also how do i take a good picture with my phone

Witch Tips for City Witches

City Witch Tips for all of my fellow witches stuck in apartments, dorms or other city areas.

  • If you can’t burn incense you can make your own sprayable incense by mixing alcohol (usually vodka or rubbing) with essential oils and a bit of oil, spray in the air to act like incense
  • If you are unable to go outside for whatever reason to get rain water (in my case just no where to collect it safely), fill a jar or glass with regular water and keep it near a cracked window to charge it with the wind, sound and scent of the rain outside. Same goes for storm water
  • Trapped in city and unable to get ocean water? Sea salt mixed with rain/storm water can be an excellent substitute
  • To continue on with water substitutes, if you can’t collect snow crushed ice from your fridge will suffice
  • Low key warding/protection you can use: spray moon water, salt water or sprayable incense about your apartment or dorm, place sigils under doormats, furniture, inside cupboards, etc; place crystals about hidden or out in the open, sweep and dust out the door or towards windows
  • If you need melted wax to seal a jar or for any other magical purpose, but can’t burn candles, by a wax melter and melt that wax and imagine the light from the burner acting like a flame (plus they are rather cheap, I got mine for 25 bucks)
  • Need stars in your craft but too much light pollution? Glow in the dark stars on your ceiling or wall can work just as well for visualization. Print out pictures of your favorite constellations or planets and place them up on your walls or on your altar. Live video feed of the night sky can also be easily found on the internet
  • Bath magic is amazing for low-key ‘in the woods’ witches. Use teas, milk, oils, herbs, bath bombs, bubble baths, salts, etc that relate to your intent. It is also a good place to meditate if you have roommates or family around that would disturb you otherwise
  • If you do for whatever reason need to burn a candle, birthday candles are small, melt fast, and don’t create a lot of smoke or smokey scent
  • Sigils are another great low-key form of magic. To boost them up, use color magic related to the color you draw them in, write them using quills made of feathers related to your intent, use colored paper, rub a drop of essential oil on them, charge them with crystals or in your windowsill
  • You don’t have to burn sigils to activate them, which is hardly an option when you are in a dorm or apartment. Other options are: Shredding them, erasing them, soaking them in a bath or shower, using body heat or your own pulse, etc
  • Miss having the outdoors and plants around? Windowsill gardens can really help. Small plants you can consider keeping in your windowsill or counter-tops: succulents, cacti, bamboo, lemongrass, basic, rosemary, mint, rosemary, mosses, aloe, snake plant, pothos (and other vines), carrots, beets, shallots, lettuce, spinach, garlic, chives, parsley, oregano, thyme, and marigold
  • Open your window to let the wind and air from outside to help energize you and clear out negative energies inside
  • Fun places to put sigils: under furniture, carved into soap, onto shampoo/conditioner bottles, on your make up, inside phone cases, in shoes, under bandages, sewn into pillow cases and blankets, behind pictures in frames, underside of nail polish, carved into wax squares for your wax melter, keys and keychains, behind mirrors or in medicine cabinets, on bookmarks, on or in binders and pencil cases, on medicine bottles, and water bottles/travel mugs
  • Easy to make and dispose of poppets: carrot sticks (one of my personal favorites), apples or other fruit, clothe, paper, popsicle sticks, paper towels/napkins, toilet paper rolls, eggs, celery stocks, and cotton balls
  • The internet is an amazing thing. Need some sounds to help you focus or meditate? Easily look up the sounds of rain, storms, wind, ocean waves, jungles, forests, etc
  • Christmas lights are fun and great way to use discrete witchcraft. Select ones in the colors you wish for them to bring ie green for growth, yellow for inspiration, white for protection, purple for psychic abilities, etc. 
  • Some everyday things you can use for discrete witchcraft that don’t cost much at all or that you most likely already have: water, table salt, black pepper, paper, crayons/pencils/pens/markers, vinegar, milk, tea, highlighters, make up and beauty supplies, shampoo and conditioner, rubber bands, paperclips, thumbtacks, computer/phone/tablet, music/music player, playing cards, dice, air freshener, perfumes, toothpaste, rice, flour, sugar, honey, and all kitchen herbs and seasonings.
  • Can’t afford gemstones or crystals on college budget? Crackle and dyed quartz you can find super cheap at craftstores and online. I bought a whole bag for 4 bucks. Use them based on their colors and shapes. Can’t afford that but still want to use rocks in your craft? Find some rocks you like outside, again use their colors and shapes to determine their correspondences. Want to use them for a specific purpose? Paint sigils on them in the color that corresponds with what you want! Charge them in your windowsill or with your own energy and intent. There you go!
  • Pocket mirrors are cheap, easy to carry around and great for glamours and on the go magic. 
  • Seriously though, glamour spells are going to be a good option for you. use your make up, skin products, hair care products, brushes/combs, perfume, mirrors, toothbrush/toothepaste and intent. Good to do while you are getting ready for your day
  • Dream magic is another friend of the city witch! Use crystals, sigils, herbs, etc near your bed before you go to sleep, drink some chamomile, get yourself a dream journal (mine is literally a notebook with construction paper on it), keep it and a pen near you. In the morning write down your dreams, your thoughts, how you feel (tired, refreshed, groggy, etc), and interpret them. 
  • Can’t afford tarot cards? Print out some, you can usually find them online and they won’t last as long as a real deck but it is a good temporary solution. Want a Ouija board but can’t keep one or need it to be easily hidden? Print one out, draw on one on paper or cardboard, fold it up and store it once you are done. Want a pendulum but can’t afford one? Use your favorite necklace, bracelet or keychain!
  • Tea and coffee magic is great, make your own tea blends with the herbs you like. Or just buy simple green or black tea and add sugar, milk, etc depending on your intentions
  • As I said before, crock pot magic. The Modern Cauldron: brew and cook all day with it, fill your apartment with the scent of the herbs and food to fill it with the energies they correspond with and you get a delicious meal to come home to! Most dorms allow them. Rice cookers also work well.
  • Can’t afford fresh food? Have to survive on ramen, canned soup, and microwaved meals? That is okay! They even correspond with things! Tomato soup for love, beauty and passion. Beef ramen noodles for strength, courage and longevity. Microwave mac n cheese for beauty and feminity. Look at their ingredients and what they correspond with. Sure its not as glamorous as a making a huge made by scratch traditional meal but its kitchen magic none the less. Stir it with your intent while you cook. It isn’t fancy but it works just as well!
  • Use a notebook or binder for a nice grimoire, decorate it as much as you want on the inside. Print out pictures of nature, animals, planets, stars, places, crystals, etc that you cant’ access/afford and use them in your craft. Spell books and grimoires are powerful tools
  • Don’t have a wand? Use a wooden spoon. Tie a colored string or ribbon to it to correspond with what energy you want it to have and move and flick it as you would a wand. 
  • Knitting, crocheting, and knot magic is very apartment friendly. As well as sewing and embroidering plus it is super calming.
  • Glitter, sequins, and beads are great in witchcraft! Use their colors to determine their correspondences. Put them in spell jars, sachets, bottles, etc. Glitter tip: if you spill any don’t fret, get some packing tape, wrap it around your hand with the sticky part outwards and dab at that glitter spill. You will literally pick up all of the glitter in seconds!
  • Enchant and charge your pots, pans, skillets, and other cookware to make every meal magical
  • Make moonwater in your windowsills. Use it for cleansing, beauty, divination, clarity, protection and purification
  • Take walks. Even if it is a city there is still nature about. Pigeons flying about, potted flowers outside of stores, grass growing in front lawns, etc. Enjoy yourself, even if it is not some wild, vast forest you can still connect with your local nature.
  • Pick up litter or garbage you see outside, being in the city we all see it. The natural world around you will appreciate you helping out. Bring a bag with you when you take your walks or travel and fill it with wrappers you see on the ground.

I hope this was helpful to all of my fellow city and dorm witches!

Send Nude Pics of Your Heart to Me

James Potter to Mrs. Wife: lily can we have another baby?

Lily Potter to Wears Socks to Bed: R u going to text me that every time Harry does something cute?

James Potter: yes

Lily Potter: U know if we got one every time u asked we’d have like 35 babies by now??

James Potter: i’d be okay with that

James Potter: they might give us our own tv programme

James Potter: lil and jim and their kin 

Lily Potter: Ur right what’s the point of having children if not to pimp them out for reality television

Keep reading

It’s been about a week of driving on the road, and Stiles gets to his place and drops his things off. The rest of his stuff will be delivered in about another week. 

Stiles stands in the stillness of his tiny apartment and closes his eyes, takes in the quiet, a quiet he hasn’t heard and felt in a long time, when his phone dings.

Stiles opens his eyes, sees it’s text from Scott asking if he made it by the time he said he would. Stiles answered he made it, and then shuts his phone down, and proceeds to lay down on all the blankets he brought with him - his bed won’t be there for a few more days, at least - and sleep.

It’s night when he wakes up, and the street lights are shining into his apartment where he lay in the almost bare living room. Stiles turns on his phone, and this time his heart skips a beat - and Stiles doesn’t quite know why - when he sees the text he’d been expecting from Derek:

Have you made it? Do you want to meet up? 

It was sent an hour ago. Stiles replies back, saying he did and he would, but since it’s night time, they could meet tomorrow?

But Derek replies back a few minutes later that he wouldn’t might meeting up that night. It’s only 7PM, and so Stiles agrees and they agree to meet at a coffee shop a few blocks from where Stiles lives - Derek has been living in D.C. for a few months now, and ever since Stiles told Derek where he would be living, Derek made a point to get to know the area around it. Stiles found that oddly sweet, but he would never tell Derek that. 

Stiles’ heart is beating wildly as he leaves, locking his door behind him. He hasn’t seen Derek in over a year now. They’ve talked over the year, actually they’d talked quite a lot in the past few months, especially, but Stiles hadn’t been face to face with Derek in well over a year. 

Stiles feels and equal measure of excitement and nerves. He feels almost jumpy as he heads down the stairs in his apartment building, and then out into the warm summer night D.C. air. 

He texts Derek that he’s on his way, and Derek texts back that he’s already there, waiting outside. 

Stiles gulps and licks his lips, and walks faster, pocketing his phone.

Stiles is away from the only home he’s known for 18 years. But he feels oddly free. He misses Scott, his dad, everyone like crazy, but he also feels less…heavy. Less like he was drowning. Stiles still looked around him surreptitiously, not able to shake off the habit from almost two and a half years of danger and destruction happening to and around him, but the air is quiet, people barely spare him a glance. 

It feels wonderful.

Stiles is able to breathe

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this relaxed. 

When he rounds the corner to the coffee shop, he freezes, his inhale sharp when he sees Derek standing outside, and then it feels like his heart trips over itself when Derek hears him and turns towards him, and they lock eyes. 

Derek looks good. He looks as relaxed as Stiles felt. Derek was still in the tight jeans that Stiles remembered him wearing all the time (and damn, they always made Stiles stare a little longer than he should have) but his shirt looked soft and comfortable, and it was a light purple color that made Derek look absolutely…amazing. 

And he wasn’t wearing his signature leather jacket. He wasn’t standing with his arms over his chest. They were at his sides, just hanging, relaxed. He also wasn’t scowling. He was grinning. At Stiles.

And Stiles found himself grinning back. He let out a shocked laugh, and then he was walking fast toward Derek, who started walking toward him too. 

Stiles sped up the last ten or so feet, and then Stiles was practically jumping into Derek’s awaiting arms, and Derek gave a small “oof” as if Stiles, fragile human that he was, was able to knock the breath out of Derek. 

“Sorry,” Stiles murmured. 

But he felt Derek shake his head and wrap Stiles up firmly in his arms, and Stiles breathed out softly, tightening his arms around Derek’s shoulders and resting his cheek against Derek’s.

“I missed you,” Stiles whispered, surprised he let that slip out. But he did nothing to take the words back. 

“I missed you, too,” Derek said, and Stiles shivered. He and Derek had mostly texted over the past year, and the last time they had talked on the phone had been months ago. Stiles had missed his soft, beautiful voice. It was like honey to Stiles’ ears.

Two and a half years. That’s how long Stiles had basically lived in hell. 

But now….now, Stiles was getting out of it. With Derek, who actually picked Stiles up enough that Stiles was then on his tippy toes, somehow bringing Stiles closer in his arms, and Stiles huffed out a laugh. 

“Derek-”

“Shh, just enjoy it,” Derek murmured. 

“Can’t imagine the Derek I knew saying that,” Stiles whispered. Even at the end, before Derek left, when he was in such a good place, he hadn’t quite been like this. So happy. So relaxed. So ready to hug someone. And hug them closely, for that matter. 

“Yeah, well…some time away helps,” Derek murmured, and Stiles felt his heart beating faster when he felt Derek brush his lips lightly against Stiles’ neck. 

“Good thing I’m getting some time away, then,” Stiles murmured. And then after a long moment, “with you,” Stiles said. 

He felt Derek inhale sharply, and then the arms around him tighten. But it didn’t feel restrictive. It felt amazingly comforting. Stiles felt warm, safe. Relaxed. And maybe even a little bit happy.

“I’m glad you’re getting time away, too. With me.”

Stiles smiled, buried his smile against Derek’s shoulder, and then decided to hold on to Derek just a little longer. 

He didn’t feel the need to be anywhere else. 

Because we are all emotional right now I felt like it would be a good time to spread some positive vibes when it comes to our beloved Choi Seunghyun. I don’t know how you guys feel about this, but it makes me even sadder when I want to go online and all the news about him are related to the scandel. Which is why I decided to do a little T.O.P. masterpost - starting with pre debute pictures of him being the cutie we all love!

Baby Seunghyun will always be one of the sweetest things on this planet

followed by the time when he started to lose weight and was known as “Tempo” plus his selfie game was 10/10 back then already

I mean look at this smug grin

and I don’t know how you guys feel like, but I have a special place in my hear for this haircut - especially the second picture with the baseball cap! Most people will probably say it was terrible, but I think it suited him 

pulling faces while eating or even talking on the phone to the camera - my aesthetic for sure 

Also, can we talk about this shot? I feel like this is the typical “come on, bro, I need a new profile pic for cyworld - and I wanna look really cool!” - “dude, how about we stick a patch on your cheek an- perfect! Now look at me like you looked at Seungri when he ate your favourite candy!”

oh and speaking of cyworld - last but not least: some of my most favourite pics! (feat. the baby dragon bc those two were the masters of taking stupid selfies)

It’s not much, but I hope you guys at least had to smile a bit. It always warms my heart when I see these pictures. The next masterpost will follow for sure! 

Feel free to add more pictures of him

Being Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Daughter...
  • Lin would cry the day you were born but he would also brag a lot.
  • He’d shower you with gifts but he was also careful not to overdo it
  • Chances are, (depending on your age and whatever year you’d picture this for) you’d be friends with a lot of the Hamilton cast/ and or their kids
  • There’s no doubt about it you’d be a freestyling genius much like him and musically talented.
  • And Lin would be so proud of this
  • Lin’s heart would melt every time you called him ‘dad’
  • He is probably one of the most caring, sweetest, and involved father out there.
  • And if your mother wasn’t in the picture, Lin would be sure to work to fill in her shoes.
  • He would attend all your school events and extra curriculars too.
  • On mother’s day he would plan a brunch inviting his sister and mother over making sure you knew you weren’t alone when it came to the amount of females in your life.
  • Whenever he goes to Richard Rodgers Theatre or goes to work for whatever project he’s working on he is constantly pulling his phone out to show his fellow coworkers pictures of you
  • He can’t help it
  • But one thing is for sure, Lin would make sure you knew how strong of a woman you were. Being a strong activist for equal rights Lin knew how easy it was for girls in today’s society to feel weak and defeated by the powerful and he never wanted you to experience that. So he would make post-it notes and stick them in your lunchbox, on your mirror, and anywhere he could find with sayings such as…
  • “I am woman hear me roar!”
    “Though she be but little, she is fierce!”
    “A strong woman looks fear in the eye and gives it but a wink.”
    “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.”
  • And because your father is one of the most encouraging and inspiring figures in the world, not only in tweets but reality as well, he excels at giving the best, most needed pep talks when you’re down in the dumps.
  • Lin had you speaking Spanish as soon as you said your first word
  • Lin would practically document your entire life. He liked taping you and taking pictures while you were doing casual activities such as coloring, singing, dancing, playing with your dolls, running around the house, etc.
  • Tobillo basically being your best friend
  • That dog follows you wherever you go
  • Lin has thousands of videos from when you were learning to walk, practically waddling around and Tobillo was right on your heel the entire time following you.
  • The whole Hamilton cast would be obsessed with you
  • Especially Phillipa
  • That girl loved you as if you were her own
  • And if you were old enough, you would join the Schuyler Sisters in their inbetween shows closet talk.
  • Sleep overs at Jasmine and Anthony’s while your dad is out of town
  • And they would absolutely LOVE having you over
  • You made them want to have kids that much more and Anthony loved taking you to the movies and Jasmine loved taking you out shopping
  • Speaking of shopping, Renee, Jasmine, and Phillipa are always spoiling you with the newest trends and what nots.
  • The Hamilton cast would be like another family to you
  • Always running around backstage with Groffsauce, who usually was assign babysitting duty.
  • The Schuyler sisters- as well as Leslie teaching you how to harmonize
  • Daveed loved helping you with your freestyling
  • You and him always got in heated battles- in good spirits of course
  • Playing childish games during intermission and between shows with Oak, Daveed, and Anthony.
  • Trying to braid your dad’s hair during his Hamilton days
  • Let’s be real, Lin would dedicate Dear Theodosia to you
  • And during Stay Alive (reprise) and It’s Quiet Uptown he had genuine tears pinching at his eyes as he fathomed the thought of losing you
  • But Lin would always run to you and spin you around every night after shows
  • The two of you would walk hand and hand together home and Lin would sing you to sleep every night
  • He’d love making you breakfast and basking in that domestic life
  • I could see him making some of the best pancakes in the world
  • And one morning when you were little, you convinced him to let you have a sip of his coffee
  • “Daddy, what’s that black stuff in there.”
    “It’s called coffee, bebé.”
    “Can I try some?”
    “Uh, I don’t think so, Y/n. You wouldn’t like it.”
    “Please, papi.”
    “Oh alright.”
  • Like he predicted, you hated it. The liquid burned your throat and young little you cried at the bitterness for at least a minute which broke Lin’s heart.
  • Lin would be the type of parent that would love to show you off to family and friends but when it came to posting pictures of you on social media, he usually made sure your face was covered, just to keep an element of privacy in his life.
  • But he does love tweeting stories about you or cute things that you do
  • Your childhood years would be a little hectic. Lin probably wouldn’t be around as much as he wants with filming, acting, composing and all but he would make an effort of a lifetime to be as involved as possible.
  • By your late teens you had already seen much of the world but that didn’t mean you were bored by any mean. Adventure was in your soul.
  • Lin would spend a lot of time with you during his time working with the film Moana. He liked to come to you to find inspiration.
  • Family trips to Disney World and Land
  • Lin is constantly trying to help you with his homework
  • “You know I was a teacher.”
  • Coming to him when you start learning about the American Revolution
  • “Well I mean you came to right person. I did write an entire musical about this stuff. Just use the album for a reference, it’s mostly accurate.”
  • Walking into your house one day after school infuriated as you set your pop quiz on the Schuyler Sisters in front of him, a large 9/10 circled with red pen.
  • “And I quote, I’m the oldest and the wittiest… My father has no sons… dad you cost me a perfect score! Why did you lie in the lyrics, I thought you said I could trust them!”
    “I’m sorry I forgot they had other siblings!”
  • Similar to your father, you swore like a sailor
  • Which also meant you were constantly getting scolded and death glares from your father who claims “He didn’t raise you to speak like that.” Even though you both know he did.
  • But honestly I could see Lin being into girl drama. Like when he picks you up from school and sees an annoyed look on your face he’d just shake his head and say,
  • “Spill the tea, honey. I’m ready!”
  • And on your bad days after dropping you off at home after school, Lin would drive to the nearest DQ and Chick-Fil-A and movie store returning home with gifts in toll.
  • He was one of the only people in the world you trusted enough to tell everything too
  • Dad jokes, so many dad jokes.
  • “Dad I’m thirsty. Do we have any-“
    “Hi thirsty nice to meet you I’m Lin-Manuel.”
  • Being very close with your grandparents
  • Your grandpa teaching you how to cook
  • Your grandma would spoil you tbh
  • Girl talk with your Aunt Luz
  • Your dad would be really big on making sure you knew and understood the importance of equality and treating others with respect. 
  • Weekly meals at their place where your grandpa is also telling tales
  • “You know pequeño, when your father was your age I couldn’t get him to shut up!”
    “Papi-“
    “He was always doing his rapping, talking fast and never making sense but he had passion just like yourself so don’t you ever give up on yourself carino. If your father did he would not be where he is today- and neither would you.”
    “Thank you abuelo.”
  • And when you finally do make it, doing whatever or being wherever that may be, you’ll have Lin’s as well as the rest of your families support because Lin knows exactly what it feels like to have millions of people doubt you and laugh at you for doing the unexpected so his support will never run out.
  • When Lin finds out you have a passion for writing and composing, he immediately takes you with him for a daddy daughter date to the studio.
  • He pretends to be out of ideas for a song and you play along knowing it would be a lot less painful to take the easy path.
  • “Well there are a few different projects I’ve been working on lately. They aren’t too good… pretty shitty-“
    “Y/n.”
    “Sorry… but uh, you can have a look I suppose.”
  • Becoming a co writer beside your dad on his next project
  • Going on walks and hikes together with Tobillo
  • But for real though Lin would be insanely protective over you
  • Like when it comes to you Lin always needs to know where you are and constantly has eyes on you
  • When you got your first boyfriend/girlfriend Lin would FLIP
  • You’d suddenly become a player in the game ’21 questions’ or more like 101 questions when it came to your dad
  • He demanded meeting your significant other and no matter the gender, he held his strong demeanor and hardly cracked a smile- well until he saw how happy you looked in their presence.
  • But eventually he’d come to term with it. Although he would always see you as his little girl, he knew you had to spread your wings and he was not about to hold you back from doing so.
  • And when you finally land a lead role on an upcoming Broadway show, Lin is ecstatic.
  • Every day he calls you to ask how rehearsals are going partly because he’s interested and excited for you but also because he remembers his restless days and nights where he’d come home so stressed he’d forget to eat for days. He didn’t want to see you go through the hardships he did.
  • Ironically enough the new production is held, opening night, in the same old theater you grew up in, Richard Rodgers. Home sweet home. 
  • And on opening night you can guarantee your father is sitting front row with four bouquets of various flowers surrounded by all your family and friends as well as a handful of the original and new Hamilton cast.
  • And he would cry. A lot.
  • But he would also be that dad that right before the show starts, as the lights are dimming, he stands up and shouts,
  • “Go Y/n!”
  • His proud dad tweets would be never ending that night
  • After the production he was sure to be the first backstage and the first to hug you.
  • “You did it, you did it! I’m so proud of you, mi ángel. Congratulations!”
  • You’d be lying to yourself if you said your dad didn’t have a surprise party planned for after the play because he did.
  • Not to be a downer but there would be days where Lin would cry himself to sleep thinking he hasn’t done enough, or given you the life you deserve. He worked himself far too hard to make sure you had everything you could ever need and knew you were loved, but sometimes he couldn’t help but fear the worst.
  • Although at times he can be overbearing, you wouldn’t want it anyway else.

This was so fun to write oh my lord, hope you enjoyed!

-Daizy xx

By Way of Spontaneity (Part 1)

Summary: On a whim, Bucky declares you to be his girlfriend to his grandma and mother. They’re eager to meet you and he asks you to pretend to be with him for just one dinner with his family. But is that really all?

Word Count: 680

Warnings: None.

A/N: This is sheer K-Drama content lol. So it’s gonna be fluffy and full of craziness. I hope you all like it!

Originally posted by seabasschino


Kicking his shoes off, Bucky plops down on the couch, swinging his feet until his legs are off the floor and he crosses them. Taking a deep breath, he stretches enough to pull his phone out of his pocket and unlocks it, perusing through his various social media apps. He’s scrolling through the wedding pictures of a former high school classmate of his when he hears a sharp whistle.

His grandmother’s stern face is what he sees as his head snaps towards the sound. She’s got her lips pursed in a tight line and her brow furrowed. Bucky smiles. “Hey, nana. You look beautiful today.”

Keep reading

in which jack and shitty accidentally date

based on a dream I had, I present: a short semi-fic about Jack and Shitty and their day-long, beautiful relationship.

Basically, this is what happens:

At a kegster during their freshmen year, in which Shitty is running around being the life of the party even though he’s a freshman, Jack is also in attendance– talking to Berger and Marsh in the kitchen. Jack is there, partly to keep an eye on Shitty, partly because he is surprised by how much he does like some of the guys on his team, mostly because they had won today and Jack is in quite a good mood. Not a good enough mood that he is going to risk going into the living room where music is blasting, but in a good enough mood that he is holding a solo cup of beer and chilling in the kitchen, chatting with Berger and Marsh. He is at ease as Jack ever is– laughing good naturedly as they tease both him and each other and of course, this is when the trouble starts.

The trouble is this: Marsh is drunk and excited that Jack has actually shown up to a Haus kegster and since Jack seems to be in a good mood, Marsh decides to take a risk and ask Jack a Question. More specifically, Marsh rams an friendly elbow into Jack’s ribs and goes:

“Yo, Zimmermann, you like anyone on campus yet?”

A few months prior, that question would have made Jack freeze up. But now, Jack smiles easily (because honestly, it is a rather respectful question– “like” instead of “fuck”; “anyone” instead of assuming “girl”) and he certainly doesn’t want to get into his romantic history or lack of crushes so he smiles, shrugs, and says

“Nah, love’s shitty,” It’s still friendly and he smiles and asks Berg about his crush that the whole team knows about and that should be that.

The problem, however, is that what Alex Berger and Carter Marsh heard was not “Nah, love’s shitty,” but “I’m in love with Shitty.”

Which, of course, is a much bigger deal. 

Keep reading

the story of the underwear cockles op

y’all wanna hear the story of how @amazinmango and i got this photo op at phxcon this weekend?

PART ONE: BEFORE THE OP

so here’s the thing: n o n e of this was planned. it was amazing, hilarious, ridiculous kismet. 

mango’s had his birthday recently, and so i brought his birthday present with me to phxcon. part of the present was a pair of jensen’s underbears (i think the text i sent mango right after jib was, “we’re close enough that it’s not weird if i buy u underwear right????”) bc i thought that was hilarious from jib and mango is a huge jensen fan and dean!boy. so the original joke was just that mango could have the bear underwear. i also got him a second pair in orange, bc orange is his fav colour. this was as far as i thought this would go. 

so i get into phoenix thursday night and give mango his present. we didn’t know there were cockles photo ops until friday afternoon when we saw hard tickets for sale. i distinctly remember being bummed that my hometown con had cockles photo ops for sale online but phxcon, the one i was actually going to, did not. but obviously once i saw they were available, like. THERE WAS ONLY ONE CHOICE. so after deciding it was completely financially irresponsible when we have no money, i bought the op. 

i can’t remember when it occurred to us that we had both the underbears and a pair of lucky orange underwear for misha in our hotel room. we wanted to do something fun and funny for the op, and cracked ourselves up at the idea. but we were also aware that it could be, you know, kind of sort of maybe intensely uncomfortable to be like (a) i know what underwear u were wearing and (b) here i brought pairs of them for you to further laugh over. i have a T E R R I B L E akdslkjkas embarrassment squick, so we didn’t want to do anything that made us uncomfortable, and we definitely didn’t want to do anything that would make misha or jensen uncomfortable. we wanted them to have fun with us and play around with us. 

we ran our idea passed our roomie, who has some good con experience, to see if she thought it would fly or not. we agreed on judging our plan based on their mood on the day and asking them if they felt comfortable enough to do it was the best course of action, with a back-up plan ready to go immediately just in case, so j+m knew we were serious that they could totally pass on it if it was weird. CONSENT AND SAFE SPACE. we were hella concerned about this. 

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anonymous asked:

Yo could you share some of your headcanons for the deh kiddos :O ?! I'm really curious!!

*cracks knuckles* HEADCANONS UNDER THE CUT (these are generally feel-good and going off of a Connor Lived And Everything Gets Better AU set of ten [+ one extra] headcanons for the kids where they’re all friends)

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Innuendos + Bonus Chat

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Request:

A Steve x reader where Tony makes really bad innuendos and Steve and the reader are to innocent to know what they mean


Tony has created a chatroom.

Tony has invited Bruce, Y/N, Steve, Scott, T'Challa, Rhodey, Peter.

Tony: Dinner tonight, all of us? I can make reservations at Rhodey’s favorite restaurant.

Scott: The one that spins?!

Tony: Yes, Scott. The one that spins.

Scott: I love that one! The waiting list is booked,  it would take months before we can eat there!

Tony: Oh, honey. When you’re a billionaire, you don’t need to wait.

T'Challa: And if they make us wait, I will just buy the restaurant. #RicherThanStark

Tony: … Who uses hashtags in a chat?!

T'Challa: #ObviouslyNotYou

Peter: I would love to come but… I have to study for a test tomorrow.

Tony: Aw c'mon kid, we haven’t seen each other in weeks! T'Challa just got back from Wakanda, Scott is finally free, and Steve and Y/N just returned from their 4 week long mission.

Bruce: Yeah, we miss you all!

Tony: Just one night! You’re smart, Peter. You’ll do fine in your test.

Peter: I guess…

Rhodey: #BadDad

T'Challa: #TonySucksAtParenting

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JINX | Taehyung (M)

Originally posted by kimthwriter

Fluff | Crack | Smut | Neighbor!Taehyung | EMT!Taehyung | Enemies → lovers

You’ve had your sights set on Kim Taehyung ever since you’ve moved into the apartment next door to him, the only problem is that your klutz gene makes it difficult to get within three feet of the boy before a freak accident of some sort occurs

word count: 29k+

A/N: first of all i blame @bxebxee for the cumplay that occured in this hot mess, second of all IM SORRY its so long and third taehyung ended up a lot more… toxic than i anticipated so i wanted to warn against that and that i dont condone a lot of his actions/reactions or the toxicity of the relationship but its how his character and OC came out.

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6

Hello my beautiful sugar babes!

I have the best boyfriend in the world. He surprised me with a eight week old golden doodle. I love this dog so much I don’t know what to do. He also ordered me a business platinum American Express credit card. And of course I still have his credit card on my Postmates, Uber, and UberEATS. He also ordered me HGH which is human growth hormone that is $700 a month. It’s supposed to make you skinny, your hair bomb, your nails amazing. Kim Kardashian and Madonna takes it. He’s in Las Vegas for a bachelor party for his brother and he’s calling me every few hours and face timing me. It’s so sweet. He’s so loving and kind. I’m so happy I have him.

I went to the Beverly Wilshire Hotel and I met this grandpa and he took a liking to me and he wants to help me in my professional career. He wants to publish articles about me so I can become famous in my career when people google me. I’m really happy I met him and I look forward to growing my professional career and maybe leaving the sugar bowl forever one day. I’m really happy with my boyfriend and I don’t really see a need to hustle guys if I can make a substantial amount of money in my professional career.

I went to Roku sushi restaurant in Los Angeles last night at midnight because I was hungry and these guys kept circling our table and when the bill came the waitress told us that one of the gentleman had paid for our bill. It was a $200 sushi tab so it was nice to get free dinner. This just goes to show that once again my proximity thing is true. You need to be around rich people to meet rich people. I highly suggest going to this restaurant there were so many rich guys there I went in my yoga clothes and Adidas slides. I literally ran out for a midnight snack now I know to dress a little bit better. He owns 40 brands of wines and lives all over the world. He invited us to attend the BET party and Yacht parties for 4th of July.

A guy asked me to go to a music festival with him in Chicago and he offered me $8000 for three days but I’m not sure if I want to go because it’s rock music and I prefer hip-hop and EDM. So I don’t know if I want to go and listen to music for three days that I don’t even like I don’t know if it’s worth it. I’m still thinking about it.

I work out at Equinox and this guy invited me to this Lamborghini and McLaren event. I guess these guys that own these $400,000 cars pay money to race their cars on the race track. There were so many rich as guys. I wish I could’ve invited you all.

Girls have been messaging me asking me where I met my guys and I met them at all different places here are some examples. These are the guys that take care of me monthly of course I have my guys that I see here and there but these are the guys I count on every month
• 30 year old Amex, takes care of my car insurance, work expenses, cell phone bill, unlimited credit card - Match.com
• boyfriend, Uber, UberEATS, Postmates, credit card, HGH, Equinox - Tinder
• $5,000 a month and all my Christian Louboutins - MillionaireMatch.com
• $5,000/ $20,000 a month Persian - Poker Game
• billionaire - Charity Event
Rich guys are everywhere so you got to keep looking.

I made some mistakes in the beginning in the sugar bowl so I wanted to share with you what I’ve learned and I hope I can save you some trouble
• always get the money and or gifts first. One of my first arrangements on SA The guy promised me $1000 for a meet and he gave me $500 after. And I didn’t know what to do so I just took the $500 I left and he promised me that he would give me the money later but he never ever did. I never made that mistake again. When I see my daddies I always say “hi babe did you bring my gift.” Don’t trust them and if they say something like “this feels to transactional” I suggest you should leave he’s probably going to gyp you. All my real daddy’s give me the money without making me feel guilty.
• only talk on the phone with them for 10 minutes at a time. Try not to call them let them call you. When I see that the 10 minutes it’s getting close I just hang up abruptly and say “hey I have to go” and I just hang up. If they want to talk to you they have to come see you. They know how to find you. Don’t worry. They didn’t die. They’re just busy. He’ll make time for you if you’re important but don’t force anything. My boyfriend told me I never called him once in 2 months. If I need to say something I save it for when I see him. Are used to make up excuses to text him. Like if I bought him his favorite Mountain Dew soda I will take a picture and send it to him. But I stop doing that and he has been chasing me ever since.
• only give him 75% of your love. My nail lady is like my therapist and she told me she’s been married for eight years and her husband still asked her to this day if she loves him. She gives me the best advice. She also asked me do I know which noodle house is the best noodle house in Korea? She told me it was a noodle house that serve the least amount of noodles. So be the noodle house that serves the least amount of noodles. That will make him coming back for more.
• always make sure your nails are perfect. I once was dating this really rich guy who owns all these medical marijuana dispensaries and he told me that he will not date a girl if one nail is broken. Now I know you may think that this is absurd but I’m talking about being a sugarbaby on a high level. In order to be a sugarbaby on a high level you need to look like it.
• you need to shower daily. I can’t believe that I have to even say this but one time I hug my girlfriend and I could smell her hair and my eyes almost white cross eyed. You don’t know how many times guys have told me that they love the way I smell I shower and wash my hair every day and I understand some of you guys because if your ethnicity that you cannot wash her hair every day but you need to figure out something to make sure you smell good and clean. And even after sex I will take a shower and guys always told me that they love me that I’m so clean.
• we are here to comfort our men if they’re having a bad day make sure you uplift them and make sure that you make them happy. One of the things I always tell my guys is I’m here to celebrate your success your happiness and your life make it about them. You can go home and complain to your girlfriends but your boyfriend is not the guy you are complaining to. We are here to celebrate their life and their success.
• I have never ever referred to any of my guys as my “sugar daddy” or asked for an “allowance” to their face. Behind their back I referred to them as my sugar daddy and stuff but to their face they think that I am just their regular girlfriend. This will build more trust and they won’t feel as used and they will probably be looser with their wallet if they feel like you’re not using them. You know they’re going to be very cautious of everything if they suspect anything. You’re going to make the most money if their guards are down so you need to build trust.
• this is also a tip from my nail lady but do not ever make them feel jealous. Even if you are dating multiple men do not let them now. Do not post fancy photos of food on your social media if they’re following you. They know that you were on a date.
• Now as I mentioned above to only give 75% of your love to them and only spend 10 minutes on the phone with them when you were with them in person you are the number one girlfriend. When I am with my boyfriend or any of my dudes and even a Rolls-Royce I don’t even look. My phone is in my bag the whole time I do not check my phone for social media or my text messages or anything. My dude has my full undivided attention. They are the king in my eyes (at the moment)
• I personally won’t introduce my girlfriends to my daddies or my boyfriend until things are really established between the two of us. You don’t even know how many girls will sideswipe you and try to fuck your boyfriend for a Chanel bag. So to save your relationship with your boyfriend and your girlfriends just make sure you and your boyfriend or totally establish before introducing them. You can’t really control what they are going to do but you can definitely control if they meet or not.
• as you guys know a lot of my dudes give me credit card. A lot of girls have been messaging me about this. To get a credit card they are going to need your real name, your birthdate, and your Social Security number. So it has to be definitely someone that you completely trust. My 30-year-old daddy and my boyfriend I know they would never do anything to hurt me. They’re the most nicest people on the planet and their goal is to just help me. So don’t give some crazy motherfucker your Social Security number just so you can get a credit card it might not be worth the trouble. But this is really nice in case they go out of town or something you don’t have to depend on them to deposit money into your bank account it’s just a credit card so you can just spend and they pay the bill. The other great thing is if someone gets you a credit card I can only benefit you never hurt you so let’s just say that they default and don’t pay the credit card it goes on to their credit but let’s say that they pay your $10,000 a month credit card like every month your credit will improve.
• always have your own separate income or business or school or like profession or something that you’re working towards. There is a very high chance that you are probably going to marry a really rich guy being in the sugar bowl you’re going to end up falling in love with one of them. But the thing is is you should still have your own thing. You could even be a part-time plastic surgeon. All my aunts married very wealthy men but they have never worked a day in their lives and their husbands cheat on them all the time and they’re just stuck in there miserable relationship. They are decked out in Ferragamo, Mercedes Benz, and have Chanel bags but they hate their lives. You want to be adored and loved. And you have to let them know that you know you could leave if you wanted to and I think they’ll treasure you more. The also respect you more.
• if you are having a slow season in your sugar game do not worry it happens to all of us that’s why you need to be dating multiple guys to make sure that you’re going to be OK. That’s also why I highly encourage you to save your money. If you need to buy stuff have your daddies buy it for you save all the cash that you get. And honestly if you can’t get a guy to buy it for you you probably don’t even deserve it. If you really wanted you will figure out a way to get a guy to buy it for you. While we are having lunch I’ll make them take me to Sephora go buy $300 worth of make up or say “babe can we swing by target? I’m out of TP” and but $200 worth of stuff. Or get my nails done with them.
• K girls you know my favorite save save save! Just because things are going really well with your daddy don’t get too excited. Guys have offered me all kinds of stuff and they fell short.
• which also brings me to another topic is don’t count your chickens before they hatch. Meaning guys are gonna promise you all kinds of stuff don’t really count on it until you have the money in your hand or in your bank account. And honestly I made the mistake of telling my friends and looking really stupid when the guy never even called me back. So keep this information to yourself and maybe later if they actually give you the money or the gift then you can tell your friends but even with that you were going to end up with a bunch of hater friends. They’re probably going to call you a hooker or something like that because they are so jealous. They probably can’t even get their boyfriend to buy them a $200 dinner. So they are really going to hate you if your boyfriend is giving you a $10,000 allowance plus the Mercedes-Benz, you get what I mean? In the real world not that many people will be happy for you. So be careful who you share your information with.
• and really girls if you want to be a sugar baby on a high level you need to look like it. Your hair, make up, skin, nails, clothes, style, everything needs to be on point. One time I saw my girlfriend who really wanted to be a sugarbaby on my level and she had open her purse and her purse was a freaking mess and her make up had busted and the make up was all over like her wallet and and her stuff. It just looks so freaking disgusting. I buy make up bags from the dollar store and if my make up bursts or breaks I just empty it out throw the make up bag away and I put it in the new make up bag. You need to be really clean for these guys. And this was also the girl that her hair smelled. I mean I’m just her friend observing and I already knew we both played in different sandboxes. She asked me if she could have my old daddies but none of my dudes would even fuck her for free.

I really want all of you guys to be really successful. I’m here to answer any questions and to help you with any of the stuff but you guys need to do your part and look your best and be healthy go work out and be the best you. Make sure you’re all there mentally, emotionally, and physically. I pray and I mediate a lot to get my spirituality and head space in the right place. I work out and eat organic food so I’m in a good mood.

Another thing is is my nail lady told me that you don’t have to be the prettiest girl in the world but you do need to have the best skin. Stay out of the sun it ages you it’s not good for you it will give you freckles and wrinkles. Use SPF every single day, reapply it all day, where a hat if you’re going to be in the sun.

If I actually become successful in my professional career I will probably quit the sugar bowl and just take my boyfriend exclusively. I am really happy with him and I’m happy with my new puppy. I love you all and I wish you all the best success in the world and I totally believe in you.

That’s another thing to make it in this field and anything else you need to believe in yourself. I open my arms and face my palms to the sky, face my heart to the sky and I say “I open my heart to receive love, money, and happiness”. I need you guys to start doing this so the universe knows that’s you’re ready for your whale :)


To all my daddies,

I want to thank you for all the luxuries in my life. I want to thank you for making sure my bills are paid, designer silk clothes, most expensive shoes and handbags, most exclusive gym membership, caring about my health, buying me healthy organic groceries, alkaline water, green juices delivered every morning, taking care of my eyelashes extensions, nail salon, eyebrows, skincare, spas, facials, hair salon, make up, plastic surgeries, laser hair removal, my new puppy, taking care of my puppy supplies and vet bills and thank you for taking care of me even when you’re away on a business trip. I will in return be the best girlfriend to you make sure you feel like a king. I’m so grateful I met you. I love you so much.

Happy Father’s Day Zaddy ❤️

Love,
Your Asian Sugar Baby

bakery au (oldie but a goodie)

Part 1

“He hates me,” Bitty moaned, flopping on his couch. Holster was raiding his kitchen, listening to his rant about Jack Zimmermann.

“I don’t even know what I did wrong! Maybe it was because I told him that he played a hard game last night the first time he came into the bakery? All he does is glare at me and say stuff like ‘Eric, the coffee is too sweet,’ or ‘Eric, you need more protein.’”

“Brah, maybe Zimmermann just has a total resting bitch face,” said Holster as he pulled out a leftover pie from Bitty’s fridge. “Guy seems fucking intense. At least he’s good for business.”

“He keeps on glaring at me! And he comes in, like, three times a week. Orders a coffee and just drinks it in his corner, ignores my attempts at conversation even though, mind you, he has already said some pretty rude stuff!”

“The guy’s a celebrity, he probably has his head so far in his ass and doesn’t care about shit, and also just wants some privacy. Bits, you haven’t been taking pictures of him and posting it on twitter have you?” Holster asked, alarmed.

Bitty gasped, “Adam Birkholtz! I would never!”

“Then just treat him like an antisocial customer, he can’t be the only one going to the bakery who doesn’t want conversation and just wants service and food,” Holster said, dropping down next to Bitty on the couch with two tins of pie.

“I know,” Bitty sighs. “He’s just…so handsome. And he was so nice to Nursey when that fool tripped. And he tips generously. And he’s just so gorgeous, even when he’s glaring at me and speaking in grunts whenever I ask him how his day has been. I just want him to like me!”

Holster navigated the TV to a rerun of Golden Girls and handed Bitty one of the pie tins. “I think that’s your problem. You’re an amazing person, Bits, but maybe you can be a bit too friendly for resting bitch face robozoid Zimmermann. Maybe stop asking him about his day and just let him chill.”

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Theory time.........

There was something about this whole narrative, that wasn’t adding up for me. I was having a hard time putting my finger on it, then Camila released that description about her album, and it started making more sense.

They want us to believe, this whole narrative took place in 2016, but when you remember back and realize, the 2016 narrative was just a revamped version of the 2015 narrative, it all begins to fall into place.

Everyone latched on to that July 4 2016 Brazil snap, of her alone, writing in a hotel bathroom, while the girls were out celebrating together, as the time she began writing “I have questions”. That’s exactly what Management hoped you’d do. If one paid attention though, you would see that the more important snap happened back in October 2016. She snapped a photo of her writing in a bathroom, with the caption ”destroyed”. First, July - October does not equal 6 months, no matter how crappy your math is. Second, the 7/27 tour was coming to an end, and with that caption, I actually think, that is when she finished writing “I have questions”.

The only tour date they had in early 2016, was Dubai. So, unless she started writing it in a Dubai potty, the rest of early 2016 was spent promoting WFH. She stated she started writing that song, “a little over a year ago” while on tour. I think her “a little over a year ago” means the last few months of 2015, September-November. That she eventually had to face her problems, and she finally went back to the lyrics she started from the year before, and finished the song, then wrote a sad song every day until she got sick of writing sad shit. That song seems to be a catalyst for her, and I’m thinking it probably  “destroyed” her to finally finish it.

Camila was asked recently, in an interview, when her anxiety showed itself and started becoming a real problem for her. Her answer was, 2015. Everything started in 2015. Her anxiety, the fucking narrative, the division, EVERYTHING!!

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ot4 things
  • group chat has to remind mari to eat/sleep/stretch if she’s been designing for too long
    • alya: hi mari this is your hourly reminder to fucking get up and stretch oh my god you’re probably crouched over that chair like a shut in go for a walk gdi
    • adrien: ok so…..i texted you four hours later…..like you told me…..i hope you’re eating. lunch is important.
    • nino: get some h2o up in that bitch or i swear to god dude
  • alya has to call a fucking intervention every time she loses more than ten ladyblog followers overnight
    • one day, just to fuck with her, the three of them all unfollow her the same day and she bursts into class screaming 
    • “we’re not mutuals anymore ????? who the fuck why the fuck ???”
  • when someone’s sick or having a bad day, adrien stops by their house and drops off little care packages bc he’s literally perfect
    • photocopied notes from class, homework, water bottles, snacks, medicine, candy, a get well card, you name it
    • alya takes pictures of all of them and keeps an album
    • mari keeps the cards in a scrapbook for her shitty days
    • nino cries almost every time he gets one
    • the three of them pitch in to do one for adrien when he’s sick but he somehow manages to outdo all three of them consistently
  • nino starts an instagram account that’s literally just videos of mari and chloe fighting. alya and adrien both help moderate it
    • mari has no idea it exists so like sometimes the three of them will be cackling over nino’s phone and try to cover up what they were doing when she walks by
    • she thinks she missed out on a meme or something
    • everyone in school follows it
  • they rabbit a new anime every week bc adrien just keeps finding new ones and he always says “no trust me they’re so good” and they can’t say no to that face, he’s so excited, literally how adrien
    • kid has a good taste in anime, so six hour binges on saturday night are at least entertaining 
    • yuri on ice left mari and nino crying and adrien recorded it for posterity
  • adrien and mari make gym days a thing on sundays bc for some reason they’re fitness freaks and when did that happen they’re also so ripped like how ? ?
    • mari and adrien go through the whole shebang: cardio weights, machines, stretching, you have it
    • alya just stays on the elliptical the whole time watching reality tv on the televisions above her
    • nino stays on his phone the whole time walking on the treadmill instead of actually running
    • adrien: they’re working up to it. 
    • mari: we’re going for a run next week. no technology allowed. 
Golden Boy

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 2165

Warnings: Smut - NSFW

Summary: After playfully sending suggestive pictures to Chris right before he presents at the Oscars you realize that you are in for the night of your life.

Author’s Notes: This wasn’t planned. I had no idea Chris was going to wear a velvet bowtie to the Oscars. I’m basically CEvans Trash. I literally just wrote this – instead of watching the freaking Oscars – so if there are any ridiculous grammar errors – please forgive me… I am tired and hormonal. This is probably trash, ha!

I tagged those of you that liked my initial post asking about this (along with some others). Soo yeah…..

Originally posted by sensualkisses

You hummed to yourself absentmindedly as you applied the rest of your makeup. Chris had promised his mom that he would take her to the Oscars this year, and you had agreed that it was a good idea. After the show was over you were to meet up with him to go to the after parties – which, let’s face it, were always the best part of the night. As you rapped your knuckles lightly on the bathroom countertop your phone dinged – alerting you to an incoming message. You reached for it as you finished putting on your lipstick. Of course it was from Chris.

“Miss you beautiful. Can’t wait to show you off to everyone.” You couldn’t help but smile at this. Of course he would send you something sweet. He had panicked that you would be upset about not going with him to the show, but you had assured him over and over that it was fine.

You had watched him get ready earlier that afternoon – the sight of him in his fitted suit and velvet tie had left your panties soaked. While you had secretly hoped for a quickie before he left for the show you had reasoned with yourself that there wasn’t time. Even the thought of the way he looked caused the tingling between your legs to start again. You checked the time on your cellphone before smiling. If the show was running on time Chris would be presenting within the next five minutes – you turned towards the television playing in the hotel bedroom for confirmation that the scheduling had not gone askew. It hadn’t and you couldn’t help but think how perfect the timing was. You were still only wearing your lingerie – not willing to wear your beautiful dress in fear of getting makeup on it. You positioned your hand over your panties, suggestively touching yourself, and formed a pout before snapping a picture.

“Wishing you could give me a hand.” You texted as you sent the picture. You could tell by your notifications that he had immediately seen it and you couldn’t help but smirk to yourself as you sat your phone down and finished getting ready.


“Jesus Christ,” Chris muttered to himself as he opened your text.

“Everything okay?” Someone beside him asked.

“Oh yeah… yeah,” he nervously blundered as he secured his phone safely back into his pocket. He was due to go on national television any minute, and was now also secretly praying that he could quell his body’s response to your text long enough to present. He chuckled nervously to himself. He knew you had done it on purpose. He had told you when his presentation was, and who it was after so you wouldn’t miss it. “I swear to god, Y/N. You’re going to be the death of me,” he mumbled to himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Mr. Evans are you sure you’re okay?” A stagehand asked nervously.

“Never been better!” He announced a little too enthusiastically. Causing his co-presenter to jump beside me.

“Great… you are on in five….four…”

That was fine – he thought to himself – two could certainly play this game and payback was going to be a bitch.


You were nervous. After your text you had never received a response from Chris, but you were sure that he had saw it. Initially you had laughed during his presentation. He seemed maybe just a little flustered – most people wouldn’t have noticed, but most people hadn’t taken him to bed before either. As you exited the limousine you looked around nervously – nearly jumping out of your skin when a warm arm wrapped itself around your waist.

“Hey Babe,” he whispered into your ear – giving you a quick peck on the cheek. You looked up at him and he graced you with one his dazzling smiles. It was only when you really looked into his eyes that you realized he had definitely seen the picture, had certainly reacted to it, and the game was totally on. You swallowed hard – trying to bottle up your excitement as he smirked at you while you walked towards the entrance of the venue. “Just for the record,” he whispered – his beard tickling your ear – “I had to masturbate in the bathroom during the Academy Awards, because of you.” He gave your ass a quick slap which caused you to straighten up in surprise. You couldn’t help but smirk back at him – this was certainly going to be a night to remember.


“Sebby!” Chris shouted as he waived Sebastian over to your table. Sebastian said his hellos before taking a seat between Jeremy and Chris.

“What was up with you tonight?” Sebastian asked with a smirk. His eyes seemed to twinkle with humor as he offered you a wink.

“What do you mean?” Chris asked as he tried his hardest to keep a straight face – failing miserably.

“You seemed a little flustered is all,” Sebastian shrugged as he laughed. “Can’t imagine what would cause Chris to lose his cool,” he added to which Jeremy chuckled.

“I was a little distracted by something,” Chris added seriously as he turned his gaze to you. You knew the more his friends joked the more you were going to pay once you were alone with him.

You smiled shyly as you brought a glass of wine to your lips. “I guess you need to work on that babe,” you shrugged before turning your attention back to your conversation with Jeremy’s wife.


The following hours seemed uneventful – at least where Chris’s revenge was concerned. You gushed over celebrities like Emma Stone, as he politely introduced you – never taking his eyes off of you as you interacted with his friends. Everyone continued to drink – the alcohol seemed endless. Each time a bottle was finished at least two more arrived to replace it.

“Everyone should be dancing!” Sebastian declared as he rose from his chair.

“Oh come on man,” Chris muttered as he shook his head. His face was tinged pink from the amount of alcohol he had consumed. “I don’t know if I can even stand right now,” he laughed.

“Y/N?” Sebastian asked as he offered you his hand. You took it willingly looking over his shoulder to see Chris’s reaction. He was watching you like a hawk – good.

You left the table with Sebastian hand-in-hand. Out of all of Chris’s friends you liked Sebastian the best – probably because you had known him before you had ever met Chris. “You are going to have hell to pay,” Seb laughed as you danced against him.

“A girl can only hope,” you laughed as you smirked in Chris’s direction. He was already rising from his chair – his eyes trained only on you and his best friend.

“That didn’t take long,” Sebastian laughed as Chis meandered his way through the crowd. As he neared Sebastian shouted, “She’s all yours,” before laughing and walking back to the table where everyone else had stayed.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” Chris muttered into your ear as he pulled you roughly into him. He placed his hands on your hips –guiding them to grind into him as you felt his growing erection. “You kill me,” he muttered breathlessly against your neck. You could feel the wetness between your legs grow as he continued to harden against your contact. The feeling caused you to let out a soft moan. “Oh do you like that,” he whispered seductively into your ear.

“Yes,” you responded breathlessly. “Chris, I…” but he cut you off.

“Follow me,” he demanded as he took your hand, guiding you towards one of the many private bathrooms. Being a celebrity had its perks – at least you had a room to yourself.


You sighed as Chris looked the bathroom door behind him. You were ready. Ready for him to ravage every part of your body.

“Not so fast,” he chuckled as he pushed you gently onto the couch – you never quite understood the need for couches in bathrooms, but for once you were glad to have one. You pouted quietly as Steve took you in. “Now listen here baby girl – you’ve been torturing me all night. Sending me that naughty picture of you and grinding yourself up against my best friend. Now it’s my turn,” he muttered softly as he slowly removed his tie. “Give me your hands,” he commanded. You obeyed giving him your hands. He took them in his hands and tied the velvet material around them securely. He spun you on the couch – making you lay on it fully before raising your hands above your head. “These better not move, do you understand me?” He asked. You nodded as you whimpered your assent. You would do whatever he said if he would help the aching feeling between your legs.

He smirked as he worked your dress up to your waist – admiring a portion of the lingerie he had seen earlier in the picture. He slowly planted kisses up your leg causing you to squirm uncontrollably. More than anything you wanted to twist your fingers through his hair and you soon found your hands moving from their position. “What did I say?” he asked calmly as you placed your hands back above your head. “Good girl,” he hummed – kissing your wet core through your panties. “I think we can get rid of these,” he murmured against your skin as he worked your panties off. He gently circled his thumb around your sensitive clit causing you to buck your hips. “Mmm, my naughty girl. You’re so wet,” he remarked as he slid a finger inside of you causing you to moan out his name. “That’s right baby, you’re mine,” he said fiercely as he added another finger – pumping them in and out of you as you squirmed with pleasure. You could feel your walls tightening at his touch and your moans became louder. You didn’t care who heard you. “Not yet baby,” he whispered as he removed his fingers.

“What?” Your head snapped forward at this. He couldn’t just get you close and then stop. “Chris,” you whined as you tried to sit up. He pushed you back gently with a smile before moving his face between your legs. He smirked up at you before burying his face into you. As he lapped at your wetness you moaned his name louder causing him to suck on your sensitive clit. As you bucked your hips he slid a finger into you. His mouth and fingers were too much – causing you to cum all over his face. He lapped away your orgasm – causing more moans to fall from your mouth – before he broke away with a smirk. His beard was glistening with the remnants of your pleasure which immediately made you ready for round two.

“Stand up,” he demanded as he stood and offered you his hand. You placed your bound ones in his and he helped you to your feet. “I want you to bend over the sink,” he explained as he motioned over to the sink. You did as he commanded – your bound wrists stinging softly as the velvet bit into your soft flesh. You watched in the mirror as he removed himself from his pants – stroking himself a few times before approaching you from behind. He lifted your dress to your waist again before nudging your legs apart with his own. As he slid into you fully you groaned. He began to thrust into you as he held on to your hips tightly. “God – you are so tight,” he exclaimed as his thrusts began to become more disjointed. You groaned as your body reacted to his thrusts – you could feel your walls tightening again with the promise of a glorious orgasm. When he began palming your sensitive clit you came undone around him – your orgasm spurring his own. He stiffened as he filled you with himself. He sighed softly into your hair as he kissed the back of your neck affectionately before removing himself.

“So that’s what happens when I send you nudes when you’re at the Oscars?” you asked with a laugh as you sat shakily on the couch.

“I guess so,” he chuckled as he plopped down beside you – wrapping his arm around you and bringing your head to his shoulder.

“Well I guess I should do that more often,” you shrugged as you both laughed.

“Oh hell,” Chris sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What is it?” you asked alarmed.

“Seb and I had a bet on who would have sex at an Oscars’ after party years ago. I never thought it would be me so I’ve given him hell for years about it,” he grimaced.

“Well I guess it’s time to pay up,” you chuckled as you both rose from the couch.

“It was worth every last fucking penny,” Chris responded as he pulled you into him – planting a soft kiss on your lips.


Tags: (I tagged those of you that liked my initial post asking about this along with a few others)

@writingblockswriters @kendallefire @marvelouslyloki @seargantbcky @sapphire1727 @dont-let-me-go-again @amrita31199 @kittthekat @3brosangel @yknott81 @samanthaneedsanap @dreamer1495 @frolicsomefawkes @totallygroovyllama @caffeineandlaserbeams @sebbys-girl @bless-my-demons @moonofhisheart @giggles2107 @summerbummer2001 @ninjayjumper @vidishajain @fan-guirl @ily-celebrities @harleyqueen7

Wait, what?

(based on this) (look, there’s a part two)


Yuuri barely has time to grab his jacket when he runs out the door, much less brush his hair or find a hat. Unfortunately, he’s sure that that means that his hair is an absolute mess. It’s been getting long again, but in between classes and helping Yura out with his routine on the weekends, he hasn’t had much time for things like haircuts. Besides, Victor doesn’t seem to mind it, and Yura likes to experiment hairstyles on Yuuri “so that if it looks stupid, I don’t have to see it on myself.”

It’s not that big a deal, except on days like this, when he sleeps in (thanks a lot Vitya) and doesn’t have the time to really get it under control. He usually meets up with his friends before class, and he doesn’t doubt that they’ll notice, and probably tease him about it.

They notice.

“Yuuri!” Estephania gasps, sounding too scandalized for her words to be anything but teasing. “What on earth happened to your hair?”

Yuuri flushes. “I was running late,” he mumbles.

Richard snorts. “You sure? Because that looks more like sex hair to me, man.”

“Ooh, he’s right,” Estephania coos before Yuuri can protest.

He wonders if it’s possible to die of embarrassment (especially since they’re not entirely wrong). “No, really I–”

“We know, sweetie.” She reaches up and moves his hair around a bit, trying to make it look presentable. “You’re just too easy to tease.”

“You sure you’re really twenty seven?” Richard raises an eyebrow.

Yuuri just smiles at the ground in fond humiliation (apparently it’s not a common emotion, but it’s a little hard not to be used to the feeling when he’s married to the world’s biggest drama queen) and nods. “I am.”

His friends are too much sometimes, he admits. Richard is the embodiment of America in a lot of ways: loud, completely lacking a sense of social norms, a walking personification of testosterone. Estephania is less… everything… than Richard, but she’s very touchy and affectionate in an entirely platonic way that reminds Yuuri a lot of Christophe, only without all of the innuendo. But they’re both loyal down to their very core, and they’re not bad people.

His phone starts ringing, Stammi Vicino playing loudly. Yuuri picks up, keeping his phone away from Estephania’s hands. “Да, Vitya?”

“Dude! You speak Russian too?” Richard looks like Yuuri just smacked him in the face. The school year just started, so they’re all still learning about each other.

Yuuri just smiles, since Victor is in the middle of one of his usual mid-morning crises. “Vitya, calm down,” he says in Russian. “Makkachin is probably out with Yura. You know he takes her for walks sometimes. Have you seen him today?”

He manages to get Victor off the phone just before class starts, flipping his phone to airplane mode since he’s sure that this isn’t the last he’ll be hearing from his lovable trainwreck of a husband.



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