also!!!!!!! thank you for no cleavage whilst shes on the floor!!!!

— american candy (02)

chapter → 01. / 02. 

pairing : reader x jeon jungkook
themes : smut / drama + angst / high school! au
warning! → graphic sexual content
keywords : dry-humping + oral sex 
word count : 9.0k 
summary : you’re seemingly content basking in the benefits of your newfound friendship with Jungkook — but everybody knows staying in the heat of the sun for too long can leave you burnt.

↳ a/n: everyone who has been waiting for this has the right to punch me in the face for taking this long to update. 9k words RIP. 

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Money can’t buy happiness (Harry Styles Imagine)

Can you do one where Harry is a business man and Y/N is a spoiled bitch?(and his wife) but they love each other ?

You better have bought me that bag I was asking for Mr Styles. Otherwise, don’t expect to see me when you get home.

Love from your darling wife,

Y/N

An email like that was normal for Harry. Normal for his kind of marriage; So he thought. Whenever Y/N demanded something he caved in and ran to her beck and call. If she asked for all the stars in the sky he would somehow manage to give them to her, because in Harry’s eyes Y/N deserved every single piece of the world. In Harry’s eyes Y/N was a Greek goddess that he couldn’t get enough of, no matter how many years went by.  
 

The drive home was a long one. Cars continuously obstructed Harry’s path causing his baby to have to wait even longer. Harry hated being late home. Leaving Y/N alone all day was bad enough and many days Harry had to fight the urge to turn back in morning rush hour traffic and go back home to his wife.

Sometimes Y/N would visit Harry in his office. Dressed in a beige Burberry mac covering lingerie which left little to the imagination, she would drape her petite frame across his desk murmuring sweet nothings against the business man’s neck. When she was satisfied by Harry’s manhood and tantalizing kisses she would leave, the echo of her louboutins playing over and over in Harry’s head.

She’s a tease, and she knows how to put Harry right where she wants him. But Harry enjoys it. He loves tiptoeing around her and running to his wife’s beck and call. It’s all part of the thrill.

Pulling onto the drive he looked up at the mansion. Walking to the door, Vivienne Westwood bag in hand, he fumbled in his back pocket for his keys. Entering into the hallway, Harry’s nostrils were greeted by the sweet smell of beef stew, his favorite dish made by her. Following the smell he was met by his beautiful wife, draped in an apron, wooden spoon in hand. Harry entrapped her from behind into a tight embrace causing a small giggle to leave her lips.  

“Home at last” she smiled, turning around to face her husband. “Hmmm” Harry mumbled, nuzzling himself into her neck. “Awww has my baby had a long day?” she cooed earning a nod from Harry. She then moved her husband towards the dining table and sat him down on a chair. “Now, Mr. Have you got what i asked for?” “Yes darling” the tall man spoke pointing towards the Vivienne Westwood paper bag that was slumped next to him. Pulling the handbag out she gasped in awe. “The exact one i wanted. Good boy” she smirked kissing Harry on the cheek before sauntering back over to the stove.

Harry watched his wife in awe. The dual personality she adorned ignited his soul. The bitchy side he knew all too well enthralled him and left him wanting more. Yet the cute, affectionate side she was showing now as she stirs the stew makes him feel warm and loved.  

Y/N loved playing into Harry’s hands. She wasnt a bitch, nor was she a gold digger. She just knew what made Harry tick and Harry’s enjoyment of this relationship was in her best interests. The gifts didn’t really mean anything to her, but the way Harry jumped at her beck and call made her feel powerful, loved and cherished.  

At the start of their relationship she was weak. Harry’s ego and wealth empowered her and she was unable to compete. At first, the showering of gifts seemed unnecessary to her. She isn’t with him for the money. But the fact he insisted made it easier to take. Not before long Y/N realised that if she wanted to get an upper hand on Harry the power of gifts was the way forward. So she began getting angry when he failed to deliver. 

-

“Baby, I’m home!” Harry bellowed through the house. Walking through the hall and into the living room he found her. “Here you are” he smiled. “Where’s my earrings?” she rudely scowled. “What earrings?” he asked, pure confusion etched upon his face. “The ones you promised me. You told me I would get them today.” Her glare was dangerous. “Oh, yes. I remember, I’m so sorry darling” the tall man hushed. Y/N turned away and smirked to herself, knowing that her plan had worked. “I’m disappointed and hurt Harry” she pretended to be upset. “What, why love? I’ll get them don’t worry!” he rushed towards her but she refused to meet his gaze. Growing panicked Harry pulled her towards him by the waist. “Y/N, darling. I promise tomorrow they will be with you. Okay?” “Fine” she spoke coldly pulling away from him and walking into the kitchen.

-

Since that day Harry has never slipped up or failed to produce once. And that’s when Y/N realised that she had finally gained power. Harry insisted that she stayed at home whilst he worked therefore she had no income of her own. Playing on this idea she would tell Harry that’s why she relies on the gifts. But it’s a lie. All she relies on is the power it gives her.  

She even held power when entering Harry’s office. That’s mostly why she visits. All the workers suddenly look interested in their computer screens whenever she walks by. No doubt scared in case the boss’ wife is on a lookout. The girls would scowl and look at her in disgust,  jealous of her perfectly styled hair and designer attire. Everybody wanted to be Harry’s girl; the difference was she actually is.  

“So, how was work today?” she asks, shoveling a spoonful of stew into her mouth. “Boring, Janice is slacking again” dipping his bread into the stew. “Maybe I might have to pop in again then, give her the glare” she winks causing Harry to chuckle. “You could always visit me too.. if you wanted to of course?” he asks, almost scared of her reaction. “Sorry, I’ve got better things to be doing” she spoke whilst filling her spoon. “Oh” the older man simply spoke. Y/N looked up only to see the look of sadness on Harry’s face.  

Bursting out laughing she covered her mouth with her perfectly manicured nails. “Harry I’m joking. Of course I will come and see you” she giggles. “Oh” he laughed, suddenly becoming aware of the joke that had been played on him. “Im not a total bitch you know. I mean, im not a bitch at all right?” she asks, becoming panicked. “No love your not” Harry replied. “When I demand for gifts it’s just for fun you know. I know you enjoy our little game as much as I do right?” she asks, feeling guilty for her behavior. “I know love. I know it’s all an act. I do remember the little innocent Y/N I fell in love with you know” he laughs whilst chewing on his stew. “But what about the Y/N sat right here now?” “The Y/N sat right here now is mature, dominating and fucking sexy” he replies reaching under the table and squeezing her thigh. Her angelic face is overcome by a smile as she looks lovingly at her husband.

The reassurance that Harry was happy with the game they were both playing was all that she needed and it wouldn’t be long before a new plan would make way into her head.

-

The next day Harry practically drowns in piles of paperwork whilst his PA sits outside probably swiping right on Tinder. He wishes he could be at home with Y/N more than ever.  

The clicking of Jimmy Choos could soon be heard as Janice the PA slams her phone down out of fear and horror. “Ah, Janice, that wasn’t a phone I saw was it?” Y/N asks. “No, miss” “Good, I wouldn’t want to have to inform my husband that his secretary is a full blown slacker now would I?” she smiles sarcastically. “Definitely not Mrs Styles” Janice practically shakes. “Good Darling. Because I’ll have you know that people are desperate to be sat in that chair right now and working for Styles Enterprise. Harry could have any PA that he wants. So I’d start doing some work if I was you” she growls whilst leaning down towards Janice. “Yes Mrs Styles” the younger girl frantically nods. “Good” Y/N nods back before sauntering into Harry’s office.

“Well, let me just say darling. You won’t be having problems with her again” she smiles, proud of herself. “Oh you didn’t” he smirks impressed by her work. “Oh honey, I did” she laughs whilst sitting on his desk next to his computer screen. She made sure to drape her legs over his crotch and lean over him to reveal her very ample cleavage. “So, what are you doing?” she asks, fluttering her eyelashes as Harry points to the large pile of paperwork. “Well that looks… fun” she laughs. “I can’t contain my excitement” he jokes back.  

Standing up she runs her finger over his crotch. “Well, I’ll do you a deal baby” she whispers down his ear causing him to bolt upright in his seat. “If you finish all this work I will reward you when you get home later, but I want proof that you have.” Harry’s Adam apple bobs as he gulps in anticipation. “Okay, deal” he finally speaks. She then sways her hips seductively and walks towards the door not before turning back towards the figure in the chair. “Oh Harry, I forgot to tell you baby” she cooes causing him to look up. “Mmmm” he hums back. With one swift movement her coat is undone and flat on the floor leaving her standing in a black lace corset set with matching suspenders.  

Harry’s instinct was to leap out of his seat eyes bulging wide. “Remember our deal daddy” she purs whilst picking up her coat and putting it back on. “Right, yes” he speaks, remembering what he has gotten himself into. “Tonight” he repeats. “Enjoy baby” she smirks and with one swift movement she was gone.

Walking towards the lift she giggled to herself. She had Harry right where she wanted him and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

This was requested by anon! Sorry it took a while but i have worked a lot on it so hopefully its good? Please like if you read. If you have a request please message me. Also message me with feedback on what you think of this, i’m intrigued to know. Thanks guys!

Kirstie xx

A Chance at the Hidden Power.

So I’ve written fan fiction, just not on tumblr. So heres my first ever fan fiction. Part 1! (Btw it took like a hour to come up with this name)

IF YOU HAVE WATCHED ‘ITS A BOY GIRL THING’ YOU’LL ENJOY THIS!! (IF YOU HAVNT I RECOMMEND IT)

Overall summary: You’re Ashton’s sister, the one of three siblings of world rockstar Ashton Irwin. You went to University and will graduate in photography. Photography was your life and you were lucky enough to have your brother ask you on tour to take photos of them. 

The band that is. Michael, Ashton, Luke and…Calum. Calum Hood. The worst person you will ever meet. He comes across shy and kind. Were as thats wrong. Calum is a massive douche, way to much ego and he thinks he’s the best bass player in the universe which he’s incorrect. You and Calum have never ever gotten along, not even when you went to school together and he was dating your best friend Amy. 

When you decided to go on tour Calum protested, a lot. You never thought that after an innocent visit to a local physic (to prove your point that the boys shouldn’t believe in that stuff, as it’s not true) you would wake up the next morning in someone else’s body.

This is Part 1

Words: 2.2K

Warning: Swearing..

Graduation. The one day you shouldn’t be nervous, you’d already found out that you had successfully completed the course and now you were to receive your diploma. But for some strange reason you were more then just a little nervous. You were in charge of the ceremony this year and you’d already managed to mess up the colour of the balloons. Your university colours were a ‘Sky Blue’ and white. Not a ‘Navy Blue’. To some there wasn’t much difference but to me it was a lot. 

I was also nervous because what if I trip up. You always see them videos of people going up to collect there diploma and tripping and falling. Or even after that what if you’re singing and the stands collapse or someone falls into you. Those things I shouldn’t be worried about because the stands were pretty solid and the gowns weren’t long enough for people to trip. I mean theres always shoe laces that they can trip over but the only people stupid enough to not have there laces tied up would be the people who rant attending this ceremony. 

The main reason why I was nervous was my older brother was supposed to be coming. I say ‘supposed’ because he had never text me if he was or not, within this week. You’re probably thinking ‘what a shit brother’ but my brother being Ashton Irwin it was a regular thing. He was never around, he tried his best but he was famous now. Even though he toured the whole world he was still my best friend and my brother. He meant a lot to me and looked after me Lauren and Harry. I had reserved him a place along with one of his friends. Unfortunalty Lauren, Harry and Mum couldn’t come because of school and work so Ashton was my last pick. I had also reserved a seat for one of his bandmates since I know he wouldn’t want to come alone. 

I looked at myself in the university bathroom mirror and straightened out my hat. I was wearing a tight black dress which had netting down the sleeves and part of the back. It had a nice view of my cleavage and the skirt was just above my knees showing off my smooth tanned legs. Which they took a long time to get that smooth I’m telling you. My black dress was topped of with yellow heels, a black robe and my graduation hat. 

I walked out of the bathroom and down the blue and white corridors of my university. This will be the last time I walk down here after 3 years of spending my life walking up and down these halls. I walked out the double doors and onto the field. It was a sunny day thank god. People were still just setting up and graduates were arriving with there families. I walked over to the main stage and grabbed a hold of the banner which had to be tied around the podium in which the head of the University will be stood behind. I grabbed a hold of the string and tied it around the podium making sure it was tied on tightly so it would slip down. I grabbed the celotape and stuck it around the string on the banner, making sure it was neat.

“Oi fucker” I heard and someone jumping onto my back. I turned around laughing at my best friend who’s hat was now on the floor. She picked it up and gave me a hug. Amy was my best friend since we were in diapers, she had long brown hair and deep blue eyes. She was always there for me and I love her a lot, she’s like my other half, some say we’re inseparable. My favourite thing though was that even though she’d lived in Australia for 18 years she still had her irish ascent. 

“Can you actually believe we’re graduating?” she asks 

“Not really, I remember in grade 6 when you wanted a pet kangaroo. Your mum said no so we went into the woods trying to find a kangaroo, like we were actually going to catch one”

“Hey I honestly thought a rope and a cowboy hat would make us expert catchers” 

“Well it didn’t, look where our imagination got us though, me graduating in photography and you in psychology” We both laughed and made our way towards Amy’s parents. 

“Hey Y/N, how are you?” Amy’s mum asked 

“I’m good, thank you, aren’t you so proud of your Amy” I said squishing her cheeks

“Aw stop you’re making me blush” she spoked slapping my hand away from her face

“We’re proud of both of you, its a shame your mum can’t be here but don’t worry we’ll cheer for you”

“Thank you guys” I laughed

We took our seats next to the stage and the more parents came with there graduates. Me and Amy were chatting about old times, I looked over to the reserved seat for Ashton and he still wasn’t here. I guess I was dreaming thinking he would actually take his few days off from his USA tour to come to my graduation. 


“Amy Lendrum, Physcholgy” the head teacher announces through the microphone. Amy stands up and waves to the audience, I laugh at her whilst she collects her degree walking off the other side of the stage. The head teacher laughs and calls out the next name.

“Y/N Irwin, Photography” I stood up from my seat smoothing down my dress. I walked on the stage and went to shake hands with the head teacher. 

“WOOO GO Y/N!!” I looked up and Michael, Luke and Ashton were stood on there feet cheering and clapping whilst the older people were giving them dirty looks. I laughed at them and grabbed my diploma walking off stage. I sat back down next to Amy and she was smiling at me. “Looks like they pulled through” 

“Yeah they did” I smiled, waving at the three lads. The head teacher went on about the graduates and what a successful year its been, the usual stuff that makes you want to throw up in your mouth. He finished the ceremony and called the graduates up to sing. We stood there singing our anthem holding hands once we were finished the audience clapped and we made our way to our families. 

“Y/N!”

“Ash” I shouted running up to him as fast as I could in heels and jumped into his arms. He hugged me back tucking his head into my neck. I heard sniffling and grabbed hold of his shoulders and pushed him back.

“Are you crying?” 

“No” He stated giving me his cheesy grin. 

“I missed you bud, haven’t seen you in over a year, you’ve grown up so much”

“Yeah look at them perky little tits” Michael moaned from behind, Ashton turns round swiftly glaring at Michael whilst I just laughed at the bright blue hair boy.

“Miss you too brother and I’ve missed you two idiot’s” I say grabbing a hold of Luke and Michael’s shirts and bringing them in for a massive hug. 

“We’ve missed you two Little Irwin” Luke spoke grabbing a hold of my ass. 

“Oh my god guys please stop flirting with my sister” Ashton groaned rubbing his eyes with his hands. I let go of the boys and faced my brother.

“Are you tired bub?”

“Yeah, we got straight off the plane and came straight here, jet lag mostly”

“Lets go home” I said grabbing hold of his arm walking towards the car park

“Oh one more thing” Ashton started as we walked towards the car “Calum’s driving” 

I stopped in my tracks hearing the person that I defiantly did not want to here on my graduation. My happy day. Calum.

“Come on it will be fine he promised not to say anything on your graduation day”

“Well I highly doubt that asshole will keep his promise”

“Y/N don’t let him ruin your day, you know better then that” I sighed walking towards the red car, black vans hanging out of the window with puffs of smoke coming from the lips of Calum Hood. He had black shades on the edge of his nose and was sporting a grey shirt and typical black skinny jeans. He whilsted at a pair of girls who walked past the car and they giggled, he had a smirk plastered at his lips. I rolled my eyes at them and him as he tucked his feet in the car and dropped his cigarette butt onto the floor. I opened the door behind the drivers seat and Ashton hopped in the front whilst Luke and Michael sat next to me.  

Calum had The 1975′s Settle down playing loudly on the radio, which was so loud I felt like my ears were bleeding. 

“Please could you turn the music down?” I asked as sweetly as I could, Calum smirked at me through the mirror and turned the music up. Ashton looked behind and at me I gave him a fake smile, probably showing my irritated state. Ashton laughed and turned down the radio as Calum was pulling away from the car space. He sighed and I smiled in victory.

Me and Calum. Well what can I say about that. We hate each other and its not one of those ‘hate’ where secretly they’re in love with the person it really is hate. I’ve hated him for such a long time, in fact I knew him before he met Ashton. You see Ashton went to a posh private school and mum didn’t have the money to send me to one so I had to go to public school.

I went to Norwest Christian college and it was a great school. Well apart from Calum. Me, Amy, Luke and Michael were friends. Amy usually hung out with Luke and Michael was my best friend. Also since Luke and Michael didn’t actually like each other until around year 10, it was always good to separate the boys. Michael always used to hang out with Calum and I didn’t mind. Until we actually spoke to each other, he was such a dick, he was always making snide comment here and there and it annoyed the hell out of me. I didn’t understand his problem because I never actually said anything to him.

When he met my brother and they started a band things got worse. It meant he was always round for band practise. He always picked on me and after 6 years of taking his insults, I had had enough. So I started to fight back which Calum hated even more as he would start to physically push me around and mess with my head. When we reached 16 he even tried to use sexual remarks, there is no way in hell I would go there. He’s a massive pile of shit and who wants to fuck that, apart from the few sluts that cling onto his arms. 

I haven’t seen him in over year and I was hoping that Ashton might have kicked him out of the band for being a dick. But no here he was driving into my driveway in his shitty red car and a boot full of suitcases. We parked up and Luke and Michael were bickering about who was getting dropped off next. I got out the car Calum and Ashton doing the same. 

“Wow haven’t seen you in over a year, still ugly as fuck huh?” Calum whispers

“This coming from the poster child for abortion” I smiled, he gave me his signature smirk and opened the boot of the car grabbing hold of Ashton’s suitcase. He lugged it on the floor with a groan and closed his boot giving Ashton a bro hug. I walked past and made my way to the door.

“So I’ll see you guys tomorrow?”

“Yeah we’ll be here at 10-ish”

“Ok” Ashton bro fisted Calum and walked after me as I opened up the door. Ashton waved to the car as it drove off into the distance and closed the door. I took off my hat and my robe and neatly folded it into a neat pile on the countertop. 

“So you’ve been on tour and with the boys for over a year and still they’re coming round tomorrow and you can’t spend time with me” 

“Hey, thats not true I’ve came home twice for at least 2 weeks and both times you were at Uni” he sighed flopping onto the couch.

“I’m sorry, but if I want to become a world famous photographer I got to study, not everyone is lucky enough to just get stuck in like you did” I grouchily said slumping in the sofa Ashton wasn’t laying on. 

“World famous huh? Whens mum coming home?” he yawned

“I don’t know Ash..these past couple of weeks she’s hardly been home” Ash looked at me confused and with sleepy eyes

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I think she’s met someone else and she’s been staying late at work and I’ve had to look after the kids”

“Well if she has he’s going to have to get my approval or I’ll kick his ass”

“Sure you will” I giggled 

“Im so proud of you Y/N”

“And I, proud of you” I whispered as he slowly fell asleep. I grabbed a hold of a blanket and placed it over his body kissing him on the forehead. Even if he was only back for a few days I’m still going to make the most of it and I still love my big brother as much as anyone who had a brother by there side 24/7. 

reverse-inversion-deactivated20  asked:

Patiently waiting for you guys to "mull things over and form thoughts" about the latest episode. ;)

Gratitude for your patience and faith, friend—but I’m afraid there’s not much to be added to what’s already been said. Odd inconsistencies (Snow Queen brought magic to this world, while even The Dark One couldn’t?), convenient coincidences (how Anna and the dude were found, and oh, how she found the bottle with… a rather long and neat ‘book of memoirs’ their mother wrote so quickly on a sinking boat, and shipped it in a bottle only to resurface next to her daughter when she least expected—but could need it most? Sure!) and numerous plotholes and banalities are something no one even pays attention to, anymore? Because apparently their target audience’s age range has now dropped below the age of nine, and hence the 9-ep storyline buildup that got full resolution (redemption included, only £9.99!) in like, what—under two minutes? *rolls eyes* Whatev. That’s all we’ve got to say about ‘Frozen on TV’. It only confirmed that OUaT creators’ ambitions reach only towards being a Disney marketing tool.

Apart from that (and back to the original OUaT characters and storylines that we DO care about) this is probably an unpopular opinion—but some of us didn’t really appreciate the ‘equally amplified hatred’ (of Regina’s, of course) being the driving force of this particular deus ex machina plot-resolution, of how Emma and Elsa got to get rid of those ribbons. So whether that particular scene was them going back to queerbaiting (along the lines of “they only interact every five episodes, so let’s throw our doggies a bone”, because—dwindling ratings?) or another ‘unintentionally’ ambiguous piece of dialogue, all that aside—I mean, really? Storybrooke’s survival relying on Regina’s ‘hatred’ for Emma? Sure. Let’s give haters even more reason to detest her! Because, you know. Nothing redeemable in how she bashes on ‘nemesis’. And all after that setup going towards Emma wanting to be her friend (she’s the only one who understands, and that’s so ‘special’?) but hey, any further development of that was obviously not intended as all they wanted to do was re-create the Frozen door scene (because, doh) and of course develop the friendship theme with Elsa instead? Because ‘Frozen on TV’ (that’s how kids call it these days, didnt’cha know?) got most of the screentime/emphasis, and THAT was their target audience (and market, to sell this particular Disney advertising to) this half-season. So, result: apparently Regina’s ‘worst self” is only amplifying what she feels for Emma, because she is ‘prickly but not hateable’ but Regina doesn’t seem to believe that despite their ‘truce’ based on understanding, established in 4x05. Really?

(Yes. We know. That was also conveniently forgotten and blatantly dismissed because it’s only the ForestShrub that’s supposed to ‘see’ and accept Regina for ‘who she is’ (which, lol—he didn’t ‘see’ further than his man-parts wanted to reach) and look at her with pathetically wimpy puppydog eyes—and it is SO random and contrived that their ‘romance’ desperately needed to be artificially solidified at ANY expense, no?)

Anyway. Speaking of stupid plot-devices and retconning, no one noticed the “You took my first true love from me!” accusation spat at Snow? I mean sure, we know that most of us were supposed to be entertained by their verbal jabs (because swords had none, and that wasn’t even a proper catfight as there was no hair-pulling) and by all means, the Evil Cleavage™ … but hey. The FIRST true love? So. How many per customer do we have, now? Howevermany heterosanitizing efforts (hey, one of those should be catching eventually, for the masses—if this one’s loathsome and sends viewership flying) we might have? Sure. But then what makes one true love (even though yes, this one was referred to as a ‘soulmate’, until recently—not TL?) so special, over another? I mean, does no one even care about these asinine illogical things, anymore?

But, whatever. All is fine and dandy now, yes? We assume that the curse is not on Marian anymore either (no thanks to her ‘faithful’ husband doing his best to find the way to save her, by his nobility and loyalty sinking to the level of his fucking groin) so she’s not being a plotsicle, but just a plot device minus the –sicle now, so what options do we have left? They’re either going to go back to his loathsome quasi-noble ‘loyalty’ to for his wife (which, ha-ha!) and he’ll ‘leave’ Regina again (or she’ll dump him instead, whatev—it’s all yawn worthy however you take it) or… they’re going to milk it and drag unlimitlessly? Judging by the promo and the kiss (which, is it an old one – or he has to grab her head in such a ‘manly’ way every time, the same way?!) we can only wish that (long and draaaaaaaaaaaged ‘heartbreaking’ so-long-farewell-fuck-off-already) scene will be the LAST we’ve seen of this abhorrent character-degrading (for all involved, including Robin Hood, the hero—whose name they stole for this bozo) storyline, and that we’re not going to be forced to tolerate his fugly mug any more. Well, we can only hope!

Because after all, he’s served his purpose—as little of it that he had, no? That lugging-her-about on the vault floor was neither romantic/sexy nor comfortable, and sex itself was most probably crappy (they actually slept through most of that night, which means he was a four-minute wonder before the total snoozefest?) so all the more reason for her to say buh-bye to him? He’s had a decent sleep on the mausoleum floor (hey, better than damp moss in a forest, no?) because hey, it’s not like he had any moral dilemmas and conscience issues having sex with the woman that killed his ‘beloved’ wife, anyway? And yes, I don’t give a fuck, if they’re going to continue sweeping it under the carpet—I’m going to accept it as canon that he knows, because there’s no way in hell he could NOT have known. I mean, not even he is THAT mentally incapacitated. All it’d take would be two lines:

Hood: Oh my dear beloved wife thou art back, thank heavens—I thought thou were dead!
Marian: Well, almost. No thanks to current squeeze of thine, who had me in dungeon whilst raising gallows to display me on—to frighten the wits out of other peasants who’d dare help Snow White!
Hood: *something clicks (or at least it SHOULD click) inside his stupid log of a head*

Anyway. He’s totally disposable, seeing that he’s apparently just one of the ‘true loves’ Regina’s destined to have. So seeing that there are as many of those per customer as the plot needs now—then the quicker he fucks off, the quicker she can move on and forget him as she evidently forgot Daniel, and have her happy ending with her ONE true love she chose herself, despite knowing that one day he’d be her undoing—her SON? You know, the one she bafflingly forgot about, whilst having ice-cream walks (and look how that ended!) with this insta replacement family of forest-dwelling peasants?

And then, well. if she needs vigorous reciprocal sexytimes, she might as well have them with her son’s other mother (who at least has a proper bed, instead of a pile of forest leaves—so the dead can rest easy in that vault) as that won’t push their son aside the way their current ‘romances’ (on top of other horribly wrong stuff they brought forth) did. And then anyway, Emma might turn out to be her ‘true love’ as well? I mean why not, seeing that they can apparently be found in every stable or a seedy backalley thug-congregating tavern, so it might as well be a princess (and an overall, beautifully dorky magical being) this time?

(Yeah. We ship Regina with happiness. But logically and organically so. And Emma Swan IS the answer to every single question here, despite everyone trying to persuade us otherwise. The more they’re trying to separate them and smother them with these ‘love interests’, the more clearly we see what is bad and what clicks as oh-so right, for both of them.)

And in the end, what do we have left? A whole midseason-finale episode that’s only going to be a preparation for the next “curse/villains of the halfseason” plotline? Geez. Are we the only ones being appalled with such anticlimactic, formulaically inorganic type of storytelling?

Clearly we’re not. The only ones, that is. This ep was a fix-it within certain incredibly flawed parameters set by Darth and Yoda from up high. If that writer dude accomplished anything, it was to tell those looking for a redemptive arc for the writers, that the writers are working within really limited boundaries. So directives from above are guiding what is a square peg and series of round holes. Emma and Regina’s relationship fits so it must be avoided in favor of square, jagged pegs with boring facial expressions. A&E are going to flog their own… dead horses, I suppose, until they’re spent.