also it's late and i don't even know

McHanzo Week, day 1 - first time;
The First Time They Hold Hands™

I ! am ! finally ! done ! This was one of those were you go, eh, I’ll start it, I’ll doubt I’ll finish it, but whatever. So here’s Anders, kudos to @timesorceror again, for making this a thing.

Sunday Six

Shamelessly stealing @atisenia‘s “six sentences on a Sunday” tradition to bring you a tidbit of what I have been steadily pulling my hair over in the last, oh, three or four weeks: 

Hermann is looking at the light tremor in Newton’s hands, at way his chest rises and falls to the rhythm of an increasingly shallow breath; at the way he closes his eyes, tries to steady his breathing, fails, bites his lips, runs his hands through his hair, lets out a deep breath and clenches his fist around the messy black strand. The tremor is now spreading to the rest of his limbs.
Hermann puts his chalk away and gets down his ladder.

They’ve gone through this before. Not enough sleep, too much caffeine.
In a way, they’re always going through this. Not enough hope, too much pressure.

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Johndave week - Day 4: Hurt/Comfort

Haha shit I’m late?? I haven’t done comics in literal years soooo. Yeah, this is something I think about in terms of John quite a lot. I can’t help but think it might bug him a lot now and then, even if he fixed a timeline, and when confronted he might lash out. Also, bonus pic;

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final fantasy type-0 personality types:

№15. Rem Tokimiya (insp.)

Happy Lappy semi-speed paint. One day I will learn how to paint properly, but I at least had to do something in celebration for the latest episode, I’ve waited so long to have her back and see her smile. She’s finally a free bird <3

it deeply saddens we when people attribute Rory’s uncertainty regarding her academic life to Logan… yes she was dating him at the time but she was in her 20s and faced her first actual rejection at the end of her internship of course she started doubting herself. but it wasn’t because Logan wasn’t there for her or Logan discouraged her in any way or Logan made her an irresponsible person. stop thinking that Rory was influenced by her boyfriends to this extent… she is her own person - she is independent, strong and can make decisions on her own… Logan had nothing to do with her leaving yale. give her some credit, Rory is not defined by her relationships.

I WAS ABOUT TO GO TO BED.
I DECIDED TO CHECK MY FOLLOWERS REALLY QUICK BEFORE BED.
THEN I SAW THIS.
I’M DEAD GUYS.
@askthefallenhuman IS FOLLOWING ME.
ME??????????????
IM SCREAMING

I don’t even know you guys…

It’s the smell of smoke that’s bugging him.

Oliver picks up his phone to check for new messages, zero, and fiddles with it in his hand. He’s a little keyed up; he’s been a little keyed up for a while now. He clicks play on the video again and the local news theme chimes out of the tablet speakers. He aims for detached as he watches the segment again. It’s his sixth time through and he’s not sure what he’s hoping will be different this time around.

The solemn reporter explains that they found the body of Connor’s boss’s husband. His body was burned and disfigured. Separated into trash bags and thrown out with the rest of the garbage to end up in a landfill. The victim had been reported missing weeks ago. The police are actively investigating and have no suspects they’d like to announce at this time. Everyone is still being considered.

Oliver remembers the victim had been reported missing the day Connor showed up on his doorstep tweaking out. The office calling him into work to help handle the burgeoning crisis had been what pulled Connor away before the two of them had a chance to talk. What an unfortunate twist of timing.

Oliver remembers how the scent of smoke lingered in his apartment and the hallway for hours after Connor left. He’d had to wash the set of towels Connor used twice to get the trace of firewood and ash and something else that Oliver couldn’t quite place out of the cotton. He hadn’t thought anything of it at the time. Everyone knew it was the night of the Middleton bonfire and everyone who wasn’t a nineteen-year-old college student also knew to give the blocks that make up Middleton a wide berth on that night.  Connor didn’t strike Oliver as the school spirit type but still Connor could have stopped by. It wasn’t totally out of the realm of possibility. It was horrible that the victim’s body had been burned the same night of the Middleton bonfire. What a terrible coincidence.  

Oliver remembers hacking into the Department of Transportation database to help Connor in proving the victim could have been in Philly that fall night in time to kill that poor girl. He’d handed over the information with little fanfare but Connor had been suitably impressed. “Jesus Oliver. Is there anything you can’t hack?” “Quite a number of things I imagine.” “I know but—I mean—what about— like traffic cameras?” “You don’t think the tolls are going to be enough evidence?” “No—not for this case. Just in general, do you think you could hack into a traffic camera—for like fun or something?” Oliver’d been puzzled at that. What an odd question.

Alone, none of this means anything, he tells himself. Hell, none of it put together means anything. But still… It’s the smoke. He can’t get that smell of smoke out of his nose.

And now Connor isn’t answering his texts or calls. Connor, who once texted Oliver from the table on the middle of a date to ‘Hurry it up’ getting their next round from the bar, is avoiding him.

It’s all just a little strange, he thinks as he calls Connor’s cell again. Hanging up as the voicemail message starts (he’s already left three messages that have gone unanswered, what’s the point of leaving another one), Oliver pushes replay on the news segment and watches it all again.

Just a little strange.

do u know how startling it is to see ur own posts reblogged onto ur dash. like yo it feels really good to see other people enjoy ur content but it’s also rough bc you’re reminded of your sins from the past

ok so its late and i hate myself and i was reading the ace discourse because i hate myself:

wtf does “aces are valid but not lgbtq+” even mean. like what do you mean by “”“valid”“”? also if im not fucking het or straight or whateverthefuck why am i still somehow not lgbt? please explain

(also why the fucj would you put that shit in the ace positivity tag??? jfc)

relatedly: the split attraction model is terrible because it’s a useful framing for some people but treated as a universal thing that everyone should subscribe to. @ aces: can we please, as a community, stop doing this

also relatedly: the privileged/oppressed binary is also a blunt instrument that isn’t really nuanced enough for this discourse, the experiences of gay people and trans people and ace people are similar in some ways and different in others, i bet i could pick a gay and an ace that have experienced much more similar oppression than a gay and another gay or an ace and another ace, and to iron out those differences (spoiler alert: people are messy and this is never gonna work) people attempt to use “structural oppression”. which again maybe this is just me being bad at vague concepts that cannot specifically be described in terms of their impact on an actual human, but what does this mean? laws? social conventions?

also i fully support anyone that finds it useful to identify as ace, but if you identify as ace and live your life functionally indistinguishably from a straight person, that identification doesn’t seem super useful to you and is also pretty far from what i would consider the central example of an asexual, and i super don’t wanna police anyone’s identity but this is also what makes it difficult to say things like “all aces are lgbt” because if it walks like a straight and quacks like a straight…

but then otoh you get people like “cishet aces are inherently not lgbt” and idk here’s where the split attraction model gets fucky because this includes a sex-repulsed ace who is technically heteroromantic but also intensely squicked out by straight people assuming they’re also straight and at the same time an ace that feels their ace identity is an important part of them but who also has a lot of straight sex with their monogamous straight significant other etc. etc.

also since we’re fighting to end oppression of lgbtq+ people, why in the fuck is the oppression olympics even a factor in deciding whether aces should be included

on a tangent, i fucking hate how people say seemingly reasonable things like “cishets arent lgbt” and it secretly means “cishet aces arent lgbt” (because there’s like a really important word there? aces? a cishet ace is not the same thing as a garden variety cishet? because they’re ace?) and apart from anything else it reminds me of “men arent allowed in spaces for women” which secretly means “trans women are men and need to be kept away from cis women”

also on a tangent i feel like being ace (and therefore not being a standard flavor sexuality) and being gay (which is also not a standard flavor sexuality) are more similar than being gay and being trans? idk man the community is like this for weird historical reasons and it’s not like people were ever included in the first place through Logical Reasoning and Sensibility (and also aces have been here from the beginning fuck you)

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I think I can speak for everyone when I say that 2016 was quite an experience… But even though a lot of fucked up things happened in the world that brought me down, for me personally 2016 turned out to be good.

Last year my life changed a lot after a very difficult and scary decision I made, but I can say that since then I’m truly the happiest I’ve been for years. I’ve began to open up to people more often, put myself as my first priority and most importantly started living again.

There were many challenges I had to face and decisions that had to be made that weren’t easy most of the times, but I did it. I survived another year full of tears and emotional breakdowns over the weirdest things and ended 2016 surrounded by my friends with a smile on my face that wasn’t forced at all.

At this point I would also like to give a big shoutout my friends that helped me through those tough times if knowingly or not… Some that I’ve known for years and still love as much as I did in the very beginning ( @givemelovexxx ). And some that I only got to know last year but that I really couldn’t imagine my life without anymore ( @itsirens ). Thanks for tagging along with me, I know that it hasn’t always been easy but just know that I truly love you with all of my heart ❤️.

2016 was difficult at times yes, but I’ve grown so much in the past year and I really can’t wait for the memories that will be made in 2017!

The other day, I was talking to a friend about D Gray Man (because that’s what I do best) and after a little while, it kinda hit me that, if you tell the story as it is, it isn’t a happy story.

I mean, sure we joke about how sad and tragic the story is, and it is true. But yet, if we read the story, we also know there’s a lot of light hearted  moments, really fun parts and overral, always a good feeling to it. 

Yet in a way those elements seems a bit absent if you focus on telling the story straight forward with just the events that happen. It seems unreal that there’s actually as much light hearted moments when you hear some of the basics dilema and storylines. 

So I was kind of thinking about what was making the light moments work, why, even by being hit by the tragic of the situations, we have such a good feeling reading this manga, why the tragedy doesn’t wear us off. 

And in the end it all comes down to the characters who are extremely self aware of the tragedy around them and decided to hold on together still. 

The comedy, the good moments, they come from when the characters just focus on each others, to care about one another. In the end, that’s the scene where Lavi, Lenalee,Allen and Chaoji discuss of what they’re going to do when they’re in the Ark that describe it the best. They refuse to give up to the tragedy and they’re going to still laugh about it, still going to care about one another. 

And in a way it is so positive and heartwarming. In a way it’s where dgm truly works - without shying away from the drama, it gives us a lot of safe moments in the manga in order to rest, to recover with our characters, and all is due to the bonds they all create together. 

It’s always amazing to appreciate. 

squeaks makes a list

well golly gosh, i’ve never done this before so i don’t know if its working or not, but heres my amazon wishlist, mostly replacing some of what i lost, the EVA foam is to replace laslow’s shield, and the rest is just general cosplay makeup!  

https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/3UKVDJA11MN9F/ref=cm_wl_huc_view

anything helps, I’m already out 3,000 dollars from this robbery, and at times like this i turn to cosplay to alleviate my stress, but i can’t do much without my makeup, so anything you guys help me with, makes the impact of all this that much smaller 

these are all the essentials, i might update it later, but for now i just want to get a foundation so i can work on building up my cosplay makeup supply again

squeaks thanks you all for supporting me though this so much already, squeaksquad always comes through  ;-;