also australian!

Aliens are so used to humans wanting to pet the most deadliest creatures they find because PUPPER that they have prepared on every ship with a human crewmate. They have human sitting duties and at least 2 chaperones when going planet-side, just in case they get any ideas.

Then a crew gets a human for the first time and it’s everything like what the Human Care Manual says. The human is loud, but pleasant, always joke around with the crew and was tremendous during that Flokkut Raid on Sector 6. The human even brought a camera with it to take pictures on the ship (it’s bigger than most, downright obnoxious in shape to some of the crew, but the human is happy with it, and a happy human is a bonded human)

So then they go down to a planet, letting the human explore with his chaperones. After walking for a while the group stumbles on a herd of Dwetts, elks with fish eyes and flippers. The aliens sigh cause it was bound to see creatures sooner or later, and turn to give Acceptable Reason #6 from the manual, when the human disappeared! They freak out because how did the human leave??? Does it have invisibility??? That wasn’t part of the manual!! But they hear their human saying “guys, stop moving! You’re going to upset them!”

They look down to see the human lying on his stomach looking through his camera, taking pictures. They were shocked, but did as they were told and sat down. For hours they watched the human taking photos, being as quiet as still as possible. This couldn’t be the same human??

When the human was done, it got up, stretched, and headed back for the ship. The chaperones followed suit. When they got back the captain was surprised that they returned without a creature (even with 2 chaperones, he suspected that the human would win anyway) but was astonished to hear what had happened.

“You didn’t want to take one as these ‘pets’ for the ship??”

“No???? Why would I? They aren’t domesticated, they need space to live which the ship wouldn’t supply.”

“But aren’t they cute in human terms?”

“I mean, I would say more interesting than cute. But seriously, how would we take care of it? How to feed it, groom it, keep away from all the sensitive equipment? It would be dangerous for us and it if we take one from the wild. You really want one that badly?”

“Wha- No! It’s just…you seemed to like them?”

“I mean yeah, it’s a new animal species, and I did take pictures, but not as long as I hoped for. Honestly you have to look at the ecosystem here before getting any animals on board.”

The captain immediately notified the Human Care Committee that their section on animal bonding does not apply to human subclass professional wildlife photographer

I love it how when I speak in another language people tell me that I “have an accent”
Like, yeah, I have an accent in my first language, why are you surprised by this?

ya  books with romance & asian protagonists

bc asians can have love stories too okay

bolded = ownvoices; mc = main character; li = love interest; * = to be released; *** = romance is side plot




note: i haven’t read all of these, and i’m not sure of how much romance are in some of these, especially some of the ones that are to be released

also note: @asianya​ is a good resource for books with asian protagonists and has more recs

last note: you may have noticed that i didn’t include some of the popular ones; that was probably on purpose :)

Dear Prime Minister Trumble,

Please take the hint if you have only 640 viewers on Facebook live and they’re ALL hate watching it might be time to give up.

FFS just go and legislate Marriage Equality already!

Love, Australia

The signs as slightly depressing #JustAustrianThings

Aries: When you’re abroad and people tell you your accent sounds just like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s

Taurus: That culture shock™ when you are used to Gürtel and go to 1. Bezirk

Gemini: Those fundraiser people on the MaHü who talk to you all “friendly” even if you are wearing headphones

Cancer: Carinthia

Leo: Laughing at Tagespresse articles, then realising you actually reading the Kronen Zeitung

Virgo: The declining quality of Schnell Ermittelt

Libra: Wir sind Kaiser guests who aren’t Austrian and don’t really get the show which makes things hella awkward

Scorpio: Ingrid Thurnher’s empty stare when moderating debates and you can just feel her suffering inside

Sagittarius: That fucked up Aida that tries so hard to keep the illusion of class and tradition you have to walk past every day

Capricorn: The danube isn’t even remotely blue and the waltz is so overplayed it’s just cringy also that’s the reason flying with AUA is slightly aggravating

Aquarius: When Maschek cheered you up for exactly 2.54 minutes but now you have to face the reality of not-so-funny politics again

Pisces: Drunk af fans rioting during Football Championships when we lose… again… unsurprisingly

how i’m solving my current chris-is

This is how I tell The Chris-es apart:

Chris Evans

Captain America and Adorkable Meatball, who occupies a large Dorito-shaped portion of my heart

Chris Pine

Hipster Space Captain, who also happens to be the Son of Thor

Chris Hemsworth

Blessed be the pure heart of this Space Labrador, who also happens to be Australian and is the proud papa of Captain Kirk

Chris Pratt

Space-faring, music lovin’, Dancing Teddy Bear.  Also the son Han Solo wishes he had except Yondu beat him to it

(Why yes, this was inspired by Captain Kirk’s SNL appearance lately)


witches around the globe → australia
witches from australia live with oceans in their hair and dirt on their feet. they sing to nature and nature sings back, through the whisper of trees and the crash of waves - this great island is the witches playground, and they’re here to stay.

hot tip for roadrat fanfic

real australian phrases, from a real australian:

> no “shrimp”. it’s prawn. PRAWN.
> what in the blue blazes _______? (wtf ___?)
> yeah nah (it means no)
> nah yeah (it means yes)
> bloody oath (it means “i wholeheartedly agree”)
> spewin’! (it’s a bit hard to explain but basically if something bad happens and you’re upset about it you’re “spewin’”. eg. “crows beat port last night!” “aw mate, spewin!”
> drongo (a stupid person)
> c*** (friend, i.e. “how’re ya goin’, ***?”)
> also lots of australians call people “mate” if the person is being a dickhead. it’s a passive-aggressive way of getting your displeasure across while still seeming within social standards. BEWARE OF VOICE TONE as we also call our actual mates, “mates”

hope this helps


Probably the strangest thing about hockey in Australia is hearing commentators saying hockey things in Australian accents.