also i was super amused that the reporter who asked about it was male

To Gravity Falls, From Piedmont: Chapter 27

Summary: It’s a long way until next summer. Until then, Dipper and Mabel share their daily antics and life problems with their lifelong friends and attentive great-uncles through an endless string of e-mails. Distance makes the heart grow fonder after all, and there’s no place Dipper and Mabel love more than Gravity Falls. 


                                                      Chapter List


To: Wendy Corduroy (Lumberchick); Grenda Gosling (Hugsx0x0); Candy Chiu (SweetasSugar88); Pacifica Northwest (GravityFallsPrincess)

From: Mabel Pines (ShootingStarRainbowUnicorn)

Subject: School assignment

Hey!

Remember a couple of days ago, when I asked you guys what you thought of me for a school report? Well, I’m asking again, only this time I want to know what your opinion is of Dipper! He’s asked all the guys but refuses to ask you girls, which is totally biased. Since he’s being a dork about it, I decided to ask on his behalf! So fire away!

Much love,

Mabel


Stretching her arms over her head as she watched her e-mail disappear into cyberspace, Mabel stood up from the computer chair. She ventured out of her bedroom and went into the living room, where Dipper had taken over the coffee table. He was currently reading through a notebook, brow furrowed in a mixture of amusement and frustration.

“What’s up, bro?”

“I can’t use these!” Dipper exclaimed, holding out the notebook for his sister to read.

Written in his handwriting was a collection of quotes from their friends. Mabel bit down on her bottom lip to keep her laughter from escaping, as they were mostly various synonyms for the word ‘nerd’. “I guess they weren’t taking it seriously?” she managed to say.

“Robbie and Gideon? Apparently not,” he grumbled, grabbing his phone and typing a text to the aforementioned males. “Soos and McGucket were really nice, but these two are just messing with me. How am I supposed to compile enough material for this assignment if they won’t cooperate?”

“You know they love you.”

“I’m tempted to argue that point,” returned Dipper, though he smiled. “What did they say about you?”

“Robbie said I was a suffocating ray of glittery sunshine and Gideon said I was an angel who did not deserve to walk amongst regular people.”

Dipper stared at her for a moment. “Well, at least Robbie said more than two words to you,” he said at last. “And we obviously know I’m not Gideon’s favourite.”

“Any input from Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford?”

Dipper shook his head. “No. Which is kind of surprising. I thought Grunkle Stan would be the first with some sort of smart comeback for this.”

“Darn. I didn’t hear back either.” Mabel lowered onto the end of the couch and rested her chin in her hands. “You think they’ll respond in time? I really wanted to include them in my report.”

“I’m sure they will,” assured Dipper. “They always respond whenever we text, they just might be tied up right now. Fighting some three-eyed monster or whatever. So what did Soos and McGucket say about you?”

“Soos said I was the nicest person he’s ever met,” Mabel smiled happily. “And McGucket said I was so sweet I give him cavities. How about you?”

“Soos said I was the best pterodactyl bro he could ask for and I’m super smart. McGucket said I was clever, kind and should have more confidence in my abilities.”

“We have great friends,” said Mabel contently.

“Well, the jury is still out on Gideon and Robbie,” joked Dipper. As the words left his mouth his phone trilled, indicating a new text in his inbox. He checked the message, lips quirking in amusement. “They decided to make an effort this time. Gideon says I’m annoyingly persistent and determined, but it’s admirable. Robbie’s surprised by how tough I can be, and respects how I’m not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. He still thinks I’m a dork, but a cool dork.”

“What do the girls say about you?” asked Mabel innocently.

Dipper shot her a look. “You know I haven’t asked them, and I’m not going to ask them.”

“Why not? I asked all of our friends! What’s the big deal?”

“I don’t know, I just feel awkward about it! I’ve never asked a girl what they thought of me before, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to hear the answer.”

“You’re taking this too seriously,” said Mabel, unable to keep the amusement out of her voice.

“Story of my life. But I’m still not going to do it.” Dipper reached over to jab at her leg. “Stop pressing.”

Mabel let out a dramatic sigh. “Fine. I’m going to start on my report, then. Good thing it only has to be two pages, or you probably wouldn’t have enough material since you only asked half of your friends.”

“Goodbye, Mabel.”

Smirking, the girl skipped back to her bedroom, jumping into her computer chair and going for a quick spin before checking her e-mail notifications.


Mabel Pines: Remember a couple of days ago, when I asked you guys what you thought of me for a school report? Well, I’m asking again, only this time I want to know what your opinion is of Dipper! He’s asked all the guys but refuses to ask you girls, which is totally biased. Since he’s being a dork about it, I decided to ask on his behalf! So fire away!

Wendy Corduroy: I was wondering why I didn’t get a message from him. I know he can’t be worried about what I’m going to say because he asked Robbie for his opinion.

Grenda Gosling: Yeah, we’ll be nice!

Wendy Corduroy: With a healthy degree of sarcasm.

Candy Chiu: Dipper can be very silly.

Mabel Pines: Tell me about it. He’s never really had any girl friends before, so I guess he’s not really comfortable with hearing what girls might think of him, even if they are his close friends. I thought I’d help him out!

Pacifica Northwest: What exactly is the point of this assignment?

Mabel Pines: Well, first we have to write a page on how we view ourselves and how we think others view us. Then we have to talk to our friends and family and get their opinions to see how they view us. We write up another page and then we have to write a conclusion, comparing the two viewpoints and seeing how similar or different they are.

Wendy Corduroy: Dang. Wish my schoolwork was that easy.

Grenda Gosling: I think Dipper’s a great guy! He’s nice and he doesn’t act like a jerk to be cool and he’s still cool anyway.

Candy Chiu: He isn’t afraid to apologize when he is wrong and he means it. I know if I ever need his help he will give it to me. He’ll hang out with us and do girly things with us, even if he gets embarrassed over it sometimes he does it anyway. He’s not afraid to embrace his feminine side.

Wendy Corduroy: He’s thirteen and yet he’s already way more mature than ninety percent of the guys—and girls, for that matter—at my school. He can hold a meaningful conversation and he can just joke about the most ridiculous things. He’s not afraid to stand up for his friends and family and you can always count on him. He’s also a huge dork, but I love him for it. He’s my bro.

Mabel Pines: Thanks, guys! Dipper will be really happy when I tell him this. Pacifica, I know you have something to add!

Pacifica Northwest: No, not really.

Wendy Corduroy: What’d we say about the Ice Princess routine?

Pacifica Northwest: Ugh. Fine. Dipper’s okay. He helped me out with the whole ghost invasion incident even though he didn’t have to and I probably didn’t deserve it. He’s kinda funny. Doesn’t have much fashion sense, but that can be fixed. He’s got the backbone to tell people off. He’s nice, not fake nice but sincerely nice. But he can be a jerk sometimes which is good because it’s exhausting being around people who don’t know how to be snarky or mean. He can be way too uptight and serious. But all around, yeah, he’s a decent, cute guy.

Wendy Corduroy:

Grenda Gosling:

Candy Chiu:

Mabel Pines: SQUEE

Pacifica Northwest: What?

Pacifica Northwest: NO COOL I MEANT TO SAY COOL

Wendy Corduroy: BUSTED

Candy Chiu: That is what we call a Freudian slip!

Grenda Gosling: I knew it! You like Dipper!

Mabel Pines: I CAN SET YOU UP ON DATE! I’LL BE YOUR MATCHMAKER!

Pacifica Northwest: GO AWAY. It was autocorrected, you dorks! It was supposed to say 'cool’ not 'cute’!“

Wendy Corduroy: I wish I lived closer so I could see how much you’re blushing on a scale of one to ten.

Grenda Gosling: There’s no autocorrect in the e-mail server’s instant messaging!

Pacifica Northwest: Look you got your stupid opinions. Can I go now?

Mabel Pines: Aw, come on, you totally have a crush on Dipper! Admit it!

Dipper Pines: …you think I’m cute?

Wendy Corduroy: Oh snap.

Grenda Gosling: How’d you get in this chat?!

Dipper Pines: Candy tagged me into here a little bit ago. I should have spoken up sooner but…

Pacifica Northwest: I’m leaving.

Pacifica Northwest: And I meant cool, not cute!

Candy Chiu: I think I am going to go find a hiding place. I suspect she is going to come hurt me. I may or may not talk to you later.

Grenda Gosling: Wait until I tell Marius this one!

Wendy Corduroy: This went down a path I was not expecting and I am not displeased by. See you dudes later. Oi, and Dipper, next time you have an assignment like this one you know you can ask me anything, right?

Dipper Pines: I know. I was being, as everyone is correct in saying, a dork. Thank you. You’re my bro, too.

Mabel Pines: …are you mad?

Mabel Pines: Dipper?

When her brother did not reply further, Mabel hesitantly rose from the computer chair and started back for the living room. She peeked around the entryway and found Dipper sitting where she had left him. He was staring blankly into space, a smile on his features and a blush on his cheeks. He seemed to be taking in the fact that Pacifica Northwest thought he was cute, and was currently no longer working.

Mabel ventured further into the room and cautiously poked his shoulder. When she didn’t get a reaction, she grinned and said, "I’ll come check on you in an hour.”

She returned to her bedroom and grabbed her notebook, deciding she better start on her own report. She was just finishing up the intro when her phone trilled in her pocket. “Hello?” she answered.

Hey, pumpkin,” greeted Stan. “Sorry for not getting back to you right away. Hope you still got some space left in your assignment, because Ford and I have quite a bit to say. Is your brother around?”

“Um, yeah, but you might have to talk to him later, or I could relay everything you say.”

Is everything okay?” spoke up Ford.

“Oh yeah, totally. It’s actually amazing. Matchmaker Mabel is back in business!”


To: Pacifica Northwest (GravityFallsPrincess); Wendy Corduroy (Lumberchick); Grenda Gosling (Hugsx0x0); Candy Chiu (SweetasSugar88); Stanford Pines (Highsixer)

From: Stanley Pines (StantheMan)

Subject: Autocorrect my butt

You’re not kidding anyone, Princess. Ask him out already. Just be sure to treat him right or we’ll have to have a talk.


See all messages in this thread (Expand)


Pacifica Northwest: Oh. My. Gosh.

Wendy Corduroy: Ha! You’re never living this one down, Pacifica.

Grenda Gosling: He ships it!

Candy Chiu: I think they would be cute together!

Stanford Pines: Leave her alone, Stanley.

Mabel Pines: Grunkle Stan I told you not to tell her I told you!

Pacifica Northwest: I hate you all. I’m disowning you. I never want to speak to you again.

Grenda Gosling: …are we still on for the sleepover this weekend?

Pacifica Northwest: Yes.

Pacifica Northwest: AND FOR THE LAST TIME, I MEANT TO SAY COOL.

Here's my ring, asshole (Part one)

HELL-oOOo

Oh my god I can’t believe I’m actually posting something. Yeah, so it’s not a complete chapter and it’s only one thing instead of two, but let me explain, okay? I actually have a lot more written down but I can’t think of an ending. There was no smut in the request so I don’t know if socially-awkward-weirdo wants any or nah. So it’s voting time. I will only consider the first 3, maybe 5 ending ideas because I actually want to update soon. Go as crazy as you want. I will definitely appreciate it.

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Request by socially-awkward-weirdo (shoutout, btw to an awesome blog): Hey, can I please have an Andy Biersack imagine where he gets all jealous of me and Ashely just messing around? Thanks :-)

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“Hi, welcome to —” Oh. “Hey, guys,” I smile. Andy never comes to the restaurant when I’m at work. What’s going on? They all nod at me hello.

“Hey. Room for three more?”

“Uh,” I scan the list with the openings. Okay, so table 32 was requested by some rich people but they can go fuck themselves. Last time they were over they tipped me like 10 cents.

“Yeah. Follow me?”

I grab a few menus and two wine lists and turn on my heel, walking towards the back of the room. His friends follow.

“This okay?”

He nods and grins at me and I smile back a little unsettled. They take their seats and I tell them in my fake I-make-a-living-out-of-this-so-you-better-fucking-tip-me voice that someone will be with them shortly and I scatter away, biting my lip. Andy’s acting too innocent. Something’s up.

“Y/N! Get me a coffee, please.”

I roll my eyes at Jena and go to the kitchen. She’s such a bitch. We’re supposed to have equal shifts at hosting but she’s always hanging in the back on her phone, pretending she’s stacking stuff. Well now it’s my turn. The place is gonna be packed soon and I’m planning on taking a break. Knowing that Andy’s here will surely give me two left feet and I hate embarrassing myself.

Once in the kitchen I do pour a cup of coffee but not for the bitch. This one’s for me. I rarely take my coffee black but the sugar is too damn far away. And the cream is all the way in the fridge, in the furthest point from me. So fuck that.

I make a face as the bitter liquid goes down my throat.

“Oi, Pedro! D’we have any of those sweet tarts ready?”

“Nope!”

“Dude, come on. Kinda having a bad day here?”

“Fifteen minutes, chica.”

“Gracias.”

Yeah, so I’m in my winter break but I’m pretty sure I flunked that last exam. Who the hell cares about World history? Like I’m pretty sure we’re not gonna be under a Mongol attack any time soon. If my grade goes down just one point I’ll be stuck with a C after months of work to get it up at least a low B.

Fucking Mongol attacks.

“Y/N!”

I sigh as one of the waitresses storms up to me. “What?”

“Andy Biersack is here.”

“Huh.” Took her long enough. Should I play like we’re not currently dating or act like a mega slut?

“Yeah. I know.”

“‘Yeah, I know?!’ What the fuck, why aren’t you rushing out to go see?”

“Because I’m pretty sure he wants a quiet night without any annoying bitches drooling on his face.”

“Ouch. That hurt.”

“Yeah, well my head hurts from having this conversation.” I grab a basket and toss it at her. “Here, go give him some bread and butter.”

I will never understand why people like eating bread and butter before a main course. Gives them something to do, I guess.

I drink the rest of the coffee wishing it was tequila and jump up on a counter, going over tonight’s floor plan. There’s a party of 25 people coming over at 10:30pm which makes me frown.

Why the fuck do people do this? If you know the place closes at fucking 11:00pm don’t come a half an hour before. Like seriously? I might want to do something else than smile at you two hours after closing time, like sleep.

It’s gonna be a long night.

“Here, Y/N.”

I look up to see Pedro with a plate full of those delicious cream tarts. I grin and settle in, munching happily and browsing 9gag. I giggle at the occasional dick joke.

“Y/N!”

I growl and look up. Jena’s frowning at me.

“What do you want?” I snap.

“Are you fucking serious? The place is full and you’re just sitting here?”

One of her false lashes is unattached in the corner so it’s pretty hard to actually concentrate on what she’s saying. Maybe she’ll get fired for indecency.

“Nope. I’m actually being super productive,” I mumble while stuffing another tart in my mouth. Damn these are good.

“Can I have one?”

“Ask Pedro.”

She tries to grab one but I shift out of reach.

“Dammit, Y/N!”

“Ask Pedro.”

“Pedro!”

“Yeah?”

“Canna have some cream tarts?”

“Ask Y/N!”

I grin, happy to be the chef’s favorite.

“The answer is no, bitch.”

“Whatever, ho. I don’t need any cellulite anyway so you’re doing me a favor.”

Cellulite can be her middle name considering how much she has.

She turns to leave.

“Oh, table 32 requested that you take care of them.”

“What?” I choke.

“Yeah. Now get your fat ass up before I report you for ditching on the job.”

Did she just call my ass fat? That’s ironic since she’s like five times my size.

I get up and smooth my dress of any wrinkles and crumbs. I grab a small wad of paper and a pen.

Before I come into sight, I make an effort to get rid of my scowl. I don’t see a reason to smile so it’s hard to.

“Hey! Have you guys decided on what you’re having?”

It’s weird that they’ve been here so long and haven’t ordered yet. Something catches my eye on the table. Have they been playing poker? Really? Andy sees me staring and laughs.

“Yeah, we couldn’t decide who’s paying.”

I giggle. Boys. “Who lost?”

“Ashley.”

I smile at him and he shakes his head but you can tell he’s amused.

“Would you guys like to start with some drinks?”

“Uh, margarita for me?” Ashley says. It came out as a question.

“Vodka and coke,” Jake adds.

“Just water for me. I’m driving.”

“Okay. Are you guys ready to order as well or…?”

“What would you recommend?”

Agh, fuck. The only thing I was hoping to avoid.

I am not a fucking waitress so I don’t know the damn menu. I don’t even know the specials for today. So I launch in this incredibly descriptive speech on my favorite meal which is just a schnitzel and rice with vegetables. I mean, I like it.

“Yeah, I’ll have one of that.”

“I’ll get a roasted steak on hot rocks,” Ashely says.

“Is medium-rare acceptable?”

“Whatever you think, tuts.”

My mouth drops open, shocked. What the hell did he just call me?

He’s grinning.


Andy either didn’t hear it he ignored it because he simply says something about “chef’s choice”, closes the menu and hands it to me in dismissal.

“Thanks,” I snap. He glances up but I’m already walking away. I need a minute to cool off.

I should spit in Ashley’s fucking margarita. Yeah. That’s what I’m gonna do. Spit in his girly drink before mixing it so he won’t be able to tell. I know he won’t know but damn will it feel good.

Then I realize it’s the outfit.

I usually wear jeans and an oversized hoodie in my free time and slacks and maybe a shirt for work. But I’m behind in doing laundry so I had to wear this dress. I mean, it’s completely appropriate. It stops two inches above the knee and it doesn’t even have a low cut. And I even went further and wore black tights and five inch platforms.

Yes, it’s fun to dress up sometimes. Fight me.

I finish preparing the drinks and slip a little umbrella in the glasses.

So maybe I overreacted at the “tuts” comment.

I take the glass to the kitchen and spit in a very unladylike fashion and stir it a little to dissolve the saliva. I place the glass carefully on a tray and go fetch the others.

And fuck Andy. I realize that I’m actually more pissed at him than at Ashely. Yeah. He’s been like this for a while. I don’t even know what I expected. A little male dominance or something? Or whatever men do. But maybe in his eyes I’m simply a friend and nothing else.

Holy fuck, I bet he’s getting bored. Isn’t it typical for rockstars? Hooking up on a regular basis?

I should put that to the test. Yeah, now that I think about it I realize what Ashely’s doing. I mean, I hope that’s what he’s doing. Trying to make Andy jealous should be fun. Not that I actually like Ashely like that, and he made it very clear that I’m not his type. Still, it’s not like I have anything better to do.

I grin at my plan and quickly make another margarita, and leave the old one behind. I hurry to their table with a smile.

Ignoring Andy, I make a big show of pouring the vodka in front of Jake. He’s sitting next to the wall so I can’t reach him directly. Ashely’s sitting next to him, and he’s the closest to me as Andy’s sitting in front of Jake. I bump into Ashley’s knee and wave it off in a oh-sorry-I’m-so-clumsy manner. He grins and motions at me to come close so he can say something.

“What exactly are you doing?” he whispers.

I grin. “Pouring Jake’s drink,” I whisper back.

“I can see that. But what are you doing?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I hand him his margarita and his fingers rest on mine a fraction of a second longer than necessary.

I lean down again and mutter under my breath, “I guess I’m doing exactly what you’re doing.”

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and I back away. This is kinda fun, but I don’t want to get fired for being unprofessional.

“I’m glad you guys came tonight,” I announce.

When I catch Jake’s eye he snorts and looks away, taking a sip of his drink. He knows. And he also knows I know.

“I’m sure you are.”

I straighten up and tell them that the food will be ready shortly. I don’t miss Andy’s eyes burning on my back as I leave. Well, whatever. If the asshole wanted something he could find a way to say it.

I should spit in HIS fucking food.

….


I’m staring blankly at a wall when I someone taps my shoulder, making me jump.

“Restrooms?”

“Here, follow me.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Considering you just did I suppose you can,” I smile.

He grins and leans in. “Are you wearing a bra?”

What the fuck! I wanna ask if my tits look soggy or something but I manage to keep my mouth shut.

I smile at him. “Are you wearing panties?.”

“Touché.”

I think he reaches for my behind but I make a smooth escape by dropping my pen and bending down.

Ashley huffs and goes in the bathroom and I get my legs to function again and demand them that they get me the hell outta here.

I’m not good at this. I can’t flirt and, honestly, it’s exhausting. And also pointless.

I go find Jena. She’s stuffing her face with bread and butter.

“I need you to take care of 32.”

“Hell no.”

I think for a second.

“I’ll let you keep the tip.”

“Deal.” She scurries off but stops at the kitchen door. “What do I say if they ask about you?”

“Tell them…” Uh. “That I’m on break.”

“Rude ass bitch,” she says but she’s laughing.

Whatever. They’ll have to deal. Honesty, Andy can go fuck himself.

About 20 minutes later I exist the kitchen and head for the storage room. I turn the corner and bump face first into someone.

I look up to see two icy cold blue eyes glaring hard at me.

Fuck.

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Part II http://jatabi.tumblr.com/post/115582333396/heres-my-ring-asshole-part-ii