Mulder: It’s not worth it, Scully. Scully: What? Mulder: I want you to go home. Scully: Oh, Mulder, I’m going to be fine. Mulder: No, I’ve been thinking about it. Looking at you tonight, holding that baby … knowing everything that’s been taken away from you. A chance for motherhood and your health and that baby. I think that … I don’t know, maybe they’re right. Scully: Who’s right? Mulder: The FBI. Maybe what they say is true, though for all the wrong reasons. It’s the personal costs that are too high. There so much more you need to do with your life. There’s so much more than this. There has to be an end, Scully.
You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe she was good for your ego. Or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life. But you didn’t love her. Because you don’t destroy people you love.
i’m still awake going through the motions of unforgiving memories and all of my worries, the feeling of sick inside my stomach, all the people that the voices inside my head tell me are going to leave. i try to fall asleep and begin drifting off and everything becomes watery in the space between sleep and awake, and then i am thrusted out of sleep and dream, not sure if i’m awake or asleep in this nightmare. i roll over holding my own tummy, wishing somebody was here to fill the dead moon that eats away like a dead space in me. midnight is when i feel most alive, the only time i feel safe or at peace and yet being alone is destroying me