here. 

I mean think about it. The police questioning Sangwoo is one thing, but Bum would’ve gotten them both arrested the second he was alone in an interrogation room. Lies are not that boy’s strong point. 

So, maybe you’re wondering what the point of all this was? Did I really say anything that somebody hasn’t already? Probably not, but I’m curious. I’m curious as to how people interpreted this scene. Do you think it was all a ploy? Do you think Sangwoo was genuinely overly-emotional? Or do you think he was emotional, but using those to his advantage? Or something completely different? Personally, I think Sangwoo was feeling pretty raw this chapter (and the last). I think he was genuinely something for Bum this chapter, I just can’t figure out what. Is he concerned? Is he angry that someone’s touching his Bum? Scared, jealous, something else? I really can’t tell. All I can say is that I think he was emotional, even if I can’t figure out what emotion that is. I think he used that emotion to his advantage, and used Bum as a get-out-of-jail-free card to keep them both out of the reach of the police. Whether he cares about Bum in this moment or not is another question, but he certainly wanted the police to never doubt that. 

So, the tl;dr of this long, rambly post is, I think the side of Sangwoo we see here was his calculating one. I think the outburst in the station was somewhat emotional, but was mainly a ploy on Sangwoo’s part. I’d say he was 8/10ths intelligence and 2/10ths emotion at the station. I think the emotion was genuine, but not. I can’t explain it. It’s almost as if Sangwoo is saying what he genuinely thinks he feels, covering up what he actually feels with semi-real concern. So he is concerned about Bum, but it’s a different concern to what he’s showing? He’s concerned he’ll lose him, but not concerned about him being hurt? Sangwoo, you are near impossible to figure out. 

Reluctant Rejection

Summary: Being Sam Winchester’s Omega was wonderful… when he was actually there. Yes, he was kind and loving, but he’d spend weeks away from you, only stopping by when he needed to. Two years of living on the outskirts of Sam’s life is starting to take its toll. 
Pairing
: Alpha!SamxOmega!Reader
Words
: 2927
Warnings
: A/B/O Dynamics. Smut. Angst. Mistrust in a relationship. 
AN: First proper Sammy ABO fic!!! This is also my entry for @ilostmyshoe-79‘s Sweet Emotions Challenge! My emotion was Neglect… hope this fits the bill properly. But I feel like it does!!! 
Constructive Criticism Welcome!!!

***

The first thing that alerted you to Sam’s arrival was the tell-tale low grumble of the large, black beauty of the car he owned, which was quickly killed and followed by the slamming of a car door.

An excited grin broke out across your face, the small pains that indicated the very early stages of your heat forgotten. Every instinct in your body telling you to go to your Alpha, every fibre of your being craving to be with him after so long apart; to see him, smell him, touch him… your very soul was calling out for him.

It wasn’t like you’d forgotten all of the doubts that had been plaguing you, haunting your thoughts and hounding your dreams. Those were still very much there; but, at present, they were being entirely overwhelmed by the hormones coursing through your veins. There was only one thing on your mind when your heat started creeping into your system.

Sam didn’t even get the chance to cross the threshold before you leapt at him, arms wrapping around his neck, lips crashing into his in a searing kiss. He dropped his duffel bag on the floor just in time to catch you, one of his large hands gripping your thigh as you wrapped your legs around his narrow waist; the other quickly wrapping around your lower back. You heard him moan into your mouth as your fingers wove their way into his long hair.

He chuckled slightly when you finally pulled away from his mouth, but you made no attempt to detach yourself from him in any other way. In fact, you barely moved your head far from his.

“Someone’s keen,” he mused, smirking at you with a light in his eyes that only you could ignite. You matched his grin with one of your own, gently nudging his nose with yours before resting your forehead against his.

A small whine escaped your throat as you felt him slip the hand at your back under the thin shirt you were wearing, and you inhaled deeply, unable to get enough of his warm scent that reminded you of a campfire. “Missed you, Alpha,” you sighed, tugging on his hair slightly and eliciting a small growl from him.

“Missed you too, Omega,” he mumbled into the crook of your neck as he buried his face there, clearly revelling in your scent as much as you were in his.

The two of you remained entwined with one another as Sam carelessly kicked his bag just inside the door before knocking it shut behind him, just enjoying the moment of being close to one another. This wasn’t an uncommon way of spending your first few hours together when he visited, due to the fact that you often spent so long apart. You both just basked in the presence of the other.

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In light of me graduating tomorrow, I’ve decided to make a bit of a guide for those younger students who have not yet experienced college. Keep in mind, I am American and attended an American university while living on campus.

LAUNDRY/CLOTHING/FASHION

  • hand wash your intimates (panties and bras). they’ll last longer.
  • don’t get wrapped up in sticking to an aesthetic. just wear what’s clean
  • hang the next day’s outfit on your closet door
  • have one outfit for every occasion
  • invest in plain solid colored tops, a business formal and business casual outfit, and comfortable shoes
  • fold a plain t-shirt, roll it up tiny and stick it in a bag. keep this in your everyday bag if possible in the event a guy named Eric spills coffee on you in Bio
  • use scarves, plaid shirts, belts, ties, etc to spice up your wardrobe. but also, its fine to wear the sweatpants and hoodie to every class

THE LIBRARY

  • don’t get attached to just one singular spot. explore like you’re in a video game looking for hidden items.
  • sometimes you end up working in the library for their full operating hours. keep a travel bag with toothbrush/toothpaste/floss, mini bottle of face wash, pads/tampons, pain reliever, hair ties, and chapstick. just in case you stay until 2am at closing and you have an 8am and you know you won’t get much sleep.
  • have cash on you, have money on your student card, have your ID with you at all times and USE EVERY RESOURCE they offer.
  • minimize how much you bring. my library had desktop computers but also you can borrow macs and ipads for a period of time. also, they have chargers you can borrow.
  • photocopy, print, scan, etc is your friend. borrow a textbook from a friend for a day and have your own copy in minutes at the library.
  • follow the rules of the land. don’t be that guy/girl/person.

FOOD/DINING HALL

  • plan your meals
  • budget your meal plan so you don’t end up starving during finals week
  • KNOW EVERY SINGLE DEAL/SALE/SPECIAL OFFERED AT FAST FOOD JOINTS
  • eat with others, especially when you’re struggling to get food
  • if it isn’t essential, don’t buy it
  • never shop hungry
  • make lists before you grocery shop. shop more on the outer rings of the stores where the fresh, healthy food is
  • DRINK WATER
  • cook like you’re trying to survive a harsh winter. leftovers that last. carbs and protein heavy.
  • have family send you care packages with essentials you can’t get where you are.
  • GET THE RECIPES FOR YOUR FAVORITE HOMECOOKED MEALS

CLASSES

  • unless you invented mornings or are the god Apollo, please refrain from taking 8AM classes
  • never make big gaps in between your classes in one day. schedules should maximize efficiency. have enough time to eat and pee between classes and nothing more.
  • office hours. go to them. no matter what your status in the class is. you want those letter of recommendations, don’t you?
  • sit in the front
  • do the readings, write down questions you have, take good notes, make sure all your questions are answered before class is over
  • make friends with your classmates. emailing the whole class to get notes you missed is a huge nono
  • make money by being someone’s note-taker
  • go to tutoring sessions
  • make besties with your TA

STUDYING/HOMEWORK

  • never work on outside assignments in class
  • start the day you get an assignment even if it’s due next month
  • the minute you start a new unit, prepare for that inevitable test
  • you should spend hours studying for each subject. daily. for the best results
  • online homework is hard to remember. make phone alerts
  • download apps that won’t let you procrastinate on your computer when you need to study. i use writer’s block.
  • study before you go to bed, then pause and continue once you wake up

PUBLIC SPEAKING/PRESENTATIONS

  • record yourself while you practice
  • don’t stare at one person the whole time you’re speaking. pick three in different locations around the room
  • if you need to pause and look at your notes, do it naturally and comfortably. even announce that you’re taking a second to check your notes
  • take frequent short pauses to avoid saying uhhh and ummm while you’re trying to remember something
  • ask that your audience save questions for the end
  • practice (3x)
  • perform your script to a friend first. have them act as your audience, teacher, and the bad scenarios that can happen when you prepare but everything goes to shit
Jaws - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky accidentally punches you in the face during a training session, which somehow leads to your first kiss and the promise of a date.

Warnings: Kissing.

Words: 1 328

A/N: Very boring drabble that is kinda similar to Lift in terms of the layout. Tell me what you think and please request!

TAKING REQUESTS

Originally posted by you-didnt-see-that-cuming


She ducked under his punch, getting back up just as quickly and trying to elbow his chest. He grabbed hold of her joint and pushed her back. As she came rushing back in for a straight punch to his face, his metal hand flew right to her jaw.

She staggered back before falling to her knees. Her hair fell in front of her face and a few strands stuck to her glistening forehead, a long groan escaping her.

“Oh fuck, Y/N. I’m so sorry!” Bucky panicked, surprised as he thought she would have been able to see through his techniques as always and dodged his incoming attack.

He rushed to her side and knelt beside her, wrapping his arm around her back and using his free hand to remove the hair from her face. She whined in pain, trying to force a smile to not make him feel so bad but not being able to. “Okay, that one hurts… I’m not gonna lie.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry.” He carefully tilted her head to get better lightning on her jaw which was red, bruising and already swollen. “Fuck. That’s bad.”

“I don’t know if it’s anything serious, but I can taste blood?” She looked up at him. “Maybe that’s just normal. Also, my left ear is ringing, or it might be my entire head actually, I can’t tell the difference right now.”

Bucky kept repeatedly mumbling curses as he softly placed his bionic hand over the bruise. She winced in pain at first but the cooling of the metal was better than not having it there at all.

“Remind me to wear a hockey helmet for our next training session or something…” She began to push herself up from the floor. Bucky tried to help her by continuing to hold his arm around her back, which turned out to be very helpful.

“Woah!” He exclaimed as she almost fell forward, his grip of her tightening and keeping her on her feet. “You okay?”

“I just got punched in the face with a hand that’s literally made out of metal. Pardon me if I’m a little dizzy.” She chuckled, her voice strained from the pain radiating up her jaw and numbing the area around it. She turned to face Bucky, her hand carefully touching the swollen bump. “Does it look bad?”

Yeah.

“No.” He lied. “It looks alright.”

“Liar.” She could see straight through him, of course. She always could. “Oh man, and Tony’s birthday party is this weekend.”

“That’s five days away.” Bucky tried to remain hopeful.

She looked over at him, her eyes hooded and her eyebrows raised high, circulating the area where he had punched her. “By the sheer agony I’m in right now, I can tell this isn’t going to go away in five days.”

“I’m sorry…” He pleaded and she dropped her sarcastic attitude, feeling bad for the poor guy.

“I know you are. It’s okay. I’ve had worse. Remember when I got shot in the damn hand in Serbia? When I had to drive the car to the hospital with that hand, the gear lever nearly went through the bullet hole.”

He chuckled after seeing her smile at the brutal recall of a mission two years prior.

“Or when you went two weeks in pain because you thought your body was “healing slowly”, when in reality you had a completely broken arm?” He remembered and she nodded, quietly chuckling before suddenly closing her eyes, grabbing his hand. She pulled it towards her jaw and held it still over, leaning into it whilst still not looking.

Bucky watched in admiration as she dozed off for a few seconds in the comfort of his touch.

“Alright. I’m gonna call this a day. It’s getting late, I think. You must have punched my sense of time out of me.” She smiled and broke loose from him, heading for the gym door slowly.

“Maybe sleeping isn’t that good of an idea? You could have a concussion!” He warned, worried about her health truthfully.

“Don’t think so highly of yourself.” She joked, making it seem as if giving her a concussion had been something Bucky had strived for. He wanted to oblige and take her to Bruce, or anyone else that might be awake at two in the morning and have the skill to properly help her. “So goodnight, or good morning, or whatever.”

The door slammed shut behind her, leaving Bucky alone in the gym, feeling more guilty than ever.


He was sat at the kitchen table, eating the scrambled eggs which surprisingly enough, Vision had cooked. Steve sat across Bucky, Peter beside Steve, and Tony and Natasha on both short ends when Y/N came sulking down.

“Good morning- Jesus Christ.” Steve gasped as he got a look of her. “What happened to your face?”

The entire left side of her jaw was covered in a rich, purple bruise. As she smiled, she clearly did so more on the right side than the other. “Why don’t you ask Mr. I-Have-A-Metal-Arm?” She said, pointing to a Bucky.

“I’m so sorry.” Bucky repeated and she tried to smile wider but winced, letting it fall back.

“I know, Buck. Heard you the first, hundred, times.” She attempted to reassure him although it had little effect. “You better buy me something amazing to cover this up tho.”

“I don’t think anything can cover that up. That’s brutal.” Natasha said, her nose scrunching up in slight disgust at the vicious color of Y/N’s jaw.

“Thanks.” Y/N sighed, rolling her eyes, and taking a seat by the table. Vision left the stove and came to her aid with a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. “And an honest thank you to you, Vis.”

“You want some ice for that?” Tony tried to help as Y/N grabbed the chilled glass of orange juice in front of her and held it against her jaw. She shook her head subtly and shut her tired eyes, propping her elbows on the table and leaning her head against her free hand.

“I’m good.” She said and pulled herself together, opening her eyes widely to wake up and taking a sip of the orange juice already by her mouth. “I’ll avoid training sessions with Bucky for awhile though.”

“I’m s-”

“Cut it. I’m alive, aren’t I? Still breathing. Heart’s still pumping.” She said and shoved a fork full of bacon in her mouth. The breakfast carried on, following up with an overly large glass of chocolate milk on Y/N’s part. They all chatted, bickering as usual, before everyone retreated to their own corner of the Tower  to continue their days separately.

As Y/N made it to her room, there were two knocks on the door. She didn’t have to guess who it was. She knew it was Bucky and she knew he would try to apologize once more.

She pulled the door open and barely had time to confirm it was him before a pair of soft lips crashed upon hers. She staggered backwards and Bucky broke loose, eyes blown wide. “Let me take you out to dinner, as an apology for punching you.”

“And you had to kiss me to ask me out!?” She questioned, out of breath. Bucky shrugged.“

“No, I just wanted to.” He said like it was the most normal thing in the world to walk around kissing.

“Well damn…” She closed the space again and savored another kiss, sighing in relief. She tried to not cause herself too much pain, letting him do most of the moving.

“I’m-”

“Don’t you dare say that word one more time or I swear to god I’ll punch your jaw.” She threatened and he chuckled, lips hovering in front of hers.

“It wouldn’t leave as much as a scratch.” His lips curled around hers, tasting the sweetness lingering to them.

“You’re so cocky, you know that? It’s tiring.”

BTS react to overstimulating their Girlfriend

A/N: Yesss I love reactions like this, and I love overstimulation. Two of my favourite things ;) also overstimulation hurts for some people, but is also very pleasurable for others, so I tried to have both in the mix :)

Requested: Yes

Warnings: NSFW          

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Dissociating and How to Bring Yourself Back

If you find yourself dissociating for any reason, find a textured object, feel it, and describe it to yourself or someone else like you’re the first person to ever touch it. You could stand on carpet or grass barefoot or hold something cold to your skin. If you have a pet, try to notice all the small details or marking on their face and feel the texture of their coat/scales/feathers. Really focus on describing the small details of how it feels, and breathe.

Doing this grounds you. It changes your thought process and brings you out of the dissociative state. Make sure the feeling is not painful or uncomfortable, and breathe deeply through your stomach while doing this. When we’re stressed or anxious we tend to hold our breath. Focusing on breathing and how it feels to breathe will also help bring you out of it.

My therapist says dissociation is a normal reaction to trauma. Our brain gets overloaded with emotion and, aided with low oxygen levels from holding our breath, our consciousness withdraws. Normal, however, does not mean good, and being present and grounded is important for recovery. 

We can get through this. Your trauma is not who you are.
You are healing, not broken.

The kindest Queen, My Queen. (ThranduilXReader)

Request for @amralimedeano​;  Hiya! I have a request, I’d like an Imagine where the reader is Thranduil’s wife but she is the opposite when it comes to personality. She is soft and kind with everyone. So, the thing is the dwarves arrive to *Mirkwood bc they need somewhere to sleep and Thranduil wants to kick them out but then the Reader appears (being as majestic as Galadriel for example) and lets them stay and Bofur develops a crush on her and she notices and smiles at him and wishes him luck for the journey. Pls?

Hope you like this.

Word Count: 1087

You walk up the stairs towards your husband, Thranduil who sat alone on his throne. A delicate smile pulls against his soft lips and his arms open to welcome you into his arms.

Smiling, you let him pull you close and gently settle on his lap. Thranduil sighs in delight and buries his face into your hair. Giggling slightly you tease your precious husband; “You willingly show affection in front of your guards, your highness?”

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Sweet Dreams (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Word Count: 1,500+

Summary: Reader feels left out from the Avengers and Bucky helps her, then she helps Bucky.

Warnings: Mentions of PTSD, Anxiety and Depression, Nightmares, Social anxiety, panic attacks.

“Hey Nat, could you help me-“.

“No.” She said sternly, cutting me off.

“But I-“.

“No. I’m not going to help you with whatever bullshit you need, okay?” She mocked, huffing off.

Great, way to start off my day.

Why was she mad at me? 

All I wanted was for her to help me out with training and then hang out with me or something, I knew that I was new, but I just wanted to make some friends- I’ve never really been good with the whole friends thing and this sets the bar pretty low.


I tried as hard as I could to shrug off the incident with Nat, it didn’t really work, but the keyword here was tried.

Crying wasn’t an option, they’d all just laugh at me, I had to stay strong- for myself, not them.

Steve and Sam walked in, both sweaty from their jog “Uh.. Guys? Do you think that maybe I could jog with you tomorrow?” I asked gleefully.

Sam laughed as though I had just said the worlds funniest joke “oh, that… it wasn’t a joke?”.

Steve was silent and although he elbowed Sam, a smile was plastered on his face; They laughed down the hallway, making jokes about me.

Maybe this whole ‘Avengers’ thing wasn’t right for me…


Tony was holding a huge party, he didn’t consider the fact that I hated parties and they freaked me out, sure I could act fine and actually be social in small parties, but tony had invited so many people it was ridiculous; to put it bluntly, I was dying inside.

I was really flipping anxious, I approached tony, who- with his female army were blocking the exit “Tony, could you please move?” I asked, as politely as I could in the current situation.

The girls around him laughed at a joke he was saying “Tony? Could you move please?!” I said with more urgency, as I tried to push through but got shoved back. 

No one would care, none of the Avengers even noticed me… I knew I hadn’t met Clint, Pietro or Wanda, but if this was anything to go by I didn’t want to.

“Please, please, let me through- I need… fresh air!” I gasped.

Panic overcame me and all my breath got sucked up into my lungs, I was going to pass out.

This was in fact the last straw.

“ANTHONY HOWARD STARK, COULD YOU PLEASE LET ME THROUGH!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, I could tell Tony was trying to get on my nerves, because not only did he not budge, he also acknowledged my presence.

“Tony, could you move outta the way before I ram my metal fist into your skull” a deep, strained voice boomed from behind me.

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