I'll Be Good
“Love,” Calum says before looking up at me instead of the white duvet. “I will let you go.”
(Or the one were Calum already broke Y/N. But now, she finally leaves.)
→ Author Note: I got the idea from one of my favourite music groups Years & Years. (Song xx) I suggest you listen to the song before you read because then you would get the gist of it! (Or do whatever, I don’t control you!)
I should’ve known that he was lying the first time I found out, I just decided not to. I mean, how stupid can I be. I’ve always said that if a guy ever cheated on me I wouldn’t give him a second chance, but here I am and allowing a guy to break my heart again and again, and I just let him.
The first time I’ve heard about Calum cheating was when he was on his second world tour. Calum always told me not to listen to the tabloids and just listen to him, but it was quite hard to not listen to the tabloids when the pictures just seem so real.
“Cal?” I ask, my voice wavering as I look threw the magazine that has Calum kissing a girl in a nearly dark lit night club, except of the glowing neon lights that brighten somewhat of the picture, but it is enough for me to see this girl kissing Calum. “Hey love, what’s up?” Calum ask, his voice nonchalant like nothing happen, like he didn’t do anything. “So, I’m like in the grocery store right? And I see this picture of you and, and it says that your cheating on me,” I choke out, as I try my hardest not to cry my eyes out in the grocery store probably lurking around with paparazzi, like how it was outside.
“Love, you know I wouldn’t ever cheat on you,” Calum breaths into the phone. “But Calum they seem so real. Like you’re in a nightclub in one of photos and then there is one were your pulling a girl into the bathroom? Calum, if you’re doing it just tell me. It would hurt way less than me finding out.” I breathe, as I feel a tear run down my cheek and I quickly move my hand to wipe it off my cheeks.
“Jesus Christ, Y/N its Photoshop, you know this. And you also know that I would not do this to you. Love remember what I said when we first got together, you have to believe me, not the magazines, not the news, you have to believe me.” Calum speaks his voice stern and caring all in one. I take a huge breath before nodding my head and placing the magazine back onto the rack and tugging my way along the bread aisle. “I guess it was stupid for me to believe them, yeah?” I laugh as I hear Calum’s laugh also. “Y/N it’s not stupid. I mean it’s your first time being with person that’s like really famous, so I can’t blame you for getting this scared. I love you, just remember that,” Calum tells me. I speak back the words that Calum said to me before canceling the call and stuffing my phone into my purse.
The second time I’ve heard, well more like witness, Calum cheating before my eyes was when Calum came back home from his second tour.
“Love can you get my phone from the night stand please!” Calum calls as I see him walking to the fridge to get another beer while the soccer game is on commercial. “Yeah sure,” I breathe out as I finish the last article of clothing to get folded. I put the basket back onto the ground before dusting my hands and making my way upstairs and into Calum’s and I’s room to get his phone on the nightstand.
As I grasp the phone in my small dainty hands, I feel Calum’s phone vibrate in my hand, as I stare down at it I see the text message run across the screen. ‘When are you coming back on tour? I miss you sooooooo much :( ‘I feel my breath hitch as I continue to re-read the message over and over again. I finally look at the contact name and it says Sandy. So I guess Sandy is the one that is seeing Calum while he has a few days off from tour.
“Love, what are you? What are you doing,” Calum ask as he makes his way over to me and takes the phone out of my hand. “Who’s Sandy, Calum?” I ask, as I place my hands on my hips and stare at Calum as he looks at the message before looking at me. “She’s just a fan that I met on tour,” Calum breaths out before placing his hands on his hips also.
“Oh is she now? Is this ‘fan’ of yours the one that you have been cheating with me on? Is this ‘fan’ of yours the person that you see when you have your days off tour instead of seeing me?” I state as I feel the tears in the back of my eyes. “Y/N do you hear yourself right now? You sound crazy! You know that I would never do that to you!” Calum exclaims before taking my hands in his.
“Do I? Do I actually know that you wouldn’t have done that,” I state before letting go of Calum’s hands and walking back into our room and begin packing my stuff. “Baby, where are you going?” Calum ask as he stands near the door way and looks at me packing my stuff. “I’m going to stay at Jessica’s house tonight? Clear my head, and maybe think.” I say my voice hollow and stern.
“What are you going to think about there? Can’t you think about it here?”Calum breaths, out while running his hand threw his chestnut hair. “I’m going to think about if I should stay with you or if I should go.”
There were many more but these memories were probably the ones that hit me more than any of the other ones because they were basically just repeated. The text messages, the tabloids and its pictures, and then the phone calls, and then the constant lying it’s just too much for me.
“Love, why are their suitcases by the door?” I hear Calum yell from downstairs before I hear his feet shuffling up the stairs and his footsteps padding along the hallway until they reach the front of our bedroom.
“Whose stuff is in suitcase downstairs? Is your mom coming to stay a few days?” Calum asks as he places his case down in front of the closet doors. “It’s mine,” I speak while staring at Calum. Calum knots his eyes in confusion before speaking again.
“Where are you going? It looks like all your stuff is packed,” Calum breaths out. I nod my head while standing and making my way over to him. “All my stuff is packed Calum. I’m going to leave. Like for good. I can’t keep doing this anymore,” I say as I wave my hand between the both of us.
“All the stuff that you did to me, it ripped me apart. All the lying that you did to me, all the constant text messages, and arguing, it ripped me apart! God it did, and you still told me to listen to you and never the tabloids but god Calum you just ruined me, you know? You just lied to me every time I asked if you ever cheated on me. And the worst part is, is that I let you! I let you lie to me and hurt me; you broke my heart so much that I don’t think I even have a heart anymore. There just scattered around every room in this house that you lied to me in. I’m sorry Calum, but I’m done, I can’t do this anymore. This pain is just too much. I played too many games with you,” I state.
“Love, I’m so sorry, but I can fix this. I swear I can fix this. I’ll stop everything just for you! You’ve been there for me at all my toughest moments but now it’s my turn for me to be there for you and all your toughest moments.” Calum breaths out before I see tears run down his cheeks. “I’m sorry Calum but you’re too late,” I breathe out.
“Love, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’ll make it better, I’ll be better. I’ll do what you like if you stay the night! Just don’t leave me, you’re all I have, and I know that I treated you like shit, like utter shit, but I’ll be good, just for you. I love you so much, love , just give me one more chance,” Calum cries out, and it breaks my heart to see him like this.
“I give you too many chances, Calum.” I breathe out, and my stern face and steady voice manages to disappear and I feel my cheeks begin to burn under my skin and tears begin to fall down my burning cheeks. I don’t even get to wipe my burning and tear soaked cheeks before I feel Calum hands wiping my tears away and pressing his lips against mine.
Here I am, crawling under his skin and trying to breathe as he continues to drag me back down with him, but he isn’t dragging me back down. I’m sinking. I’m pressing myself into him and holding his neck with all the passion that I crave for him. I’m pressing my lips against his like this will be the last time we will ever meet again, like the many times I have done when he is about to fly off to another city. “You hurt me Calum. You hurt me so fucking much,” I breathe against his lips as he continues to wipe the tears down my blazing cheeks before pressing his lips against mine. He has, Calum has hurt me so much and I just can’t seem to let him go because I’m just so in love with him and when you’re just in love with someone for so long, you just accept what they do and you don’t push them away, because for me I surely can’t.
“I know love, I hurt you so fucking much and I’m sorry about that, just don’t leave me, please,” Calum voice cracks as he speaks to me. I love him. I love him so much, and I have always seen a future with him. “I don’t want to leave you Calum, but I have to. I can’t keep on getting hurt by you.” I say to him while brushing the tears that run down his now blazing cheeks.
“I just can’t let you go, fuck,” Calum huffs out before gasping me by my neck gently and pressing his lips against mine. His lips stay on mine until his tongue swipes my bottom lip and I grant his invitation before his tongue is dancing on mine. Swirling, and twirling around on my tongue. Calum removes his hands from my neck and grasp my hips into his hand and he picks me up like I weigh nothing.
From there he carries me to the bed and gently places me down on the bed before gently placing a kiss on my forehead and from their he cascades his lips down my lips to my neck and then my collarbones. I moan as his lips meet mine again before his sinful fingers begin to tug up blouse and throw it over my head. “You’re so beautiful. You have such a beautiful body. Beautiful face, beautiful personality, beautiful hair, beautiful lips. You’re just so beautiful,” Calum whispers to himself but loud enough for me to hear and my stomachs flutter but my heart also broke, because how many girls has he said that to.
A moan falls from my lips when I feel Calum’s burning lips press down my stomach before his long slender fingers begin to undo the belt, buttons, and zipper on my jeans before tugging them off with my panties. Calum leaned back down, opening me up and licking gently. “Fuck,” Calum whispered leaning further in and licking more, everywhere except my clit, where Calum knew I needed him the most.
“Calum, fuck,” I moaned brokenly. “Don’t fucking stop. Feels so good,” I whined as I buried my head into the bed and my hands into his now messy hair. I felt Calum’s hands move away from holding my thighs to running his hands down the curve of my body. Calum flicked my clit with the tip of his tongue, and I know that he felt me tense up a little.
“You’re so sensitive here, huh?” Calum asked, while he looks up from me in between his thighs and I just moan from the sight. And Calum does it again and again until he was licking my clit faster and faster, feeling my muscles tense up beneath him.
“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” I moan as my thighs begin to quiver against Calum’s face and my hips stuttering. “Don’t stop, don’t stop. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m gonna come, baby.” I moan out, and I feel one of Calum’s arms let go of my stuttering hips and interlock his fingers with mine. “Calum, fuck,” I moan as my hips were bucking up to meet Calum’s tongue, and my words becoming a babbling mess. “Shit, fuck.” I whimpered, my hips moving faster until I came, crying out Calum’s name.
Calum worked me through my orgasm before rising up and licking his lips and pressing them against mine. I pull away from Calum’s lips, before getting on my knees and quickly peeling his t-shirt over his head, after Calum peels off his shirt he begins to tug of his pants and boxers off before pressing his lips against mine once again. And I know that I am not thinking, I know that I am not thinking clearly because the only person that I am thinking about right now is Calum. Calum is the only thing that I am focusing on right now. I am only focusing on how Calum is staring at me as he presses his thick, heavy, member inside of me.
I moaned out at the feeling, only knowing that this will be the last time before I will ever be intimate with someone again. Calum begin thrusting, just gentle little bumps of his hips but every two or three strokes he’d circle his hips which would make me cry out. I widened my thighs as Calum’s muscles relaxed some more while also burying himself deeper in me.
“Fuck, Calum!” I gasped, wild with passion. “Fuck! Let me… love… you…” Calum panted out desperately while his eyes met mine. “Calum,” I whimper when Calum thrust into me. Calum grabbed my hips as he sank the farthest he could go. “Yes, fuck, right there” I groaned, flicking my hips to met with Calum’s thrusts.
Our sex was always like this, always intense, and mind-blowing but fuck! This was something else. Maybe it’s because I’m leaving, and never coming back, that Calum is putting all of his love and passion into me. And I wish that it didn’t have to be this way, but I’m tired and this love and passion that Calum is giving me right now, is only fueling me to stay with him, and I don’t want that.
“I love you,” Calum whispers, his voice ruined as tears begin to build up in his eyes before he presses a kiss to my lips and then begins to pick up his paste. It’s starting to get faster, and it’s starting to burn more, the feeling inside me is beginning to burn more, and the tears beginning to run down my cheeks. I gently reach up and grasp Calum’s neck in my hands and press his lips against mine. And they burn, his lips burn against mine, like they always have, like his lips are poison and he is trying to poison me and beat me and break me down, and the sad truth is, that they did.
“I’m gonna come, Calum,” I moan out and open my eyes and look into Calum’s eyes. And their red and Calum just presses his lips to mine before sucking a bruise onto my neck. “Let go love, let go,” Calum breaths before taking his hand and reaching down and rubbing my clit. All I see before I come is those brown eyes. Those brown eyes that use to stare at me constantly with love and happiness, and those brown eyes that use to make me cry with joy and love, but now those brown eyes are making me cry with sadness and worry.
“Fuck, Y/N please, just stay with me, I’ll be good. And I know I made it worse but love, I swear, I’ll be good, I’ll be better. Just give me another chance,” Calum cries out while hugging me tight to his body. And just like Calum, I break down and cry, this isn’t easy, leaving someone that you love, leaving someone that you told everything too, and leaving someone that you spent so much time with isn’t easy, but I have to go. I have to leave. This is for me.
“I’m sorry Calum but I have to go. I have to leave, I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry but I have to go,” I cry out before tugging out of Calum’s strong grip. I grasp the blanket that I have spent so many memories in, and wrap it around my body before picking up all my clothing and tugging them on my body.
“Love, I’ll change. I promise I will change, just don’t leave me,” Calum whispers as he sees me by the door to our bed room. “I thought you love me?” Calum ask, while he moved more of the blanket onto his lap.
“Believe me Calum, I love you, but I can’t, I can’t stay in this relationship that just keeps beating me up. I love you, Calum, and just maybe we could be together again but I don’t know.” I say my voice stern like when he first saw me today.
“Love,” Calum says before looking up at me instead of the white duvet. “I will let you go.”