already abusing the tags

We need to break the stereotype/plot device in media of the abuser who is abusive because of they have been abused in the past. Yes, this does happen. Yes, apparently a lot of abusers are survivors themselves. But people can be abusive without having a history of being abused. Part of it is feels so much like excuses, like it’s okay to be abusive if you were abused. Not only is that so damn harmful and dangerous, it invalidates abuse survivors who abusers were survivors too. 

The outcome of this plot being used over and over and over in media is that it makes abuse survivors feel like we’re inevitably going to be abusive- that whatever we do, the fact that we were abused means we will only ever end up being abusive ourselves, that we, and our futures, are defined by our abuse. We are more than our abuse, and this plot device feels like it’s burying that.

“This episode of kiznaiver was so bad because the relationships were so toxic!!”

buddy

pal

chum

that was the point

they’re hormonal, lonely teenagers with abrasive personalities specifically brought together because they are the type that “would never get along”

this whole episode was illustrating how harmful these thoughts are. the possessiveness, the lashing out, it wasn’t shown POSITIVELY. These toxic thoughts coming out left everyone writhing on the ground crying, and you’re really gonna argue that this episode was glorifying those things?

anonymous asked:

Do you really ship Reylo? The things you blog are very ambiguous but that ship make me very uncomfortable due to how abusive it is. I've already blocked the tag, but it worries me to think that you might actually like it?

I think I like it less in a romantic/sexual way, but more so on the “2 sides of the same coin,” sort of things. Neither of them asked to be thrown into these roles. Throughout the film there are soliloquized moments of screen time where we see both Rey and Kylo struggling with their paths, wanting to run away and abandon it all to hell. One happened to be light, the other, dark.

Rey has been living on Jakku for about a decade “in hopes” that her family will return, even though she knows full well she’s orphaned and as alone as she’ll ever be. Her refusal to gather the strength and courage to put her past behind her is what keeps her from stepping into her jedi role. We see this especially when Maz tries to encourage Rey to take up Luke’s light saber. Instead, she holds fast to her denial and attempts to flee.

Kylo is unstable as fuck. Something happened with Luke, something that pulled Ben to the dark side, something that must be on his mind enough to keep Vader’s helmet and most likely meditate his thoughts around it. Kylo’s words say he’s devoted to Vader’s endeavors, yet time and time again his actions speak more of someone seeking to save the many, sacrifice the few. Interestingly enough he forgoes the mission on Takodana once he sets his sight on Rey; someone like him. His excuse is that she’s as good as the map, yet he quickly acknowledges her power. He knows he can use the force, and he knows he can be great. But he doesn’t know what to do with the compassion in his heart, and so he releases the confusion in bursts of tantrums, wild and unruly displays of power.

There was a theory piece about Ben and Han, that when he told his father he wasn’t sure if he had the strength to do what he needed to, that he was contemplating ending his life; the only true escape from it all. These characters are so tortured by their inability to live a life beyond the force that their mental footing is constantly slipping. Happiness, family, love. Where could they possibly find those things; who could understand and mend the pain they’re enduring?

I don’t think either of them really understand why it had to be them. They’re both hurting and suffering from this fate the worlds have thrown upon them, the expectations and the shackles. It’s simply circumstance that sets them apart as they try to figure things out, the resistance and the first order, both for themselves and the sake of every life across the galaxies.

That’s what I find appealing. I’m also someone who loves emotionally driven plots so there’s that.