I’ve been telling myself for months that it’s ok to take a break, that it’s ok to gain weight. It’s ok to not go to the gym every day and it’s ok to eat pizza. It IS ok, but right now I’m feeling pretty blah about myself.
I quit the scale (food and bodyweight) a few months ago and I was a lot happier – at first. I feel like I’ve sort of lost sight of my goals. I feel like I’ve lost sight of what’s important to me.
I think I need to start counting macros again. I’m not sure why, but I feel like I need that type of stability in my life right now.
I’m going to start rambling, so this is your warning. There are a lot of things that I can’t control right now. I can’t control that my father is no longer able to walk and is dying right in front of my eyes, a little more every day. I can’t control that I’m working super late nights and sleeping most of my days away. I can’t control that my stepdad is hurting so deeply right now because his dad has been missing since June and the police won’t take a missing person’s report seriously because he’s a 78 year old man. I can’t control that I can’t sleep right now even though I went to bed two hours ago because I didn’t get out of bed until noon today.