almost done with this paper

So frustrated

Sorry- long rant
We are almost done with initiating the two boxes (copy paper box) of medical paperwork for the boys adoption. Total of a few more than 6k pages of lab reports, nursing notes, drs visits, etc. This is in addition to the 600 or so we already did. I asked for the complete records though, so it’s on me.
I didn’t have one of the boys at the beginning and I needed that information to see how they could have possibly missed his heart defect. The fact that he had to be resuscitated at the urgent care, on the ambulance, and again in the ER should have gave them a clue. He had a mild heart attack at 10 weeks of age.
I was never told any of this, but it’s actually not DFS’s fault . The hospital put all of baby boys information in his twins electronic chart! He was still downstairs in the NICU when brother was brought in . It’s a giant cluster fuck that almost killed my kid.
Thankfully I’m a nosy pain in the ass and found the records mix up back when I first got the boys. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, but then we took in brother for a cardiologist apt . It was in his file that he had issues, so we followed up.
The cardiologist found nothing. So I begged, cried a bit, and asked for them to check out Spock. 5 weeks later for the appointment and the dr starts the ultrasound, makes a few startled sounds, then stops the process to tell us what is going on so we understand more of the exam. He then proceeds to call the pulmonary dr to get clearance for surgery asap.
I have never been more scared then in that moment when he explained everything that could happen before the surgery happened. All of it made worse by the fact that baby was on albuterol as well as inhaled epinephrine. I’m so grateful for the dr that took me seriously.
On another note- His records also revealed that his hips had been dislocated. Would have been nice to freaking know. My old pediatrician said his issues with his hips were because of his low tone. My new dr said “ um, no, you’re right something is wrong” and sent us for an X-ray and specialist. We’ve been wearing an abduction device for 7 months now, and may need surgery.
Anyhow kids, moral of this story? Keep fighting like hell for your fosters because sometimes we are the only ones that do.

2.5.16// I’m having a good time, my paper is almost done, I just need to review the last chapter ( the hardest part actually) and write the introduction and conclusions. I sent the rest to my supervisor, hope she likes it!

Finals Gothic
  • You are almost finished with the paper you’ve been working on for hours. Almost done, you tell people. You’re not sure how long the paper should be, but you’re almost done. You’ve been almost done for so long.
  • Your friend went to the library to study, you tell people. She should be home soon. You can’t remember what she went to study for. You can’t remember the last time you saw her. Her phone goes straight to voicemail.
  • The professor isn’t responding to your emails. The professor isn’t responding to anyone’s emails. As you walk towards her office, you hear a scream. Perhaps you don’t have any questions after all.
  • The study guide has strange markings on it, strange stains that you swear weren’t there when the teacher gave it to you. Coffee stains, you tell yourself. But coffee stains aren’t normally red, are they? You can’t remember.
  • There’s a final project, your professor tells you. You can’t find anything about it in the syllabus, but there’s a final project. “How is the project going?” your classmates ask with shadowed eyes and shaking hands. When you ask them what the project is about, they turn away. You never see any of them on campus again.
  • A student kills the curve for your final, but you don’t who the student is. He wasn’t in class, you’re sure. He’s not on the class roll. When you ask the other students about him, they back away. “Don’t ask,” they say. “Don’t ask about him.”
  • You can’t find the book you need in the library. “It’s there,” the librarian insights, but she wrings her hands and won’t look you in the eyes. As you wander down the stacks, you grow tired and sleepy, eyes drifting shut. Perhaps you’ll take a nap, you think. The last thing you see before your eyes close is a pair of red eyes.

Prompt; its late at the BAU and you and Spencer are stuck finishing paperwork but he finishes before you which leads to him distracting you - overall fluff :))
Warnings; nada


It was late, too late. Midnight to be exact.

Spencer sat across from you, scribbling away on several papers with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration and bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“Hey Spence?” You lightly question.

“Hm?” He answers, not looking up from his papers.

“Are you almost done?” You frown as you look down at your own work. You were a little more than halfway through and you just wanted to get all these documents off your already crowded desk.

“Actually,” he trails off, still scribbling away. “I just finished.”

He drops his pen onto his desk and leans back onto his reclining office chair while stretching out his arms and yawning.

“Wish I could say the same,” you complain as you turned your attention back to your work. You would have loved to admire him and talk to him more but there’s always plenty of time for that at home.

You could hear the rustling of papers being stacked and shoved into folders which then go into his leather satchel. You envied him at the moment, wanting to pack up everything at your desk and go home.

“Don’t wait up for me at home,” you yawn as you sign off a paper.

“What makes you think I’m going home and leaving you here all alone and stressed,” he glides across the desks on his rolling chair before stopping at your side and giving you a cheeky smile.

“What makes you think I’m stressed?” You laugh curiously.

“Well, telling by your body language it’s actually quite easy to det-” you clamp your hand over his mouth to keep him from going into a series of facts and statistics.

“You know I love you and your rambles, Spence, but I have to finish this,” you point at your work and he nods. “Like now. I want to go home.”

“Here,” he reaches for a small stack of papers and placing them in front of him. “Let me help you.”

You smiled gratefully at him as the both of you sat hunched over your desk and finishing whatever needed to be completed. About halfway through working, Spencer had decided to take a break and just sit there. You thought his dead silence was weird so you peered up at him only to find him staring at you, his chin in the palm of his hand.

Not in a weird, creepy stalker way. But in the way that caused butterflies to flutter in your stomach. You turned away before he could see the blush creeping onto your cheeks and continued to write away, but Spencer had other ideas. He gently took the pen from your hand and pulled your chair closer to his. You felt one of his long fingers tilt your head in his direction.

“Can I confess something to you, Y/N?” He cautiously asks. Your eyebrows knit together as you turn your body towards him and envelop his hands in your own.

“Anything,” you smile.

“I might not always have the best luck, and I’m sure everyone knows that,” he stops before sucking in a breath. “But when you came along, you made me feel like the luckiest guy in this infinite universe.”

“You are so corny,” you laugh as you playfully punch his arm. His smile deepens as he takes in your contagious laugh.

“I’m being completely honest,” he brings one of your hands up to his lips and kisses it. “I love you, more than anything. We got lucky that our relationship can be overlooked. We are lucky that the people we work with everyday is like a family, and I am lucky that I was able to find someone who I have only dreamt of.”

“I love you too, Spence,” you say in awe. His little speech there really got you thinking. He was right. You two are very fortunate. That day when you first walked into the BAU, exactly a year ago, you had instantly hit it off with the tall boy genius. You smiled at the memory of Spencer nervously asking you out to dinner which you happily agreed to. After getting to know each other for about five months, you both realized the pair of you were almost inseparable. You snuck around for two months before Morgan caught you two sneaking a kiss at the kitchenette while getting coffee. Morgan had continuously teased you and Spencer before everyone caught on and seemed to be in favor of your relationship. They had brushed off the rule you were so worried would ruin your career and let the two of you live in piece.

You managed to get lost in your thoughts as you gazed into his warm hazel eyes that seem to hold the galaxy behind them.

You quickly lean forward and smooth back the hair on his forehead before gently placing a kiss.

“Now, I have to get back to work,” you giggle as you lean back into your chair. As you pick up your pen once again, you feel his hand grab a loose piece of hair from your messy up-do and tuck it behind your ear. “You just love distracting me, don’t you?”

You messily signed the last line on the document and slammed your pen onto the desk in relief.

“Lucky for you, I just finished,” you stand up from your desk and stack all the papers together before looking down at your boyfriend reading something he found on your desk. “I’m just going to drop these off on Hotch’s desk and then we can go home.”

He looked up at you and nodded with a tired smile. You roll your eyes as you walk away, it’s his own fault he’s tired, he’s the one that kept you from finishing your paperwork.

When you exited out the office, Spencer stood a few feet away with his satchel on his shoulder and your bag and coat in his hand.

“I packed all your stuff for you,” he held up the bag for you to take as you approached him. “I figured you’d be too tired and when you’re tired, you’re usually forgetful.”

“What would I do without you?” You sigh contently before you wrap an arm around his waist and pulling him closer to you. He smiles and snakes one of his long arms around your shoulders and gives them a reassuring squeeze.

As the two of you walked out of the building in each other’s grip, you lovingly looked up at Spencer who’s saying a friendly goodbye to the security guard opening the door for you guys. You flashed the guard a pearly white smile before completely exiting out the building and out into the cold autumn night. You noticed Spencer’s eyes on you so you peer up at him through your lashes and giggle.

“What?” You question and he just shakes his head.

“How did I get so lucky?”


Hey friends! I feel terrible about not posting anything in so long, wow! But I’m finally almost done with the quarter, just have a few more papers to write. I have lots of things planned coming up for you guys to look forward to, including:

-Several doodle dumps, for both Les Mis and Yuri On Ice
-Short Yuri On Ice comics
-Officially opening commissions (!!!)
-FINALLY updating ‘Til Morning Comes (oopsie woopsie)
-Possibly getting a Patreon?? HMMMM.

Anyway, thank you guys for sticking with me and being so amazing!

xx Monika

Cutting-Shawn Imagine

Request: can you please do a shawn imagine where he finds out you cut and yeah ily xx

Sitting on your bathroom floor with the silver blade in your hand you felt alone and hated.

One, two, three cuts

You had stopped for a while but the hate from the fans was too much.

Four, five, six cuts

These cuts were for not being good enough for Shawn and the fans.

Seven, eight, nine cuts

You just wanted to be better, but you were depressed and you had no sort of relief except to cut.

Ten, eleven-

The blade was at the tip of slicing into your skin when you heard Shawn call out,shutting the front door behind him.

“Princess? Where are you?” his sweet voice called out giving you slight shivers.

You scrambled to clean up when you heard the voice come much closer.

“Baby? You in there? Can I come in?” he asked you, his voice gentle.

“NO- I mean can you wait? I’m almost done” you quickly said pressing the toilet paper against your skin, hoping to stop the bleeding.

“Alright babe..” he said his voice not sounding too sure.

Several minutes passed as you tried to clean up your cuts but some of them were too deep.

“Okay that’s it (y/n) I’m picking the lock and coming inside” his voice was filled with worry and you sat there helplessly.

You heard the lock click as Shawn walked in, “Hey bab-” his voice was cut short as he took in your state his eyes widening.

“(y/n)?” he asked his voice shaking a bit. He stood there for a few minutes his mind trying to process the fact that you were on the bathroom floor with cuts on your arms.

Seeming to snap out of his trance, Shawn picked up the blade, threw it in the trash, then turned to you.

Wordlessly, he picked you up in his arms and placed you on the counter. “Shawn I-” you started to say but were not sure of what to say.

He then picked up your hand gently, cleaning up your cuts. His heart hurt as he cleaned up your cuts, never imagining he would do this.

After he was done, he picked you up yet again, gently and took you to your shared bedroom, placing you on the bed.

He then sat across from you, taking your hands from you. “(Y/N) talk to me baby.” his voice was soft and soothing.

“I-I” you began to stutter, taking a deep breath you continued. “I used to c-cut before we started dating, b-but then when I met you I stopped, you made me feel so good about myself. When we started dating the hate started piling in, I ignored it at f-first b-but then it got to me. I felt l-lonely and then I broke down” you said the last part quietly.

“Oh baby” he said scooping you up in his arms gently as if you were glass that was about to break. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you”

“It’s not your fault though Shawn”

His chin rested on the the top of your head as he spoke out the next words, “It is, I promise we’ll spend more time together and I’ll help you get through this. We’re both in this together” he promised you.

“I love you Shawn”

“I love you too baby girl” he then took out his phone and clicked a few times before typing something.

You then got a notification from your phone. It notified you that Shawn mentioned you in a tweet. Curiously, you opened it up to see his tweet.

“ I love @(y/t/n) very much, you need to respect that guys, I love you all since you are my fans but I also love her and you need to respect that. xx

You smiled up at him, and then gave him a quick kiss.

“Thank you for being here for me Shawn”

“Anything for my princess” he whispered as you cuddled up against his chest.

You knew that Shawn would be here with you no matter what and protect you. He was your knight in shining armor after all.

just a heads up

i apologize for my recent inactivity–i’ve been writing a lot though, i swear!

…and by that, i mean i’ve been hard at work with my uber long research paper. it’s almost done so, after that, i’ll be less Constrained and expect me to be more active after that…!

thank you all for sticking around, hope you are faring well :)

and when i get back, the first thing i will post, even if it fucking kills me, will be the next part of the fires within. and then after that…. it’s fair game, heh (unless you guys have anything specific you want me to update or whatnot…)