Thank you so much everyone for 1.5k! It may not seem like a whole lot to other people, but to me, the support and love I’ve gotten from you guys has been huge. I never dreamed that turning into a positive blog would gain so much so quickly. So thanks to you guys, this lil artist is giving away one of my hand painted planting pots, plus a bunch of goodies from my childhood! Winner takes all, and winner will be randomly generated :’)
• One hand painted van gogh Starry Night planting pot (its about 4 inches high) plus a cute lil catcher dish for underneath :’)
• One package of hello panda chocolate biscuit treats!
• One package of strawberry gummy candy (they’re gluten free!)
• One package of matcha green tea flavored pocky!
• One package of botan rice candy!
• Must be following me (I will be checking)
• Reblog this post as many times as you want!
• No giveaway blogs please
• If you’re the winner, you’ll have to give me your address so I can ship the package to you
• If between ages of 13-18, must have parental permission.
• Follow me on instagram (peachy_gogh, there’s also a link in my description)
• Follow my art instagram, takerootandsprout.
• Message me that you’ve done these extra entries
Ok shy little bun bun I swear I may be dead I’m havingsomanyJungshookfeelslatelyIs2g
So we all know how shy this boy is no doubt about it
He probably actually tries to get to know you though if he has to which he does because he literally already thinks you’re so attractive like wtf
Probably stutters but once you find a topic you both like then wow he won’t shut up
Also drags the other band mates like he literally will talk crap about them
Once friends oh wow
Video game all nighters where you complain that your brain is mush
He will constantly tease you about every little thing and will be such a pain In tHE aSs I s2g
You’ll beg him to sing in which he will start doing something extra like screemo music or some weird song because well….that’s who he is
To be honest I can’t picture him starting a deep conversation, but once he opens up I think that you’ll see a very vulnerable side to him awwwWWW
Obviously meme conversations with the occasional roast on Taehyung or Jimin (Insert Taebae’s derp face yeS)
Literally all he sends would be something to irk you or a meme this bOI
How he confesses:
Shyshyshsyshyshsyshsyshsyhsyshsyhsyshsysysysyhshs so cute
Probably really nervous including sweaty hands
Needs help from the guys because this has literally never happened and he is scared #Jungshook
Calmly shows up at your door in the rain like those cheesy movies and he is really distant but you try and laugh but he just flat out says it with lots of nervous lip biting and hair fluffs omgromancemovieoftheyear
After that you’re literally like w h a t how could I not like you, ya stupid idiot
Lotsa lazy days
Lotsa gym dates because muscle pig here~
Still a huge dork
Just a soft dork who gets really protective and can be sensitive
Ok another one of the #neck-line he probably loves being in the crook of your neck and irritating you by tickling it
He’s admitted he can have a temper, but after fights I think he would be so lonely and sad tbh, but would still let you go cool off and contemplate his actions whoa we got deep there I’m sorry
No PDA unless he initiates it or if he’s in a good mood and ya wanna try to be clingy I don’t blame you
‘Cus again shy bun especially in front of the others but holy hell if he needs to stand his place with his significant other he will throw down
BOWLING DATES YES THE AESTHETIC
Him being all professional then there you are with bumpers I mean is anyone even good at bowling anymore????
I don’t think he’s a lip kisser a lotter ya know (shizu I say 2k17)
Just simple pecks every now and then but when it gets a bit carried away man does he nip and bite your lips *insert Lenny face)
Also another back hugger if not to get your attention he throws a pillow at you with some weird ninja pose mE I think I have literally done this
Stacked not tangled legs in the bed I can picture that
More of you sleeping on his wiDE chest
Falls asleep with his head against yours during movies a lot so cuuuuuute~~~
Randomly bursts out in song maybe it’s in the movie maybe probably not
Ok but I can see him buying you a promise ring is that just me? Yes? No? IDK MAN
Cocky lil son of a biscuit eater this boy
IF YOU DO ONE THING LIKE SLIP AND FALL HE WILL NOT FORGET AND TEASE YOU
“Hey remember that time you fell in the middle of the store and knocked over the boxes of cereal?” “Jungkook I just asked if you wanted cereal wtf”
Basically he is still a meme but a soft and sensitive person because you know he grew up in the lime light and it can be stressful, buT you are there if he needs to talk although I think he’ll just be distant but OH WELL
Also boyfriend material af we all know this
Ayyyyyyyyyyyeeeeee~ I got to another one. Sorry if this seems rushed but for some reason Kookie is hard?????? WhY??? Also thanks for reading and I hope ya’ll have a good day PEACE
What is your version of Music Meister's backstory since there is virtually none mentioned in the canon?
Now that I can’t answer! There’s are secrets about Music Meister that will be revealed during his appearance, and I don’t want to spoil them for you.
Really, the only things I can reveal is that his name is Alastor Sharpe, he comes from money, is incredibly charismatic, and does what he does because he’s painfully bored. He is a hedonist of the highest order, and does anything/one that appeals to him or makes him feel good.
He’s British, gorgeous, and INCREDIBLY eccentric.
I also have some AMAZING character designs that @ritzy-biscuit drew for me. If she’s cool with it, I think I’m ready to share them with you. I mean, you’ve HEARD him now, so you should be about ready to see him too.
Do you have cooking tips for a college student who's about to start living in an apartment and has zero cooking skills?
Oh man, I could write a book.
I think there are a few important general words of advice I would give, since otherwise I actually will write a book. This got long, so I’m putting it under a readmore. Readers, feel free to add your own advice, but remember a) please don’t overwhelm our poor student and b) do it as a comment or a reblog, since I don’t post asks written in response to other asks.
“Ahhh got it!” Sherlock jumped up from his chair and walked around the room tapping his fingers together.
“About time.” You laughed walking out of the kitchen. He gave you a funny look and turned around.
“He’s a scientist. How else would he have access to all those chemicals and, AND know how to use them? Ohhh I got you! To think you almost had me fooled. Ooo, I have to tell John.” The world’s only consulting detective, grabbed his coat and made his way out the door.
“Sherlock—halt!” You yelled before walking over to him.
“Why are you leaving so quickly and with no goodbye?” You placed a hand on your hip and raised an eyebrow whilst waiting for an answer.
“I’ve had a breakthrough; I need to go get John.” He responded as he bounced around, ready to run, in the spot in front of you.
“Mr. Holmes,” You flipped his collar up like he prefers it, “All I ask of you is; to give me a kiss every time you leave, so I can have you with me in some sort of way in case something were to happen to you.” You ran your hands down his coat then let them fall to your side.
“I’m sorry.” He bent down to reach your lips then gave you a smile when he pulled away.
“Thank you– now go, the world needs saving Sherlock.” He spun around on his heel and began down the stairs. “Oh and Mycroft wants you to call him!”
“Tell him I’m busy!” He yelled from the bottom of the stairs. You let out a laugh and headed straight to your phone. With Sherlock’s newest break through, you knew he wouldn’t be home until later. You and Mary had gotten very close, so surely a girls night was in plan.
“Sure, I’ll be right over! Ooo, do you have my favorite biscuits?”
“Always.“ You answered laughing.
"Give me ten minutes.” Hanging up you noticed how you were suddenly craving tea, so you put the kettle on. As the water heated you cleaned up then waited for Mary to show up.
“Hello!” You heard a voice call from the front room. Walking out of the one you were in, you were met by Mary’s smile.
“Come in, come in! Have a seat. Would you like a cuppa?” You took her coat and bag and placed them on the rack.
“Yes, please. It’s colder than usual today. And to think our men will be running around London in this weather.” She said laughing.
“Ohh, I’m sure they can handle it.” You replied also laughing. You went to get her some tea with biscuits and were humming while doing so. You were thrown off when you turned around and saw Mary giving you a big smile.
“What? Do I have something on me?” You asked.
“No.” She answered shaking her head with a smile.
“Then what is it?”
“You’re glowing.” She smiled.
“Oh, we’ll thank you.” You laughed.
“No Y/N, you’re glowing.” She stuck her head out and looked at you.
“I’m not pregnant.” You denied her accusations.
“Y/N, I know a mother when I see one.” Mary smiled at you while you thought about everything that has seemed out of ordinary.
“Oh my god.” You sat down looking around the room. “How do I tell Sherlock?”
***** After Mary went home, you took a pregnancy test just to be sure and it was positive.
“This is for real.” You told yourself quietly. Just a few minutes later Sherlock walked in so you went out to meet him.
“Hey.” You leaned on the door frame giving him a smile. “Did you solve the case?”
“Yes, as usual.” He smirked. He put his belongings down and looked at you again. Instantly he knew you were hiding something.
“Did something happen today?” He asked coming closer to you. You placed your hands on his face and gave him a kiss.
“Let’s sit down.” You followed right behind him and sat in the chair John would normally be in.
“So I’m just going to say it.”
“Mhmm.” His eyebrow lifted as curiosity set in.
“I’m pregnant…” You let out a deep breath. Sherlock didn’t move. He didn’t blink. For all you knew he wasn’t breathing. You sat there uncomfortable for the second time since meeting Sherlock. The first being when he told you your entire life story with just the way you smiled.
“Sherlock?” You put your head down to look in his eyes. “Are you alright? Do you want me to give you some space?”
“No.” He answered, shaking his head slowly.
“Ok, well I’m going to make some tea.” You got up and went to the kitchen. While you waited for the water, Sherlock came over and gave you a hug from behind.
“Oh– are you back, Mr. Sherlock Holmes?” You laughed turning around with his arms still around you.
“Think of all the cases he’ll be able to help me solve!” The detective looked around in thought, then to you.
“He’ll? You think it’s a boy?” You smirked.
“Well my mom did have two of them, it’s reasonable.”
“Oh lord, if he’s anything like you–”
“He’d be incredibly handsome, smart and love science.” Sherlock finished your sentence for you.
“Look out London.” You smiled giving out a slight laugh.
“There’s a new detective in town.” Sherlock grinned before bending down to kiss you.
Several months ago I commissioned the talented @citruslimey to create art for @noeeon’s fabulous fic “The Magic of the Holidays, or, How I Survived the Gringotts Holiday Helpdesk” Here on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329028 Rating: R Word Count: 14,041 Summary: Draco’s an Assistant Cursebreaker at Gringotts, Harry’s an Auror. They receive the unwanted task of troubleshooting malfunctioning magical objects at the Gringotts holiday help desk. Together. The only question is whether they will kill each other before the magical objects succeed in killing them.
Why I loved it: This fic is so much fun. Draco’s voice in it is perfect and has just the right amount of Malfoy snark. It’s filled with wonderful charmed objects, Harry acting first and thinking later and ridiculously bad hats. The entire premise is original and filled with creative magic.
Work is blissfully busy. Between us, Potter and I handle a number of broken charms, a minor fire, and a rather exciting Japanese lantern possessed by an Aoandon. A few days pass before I have a chance to find out what forced him onto help desk duty. We finally have a slow moment in the alcove on our fifth afternoon working together, and Potter’s nursing a sore hand, bitten by the lantern spirit after he tried to grab it. I warned him that they’re only dangerous when attacked, but he’s not much for listening. I gather tactical planning is not his forte, but then, it never was.
When the tea trolley comes by, I ask for two cups just before Potter can reach out. I also ask for a few lemon biscuits - they’re a reason to look forward to Thursdays. Potter watches as I pay the goblin, then accepts the teacup with his left hand. I put the plate between us. We’re both sipping for a few moments, and I sense that my generosity with the tea arrangements has bought me the right to a question.
“So what did you do to end up here?” I ask, casually glancing in his direction after polishing off my second biscuit. The steam rises from the white cup and the angle he’s holding it at looks awkward. He sips gingerly, and I’m sure he’s going to ignore me.
“I nearly burnt a house down,” he says after several long moments of silence. He sets the cup down and takes a biscuit.
My morbid curiosity gets the better of me. “On purpose?” I ask, likely sounding a bit too eager.
He glowers at me and, in all honesty, it’s still a bit off-putting even though I’ve grown accustomed to his surly behaviour. “No.”
“Oh.” I return to sipping my tea. At least we only have an hour of awkardness to go until end of day if nothing else comes up.
It’s a great holiday story that everyone should read.
Speaking of that last post I think a lot about vampires being really put off by FOOD.
They just cannot. Vampires have one source of nutrition. It’s good, it keeps them alive, & they know how to get it. THAT’S IT.
- Humans eat EVERYTHING. WHY? How can that even be necessary?!
- Vampires constantly pointing to random things and asking a human if they eat that. Being oft dismayed by the answers.
- Vampires acknowledging that food is such an integral part of human life that it can be considered art.
- But also, “I saw someone pick something off the ground & eat it. Not like they dropped it. They plucked something off the forest floor & put it in their mouth.” Other vampires gasping like wtf are they animals!?
- Humans having to adjust their social conventions for vampire guests & realizing just how often food is involved in situations. Can’t really give vampires bread, or complimentary fruit baskets, or make them a meal as a guest.
- Vampires calling all kinds of food just one thing like biscuits.
- Humans rebuffing the apprehension when they get tired of it with “Weren’t you human once?” Only to get an snappy earful of time passed/memory retention.
- In a modern setting older vampires avoiding the hell out of supermarkets because sensory overload. “Why are there so many different breads? Like WHY?”
I was playing around using the brush in illustrator because i’ve never used it before and also because i found out that pen pressure was a thing in illustrator. Idk why i thought it wasn’t, but i always used the pen tool anyway.
Working with the brush tool was kind of frustrating. I like using sharp and textured lines when drawing Scarecrow. I couldn’t get that with the brush. Even when i was drawing with textured lines (like effects), my strokes wouldn’t stay like i had put them down.
Illustrator does this thing where it smooths out your strokes making angles impossible. The only way to manage a sharp edge with a brush would be to do small strokes at a time. But making them with a long continuous line is not going to happen.
The fingers were especially difficult as none of the brushes maintained the varied width when applied, (again they would smooth out, he looked like he had droopy melting fingers, haha). I had to mess around with customizing brushes and using shorter strokes.
I suppose i’m spoiled by Clip Studio Paint which also has a vector feature (not as great as illustrator but still a nice touch), but in CSP you can use any of your tools as a vector and that’s like the most amazing thing. CSP actually had a pen that smoothed/ warped your lines for “effect” like illustrator does….i deleted it immediately. lol.
Idk how the brush tool is like in illustrator cc since i have cs6, but i’m assuming they’ve had to have improved it after theses years right?
Well, i’m going to sleep now. i’ve been fighting with this thing all day, haha.
I would love to see a MaceObi story where Obi Wan has wings (I love all of your wing fics!). You've throughly converted me to the MaceObi pairing!
‘I’m not preening myself for him.’
Obi-Wan firmly tried to convince himself even as he carefully removed
molting blue of all shades from his wings, putting them in the
steadily growing pile of removed feather on the coffee table that he
was going to give to the creche master as usual.
So fine, Mace Windu would make one hell
of a mate.
Mace was strong, cunning and warm.
Obi-Wan could still remember the time
he had let the other care for his wings, dark fingers running through
the blue feathers and removing those that needed it while they waited
for the shuttle to be repaired.
He hesitated then sighed a bit.
Alright, he was perhaps preening just a
bit for Mace, wanting to look his best for the other and wasn’t
that just a punch to the gut.
Mace couldn’t possibly be interested
For one Mace was a consummate Jedi,
adhering to the code strongly. A master and council member. For the
second…why would he look at Obi-Wan at all?
Being handsome was no sure thing for
catching someones attention.
And Obi-Wan had WINGS and instincts
Yanking out a feather in shock, Obi-Wan
hissed before looking up at Qui-Gon who raised his eyebrow in return,
leaning on his cane.
“Master.” The Knight offered before
sighing at the look he got. “I mean, Qui-Gon.”
“Better. Now are you alright? That
looked like it hurt and you looked a million light years away.” The
other sat down carefully, his cane in hand. Honestly, Qui-Gon should
be grateful that was all he needed to walk after what the Sith did to
him on Nabo.
And Obi-Wan was grateful everyday that
he hadn’t lost the other man just yet.
“Just…just a comment Anakin made
before we talked to the Council.” Obi-Wan sighed. “And not to
“Oh?” Qui-Gon looked curious and a
bit mischievous, wondering what in the world the blond could have
said to have Obi-Wan in a twist. “Talking about Anakin, where is
“He asked if he could go see Tru, I
let him. Friends in the temple is good to have.” Obi-Wan carefully
sidestepped the reason for his distraction.
“True enough. Now what did that boy
say to distract you so?” Qui-Gon raised his brows.
‘I can’t get anything by him.’ He
sighed. “…That I always seem to be preening myself when I see or
meet Master Windu.”
“Oh…you hadn’t noticed?”
“…Oh no not you too.” Obi-Wan
sighed. “I’m n-”
“You’ve done it for ages Obi-Wan. I
know when you’re exhibiting mating behaviors.” The older man
chuckled in sympathy.
“What?” The winged Jedi froze, eyes
Plowing on, Qui-Gon settled his cane
against the couch and patted the other on the shoulder. “When
you’re around him, your voice changes, it gets…lighter almost.
You display your wings a bit more, showing them to him and ruffles
your feathers and you always preen them or your hair as Anakin
indicated when you know you’re going to meet Mace.” He rubbed the
shoulder as Obi-Wan gave a low moan of horror. “And if you know
he’s watching you spar, you tend to get more…flamboyant in your
Qui-Gon wasn’t going to mention the
time Obi-Wan made a nest out of the pillows on the couch
He really didn’t think that would go
over well with him.
“And if you’ve invited him to tea
you also tend to have his favorite biscuits ready.”
“…Preening, voice changes as if I’m
trying to sing, display behavior and feeding behavior.” Obi-Wan
summed up then dropped his face in his hands. “Oh Force. D-Does he
“I don’t know Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon
confessed to the young knight.
“Oh Force.” Obi-Wan pulled his feet
up on the couch and hid in his legs, arms wrapped around them. “I
can never look him in the eyes.”
“You know that the Order is
understanding of your needs Obi-Wan. A mate inside the order would be
“Not Mace Windu! What in all Force
name could he see in me? I’m…I’m weird and different an-”
Warm arms wrapped tightly around him.
“Stop that Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon pulled
the man into his lap and scratched the wing connections, knowing it
was easier to do that to get the other to relax. As expected, Obi-Wan
melted into his arms. “You know that you aren’t suppose to say
such things about yourself.” He offered in a quieter tone. “You
are well respected in the Order, the first Sith slayer, a top notch
negotiator and a skilled lightsaber wielder.”
Sometimes Qui-Gon disliked himself
severely, because it was obvious that Obi-Wan’s self loathing and
doubt had come from his apprenticeship under Qui-Gon. Perhaps it was
good that physically he wasn’t able to train Anakin and Obi-Wan had
taken him on instead, at least he couldn’t fuck over Anakin’s
“Obi-Wan. You are a knight of the
order and he’s lucky to have your attention.” Qui-Gon rumbled as
the younger man dropped his head against Qui-Gon’s collarbone.
“That…it still doesn’t have to
mean he likes me in return.” The knight muttered, wings rustling a
“No, but you could ask him on a date
to find out. You know he can’t ask you even if he wanted, he’s a
council member and you are a knight, its a power issue.” Qui-Gon
rubbed along Obi-Wan’s back.
“…What if he says no?”
“Then he says no and you could turn
your attention elsewhere. Your species requires you to gain a mate.
You’re starting to get towards the point in your life that you need
a mate Obi-Wan or your health will decline from not having that
bond.” Qui-Gon scratched gently at the wing connect. “You got
your parental bond and you got a hatcling bond. Me and Anakin. But
you need that mating bond too.”
“Well, I’d wait until you had him
alone but yes. Just ask him.” Qui-Gon chuckled quietly. ‘And if
he says yes, I can give him the shovel talk.’
Obi-Wan gave a low noise then sat up a
bit, starting to run his fingers through Qui-Gon’s hair.
Peacefully, the older man submitted himself to it while scratching
lightly still. He’d gotten used to Obi-Wan’s preening behavior
“Master Mace!” Obi-Wan tried not to
rush to catch up to the other man, almost exhaling in relief when the
Master of the order stopped to let him indeed catch up.
“Knight Obi-Wan.” The Korun nodded,
smiling faintly as he did. “Walk with me? I’m afraid my schedule
is rather full today. But I have a few moments to talk on the move.”
“Oh, yes, of course.” Obi-Wan fell
into step beside the other man. ‘Oh Force, I feel so nervous.
Please tell me my feathers aren’t puffed up. Please…’
“So, was there something you needed?”
Mace questioned as they walked.
“I was actually wondering if you may
have time sometime this week f-for dinner. With me. And just me.”
Obi-Wan stared forward, to nervous to actually look the other in the
Oh Obi-Wan’s stomach sunk like a rock
at the surprise in Mace voice and he felt faintly nauseous. A ruffle
behind him told him he was puffing up and he inwardly cursed as he
felt humiliation settle around his shoulders like a heavy cloak.
“Y-Yes. With me. I-”
“Are you asking me on a date Knight
Mace had stopped moving and Obi-Wan was
frozen beside him, desperately trying to get his mouth to work again,
to tell him it was just a casual thing but nothing wanted to leave
his mouth. Oh Force, do something, say SOMETHING Obi-W-
A gentle hand rested on his shoulder.
“Obi-Wan?” A soft steady voice.
It was the only thing that made Obi-Wan
look at Mace, to see the soft, open look on the others face. “Are
you asking me on a date Obi-Wan?” He offered quietly.
“…Y-Yes. Yes. I am…w-would you be
interested?” He whispered shakily.
“I would. Perhaps we could speak
about it tomorrow?” Mace squeezed his shoulder with care.
If you're taking requests, can you please do a myth about one of the primordial Greek gods, like Nyx?
absolutely can, although maybe not Nyx, as she’s not often the central
character in the surviving myths we have, which honestly does not do justice to
her role as namesake of my favourite makeup brand. Instead, I have written about the
births of Kronos and Zeus, because Nyx makes a fleeting appearance and also
most of the gods are primordial (primordial douchebags, am I right? I’m totally right.)
If you don’t
fancy reading about nubile oiled men, the importance of good table manners, and
the origins of Wolverine from X-Men, feel free to skip by pressing J on your
keyboard. Extra context and literary stuff under the cut, as always!
And the Father of the Year Award Goes to Absolutely No-one
Before the world came to be, there was something. We’ll call it Chaos, because that’s what it was called, but it wasn’t like, chaos chaos, like when you’re running late for work and the toaster starts ballsing up and then suddenly the cat’s puking into your shoes and your mother’s phoning to tell you that your father is actually your uncle. It was more of a chasm, like a kind of tangible nothingness, made up of the elements of everything which would later become actual stuff, like the sea and the sky and sprouts, which actually sounds kind of rad, except there was no-one there to appreciate just how poetic it all was.
Except one day, something just kind of happens, and suddenly there’s someone there, and her name is Gaea, and she is the Earth. Like, literally. She is what we would now recognise as a planet. Which is fine. Real women have curves, etc.
Now, at this point, Gaea is just kind of hanging around by herself, when along comes Tartarus, who is the primordial divine personification of a realm of eternal torture and pain and is probably really shit at parties, and Gaea decides that Tartarus isn’t really the ideal best friend. She really can’t imagine having slumber parties with Tartarus and braiding each other’s hair over all the haunting wails of the dead. She’s kind of happy to have company, but being stuck with Tartarus is sort of like when you turn up late to a party and have to hang around by yourself for a while until some white guy with dreads shows up and starts talking about capitalism; it’s slightly better than loneliness, but not much, and also it makes you want to drink more.
So, one day she’s like “it’s kind of lonely here in the middle of nowhere with only a torturous realm for company, this is like living in Wales and frankly I won’t stand for it,” and then bam, she’s not alone anymore, because the void has spat out a new companion and this exceptionally hot dude is standing there, and he’s butt-naked and all toned and curved and probably oiled, because this myth is from Ancient Greece, and Gaea is like “holy buttocks, who in Chaos are you?” and the beautiful man just sighs wearily and says “I’m Eros, and I’m literally here for the sole purpose of making people want to do unspeakable things to one another.” Gaea pseudo-frowns and she’s like “what kind of unspeakable things, because if you mean relentless murder and ceaseless slaughter, then honestly, I think that’s just in my blood, I’m an Ancient Greek deity,” and Eros is like “have you ever wanted to just lie someone down and cover them in chocolate sauce?” and Gaea metaphorically wrinkles her proverbial nose and she’s like “no, that sounds unsanitary and also I’m a planet,” and then Eros clicks his fingers and says “how about now?” and Gaea does this weird little shiver thing, probably dislodging mountains and causing tectonic plates to collide like bodies on a dancefloor, and she’s like “do that again,” and Eros takes a few steps back and he’s all “no offence, but I’m the only other guy here, and I’m really more of a peanut butter guy myself.”
Then Gaea is like “as fantastic as those few moments of delight were, what’s the actual point? Like, why is it so important that people get the urge to do unspeakable things to each other up against barnyard doors? I mean, we were both just sort of born out of the ether with no need for body parts rubbing and touching in any pleasing way whatsoever, so why can’t things just carry on like that? What’s the need for the horizontal tango?” and Eros just shrugs and waves his sculpted arms a bit and says “plot holes, no pun intended.”
After a while, other things start to appear, like night (Nyx) and day (Hemera) and the realm of eternal, unflinching darkness, known as Erebos, and eventually Gaea just gets tired of having all these things floating around her like One Direction fans outside an arena, and so she does the only thing she can do, seeing as privacy screens haven’t been invented yet, and she gives birth to the sky and uses it as a makeshift veil. The sky’s name is Uranus, and, as it turns out, he’s virile as hell, because pretty soon he’s impregnated Gaea, and she gives birth to Oceanus, who is the divine personification of the sea, which means he’s totally wet and basically hates conflict, and then she gives birth to Kronos. Like his brother Oceanus, he’s a Titan, which means that he is part of the race of elder gods, along with their older siblings, including Thea, Rhea, Hyperion and Iapetos, among others, because condoms haven’t been invented yet, and let’s be honest, Uranus is totally the kind of guy who’d pretend that he couldn’t use them for reasons of girth.
Then, because this family isn’t fucked up enough already, Gaea gives birth to three giant monsters, the Hecatoncheires, who all have a hundred hands and fifty heads and can also control storms, which makes me wonder why they cast Halle Berry in X-Men and not just a hideous CGI conglomerate, and then she (Gaea, not Halle Berry) gives birth to three more monsters, each with one eye, called the Cyclopes. When Uranus sees his six new beautiful children, he’s all “wow, those came out of you? They must take after your side of the family,” and Gaea says “technically, you ARE my side of the family, sonsband,” and Uranus is like “shit, yeah, this is probably why incest is frowned upon, isn’t it? Anyway, I think you should just put them all back, to be honest,” and Gaea is like “what do you mean ‘put them all back’?” and Uranus is like “well, you know, back up the ol’ pipe,” and Gaea is like “say ‘pipe’ one more time and I’ll shove something up yours,” nobly resisting the urge to make a pun on his name, but Uranus is like “sorry, can’t hear you, I’m too busy shoving these gigantic monster children back into your womb,” and he’s not even lying.
Obviously, this causes Gaea some Problems™, and so she decides that maybe it’s time to get rid of Uranus. When he’s asleep, probably dreaming about changing his name by deed poll, she gathers together all of her children – the ones who aren’t currently rolling around in her uterus, anyway – and she’s all “look, I’m going to level with you here. Your father is a dick. I could do so much better. I deserve Ryan Gosling, not some dude who thinks it’s OK to use my birth canal as a storage locker. I need your help, kids,” and then she takes out this absolutely massive sickle, and she says “this sickle is made of adamant, which is a radical new element that I made for this specific purpose. It’s stronger than Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson after a meal of spinach, and without meaning to blow my own trumpet, it really is the goddamn poodle’s privates. Like, if I were to create my own super powered mutant soldier, I’d probably coat his bones with this shit and maybe make him some awesome claws of the same stuff, because this? This stuff is nearly unbreakable. It’s totally fit for purpose,” and then her kids are like “by ‘purpose’, do you mean that you want us to use that sickle on our father?” and Gaea nods sagely and she’s like “I want you to use it all over him,” and her kids confer with one another, drawing some diagrams and making detailed notes, and then they turn back to her and say in unison “nope.”
Except they don’t say it completely in unison, because Kronos, the youngest of her Titan children, pipes up like “I know what needs to be done, grandma-mother,” and Gaea says “do you?” and Kronos nods and says “I do. I know exactly what you want me to do, 100%. I understand your plan completely. I volunteer,” and Gaea places her hand firmly on Kronos’ shoulder and grins and she’s like “grandson-son, let us put our shared plan into action,” and Kronos takes the sickle and he’s like “you can count on me, grandma-mother, I won’t let you down,” and Gaea probably just groans a bit because she’s still full of monster children.
Later that night, Uranus comes over to Gaea for a night of nocturnal naughtiness, and he’s about to cock his leg in a jaunty and arousing manner and be like “let us kiss with tongues, mother-wife,” when he hears this battle cry from behind him, and before he can turn around to see what the fuck is going on, Kronos has leapt on him with this massive sickle, and then Kronos raises the sickle above his big Titan head and brings it down in a swooping arc, right on Uranus’ dick. Like, that’s it. He just cuts it clean off, severing it right at the base, then throws it over his shoulder like salt in the Devil’s face, and Uranus just starts sobbing and says “for a Titan, that really wasn’t tight at all. I knew that having kids would be difficult, but this just absolutely takes the proverbial biscuit,” and he leaves, because there’s not a lot else he can do, really.
When he’s gone, Gaea turns to Kronos and she’s just like “you cut his dick off?” and Kronos nods proudly and says “our plan has come to fruition, mother,” and Gaea rolls her eyes and she’s like “I was thinking more along the lines of ruthless patricide, but I guess your idea also worked,” and Kronos wrinkles his nose and he’s all “what kind of monster would kill their own father? Balls or no balls, I still need the old guy to teach me how to throw a ball, y’know,” and Gaea just rolls her eyes and she’s about to make some remark about how a good father probably wouldn’t shove his kids back inside their mother, when Uranus’ testicles, which have landed in the sea, start to foam, and from the dick foam this beautiful woman emerges, and she’s like “I need two things. Firstly, I need a bath, because honestly, natural childbirth has absolutely nothing on what just happened to me, and secondly, I need a dry martini and a nubile young man,” and Gaea is all “literally who the fuck are you?” and the woman is like “I’m Aphrodite, and I really want to just reiterate that I’m covered in dick foam, so can we keep this conversation as brief as possible, like three seconds max” and Kronos is like “go to Cyprus, there are baths there beyond your wildest dreams,” and Aphrodite goes to Cyprus and presumably bathes in bleach for about three years.
Meanwhile, Uranus, hiding away in shame and anger, mutters under his breath something very sinister, something along the lines of “I hereby prophesy that the end of the Titans shall fall very soon, as they are overthrown by their own treacherous children and punished for their sins, signed Uranus xoxo.”
A whole bunch of time passes, and honestly, what happens next is incredibly complicated and involves more birth scenes than a director’s cut of Alien, but in a nutshell, a whole bunch of gods book a hotel room with each other, producing generations of gods, nymphs and other creatures. Kronos himself marries Rhea, his sister, and the two of them have a whole bunch of children, including Hestia, Demeter, Hera, Poseidon and Hades. Now, you’d think that Kronos, having seen the effect that bad parenting can have on a marriage and indeed a penis, might be a better father to his own kids than Uranus had been to him. You would be wrong. In fact, Kronos takes fatherhood to new lows. Having heard Uranus’ prophecy that he is fated to be overthrown by his own son, Kronos takes a leaf out of his father’s book and decides that the best place for his children is inside their parent. However, unlike Uranus, Kronos doesn’t put them back inside their mother; presumably remembering how THAT had turned out, he puts them inside himself instead, and swallows them whole, barely even tasting them. Honestly, I’m not sure why he didn’t chew them first, but whatever. He doesn’t.
After her brother-husband has eaten five of her children, Rhea begins to get a bit fed up (and honestly, why it took five attempts for her to get sick of this shit, I also have no idea; clearly, neither of them are Parent of the Year). So, when she becomes pregnant for the sixth time, she finds her mother-mother-in-law, Gaea, and she’s like “look, I know that Kronos was always your favourite son because of the time he helped you chop off dad’s dick, but now Kronos is BEING a dick, and I need your help,” and Gaea is like “Kronos stopped being my favourite child the moment he copied his dad and internalised his children. If only he could have taken after his mother more, and been awesome and totally opposed to infanticide. Well, I’ll tell you what; that son you’re carrying is going to save you from a life of matrimonial fatigue, but you have to do a couple of things first,” and Rhea says “just tell me what to do,” and Gaea is like “you have to run away, give birth in a magic cave, and pretend that your son is a rock,” and Rhea just sighs and she’s like “honestly, my kids are probably better inside Kronos’ digestive tract and away from this family unit,” but she does what Gaea asks.
So, when Rhea has given birth to her son – whom she names Zeus, which is a name you may be familiar with – she finds a huge rock and swaddles it, dressing it in a fetching babygro with the motif ‘DADDY’S LITTLE FLESH CHILD, MUMMY’S LITTLE NOT-A-GEODE’ and hands it to Kronos. Kronos takes one look at the rock and says “this baby has my eyes, darling,” and then promptly swallows it whole, completely falling for the trick, believing that he’s swallowed his fifth child. Rhea, presumably wondering if Kronos and the rock have more in common than she first thought, goes off to raise her baby in secret.
After a while, yet more time passes and Zeus grows up into an absolutely strapping young god, all bearded and muscled and, most importantly, not swilling around inside Kronos’ bowels, and Gaea is like “OK, grandson. The prophecy says that you will overthrow your father, so the first thing to do is to make him throw up,” and Zeus is like “why would I do that? When dad overthrew HIS dad, he got to use a phenomenal sickle, and I just get to use a bit of bad ham?” and Gaea says “firstly, you’re right, that sickle was fucking sick, and secondly, your father never chewed his food, and you have a few siblings who are probably very grateful for that, although honestly they’d be a tad less grateful if they’d ever had to sit opposite him at dinner, rather than inside him,” and so Zeus goes off to find Kronos.
When he finds him, he slips him an emetic herb, and Kronos immediately throws up his children, all covered in stomach slime but still alive and fully grown. Zeus is like “hey siblings, I’m Zeus, and honestly, I will never fully comprehend what you have been through, but I hope we can bond over this experience anyway,” and Hades is like “I think there’s a bit of partially digested carrot in my hair,” and Hera says “no, that’s just stomach lining, but you do have something unspeakable on your shoulder,” and Demeter says “thanks for saving us, Zeus, but dad looks super pissed that you just made him throw up his children,” and Kronos mutters “and that great bit of roast ham that I had for lunch.”
Zeus just shrugs and he’s like “well, there’s this prophecy which says that dad’s going to look defeat right in the face very soon and I’m going to be the one who puts it there, so honestly, I’m going to just let him have this one. I’d probably be angry too, if someone gave me a prophecy which told me that my child would overthrow me and I subsequently internalised that child for my own protection and suzerainty, only to have the child break free from my body somehow. Boy, that would really blow.“
Glaring at his family, just about managing to speak through his anger, Kronos snarls “you know what this means, son?” and Zeus sets his jaw into a rigid line, pushes his shoulders back so that his biceps look particularly rugged in his favourite white tank top, and then he digs into the pocket of his skinny black jeans and pops a tooth-pick into his mouth, chewing it with a pensive look on his face, and after a few tense seconds have passed, during which Kronos is just clenching his fists and trembling with unspent fury, Zeus says “yes, dad. This means war.”
My other retellings can be found here; my mythology blog is here; and my Mythology Mondays Facebook page is here. Thrilling.
So~ how about Ut Uf Sans and Us Sf Pap with an SO who is super smol and precious but also kinda on the chubby side and they’re super self conscious about it. They’re worried about sitting in their lovers lap because they think they’re gonna break their bones, and they’re always nervous about things like dresses or leggings or something because they think it makes them look like a busted can of biscuits etc? (I love these four in case you can’t tell. Notice a trend yet? Lmao)
Yaassss I had to do this one real quick. Us thick people always have those thoughts on the back of our mind. I have ass for days and wonder from time to time if those fuckin pants are gonna rip.
Sans vowed to look after your tiny self when you first started dating. He didn’t mind you packing a little extra meat on your bones. He lowkey has a kink for people who are thicker than him so when you tell him about your worries he’s a little surprised. ‘are you kidding babe? you aren’t even as big as you think you are. and you know i love the way you sit that ample ass on these bones.’ Yeah, Sans does not care about all that so please don’t be self conscious. He’s gonna show you just how beautiful you are to him.
Ohohoho don’t even get Red started! Doll, is that really how you feel? He adores your curves. He’s always had a weakness for the ones who are well endowed. When he lived in the Underground food was scarce. When he’d come in contact with a voluptuous being it normally signified beauty, health and the ability to bear children. It was a kink then and it’s a kink now. Don’t get him wrong, he love you inside out, especially your personality, however he loves him a person with a plump posterior. ‘don’t worry ‘bout breakin these bones doll, i’m pretty durable. i mean..wouldn’t kill me if you did break one or too~’
Ohhh nooo honey please don’t think that way. Stretch doesn’t have a problem with your weight. Although he could see why you feel that way with all the bullshit Barbie doll bodies these magazines keep advertising. However if you want to lose weight he’ll be there right beside you. He didn’t fall for your body but rather the type of person you are. Anyone who can become best friends with his brother Blue is defiantly a keeper. Just tell him what it is you need and he’ll help you get through it. That doesn’t mean he’s gonna stop complementing you every day on how beautiful you are. And if we’re being 100% honest Stretch happen to be an ass man. He enjoys groping you, sometimes out of the blue. And you already know his favorite position in the bedroom. Please don’t worry about breaking his bones Slim Jim ain’t as weak as he looks. <3
Huh? Did he hear you correctly? Why on earth would you feel that way darlin you’re absolutely perfect. He knows how people are nowadays and hopes that isn’t the reason you’re were feeling so self conscious. You look so gorgeous in any and all clothing you put on. He has to take at least one picture before you go though. When you were both having your heavy make out session when you began to truly feel uncomfortable. ‘hahh, get on top ‘a me.’ he purrs completely lost in the moment. You climb on top of him and shift a little so you’re barely on his lap. You tell him about being afraid to crush his bones. He says nothing but wraps your legs all the way around his waist and carries you to the bed room. You’re shocked at first but then he chuckles and kisses your check heh, ‘you’re as light as a feather to me so please don’t worry. there’s nothin i don’t already love about you darlin. i adore all of you. so what if you’re a little thicker than me, that just leaves more of you to love.’
I really hope I hit the mark hun! Yeah I know how much you love these dudes. I have a thing for any and all Paps for some reason so with them it was a bit more if you noticed. Anyhow it’s 11 at night and I’m tiredt so I’m hoping you like it.
The Melbourne-born actor Chris Hemsworth, 33, will tell you that there is no better place in the world than his native Australia, and he wants everyone else to know this, too: Mr. Hemsworth, who is most famous for playing the Marvel Comics superhero Thor in the 2011 eponymous movie and who is reprising the role in this fall’s “Thor: Ragnarok,” is on a mission to promote his homeland through his role as global ambassador for Tourism Australia, the country’s official tourism organization.
I needed inspiration/motivation to continue working on a fanart of Shino and Eugene (which I stopped because episode 45 took a heavy toll on me, lol) while I await for my client’s feedback, so I took a trip back at S1 when Tekkadan had good times like these, and no one’s dead *cries*
Anyhow, I’ve been amused at this part because of the characters in background: Dante and Chad wanting to see a fist fight happen, while Orga, Mika, Biscuit, and Aki are just chill and going on with their lives. I never realized until now that Yamagi’s in this scene. And look at that precious worried boy aksdjfhjshdhj ;w;
I have also noticed that there have been shots where Yamagi can be seen next to Shino. It’s like it’s ALREADY being implied that there’s going to be something between those two.