alonef

Alone 1/?

Summary: Helen has lived her entire life lonely (despite her six siblings). The entire world seems to be rigged against her, or maybe she’s rigged against the world. Aline is the first person in years who simply exists and doesn’t demand anything of her. The first person who makes her feel less alone.

(Alternatively the angsty haline fic no one asked for)

Chapter 1/?

Chapter One:

Helen sighed and flicked the cigarette butt off the roof. It spiraled down, trailing a thin wisp of smoke, and landed on the concrete below. A breeze flew through the streets, blew into Helen’s hair and under her skin. She shivered. Maybe if she stayed out here long enough she’d freeze to death.

She leaned back, palms planted flat on the cold ledge of the building she sat on.  The wall in front of her was red brick, moss growing out of the mortar like a skin infection. Helen wondered if anyone would ever find her used cigarette in the alley that smelled like what every big city smells like under the surface. She breathed in the rank garbage smell mixed with the fading acrid cigarette smoke. The wind blew again as if to whisper run.

What was Helen running from? The mother who lay shaking and vomiting and dying? The father who was like a ghost inhabiting a man’s corpse, wandering the path he used to know but can’t seem to find? The city where the smog blocked out the stars and Helen felt as if she were suffocating under responsibilities and the concrete was pressing down on her…slowly…slowly choking her?

Run. The wind whispered.

And then who would take care of Helen’s siblings? The ghost father? She wouldn’t leave. She couldn’t leave.

Run. The wind whispered again, but it was faint, diluted by the twisting alleys and exhaust filled intersections of the city.

Helen stood and stuck her hands into the pockets of her worn denim jacket. She’d had the jacket since she was sixteen, sometimes she wondered why she hadn’t gotten a new one, she was eighteen now.

She climbed down the fire escape. The rust peeled off and left smeared brown stains on her hands. The metal rattled like the bars of a prison.

Helen pulled the window to her room up. The window made a squeaking sound as it slid open. Everything in the apartment squeaked, the windows, the doors, the faucets.

She swung her legs into the room and then ducked in. Two bunk beds with maybe three feet of space between them took up most of the room. Her brother Mark was sitting on the bottom bunk to Helen’s right.

“Back so soon?” Mark’s voice was shaky, a  wire stretched thin and about to snap.

Helen crossed to the dresser that was wedged beside the door and began to change into the faded cotton shorts and T-shirt that passed for her pajamas. She saw that Mark was reading a book, the pages rustling under his thin fingers. “What’re you reading?” She asked.

Mark groaned and ran his fingers through his curling golden blonde hair. It was the same hair as Helen’s. She remembered hating it when her mother screamed that she hadn’t asked for two kids that weren’t even hers, but the product of a seven year affair. Helen remembered holding Mark behind their bedroom door while their parents yelled, feeling isolated and very much other.

“Edgar Allan Poe.” Mark said, holding the cover up so she could see it. “It’s super depressing, listen to this-”

Helen crossed to his bunk and sat down on the faded blue comforter, curling her knees up to her chest, listening to what Tavvy called “Mark’s reading voice.”

“ From childhood’s hour I have not been

 As others were—I have not seen

 As others saw—I could not bring

My passions from a common spring-” Mark broke off suddenly and glanced up at Helen, his eyes shining with unshed tears. He leaned back against his pillow and wedged the book into the gap between the bed and the wall. Helen knew what trying not to cry looked like, hell she’d been trying not to cry her entire life.

“Hey you didn’t finish the poem.” She murmured, tapping him playfully on the knee. She had the faint suspicion that the reason Mark was sitting on his bed in the dark while their five other siblings ate, was because of the ghost father.

Well maybe he was a poltergeist father. Made of red smoke, hurling heavy objects in the form of words towards the people he blamed in his twisted ghost brain.

“What’d he say this time?” Helen whispered.

Mark lifted his hand in the air and studied his fingers. “The usual.”

Words about him not being Andrew’s son. Words about Mark being one of the reasons Eleanor had started smoking and therefore the cause of her impending death. Words Helen had heard often enough herself.

She lay down beside Mark and tried to hug him. He pushed her away, almost laughing. “Nope you smell like cigarette smoke.”

Helen grinned at him and he wrinkled his nose in concern.

As she crossed to the door on the way to brush her teeth Mark asked in a quiet voice, “Why do you even smoke anyways?”

Helen turned, the carpet scratching her heels. “Hm?”

Mark sat up. “Well you know it can give you cancer right?” His eyebrows were furrowed. Helen felt a tiny knot twist in the pit of her stomach.

“That’s the idea.”

And away she went, stepping softly over carpet so as not to disturb the poltergeist father or the dying mother. Stepping away from the bedroom where her brother twisted his blankets in frustration. Away from the fire escape and the rooftop where the wind wailed at her to run. Away from the ledge where she felt completely and utterly alone.

Alone.


This was pretty short, but I’ll update soon (hopefully).

MASTERLIST A-L

** Smut

A Little More Than Hungover

A Loss For A Win

A Present

A Sibling Finds Out

A Tricky Thing

A Year Later

Accidentally On Purpose

Advice From Conor

After The Match

All Over Each Other

All Your Fault

Always Come Find You

Anna Visits

Anna’s Attack

Announcing To The Fans

Are You Scared Of Flying?

Arrested

At Your Pace **

Babe

Back Of The Cinema

Battered And Bruised

Because She Hates Me

Better Than Fifa? **

Birthday Promise

Blanket Hog

Blood Tests

Braided Hair

Bringing Joe Home

Broken Parts And All

Can We Just Talk?

Can’t Change Things Too Quickly

Can’t Remember

Caught Leaving

Caught Up In The Moment

Changes (Part 2 of Reputation)

Chapstick Challenge

Chatting To A Stranger

Choice Words

Clothing Swap Tag

Complicated Surgery

Conor’s Not So Little Brother

Constant Communication

Control Yourself

Cooking Dinner **

Couch Talk

Crowded Clubs

Dad Mode Activated

Dancing Pole

Dealing With Hate

Deserves To Be Happy

Did You Take Your Pill Today?

Don’t Have To Hide

Don’t Leave Next Time

Drabbles

Drabbles 2.0

Dream Come True **

Dreamcatcher

Driving Tease **

Elevator Ride **

Even Hotter With Glasses

Exclusive

FaceTime Confessions

Fake Spider

Fate By Cat

Fed Up

Feeding The Ducks

Fell

Few Moments Alone

Five Signs

Fleeting Feeling

Flight Attendant

Flirty Waiter

Floor Conversations

Found You

Freezing Hands

Friends With Benefits

Gentler

Get Out.

Girly Things

Glad You Found It

Good Night, Boys?

Grenade

Grieving

Guess I’m A Child!

Happiness Can’t Solve Everything

Haven’t Thanked You Properly

Head Canons: X X X X X X X X X X X

Hearing Aids

Heavy Editing Required **

He’ll Break Your Heart

Hidden Note

Hidden Talent

Hoping For A Stranger

House In The Country

Hungover Cuddles

Husbands

I Believe You **

I Can’t Breathe

I Don’t Know What Happened

I Got Married?!

I Feel Like An Idiot

I Feel Like Death

I Punched A Wall

I Want To **

I Wasn’t…

I’ll Make You Wait **

I’m With You To Be With You

Ice Treats

Impressions

Ignoring Joe

Inconvenient Times **

Insecure

Interrupted Firsts

Introducing The Sisters

Irrational Jealousy

It’s Okay To Cry

Jack Meets The Parents

Jack’s Two Sides

Jealous Of Jaspar

Jealous Of Oli

Jiack (Joe/Jack/OC) **

Joe’s Special Laughter

Joeck Has Arrived!

Just A Good Shag

Just A Migraine

Just Fiction

Just Good Friends

Just Ignore It **

Just Tell Him

Just You Wait

Kind And Welcoming

Kiss And Make Up

Lap Dance

Late Night Confessions

Late Night Swim **

Leather Pants

Leaving The Party Early **

Less Of A Man

Let Me Spoil You **

Like You In My Clothes

Live Stream Kiss

Loser Cooks Dinner

Low Levels

Substitute

Characters: Scott x Reader

Fandom: Teen Wolf 

Warnings: Light Smut , angst 

Plot: It’s been a while after Allison’s death and you and Scott have come closer ;) but you realize that he is not over her yet and you are just a substitute . ( It takes place around the beggining of season 4 , also for this to make sense Scott isn’t into a relationship with Kira ) , ( I’m not really sure about this one but here we go , also let me know if you want a part 2 )

Song : Starring role by Marina and the diamonds .



You’re hard to hug, tough to talk to
And I never fall asleep, when you’re in my bed
All you give me is a heartbeat

You closed your eyes allowing a softmoan to escape your lips. You were already sweating , the sheets sticking into your naked back but you didn’t care all you could think of at the moment was his hands on your body , the thumping of your heart echoing louder and louder in your head with every second passing.

Scott had placed his hands on your thighs , his mouth assaulting the soft skin of your leg leaving small purple marks. He looked up at you abandoning his previous possision to remove his shirt. You could see the lust in his eyes but that was the only thing you could see when he looked at you and all of sudden returned to reality.

When he appeared at your doorstep all of sudden he hadn’t even give you time to procees things before carying up stairts to your bedroom. You felt like clearing this mess up for moths but never really found the courage for it , too scared to loose what you had even if it was just sex until the previous night that he passed things over the edge for you.

I’ve turned into a statue
And it makes me feel depressed
‘Cause the only time you open up is when we get undressed

“ I want you so fucking much “

Scott groaned and leaned forward , his hands cupping your breasts as he stuck his tongue in your mouth kissing you aggresively. You moaned into the kiss not wanting to stop but you couldn’t let the situation get out of control again as much as you enjoyed it.

You placed your hand on his bare chest gently pushing the Alpha way from your body, at first he didn’t notice.

“ Scott stop “

You whispered so quietly and gently like you whished he didn’t hear you, your hand was still on his chest. He hesitanly stopped , coming to his senses as you used your elbows to push your body up and covered your exposed upper half with the sheets. 

“ What is it ? “

Scott asked breathing hard , he frowned , he was confused, you had never before asked him to stop , a hint of worry on his face but not the kind of worry you whished him to have , he cared about you and you were well aware of it but he only saw you as a friend .

“ We need to talk “

You said looking at your fingers , you wanted to clear things out , on the other hand you didn’t wanna loose Scott , he was a childhood friend but the things had taken an unexcpected turn the last few months.

You don’t love me
Big fucking deal
I’ll never tell
You how I feel
You don’t love me
Not a big deal
I’ll never tell you how I feel

He settled himself next to you , realising you were serious as he noticed you avoided to look at him. You used to do that always when you were kids and something was wrong so he immediately knew something was up. He remained silent , signalling you to continue talking.

“ What are we Scott ? “

You took a deep shaky breath and asked after a long pause , it was like the words were getting stuck in your mouth . You didn’t wanna fight or cry , you just wanted to have a conversation and try to understand what he really wanted but that didn’t seem to be the ocassion as your feelings quickly caught up with you.. 

He looked at you even more confused, the expression on his face made you chuckle , he was cute when he did that. You sighted and looked up at him, his beautiful chocolate eyes meeting yours.

“ I mean .. i don’t know friends? “

He said a little hestantly , the tone of his voice showing that it should be obvious. You shook your head feeling your eyes burning from the tears that were slowly forming. You mentaly coursed for leaving him see you like that.

“ Friends don’t have sex Scott “

You said feeling the anger raising up in you and you knew you were going to explode soon , it was like a lamp got stuck in your throat making it hard for you to talk.

It almost feels like a joke to play out the part
When you are not the starring role in someone else’s heart
You know I’d rather walk alone
Than play a supporting role
If I can’t get the starring role

“ I thought that’s what you wanted.. i thought you liked it.. “

Scott said , his voice raising a little , he was right , this was your fault too , you should had never left all this happen since you had a different kind of feelings for him.

“ Yes Scott , i liked it ! Yes i wanted it ! But that’s not the point .. i’m freaking tired being a subtitute , you are crearly not over Allison and i get it , i fucking get it , she was my friend to you know , i miss her to but when all this started i really thought you felt something for me, something more like i do and i didn’t wanna push you but i was clearly wrong all you seem to want and all you do for these past months is fuck me and get your anger and pain for her death out on me , you don’t talk to me anymore all you want is to have sex with me , things have changed.. God you almost called me with her name last night .. “

You practically screamed at his face , the tears spilling from your red eyes , you could taste the salty water in your mouth , you were so fed up and finally let everything out. You were full sobbing now not even caring anymore that he was watching you. 

Scott looked at you , guilt evident on his face , he knew you were right but he didn’t want to admit it to himslef. He swallowed hard and put a strong arm around your waist gently pulling you into his arms that locked safely around your shaking body.It surpprised you as it was the last thing you thought he would do but for once you didn’t fight back . He didn’t know you felt this way about him, if he did maybe a lot of things would be different ..

Sometimes I ignore you so I feel in control
‘Cause really, I adore you, and I can’t leave you alone
Fed up with the fantasies, they cover what is wrong
Come on, baby, let’s just, get drunk, forget we don’t get on

He rested his head at the top of yours that was burried in the crook of his neck. You had finaly started calming down.

“ I’m so sorry ..i didn’t know , i didn’t realise i swear Y/N “

Scott whispered leaving a quick peck on your forehead , he didn’t really know what else to do , he had screwed up badly , after Allison’s death it seemed like everything were falling apart and he couldn’t do anything specially now that more supernatural problems had come to make your lifes difficult once again.

You took a few shaky breaths , slowly lifting your head from his naked torso , wiping the remaining tears from your face with the back of your palm. Your eyes were still red and puffy. This wasn’t supposed to happen how did things went from hot and sweaty to this , you felt embarrassed and as much you wanted to fix things you felt like forgetting about everything would be better at the moment.

You like my dad
You get on well
I send my best
Regards from hell

“ I think you should go “

You said trying as hard as you could to sound cold , making your way out of his arms as you left the sheets to fall from your body replacing them with your shirt.

“ Y/N please i-i ..”

“ I need some time alone Scott , i can’t keep doing this ..”

You walked up to your bedroom door and opened it. He looked up at you with these puppy sad eyes and it took everything you had left inside not to fall into his arms again and ask him to stay.The guilty was drowning you , you knew it wasn’t his fault.But you both were so broken.

“ Please .. if you had talked to me , only if you had told me how you felt then- “

“ But i didn’t , did i ? And now it’s too late .. we screwed up, both of us and it doesn’t matter because you love her , not me there’s no then..“

You said running a hand through your messy hair. 

It almost feels like a joke to play out the part
When you are not the starring role in someone else’s heart
You know I’d rather walk alone
Than play a supporting role
If I can’t get the starring role

“ We still have time , we can fix this i promise if you just give me second chance ..please “

He begged , he was desperate , he didn’t want to loose what you two had all these years , whenever he looked back there wasn’t a single memory of his childhood that you and Stiles weren’t there , He almost lost Stiles when the nogitsune took over him and now he was loosing you too.

I never sent for love, I never had a heart to mend
Because before the start began, I always saw the end

Yeah, I wait for you to open up, to give yourself to me
But nothing’s ever gonna give, I’ll never set you free
Yeah, I’ll never set you free

“ Scott please , i need some space , i need to breath , i was depressed all this months holding everything in , i need sometime for myself “

 You begged your voice was cracking as you felt an other lump building up in your throat because he was hurting as much you were and it was your fault , the voice kept reapiting in your head that it was your fault. He didn’t love you that way and he never would he just didn’t wanna loose you and you knew it from the start. You just were too stubborn to admitt it and now you had to face the consequences by loosing your best friend.

“ I’ll call you when i’m ready , i promise “

You continued and took a deep breath. He nodded and got up grabbing his shirt from the floor, putting it on.You could tell he was angry with both you and himself.

“ I just can’t loose another person that i love “

He whispered as he stood in front of you at the door , you just turned your head the other way without a word,he sighted and walked past you. 

When you heard the familiar noise of the central door closing behind him you allowed your body to slide down the cold wall and cuddled yourself sobs tearing through your body once again. What were you supposed to do now ?

It almost feels like a joke to play out the part
When you are not the starring role in someone else’s heart
You know I’d rather walk alone
Than play a supporting role
If I can’t get the starring role

The starring role

Alone 2/?

Summary: Helen has lived her entire life lonely (despite her six siblings). The entire world seems to be rigged against her, or maybe she’s rigged against the world. Aline is the first person in years who simply exists and doesn’t demand anything of her. The first person who makes her feel less alone.

(Alternatively the angsty haline fic no one asked for)

Chapter 2/?

Chapter Two:

“The day I give a shit about what people think of me is the day I retire.” Aline said to her cell phone. The exasperated voice of her manager Freeman Mayhew filtered through the line.

“I’m just saying it’s not the best PR for you.”

“That I’m lesbian?”

“Yes that you’re-yes-”

Mayhew was a balding man with a thin gray mustache. His pastimes included complaining about the newest generation and denying science. His voice often sounded like he was about to spew an ignorant comment at Thanksgiving. Aline didn’t have the patience for him on good days, and this was not a good day.

“I just remembered I have a lunch date.” Aline said to the phone, propping her feet up on her desk. She studied the toes of her shiny black shoes while Mayhew droned on for another thirty seconds.

“And some publishers might turn you down-”

Aline groaned and pulled her feet down, swiveling in her chair to look out her window. “As much as I’d love to discuss homophobic publishing companies I really need to go,” She hung up to Mayhew’s muffled protests.

Standing, she texted Alec. Lunch at The Oracle? Honestly she just needed to get out of her apartment.

Aline’s apartment was a whirlwind or papers, used coffee cups, and books with well loved covers, spread out in a mini hurricane. She claimed that the mess added to her “one of the most famous writers in the world” aesthetic.

Yeah that’s right, with three bestselling novels and two bestselling trilogies, Aline Penhallow had her name in the mind of any avid bookworm. It was a little exhilarating, like taking a swig of too strong vodka when you were expecting water, to know that so many people knew your name.

Not that that would amount to much if she didn’t get inspiration for another book or series soon. Aline had been in a writing slump for a year, and people were starting to get antsy.

She sighed and made her way to the door of her apartment, winding through the varied clutter of clothes and rough drafts. The polished wood of her entryway shone like an angled CD in the light from one of the east facing windows. As she stepped out onto her front step she noticed a mangey tabby cat darting across the street, running from the clack of her shiny shoes.

Aline smiled and started down the steps to her car. A small breeze lifted the edges of her leather jacket. The sun beat down on the roof of her blood red BMW. The day was a good day again. For a moment she pretended there was no manager breathing down her neck, or looming deadline for her career. There was only the wheel of her car, the soft roar of the engine, and the music playing over the speakers.

“So at last you’re free

It’s the way you wanted it to be

And the price you paid

To become a woman of today

Is it worth the pain to see the children cry

Does it hurt when they ask for Daddy?” The radio sang. Aline rolled down her window and ran a hand through her dark hair. The trees lining the road cast dapples of light on her cheeks. It was only her and the pavement. Sometimes she dreaming of driving and driving and driving where no one would find her. Driving where the only sounds were the hum of her car and the beat of her heart.

The Oracle was a cafe frequented by hipsters, tourists, and people with nothing better to do. It had the carefully cultivated feel of a place that always had been and always will be. Aline had written her second novel ‘Why Not?’ primarily on one of the cafes’ faded armchairs. She’d also met her best friend Alec when he’d visited The Oracle on one grey rainy Saturday. The entire block was an area where inexplicable magic happened.  

Alec was waiting at one of the tables. As she watched he pulled out his phone- no doubt to check the time- and then glanced up and made eye contact with her. Alec was wearing an incredibly soft looking sweater with several holes in it. Alas, they were not artistically placed fashionable holes, but the holes of a sweater that has been worn within an inch of it’s life.

Aline squeezed into the chair opposite him and grinned.

“What’s up?”

Alec handed her a menu. “The sky.” He deadpanned. She made a face at him.

They ordered their food and lapsed into comfortable silence, occasionally peppered with off hand comments:

“Straight girls with the word gay in their usernames bother me.”

“I fell out of bed this morning and the first thing I said was, ‘I want to die’ and I think that sums up how my day’s been going so far”

“Do you want cheetos? Because I’m getting cheetos after this.”

“Are Republicans…okay…”

Aline winked at Alec over her coffee after he spilled his water and he burst into laughter.

“How are we still functioning human beings?” He asked, after wiping his lap gingerly with a paper napkin.

Aline pretended to think for a moment. “Define functioning.” He grinned at her and leaned back, running his fingers over the scratched surface of the table.

“How’s old Fuckman doing?” Alec asked, in regards to her manager. Aline groaned and began to pick at her nail polish.

“Same old, same old. He doesn’t want me to come out because he thinks it’ll be bad PR.” She said. Flakes of red were spiraling down, down from the tips of her fingers, like blood.

Alec made a noise of disgust in the back of his throat. “Seriously?” He caught the look on her face. “Is he right?”

“I think so. Maybe some countries wouldn’t allow my books to be distributed there if I came out to the public.” Nail polish flakes rained down. “And I want to reach those closeted kids in those countries you know? Make them somehow see that they aren’t alone and that nothing’s wrong with them, and I can do that through my writing but…”

Alec nodded. “It sucks to be in the  closet. And you’re basically still in the closet.”

“Not to the people that matter, but yeah.” She abandoned pulling her nail polish off and swiped the flakes onto the floor.

Alec hummed. “That sucks dude.”

She grinned, “Ah yes, the ever helpful Alec Lightwood everybody.”

“Fuck off.”

Aline’s phone rang, a sharp cold sound in the warmth of the cafe. “That’s my cue.” She stood, brushing off her jeans.

Alec waved. “Text you later.”

As Aline stepped out of The Oracle a feeling of sudden importance washed over her, the waves of an oncoming storm. She shivered at something that had nothing to do with the cold. The way the wind was blowing the leaves of nearby trees seemed to signal a turning event. An event that could leave her for better or for worse.


And now you’re introduced to Aline! She’s a lot less angsty than Helen (but that’s soon to change). Did any of you guys get the meaning of the song that was in this chapter? (Will update soon or whenever I feel like it)

signs as “electra heart” by marina and the diamonds lyrics

aries:
“I can’t help that I need it all
The primadonna life, the rise, the fall
You say that I’m kinda difficult
But it’s always someone else’s fault
Got you wrapped around my finger, babe
You can count on me to misbehave”

//primadonna

taurus:
“You say that love is not that easy
And that’s the lesson that you teach me
So hypocritical, overly cynical
I’m sick and tired of all your preaching
Who are you to tell me, tell me
Who to, to be, to be?”

//hypocrates

gemini:
“Candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored
I’m the girl you’d die for
I’ll chew you up and I’ll spit you out
‘Cause that’s what young love is all about
So pull me closer, and kiss me hard
I’m gonna pop your bubblegum heart”

//bubblegum bitch

cancer:
“You’re too proud to say
That you made a mistake,
You’re a coward ‘til the end!
I don’t want to admit that we’re not gonna fit
No, I’m not the type that you like,
Why don’t we just pretend?”

//lies

leo:
“Power and control,
I’m gonna make you fall
Women and men we are the same,
But love will always be a game,
A human vulnerability
Doesn’t mean that I am weak”

//power & control

virgo:
“I lay back in a glittering mist,
And I think of all the men I could have kissed
I haven’t lived my life, I haven’t lived love,
It’s just a bird’s eye view from up above”

//living dead

libra:
“I wanna be an idle teen,
I wish I hadn’t been so clean
I wanna stay inside all day,
I want the world to go away
I want blood, guts and chocolate cake,
I wanna be a real fake”

//teen idle

scorpio:
“In the valley of the dolls we sleep, we sleep
Got a hole inside of me, of me
Born with a void, hard to destroy with love or hope
Built with a heart, broken from the start
And now I die slow”

//valley of the dolls

sagittarius:
“But deep down all you want is love
The pure kind we all dream of
But we cannot escape the past
So you and I will never last”

//homewrecker

capricorn:
“Sometimes I ignore you, so I feel in control
‘Cause really, I adore you, and I can’t leave you alone
Fed up with the fantasies that cover what is wrong
Come on, baby, let’s just get drunk
Forget we don’t get on”

//starring role

aquarius:
“I see it for the first time,
There is no crime in being kind
Not everyone is out to screw you over
Maybe, oh just maybe they just wanna get to know ya
Now the time is here,
Baby you don’t have to live your life in fear”

//fear & loathing

pisces:
“All I really want is to be wonderful
People in this town they, they can be so cruel
I live my life inside a dream,
only waking when I sleep
If I could sell my sorry soul, I would have it all”

//the state of dreaming

the family jewels // froot

give the people what they want: a cleo de nile fanmix

“My adoring public! Louder, ghouls, I can barely hear you singing my praises!”

[listen on 8tracks]

  1. The Infanta - The Decemberists - Here she comes in her palanquin / On the back of an elephant / On a bed made of linen and sequins and silk 
  2. Girl Almighty - One Direction - She floats through the room on a big balloon / Some say, “She’s such a fake,” / That her love is made up / No, no, no, no
  3. Tightrope - Janelle Monae - When you get elevated / They love it or they hate it / You dance up on them haters
  4. The Love Club - Lorde - The other day I forgot my old address / I’m sitting pretty on the throne / There’s nothing more I want / Except to be alone
  5. Fences - Paramore - You’re always on display / For everyone to watch and learn from, / Don’t you know by now, you can’t turn back / Because this road is all you’ll ever have
  6. Crystals - Of Monsters and Men - I know I’ll wither, so peel away the bark / Because nothing grows when it is dark
  7. Genetic Emancipation - Alexa Vega - You I’ve mistaken for destiny / But the truth is my legacy is not up to my genes / True, though the imprint is deep in me / It will always be up to me
  8. Towards the Sun - Rihanna - You and I know gold don’t turn to rust / I still swear that we can reign / Like the kings and queens of better yesterday
Parallel Sentiments

“Being heartbroken is really intoxicating… it’s like, you’ve been so hurt that youfeel like nothing else can touch you. You feel almost invincible; it’s a kind of terrible freedom. You know that stage where where you don’t care about yourself anymore? I was just like, I’m going to go out and I don’t care what happens to me. You feel very broken. You can go out and not come home for three days and not have to call anyone because you feel like you don’t have anyone to answer to, because you’re not in the relationship anymore and there’s nothing to ground you.”
-   Florence Welch

"Spend my days locked in a haze
Trying to forget you babe
I fall back down
Gotta stay high all my life
To forget I’m missing you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
Staying in my play pretend
Where the fun ain’t got no end
Ooh
Can’t go home alone again
Need someone to numb the pain
Ooh”
-   “Habits (Stay High)” by Tove Lo 

“And all this time she was torn by wild desires, by rage, by hatred. The trim folds of her dress hid a heart in turmoil, and her reticent lips told nothing of the storm.”
-  ”Madame Bovary", Gustave Flaubert

“You don’t love me, big fucking deal
I’ll never tell, you how I feel
You don’t love me, not a big deal
I’ll never tell you how I feel
Sometimes I ignore you so I feel in control
Cause really, I adore you, and I can’t leave you alone
Fed up with the fantasies, they cover what is wrong
Come on, baby, let’s just, get drunk, forget we don’t get on
You’re like my dad, You’d get on well
I send my best, regards from hell”
-   “Starring Role”, Marina and the Diamonds

Love is very tricky but hatred is very reliable. ”
-   My Shakespeare Professor

♡ Signs traits in Marina and the Diamonds songs

✿Aries: Power and Control

Women and men we are the same,
But love will always be a game
We give and take a little more,
Eternal game of tug and war

✿Taurus: Starring Role

Sometimes I ignore you so I feel in control
Cause really, I adore you, and I can’t leave you alone
Fed up with the fantasies, they cover what is wrong
Come on, baby, let’s just, get drunk, forget we don’t get on

✿Gemini: Fear and Loathing

Got different people inside my head
I wonder which one that they like best
I’m done with trying to have it all
And ending up with not much at all

✿Cancer: Lies

I don’t wanna admit that we’re not gonna fit
No, I’m not the type that you like
Why don’t we just pretend?
Lies, don’t wanna know, don’t wanna know oh
I can’t let you go, can’t let you go oh

✿Leo: Primadonna

Would you do anything for me?
Buy a big diamond ring for me?
Would you get down on your knees for me?
Pop that pretty question right now, baby
Beauty queen on a silver screen
Living life like I’m in a dream
I know I’ve got a big ego
I really don’t know why it’s such a big deal, though

✿Virgo: I Am Not A Robot

It’s okay to say you’ve got a weak spot
You don’t always have to be on top

You’re vulnerable, you’re vulnerable
You are not a robot
You’re lovable, so lovable
But you’re just troubled
Guess what? I’m not a robot, a robot.

✿Libra: Hollywood

Hollywood infected your brain.
You wanted kissing in the rain, oh, oh.
I’ve been living in a movie scene
Puking American dreams, oh, oh

✿Scorpio: Radioactive

Waiting for the night fall, for my heart to light up
Oh baby I want you to die for, for you to die for my love
In the night your heart is full and by the morning empty
But baby I’m the one who left you, you’re not the one who left me

When you’re around me, I’m radioactive
My blood is burning, radioactive
I’m turning radioactive
My blood is radioactive
My heart is nuclear
Love is all that I fear
Ready to be let down
Now I’m heading for a meltdown

✿Sagittarius: Oh no!

Don’t want cash, don’t want card
Want it fast, want it hard
Don’t need money, don’t need fame
I just want to make a change
I just wanna change

✿Capricorn: Are You Satisfied?

Are you satisfied with an average life?
Do I need to lie to make my way in life?

High achiever don’t you see
Baby, nothing comes for free
They say I’m a control freak
Driven by a greed to succeed
Nobody can stop me.

✿Aquarius: Buy The Stars

You bought a star in the sky tonight
Because your life is dark and it needs some light
You named it after me, but I’m not yours to keep
Because you’ll never see, that the stars are free

✿Pisces: The State of Dreaming

Yeah I’ve been living in the state of dreaming
living in a make-believe land
living in the state of dreaming, of dreaming, of dreaming

All I really want is to be wonderful
People in this town they, they can be so cruel
I live my life inside a dream,
only waking when I sleep.

Sato Mieko’s SKE Official Blog

Mieko Here (*´ω‘*)

Yesterday was Jurina’s Seitansai.

It feels like there are a lot of sentimental moments.

I’m worried whether or not that this one blog is enough to write them all down

First is the night before the Seitansai, I secretly baked a caked, wrote a letter.

I kept working hard until midnight.

On that day, It started off with rehearsals.

The present of Rena is really unbelievable, So fresh ♪

The feeling at that moment is like the Teams S back then.

And It was as if i went back to that time,

The feeling that i was still in the same team with Anna Amin and the others. ( Lol )

It feels like I’m the one that’s receiving the help from everyone.

With this feeling, I went into rehearsals

Then it was the official performance.

That moment when the curtains went up, is something that i will never forget.

I can’t forget.

Maybe it’s because we haven’t done this in a long time,

But during that moment when the curtains went up

“ This is the place where i fought “

Very fiery, no, very straight forward.

It pierced my heart.

Even as i wrote this.

It feels like I’m unable to properly pass on the feelings i was feeling at that time

I’m pretty irritated.

My place.

The stage that i have been pursuing for 6 and a half years

Jurina’s Sitansai, allowing me to write the letter I was overjoyed.

To me this is the final time that i’ll be appearing in Jurina’s Seitansai

I told her all of my feelings.

I passed on everything to her.

The year where i was in the same Team with Jurina.

Is my Treasure.

I was very happy during the Stage Performance, But in an instance, that bitter after taste.

The last part where i read the letter, that moment where Rena started to stiffle her cries.

I couldn’t reissist anymore so i cried

If you ask me what was i thinking about

I think it should be October 5th 2008

Thinking about that day, the 5 people who are standing here.

I thought about how on that day i wasn’t standing alone

Five People..

We continued all this while, It’s a blessing.

After the performance.

First Generation Party, We went to eat!

Because it’s too related to work,

I think in the future everyone will most probably get to see it.

Then after that again, Jurina’s small party!

Regardless of it being a cake or a present

She’ was superbly happy when she receives them, I felt very happy.