also known as planet of feels

Shawn Jackson and Hasse Bernfield, better known as Whit and Slug.  These two are Nana’s adopted grandsons, and certified little shits– ESPECIALLY Whit.  Both of them have spent most of their lives on the planet too.

Whit came to the planet with their (rich) family to live in one of the colony.  They got their nickname because of the old Whitworth rifle they carried around: it’s a family heirloom and they would always brag that they would inherit it and use it one day.  They’re kind of annoying, 110% sass, and a joker.  It was them who told Nana all that dumb shit that she totally believes.

Slug’s parents died in a mining accident and he became a bit of an outcast in the community.  He wouldn’t let anyone near him and ended up bullying kids out of food and money.  When he tried to steal from Whit, an outcast in their own right, they became fast friends.  He got his name from his weapon of choice: the shotgun.

Also Whit is totally pining for Slug.

We here at Cracked know a thing or two thousand about social anxiety. So if you find your face pressed to your phone, reading this column purely in an attempt to avoid conversation with the people around you, know that we sympathize. But you should also know that we have some products in the Cracked Dispensary and the Cracked Store that can probably help you.

Swiss army knives are known for having a tool for any situation, and this pocket-sized katana is no exception. Made from high-grade titanium with a stainless steel blade that stays rust-free, you can rest assured that your knife will always cut smoothly and your Kill Bill references will always stay plentiful. And if owning a mini Hattori Hanzo isn’t enough to make you feel like a badass wherever you go, then nothing on this planet will.

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Okay no but

Yavin 4 is Poe’s home planet so no matter what he definitely knows all the stories about cassian andor, and then some. His parents probably told him them when he went to sleep and he has at least 2 (more like 10) posters of cassian andor, he even takes them to D'Qar with him (because cassian is his inspiration and also his first crush let’s be honest here guys)

But Finn was taught a warped version of the rebellion, wouldn’t have known about bodhi rook. One day, Poe realises Finn seems down and asks if he’s okay and Finn explains that he feels hopeless and doesn’t know what to do because he knows what the first order can do, and doesn’t know how to help. So Poe tells him about bodhi rook, and how he defected from the empire, and was essential to the rebellion in their time of need, and of his courage facing the enemy he knew so well, and that he sees the same courage in Finn, so Finn goes and learns all about bodhi rook and realises that he can do this, he has that same courage and the same hatred of the enemy, and also that its the small actions that sometimes carry the most impact in a rebellion

The Zodiac Meets Chinese Face Reading: Speculation

Chinese face reading is an ancient oriental art form based on physical features, used to reveal one’s character, health, and ethnic origin. It is also known as physiognomy.

As far as I’ve read up to this point, I know that the forehead represents intelligence and wisdom, the cheeks represent emotion, and the chin & jaw represent aggression and assertiveness. The eyes are supposedly associated with leadership qualities & expression of feelings, the nose is associated with wealth, the ears with luck, and the mouth with elegance & charm.

I imagine that the Ascendant, the Ascendant’s ruling planet, planets in the first house, and planets in aspect to the Ascendant go hand-in-hand with subjects like Chinese face reading, so here are a few of the connections I’ve made.

(Planets in the tenth house and the Venus sign may also play a lesser part.)

Fire signs commonly have prominent chins/jaws & eyes.
Earth signs commonly have prominent foreheads & noses.
Air signs commonly have prominent foreheads & ears.
Water signs commonly have prominent cheeks & mouths.
Cardinal signs commonly have prominent chins/jaws.
Fixed signs commonly have more “balanced” features.
Mutable signs commonly have prominent foreheads.

Masculine signs commonly have more prominent chins/jaws than Feminine, though Fire signs have more prominent cheeks than Air, and Air have more prominent foreheads than Fire. Likewise, Earth signs have more prominent foreheads than Water, and Water have more prominent cheeks than Earth.

Individuals with notable Aries/Mars influence tend to have very pronounced jaws, protruding or square chins, and sharp eyes (both in shape & expression).
Individuals with notable Taurus/Venus influence tend to have large & plump lips, round eyes, pronounced cheeks, and square but averagely defined jaws.
Individuals with notable Gemini/Mercury influence tend to have thinner lips, large & defined foreheads, small but prominent ears, and large eyes.
Individuals with notable Cancer/Moon influence tend to have round faces, large eyes, plump lips, very prominent cheeks, and smaller foreheads.
Individuals with notable Leo/Sun influence tend to have prominent jaws, large or otherwise remarkably pronounced eyes, and well-formed lips.
Individuals with notable Virgo/Mercury influence tend to have smaller eyes, thinner lips, very well-defined & prominent foreheads, and either very small & round or very large, defined, pronounced noses with thinner bridges.
Individuals with notable Libra/Venus influence tend to have well-defined foreheads, prominent & graceful lips, nice cheekbones (although the cheeks themselves are rarely very pronounced), larger ears, and thinner noses.
Individuals with notable Scorpio/Mars/Pluto influence tend to have very prominent chins/jaws/cheeks, and smaller but very sharp eyes.
Individuals with notable Sagittarius/Jupiter influence tend to have square jaws, larger foreheads, large & round eyes, possibly crooked noses, prominent ears with large earlobes, and less prominent cheeks but high cheekbones.
Individuals with notable Capricorn/Saturn influence tend to have remarkably large/defined/straight/high noses, square jaws, small but sharp eyes, possibly prominent ears, thin lips, possibly high cheekbones and/or prominent cheeks.
Individuals with notable Aquarius/Saturn/Uranus influence tend to have smaller eyes, large & prominent foreheads, higher noses, and thinner lips.
Individuals with notable Pisces/Jupiter/Neptune influence tend to have VERY large & prominent foreheads, large & round eyes, small but plump lips, pronounced cheeks with usually low cheekbones, and large/prominent ears.


Jon, your mom is a very accomplished person. A very, ummm…cool person. Like, you know she spent the last few years writing books? And before you were born, she was known as one of the best reporters in the world. Her work changed lives for the better. And her curiosity, energy, spark and intellect not only made her special, but helped her make you special. It’s part of what has shaped you into the person you are. If mom goes back to work and feels more fulfilled as a person, it doesn’t mean she loves you less. Clark wanted me to do what was best for me. He knows I love Jon and him. He also knows I loved every minute I spent working at The Daily Planet. As far as I’m concerned, it was the best job in the world. It’s a key part of who I am. Action Comics #966

7 Facts That Will Make You Feel Very Small

Earth, our home planet, is the fifth largest planet in our solar system and the only planet we know of where life exists. Even though Earth seems extremely large to us, it is actually a tiny spec in the vast expanse of the universe. Here are 7 space facts that will make you feel very small.

1. Our sun is one of at least 100 BILLION stars, just in the Milky Way. Scientists calculate that there are at least 100 billion galaxies in the observable universe, each one brimming with stars. There are more stars than grains of sand on all of Earth’s beaches combined. 

In 1995, the first planet beyond our solar system was discovered. Now, thousands of planets orbiting sun-like stars have been discovered, also known as exoplanets.

2. The Milky Way is a huge city of stars, so big that even at the speed of light (which is fast!), it would take 100,000 years to travel across it.

3. Roughly 70% of the universe is made of dark energy. Dark matter makes up about 25%. The rest — everything on Earth, everything ever observed with all of our instruments, all normal matter adds up to less than 5% of the universe.

4. If the sun were as tall as a typical front door, Earth would be the size of a nickel.

5. The sun accounts for almost all of the mass in our solar system. Leaving .2% for all the planets and everything else.

6. Edwin Hubble discovered that the Universe is expanding and that at one point in time (14 billion years ago) the universe was all collected in just one point of space.

7. Four American spacecraft are headed out of our solar system to what scientists call interstellar space. Voyager 1 is the farthest out — more than 11 billion miles from our sun. It was the first manmade object to leave our solar system. Voyager 2, is speeding along at more than 39,000 mph, but will still take more than 296,000 years to pass Sirius, the brightest star in our night sky.

Feeling small yet? Here’s a tool that will show you just how tiny we are compared to everything else out there:

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A few days ago NASA announced that the largest moon in the solar system, Jupiter’s Ganymede, contains a huge, subsurface and saltwater ocean. Ganymede is larger even than the planet Mercury: an global ocean there could potentially be gargantuan.

This conclusion was reached thanks to new data on the moon from the Hubble Space Telescope.

This is utterly remarkable. There are now three places (Europa, Enceladus and Ganymede) with known oceans of liquid water other than Earth.

We’re starting to get a feel for how common liquid water is - it seems to be much more common than previously assumed.

If liquid water is fundamentally what it takes for life to begin than perhaps life is also much more common than we realize.

(Image credit: NASA/JPL)

Houses in the Natal Chart

The houses can be thought of as different sides of your personality- the way we act in different situations. As Kim Rogers-Gallagher put it: “Think of the houses as 12 rooms in one big house. The house is you, and the rooms are ‘pieces’ or ‘sides’ of your personality.” The lines that separate the houses from each other are called House Cusps, and can be thought of as ‘doors’ that precede each house. The sign that rules the House cusp, or the ‘door’, indicates what style we act in when we are using that particular house. The Natal planets that live in each house bring extra attention to that house in a person’s Natal chart.

First House: Also known as the ascendant, this is the house that represents your surface appearance. The mask you wear and willingly show to the world. It is the part of us that we feel comfortable displaying to the outside. It also has impact on our physical appearance.

Second House: The things you value and need in order to feel secure. This house governs our possessions and also our relationship with money. This house represents what you think you deserve and what you think you are worth.

Third House: This is the house that depicts your styles of communication, learning, and assimilation of the outside world. This is also the “auto-pilot” of your personality, the part of you that acts unconsciously and performs automatically. It governs our habits and routines. Memory and cognitive processes are also ruled by this house.

Fourth House: Also known as the IC, the fourth house governs your past, the foundation of who are (your emotional roots), and family. This is the most private of all the houses- it is where we return to when we are in unfamiliar territory or scared. It is in charge of our instincts and interpretation of personal security. Family relationships and nurturing are aspects of this house.

Fifth House: This is the light-hearted side of you that comes out when you choose to do something you enjoy. Who you are when you are doing what you love and having a good time. This house also governs our romance- how we treat our significant other and fun sexuality- as well as our styles of rearing children. This is the house of personal creativity; it is the part of us that we take pride in.

Sixth House: This is the house of work. It describes what you “do” and how you function in work. It also signifies our natural skills and abilities that can benefit our working life. It is the side of us that sticks to routine and stays true to our duties. It also is the house of health. It can signify health issues as well as points of healthiness.

Seventh House: Also known as the descendant, this is the part of us that appears when we are relating to just one other person. This house is especially influential in long-term committed relationships; as well as revealing to us what we search for in a perfect mate. This side can also emerge when dealing with equals, such as enemies. Generally, people do not like their persona of the seventh house and that is why they make enemies of similar traits.

Eighth House: This is the house of our inner power and drive. This part of you comes out when you are in crisis; as Kim Rogers-Gallagher put it: in “agony or ecstasy.” This house also governs death, letting go, and regeneration after a loss. It is where your true, real power lies. It also governs sex drive and the act of sex as a  profound merging, rather than a fun experience like the fifth house.

Ninth House: This is the house of travel, learning, and growth. It is how you escape from routines. It is the part of you that forms opinions, your inner philosopher, the curious part of you that craves exploration. It is your journey of becoming more open-minded and seeing the world from different perspectives.

Tenth House: Also known as the MC, this is the house of our career, our social status, and out purpose. It is the least hidden house of ours. It is where we take authority, we have reputation, and how we make a name for ourselves. It is concerned with public recognition.

Eleventh House: This is the house of friendships, groups, and basically the company that we keep. It displays the categories that we choose to put ourselves in. It is where we join together with others to reach a common goal. It is establishing a group identity. This house also governs humanitarian work.

Twelfth House: Finally, this is the house of you. The house you exemplify when you withdraw to yourself to recuperate. This is the private part of yourself, your secrets, what you do when you are alone. It is also our house that has to do with transcendence and sacrifice. It is here where we learn to become truly self-less.

I just want to write. Feel my fingers on the keyboard. I want a type-writer. It feels more intriguing to write on one than on a keyboard. How pretentious. I think I have always been very pretentious, but also over-analytical of myself and my personality. Constantly having identity-issues and trying to find my true self. Maybe a true self never existed in the first place. My identity is probably just a human illusion trying to figure out why I am here. So why does some feelings feel so genuine and infinite and universal that I can’t stop trusting them? Like the fact that I have always known aliens exists, or that I am not from this planet. That I am a soul trapped in a human body. It all sounds ridiculous, pretentious and pathetic when I write it down or say it out loud, but inside of me, these emotions and thoughts are real. They have been real as long as I can remember; I knew when I was a small, small, very small child that it was true. Intuition and inner knowledge is generally rejected in society, and those who follow their inner truth are judged as insane or wannabe spiritual shit, and people think they just lie to themselves or have hallucinations because they “wanna find meaning” or something. But how can I reject a truth I have known ever since I was born? How can I reject something that is so clear to me, crystal clear, clearer than the world around me? The physical world around me is very often blurry to me, I often have tunnel vision and lack of physical sensation, like I barely ever notice anything around me or details and have a hard time maneuvring the physical world with my body. I often feel out of control of my body. Maybe that has caused me to focus the most on my mind and imagination, which is why the dream world feels more real than the physical world.


the 10th house is a multitude of the notable but one of the most distinguished roles that is played is that of our own reputation. we become known for this planet’s energy and are therefore expected to adhere to this while also being who we aspire to be; the planets that occupy a house of such stature feel they have very little room for mistakes. the 11th house is what we receive, while 10th house is what we’re known for, the 11th house is the manifestation of just how well we’re known - its the ‘fame’ of it all, if you will, the support we receive. i spoke before that 10th/11th house planets are tricky and it is because of these notions. what if we don’t live up to our 10th house and all that resides there? what if we aren’t receiving the support we need in order to provide to what resides in our 11th house?