LMAO I’ve been stuck in a car with my casual GoT show!only dad for the past 8 hours, and I started watching the Nik and Gwen interview where they talked about their characters. He overheard it, and without me saying ANYTHING he spent this past hour bitching about how fucked up his Jaime and Brienne OTP are this season
Some highlights as I sat quietly during his rant:
“NOTHING MAKES SENSE!”
“CAN YOU TELL ME WHY HE IS STILL SLEEPING WITH HIS SISTER?!”
“HE’S STILL A DOUCHE! WHAT HAPPENED?!Now I don’t even want Brienne near him!”
“Man [the writers] really fucked this up fuck them”
I can’t stop thinking about the wisecrack carrie fisher would make about debbie reynolds dying a day after her: the joke about her family, always bringing the drama, the ‘she couldn’t stand to let me have all the attention even when I had just died. I want you all to remember that I did it first.’
I like to imagine her in the afterlife adding material to her stand up: ‘I’m really disappointed to be here tonight, I was hoping I’d get to haunt george lucas for that metal bikini.’ ‘do you know how long the line for this place is? I flipped off nancy reagan and fidel castro on the way in. ’ ‘when I said dear lord please don’t let me live to see that orange buffoon be president I should have been a helluva lot more specific.’
playing to a sold out audience, her mother in the front row. bowie and rickman at a table in the back.
Listen I know we all love bilingual Lance and boy oh boy guess who’s here with some bilingual headcanons!!
•Lance used to speak fluent spanish as a child, but when he started going to public school, he just … Lost that ability.
•Lance can understand some words and phrases in spanish but doesn’t really know how to form sentences. (he knows all the cursewords and tries to use them as much as he can bc that’s Cool™)
•He can understand enough words to get the gist of what people are saying.
•Lance started to feel kind of detatched from his family since he couldn’t speak spanish and basically everyone else (save for the younger kids) could.
•His family doesn’t put any effort into teaching him spanish bc they want him to be more American than Hispanic (a sad truth that I unfortunately experienced)
•Lance starts to take spanish classes seriously when he gets to high school. He slowly learns how to form proper sentences, and he’s at the top of his class bc he wants to connect with his family language-wise. He tries hard, and grasps the language without any help from his fluent-spanish-speaking parents.
•One time, he had to do a project in spanish class, but he didn’t know how to form the sentence he wanted. So, he goes to his parents for help.
•His parents are from different regions of south america, so they speak different forms of spanish. Whatever he’s learning at school is. Not. The same.
•He had to go back and forth from his dad to his mom for one goddamn question like holy crow.
•"No, no! Your father is wrong! I speak PROPER spanish!“
-That was an actual quote from my mother it’s legit.
•His father ends up being right. At least in terms of School Spanish.
•Lance’s teacher ended up taking points away anyway bc she knew he wasn’t capable of speaking in such eloquent, complex spanish.
•He once went over his vocab list with his fam since he forgot his spanish dictionary at school. Another mistake. Don’t ask your different-spanish-speaking parents for translations when they’re in the same room.
•They spent more time arguing about the translation than actually translating.
•Mom: “Aficion? I’ve never heard that word in my life! It doesn’t exist!”
•"It means ceiling fan, mom.“
•M: “Oh! Then you mean ‘hincha’!”
•Dad: “Hincha?! Are you trying to teach our son slang?!”
•"Wait, that’s slang?!“
•D: “Aficion es the tiki tiki.”
•M: “No. El tiki tiki es la hincha!”
•They slowly seep into full spanish and Lance is watching on in amusement.
•He ends up texting his aunt about the right answer, and she tells him that it’s aficion.
•Mom loses the argument.
•He has a presentation in class for an oral test. He knows he has a great accent and great understanding of spanish, but when he goes up to speak, he can’t say anything.
•Everything comes out slow and stuttered, but he still gets an A+ bc his pronunciation is on point.
•There’s a non-hispanic/latinx kid in his class. They get straight A’s and speak faster than Lance. Lance is jealous of them. It’s not fair that a person who isn’t surrounded by latin culture can speak it so well, while he can’t.
•They’re the top 2 in the class, but Lance is always second. He’s always second in everything.
•Eventually, Lance learns enough Spanish to understand full sentences. He gets a giddiness in his chest when he can understand EXACTLY what is being said in spanish. He loves it.
•Even when his parents are scolding him in spanish, he tries his best not to smile bc he UNDERSTANDS!!
•He tries to get his parents/family to communicate with him in Spanish more bc he’s so proud that he can FINALLY understand them. He feels connected to them again, and loves the feeling of embracing his heritage at last.
•Then … His family asks hin why he never talks back in spanish.
•Lance is still shy and insecure about his spanish, bc sometimes he makes mistakes. And sometimes, fluent speakers are not the nicest when it comes to that. He’s afraid they’ll make fun of him bc he’s still learning.
•He goes to a restaurant that has people who only speak spanish in it. He then has to order from the menu.
•He asks for a soda. When the waitress leaves, his entire family is beaming at him. He asks why.
•They gush about his perfect pronunciation and format. They’re proud of him. They had no idea he knew it so well.
•Lance is almost brought to tears bc his family is just as proud of him as he is - especially on something so important to him.
•He talks and laughs with his family at dinner again after that.
•When he gets in space, he tries to keep himself knowledgeable in spanish. He doesn’t want to forget again.
•He listens to old spanish radio shows and songs all of the time. He listens to sports, no matter which kind, in spanish.
•He tries to teach the other paladins Spanish. He grins when they start cussing under their breath in spanish. Sometimes, the paladins will just slip into it and they’ll forget that they’re speaking another language bc it’s so second-nature to them.
•But Lance notices, and it feels a little more like home.
Liberals after the missile attack in Syria: If you voted against Hillary or didn’t vote because you “just didn’t like Hillary” I will never fucking forgive you. This is your fault! She would have never put us in this…