also god dammit it's hard to make such a cutie look angry

Food, sex and arguing (I need two outta three, preferably shared with you)

Words: 4333
Paring: Hollstein

Rating: Semi-explicit
Summarize: Laura being self-conscious about sleeping with Carmilla and Carmilla trying to talk her out of it, because really Laura has no reason for thinking about the other girls Carmilla slept with in the past. She should not be worrying about that, should she?
A/N: Not really explicit in my opinion, but there´s some crossovers to the grey area therebetween, so you have been warned. Also, my first time writing about that kind of situation so there’s definitely room for improvement. But yeah, enjoy!

“You seriously don’t have to do that, cupcake”, I said while watching Laura swirl around the kitchen, grabbing pans and a spatchula as she went past me sitting by the sink. The stove ticked as she turned it on. She was wearing my black shirt and her greyish sweatpants. She always wore my shirts. Especially in bed. And that morning she didn’t even change when we got up. I had always thought she was most beautiful like that, without make-up just walking around in her comfy clothes. Or lazy-days-clothes that she used to call it. I however was wearing her spare sweats with my own shirt from the day before.

“But I want too”, she answered without even looking at me. She was on hundred percent focused on the pan which she had started to put bacon in. I gave up. I knew that when Laura put her mind to something she would do it, without regarding pretty much anything I said. I chuckled a bit when she started to mumble to herself. She had the habit of doing that when she studied as well. At first I used to believe that she did that because she needed to hear what she was reading or even writing to remember it later on, but then I noticed her doing it while doing other things too. She even mumbled while cleaning her room, making comments about the level of filth or the amount of clothes laying around on the floor. So I guessed she did that whenever she was focusing hard enough on something. She was adorable. I leaned back against the wall. It was something about the way she moved around that was ever so calming and nearly hypnotic. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Soon the sound of the bacon frying interrupted the silence and I could smell it too. Laura went to the fridge and took out some eggs, butter and vegetables. Soon thereafter she had a cutting board in front of her. At times it looked as she was dancing. Like if she was waltzing back and forth between the stove and her cutting board. I noticed how I watched her hands more closely as she was cutting up some potatoes, then paprikas and herbs. She was skilled with a knife. I knew that, but I still watched her as if I was looking after a child. It was probably stupid and just me being overprotective, but I relaxed a bit when she turned to the stove again. She did however hold on to the knife while going back to the fridge and even when she turned to the stove once or twice. Which made me even more aware of every move her hand made.

“I don´t think you should be waving that about”, I commented and nodded towards the knife.

“Oh”, she said and then put the knife down on the cutting board. I got a bit calmer, but not nearly as much as I wanted to be. “Carm?”, she said and I looked up from the floor, or her feet. My gaze could have gotten stuck on her naked feet when she did that waltzing thing a moment before. She had cute feet, why wouldn’t my eyes be as distracted by them as any other feature of her body.

“Yes?”, I answered and looked up at her face, a bit dazed by my own thoughts. She was still focusing on the stove and the eggs she was flipping.

“Last night”, she started, moving her weight from one leg to the other. “Was that okay?”, she asked and I smiled.

“Are you asking me if I liked the movie or…”, I said with irony dripping off of every word.

“Carmilla!”, she interrupted me, followed by a giggle. I could see the redness on her cheeks. Could she be more adorable. No, not possible, I thought to myself.

“It was fine”, I answered and saw her shoulders relax a bit, but then she frowned. Like really, looking at her in profile it looked as if she just tasted something extremely sour.

“Just fine?”, she asked and I could hear the trouble that that question could cause. At least inside Laura´s head if she was left alone with her thoughts. I shook my head as I rolled my eyes.

“Don´t you overanalyze this now, buttercup”, I warned.

“I don’t overanalyze!”, she replayed.

“Really? Then what was that thing you did when one of those zeta dimwits called you a raging feminist the other day?”, I asked as polite as I possibly could, but the memory juggled my temper a bit and I had a hard time holding back my anger.

“You were the one knocking him to the ground!”, Laura answered, sounding as fuming as I felt.

“Well yes, I am your girlfriend! I´m supposed to beat up anyone that offends you!”, I yelled. Her shoulders tensed up again and her eyes were fixed at something in front of her, maybe one of the discolored spots on the cupboard above the stove. I could feel my jaw tense up as well and the knuckles on my hands were white as hard as I clenched to the edge of the counter. I only let go of the anger when I heard Laura sigh and my hands loosened its grip. I rubbed my knuckles and looked down for a bit. When I looked up again Laura had turned away from the stove and were collecting the chopped herbs on the cutting board. I freaking love this girl, I thought to myself and sighed. “Laura”, I said but she didn’t respond. Not even with a look. Actually, she hadn’t faced me for as long as she had been preparing whatever food she was cooking. “Laura, please look at me”, I pleaded and felt an unease in the bottom of my stomach. She didn’t respond. “Fine, okay”, I said and ran a hand through my hair. Good god, I needed her to look at me. “I don’t know what to say”, I tried and she finally did something else than stirring in the pan she had filled with the chopped vegetables. Or, she more like stopped doing that and turned her eyes to the ceiling but I could see that they were shut.

“Tell me the truth, you could start off with that”, she said with a harsh voice. She only used that voice with Kirsch when he had been teasing Danny over the edge, or with Danny when she was on the way of reaching that edge. And, on rare occasions after we had become girlfriends, with me when she was actually angry with me.

“Are we seriously arguing about last night?”, I asked laughing. I found it terribly hilarious and irritating, but mostly annoying. Also, it was way too early in the morning for that kind of arguing. Really for any kind of arguing, but that going on right there was just unnecessary and stupid. The pit in my stomach tightened. “Cutie, I admit to enjoying a good round of brawling but this”, I said pointing between us. “This is just dumb and stupid!”, I continued and hoped that she would find her senses. Or something resembling to that. I leaned back again when she didn’t respond. Dammit, I told myself and ran both hands through my hair. I had to close my eyes and focus, orelse I was going to throw a fit right there and then. Only Laura could make me feel so out of myself and at the same time feel everything at once.

“I just want you to tell me the truth”, she whispered and I opened my eyes again.

“What?”, I had to ask while I collected myself.

“Tell me the truth, Carmilla”, she answered and I could hear the pain in her voice. Or maybe it was the pain in me that I felt too strong, because it physically hurt looking at her looking like that. So self-conscious all of a sudden, which she hadn´t been the night before. I knew I was the first girl she had slept with, the first person she ever slept with, but her low amount of confidence was alarming. I wondered if she had been the same way before she meet me, like with her first crush or kiss. But then I remembered. It wasn’t as much about her as it was about me. It was me she was thinking of and my past to be more specific. I saw it on her face that time I told her about my ex and the girls that followed after her, how she started thinking well too much. Overanalyzing everything. How long has she been thinking about this, I asked myself as I heard her sigh. “It´s okay, you can tell me”, she said.

“What are you expecting me to say, Laura?”, I asked and frowned. I wanted to know the answer to that question or at least get a hint of what was going on inside her head.

“I don’t know”, she whispered and it hit me as a kick in the stomach. “Maybe that I wasn’t good at it or that you didn’t… didn’t… you know”, her voice faded out and ended with another sigh. I jumped down from the kitchen counter. I approached her slowly, worried that she would back away. But she didn´t. All she did was keep on stirring in the pan.

“Please, stop thinking”, I begged as I reached out to touch her arm. She didn’t flinch or shrug me off, so I took one step closer and put my hand over her shoulder.

“Are you going to say that I’m overanalyzing this too?”, she asked. I breathed out, barely smiling.

“You are, sweetheart”, I said and moved my hand to her neck. I pulled back her hair and stroked it slowly. “I love you”, I whispered. Even if she would never admit it, her over lip twitched and I knew she would smile. It just took some more convincing. “I love you, Laura”, I repeated.

“I love you too, Carm”, she said and glanced over at me. Her eyes were glassy, but she wasn’t crying. Once again my stomach was kicked in and she looked away.

“No”, I said and Laura´s eyes meet mine. “I. Love. You”, I repeated and put my hands on her waist, pulling her towards me.  “Do you understand that?”, I asked. She nodded a bit, but I knew that I needed to say something to calm her thoughts. “Anything and everything with you is heavenly”, I whispered and pressed my hands against her lower back, making it impossible for her to do anything else than embracing me. She gave in to that and rested her head against my shoulder. “What we did last night was everything I could have dreamed for it to be”, I continued and she breathed out against my neck. “All I wanted was to share that with you”, I finished and tugged a bit at the hem of her shirt.

“I didn’t want you to be disappointed”, she mumbled.

“You could never disappoint me!”, I said confidently. “I thought you noticed that last night”, I whispered in her ear. I could feel the shiver on her neck and down her arms. “Didn’t you?”, I asked and brushed my teeth against her ear. She breathed out again and I couldn’t help but smile. “Laura?”, I asked.

“Mm?”, was all she gave as an answered.

“Did you notice?”, I whispered slowly in her ear while my hands found their way in under her shirt. I bit down on my lip to restrain myself from pushing her back against the fridge. But that was the only thing on my mind at that point. Maybe she would believe me if I did that. When she didn’t answer me I bit her ear gently. Her hands clutched to my neck, but she didn’t say anything. So I kissed the skin below her ear and all the way down to her collarbone, feeling her every thrill.

“Yes”, she finally answered, with a deep voice. I smiled out of satisfaction against her skin, placing one more soft kiss on her collarbone.

“Yes what?”, I teased and sucked at the pulse point on her neck. I didn’t wait for an answer, just kissed her jaw and up her cheek. I kissed the corner of her mouth and slided my hands up her sides until they reached her bra.

“I noticed, I noticed Carmilla!”, she answered and placed her hands on my shoulders so she could push me off of her. I smiled when her eyes meet mine, hers weren’t glassy anymore. At least not for the same reason as before. She sighed and leaned in for a kiss, which were dragged out so she had to stop us both or else we would have literally ended up on the floor. She still held her hands on my shoulders and her forehead was pressed against mine. “I need to finish this”, she whispered.

“Gladly”, I answered with a smirk.

“The food, Carmilla”, she said with a smile. “I need to finish the food”, she explained. I shot her a disappointed look and she shook her head before kissing me. “Go sit down, okay”, she said and turned me towards the table. I sat down at the end so that I could keep watching her.

“Cupcake”, I said while pulling at the table cloth.

“Yes?”, she replied as she turned around and pulled out a drawer. The sound suggested that it was the one with the cutlery.

“Promise me something”, I asked.

“What?”, she said and opened the cupboard and took out two plates.

“Don’t compare yourself with them”, I asked. She walked around the counter and put the plates in front of me. “They were nothing else than sex. Easy sex. Rebounds. I never felt anything for those girls”, I explained and she gave me a look.

“That´s a bit insensitive”, she said while walking back to the stove.

“It´s the truth”, I replied. “And that was what you wanted to hear, right?”, I asked. She turned around and smiled again, without that look on her face.

“Yeah, it was”, she said. But I knew better than to even imagine that she had let go of it. I still had to talk about her, my ex. Ell. But not there, not while she was still processing all from the night before. She began to walk back and forth between the table and the stove. By every turn she placed another plate filled with food in front of me. I was beginning to wonder how much she thought that I could eat, she must have realized that not even half of it would fit in my stomach.

“Good god”, I chuckled and she turned around where she was standing at the sink filling up a can with water. She was a bit redder around her cheeks and I thought that it must have been because of all that cooking and heat from the stove.

“What?”, she asked and smiled.

“I know I said I was hungry”, I answered while swallowing back that laugh a bit. “But I don’t remember saying that I’ve been starving for the last century”, I explained while looking down at all the food.

“Opps”, she chuckled with a blush on her cheeks. “Maybe it´s a bit much”, she admitted.

“Just a bit”, I teased. She smiled at me and I felt the pit in my stomach even out. When she came to sit down I pulled her chair closer to mine, that way I could lay my arm around her waist. I put some bacon on my plate, beside the fried potatoes and cabbage. It looked as wonderful as I knew it would taste. Laura looked at me with suspense, waiting for my review. I tased small bits of everything before meeting her gaze. “I love it”, I said and she breathed out while looking especially proud of herself. I freaking love this girl, was all I thought and leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek. My heart fluttered as me lips touched her skin. I freaking love this girl so much it makes my heart ache, I thought and couldn’t not smile. “Not as much as you, but close enough”, I joked and she giggled.

“Keep it that way”, she replied and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

We ate under silence, which was nice. We didn’t really need to talk, not all the time anyway. But what we didn´t say we showed. We were touching during the whole breakfast. If my arm wasn’t folded around her waist, her hand was resting on my thigh or her feet were placed on mine. Her fingers were laced together with mine and then they caressed my wrist. We were getting more and more touchy feely by the minute and as I watched her finish her meal I could not control my thoughts. And they were way over the limit. In my head I had my hand far up her shirt already and the tingle in my fingers were getting stronger. I just wanted to touch her, really really bad.

“Carm”, the way she said my nickname was like a flamethrower to my already burning inside.

“Yeah?”, I answered as I leaned closer. I let my hand stroke over her back and down to her pants.

“You’re staring”, she whispered and I knew she was thinking the same things I was thinking.

“I know”, I replied. She smiled and turned towards me.

“Why?”, she asked with a smirk playing on her lips. Gosh. Laura smirking was a trigger of mine. And she knew it too.

“Do you really want me to tell you why, cupcake?”, I said as my hand reached in under her shirt. She didn’t answer. Instead, she got up, grabbed our plates and went to put them in the dishwasher. I watched her every move, she was the north pole and all my senses was directed at her like a compass. After she had removed all the plats from the table she leaned against the counter with her back. She stood there for a second, smiling on and off, then she turned her face to me. Gosh, she was biting her lip. Don’t do that, I tried to say with my eyes. Or more like scream. She let out a sighed and had my eyes locked on hers as she left her place. I didn’t have time to say anything before she walked up to me, grabbed my shirt and pulled me up. When our lips crashed into each other every thought that had passed through my mind faded. I turned her around and lifted her up on top of the table. She wrapped her legs behind my back and pulled at my shirt again.  You would never have believed that this was the same girl that had been worrying about her ability to please me just an hour before. This was a new side of Laura, a confident side. And I liked it. I could hear myself moan as her hands reached in under my shirt and grabbed my breasts. She wasn’t wasting any time and I sucked in her lower lip as revenge. Her lips spread mine open and explored every inch of my mouth as she forced her way in with her tongue. My hands clenched to her waist. She groaned and it was the most exciting sound I had ever heard. God, I thought. If I don’t get to touch her I am going to have a meltdown. As if she had heard me, she grabbed one of my hands and guided it in under the hem of her pants. I laughed, because even if this was a very serious situation I couldn’t stop thinking that she was the girl who just lost her virginity the night before and now she was trying to fuck me in her kitchen. Her lips kissed my neck and I tried to pull myself together for a moment when I got the chance to breath.

“Laura, when does your dad come home?”, I asked but swallowed as her hand pushed mine closer to herself. “Fuck”, I mumbled to myself. I gave in for a moment and kissed her hard, I pulled my hands out of her pants and lifted up her shirt. I threw it at the side and connected to her mouth again.

“Why you ask?”, she replied with a heated voice against my lips and reached in under the hem of my pants and grabbed my hips, pulling me even closer.

“Well, I don’t think finding me fucking you on the kitchen table will make a good impression”, I explained while I still had sort of a chance at speaking without moaning with every word. I did moan though, and felt a chill along my spine.

“He already loves you”, she mumbled against my jaw and kissed the spot before wandering down my neck.

“Yeah, and I don’t want him to stop”, I said. I bit my lip so hard I thought I tasted blood, but she was brushing her teeth against my collarbone and it made me a bit dizzy.

“Just kiss me for fucks sakes”, she ordered and pressed her mouth to mine. I had no more restraint left in me and I embraced the feeling of wanting her in every way possible. God, she tasted amazing and she knew how to kiss me breathless without even trying. It was she that broke lips when I pushed her down on the table and started pulling her pants down her thighs. My hand was down her underwear before she had a chance to move and I put my weight behind it. She arched her back and pressed her lips together, but that didn’t stop her from moaning.

“Fuck, Carmilla”, she said while gripping at the edge of table. I smiled. I was the one in control now. As one of my fingers slipped inside her I attached my lips to her jaw. She whimpered. When I stroke my nose against the skin between her covered breasts she gasped one of her hands intertwined with my hair. “Don’t stop”, she begged and started to move her hips. I didn’t realise that she had put one of her knees in between my legs and as I pushed myself closer she pushed her knee forward. She was literally making me grind her.

“Damn you Hollis”, I breathed out and connected my lips to hers again. She moaned against my mouth and I could feel that she was near.

“Laura!”, a manly voice suddenly yelled from the hallway, followed by the sound of the door closing. Both Laura and I stopped, looked at each other and I felt like laughing.

“This is not happening”, Laura mumbled and I bit down on my lip as soon as she looked at me with that harsh look on her face, but I still laughed. She put her hand over my lips and pressed her own together.

“Are you up?”, Laura’s dad yelled. I got myself off of Laura before we heard his steps getting closer and I did try to straighten my clothes a bit, maybe he would believe that I looked that frizzy after a long night of sleeping. Laura did the same, but the flush of red on her cheeks didn’t go away.

“Yes, we’re in the kitchen dad!”, Laura replied and swallowed as she looked at me. Her eyes were glowing, and as she breathed out I could still feel her knee between my legs.

“Oh, hey Carmilla”, Laura’s dad said as he walked in and saw me standing in the middle of his kitchen.

“Good morning Mr. Hollis”, I replied and smiled. I could see Laura watching me in the corner of my eye. I knew that my smile was a bit over the top, but what did she expect, she should really have been happy that I wasn’t laughing my ass off.

“I didn’t know you were coming over”, he said and walked past me to the stove where Laura had put the leftovers. I nodded in the direction of the table and Laura´s face went absolutely white when she saw the tablecloth, which was pushed together in a knobbly pile.

“She stayed over”, Laura answered and walked over to the table. Still turned towards her dad she pulled out the cloth and gave me a look, I pressed my lips together but still smiled out of amusement.

“Yeah, I was helping her study”, I filled in and Laura nodded. “It got a bit late”, I said and smirked as I remember the night. Laura blushed. I taught her something at least, I thought and ran a hand through my hair. Maybe not exactly what he was thinking, but it was something.

“That’s good”, was all Laura’s dad said as he put a slice of bacon in his mouth.

“I’ll go get ready”, I exclaimed when I realised that I was just too amused by the situation to hold myself together for a longer period of time. I looked over my shoulder, her dad was still exploring the buffet of food. When I turned to Laura she had her lips pressed together. She knew what I was thinking. I could see it on her.

“Don’t you dare say anything”, she warned me and looked really harsh while saying it. I bit down on my lip so that I wouldn’t laugh.

“Whatever you say, cutie”, I answered walking past her towards the bathroom. I took the chance when Laura´s dad turned to the fridge and squeezed Laura´s ass. I could hear her gasp, but I didn´t turn around. But if I had she would have seen the biggest smirk she had ever seen on my face.